Im Just Sick Of The Cycle - Tumblr Posts

my inability to articulate this cycle in a justifiable way has left me rotting.

i’ll have a month of sleep and no motivation. then out of the blue i feel better and i think sweet it’s over now. but it’s not. because now the switch has been flicked and the world is techno coloured, i have four brains running on crack, i’m not sleeping more than 7hrs a night, and all the things i want to do are impulsive and stupid. the bad coping mechanisms come back and old habits start up again. and i feel so energetic and have so many things i want to do, but energetic isn’t even the right word. it’s like electricity, but the overload light is flashing bright blood red. ideas escape my head. the colours become overwhelming and im left wanting to claw myself to skin and bones

i’m sick of thinking i’m better and being greeted with the patience and impulsiveness of a toddler like a slap to the face. i just want to function normally, i just want to be normal mom. why aren’t i normal mom? god why did you not make me normal? why aren’t you here with me?