Meta-feedism Meta-kink - Tumblr Posts

Feederism and consent

So, in light of this profoundly disturbing situation that has occurred in the bara community, in which several young men have passed away owing to alleged, but not unbelievale, pressure to modify their body to align with the desires of a certain individual, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on power dynamics, and the potential for manipulation in our own community -  I’ll try not to ramble on too much. The stereotype of a feeder as a manipulative, abusive individual that objectifies their feedee and puts their health second to their own sexual pleasure is something that as a community we have strove to distance ourselves from and for the multitude of posts decrying this issue is not something that demands further comment. What I want to address is the issue of subtle, and subconscious pressures and manipulations that feeders might place upon their feedees either through a lack of experience, ignorance, or selfish and hurtful attitudes. When you first introduce a loved one or casual partner, irl or online, to feedism or fat appreciation it can be very exciting - talking openly about a subject that has felt taboo and unspeakable can be relieving to speak your truth out in the open - I like fat, I’m all about it!  It is normal to find yourself waxing lyrical on the aesthetic delights of an overhang, or the pleasure you get from seeing somebody push the limits of their stomach’s capacity and be truly gluttonous, and when these desires are received warmly it is a rare and precious validation of your sexual identity. However, we need to proceed with caution about setting expectations and defining standards to the recipient of this information. When you tell your somewhat chubby, or maybe large partner, that you appreciate their body and perhaps its potential for growth, sensitivities need to be observed to maintain that partner’s sense of autonomy over their body and said growth.  I think one of the most poisonous things you can do to your partner is to directly compare and contrast bodies that you find pleasing against their own, especially if those bodies differ to a large degree, even if not done with manipulative intent. As feedists we need to be careful to make sure that our partners or the people we play with know that we appreciate their bodies now and that attraction and interest are not conditional to them growing. If you do not find your partner’s body attractive in the present, I would advise you to take a look at the kind of pressures that you might be exerting that may indirectly force somebody to do things outside of their comfort zone. You may not even realise that you’re doing this, but it’s an important thing to remove in order to have a healthy relationship. There is a huge community of people who, in lieu of being able to find this rare relationship irl, give and receive encouragement online. I think that it’s a wonderful resource that the community allows for people who many not receive attention or the type of sexual interaction that they desire in real life to express their abundant and beautiful sexuality. My opinion I want to express on this issue is not a criticism of any particular individuals, but comes from the deep affection I have for you all and reverence I have for people’s individual mental well being and feedist journey. The power dynamic in feedist relationships is strong and hugely erotic for many of us, and we need to be conscientious that we are participating in it with the right intentions and respect for each and every person as an individual. If you are encouraging somebody online, you have a duty of care. If you do not care about their mental well being and who they are as a person you run the risk of being exploitative. Fat is a societal issue and a health issue, and the majority of us have overcome or are still processing the deeply complex emotional, intellectual, and moral ideas around fat, our bodies, and the bodies of our partner/s.  If you do not pay attention to where your feedee is at in this process you run the risk of actually helping them engage in behaviour that could be harmful to their mental and sexual health, and preventing them from establishing a normal range of emotions towards their sexuality - something that is critical to human happiness. I would promote feeders to be aware of the power that they have in this community where they often outnumber feedees, particularly the ratio of FFA’s to male feedees. The attention that you may halfheartedly give to a number of feedees may be the only attention that they are receiving, and subsequently they are likely to go to extremes in order to please you. For many, this will be fine and an ideal situation, but I urge feeders to be aware of where they stand in this dynamic. It is important that you are receptive to having conversations about concerns that your feedee might have about their gains, and that they can express any desires to lose weight or maintain without fearing that the affection or interest they are receiving will be immediately relinquished. If you do not have that kind of relationship with you feedee then I would advise you to reassess whether it serves the right purpose for either party. Feedees, if you find that you are not able to express your emotions and concerns regarding your gains to your feeder I would implore you to find somebody who is more interested in seeing you as a person and not a growing belly for their collection. Again, I think a lot of these potentially harmful situations arise from a lack of experience and maybe fewer years spent pondering the moral implications of your fetish, and do not point to any inherent bad nature of either party. When I was younger (nearly 30 now, folks) I definitely put pressure on people and behaved in ways that I now regret and see as morally objectionable. The point is that we have the capacity for change and should hold ourselves accountable for our actions going forward. I know a lot of the thrill of engaging in kink comes from participating with individuals who understand your drive and have the potential to turn you on without instruction, but it’s plain to see that there’s so much variety in our collective community that you can’t presume to know instinctively that what you say or do works for another person and isn’t actually triggering.  Not everyone is into name-calling, or stuffing, or even feeding. I know that talking about what you’re into with somebody before playing with them can mentally remove that pleasure that comes from feeling like somebody is a natural fit for you, but I think we actually need to get more used to talking about sex, expectations, and consent - I think we’d actually all end up having more satisfying sexual experiences because of it rather than in spite of it, but most importantly we’d know that we’re not hurting anyone else through our pleasure. Our community is so special and it’s so important that we foster supportive, nurturing attitudes alongside the fun, sexually driven side of things ❤️ (this was extremely long and I’ll be surprised if anyone makes it to the end. Hello, skim readers and people who actually care about this stuff)