Immortan Joe As Regina George - Tumblr Posts
Mad Max: Fury Road x Mean Girls #001
Imperator Furiosa: Why didn't you just keep roaming the Wasteland?
Max Rockatansky: I figure it was time for me to socialize.
Nux: Oh, you'll get socialized, all right. A little smeg like you.
Max Rockatansky: What are you talking about?
Imperator Furiosa: You're a regulation Road Warrior.
Max Rockatansky: ... What?
Nux: OWN IT.
Imperator Furiosa: How do you spell your last name again, Max?
Max Rockatansky: It's Rockatansky. R-O-C-K-A-T-A-
Imperator Furiosa: Yeah, I'm just gonna stick with MAD MAX.
Max Rockatansky: ...
Nux: In the name of all that is shiny and chrome, would you look at the Bullet Farmer's war outfit?!
Max Rockatansky: *turns to look at three intimidating men from across the Citadel that caught Nux's attention*
Imperator Furiosa: Of ~course~ all the Brothers are in the same war party.
Max Rockatansky: Who are the Brothers?
Nux: They're desert royalty. If the Wasteland was AUS Weekly, they would always be on the cover.
Imperator Furiosa: *points out the Bullet Farmer to Max who is showing off his sniper rifles*
Imperator Furiosa: That one there, that's the Bullet Farmer. He's one of the ~deadliest~ guys you will ever meet. Nux met him once at the Bullet Farm last year.
Nux: He can shoot targets from a hundred yards away.
Max Rockatansky: ...
Imperator Furiosa: *points out the People Eater to Max who is fondling his pierced bitch tits*
Imperator Furiosa: That really big one? That's the People Eater.
Nux: He's ~totally~ rich because he's the ruler of Gas Town and controls all the guzzoline.
Imperator Furiosa: The People Eater knows everybody's business. He knows everything about everyone.
Nux: That's why his body is so big — it's full of secrets.
Imperator Furiosa: *points out the Immortan Joe to Max who is being carried on the shoulders of several War Boys*
Max Rockatansky: ...
Imperator Furiosa: And evil takes a diseased human form in Immortan Joe. Now don't be fooled, cause he may seem like your typical selfish, backstabbing, horse-faced, tyrannical warlord douchebag. But in reality, he is ~so much more~ than that.
Nux: He's the king, the star. Those other two are just his little workers.
Max Rockatansky: ...
Imperator Furiosa: Immortan Joe. How do I even ~begin~ to explain Immortan Joe?
Rictus Erectus: Immortan Joe is ***FLAWLESS!
Slit: He has a War Rig, and a Doof Wagon, and a kickass Gigahorse.
Coma the Doof Warrior: I hear his skull mask is insured for 10,000 gallons of mother's milk.
The Organic Mechanic: I hear he does car commercials... beyond the Wasteland!
Miss Giddy: His favorite Wife is the Splendid Angharad.
Corpus Callosum: One time, he rode all the way to Valhalla.
Scrotus: And the V8 told him he was shiny and chrome!
Prime Imperator: One time, he punched me in the face. It was awesome!
Mad Max: Fury Road x Mean Girls #002
Max Rockatansky: Hey!
Immortan Joe: Why were you talking to Imperator Furiosa?
Max Rockatansky: I don't know. I mean, she's so weird! She just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about guzzoline.
Immortan Joe: *scoffs*
Immortan Joe: She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Imperator Furiosa. We were best friends in the early days of the Citadel. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in our eighth year, I started my harem of Wives with the Splendid Angharad who was totally gorgeous but then she started to make scars on her face, and Furiosa was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Splendid, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so OBSESSED with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-Wives pool party, I was like, "Furiosa, I can't invite you, because I think you're a lesbian Imperator." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian Imperator at my party. There were gonna be hot straight breeders there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN IMPERATOR! So then her war party called my war party and started yelling at them, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of the Citadel because no one would talk to her. And when she came back in the fall for a major salvage run, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on guzzoline.