Jin Series - Tumblr Posts
simple thing | mini masterlist | ksj
・ pairing: ex! seokjin x ex!afab!reader
・genre: exes to ? | angst | smut | marriage AU! | actor jin | non idol AU ・+18
・summary: seven years ago, you left seokjin to pursue your dreams abroad. you promised to come back to him, but your pride prevented you from doing so. now, he resents you and all you have left is regret.
・banner: made by the amazing @gfxstdio
・permanent taglist: @goldenhoney-cas @yuugehn
part one .
© seokjins-luigi, 2023
simple thing | part one | ksj
・pairing: ex! seokjin x ex!afab!reader ・genre: exes to ? | angst | smut | marriage AU! | actor jin | non idol AU ・+18
・summary: seven years ago, you left seokjin to pursue your dreams abroad. you promised to come back to him, but your pride prevented you from doing so. now, he resents you and all you have left is regret.
・release date: jan 8 - 6 pm (GMT-3)
・A/N: there it is :) i'm really excited to tell this story! as always, you feedback is highly appreciated!
・word count: 6.081
・banner: made by the amazing @gfxstdio
・permanent taglist: @goldenhoney-cas @yuugehn
・series taglist: @bri-mal @firesighgirl
“Oh, ______, imagine when it’s your turn”, you heard the dreamy tone in your best friend’s voice and almost laughed.
“I think you should open yourself up to the possibility of never being my maid of honor, because it’s extremely unlikely that I’ll ever get married”, you answered as you stared at your own reflection in the mirror, pleased with the adjustments made on your gown for the upcoming event. “Deep down, you know that”.
“Well, it’s not like you have no options, bitch. You just don’t allow anyone in your life ever since you came back”, Haewon counters, her voice coming from behind you, but you know her eyes are also on your gown. “Aw, you look so beautiful in it, _____. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but-”.
Her voice cracks and you turn around only to find your best friend with her face buried in her hands, obviously breaking the promise she’d made to herself. You understand where this is coming from and can’t help yourself when you feel your own eyes welling up as you wrap your mind around what’s really happening here.
Haewon is finally getting married to the love of her life. You already knew that, of course, but seeing yourself in the dress you’d wear on your best friend’s wedding, a day the two of you had dreamed about for so long, with all the adjustments and fittings done filled your heart with so much love, so much selfless happiness.
“You’re such a fucking softie! Come here…” You manage to say with an unstable voice, as you wrapped your arms around your lifelong best friend. “I’m so happy for you, Haewon-ah!”
“Ugh, I’m so fucking happy I can’t even put into words. But I’m also so nervous at the same time”, she sniffs, wiping the tears away from her eyes delicately so she wouldn’t smudge her mascara. “Like, intrusive thoughts keep getting in the way, what if Yoongi simply says ‘no’?”
“Ha! As if!” You let out a sincere laugh, smiling softly at her as you continue. “This is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard you say”.
“Aren’t you gonna reassure me saying that Yoongi loves me more than anything or something?” She asks in a wobbly voice.
Which is funny, because in front of you stands one of the most confident women you know. You guess being a bride does mess with your brain.
“Do I really have to?”
“Not really”, she answers shyly, as if coming to the most obvious conclusion ever. She continues, trying to get off this specific subject. “And you… Especially in this dress, will definitely get yourself a hookup and live the drama of your dreams at your best friend’s wedding, have you thought of that? I think Kitae is single, by the way”.
“My god… You were crying two seconds ago thinking about the possibility of Yoongi leaving you, now you’re telling me about Hwang Kitae’s love life status… What happens inside this brain of yours, Haewon-ah?!” You poke her head playfully with your pointer finger. “Can’t I just look forward to enjoying the party or something? I can get a hookup any other time of the year”, you reply, automatically rolling your eyes at her.
She bursts out laughing, knowing very well it would annoy the shit out of you. She simply doesn’t understand that you have priorities in life and getting laid was not number one on that list. Not that you don’t want to get laid or flirt with hot guys, of course you do. But you have so many responsibilities at the university, not only are you a new professor, but as the Department Chair of the Paleontological faculty of one the top universities in Seoul. You’ve been invited back to your country to take up the position and you couldn’t be more honored with the invitation, you didn't even second guess your choice to leave the lab you had been working in China. The endless hours you’ve spent in libraries studying your ass off, at the lab or out at fieldwork were worth it and you finally got the job of your dreams.
Since you returned to South Korea relatively recently, it’s harder to get your social life back on track. And it’s not like the piles of paperwork you need to do every week will just work themselves, so you don’t have much time to spend flirting.
And it’s fine, you love what you do.
“Well… You know he’s gonna be there”, Haewon suggests with a suspicious wiggle of her eyebrows.
“Yeah, I know, Haewon-ah!” You stare at her for one second, then continue, a little too short on your patience than you’d care to admit. “Can’t you just leave my love life alone for a holy second?”
“I’m just saying, love. Don’t be mad at me”, she raises her hands, in sign of peace and you sigh. “I just feel like it’s good to emphasize that you’ll be seeing Seokjin in a couple of days. It can get awkward or uncomfortable, or make you feel bad, I just want you to prepare yourself mentally to go through it with beauty and grace, at least”.
Kim Seokjin is a touchy subject for you. A touchy subject you preferred to avoid for the past two years of your life, but, unfortunately, you wouldn’t be able to postpone this for much longer.
The mere image of Seokjin on your brain was enough to stir your insides up. Thinking about seeing him again makes you want to run away from Korea once more, leaving everything behind, just like you did 7 years ago. If it wasn’t Haewon’s wedding, you might as well have just done that.
But some things are better dealt with when faced with spontaneity and this is the plan you mean to follow when facing him after 7 years apart. The plan is: you will see.
“Yeah, I know”, you turn your gaze towards the mirror once again, taking in how good you look in the gown. At least, when you meet him again, you’ll look gorgeous. “It’ll be fine. Care to help me with this zipper?”
Something you couldn’t mention to Haewon was the fact that being a maid of honor was stressful as hell, but you could vent out about it to Hoseok, your other best friend. You did that pretty frequently, you might add.
That’s what friends are for, right?
“I swear to god, Hoseok!” Laying on your bed, you avow in a dramatic, but honest tone. “Chaewon is gonna try to start some drama on the wedding day, I know that devil pretty well. And honestly, I don’t know what to do to prevent it”.
“Can’t we just uninvite her?” He asks, laughing on the other end.
“I’d love to, but Haewon wants to give her a chance”, you stare calmly at your ceiling as you speak to your friend. “Yoongi told me that I shouldn’t allow her to give a speech, quoting: ‘under no circumstances’”, you try to make an impression of his raspy, low voice. “I wouldn’t let her touch the mic anyways, but having the groom to back me up makes everything easier”.
“Yah, _____, you shouldn’t worry so much! We’re all gonna be there to help you manage that dragon”, he answers you, giggling softly after calling the bride’s half sister a dragon. “And about that, when I say “we’re all gonna be there”, I mean, all of us. Including Seokj-”
“I know that, Hoseok”, you cut him short. “You guys really don’t have to bring him up every time we speak to each other, ok?”
“Ok… Sorry”, he replies tonelessly. “I just felt like I could point it out, since we’re all staying at the same hotel. But, anyways, go get some sleep, it’s pretty late”.
That’s the best thing about being best friends with an Aquarius sun, they will respect your boundaries no matter how wrong they think you are. You know he, just like Haewon, thinks you should face the problem, but he knows you are a grown ass woman and he just doesn’t even try to press the matter. He just leaves you be.
You check the time on your phone and he’s right. It’s 12:12 am and, unfortunately, your work at the university has turned you into an early riser.
“You too, Seok Seok, make sure to get some rest after lending your ear to my stressed self. Good night”, trying to soften your voice, feeling a faint pang of guilt on your chest for being rude to him.
“Night, sweetums”.
You hang up and throw your phone somewhere on your bed, rolling away from it to try to clear your mind. Could Haewon and Hoseok be right about Seokjin?
Like, do you need to prepare yourself before meeting him again after so long? But then again, how could you even begin to prepare yourself for something like that?
It wasn’t like you didn’t have to see his face every so often on your tv. You did. In fact, he’s the reason you haven’t kept up with the drama releases in the past few years, since he’s been the lead on so many. Yes, you know you’re the one who left, but it didn’t mean you left because you had no feelings for him, you were just scared. You’re human, after all, you’re allowed to regret.
But life finds a way and so do you. You fall asleep not long after reaching that conclusion, but tonight, you couldn’t avoid seeing Seokjin in your dreams.
Something you couldn’t mention to Haewon was the fact that being a maid of honor was stressful as hell, but you could vent out about it to Hoseok, your other best friend. You did that pretty frequently, you might add.
That’s what friends are for, right?
“I swear to god, Hoseok!” Laying on your bed, you avow in a dramatic, but honest tone. “Chaewon is gonna try to start some drama on the wedding day, I know that devil pretty well. And honestly, I don’t know what to do to prevent it”.
“Can’t we just uninvite her?” He asks, laughing on the other end.
“I’d love to, but Haewon wants to give her a chance”, you stare calmly at your ceiling as you speak to your friend. “Yoongi told me that I shouldn’t allow her to give a speech, quoting: ‘under no circumstances’”, you try to make an impression of his raspy, low voice. “I wouldn’t let her touch the mic anyways, but having the groom to back me up makes everything easier”.
“Yah, _____, you shouldn’t worry so much! We’re all gonna be there to help you manage that dragon”, he answers you, giggling softly after calling the bride’s half sister a dragon. “And about that, when I say “we’re all gonna be there”, I mean, all of us. Including Seokj-”
“I know that, Hoseok”, you cut him short. “You guys really don’t have to bring him up every time we speak to each other, ok?”
“Ok… Sorry”, he replies tonelessly. “I just felt like I could point it out, since we’re all staying at the same hotel. But, anyways, go get some sleep, it’s pretty late”.
That’s the best thing about being best friends with an Aquarius sun, they will respect your boundaries no matter how wrong they think you are. You know he, just like Haewon, thinks you should face the problem, but he knows you are a grown ass woman and he just doesn’t even try to press the matter. He just leaves you be.
You check the time on your phone and he’s right. It’s 12:12 am and, unfortunately, your work at the university has turned you into an early riser.
“You too, Seok Seok, make sure to get some rest after lending your ear to my stressed self. Good night”, trying to soften your voice, feeling a faint pang of guilt on your chest for being rude to him.
“Night, sweetums”.
You hang up and throw your phone somewhere on your bed, rolling away from it to try to clear your mind. Could Haewon and Hoseok be right about Seokjin?
Like, do you need to prepare yourself before meeting him again after so long? But then again, how could you even begin to prepare yourself for something like that?
It wasn’t like you didn’t have to see his face every so often on your tv. You did. In fact, he’s the reason you haven’t kept up with the drama releases in the past few years, since he’s been the lead on so many. Yes, you know you’re the one who left, but it didn’t mean you left because you had no feelings for him, you were just scared. You’re human, after all, you’re allowed to regret.
But life finds a way and so do you. You fall asleep not long after reaching that conclusion, but tonight, you couldn’t avoid seeing Seokjin in your dreams.
As the day of the big event approached, you started packing slowly, since you hated packing for trips. You were in no position to complain, since Yoongi basically rented the whole hotel for the wedding guests. Like, it’s not a mediocre kind of hotel, it’s one of the best hotels in Daegu. He insisted on hosting the wedding in his home city and Haewon didn’t oppose to it, since she is from the capital and they live there already.
Hoseok went to Daegu before you, by plane. You preferred to take a car trip, since it wasn’t such a long journey from Seoul to Daegu. You do love driving, so it’s a good chance to take some time and do something you love for a change. Plus, you think it’s good to have your own car with you while you’re there, because if you need to rush with any last minute details for the wedding, you wouldn’t have to depend on anything other than yourself.
When you remember your best friend is about to marry one of the most famous rappers from Korea, you always smile. Like, everything turned out the way it was supposed to be. She was a big lawyer, he was a big artist. Hoseok, also known as J-Hope was the one who introduced them, since Yoongi and him were under the same label. You were away for years, doing what you have always dreamed to do.Namjoon, a friend you don’t get to see as often, because he’s always super busy, became a very relevant art curator known worldwide for his work. Seokjin became Korea's favorite heartthrob.
Things changed a lot since you were all young and in high school making all those plans. It took you a few hours, but with these thoughts keeping you company, the car trip to Yoongi’s hometown went flying.
The hotel your friend’s fiance booked for his guests couldn’t be more opulent, you were in awe the moment you first laid your eyes on its front. Tall gray walls rose against the Daegu sky, with several glossy windows reflecting the city lights. On the top floor, you can see a gigantic swimming pool that would be delightfully pleasant for you on these hot summer days.
After parking your car in the hotel facilities, you checked yourself in and rushed to your room. Laying in your bed’s comfortable white sheets, ordering something nice from the hotel’s restaurant and having the night to relax. You were very happy to find out you could access your Netflix account while there, so you chose a random romantic comedy movie to chill while you ate.
“Don’t you have any other friends, Haewon-ah? Why does it have to be me?” You uttered loudly, lowering your face in the direction of the sink, where your phone rested against the counter while you washed your face, still a bit slow due to the early hours.
“Will it kill you, _____?” You hear Haewon’s voice coming as loud as yours from the speaker of your phone.
“Yeah, probably!” You affirmed and gestured as if she could see you. “Ugh, doesn’t Yoongi have any friends to ask for stuff? What’s the point of being famous if you can’t ask favors from important people?”
“If you think about it, you’re kind of important too… You’re the most relevant paleontologist in South Korea right now”, you can see in your mind’s eye the expression on her face as she strokes your ego with this particular comment.
You’re not usually a very narcissistic person, but when it comes to your professional life… You kind of are. Haewon knows that and she, sometimes, uses that in her own favor.
“Yeah, well, long story short is: I don't want to!” You stare at your reflection for a second in order to help you think about something else to say. “Can’t Chanyeol go?”
“No, he can’t”, she answers dryly. “Don’t be a fucking child, _____. I know you have nothing important to do today and I’m asking you for a favor”.
She is right, you have nothing to do this afternoon. You wanted to chill some more by the pool, but you know she will just laugh at you if you say that. You have no other excuses to give her, there’s apparently no way out of this.
“Can't this guy just call an Uber or something?” You try for the last time.
“_____, he’s stopped the shootings of his next movie in freaking Japan to come to my wedding, I can’t just leave him and greet him like any other guest” Yeah, she has a point. You don’t really show it, but you agree with her. Seokjin has always been a considerate friend, damn him for that. “And you two are gonna have to talk to each other in a few hours anyways, can’t you try to make it a little less uncomfortable? We’re all staying at the same fucking hotel. I think if you two meet alone before the rehearsal dinner, it will be easier to deal with each other’s presence. You’re my maid of honor, _____”.
You knew since day one that, as a maid of honor, you’d have many obligations in your friend’s wedding and when you accepted to be Haewon’s maid of honor, you were counting on being bothered with all sorts of requests from her. Even your assistant, Jeon Jungkook, helped every once in a while when you were too busy at the university. But honestly? The only thing you didn't see coming was having to pick Kim Seokjin up at the airport. All by yourself.
Apparently god, the gods or whoever runs the skies or whatever has a very controversial sense of humor. And this thing enjoyed putting you in all sorts of embarrassing situations. Because, come on, having to pick up your ex-boyfriend of years, who you broke up with to go study abroad and who also happened to be very hurt by the breakup at the time, at the fucking international airport was a fucking joke. If you saw it coming, you’d have joined Hoseok on the airplane.
Sighing in defeat, you finally ask your best friend.
“What time do I fucking have to be there?”
You drove to the airport with The Seeds of Love blasting through the sound system of your car, singing along to each and every single one of the songs, in a desperate attempt to calm yourself the fuck down. It worked to a certain degree, but you were still feeling the annoying, but familiar sensation inside of you.
When you parked the car in the airport’s parking lot, you had to fight the urge to vomit and to run away at the same time. You know that seeing Seokjin for the first time in years will definitely mess with you in ways you didn’t even want to imagine.
You don’t particularly enjoy this sensation, to feel extremely lost into someone, but also utterly vulnerable. That’s why you didn’t keep your word. That’s why you didn’t look for him when you came back. Being with him always made you feel like there’s no one else in the world, apart from him. It was a sensation like no other, loving someone with your whole heart and soul, but the vulnerability that necessarily comes with it doesn’t really sit well with you. It doesn’t even suit you anymore.
Also, deep down, you knew he had already moved on and it was incredibly naive of you to think a man like Seokjin would be single for long. To make matters worse, he is an actor, for god’s sake. He would never wait for you, when he has the chance to be with people who are completely out of your league, but totally into his league.
That’s why the best option for you was just to move on with your own ordinary, academic life. Find someone nice and as ordinary as you, Seokjin and you don't belong in the same world anymore and that’s fine. That’s how life works. Things aren’t unchangeable and so aren’t people.
With your mind racing, you tried the breathing exercise your psychologist taught before leaving the car, but the magic didn’t work this time around. You couldn’t stop thinking and speculating about how'd you really feel when you finally laid your eyes on him.
Your legs dragged you into the arrivals area, as your eyes scanned the place in hopes of finding Seokjin before he found you. You didn’t arrive at the airport much earlier than you should have, because you knew that you’d be anxious as fuck, which didn’t give you much time to only think or speculate how you’d feel when your eyes lay on Seokjin’s after so long. You found out pretty soon, when unexpectedly you saw his brown, almond shaped eyes staring directly at yours, as soon as the doors from arrival opened. It’s like after all this time, he still found you in a crowded room no matter what.
For a couple of seconds, it felt like everybody else in the world was out of focus and Seokjin was everything you could see. He came walking towards you, his face remained in a stoic expression and you desperately tried to recompose yourself, more on the inside than on the outside, since you’ve always been good at hiding your feelings. It felt so surreal seeing him, after he became a celebrity, after you left him to pursue your dreams, so many things have happened and so much has changed in the meantime. Each step he takes in your direction, makes you realize it was all real.
He is there in front of you, Kim Seokjin, in flash and bones. He still looked the same as he looked seven years ago, the same striking beauty that always made you think you were the luckiest woman in the world. You really were.
He was wearing an oversized black sweatshirt and also a pair of oversized blue jeans, he looks so fucking cool it hurts. His hair is longer than he used to have back then, but you really think the longer hair suits him very well. You almost hate him for looking so effortlessly handsome.
You tried giving him a half smile, because the fact that he didn’t react in any way to your presence made you feel nervous. He didn’t smile back, though as he got closer, he bowed to you. Simply bowed, as if you were just an ordinary acquaintance.
Gulping, you bowed back at him.
“Seokjin-ssi, hi! Wow, it’s been so long”, you tried, in a desperate attempt to make the situation less awkward.
He pressed his lips together and nodded, not really looking you in the eyes right now. Yeah, he probably still hates you. Great! Did you really have to mention it’s been long? Of course it’s been long since the last time you’ve seen each other and it’s all thanks to you. You’re so bad at small talk.
Why did you allow Haewon convince you to do this, for god’s sake?
“Er- Shall we, then?” You ask him, the silliest and most awkward smile still hanging on your lips.
“Lead the way”, he replies and hearing the sound of his velvety voice for the first time makes you quiver on the inside.
“Do you…N-Need any help with your baggage?” You felt like a teenager trying to talk to her high school crush, stuttering like that.
“Oh no, I got it”, he denies and nods his head no, his black hair moving like silk against the wind. “Er- Thanks, though”.
He sounded a tiny bit less cold, which made you feel 0,1% better. You’ll need a very long hot bath to relax after this, you know for sure. You turned without trying to say anything else and made your way towards your car silently, listening to him following you in a safe distance. Your mind was racing trying to find a way to have light small talk with him, because the awkward silence you were forced to share with him right now made you feel like crying.
The weather? Fuck no. Soccer? You don’t care for sports. Politics? You’re not sure of his political opinions nowadays. No silly or light comments came to your mind and trying to mention the wedding would be too obviously a desperate attempt and Seokjin wasn’t stupid.
You helped him accommodate his belongings in the trunk of your car almost in silence, only exchanging a few words about the car and you were ready to get in and endure the longest car ride from the airport to the hotel.
However, he surprised you when you heard his voice meeting your ears.
“Good to know you came back, ______-ssi”, then, Seokjin opened the car door and took his seat.
Ok, so, he wants to do this. Better than giving you the silent treatment all the way to the hotel, you figured. You follow him on the inside of your car and try giving him another half smile, obviously trying to show him you wanted this to go as smoothly as possible.
“Yes, I’m back”, you laugh nervously as you start the car. “It’s been two ye-”.
“I know”, he cuts you off. “I know it’s been two years”.
You know he knows. You have friends in common, who have obviously mentioned that you came back to Korea, at some point. You’ve always known this conversation would happen, but as much as you tried to prepare yourself for this moment, you realized you couldn't truly be prepared for it.
“Oh”, that’s all you managed to say.
This is the only man you’ve ever loved in your entire life. Finally confronting you after you left. Looking at his eyes, they burned with resentment. You understand his reasons, of course you do. You left him after he proposed to you right after college, to follow your dreams, to become who you are today. You loved him, but you’d never give up on your dreams for anyone and you also didn’t want him to give up on his dreams because of you. His career was starting to take off when you got the scholarship in China and he offered to leave everything behind to go with you.
But you said no to him.
It hurt like hell to do so, of course it did. You loved him, but because you loved him you couldn’t tell him it was ok to give up on his dreams, on his career, on his life to be with you in another country for god knows how many years. Because you loved him, you couldn’t be selfish. That’s why you left, but it didn’t matter how many times you tried to explain your reasons to him, he would never fully understand.
“If I remember correctly, you said you’d come and look for me when you came back”, he raised his brows as he said it softly, disguising his rancor. “What happened? Was it hard to track me down or something?”
He knew it wasn’t, since he’s one of Korea’s sweethearts right now.
“Very funny, Seokjin”, you sigh, looking at the road, trying your best to stay focused on the traffic.
“Yeah, I’ve always managed to make you laugh, right? Good thing I’ve built my career in show business, huh?” You felt his eyes burning where they touched you, as he fixed his gaze on your side profile. “But let me try a different approach. Why didn’t you keep your word? All these years, I… have waited for you, _____”.
“Did you, though?” You glance at his figure for a second and you see his eyes widening, then you turn your full attention back to the road ahead of you. “It wasn't like you’ve been single these past few years, you know? How did you expect me to come back years later, begging you to give me another chance after reading all about your flings with your coworkers all this time?”
He laughs humorlessly and when you don’t follow him, he asks you lowly.
“Are you serious?”
“Why would I not be?” You pinch your eyebrows as you reply to his question with another one.
“You tell me”, he scoffs, running his hands through his hair, then sighs loudly. “And don’t try to change the focus here. I asked you a question first”
“Seokjin, I…”, your voice trails off and you simply stop trying to find something to say.
Does he really need you to confess that you were scared that, after all those years, you were afraid of getting rejected? Doesn’t it go without saying? When you left, everything was different. Seokjin has always attracted the attention of, basically, everyone. He has always had unmatched visuals, an unique sense of humor, charisma, intelligence, morals. It took you such a long time to build your trust on him and on your relationship, because in the beginning, you’d compare yourself to everyone who approached him, scared he’d realize he could do so much better with other people, who were prettier, smarter, funnier than with you. Does he really need you to say that you just got scared all over again?
“Why didn’t you come find me when you came back, ______-ssi, like you promised?” He stressed the last word out as he spoke slowly, clearly annoyed by your silence.
“Things… changed”, you declared hesitantly, taking the easy road on your way to avoid focusing this too much on your feelings. “Haven’t they?”
“Not for me”, he replies without even wincing, then he adds. “Why? Have they changed for you?”
They haven’t, actually. You wish you could just tell him everything, like you used to. Just let him know how you really feel, how insecure you felt all the times you thought about calling him or even going after him in person. But how could you? Time does, in fact, change things. As much as two people wish for things to stay the same, they hardly ever do.
What you really wanted after all these years was just to throw yourself into Seokjin’s arms and find the comfort no one else has been able to give you ever since. If only he knew how much you craved him and how difficult it was to be inside of your car right now, where his perfume filled the whole space and almost made you intoxicated with longing.
You wish you were a little more selfish, so you’d just ignore the fact that everything happened the way it did and just throw yourself into his arms, not giving a shit about what comes next.
But you aren’t selfish, at least, not when it comes to Kim Seokjin.
With your mind racing, you hesitate before you’re able to form a coherent sentence in your brain and he notices.
“Ok, I see how it is, ______”, his head snaps in your direction again, even though you got your eyes focused on the road, you feel his eyes on you. “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you? Of course you are, for fuck’s sake. Of course you’ve found someone after all these years…”
If only he knew you’d compared every guy you met all this time to him, he’d laugh so hard, he’d probably get hiccups. You haven’t been able to establish true connections with anyone else ever since you left him, unlike him, who’s been involved in several dating rumors during these past few years. You know because you read all of the details from every single one of them, while the only dates you had ended up being on night stands with random guys you met in bars.
“No, I’m not”, you coldly reply, turning your face into his direction for a split second, just to see the surprise taking over his face.
“You’re not seeing anyone, then?” He allows the words to roll off his tongue slowly, repeating the question he asked you a few seconds ago, only this time the disbelief was obvious in his tone.
“No”.
Seokjin crosses his arms in front of his chest and breathes through his nose loudly. Maybe this was as uncomfortable to him as it was to you. You just couldn’t wrap your head around why he’d want to do this after all this time, both of you had said everything there was to be said back then. There just isn’t a reason for you to go through this all over again, fortunately, you aren’t far from his hotel now. You soon would be away from him all over again, safely hidden at your hotel room, where you could cry all night long, until the gigantic lump in your throat disappeared. Mostly because you’d try to forget about it with a relatively expensive bottle of wine.
After a brief moment of silence, he starts again.
“I just… Need to hear you saying why”, he turned to you as he spoke and it sounded like he was on the verge of crying.
Knowing you made him suffer has been something that prevented you from sleeping every once in a while and a lot of times you ended the nights hating yourself for it. You hate yourself for causing all of this. You just wish life was easier, you wish you could have everything you want, you wish you could have had a brilliant career and Seokjin at the same time.
After all these years, the truth is he doesn’t need you anymore. He’s famous, he can have anyone he wants. You just wish he could understand that and that it was the sacrifice you decided to make on his behalf. You want him to be happy, not stuck with you and your unexciting academic career.
“I really don’t know, Seokjin. There’s no… specific reason, I guess”, you gazed at him as you summoned the strength to continue. “I just think it doesn’t make sense to me anymore”.
It obviously is harder than you think, because you know none of it is true. You’re just a coward, you just avoided him these two past years, because you were scared of being permanently dumped. You guess you preferred the what if, than to really just let Seokjin go. You were not ready to let him go, he’s always been your haven, your safe place, even after the two of you broke up. He’s your favorite memory.
And it was better to have his memory untouched, than spoiling it with real life and getting dumped because he was having the time of his life as a famous actor, fucking god knows who.
“What doesn’t make sense?” He queries you almost in a whisper.
“Us”, you reply in the same tone. It takes every ounce of strength in you, but you lie again.
You don’t see it, but his eyes darken the minute your words meet his ears like a sucker punch to his stomach.
He takes in a deep breath and seconds later, your car is filled with his low, deeper voice.
“So, you’re saying that everything we lived together, everything we shared… The promises both of us made to each other… None of it makes sense to you anymore?”
Judging by the way he just asked you this, you were slowly starting to realize that, perhaps, it all still makes sense to him, just like it still makes sense to you. Perhaps, he’s been waiting for you to return, like you promised. Just like Haewon and Hoseok had foreseen it, but you refused to believe it. Because you are a fucking coward, the worst kind. You lie to people and you lie to yourself in a desperate attempt to protect your pride.
It was far too late to change your mind now. Specially, after the way he spoke to you now. You know he’s deeply hurt and things will, in fact, never be the same again.
You can’t even think about anything to say. You aren’t mentally able to tell him again that you think your history simply doesn’t make sense, the kind of love you and Seokjin have for each other doesn’t just stop making sense.
“You know what, ______-ssi? Nevermind” He breaks the silence, but his voice is still a little louder than just a whisper. “I thought I could do this, but it’s impossible to have this type of conversation like this. Can you please stop this car!? I’ll call myself an Uber”.
“What?” You ask him, dumbfounded. “I’m not gonna just drop you on the side of the road, we’re almost there-”.
“I’ll be fine”, he cuts you off dryly and louder than before. “I’ve been fine without you these past seven years of my life, it’s not like I need you anyways”.
Okay, you deserve to hear that. Your brain goes into code red and you’re very happy that you’re a good driver, because you know you can’t fully function right now. You open your mouth in an attempt to argue against his request, but no sound comes out of it.
“Seriously, ______. Stop this car”, he demands, this time around.
Your feet automatically hit the brakes, just like he told you to, stopping the car by the sidewalk. You’re still taking it all in. You imagined this wouldn’t end well, but you even surprised yourself with how bad it actually ended, all thanks to you, of course.
“Please, just send my baggage to my room when you get there”, he sneers, his eyes glued on your figure and you can’t muster up the courage to look into his eyes.
He opens the door and gets out of your car calmly, then closes the door delicately. That’s the scariest part of it all, Seokjin is the confronting type, he doesn’t take shit from people and he didn’t even want to continue talking with the conversation, there was no closure. He just cut you off. He couldn’t bear being in the same space as you. Saying the shit you said was probably the final nail to this coffin and as much as you hate admitting it to yourself, you were the one who dug this grave. You followed his figure with your eyes as he distanced himself from your car, not even once looking back.
He is now totally free to move on with his life, as he’s supposed to. He’s rich, beautiful, talented, charismatic, funny, relevant, famous. You don’t belong with him anymore and that’s fine. Some people aren’t made to be together and it is fine.
It actually isn’t fine, not at all, but you’ll learn how to live with it. You’re just happy to know he’ll live his life to the fullest now, after burying his past with you.
Lucky you driving has calming effects on you, so you play your sad girl vibe playlist and drive back to your place, as tears rolled down your cheeks.
© seokjins-luigi, 2023
KIM SEOKJIN
All my works on Kim Seokjin!!
Hidden Behind a Smile:
Y/N befriends a masked stranger who shares a similar interest in her favorite band. As they get closer, what will she discover through him about the idol she's admired for so long?
CH1 - Card Declined
CH2 - Coffee Shop
CH3 - The Ticket
CH4 - The Fan Meet
CH5 - The Message
CH6 - A Blissful Day
I hope you enjoy what I have of the series so far!! It's one of my favorite fics for sure :)