Is This My Life Now? - Tumblr Posts
Is that why my feed is full of ads that pop up or push down the post I want to see
Like show me an ad but don't make things bounce around so I'm clicking on random posts then having to back track to where I was.
And why are they all Versace and Louis Vuitton ads???!
somehow knowing that tumblr is being kept around mostly as a testing ground for advertisers and corporations doesn’t even make me feel that exploited, because every social media site is exploitive. but being basically lab rats to test shit on before it’s refined for use in polite society is by far the funniest possible way to be exploited.
Raccoon Izuku AU
When you found a thing and it is cursed and terrifying, but your brain goes... What if.. and now it is a Thing.
Prompt comes from https://archiveofourown.org/works/25455724/chapters/61756255#workskin by Teobot, check it out please because credit.
Anyway, Raccoon Izuku
---
Izuku is heading home after a long day, shoulders still smarting from school when he hears something in an alleyway. A clang and a couple loud voices. He knows he shouldn't look, or intervene at all, but Izuku has always been bad at listening to reason. He peeks into the alleyway, and then immediately hides behind the corner, chest heaving. Five guys, all surrounding someone on the ground. He's pretty sure he saw something metal flash, and oh my god they are going to kill someone. He chances another glance. He was right, the leader is holding a knife. He leans back trying to catch his breath. If he leaves, they are going to kill that person! But, if he stays, they might kill him! Or worse, recognize his uniform, trackhimdownfindouthe'squirklessandandattackhismomandthenshemightdieandtheyhewouldbetotallyaloneandohmygodhewasnotpreparedtodealwiththistoday.
Something catches his eye from the dumpster. A horridly bright neon pink stuffed raccoon head. Will it work as a distraction? The voices grow louder. He makes his choice and opens the dumpster to get it. And immediately regrets his decision because this isn't a stuffed animal head to throw, this is a fursuit. He almost laughs, because what is his life now. Then he slips the mangled but untorn suit on. It smells awful, but, if this works, the shock factor will be enough to scare them away. Or at least give him enough time to get the victim to run away. Hopefully. Maybe. He sends a brief thanks to his mom, just in case, and gets out of the dumpster. And almost immediately falls on his face. Then he is up and running but it's the wrong direction, it's towards the thugs not the victim and he's pretty sure he's some sort of noise but he's not sure what.
The first thug turns, sees him, drops the gun and bolts. The other four share confused looks before bolting too, directly into the wall, where they collapse, unconscious. Izuku stumbles to a shock, trips again and catches himself on his hands. He did not expect that to work at all. He's pretty sure his life passed before his eyes and Jesus he needs to spend less time watching All Might documentaries. There is a rustle on the right and a soft 'what the fuck?' and Izuku snaps his head over, neck cracking. The victim visibly bluescreens. Izuku makes direct eye contact, and then it hits him. He just saved someone. While dressed in a suit. A raccoon suit. What the heck. Relief and adrenaline bubble up in him, and Izuku's shoulders start shaking, trying to keep the laughter in. He fails. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the person back out of the alley, but he is too busy trying to catch his breath. When he finally stops, he realizes that he can hear the distant sound of police sirens. And Izuku has another realization. He really doesn't want to explain this. Ever. To anyone. So he stands up, finds the right alleyway home and starts running.
Omake:
"Final question," Naomasa says, pad and paper in hand. "Who was it that caught you?"
The criminal changes from quiet to terrified and he abruptly starts blubbering. "I-I dont know man- it came from the dumpster and it was bright pink, oh God why was it pink and it was screeching and running at us and please please please can you put me in jail I don't ever want to see it again. It was big, why was it so big, I'm never going down an alley ever again just take me away please."
Naomasa writes the words down, then slowly blinks and looks back up. "What?"
The criminal leans forward, eyes flicking about nervously "Please get me out of here, I don't want it to come back, last month my brother lost his eye to a territorial raccoon over a piece of chicken and that one was normal sized. You gotta get me out of here before it comes back. I don't wanna be raccoon food man. Please."
Naomasa gestures for the policemen to take him away, bewildered because his quirk listed all of that as true. None of them had been lying. He had thought it a fluke, but no, even the victim had said something about a "deranged pink raccoon that stared into the soul and then started chittering/laughing." How is he going to explain any of this to the police chief? Or file paperwork? Does this count as an animal attack? He genuinely doesn't want to know.
Notes: In this story his laughter is now high pitched and quick, so yes, he did sound similar to a chittering raccoon. And yes, I can't spell Naomasa's last name for the life of me, so he stays Naomasa.