Im Tired Leave Me Alone - Tumblr Posts

10 confessions that should come before i say i love you

1. im learning how to love as someone learns a new language, foreign ears and tip of tongue and feelings, meanings, getting confused. i’ll never sound natural.

2. i am more guilt than person, it’s a treacherous feeling that i drag like a bury i could never find a plot to bury. the smell of bones and the smoke of half baked spiraling apologies will never go way.

3. i’ll make mistakes like my mother and be angry like my father.

4. i’ll imagine myself staying. the way my mother did. i’ll imagine myself breaking things. the way my father did. i’ll do neither when my arms reaches.

5. im a beautiful rotten thing, more rot than beauty, bile and pitch — coming up thorns. i’ll never be beautiful enough to make my rot worth it.

6. i’ll need to hear it from the wooden’s horse mouth.

7. i have baptized myself thrice. once in the church at my university, never fully escaping a prayer long said in my name. twice in the pool in backyard of my childhood home, when nothing was real and i was cold. thrice in salt and wind.

8. i’ll play hard to get even when im hard to want.

9. here’s the hand and here’s the fist and here’s the heart and here’s the womb. and it’s all the same size. here’s the giving, here’s the punch and here’s the heartache and here’s the child.

10. i know im a shitty romancer but i’ll be damned if i ain’t gonna try. i don’t have callous on my hands because i never good at holding, everything slips. everything that is mine will not be one day and i’ll never make my peace with that. i’ll crawl to keep.

Daily draws #41

I drew this because I’m tired and going to be I love you