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starry night sky ✧ ten lee

summary: stargazing and handholding, eyes locked and mouths upturned in smiles. yeah, he loved you.

wc: 671

genre: fluff; best friends to lovers sorta kinda??

warnings: none

there you were. as you sat on the blanket you had set out only moments before, the boy next to you had his eyes on you as you had your eyes on the stars above.

he contemplated saying a corny joke, ‘the stars are beautiful tonight’, yet he’d be looking at you, as you marveled the wonder that was night sky.

ten could’ve sworn he saw your eyes twinkle as you watched the sky in awe.

a small smile had found itself on ten’s face as he inched his fingers closer to yours. unfortunately, the reaction that the action brought out of you wasn’t necessarily what he was hoping for.

when you had felt the warmth atop your hand you practically screamed, thinking a bug or something of the sort had crawled onto you. you just about snatched your hand away, the feeling of fear swelling up quickly.

but, when you looked over at your hand to find ten’s hand suspiciously close to where you just jerked your hand away from, you put the dots together.

“okay i’ll admit that hurt my feelings a little, but are you like, okay?”

an apologetic smile on your face, you intertwined your fingers with his, looking at him.

“i sincerely apologize for hurting your feelings, but yes i am. i thought your hand was like a bug or something.”

“okay, that's a bit demeaning, don't you think? these are worker’s hands, y/n. they are not to be compared with that of a measly bug.”

“you’re such a fuckin’ dork, oh my god.”

your words may have seemed harsh but between the fondness found in his gaze and the smile that's subconsciously spreading across your face, there was no malice to be found in your banter.

however, his eyes had held you captive for a bit longer than what was comfortable. your face grew warm under his gaze and you let out a nervous laugh.

“hey you, whatcha lookin’ at? i got something on my face?”

you tease, leaving ten’s face to flush as he realized his ogling hadn’t gone unnoticed.

he turned away with a nervous chuckle of his own, scoffing as he did so. he was so obviously trying to play it cool but, right now it sounded like he was imitating a dying cat. it was surprisingly on point, all things considered.

you bit your bottom lip to try and hold back the peals of laughter that you wanted to let go so bad, but nothing could slip past ten. after all, he's your best friend.

“whaddya think you’re laughin’ at, shortstack?”

he rolled over, crawling on top of you. his face hovered over yours and he stared into your eyes, wondering if you'd allow him to get lost in them for as long as he wanted. your breathing was shallow as your eyes went from his eyes to his nose, to his lips and back up.

“hey, ten?”

"yeah?”

“your hands are small. they're not at all like worker hands.”

you giggled as you said it, and he decided he had enough of your teasing for the night.

"oh yeah?”

“yeah. also, i don’t know who you’re calling short stack. we’re the same height. if anything, i’m taller. so, your statement is fal—"

you were cut off by a sudden pressure against your lips. your eyes widened in surprise as you realized it was ten’s lips against yours. your shock subsided and he pulled away. slowly, the realization of what he did dawned on him.

“shit. shit, shit, shit. i’m so sorry. i just really wanted you to shut up, and trying to pull that movie cliché is not like the best course of action. also, i like you but that’s no excuse. y/n, i’m sorry, like genuinely, and—"

this time you shut him up. you kissed him, your heart swelling in your chest as blood rushes to your face. you pulled away, breathless. “i like you and your bug hands, too. don't worry.”

— © jijiluvr 2021, all rights reserved.

toy wagons & heartbreak ✧ huang renjun

✧ pairing: artist!renjun & dancer g/n! reader

though dancing is not as touched upon for reader as artistry is for jun

✧ wc: 4.4k

✧ genre: fluff, angst; best friends to lovers

✧warnings: language, brief description of a nightmare, cheating, suggestive? sorta.

"shove off, you bastard. i hope your mom chokes on a bag of cocks today and your dad gets his beer bottle shoved up his ass!"

the sudden and very vulgar outburst brought attention to the relatively short male in the back of the classroom. no one knew who he was. hell, they didn't even realize he could even speak. he was always mute and his ‘cool’ demeanor didn't help his case. silence followed for the next few seconds until a certain individual cracked, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"dude, what type of fake british accent was that? you sounded like marie antoinette, but male. and very, very american. and she had had her head cut off already!"

the male that seemed to prattle off nonsensical insult after insult, lee felix, was doubled over. your fellow classmate’s arms were wrapped around his sides, laughter practically deranged. but, it helped. the merriment and joy the laughter brought.

it eased the tension in the room. soon, the whole class had reached a volume that could only be described as boisterous, cacophonous laughter permeating into every corner of the classroom. even the assistants in the class laughed. the teacher had a very strong look of distaste on her face. but, even the corners of her lips were turned up.

"jun! what the heck? i said at lunch, not in the middle of math class!"

another voice rang out. it was yours. the sentence wasn't heard very clearly, though. even you were laughing. the room seemed to be alight with a positive aura. and not even the quiet kid at the back of the class, huang renjun, (who also doubled as your best friend) could hide his smile. not even he could deny how relaxed the atmosphere had gotten.

of course, all good things must come to an end, right? and that moment of seemingly infinite bliss? oh, that was simply too good of a thing for you to experience. it was such a blessing of a moment, that you ought to have deemed it a curse.

your dream quickly turned for the worse as the vivid colors flashing behind your eyelids darkened, the joyous laughter from before transforming into something more sinster. you had no idea what was happening, the younger you being replaced with you from the present as you were being caged in by-

—

you awoke with a start, a hand clutching your chest. that wasn't exactly a memory you were fond of. you probably would've been close to forgetting about it if you hadn't dreamt of it tonight. when you took in your surroundings, the realization that you weren't in the dance studio anymore hit you.

that was the last place you remember leaving your room to go to, planning on venting out your frustrations in a form of art. and seeing as drawing and making music weren't exactly your forte, perfecting choreography was your next best choice.

seeing as how someone had to come and find you, that may not have exactly gone according to plan. every time you moved your legs, sharp pains shot throughout the rest of your body. sure, you could call it ordinary soreness. but, unfortunately, you have become painstakingly aware of how many bruises seemed to accumulate when you danced while upset.

but, that was beside the point. the pain could wait. right now you’d rather focus on the fact that you were in a bed. a very nice one in fact, although there was something wrong. you couldn't quite place your finger on it but maybe it had to do with the person sleeping next to you.

wait, there's a person in the bed. next to you. sleeping. next to you. and they’re…shirtless?

you had to stop yourself from emitting a scream that would've awoken the penguins in antarctica. instead, you settled on scrambling out of the bed, relieved to find that you still adorned the clothes you had left the house in the previous night. the sleeping person turned their body so they were facing you.

'more like sleeping beauty. jesus christ. he's so fucking pretty, oh my god. and his lips, oh my god. his lips. fuck. i bet he has a really pretty smile, too? oh god, he does, doesn't he? oh, fuck me.'

a smile adorned the unknown male's lips. well, 'unknown' is a false statement. the shirtless male was in fact your childhood best friend, and self-proclaimed platonic soulmate, huang renjun. he had gotten used to this behavior in the early morning. it was something you went through often when he had to pick you up from the studio.

he hadn’t been asleep at all. he woke up an hour ago, your movements in the bed much too erratic to even attempt sleeping through. the clock had stated that it was an alarming four-thirty in the morning. the sun wasn't even close to rising, yet here you were.

"aw baby, if you like my lips so much, why don’t you kiss them already, hm?"

that's when you seemed to snap out of your very sleep-deprived daze and you looked at renjun, your shock obvious on your face.

"...what?"

"unless you're all bark and no bite."

"okay, wait, you- what's that supposed to mean exactly?

"ah, so you're unaware that you said all of that out loud like two seconds ago. figures. although i gotta say, i especially liked the part about my lips. do you think about them that often?"

you blanched and stared at the male across from you incredulously. you couldn't have said that out loud. you were just having very, very loud thoughts. you were sure of it. until y'know, just now, you'd reckon.

"oh, jun. i'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable. i didn't mean that—"

"you didn't mean it," a pout took over renjun’s lips, his bottom lip jutting out which only made it seem fuller than it was. and all the more inviting— "a true shame. i would've liked a kiss from you."

there was a hint of sadness in his voice. no, not a hint. he didn't even try to mask it. all the emotions in that sentence were clear as day. disappointment, as well as sadness, were crystal clear.

"okay no, because what's that supposed to mean?"

a breath. a pause. a sigh.

"nothing. just go back to sleep."

and just like that, it was as if renjun was never awake in the first place. he was out like a light. which only left you with so many questions as to what just occurred. 'what the fuck?' seemed to be the most frequent one you asked though.

then, something happened that threw the both of you for a complete loop. you found yourself getting back in the bed, only this time you sat directly on top of renjun. he awoke easily, eyes wide and void of any sign of fatigue.

he blinked up at you blankly, unsure of what to do with you or with his hands.

"may i…help you?"

"cut the act and just kiss me."

renjun leaned in, much to your surprise, even if you had told him to do it in the first place, and placed a bruising kiss on your lips. it was intense as if he was trying to convey all of his emotions into a sloppy transfer of spit. you weren't even sure if this could be called a proper kiss, but your brain was functioning too slow at the moment to catch up to what was happening right now. hands roamed across any surface they came in contact with, yours eventually resting atop renjun's chest and his wrapped around your waist.

when you pulled away from each other, he busied himself with wiping his mouth of the spit at the corners with the back of his hand, while you attempted to hop off of his lap only to be pulled back down by his free hand.

renjun sat up, eyebrow raised at your attempt at a hasty getaway, grabbing your hips again in attempts to pull you closer still. he said nothing, which left you to internally panic in the mildly uncomfortable silence. unfortunately, your mind was on the edge of going completely blank as you tried to let your brain catch up to what just occurred. and what was currently still very much happening.

but catch up it did not, seeing as renjun pulled you in for another kiss. only this time, it was much softer. there wasn't any real urgency behind it. it was as if you melted together, breaths soft and eyes closed. it was only the two of you and that was all renjun needed. that was all you needed, even if you hadn't come to that conclusion yet. your arms moved to wrap around his neck, fingers softly combing through the hair at his nape, renjun’s hands grasping onto your sleep shirt.

this time when you pulled away, you didn't rush to get off of his lap. silence filled the room, the only sound being your combined breathing as you swallowed nervously. okay, so 'what the fuck?' was what you wanted to say. it seemed to be your favorite phrase lately. until renjun beat you to it and broke the silence himself. with a much more sophisticated question.

"uhm, do you wanna talk about that?"

"no. let's just be quiet for now."

but, quiet never lasted long when it came to the two of you.

"i think i’m in love with you."

the words weren't loud. they were soft. and you thought that if they had been any quieter that you wouldn't have caught them at all. but, you're sure you did. you're so, so sure of it.

"what?" a whisper.

it was dead silent in the room. the only sound that could be heard was the soft tick-tick-tick of the clock on the wall in renjun’s bedroom.

"i didn't say anything."

renjun uttered out, cheeks aflame with embarrassment.

"but, you did. you,” a quiver in your voice made itself present. “you said you were in love with me. didn't you? you did. you did, right?"

the worry couldn't stay out of your voice as much as you had wanted it to. your heart rate was increasing, panic settling in now as the weight of everything started to creep up on you, planting itself atop your shoulders little by little.

you were scared.

scared you were still dreaming, and that just made this whole scenario up.

scared that you and renjun didn't just kiss twice.

scared that the boy whose lap you were sitting on wasn't actually underneath you at all.

scared that your feelings weren't unrequited after all. scared that they were.

you were terrified, actually.

renjun could sense that. he'd be a fool if he didn't, seeing as the air in the room is so still that he automatically picked up on when your breath hitched and became more of a panicked pant rather than a steady inhale-exhale cycle.

"okay, hey, wait. hi lovebug, i’m right here,” he rubbed your back gently, attempting to get you to calm down.

“i did say it. i’m pretty sure that i’ve been in love with you since fifth grade."

"fifth grade?"

your voice cracked and renjun finally took this moment to look back up from his legs and at you. your eyes were filled with unshed tears, both from your panic and from the situation in general. you were just so overwhelmed and were struggling to process any of this fully.

yet, that's not what renjun wanted. he didn't want teary eyes and soft voices. he wanted to hear the same words uttered back to him. he wanted a kiss, a touch, anything other than the silence that's filled with tension so high-strung that choosing to break it could be a very dangerous game at this point.

yet, some part of you convinced yourself that this was some sort of cruel joke. you liked renjun, loved him even. yet, you were so unsure. so you opted to remain silent. and a hush fell upon the room.

—

the words circulate through your head for hours on end. you're still at renjun’s house but you’ve moved away from his room and into the little office space he considers his art studio. You’re careful not to touch any of his pieces, fearful of messing one up.

as your thoughts race, you look around and analyze his works. while you’re not an artist and don’t have a keen eye for detail yourself, you’ve gone with renjun on enough trips to the art museum that you deem yourself knowledgeable enough for this.

the small pile of blank canvases spread across the floor that are intermixed with unfinished designs reminds you of something. he had told you recently that he’s hit an artist’s block, a ‘very hard, and a very mean one’, according to him.

he had confessed this to you in a joking manner but you knew it was affecting him more than he let on. how could it have not when it was what he’s done his whole life? none of his art coming out the way he wanted, none of the messages he’s trying to convey shining through.

you glance at the crumpled sheets of paper that lay about the trash bin, some torn from his sketchbooks, others from plain college-ruled notebooks. it was if you could feel his frustration emanating from that pile, his own perception of failure that had been weighing down on him, the standards far too high.

if only he could see how wonderful he is, you wished. you’ve drawn before sure, whether it be begrudgingly for a school project or for fun while you’re at the park. but, you truly believe that renjun’s art belongs in museums. he’s on a different level than you, something that was made well aware when you took that art class together in grade school.

you always tell him that the fruits of his precocious labor deserve to be shown off internationally, to be appreciated by all. he'll brush you off with a shy smile and change the topic every time but it never affected your admiration for him. it only made you say it more often.

the corners of your mouth lift up in a small smile as you catch a glimpse of the piece he made up back in your sophomore year of high school. you asked for a portrait, not of yourself but of things he associates with you.

“so, you want a collage then?”

“no, make it in the shape of me, just not of me.”

he still understood the assignment despite your confusing instructions and came over to your house to give it to you a month later. you brushed off his rushed apologies for how long it took and held out your hands so he could hand your the finished project.

your expression was nothing other than pure joy as you took in his art. the outline was the shape of you sitting with your head back. ‘’must’ve been a photo he took of me while we were hanging out’, you thought as your eyes moved slowly across the canvas. you picked out certain things, like pokémon and anime characters, sheet music and a tiny break dancer. each thing you recognized brought an ecstatic giggle out of you and renjun breathed out a quiet sigh of relief.

while he knew you’d like anything he makes no matter what, this work stressed him out because he saw you as way more than the things you have interest in or made a part of your life. but seeing your satisfaction and how your eyes shine with wonderment, he thinks he genuinely did a good job.

your arms engulfed him in a tight hug, thanks spilled from your lips as his arms came around your stomach.

“thank you junbug. i really like it.”

you pulled away and he flashed you a bright smile.

“anytime, sugar.”

the petname earned him a pinch on the cheek but he still thinks it was worth it.

—

as you pull yourself out of the memory, a smile on your face, you realize a couple of things.

renjun’s love was always evident, obvious even, but he always masked it under the guise of your best friend. he’d always done anything he can for you, offering up a helping hand no matter how grueling the task. even if he pretended to not like you sometimes, he was always ready to risk it all.

yet, he also protected you often. like tonight, for example. you wouldn’t have stopped until you literally couldn’t move anymore at the studio. and maybe you couldn’t when he had come to pick you up, you can’t recall. but the outlying fact is that he knew where you were in the first place. you wonder if that was the first place he went or if he had to think about it. nonetheless, it doesn’t change the fact that he knew.

you thought back on your feelings, on your relationship with your best friend, and your feelings for said best friend.

you always thought he’d be a good boyfriend to somebody, not specifically to you but you can’t lie and say you haven’t entertained the thought. nor can you say you’ve never thought about kissing him.

you had a crush on him before, it was always a random occurrence. a wave of emotions far more than platonic for renjun coming up all at once on more than one occasion.

but, do you harbor those same feelings now? is the question you can’t answer.

—

you padded softly back into renjun’s bedroom. you didn’t exactly expect to find him sleeping again but you can’t say you expected to find him up drawing either.

“hey.”

it was soft, hard to catch and laden with emotions you couldn’t decipher.

“hi.”

and silence befell the room again. you at the doorway and him on his bed. he had yet to look up from his notebook while you focused your gaze on the ground.

maybe if you stared hard enough you could fall through it, and avoid this. the entire interaction. maybe it’ll be one of doctor strange’s portals and you could go back in time to before the confession.

renjun sighs before putting his items on his nightstand and looking up. if you won’t start, then he might as well do you both a favor and get this over with. it’s simpler that way anyway, he’s never been a ‘beat-around-the-bush’ person, as far as anyone else knows.

“i understand if you don’t reciprocate my-,”

“i like you, too.”

you had started talking simultaneously, as your head finally lifted in order for you to meet his eyes.

your confession shocked yourself as much as it shocked renjun. he had prepared himself for rejection, having accepted it as his fate already.

“you, you, you what?”

“like you? back?”

you didn’t doubt yourself but, it was hard not to consider you had let yourself say whatever you felt right at that moment without inhibition.

“are you sure? i’m completely fine with being rejected, y’know. i can get over it-,”

“no need to, jun. i’m sure.”

you took your first step since having walked back into the room and sat on the edge of his bed. you looked at the wall in front of you, which adorned the pieces that had been recognized in competitions, all of them earning nothing less than the ‘gold’.

“are you, sure you’re sure, though? like-,”

before renjun could continue on any further, you moved close enough to cover his mouth with your hand. you sent him a bright smile before speaking.

“yes. quite, actually. so, if you may be so inclined, could you be my boyfriend?”

you let your hand fall from his face and he sent you a playful glare before replying.

“despite the fact that your question was grammatically incorrect, i’m quite sure my answer is yes.”

“hush you.”

you looked into his eyes, and the both of you broke into a wide grin before he pulled you into a quick kiss.

"hold on, you said ‘like’. i said ‘love’, there is a difference in the-,”

you placed your finger on his lips and tilted your head as you smiled.

“i love you, too. is that better?”

“much.”

—

fifth grade was what renjun had said to you that night. you're in your last year of high school now. the confession was said a little more than 1 year ago. yet, your dynamic has changed remarkably.

you two don't just talk while expertly skipping over any hints at a love life anymore. you don't just hold hands ironically, only to pull apart with an offhand remark towards the clammy state of either of your hands anymore. you don't just eat lunch together because he’s your only close friend anymore. now, you do so much more than that. all the little things that were considered platonic, all the actions that the two of you did due to how close you were to each other had so much more significance to them now.

the times you two locked eyes across the hall, or a classroom, a smile would find its way onto your face, a warmth blossoming throughout your chest.

or when it’s ass’o’clock in the morning, yet not actually morning, renjun finds himself in his room, texting you. as if it’s routine, there’s never any real topic of conversation, he just wants to talk to you. you're half asleep yet you're doing everything in your power to send mildly coherent responses. it's not exactly going too well.

long after you've stopped replying for the night, and after the crickets have stopped chirping and the moon is shining her brightest, renjun wraps himself up in his thoughts. they used to shroud him in darkness, leave him cold, and choking on his sobs in the middle of the night. holes and spirals he'd go down, the escaping so much harder than the fall.

but now?

they wash over him gracefully, a cascade of emotions that can only be summed up to true happiness. he had you to thank for it. your smile, the way you hit something, or someone, every time you laugh, the way you don’t feel as if you have to act polite and cute in front of him.

he used to admire you from a position he thought he would stay in forever, so close to you yet so far from where he wanted to be. but now, you’re within his reach, within his grasp.

and it’s obvious from the closeness of your bodies as you walk the streets of seoul late at night, to the secret moments you share in bed together. the soft kisses exchanged, the questions you ask each other that the both of you may have to thank TOK courses for having the ability to answer. the intimacy of it all, it was addicting. it made both of you feel wanted, appreciated, and loved by the other.

which is why the night when renjun walked in on you sharing that intimacy with someone else, it hurt. the closeness of your bodies, the flirtatious giggles, all of it.

it hurt him so bad. he couldn't fathom the reality of it all. he questioned himself as he took in th scene before him. was he not enough? was he merely just an object now? no longer the person that made you happy? that made you feel loved anymore? did you not want him anymore?

his questions were answered when he heard you utter the words 'i love you' to the unknown person. his heart dropped. tears clouded renjun’s eyes as he stormed into your shared bedroom, heart torn in two. sadness and rage dying down to a mere dull ache in his heart.

you looked up quickly, eyes widening. your hair stuck to your forehead, face flushed and covered in a sheen of sweat. immediately, you pushed the other person away, who had attempted to cower under the covers.

"renjun...i-,"

he shook his head, still in disbelief but unwilling to near any sorry excuse you had at the moment. his eyes bored into yours, excpet they weren't relaying the love and compassion you had grown used to. it was anger.

"save it. i spent most of my life loving you. for an entire 10 years, my heart was yours. i didn't look at anyone else with the same adoration i held for you. i didn't even think about anyone else. you were it for me. you were the only one i truly thought i could spend my life with. but i'm pretty sure i won't be thinking of you like that for a long time now. so, i hope the person under the sheets knows that you're a fucking dick. and i hope you know that, too. especially you.”

as renjun’s ramble dies down, his heart swells tremendously, with emotions he can't describe, tears slipping down his cheeks.

he shakes his head again, bottom lip quivering. he wipes the backs of his hands across his cheeks as he turns on his heels and leaves. he hears his name get called as you rush to pull yourself together and chase him out. he doesn't listen, he keeps walking.

a hand catches his wrist, and he doesn't turn. he keeps walking, dragging you behind him without a single care.

"hey, i'm not a fucking toy wagon, stop fucking walking."

"why should i? why don't you go back to fucking around with that boy you love so much? he seemed cute. and if you don't want to get dragged, get the fuck off of me then."

"if i let go, you'll leave. i can't lose you, jun . i’m sorry, i’m so sorry from the bottom of my heart. just, please, don’t leave me. i can’t lose you, i can’t. i, i can change? it was stupid, that was stupid. i wasn't thinking straight and i'm so, so sorry. junnie please, i can't lose you.

he scoffed, still not glancing back.

"you lost me the moment you decided that that was a good idea. the moment you went behind my back to satisfy your need for something i obviously wasn't giving you. you haven't ‘had’ me for however long that’s been going on. get that through your thick, fucking skull."

at that, renjun pulls his wrist out of your grasp. you were spared no attention as he walked away, blending into the crowd.

oh, and then it started raining. well, that's always fun.

— © jijiluvr 2021, all rights reserved