Jupewter - Tumblr Posts

"Okiura" (沖浦)

沖 - The open sea. 浦 - The seashore.

Do you think Pewter, freed from jail, would go to the beachside and talk to the waves?

Would he count their breakings as Renju's answers to his questions? Would he see the calm sea as his steadiness, the nerve it takes to remain alive and prosper while witness to the horrors of the world? Would he see the raging sea as his unwavering motivation to protect the lives and legacies of those he was loyal to?

Would Pewter step into the water, covering only the feet, and feel the temperature of a summer's whole day of sun as Renju's warmth when he would feel his touch? Would he wish to step in just a little deeper, to try and recover the feeling of the embrace he fears to forget?

Would he, little by little, get more of his clothes wet each visit? Sink too far into his own mind, using every other sense to invoke Renju's presence as his vision refuses to let him catch another glimpse of his beloved?

Would he get scared? Fear the prison of his brain, feel the handcuffs around his wrists once more as he is chained to a past he cannot forget?

Would he try to escape?

Would Pewter once more indulge himself in the nightlife of the bars, buying drinks and hopping tables, looking for a man who could caress him? Would he judge his suitors too harshly, feel unable to find anyone qualified to spend even a mere single night by his side?

Would he eventually give up on standards and choose anyone who was somewhat acceptable?

Would he take them to a bedroom and lock lips, exchage words of teasing, and start the process of undressing? Would he think this is the step he needs to move on? Would he be afraid of it? Would Pewter, in the very moment their hand touches his bare skin, feel the greatest discomfort he has ever sensed?

Would he run away?

Would he find himself returning to the beach, not knowing how he got there or how long of a drive it was? Would he run towards the sea, not caring about temperature, sand nor clothing, and try to wash off the feeling of this stranger's fingers from him? Would he be begging Renju to take it away, to make him his again?

Would the sea maybe be violent that night?

Would Pewter, in his desperation, not notice how deep he treaded?

Would a wave, high and mighty, engulf him entirely before he could even notice its approach?

Would it be so sudden he wouldn't know how to swim back up? Would he swallow water, have it invade his nose, have his eyes burn from the salt? Would he fight it, try to writhe against the waves and cling to the small part of him that has always wanted to live?

… Would he, at some point, give up?

"Amanoma" (天乃間)

天 - The heavens. 乃 - Belonging. 間 - An interval.

Would he count their breakings as Renju's answers to his questions? And so, would he take this as Renju trying to get him back to his side?

Would Pewter take it, and accept that he belongs not on earth, but the heavens if that is Renju's will? Would he gladly drown in Renju, smile at this moment in which he finally got embraced like he craved for ages?

Would he think it took too goddamn long for this to happen? Would he think this gap in time was useless, just wasted time trying to keep living a life that was not worth it? Would he thank the seas as his consciousness fades?

… And when he wakes up, coughing water from his lungs and lying down on the sand, safe and alive,

Would he thank whoever saved him, or would he think it was damnation?