Jj Vents - Tumblr Posts
sadly yes
parents be like you can’t imagine how hard it is for us to deal with your mental illness
and you think it cuts your throat out a little more every time he dismisses you, shakes his head in disappointment and turns away from you, because who is this man standing in front of you? who is the woman sitting off to the side, hands pressed tightly together as if it can stem the flow of angry words coming from her husband?
you sure don’t recognize either of them.
it burns your throat to even think about talking to him, to try and clear anything up, because if you even try, you know that somehow, things will be your fault again and you’ll be back to square one.
you let yourself think things were getting better. that was your fault, huh? your mistake, into convincing your hesitant mind that it was all okay now, that both of you had changed, grown from your mistakes.
he’s stemmed into something you don’t understand, a mass of mangled vines and poisonous blossoms, like snakes hissing at you if you even try to take a step towards him.
you’ve gone the other way. it’s all a mess, a bloody mess, of tears that ricochet right back at you, of the shards of your heart twisting inwards, probing at your organs, threatening to slide right through your chest as you lie there, helpless.
do you really deserve this? when he sits back down, facing you with that solemn expression, you wonder if you should put up with it any longer. was it even worth it? did it ever mean something?
sometimes you feel like a burden, wrapped away in your little corner of the world because everyone else seems to be in their little bubble of happiness, their town of joy, and you’re standing outside the glass, praying for a way in.
but you can’t shatter the glass, so you watch them. you push yourself away to busy yourself with everything they have to say to you, but the day eventually ends and dusk will inevitably pull back at you, forcing you to retrace your steps to where you fooled yourself into thinking you escaped from.
it's a silent scream that no one hears, because when a tree falls in the forest, is there anyone around to hear it? anyone around to care enough?
cause right, you do fuck everything up and maybe you make some bad choices but are are you making it? are you just surviving or living life? is it easy or hard for you to write a speech for the morning and carry out your day like some background character in the video game of your life? just a piece of code?
you think pieces of code are easier to live with.
you think it would be easier if there was nothing to live with.
i suppose even the offer should be gracious. to sit and stare through a screen at a scene where i should be, but i am missing.
i wonder who to blame for this. who is at fault for the reason i can only see the painting of everyone having fun, and only witness it from afar.
perhaps i should be content with the idea that i at least saw her, through a screen, albeit, but although children have less arpund the world, where i am from, they have more.
more than me. it is never enough.
her smile was angelic. i only wish i saw it in person, because the vision of pixels that i can see is not the same as her true being.
making the effort to come would've ended in fruitless, bitter disaster, but if i had tried, would i have earned five minutes of heaven?
hours, minutes, seconds, away from what could truly cure this ache.
what is sorrowful is the fact that this will not be the last. there will always be another party, another inside joke, another thing i do not understand because how could i?
i was never there.
i will never be there.
i cant
i think brain cancers the stupidest shit to ever be
cancer in its fullest
like wtf why do you exist
taking away the people ik
so... i kinda freaked out
if you cant tell already ive been raised to have abandonment issues
oh, how the stars sparkle through the ringlets washing down your face, bathing you in yet another golden glow. your mind is a beautiful, strange island with lush, blooming plant life and majestic animals that seem to prance through the forests that occupy your thoughts.
i would like to say that you are merely an ethereal being, drifting through from the heavens, an angel downcast to bless us with your ideas, feathery wings curled behind your wisps of hair that trail behind you like smoke.
every word you speak keeps the world captivated, entranced, enthralled. no one can expect what comes from your mouth, or what flows from the gentle strokes of your fingertips. this might be blunt but…
i should like to think of your lips as the opening to a gateway, golden arches and still ponds. your billowing dress dips into the water, causing ripples of longing.
dare i say that it is not the ivory string of fate that brought us together, but the idea that if you were here with me, our fingers would be entwined in a most mystical way. you are the soft shimmers that ripple from anklets, the puffy, white foam that sinks into the beach.
if one part of you is your words, the other part is what i imagine to be your smile. teeth so eloquently spaced, letting the gentle stream of your words through like the rolling hills on a sunny afternoon.
you may not know me, but i know you.
i only wish that you get to know me.
everyone this reminds me of is going to get tagged... bc finding this was like reaching into myself and shoving that piece of me into the computer. take it as a compliment if i tag you
@mydarlingclaudia
@dollivication
@xdeadxxeyes
@candlekiss
@chesue00
@hiya-itsamber
@vaaaaaiolet
@idyllcy
@eyesofsix
@vampiricgf
@missoranjespersonal
@ekurie987
@jillsandwhichs
@ghosty-writes-23
@rigorwhoring
@uhlillie
@faintfill
@clandestinedmeetings
@praisethegabs
@rookieclaire
@puppedup
@inkonparchment
@nilpill
@ivmp
@lottiies
@loen-kennededy
most of you guys on this list are the only reason i actually put effort to write. you've all been such inspirations to me and honestly im so so grateful for that.
i realize im saying this about people who write fanfiction but its the little things? i love all of you sm. seriously. please never stop being the people you are and never let people bring you down because honestly? i mean what i say
and i love you <3
AERI UR BACKKKKK
im so eepy 😭😭 JUST GOT BEATEN UP 🔥🔥 THE GRIND NEVER SLEEPS AND NEITHER DO I (and neither does the belt...)
this grainy little leon falls out of my pocket . He eepy
the overwhelming feeling of sadness sometimes when someone treats me with kindness
lowkey its the people who put barely any effort into anything, fail all their fucking classes and fucking do all this shit just to bear the success bc their parents are nice
but when i actually work for it im told no.
i swear if i could kill myself?
actually stopped giving shits moments ago so... no im just done with my whole group atp cant wait to abandon them for new people at work!!
lowkey its the people who put barely any effort into anything, fail all their fucking classes and fucking do all this shit just to bear the success bc their parents are nice
but when i actually work for it im told no.
i swear if i could kill myself?