May Allah Ta'ala Protect You Always And Guide You On The Right Path. Ameen Thumma Ameen. - Tumblr Posts

any time i would do or say something he didnt like i was punished for it. say the wrong word? incoming lecture of how either shaitaan has a hold on me, how im a terrible human being who isnt good at all. i dont "listen" to him aka i dnt submit to him and his emotions, then im selfish and terrible. i stood up for myself? now the punishment is to be ghosted right before my period started and when i had an assignment due (that he knew about)

and whats crazy is that i know hes using this as a form of punishment because i had told him of my past and how much it had affected me. i told him that ome ofnmy ex partners ghosted me and how it sent me suicidal, i told him how another ex (the rapist) would stalk me and then vague post about me and call me a narcissist.

and its so disappointing to see that this is what hes subjecting me to. this whole thing is a complete abusive and personal attack. hes still trying to control me. at the end of our argument on my birthday, i said "sorry. i'll change i'll be a better person" but i still could not believe i was that person at all. so i went to my therapist, went to my friends, went to my mother, and they all disagreed with what he said. and he hated that. he hated that he now wasnt in control of how i see myself. he wanted to change me for his liking so he could marry me and fuck 12 kids outta me.

its so scary witnessing someone be so calculated in their abuse that it almost seems surreal. the way he speaks about my friends is crazy, because he doesnt even know them. he praises himself for being a good person yet speaks about them in such a negative way. who, with a good heart, would ever speak like that about someone? no matter how angry i get i never use someones self harm, suicidal urges, or past against them (unless its to call them out for doing the same to someone else) and its like. how sadistic are you?

i hope this man seeks psychiatric care. this is the problem with society that a woman stands up to her abuser and it subjects her to even more abuse and slander. its so isolating being a woman in a man's world.

but yeah. i hope he seeks psychiatric care. therapy too but he probably wont because clearly hes in denial about everything. hes so delusional its disorienting. hes so good at gaslighting and punishing that i find it insane. a shame to see such an intelligent person use their intelligence for selfish and inhumane behavior.

i pray Allah guides you M. i pray that u stop hurting and whatever abandonment wound it is that you shut yourself off from feeling (we spoke about this in the car when u said ur emotions get so intense u shut them off and u dont want to feel them) i hope u can feel that feeling and move past it. so u can stop abusing women. so u can finally have the life and future that u want. bc ur not gonna have it at this rate. youre almost 30, this isnt what a 30 year old who wants a family should spend his time doing. he should be going to therapy, admitting to how hes hurt people, no matter how guilty u may feel (if u even feel guilt), and move on. not spending ur time stalking my accounts and friends accounts, talking shit about us and me by vague posting. and then convincing urself that im a narcissist and tryna do a smear campaign.

im not. i wanted this thing between us to die and i wanted us to move on. i even posted about how i forgave you for what u did and i moved on. like an adult i moved on. but you didnt. u still wanted that control over me. u still wanted me to change who i was. but if i stayed with you and allowed you to change me, M, i would be dead. i would genuinely have been dead by the end of it. and we both know that.

i dont hate u. im not tryna do some smear campaign against u bc frankly i dont care to. i barely knew u for long enough, its not something i do. if ur upset that i post about my emotions on here, and u think thats a smear campaign, then like an adult u couldve reached out and spoken to me about it. i had Y reach out to me for that and i didnt speak on the emotions so intensely anymore. if its privacy u wwnt then u have to also be willing to give it. and clearly ur not giving privacy because u still stalk my account. u still care about what i and others think of you. (that post abt shitty men, how would u know if its about you? ive dated other men before, its possible it may not have even been about you. why are u applying yourself into my life where u dont even exist?)

you know how i think of you. i think youre an unfortunate soul who had to raise themselves in a world u felt hated u in a world where u were abandoned. i know that and i still believe the way u treated me was abusive. this isnt to slander u or give a smear campaign. i wouldve spoken about this with u in private but uve left me with no choice. i say this because u told me to tell u if u act that way.

u told me to tell u if ur acting abusive towards me. youd always tell me that u know that ur bad for me and my health. u always said that and u told me i had every right to leave if u were hurting me. i was planning to, i was planning on sitting u down, u and i, and telling u its not working out, that you act abusively towards me; and that i owe it not only to myself but to you to have space and become the people who we truly believe we are.

but youre not gonna achieve love being like this M. im genuinely a very tolerant person, im a very loving person. yes i make mistakes, im human, but it doesnt make me some monster like u always picked me out to be. i know u try ur best to care. i know u try ur best to be perfect to people but stop tryna be perfect and then u wont expect it out of your relationships. u wanted me to be perfect for you, and im not. and its not my responsibility to change fundamental aspects of my identity to cater to your emotions.

theres been so many countless times where u get angry at me even when im speaking to you just as gently as i am now. M, theres nothing more i can say or do to help u. i tried talking to u about your emotions, i tried abandoning myself as much as i could so the conversation could be about you, and i cant do that anymore. being with you was the most mentally unstable i had been in such a long long time. and u got that side of me, the mentally unstable, always crying, because of how you treated me. no, this isnt escaping accountability for my own emotions, thats not true. you even said it for yourself that ever since meeting u, it seems that ive been worse mentally and physically.

my body rejected u and u knew that. acne for the first time in a year, skipped periods, body aches id feel when i was dating my rapist. you know you were bad for me. just because it ended doesnt mean there has to be another competition (which u always started these even over the smallest things) where ur wrong im right etc etc.

idk M. for the sake of your akhira please be introspective. im not saying this to be a bitch, im not saying this in any way. go to therapy, figure out who you really are. wake up, because u deserve to live a happy life and have a connection between your true Self and Soul so that ur soul doesnt suffer this hell your putting it through for an infinite.