Ksj:angst - Tumblr Posts
“Just because you stopped caring, doesn’t mean I did.”
Even though it’s a hidden gem of mine, exes to lovers is one of my favorite tropes. Spy novels are also high on my list and have always been my favorite to read. Mainly because of the Gallagher Girl series that I grew up reading when I was younger. Truth be told, I once wanted to be a spy before I realized what all it entailed before I remorsefully threw that thought down the drain, which had now led me on the path that I’m studying currently. So, when you have two of my favorite themes put together into one and add Seokjin on top, it was an obvious choice for me to carve out a few extra minutes of my day to sit down and read this.
Though this is only the beginning, this first part felt like it grabbed me by the shoulders, pointed me in the direction of the main characters, and told me to “just watch”. Everything from the syntax, imagery, diction, and dialogue was captivating, and it felt nice to submerge myself into their world of secrecy, action, and an underlying romance that is slowly brewing in the background between the main character and Seokjin again. Even though the main character may want to push down those lingering feelings of what once was and what it could be, it’s truly interesting to see her react to the desire that’s slowly itching beneath her skin. As the saying goes, anger is a shield for sadness, so to see her snap at the pressure of heading this assignment with her ex-lover will be interesting to see this sort of push and pull between her mind and her heart. Especially with this in mind:
You falter, stuttering and blinking back tears of surprise, trying to explain that there’s been a misunderstanding, that the last thing you want is to be associated with this man, a man who knows too much about the real you. A man who holds the keys to your heart, the man who was and forever will be your undoing.
It’s kind of nice to see how Seokjin and the main character still lean on each other for support. They’re a team whether they like it or not, so for this mission to be carried out more smoothly, a little bit of trust is needed. However, this is more so for the main character. It's like muscle memory the way she remembers to fall but also keeps herself tight tether from descending too deeply to fast again.
Your mind was heading into murky waters, and while you were treading to stay afloat for now, you knew something was lurking underneath the surface, waiting to drag you under.
It's being able to perform a dance that you haven’t practiced in a while, or how in a sport that you might not have played in a while, you know what certain movements should feel like-what should feel good. Every flexion and extension of your body should come back to you in harmony one way or another because you’ve been through it and have practiced more times than you can count. And even though muscle memory isn’t exactly a real or true thing, you can never forget the feelings that you once had because of it. And so, much like a muscle within the body, her heart still remembers the fullness of once was there, even as the sting of him being gone still lingers.
At best, you’d end up losing the part of you that you’d worked to guard from his wiley smiles and playful winks. At worst, he’d end up getting the both of you killed.
The feeling of how Seokjin tugged at her heartstrings is still softly lingering, silently in the depths of her heart, even if she may not want to. Because it's easier to forget than to lie in lost pain. There’s a tender heart behind iron cages, and I'm not sure what was done to leave her feeling so hurt, so but I mourn for what was lost.
Thank you so much, Isi, for this stunning part. I can’t wait to see what happens next for the two of them. I'm also quite curious about Jungkook and if/how some of his actions may inspire certain events due to his ever-so-passionate nature. Sending lots of love!💕
Burn After Reading (KSJ x F!Reader) - I. Head Start in Havana
Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Female Reader
Genres: drabble series, sfw (for now), action, heavy angst, exes-to-lovers, spy!AU
Themes: slow burn, mutual pining, mentions of past relationship, tense situations, will be updated as story moves along
Word count: 1.9k
Summary: The agency made the biggest mistake they ever could by trusting Kim Seokjin one more time. You weren’t going to do the same.
A/N: Hello, welcome to a new AU!! I’m very in love with the idea of angsty spy ex-lovers, and I wanted to explore this trope with Seokjin because it’s not a storyline I see often with him. Fair warning, this is heavily unedited, but I wanted to share it so bad!! As of now, this is the only chapter I have finished, the rest are still in planning stages, so please enjoy! Not sure I can promise any kind of consistent updates, but if you’re interested, please give this a read.
Banner was made by me (graphic design is my passion)!
No one talks about how it rains in Havana. The drops lash down as heat rises up from the pavement, creating a sticky, unpleasant feeling in your spine.
Rivulets of sweat roll down your back as you leave the air-conditioned shelter of José Martí International airport and step out into the monsoon.
Something’s not right. Agent Jeon should’ve been here by now. As a rookie sleeper in Havana, you recall his excitement, like a kid in a candy store, when he spoke to you over the phone about the possibility of finally getting his first big break in this field.
You were jealous. Jealous of his youth, how he was a blooming bud, filled with promise and hope for this career. You wanted to tell him that things weren’t that alluring, that it wasn’t that simple. That he signed up for a lifetime of navigating a labyrinth with no exit sign in sight. But like any good agent, you held your tongue.
Shivering as the droplets of sweat turn to ice, you fumble with your pockets, looking for your burner phone. Fuck, where was it?
Your hands close around a heavy weight and you nearly sob with relief as your screen lights up.
You have (1) new message from Seagull.
Seagull: Sorry. Unforeseen circumstances. On my way out. Good luck. Burn after reading.
Shit. I’m alone.
Keep reading
《"Only you"》
To be completely honest, I've been holding onto my notes for the rest of the chapters of Effleurer for the absolute longest, so being able to sit down for a few moments and actually construct my thoughts to something more than just !!@&@&@* is really comforting and cathartic. The characters and the story that you have outlined are so good. Absolutely wonderful, and technically this is my third time going through the story up to chapter 15 (chapter 16 I'm holding back on for a personal treat). I feel like this story is more than just sex, in my opinion. It's about trust and power and learning how to balance those two both in different circumstances. It's about knowing that "dominance" and having power or control over someone is because it was given to them, and technically, anyone can be powerful no matter the circumstance (And love how you made the distinction between power and dominance: "But you thinking about my tongue and my fingers when you touch yourself? That's power. You not wearing panties because I want you to bare your ass to me whenever I see fit? That's domination."). And more so, this helped me learn to be a badass in heels.
I feel like two relationship dynamics are shown between Seokjin and the main character: there's the one that's immediate and centers around sex and the one that's waiting in the background like a fog, focused on their own interpersonal relationship. Their own propinquity (wink wink) continues to build and build the more they spend time with each other. I knew that it was there because there's this tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach, something like a mix between caution and butterflies, but it's a rather nice feeling. But from chapter two, you can see how they sort of dance around each other. They know what they want, but they don't know the extent of where the line should be drawn because they've just now established a new dynamic in their relationship that once started as more professional. I loved how you showed that, and detailed how they should approach one another, all the while, that first instance of sexual tension hovered in the background.
It was one thing to have random strangers checking out your body; that was exhilarating. But Seokjin was someone you had to see on a business level quite a few days a week. And the way his smile seemed to grow while he took you in, if only for a moment, it left you feeling a little vulnerable.
(Also, this part:
“Did I give you permission to put your hands on me, angel,”
MSKSKAKAA ANGEL?!?!?!?
And I knew that the chime would go off but man was I punching the air when it did.)
But from there, you start to see them relax a bit more. Become more talkative with their playful and flirtatious banter, but ground rules are also established, bringing them back to earth. I love the fact that the main character emphasizes wanting to work together in this new relationship, and I love how Seokjin gives her a way out just in case any second thoughts are being made. He takes a lot of care with her and their relationship both at the office and inside his home, and to me, that's really admirable. And I think from here, this is where the line between just sex and emotions that have the possibility of becoming more of their emotions begin to blur and dwindle a little. They become more open in talking to each other about their background and personal lives, we get to hear Seokjin speak about his previous relationship, the “dream” (which I knew from the beginning wasn’t a dream!! So I was really happy when I was right), but more so, we get to see this new level of trust being built between the two. Also, we get to read more information on what BDSM actually entails and the mentioning of safewords (whenever big, glaring things like safewords come into play, I usually tend to be a bit more observant because sometimes they are used. I'm not really sure how so for this story because there's a lot of trust and communication between these two, and the only instance I remember it being said was a reminder. But that entire notion or concept is called Chekhov's gun (thank you, my old English teacher).
I’d like to sidetrack for a moment and mention how mature Seokjin is in this. He and the main character both are obviously for their ages, but he brings in a new breath to things. Makes trivial things feel not so big, so I really appreciate him and the character you made him out to be. He feels safe, which made me like this part at the end of chapter 5:
Seokjin : Thank you
Seokjin : For trusting me to take care of you
Seokjin : I promise I will
I’m going to take another slight detour and mention how well created all of the side characters are in this story. From Namjoon, to the main character’s mom and Seungjun, to Jieun (She's really funny and a great friend and i love her, okay), Sehun, Yoongi, Sooyoung...each and every one of them has a purpose. They don’t feel like they’re there to fill in some gap, but they actually bring something worthwhile to not only the characters and the story itself but to the readers. Some of the conversations that were held actually made me stop and reflect more about my own life and relationships, and I thank you for that, Kay. Thank you for making this story feel whole and comforting in a way even though I know that there’s a lot of sex or conversations about happening throughout this.
Okay, going back, I love chapter 7 because this is a chapter where some important conversations are had and the beginning of another arc I'd like to think. We have the one with Jimin where he’s questioning and making sure that the main character isn’t be used or anything, but we also have one between Seokjin and the main character that revolves around their trust and making sure that nothing was being questioned, which I think was well done. But, where things are at a high, the lows can be astronomical, and the scene where they get caught by Yoongi and Sooyoung (who aren’t any better necessarily in this situation) made my heart free fall to my stomach (in the words of past Kharli’s notes, it was “fucked squared...figuratively and literally”). It was something that I had expected, but I just wasn’t expecting it then. I’m glad that it happened though because Yoongi said that he loved Sooyoung and my heart went soft.
As we go more in-depth into Seokjin and the main character’s lives, I could feel a tone shift. It felt a little darker because things are coming to be more intense. Passage markers of the book can be found in certain chapters for one. The sexual encounters that they’re having are becoming heavier (cough cough chapter 12 cough), yet all the more loving at the end of things. Still, also, we go more into depth about the company and the foreshadowing in terms of the company, Yoongi and his family, and upcoming decisions that will probably ultimately put some characters in an uncomfortable situation. We also see Sehun, which was actually another favorite of mine because of how well-written it was, and because you made me hate him in 0.0145578 seconds (but also Hoseok was there too, so it was better and he's so sweet), and also get a chance to look more into the relationship dynamics between the main character and her parents which I could empathize with a bit in terms of having a detached relationship with one of them, so that part made me feel less alone and comforted a bit.
I feel like I’ve been talking so much, and I have, so I’m going to wrap this up. But overall, I love this story and the characters so much. I love that you included the talk with Jieun talking about Jungkook’s butt because that made me laugh and her talk about gut instincts because they’re real. I love the neighbor Mrs. Cheong and how she’s so protective over the main character. I love chapter 13 because we see more into what Seokjin does outside of work and the fact that people called the main character “Mrs. Kim” which AHDSDKSJSJJOJ!!!! And he held her hand throughout the meeting. I, once again, love Namjoon in this because he’s so cheesy but romantic and I love him. I love Yura's introduction and I'm so curious and interested to learn more about her and her relationship with Seokjin as the story continues. I also love how you touched on menstruation and the fact that you don’t shy away from it (not that you should in general be shy about periods), but I don't really see a lot of stories with that, and it made the characters feel more real and tangible and just...thank you. So much, Kay. I wish that there was a better way to let you know how much I appreciate this story, but more so, you.
I also have a theory that I’m just going to copy straight from my notes because it made me laugh ("Okay I have a theory:
The mc might be close to accepting the job in Taipei and so that's when Seokjin rails her and let's her suck his dick")
Idk if it’s going to be true, but I can’t wait to read how this all plays out, and it makes me wonder who’s going to fall first. I forgot to mention that I love all of your music choices for each chapter, especially the first one because it was set up so well with that song. Thank you so so so so sooooo much, Kay, for your beautiful words. I’m sending you so much love across the cyberspace.
éffleurer | 15
There were always whispers in your office about what secrets Seokjin hid behind his clean image. Now, you knew at least one of them.
Chapters: 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
Pairing: Seokjin x Female Reader
Genre: CFO!Jin AU; Smut
Word Count: 7,300+
Warnings: Profanity; Corporate office culture; Mature themes; Sexual content; Dom/sub relationship; Anal fingering, Orgasm denial, Light bdsm
The next morning you were in Seokjin’s office before his ass had barely grazed the leather of his high-backed office chair.
“CEO Min said you approved me starting a new project for the Taipei location,” you hurled at him, bending forward and placing your hands atop his desk. “You and I never talked about this or how it would affect my current workload.”
Seokjin had first looked up at your approach into his office with nothing more than curiosity. Understanding now dawned in the chestnut of his eyes. He lifted the clear, plastic cup in his hand, chunks of ice bobbing inside his Americano.
“Y/N, can I at least finish my coffee before you put your entire foot down my throat?”
Read on AO3
《"Naija, you better keep a close eye on those two. Especially that one,” he said, jerking his chin at you. “She hates following instructions.”》
Finally being able to take the time and write a review for this chapter was heaven-sent. I remember reading this fairly close to after you posted it, and about two months later, I'm sitting here, going back and forth from looking at my screen and the notes on my phone, wondering why the absolute hell I didn't do this earlier? And I know that this part was sort of a chapter that wasn't supposed to be a chapter, but I'm also realizing that every time I do look at my notes, the scenes and images you created here were just so salient, and I'm happy that you decided to write this.
I'm also glad that within the first few paragraphs of this chapter I was able to embed the images of Seokjin and Namjoon in my mind.
Seokjin, dressed casually in his t-shirt that exposes his beautiful shoulders paired with baseball, and Namjoon, oh Namjoon, with his giant, girthy, beautifully sculpted di- I mean thighs. Totally meant thighs for sure. But I have to be honest, even though I've read this part before, it still didn't stop me from sitting up in my bed in surprise and nearly choking because “thighs” was most certainly not the first thing that came into my mind after all of that.
Anyways.
Over the last few chapters, we’ve been able to see Seokjin in new lights. From manager to nearly certified sex god. From someone who is extremely funny and cheeky to more serious and sympathetic when it comes to more interpersonal relations, and now we see an extension of that. Of how Seokjin isn’t just this powerful figure, but how he is so willing to be so altruistic and compassionate even when he doesn’t necessarily have to and the story with Ara and her nieces, Hyeri and Hyorin. That scene was really touching to read. Every character and their background you introduce is full and fulfilling to the storyline, even if they might be there for a chapter or so. Through them, we get to see more of what Seokjin is like behind the scenes. How generous and caring he is to those who are around him. At times it doesn't feel like Seokjin is their manager, but an honest and true friend and my heart couldn’t become any more full. And like Ara said, “Being genuinely friendly goes a longer way than you think” and I genuinely appreciate seeing Seokjin being shown so multidimensionally so incredibly well. (P.S. - I loved the “Uncle Jin” bit later on. I laughed and blushed with Ara at that, but the girls are so cute, and Seokjin is amazing with kids. I was awing.)
I feel like it’s a bit strange to go from being sentimental to sensual, but the point when we see Seokjin in the kitchen when he’s all hot and sweaty made me shake. I don’t blame the reader for just standing there and staring because I honestly would’ve done the same. I don’t blame the reader for continuing to compliment him and call him “beautiful” and “gorgeous” to make him blush, and also don’t blame the reader for taking the time to be curious about the scar on his back, because I too was wondering how that came to be. I’m wondering if maybe it came from his past relationship, but I really hope not.
Sidenote: As I’m looking back at the story to keep up with my thoughts, I keep laughing at myself because of all of the back and forth that my mind is doing right now. Like, the fact that Namjoon has a phoenix tattoo….UUGHGGHGHGHGHDGHKNSKNKF. I just wanna jump inside of the story and be like “Can I touch it?” just so I can feel his bicep. Okay, I think that’s it- wait. NOPE. Because I just remembered that you put “threesome” in your tags and- I don’t think that I can deal with this right now. Please Kay!!! My heart was already hurting for Namjoon he admitted wanting to date the mc but that’s most likely not possible because of what’s going on with her and Seokjin, but atleast there might be something later on.
I’m just so ready to keep reading his series. Seokjin was so cute when he was spewing Shakespear at the shaved ice spot the scenes, and he was like “I have to be prepared for you.” A literal dreamboat. I got butterflies. I'm also curious as to what outfit is exactly in the bag that he handed her👀
You can’t see me right now but I’m smiling and giggling at my computer, and I can’t thank you enough for being truly amazing in every way, Kay. You’re so talented. I would give you my love, but you already have it, so I’ll keep writing to you for as long as possible just so that you are reminded of your beauty💕
éffleurer | 16
There were always whispers in your office about what secrets Seokjin hid behind his clean image. Now, you knew at least one of them.
Pairing: Seokjin x Female Reader
Genre: CFO!Jin AU; Smut
Word Count: 8,300+
Warnings: Profanity; Sexual objectification; Sexual content; Idk some flirting, this chapter is a whole mess
If you enjoy my writing, please consider buying me a ko-fi
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You hardly saw Seokjin on Friday, save for once just before lunch when he ducked into his office. He hurried out and back down the hall again, barely a glance spared in your direction.
It was fine. You and your willpower were fine. And you definitely weren’t angry. You merely wished you’d had some kind of warning for the times he planned to leave your needs unmet, that was all.
Just after lunch, while you were getting your things together to head to Namjoon’s office, you received a text.
Seokjin: You’re even beautiful when you’re sulking.
Y/N: I’m blocking you.
Read on AO3
《“If it’s quiet you desire, that can only be bought by the meeting of your tongue and mine.”
...
“And if I don’t desire your quiet?” Your words came out ragged, edged with a desperate ache.
“Then I will never stop telling you how much I love you, never stop showing you. You will never want for anything more than me, and if you do, I’ll know I have not done well enough.”》
Admittedly, I've read this story three times:
The first was when I was blessed with the opportunity to be asked to read this before you posted, and I completely and absolutely fell in love with it.
The second was a few days after you posted. I remember that it was a school night, and I had just finished taking my exams for the week, but I treated myself by rereading this gem, and I fell in love with the story for the second time. This was one of the sweetest gifts to me.
And finally, the third is now (well, technically, about a week ago by the time this is posted).
Each read gave a different emotion. A different response and visual image of the world slowly emphasized how dynamic and detailed this world is and the characters you created. Each read made me realize that I could honestly never get tired of this story, even if I had read it once or one hundred times. This is a story that I can genuinely and without a doubt call timeless.
Your writing is liquid gold, Kay. The world is so vibrant and alive, and the people are filled with so much beauty. So much magic that I loved living there with every chance that I had. Subtle things that I might’ve missed previously stood out, like how Seokjin was looking for the main character, he said he was looking for “the only person in the room that mattered” and how she was “easily the brightest spot in the room”. Reading these lines now just made my heart stop for a moment because of just how beautiful that line was. It also feels like I’m spewing poetic right now when I haven’t even really begun thinking back through everything, but your mind is truly remarkable, and I feel honored that I had the chance to read something so emotive like this story.
Okay, but to start this off, I do have to say poor Hoseok.
From the beginning, you could tell that there was a natural attraction between the main character and Seokjin rather than what could be felt toward Hoseok. Their thoughts made toward each other, for each other, were incredibly salient (and also so romantic and passionate and just so full of love). How they reacted to each other's presence, even though the feeling of being wrong veiled the point where the misunderstanding occurred, was intense yet soft. More so out of hurt than anything, and you wrote it so well. Especially this part:
Longing curled around your heart in suffocating tendrils, begging for another deadly dose.
UGH!!! It is one of the most beautiful and poignant lines I’ve ever read and one of the lines of the story that truly captures what this story is about and shows the seesaw of feelings that the main character experienced during the first half.
My favorite part though has to be, hands down, the entire sequence of the apology.
"For a princess of summer, your shoulder is rather cold from this side,"
The build-up to just getting the main character away from her family and out to the dance floor was astonishing. The back and forth shown between the mc, her dismissiveness, and Seokjin, his determination heightened by his own declaration, was one of the moments that truly made me clutch my phone a bit harder. Bring my face a bit closer to the screen to take it all in. It felt as though I were in a movie, both as an actor and an observer, watching them and listening to their conversation…
And then, the actual apology.
I wish I knew more words that could encapsulate all of the emotions and visions that flashed in my mind while reading that part, but it was so magical. From her siblings helping to the imagery of just all of the elements shown, to Seokjin’s singing...It was overwhelming in the best way. And then the fact that Seokjin calls the mc his “sunbeam” and literally gives her a sun drop?!!?!?!!?!?
Oh, Kay!! My heart.
The moments that struck me the most though were when the main character was explaining the concept of love in terms of Fey. How inconsistent and untethering it is between two people. But, for her, whenever she looks and thinks about Seokjin, the only thing she wants is him. The way she spoke about her love and affections for him made my heart swell out of my chest (it is honestly still making me quite a bit emotional even as I reread the passages. Especially the moment where Seokjin admits to wanting to tie himself to her and get married--with the human custom of rings!!!!), and I could only hope that one day I find a love that is as strong and devoted as theirs.
Sidenote: The moment when Seokjin tells the mc his real name, Astóir, was so touching. This entire piece was heartwarming and emotive and passionate, and I feel myself wanting to tear up right now as I am finishing my thoughts tbh.
Kay, thank you so much for sharing your incredible writing. This has been a long time waiting, but I’m happy that I can share my thoughts with you. I’m just so in awe of this story and your writing in this. Fey and Wilde will forever be one of my favorites from you (but everything you write is honestly a fave of mine). I am also very thankful for all of the behind-the-scenes you let me in on for this story. I feel so honored. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I’ll always and forever be sending you my love, even if it has to come through the form of these (not so) little love letters💕
Fey and Wilde
Audacity takes on many forms in vampire High Lord Kim Seokjin. Daring to show his face at the summer court after insulting your honor was one. Finding his way back into your bed in spite of that was another entirely.
Pairing: Seokjin x Female Reader
Genre: Vampire!Seokjin; Fae!Reader; Fantasy; Established Relationship; Fluff; Angst but not really; Smut
Word Count: 16,000+
Warnings: Alcohol; Profanity; Explicit sexual content, Vampire biting, Blood drinking and smearing; Obscene, decadent, and purely indulgent romantic drivel; Purple prose
Related storie(s): Moonflower
Note: This story features a reader-character with brown skin and physical features similar to those of African descent
If you enjoy my writing, please consider buying me a ko-fi
“Join me for a dance then and I’ll explain everything,” he said. Your expression didn’t change.
“I’ll have to decline,“ you said. “I’m not in the habit of sharing dances with partners who gravely insult me with such indifference.”
Predictably stubborn to a fault and he would never expect any less. Instead, he had developed a taste for it, lapped up your incorrigible fey pride as he had every other part of you — the cold, and the soft, and the ever blazing.
“Only one dance,” he insisted. “And if I haven’t convinced you of my sincerity by the end, I’ll leave Southsong and never return. You have my word.” He felt the weight of his declaration lift into the air, the magic of the Feywild snapping it up with hungry satisfaction. It was a gamble to bet everything on a few moments, knowing that he truly would never be able to return if he didn’t convince you. But he was willing to take those kinds of chances if it meant he would win you back. He had to.
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