Kara Core - Tumblr Posts
my bf didn't go to the fb game last night bc he was "tired after his game the night before" and i js found out that he was at his friends house who's sister js so happens to be his ex so like why couldn't he js tell me, what was he doing that i couldn't know abt i don't get it
omg.
let me explain why i dislike the rather common idea among the fandom and casual viewers that "natalie's the most righteous yj". the show likes to repeat time and time again that she's "such a good person", but it's been planting seeds that are very alarming!
so. it's all about the father of the house, and the leader of the team.
let's start at the start. due to her father, nat clearly felt a mix of terror and rage towards authority figures. she perceived them as automatically malicious and a threat, to herself and to others.
we saw glimpses of it in her relationship with team captain and prom queen jackie taylor. nat was very reserved when jackie complimented her in the pilot. she was quick to almost throw hands with her when jackie slut-shamed her (which adds up).
she, immediately and incorrectly, assumed jackie had told travis about bobby farleigh in a malicious way.
and in 1x10's script, nat's reaction to jackie being outside on her own was just to throw her a hateful look, very resentful after doomcoming's events, unaware of the deep pain affecting jackie's actions. nat wasn't in the cabin during The Fight. letting jackie sleep outside, for her, would have had nothing to do with jackie's terrible choice to call them all depraved while they already felt guilty and confused. it would have had everything to do with "you slept with my boyfriend AND i'm not sure he wanted it". (that deleted scene shocked many fans btw, which kinda shows how misunderstood nat's character tends to be! she's no angel!)
so, she did NOT give jackie the benefit of the doubt, despite appearing to be a rather fair person. however, jackie and nat's relationship wasn't developed that much: they stayed out of each other's ways, and jackie died early.
nat's deeply-rooted issues related to authority and power only started to truly shine with the next queen bee: believer and prophet lottie matthews.
nat and lottie didn't interact much before doomcoming. they weren't particularly close, but there was a certain friendliness to them. nat even complimented lottie on not badmouthing anyone. though honestly, it makes me wonder just how much she knew her, because lottie sure wasn't above calling travis the F word (flex).
then, after seeing lottie lead the hunt for dear-travis during doomcoming, nat had good reasons to be wary of her. but "[that's enough with your weird fucking bullshit lottie,] haven't you done enough?" is a very intriguing line to me! what was she even talking about? what had lottie done, at this point of the show?
sure, laughing your ass off after almost killing a man, scaring everyone with the threat of a bloodthirsty entity while "possessed" and claiming there's "something inside them" was strange as fuck. but nat was aware lottie was stoned (doomcoming) or having a "breakdown" (blood hive). she was aware of lottie's lack of control, yet seemed to consider her responsible of her actions (and the impact of those actions) anyway.
nat acted like lottie *meant* to hurt them, which was deeply, deeply unfair.
during most of season 2, she mocked and rejected lottie, her "gift of prophecy", her weird ass blood tea, her meditation circles, and most of all, her so-called wilderness. "god/the wilderness" is the most powerful (and therefore possibly dangerous) entity one can imagine: nat most definitely wasn't going to submit easily to such a concept.
the more she became aware of lottie's influence, the more she twisted everything lottie did. lottie's voice, most of all, was the most threatening weapon. even when that voice comforted an anxious brother or a grieving best friend, even when it offered help or hope, even when it spoke the truth about javi's suvrival. lottie had to shut the fuck up: nat didn't hesitate telling her to. (and she might have gotten her wish, considering lottie eventually became nonverbal!)
it also all tied to nat's "trauma-induced pessimistic outlook": lottie offered hope, and in nat's mind, hope was complete bullshit.
and imo, lottie probably seemed particularly dangerous and manipulative in nat's mind due to how gentle she seemed. it wasn't the kind of dangerous control that nat had experienced before: she "knew how to identify the danger", but she didn't know how to protect herself and others from it.
but something that's truly striking to me is that nat absolutely couldn't accept that the other members of the team had willingly and freely "chosen to follow lottie". while the rest of them were "controlled", desperate and naive, she knew better. she stayed herself and could perceive that lottie was exploiting the vulnerable. and "the vulnerable" was everyone, except for herself and ben.
she made that mistake of underrestimating other people's capacities to be "as aware and as capable as herself" in both timelines.
an important detail showing how radical (rooted in trauma) nat's rejection of the wilderness/lottie is this: she's the ONLY team member who refused to pray to save shauna and her baby during childbirth.
and natalie was a protector. she pointed a gun at her father (partly?) so he'd stop beating her mom. she became a hunter, despite (partly due to?) her gun-related trauma, partly to feed them all. she faked javi's death to ease travis' pain. as an abuse survivor, she was very attuned to the needs of others, even to the point of anticipating them, and wanted to be and to offer what she thought they needed.
but during the childbirth, terrifyingly powerless, surrounded by a group of desperate believers, she refused to pray.
did it matter whether the wilderness was real in such a situation? for everyone else, it didn't. they were willing to do anything to feel like they were helping: even taissa, still quite skeptical at this point, put the protection bone in shauna's hand. but nat never joined them. her respect for herself, her belief system, her pride, her rejection of lottie and/or the divine, stood in the way.
SO it went much deeper than just "lottie hurt travis and started a weird ass hope cult, i love travis and i'm a realistic person, so i'll reject the cult".
and here's another element to her bitterness/terror that ben stated explictly: envy. natalie was loudly skeptical and quietly envious: admitting her envy would have been admitting she felt below lottie. of course, that same envy probably played a role in how she treated jackie.
she was envious of lottie's capacity to help a panicked travis. she was envious lottie was listened to and praised, while her own efforts as a hunter were, shamefully, fruitless. it's about ego, about capability and validation.
it's about not being, and not being seen as, the useless, stupid child her father accused her to be.
lottie didn't just push her "authority = danger" buttons, she also pushed her "authority = i'm below them and stupid and useless and unloved" buttons. as if being smart, being useful, being valued was all just... a contest.
because what nat wanted as a teenager, most of all, was to be loved and safe. that's what all the yjs were looking for, deep down.
after all, being an elite athlete asks for a lot of discipline. natalie, traumatized and addicted and rebelious, dedicated herself to such a demanding sport for years. she cared, but why? maybe it was for a scholarship, but i don't think she cared much about the future. or maybe it was just for purpose, for praise, for belonging. to be somebody.
eventually, she started """believing""" in the wilderness (or rather using it as an excuse) after she let javi die. undeniably, couldn't be blamed for this particular tragedy, this time around: she had done it. her actions directly leading to someone's death (again) was just too much to bear. javi weeping over javi's body was too much like watching her mother with her father's body.
in 2x09, natalie accepting the wilderness seemed to have nothing to do with real faith.
(or maybe she'd had her doubts already, and it was simply easier for her to "somewhat accept the wilderness" now that lottie had been beaten half to death, now that she was no leader and harmless.)
(i'm pretty sure the meta behind "you were always its favorite" is that she's many casual viewers' and fans' favorite character)
=> and eventually, natalie, good natalie with her strong morality and practical thinking, good natalie who hates authority figures and their abuse of the vulnerable, became the biggest authority of them all. the leader. the chosen one.
she's god's favorite daugther.
and when she's crowned, of course it makes her smile to finally truly be seen, valued, loved and protected. of course she accepts to be queen, to be "chosen" by a god she didn't believe in just a day ago. she smiles and cries as the same people she considered "controlled" and "changed" just a day ago pledge allegiance to her, in the name of god.
but listen. wanting to believe you're decent, loved and valuable is not the problem.
the problem is that the show's already showed us what happens when people, or natalie herself, believe that she's somehow better. that she knows better.
so far, the ego-induced and highly dangerous hunting contest remains the most obvious example of this. she almost directly quotes her dad a few times, it's very uncomfortable to watch once you've noticed it. when lottie almost dies due to a contest idea that she threw, she apologizes, but the deed is done. it's a miracle lottie didn't lose a few extremities.
there were other examples. she consolided ben's belief that the other girls were monsters, or controlled. that she was the "last good, sane" member of the same. as an indirect result, ben tried to murder them all when she accepted to be crowned by them. it's that particular choice from her which pushes ben to do it, *not* the fact that she let javi die. sure, nat didn't force ben to put her on a pedestal. she did encourage it, though.
but with misty... it's different. misty was clearly her right hand. she was so devoted to nat that she was willing to kill a complete stranger for her.
like, what the fuck does she mean by "we can't just hospitalize her and call it a day?" what do you mean? what do you want to a probably schizophrenic (and prophetic) woman having a breakdown and trying to HELP your unhinged asses? even if the means to do so are uuh questionable?
the point is: there should never be a contest about who's, at their core, the most righteous, the most valuable, the most logical, the most intelligent. this was survival, not a competition. anybody, including nat, treating it like a competition was a danger to the group. they knew that, they tried to stay together: but it seemed like nat couldn't help herself sometimes. and we all know the writers are very careful, they don't just plant seeds they won't explore.
as an adult:
=> so i think natalie's queen era is going to show her acting more and more like her father. the show's been planting seeds all along for future abuses of authority from her as a teen.
and i think natalie will eventually grow to be keenly aware of it, and that's a part of why she hated herself so strongly. nat tried to shoot her father in the head as a pre-teen, then she tried to shoot herself in the head as an adult. seeing your abuser in other people is one thing, seeing them within yourself is another.
the reason why i'm SO sure that's what the writers are going for is actually nat's dying scene. what was adult natalie doing, right before lisa stopped her?
she was barging on lottie with a knife, menacing to stab her. lottie, a confused woman who was literally just speaking while kneeling on the ground, genuinely trying to help them. nat was attacking a harmless woman, even if she didn't perceive her as harmless.
let's not forget lisa perceived lottie as a guiding figure akin to a mother. young and terrified, she had to threaten nat to stop her from hurting lottie, using a familiar gun.
it's almost exactly the same scene as pre-teen natalie stopping her father from beating her mom. except this time around, she wasn't the victim. she was the abuser.
what truly shows that natalie never truly became her father, what testifies of her strength and gentleness, is that she tried to "break the circle". she quickly dropped the knife and tried to talk it out. she never ignored, taunted and mocked a child in the face of absolute horror. and moreover, she died to protect lisa, whom she barely knew (mostly due to her guilt linked to javi, according to the flashbacks, but still).
that attempt at breaking the circle would have worked, most probably, if misty hadn't jumped in. if misty hadn't been willing to murder any stranger to protect her.
=> TL;DR: what i'm trying to say is that natalie isn't somehow better than the others. her actions weren't always righteous, for the good of the group, or for herself.
in a sense, it's the cult of personality surrounding natalie which killed natalie. but it's natalie herself, by threatening lottie with a knife, who made the circle continue, almost completely identical.
the main difference is that lisa didn't try to shoot nat. thanks to her final actions of dropping the knife, nat spared lisa of that particular trauma of attempting to murder someone you care for. the circle isn't broken, but she put a dent into it.
and i'm not even going to dive into her self-punishement, into what addicts do to those who love them. how they lie, abuse, manipulate, enable other addicts. the show does address that: for instance, her emotional manipulation as she tried to selfishly push taissa into breaking her out of jail and blackmailing a former addict. but that's a very different theme.
natalie wasn't "the best pick to be the leader", because none of them would have been. she wasn't "the most moral one" just because she was so obviously tortured by guilt, so obviously self-hating: all the other survivors are ashamed, guilty, imprisoned.
don't get me wrong, i love nat! she's a softie, she's not a cruel person, she's doing her best. but all of them are! but she's not the hero of this story, there's no hero nor villain, and that's what makes yj's characters so good!
i have a mikey collection and i have 2 mayhem action figures
my mom wouldn't buy it 😞😞
Ahhh. Funny story, my uncle bought me a TMNT shirt today lol. I need to watch mayhem soon. The art looks so cute
did courtney write this bc i can't find it anywhere 😭😭
If you were a gum you’d be like juicy fruit
i don't think i've ever actually had juicy fruit gum i js get "extra" gum
you'd be the sour patch kids gum 😈
my best friend is getting homeschooled starting tmr im gonna cry bro she can't leave me there
YES I AM MTN DEW 😈😈😈😈
I DRANK 3 BOTTLES OF IT TODAY AND RAN 4 MILES
if you were a soda you'd be orange fanta
I <3 orange Fanta (more so orange crush but I love orange)
You’d be… Mountain Dew
by the grace of God and energy drinks 🙏
if you were a soda you'd be orange fanta
I <3 orange Fanta (more so orange crush but I love orange)
You’d be… Mountain Dew
karakarakarakarakarakarakarakarakarakarakara !!!!!!! i love u loads hows my favourite american
issyissyissyissyissyissyissyissyissy i love you sooooo much !!! i'm great how are youuu
lucky fr
karakarakarakarakarakarakarakarakarakarakara !!!!!!! i love u loads hows my favourite american
issyissyissyissyissyissyissyissyissy i love you sooooo much !!! i'm great how are youuu
WONT YOU KISS ME ON THE MOUTH WND LOVE ME LIKE A SAILOR??
AND WHEN YOU GER A TASTE CAN YOU TELL ME WHATS MY FLAVIR?
I DONT BELIEVE IN GOD BUT I BELIEVE THAY YOUR MY SAVIOR
MY MOM SAYS THAT SHES WORRIED BUT IM COVERED IN THIS FAVOR
AND WHEN WERE GETTING DIRTY I FORGET ALL THAT IS WRONG
I SLEEP SO I CAN SEE YOU CAUSE I HATE TO WAIT SO LONG.
literally every single ship in the show is sososo toxic. idc who it is! chances are if their from yj their extremely toxic and unhealthy! lottienat- toxic! jackieshauna- toxic! hell i could even say adult tai and van are toxic but i'm tired of ppl hating on certain ships for being toxic as if their ship isn't the same way💀
me and john are being miles morales and gwen stacy for halloween 😊😊😊
i js saw this but thanks for the tag 😊😊
ok the post was getting way too long so i'm. just gonna start anew.
thank u so much @crazymadredfox for tagging me!! this is such a cute idea!! i stole ur meowth plush btw!! >:3
tagging; @roseofcards90 @sai-my-beloved @asagiri-fushimi-natsu @laveindrz @beddhead-red @megacarapa @bernkastel-ao3 @boy-yuri @icarianiscariot @trashcan-train and literally anyone who wants!!!