Mat Barzal Angst - Tumblr Posts
WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE
Mat Barzal
I love writing angst and I haven’t done it in so long
“You pick her every time” I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air from my frustrations, “it will never be me! Will it? It won’t!”
“Would you just listen?” He asks, reaching for my hand and I pull away again, “fucking listen to me!” He shouts, “it is you, but you act so jealous all the god damn time”
“Me? Jealous? Well of fucking corse!” I groan, pacing around the living room, “you’re surrounded by these women who are obviously better than me and Sarah” her name comes out as a whisper against my breath. Like a word that can’t be spoken. A name that shouldn’t be said.
“Sarah? This is all about Sarah?” He doesn’t treat her name with the same weight I do.
“Yes! You didn’t come home until morning because you were busy with her! Not me. Her! You text her good morning not me! On Roadies and shit I feel like is her you talk to not me” I cry out, thick hot tears fall down my face. He reaches for me and I pull away again.
“What the hell does that even mean?” He asks, “you think I should just date her? Instead of you?”
“The way you act right now Mat? Yeah I think you should” I choke out, I don’t wait for his response
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He asks, he doesn’t block my path but he tries to
“Im going to Nico’s” I respond dryly as I grab my overnight bag and stuff some clothes in quickly.
“You accuse me of cheating and then you go to Nico’s?” He retorts; scoffing a little
“Don’t start with this right now!” I shout out, “at least I haven’t been caught with him this fucking close to my face like we’re kissing!”
He sighs and I drop my ring by the key bowl, “I need to get out”
New Jersey isn’t much of a drive but I end up there in morning. “What’s wrong?” Nico asks as he lets me inside
“Mat. He I think he’s cheating on me and I asked him about it and he kept denying it and then he accused me of cheating on him with you” I hiccup out
“I told you he was an ass” Nico says as I flop onto his couch, “but I don’t know.. why would he go through the trouble of proposing then cheating on you?” He reasons
“I just…” I lay down, “why am I so insecure? Why does it always feel that he picks her?” I ask
“Because he does”
I sigh, and roll onto my back, “I want to keep loving him. I want to always love him. But each time I keep getting hurt”
“Maybe you’re not meant to be”
Another tear sheds, “don’t say that Nico”
“Ok” he sighs softly
I spend the weekend there and the door rings and I really don’t want to answer it, “mat” I whisper
“I’m sorry, don’t let this be the end of us. I fucked up and I’m sorry I cheated”
The words barely register in my brain, “so you did cheat”
“I did”
“Leave”
“Y/n”
“Wait-“
“Get the fuck out right now”
“She told you to leave mat”
“Stay out of this Hischier!”
“Get out of my house Barzal”