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published december 5, 2023

Netizens Defend ATEEZ’s Juliet After Her Alleged Ex-Boyfriend Shades Her On Instagram

What are your thoughts?

On December 1, ATEEZ made their comeback with the album THE WORLD EP.FIN : WILL. Most notably, the album featured unit and solo songs by the members, which excited fans as they showed the members’ unique styles. Juliet’s song, titled Sweet Killer, was praised by listeners for its concept and songwriting, and is even charting on MelOn upon its release.

A few days later, a post on the online platform Pann Nate went viral, amassing over 100,000 views and 500 comments. The post, titled ATEEZ Juliet’s ex-boyfriend’s insta is weird, shows a series of now-deleted Instagram stories by a dancer named Kim Seojun.

In one post, the dancer types over a black background: People are so f*cking ridiculous these days. Why are you writing a song about something that happened years ago and playing the victim? F*ck. In the following stories, the dancer also posted photos of himself with a masked girl, allegedly Juliet, to prove that he was indeed in a relationship with the idol in 2019.

As Sweet Killer is about a romantic interest who played with others’ feelings, netizens were quick to theorise that the dancer was referring to Juliet in his stories. After receiving criticism for making the posts about her unprovoked, Seojun deleted his stories and turned his Instagram account to private.

Comments from the Pann post express disbelief and disgust over the dancer’s actions, pointing out he had no reason to expose their past relationship when she never mentioned him by name.

“But the lyrics aren’t even specific enough to point to him. If he just stayed quiet, people would just think it’s another love song”

“No but why is he exposing himself ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ”

“Assuming her lyrics are telling the truth, it doesn’t even sound like they were in an actual relationship????? It sounds more like he gave her mixed signals and then dumped her..”

“It’s weirder that he kept their photos from 2019…seems like he’s the one who wants to drag up the past”

“No but the song is f*cking good and doing well on the charts so he should be honoured”

“She didn’t say who the song is about… so if the shoe fits……”

“He accused her of bringing up the past but then randomly posted photos of her, f*cking crazy”

“She’s successful now and in a good relationship, of course he’s jealous”

“Seojun-ah, no one would know the song is about you if you just shut up ㅋㅋ”

“Is he trying to get his fifteen minutes of fame from this?? Ah… stay strong our Julie”

At the moment, neither KQ Entertainment nor Juliet has responded to this matter.

You can listen to Sweet Killer on all music platforms!

nightmare

main masterlist | chanliet files

date: june 2021

word count: 1.8k

warning(s) / includes: seojun (context), ju has a nightmare where chan is really mean to her </3, crying, kissing (please lmk if i missed anything!)

Juliet thinks this has to be the worst day of her life.

She should’ve known. She should’ve known it was all too good to be true. Kim Seojun was right after all: She just isn’t meant for relationships, she’s the problem. Because if even someone as wonderful as Chan got tired of her, she must’ve really messed up.

“Minnie, I thought you were better than this. Relationships between idols never go far anyways. If I wanted to be with you long-term, I would’ve done something about it a long time ago.”

It’s here again: That feeling of her heart being ripped to shreds as she looks up at Chan’s impassive expression with blurry vision. “So I was just a toy to you? Someone for you to play with until you get bored and find someone else?”

“God, you’re so naive. Can’t you just loosen up a bit, treat this as having some fun? You’ll find someone else.”

“I don’t want someone else, I want you!” she shouts, chest heaving with sobs as she struggles to get her next words out. “Can’t you see? I’m in love with you!”

He sighs, and a flicker of regret crosses his face before it’s gone as quickly as it came. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. We’re over, okay?”

“Chan! Please!” She reaches for his sleeve as he turns to leave, digging her nails into the fabric when he tries shrugging his arm out of her grasp, but she tells herself to hold on because if she lets go she’ll never get him back again—

“Don’t leave me, please! We’ll work something out… Chan, please…”

“—ake up. Please wake up, baby. It’s just a dream—”

Juliet’s eyes snap open as her strangled gasps fill the room. Her cheeks are wet, her throat is tight, and her chest feels heavy as though someone placed a giant weight on it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it was a nightmare. You’re okay, I promise,” she hears Chan murmur, but his words go in one ear and out the other as she’s still trapped in limbo, physically back in reality but mentally stuck in her dream. She blinks through her tears to get a better look at her surroundings: She’s in his bedroom, his bedside lamp is switched on, he’s next to her.

He’s next to her. The realisation has her scrambling to get away from him, pressing herself as closely to her side of the bed as possible. This Chan looks at her with worried, gentle eyes, but what about the Chan she was with just moments ago—the one who looked so cold and spoke so cruelly, dropping her heart like it was a piece of glass without a care in the world? Is he going to be back?

“Baby, it’s me, it’s me,” Chan says, his voice trembling as he attempts to soothe her. He wants to stay strong for her, but seeing her backed up against the nightstand like a frightened animal with tears streaming down her face cuts a deep gash in his heart. He doesn’t know what to do to stop her distress apart from whispering reassurances, but he wants it to go away.

He reaches out to her, wanting to pull her into his arms, but out of instinct she flinches away and shrinks into herself, and he thinks nothing else in the world could hurt him more than the sight of her seemingly terrified of him.

The pain etched onto his features shocks Juliet out of her stupor, yanking her back into reality. Suddenly she realises what had happened, and panic and guilt sets in.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry—Oh my God, I’m so, so sorry,” her apologies spill from her lips like a raging river, a mess of tears dripping down her cheeks because she’s horrified with what she’s done. “I’m so sorry, Channie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to! I swear! It all felt so real and—”

“It’s okay, angel, it’s okay,” he says, settling on holding her shaking hand so he doesn’t startle her again. “I understand, I really do. It must’ve been an awful dream, but you’re safe now, I’m here. Nothing’s gonna hurt you, okay? I promise.”

Juliet nods and scoots closer to him as he rubs circles on the back of her hand, all while murmuring endless reassurances to comfort her. He’s unbelievably patient with everything despite the late hour, guiding her to do breathing exercises and whispering praises as she follows along to the rhythm he sets.

Finally, she’s calmed down enough to think and speak coherently, her mind no longer tormented by the terrifyingly realistic nightmare. Chan’s heart aches at the sight of her swollen eyes and dazed expression; his hands are now cupping her cheeks, gently wiping away what’s left of her tears with his thumbs.

“Do you want some tea, baby?” he asks, smiling softly when she hesitates before nodding. “I’ll go make some for you, then. Wait here and try to rest a bit, I’ll be back soon.”

He turns to get off the bed, but she manages to grab the sleeve of his pyjama shirt before he’s completely out of reach. Surprised, he looks back at her.

“Can… can I come with you, please? I don’t want to be alone right now,” she adds the second part quietly.

“Of course, angel.” He holds her hand as he helps her off the bed, not letting go even as they leave his room and creep down the dark hallway, careful not to cause too much noise and wake up his members. In the kitchen, Chan flicks on one of the smaller lights, casting a warm glow over the space.

Juliet grabs two mugs from the cupboard, but he’s by her side in an instant to take them away with a soft tut. At her curious gaze, he smiles and guides her to the counter where he gestures for her to sit.

“Let me,” he says, placing a finger on her lips when she opens her mouth to protest. “Let me take care of you, baby. I want to.”

So she gives in, watching him move around the kitchen as he prepares everything. Her mind starts replaying the image of his hurt expression when she shrunk away from him, and while she knows he’d never blame her for it, she still hates being the reason for his sadness.

She wants to make him feel better, just like how he’s doing the same for her right now.

“Channie,” she calls out softly as he places a chamomile tea bag in each mug. He hums in response before turning to her, and his face instantly lights up when he finds her sitting there with outstretched arms.

In hurried shuffles he makes his way over to her, standing between her legs as she wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face in his shoulder. His arms settle around her waist, tracing patterns over her shirt. His muscles relax, seeing her come back to him finally putting his mind at ease.

“I’m sorry,” Juliet whispers against his skin, “I’m sorry I hurt you.” He shakes his head to tell her it’s okay, but she continues regardless. “I didn’t mean to flinch away earlier, it’s just… it was a really terrible dream.” His eyes well up with tears at how her voice cracks, knowing how painful it must be for her to even think about the nightmare. “You… you were saying things that reminded me of Kim Seojun, and you wanted to en-end things, and I begged you not to leave.”

“I know,” Chan admits, feeling his throat close up at the memory while he rubs her sides comfortingly, “I woke up to you crying and saying ‘don’t leave’.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t even know why I had that dream. You’re not like him at all, you have such a beautiful heart, and I know you’d never say those horrible things even if you did want to break up w—”

“Don’t. Don’t finish that sentence,” he pleads, his hold growing tighter around her as if scared she’ll float away. “Juliet, I’m crazy about you. I’m so, so, so in love with you and I can’t ever see myself stopping. And I know it hasn’t been that long since we started dating, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making you the happiest girl in the world. I… I felt like my heart was being torn apart seeing how distressed you were back there. I’ll never let anyone hurt you like that again, especially not myself. I promise.”

He can feel her tears soaking through his shirt, but that’s the last thing he cares about right now. All he cares about is that she’s here and safe with him; far, far away from the person who caused her so much anguish. “I love you,” she murmurs, “I love you so, so much, Channie. More than I’m able to express with words. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Please stop apologising, baby. You had no control over it. What matters to me is that you’re okay now.”

Slowly, Juliet lifts her head from his shoulder and pulls away, unable to stop her bottom lip from wobbling upon noticing his glossy eyes, shining with unshed tears. His gaze on her remains tender as ever as she cups his cheeks, drawing tiny hearts on his skin with her thumbs. She then leans in shyly, gently bumping the tip of his nose with hers before connecting their lips and kissing him sweetly.

Melting into her touch instantly, he wraps his arms around her waist to pull her closer, their bodies pressed flush against each other’s as he kisses her back with just as much passion, occasionally nipping at her bottom lip to swallow her cute little gasps.

The electric kettle makes a small thunk, indicating the water is fully boiled and ready for use. After making their tea, they gingerly carry the steaming mugs back to his room and place them on his nightstand to cool.

“What if I get another nightmare?” she says worriedly as they get into a comfortable position in his bed.

“You won’t,” Chan says firmly, “I’ll make sure of it.” Quiet giggles bubble out of her as he drops kiss after kiss to the crown of her head, temples, and forehead, the sound making his heart flutter because he’s so relieved to see her happy again.

Once satisfied with the amount of kisses he’s left, he pulls away with a proud smile. “There, now you’re protected,” he tells her, “no more nightmares for tonight… or ever.”

Perhaps it was all just a coincidence, but she prefers to believe that his kisses really did work, because she slept peacefully in his arms for the rest of that night.

a/n: fuck seojun fr :/ but this incident made chanliet even closer :’)))

if you liked this, i’d really love to hear your thoughts and feedback!!! <333

taglist: @moonlight-additions @shinyddeonghwa @skzfairies @bat-shark-repellant @1-800-minji @atinymonster @mythicalamphitrite @slytherinthedms @atzaria @yunascular @ggukkiedae @one16core @m00niesk7 @mocheesekimbap @utopiakys @mingis-wrld @slytherinseulgi @billboard-singer @txt-yaomi @stopeatread @kittiverse @still-astray @hyunmijung @jichukimsstuff @linsyeuxlili @cafemilk-tea @lightaflme @justmochi @fromfreesia @taestrwbrry @alixnsuperstxr @peachyaeger @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @fairiepoems @angie-x3 @satsuri3su @allthings-fandoms (feel free to send an ask/dm to be on/off the taglist <3)

Fan tweets

We’ll be okay

❒ pairing - evelyn x mingyu

❒ word count - 1.5K

❒ synopsis - the aftermath of the d*spatch news

⚠️ angst

🏷️ taglist - @justmochi @ateezjuliet @itzy-eve @cosmicwintr @billboard-singer @kimhyejin3108 @cixrosie @enhacolor @allthings-fandoms @mingis-wrld @kmgfeels @peachyaeger @choihaneul @alixnsuperstxr @angie-x3

(a/n prepare your tissues everyone. im so sorry </3)

Evelyn hummed a little tune to herself as she dropped the towel she used to dry her hair off into the hamper in her bedroom. After getting home from the airport, she had wanted nothing more than to simply take a hot shower and relax.

A small pout formed on her lips when she had finally taken notice that the apartment was way too quiet for her liking. She was picking Winnie and Bleu up tomorrow from Seungcheol’s place on his recommendation so she wasn’t stressing herself out having to rush to pick them up even though she had missed them terribly and wanted nothing more than to snuggle with her fur babies.

She turned on her heels quickly when the sound of her phone buzzing on the coffee table in the living room and the familiar jingle of her ringtone echoed throughout the apartment. Sliding in on the hardwood floor, she fumbled around for her phone, smiling when Seungcheol’s name and picture flashed across the screen. She fell back onto the couch as she answered the call, throwing her feet up on the coffee table in the process.

“Are my children causing you havoc, Cheolie?” She made herself laugh as she wiggled further down into the couch, “They’re my little angels they could never-.”

Seungcheol took a deep breath on the other side of the line, swallowing thickly before simply cutting her off, “Eunji, I need to talk to you urgently and I wanted to be the one that called you before you saw it for yourself.”

Evelyn pinched her eyebrows together as she pouted her lips outwards, picking at the fringe on her sweater. He sounded a little too serious to be playing a prank on her but she couldn’t quite tell what he was worked up over. His tone held that leadery tone that he used very seldomly and that’s when she knew something wasn’t right, “What’s up? Did something happen?”

“Eunji-,” He paused on the other side of the line, “Firstly, I want you to know that I’m so sorry that this has happened. I-I don’t know how but we will find out, I’ll make sure of it.”

“Cheol, please you’re scaring me.”

She took her legs off the coffee table to sit up straighter, gnawing on her bottom lip as she waited for him to continue his speech. She leaned forward to allow her elbows to dig into her knees in what she could only describe as anticipation? Fear? Maybe a little of both?

“Dispatch…You and Mingyu…They- someone told them about you two-.”

Her face drained from its color as the blood in her body ran frigid. Her ears were ringing so badly to the point that she could barely hear Seungcheol talking anymore. The firm grip she had on her phone tightened as she tried her best to keep it pressed to her ear, her other hand flying to her mouth out of complete shock.

“I’ve talked to Mingyu right before I called you and he’s on his way over.” It felt like he was speaking to her from a thousand yards away.

It was getting harder to speak, her throat felt like it was closing in on itself with the lump that jumped up into it, “H-How did-?”

His voice carried a heavy weight to it as he spoke to her. She could hear his footsteps on the other end, Seungcheol saying hello to someone and then a car door closing, “I’m not sure, Eunji. Manager-nim just picked me up and we’re heading straight to the company to see what we can sort out. You and Mingyu will probably be called in by them as well, but don’t be afraid, alright? Every single one of us has both of your backs.”

Her whole body felt numb to the touch with the feeling that she was going to be sick creeping up the back of her throat. It was hard being an idol in a relationship in this kind of industry. Wanting to keep the relationship a secret was always something she knew she wanted, knowing the exact outcome if anyone had found out. And of course, the world just happened to be against her on what some people wait an entire year for just to get their hands on the newly outed Dispatch couple; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

“I’ll call you back once I hear something,” Seungcheol’s voice dropped with sadness when she let out a dry gasp on her end, “And please for your sake, don’t go online, promise?”

Evelyn’s eyes clamped shut as all she could do to answer him was hum her response. She couldn’t give him that promise. She ended the call with him, dropping her phone into her lap and running her hands through her hair.

Tears pricked her eyes as a dry sob finally left her mouth, picking her phone up and her thumbs flying to type her name into the Naver search bar. She swallowed down the lump in her throat as she stood up from the couch to pace around her apartment, clicking on the first article she found.

‘Thanks to the work of Dispatch, Seventeen’s Evelyn and Mingyu are caught in a secret relationship extending a little over two years…’

Her vision was becoming blurry as she scrolled down the article, her eyes glossing over countless hidden pictures taken of the two of them in secret locations. She bit the inside of her cheek hard when she scrolled to the comment section and choked on air as she skimmed through the thousands of comments left behind by netizens.

“[+74, 0] #PledisRemoveEvelynFromSVT”

“[+36, 0] Is that girl for real?”

“[+53, -2] Seventeen is thirteen after this s**t”

“[+19, 0] Seriously, this girl has no shame. She’s going to drag Kim Mingyu down the more she hangs onto him.”

“[+6, 0] This b***h is crazy going after Mingyu. Dating your own group member is a little nasty?”

“[+22, -1] Protest trucks are on the way demanding for her removal ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ. Fingers crossed this one works.”

Her phone slips from her grip, clattering onto the floor below most definitely leaving a crack or two across the screen. Tears flowed from her eyes in steady streams down her cheeks, droplets falling onto her hands as she stared at the floor below. All this over finding that one person and being in love?

She didn’t even hear the front door opening until it was falling close behind the person. She knew who it was without even having to turn around. Her bottom lip quivered as she turned to face Mingyu, roughly wiping at her face with the sleeve of her sweater.

“Baby-,” Mingyu choked out as he reached her in three strides, pulling her into his chest firmly as she finally broke down guttural sobs. Her shaking hands came up from where she had them balled up at her sides to clutch at his shirt in tight fists.

Mingyu kissed the top of her head before making himself smaller and lowering his face into the crook of her neck, his breathing coming out in shaky waves.

“I-I’m sorry,” It felt like all the air inside her lungs had given out, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t say that. You’ve done nothing wrong, Evie.”

“I-It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t-,” She choked out another sob and Mingyu tightened the hold that he had on her, “I didn’t mean it, I swear.” He fought back his own tears as he listened to her speak, wanting to be strong for her.

“I don’t want to ruin your career Gyu, you love this job way too much for me to tear it all down.” She didn’t think it would hurt this much. To her, it was her fault. If she hadn’t developed her crush on his all those years ago, they wouldn’t be in this position today.

“Evie, I love my job with you in it.”

“The netizens t-they-.”

“Let them all talk, say what they have to say. You and I both know the truth and that’s all we need,” Mingyu’s grip tightened on her again, wrapping her in his warmth, “They can go fuck themselves for all I care.”

He waited until she was calmed down enough and ready to be pulled back, moving his hands up to cup around her face. The pads of his thumbs swiped underneath her eyes to collect the buildup of tears from falling down their path. Her watery eyes found his eyes as they were filled with copious amounts of sadness from seeing her in this state.

“Baby, please listen to me.”

Her bottom lip trembled again as he gently tilted her head upwards to properly gain her attention.

“I’m still the same me and you’re still the same you, right? Nothing has nor will it ever change, okay? I love and care about you and you only,” He pressed his lips firmly to her forehead and left them linger there for a few moments before pulling away and pressing his forehead against hers, “We’ll be okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

birthday girl (m)

masterlist | chanliet files

date: june 6, 2023

word count: 6.1k

note: some parts inspired by this ask hehe also after the first 1k words it’s pure filth so if that’s not your thing you might wanna skip this skkdjdj

warning(s) / includes: smut (please skip if you’re a minor or uncomfy with nsfw content! read at your own discretion!), unprotected sex (this is fiction!!!!!! practise safe sex irl!!!!!!!!!), language, chan gets a lil jealous but not in a bad way, food mentions (please lmk if i missed anything!)

Sitting on Chan’s bed, Juliet has her hands covering her eyes as he grabs her present from where he’d hidden it for the past several weeks.

She feels so spoilt, as just several hours ago he made a surprise visit during her birthday livestream with cupcakes and a bouquet of pink roses, the thoughtful gesture sending the live chat into an excited frenzy.

Chan’s footsteps grow increasingly louder until she can feel him stop right in front of her. “Okay, baby, you can look now.”

Eyes fluttering open, Juliet’s jaw drops to the ground when she sees the large shopping bag he’s holding, the bronzed Yves Saint Laurent logo glinting in the ambient light of his bedroom. Still stunned into silence, she looks back up at his face, heart skipping a beat at how cute he looks with the excited grin on his face.

“Channie, this must’ve cost a lot,” she murmurs before gingerly accepting the luxurious present. The box feels heavy as she slides it out of the bag and places it on her lap, staring down at it in awe. There’s a difference between buying something expensive for yourself and receiving it as a gift, and right now she doesn’t know what she’s done to deserve this.

He sits down next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her into his chest. Instinctively, she leans into his warmth, but is careful not to smudge any makeup on his white shirt. “I know you’ve wanted a pair for a long, long time, and you deserve it,” he says before pressing a kiss to her temple. “Happy Birthday, baby. Thank you for always supporting and taking care of me.”

She tilts her head up to meet his eyes. “And I’ll happily do it forever,” she whispers. “Everyone in the live today was right: I’m truly the luckiest girl in the world, and I’ll never take it for granted. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been ever since you came into my life.”

“Hey, don’t make me cry, our reservation is in less than an hour,” Chan whines weakly, eyes turning glassy with unshed tears as he rests his forehead on hers. “I love you so, so, so much.”

“And I love you more than there are stars in the sky.” Cheeks hurting from smiling so widely, Juliet leans in to press a long, deep kiss to his lips, the weight of the box on her lap forgotten as she savours the feeling of his tongue sensually licking into her mouth.

Lost in the kiss, she barely notices him pulling away for air until he gently nudges her with his elbow. “Well?” he urges eagerly, looking down at the box before back up at her. “Open it!”

Slowly, Juliet lifts the lid of the box and sets it aside, peeling back the layers of tissue paper to reveal the heels she’s wanted for months. Lips parted in amazement, she picks up one of them to admire it, taking in every detail from the sleek black shoe itself to the gold heel that’s shaped like the brand’s logo.

“Oh, Channie,” she murmurs softly, placing the shoe back into the box before launching herself into his arms. He instantly returns the embrace, wrapping his arms securely around her as she peppers kisses all over his skin. “I love them so, so much, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

He beams, cheeks tinted pink as he rubs gentle circles on her waist. “You’re welcome, angel, and I know you’ll look beautiful in them.”

“You can be the judge in a bit,” she says cheekily, prompting him to raise his brows expectantly. “They’ll pair so well with the dress I picked out for tonight.”

Ten minutes later, she’s done adding the finishing touches to her hair and makeup and has changed into her outfit. Walking down the hallway to the living room, the sound of her heels clacking against the floor draws his attention. He looks up from his phone with a smile, but just a second later it’s gone and replaced by a look of pure awe.

“What do you think?” Juliet asks shyly as Chan meets her halfway. His eyes travel along her silky black dress with thin ribbon straps tied into a bow before finally landing on the heels he’d just gifted her.

She giggles as he pulls her to him, their bodies pressed together as he leans in to whisper in a low voice that has goosebumps raising along her arms. “I think I’m the luckiest person on Earth with the most stunning girlfriend.”

Halfway into their dinner at a fancy sushi restaurant, the mixture of annoyance and jealousy simmering inside him threatens to reach a boil when he catches their server ogle her, his lewd gaze lingering on her slightly exposed cleavage a little too long for at least the third time. For a split second, the two men make eye contact and Chan gives him the nastiest glare he can muster. Hastily, the server scurries off.

Oblivious to their silent exchange, Juliet happily admires the plate of beautifully-arranged sashimi that was just placed on their table before snapping a few quick shots with her phone. When she turns to Chan, however, her smile fades at his clenched jaw and narrowed eyes as he continues glaring in the direction of the kitchen.

She gently takes his hand in her own. The effect of her touch is instantaneous, snapping him out of his thoughts and releasing the tension in his body. All the venom in his gaze melts away at the sight of her, replaced by affection and tenderness.

“Baby, did something happen? What’s wrong?” she whispers.

He shakes his head, smiling reassuringly. “I’m okay, really. Don’t worry.”

“You sure?”

“Positive,” he confirms, squeezing her hand lightly, “just had a random thought.” Usually, he wouldn’t lie to her about the things on his mind, but seeing as it’s her birthday dinner, the last thing he wants is to put a damper on their night together.

He can tell by her pout that she’s not fully convinced, but she doesn’t push it. Instead, she scoots closer to lean her head on his shoulder. “Okay, if you’re sure. But in case you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. You don’t have to deal with it alone just because it’s my birthday.”

Heart melting, he drops a soft kiss on her temple. “I know… Thank you, really.” His hand instinctively falls on her knee and he glances down, only to finally notice that the hem of her already short dress has ridden up, exposing the smooth skin of her thighs. Slowly, he drags his hand upwards, trailing his fingers teasingly along her inner thigh as she shivers under his touch.

A small whimper escapes her once he reaches mid-thigh, his hand dangerously close to slipping beneath her dress as his thumb rubs gentle circles on her skin.

“Shhh… can’t let anyone hear you, baby,” he whispers, “I haven’t even done anything.” Thankfully, the restaurant is dimly lit and they’re seated in a private corner as per their reservation’s request, thus minimising the chances of someone watching.

He smiles smugly at how her breathing’s already heavier than usual as she gazes at him with lust-clouded eyes, lashes fluttering and cheeks coloured pink. “You look exquisite tonight, have I told you that yet?”

Juliet grins shyly as she intertwines their fingers. “Only about ten times. I could get used to you saying it more,” she teases.

He leans in even closer until their faces are just centimetres apart, and secretly hopes to have the rest of his life to get lost in the stars in her eyes. “And I’ll never get tired of doing so.”

Juliet gasps as she’s backed up against the wall the moment the door to his apartment locks behind them.

The rest of their dinner was lovely, and by the time they left they definitely had their fill of sushi and complimentary dessert. Yet, there was still room for ice cream—something that became a date night staple over the years—while they went on a relaxing night drive, so his sudden switch in demeanour now comes as a surprise. Before she can question it, his lips capture hers roughly as though wanting to devour her right there in the hallway.

She moans softly against his lips when he slots his leg between hers and moves his hands to her hips, encouraging her to grind down on his thigh at a slow, sensual pace. With every drag of her core against the toned muscle, more whimpers escape her as he possessively tightens his hold on her hips.

“Channie,” she pants, “need you… need you now.”

He hums, a smirk tugging at his lips as he trails kisses along her jaw. “Yeah? How badly do you need me?”

“So bad, so, so bad. ’s all I could think of tonight,” Juliet admits, her hands pawing at his shirt in an attempt to unbutton it, “you look so good… please…” She can feel herself soaking through her panties, and her face grows even warmer at the thought that there might already be a wet spot on his slacks from her arousal as well.

“You’ll have to be patient, princess,” he coos, smiling when she squirms from the pet name, “we have all night, and I have every intention to take my time with you.”

Pressing one last kiss to her lips, he sinks to his knees and lifts up her dress. Teasingly, he drags his fingers across her core, feeling how damp the black lacy material became from her slick as her hips buck into his touch. His eyes flit up to watch her as his thumb rubs firm circles on her clit, taking in her closed eyes and parted lips, chest rising and falling with her heavy breathing.

Chan hooks his fingers into the waistband of her panties before slowly sliding them down her legs, fully exposing her core to him. “So pretty,” he murmurs, using his thumbs to gently spread apart her folds as she whines above him. “You’re so wet, baby. Who is this for?”

“You, only you, Channie,” Juliet gasps, “please—need you so bad, it hurts…” She moans loudly when he finally dives in, dragging his tongue between her folds to lick up her arousal. Wrapping an arm around her left thigh, he guides her to hook her leg over his shoulder to give him more access.

He laps greedily at her core as she reaches down to tangle her fingers into his hair, her other hand gripping desperately at the wall in an attempt to keep herself upright. Chasing the feeling of his lips where she’s most sensitive while balancing on one leg, she writhes incessantly in his grasp, cries of his name spilling from her lips over and over again as his tongue dips into her soaked entrance.

“Taste so sweet, baby, just wanna do this forever,” Chan groans into her folds, the vibrations adding to her pleasure as she tugs harder on his hair with a whine. “You like that? Want me to eat you out all night until you can’t come anymore?”

Juliet tries to answer him, but her mind blanks the moment he flattens his tongue against her clit before sucking on it harshly, and all that comes out of her mouth is a broken sob. “W-Want your cock too,” she finally manages to whimper, head thrown back against the wall at the euphoria consuming every part of her body.

“That’s right, you’re never satisfied until you’ve come around my cock, hm?” he purrs, rubbing her thigh soothingly as her hips rock messily into his face, an indication that she’s nearing her first orgasm of the night. “My princess is always so insatiable.”

“Only for you,” Juliet gasps, eyes rolling to the back of her head as the familiar knot in her stomach tightens, “fuck—Channie, ’m so close, pl-please, can I come? Please?”

He briefly pulls away from her core to place a gentle kiss to her inner thigh. “Such a good girl. Gonna give you everything you want, I promise. Come for me, baby, show me how good you feel,” he mumbles, firmly flicking her swollen clit with his tongue until she shatters with a cry, chest heaving heavily as he eagerly laps up her arousal.

Shuddering, she slumps against the wall, knowing her buckling knees would’ve caused her to crumple to the floor if not for the secure hold he has on her. With soft licks at her core, he helps her ride out her orgasm, the whimpers she lets out going straight to his cock and making it strain against his pants almost painfully.

He wraps an arm around her waist to steady her as he gets up, his other hand cradling the side of her face to pull her into a fiery kiss. She moans at the taste of her release as he licks sensually into her mouth, resuming her attempt at unbuttoning his shirt. Her patience runs thin, and it doesn’t take long before she gives up on fumbling with the tiny buttons, resorting to yanking them undone.

“Fuck, that was hot,” Chan mutters, earning a pleased giggle from her before lifting her off the ground to carry her further into the apartment, kicking his shoes off in the process. Carefully, he lays her down on the marble kitchen island, his thumb brushing over her flushed cheek as though handling porcelain. “Can I continue, baby?”

“Yes,” Juliet responds immediately, starry-eyed, “you can do anything you want to me. Need you right now.”

Grinning, he leans down to kiss her again, his firm body draped over hers as his hands begin kneading her breasts over the silky fabric of her dress, relishing in the soft pants she lets out into the kiss.

His lips drift down to her jawline, and she tips her head back to allow him better access to her neck as he nibbles and sucks at her skin, leaving blooming marks that will undoubtedly last for the next several days. Meanwhile, his fingers deftly untie the straps of her dress so he can pull the top portion down and help remove her strapless bra, which he drops to the floor without so much as a glance in its direction.

Immediately, he attaches his mouth to her breast, his tongue swirling around the perked nipple as his hand fondles the other. Juliet sighs happily as he doesn’t let up on his ministrations, feeling his teeth graze along her skin while he marks up her chest. He switches sides eventually, wrapping his lips around the other nipple and flicking it with his tongue to pull more breathy whines from her.

His unoccupied hand moves from her waist to the skirt of her dress, pulling the fabric up so it bunches around her waist. A squeal leaves her parted lips when he drags his fingers along her folds, slick from the orgasm she just had.

“Sensitive, baby?” Chan purrs against her skin, still pressing long, sensual kisses to her flushed chest as he continues teasing her, fingertips skimming over her core just to hear her whine in protest, his body draped over hers firmly to keep her wriggling to a minimum.

“Want y-you inside,” she says, sounding far less commanding than she’d like from the quiver in her voice thanks to his thumb toying with her clit.

Pretending to consider it, he drops a sweet peck on her swollen lips. “Not yet, pretty,” he coos, “need to prep you first.”

“I don’t need it, want your cock now!”

His eyes twinkle down at her, and he can’t help the little beat his heart skips from her cute, pouty expression. Shaking his head, he chides with a tut, “So bossy.”

“Are you really gonna deny me on my bir—oh,” she heaves out a choked gasp as he slips two fingers into her core, burying them to the last knuckle and finding an increasingly fast rhythm.

Chan chuckles, the deep timbre causing her to gush more around his fingers. “You were saying, princess?” As expected, she’s unable to piece together a coherent thought, let alone voice it out loud. “That’s what I thought. You’re gonna be good for me, aren’t you?”

Desperately, she nods, eyes fluttering shut and lips parted in a silent moan as he continues pumping his fingers into her. She can feel her arousal dripping around his digits and down her inner thighs, and with every precise thrust the knot in her stomach tightens more and more.

Her loud whines echo through the open kitchen when he adds a third finger, filling her up completely. “Good, baby?” he mumbles against her skin, now adding more love bites to the collection blooming across her chest.

“Yes, so, so good,” Juliet sighs, her voice soft and serene. In intimate moments like these with him, she always feels as though she’s floating on a cloud, head fuzzy and body buzzing with euphoria. “Baby, ’m close…”

Chan hums in response, his eyes now trained on his fingers entering her soaked core, filling the space with lewd noises that flood her cheeks with rosiness. “I know, you’re squeezing around me so tightly. Gonna make you feel good, princess. You’re gonna let your Channie make you feel good, right?”

He begins grinding his palm against her clit, stimulating the sensitive nub as she writhes and moans beneath him. She’s fully incoherent at this point, sobs of his name and babbles about being close are the only things leaving her mouth as he holds her hips in place with his other hand.

“C—fuck, Channie! ’M coming—” Stars dance across Juliet’s vision as her second orgasm slams into her, her body tensing up as mind-numbing pleasure shocks her every nerve. He doesn’t stop moving his fingers, thrusting them slower but just as deeply to help her ride it out.

“There you go, baby. Such a good girl, you came so much for me,” Chan murmurs in her ear, delighted with how responsive she always is to his touch as she mewls at the sensitivity, twitching thighs clamping around his hand. His fingers are completely coated with her release as he slips them out, leaving more dribbling from her core as it clenches around emptiness.

He peppers kisses all over her face while she fully comes down from her high, his usual sweet, gentle demeanour returning as he tends to her. “Good, angel?” he asks, but when all this elicits is a quiet moan from her, he immediately starts to worry that she might be too spent to continue. “I think we should take a short break first, okay?”

Juliet’s eyes snap open at his words, and she adamantly shakes her head. “I want more,” she tells him while giving him her best puppy eyes, “I need you, Channie.”

“You have me, always,” he reassures with a peck to her lips, but it doesn’t stop her from pouting beneath him, “just wanted to make sure if you need some rest before continuing.”

Smiling at his obvious care for her, she takes his hand and laces their fingers together. “I’m good, I promise, but I really, really, really need you inside me or I’ll go insane.”

Her heart does flips at the bright laughter he lets out. “Well, who am I to deny my princess what she wants?” he muses teasingly, sliding her bunched up dress down her legs before letting it drop to the floor, leaving her completely bare on the counter. He begins undressing himself, well aware of her desperate gaze trained on him as he tosses his shirt to the side, then unbuckling his belt to take off his pants.

Juliet reaches down to fumble with the clasp on her heel, but Chan stops her before she can unhook it.

“Leave them on,” he commands gently, causing a pleasant shiver to run down her spine, “they look gorgeous on you.”

Adrenaline flows through her veins as he steps closer, stroking his painfully hard cock several times before nudging the leaking tip against her clit. She moans when he drags his tip along her folds, coating his length with her slick arousal; she attempts sending him a silent signal to hurry up by wriggling her hips, but with an infuriating smirk he holds them still while continuing with his teasing.

“Baby, wait,” he says suddenly, and she blinks up at him expectantly, “do you want me to get a condom?”

Juliet gestures for him to lean in, a blush appearing on his cheeks when she drapes her arms over his shoulders to bring him even closer until their faces are almost touching. “It’s okay,” she purrs, satisfaction filling her as the blush spreads to the tips of his ears, “wanna feel all of you tonight.”

Knowing she’s on birth control, he doesn’t need additional convincing. While they usually still prefer to use condoms to be extra safe, on rare occasions they’ll indulge in forgoing one, and what’s a birthday without a little indulgence?

He groans as her walls clench around the head of his cock the moment it slips inside her entrance, her previous orgasm allowing him to smoothly push into her inch by inch. His arms hook around her thighs to wrap them around his waist, bottoming out and causing a high-pitched whine to erupt from her throat from how his pelvis brushes against her clit.

“Move,” Juliet demands, but flutters her lashes at Chan when he gives her a knowing look, “please?”

“That’s more like it, baby,” he coos, dragging his cock almost halfway out before slamming back into her, the thrust so powerful that her body would’ve shifted up the counter if his hands weren’t firmly pinning her hips down to stop her from moving. “Keep those legs wrapped around me, okay?”

She can only let out another whine in response as she obliges, crossing her ankles over his lower back as he builds his pace, tears dripping down her cheeks from being so stretched out in the best way possible. Cries of his name spill from her lips and her hips desperately try to match his speed.

“You feel so good, baby. So perfect for me,” Chan praises, burying his head in her neck and wrapping his lips around the sensitive spot behind her ear, and instinctively she tilts her head back to give him more access. “Love you so, so much, gonna give you the world, I promise.”

Before she can respond, a loud, utterly sinful mewl spills from her lips as he angles his hips differently to deliver another sharp thrust. “Fuck—me too, Channie, I love you so much.” Her legs tighten around his waist, causing her heels to dig into his skin. “F-Feels s-s-so—”

“Yeah? How does it feel, baby? Tell me,” he urges, now looking down at her with a playful glint in his eyes, “use your words like a good girl.”

It’s easier said than done when he’s jamming his hips into hers like this, each precise thrust smashing his cock into the pliant spot that makes all logical thought vacate her mind. Her nails leave faint pink scratches down his arms and back as she clings to him, the only thing anchoring her amidst the bliss she’s floating in.

“Too fucked out to speak?” Chan mocks, and she feels herself gushing around him even more at his tone. “I’m nowhere done with you tonight, angel. C’mon, you can do it.”

“Fe-feels amazing,” Juliet gasps out, choking on her own moans, “feel s-so good inside me, Channie. L-Love when you fuck me…”

He smiles and rests his forehead on hers to gaze deeply into her eyes. “Good girl. Will you come for me, pretty baby?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” she chants breathlessly, the pressure in her stomach building as he shows no signs of slowing down, aiming his thrusts into her sweet spot until stars dance across her vision. “Fuck, don’t stop, please don’t stop—”

Her eyes roll to the back of her head when she feels his thumb gently pressing on her clit, swollen and begging for attention, before rubbing firm circles that have her falling apart, the intense pleasure finally exploding through her body as she trembles beneath him.

Smashing his lips against hers, Chan swallows the broken sobs of his name as she rides out her third orgasm of the night, the fluttering of her warm walls around his length bringing him closer to his own release.

Once her breathing evens and her body begins to relax, he carefully pulls out of her spent cunt, his still-hard cock slapping against his abs and glistening with her cum. “Princess, you’re so beautiful, and you did so well for me,” he coos, gentle fingers parting her soaked folds so he can better admire the slick dripping from her entrance.

Juliet can only manage a whimper in response, still dazed from the intense yet satisfying orgasm that she’s now putty under his touch. Her pliant state allows him to hook his arms around her legs to push them up, resting her ankles on his shoulders with her knees practically pressed to her chest.

“Fuck,” she gasps when she feels him enter her once again, burying his cock all the way to the base with ease as her core clenches around him. The new position has him reaching even deeper inside her, and she can’t help her loud cries as a new wave of pleasure washes over her. “Channie, it’s so much, you’re so d-deep, oh my God—”

“Just a little more,” he says, resuming his merciless thrusts as she whimpers and wails at the overstimulation, “you just feel so perfect, baby. Gonna make me come so hard...”

Heat prickles at her cheeks from the wet noises that bounce off the kitchen walls, and she wouldn’t be at all surprised if a small puddle of her arousal has already formed on the counter. His rhythm falters and his thrusts become sloppier, a clear indication that he’s nearing his high. “Baby, ’m close, where do you want me to—”

“Inside—ngh—inside, Channie, please...”

Her words take a few seconds to sink in, but once they do he goes still and looks at her with widened eyes and flushed cheeks. “W-What?” he asks, worried he totally misheard her.

“Want you to come inside me,” she whispers, face burning as she makes the confession. While there’ve been rare occasions like tonight where they were intimate without protection, he always pulled out to finish on her, but for the longest time she’s wanted to know what it feels like if he didn’t.

He cups her cheek as he watches her face carefully for any sign of hesitation. “Are you sure, baby? Like, positive?”

“I’m sure,” she reassures. “I… I want to know what it feels like, but if you don’t want to I totally understand too—”

His cock throbs against her walls, making both of them moan in unison. “Fuck, of course I want to, I want to so fucking badly, but I really need to make sure you’re okay with it.”

“I want it,” she says earnestly, gazing into his eyes with determination, “wanna feel all of you, Channie.”

The mental image of his release dripping from her has him growing harder than ever before, and he practically whines out his next words. “Then I’ll give it to you, I’ll give you anything you want, baby.”

He barely finishes his sentence before he resumes thrusting, pulling out halfway before snapping his cock into her so roughly that her eyes roll back. The sensitivity in her core is overwhelming in the best way possible, and she knows he’s getting close again from how he clumsily kisses along her neck, his heavy breaths fanning across her skin as he chases his orgasm.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna come,” he babbles, “gonna come inside your pretty cunt and fill you up, okay? You’re mine, right? My pretty baby.”

Chants of ‘yours’ spill from Juliet’s lips endlessly until he tips over the edge, and his hips stutter as he comes inside her, the kitchen resounding with their moans while thick, warm ropes of his release paint her walls.

He can’t stop. Low groans leave him as he continues thrusting weakly to ride out the rest of his high, his cock throbbing against her sweet spot as her core squeezes around him to milk him dry. She feels so unbelievably full and sated, the only thing on their minds being the sinful sounds of his cum being pushed back into her with every shallow thrust.

“Channie,” she whimpers, gently running her nails along his broad, muscular back, “there’s so much, you came so much… feels so good…”

He lifts his head from her shoulder, hair falling over his eyes as he gives her a grin. “It’s all for you, princess,” he coos, pressing himself deep inside her again to hear her gasp, “and you’re taking it all so well. Always so perfect for me, my good girl.”

Giggling, she pulls him in closer to kiss him sweetly. “I love you, I love you so much.”

“I love you more,” he insists as he helps her let down her sore thighs so he can massage them. “Happy Birthday, my love.”

“Thank you, baby. So…” she trails off teasingly, twirling his necklace around her finger, “what now?”

“Oh, I’m not done with you yet.”

Juliet guesses that hours have passed. She’s not sure, but it certainly feels like it from just how many times he’s made her come. Neither of them are able to keep their hands off each other—as soon as they’re done catching their breaths, she’s bent or flipped into a new position so they can go for yet another round.

Everything feels so wet too; their combined releases are dripping out of her and onto his lap as he fucks her senseless, bouncing her on his cock like it’s the only thing she’s meant to do. Their lips—currently locked in a messy, desperate kiss—are swollen and glossy, but they can’t bring themselves to care.

“Feeling good, baby?” Chan asks breathlessly, holding her tear-stained cheek as he thrusts up sharply to pull another whine from her.

His question barely registers in her fuzzy mind, the experienced rolls of his hips reducing her brain to a pile of mush until the only word she knows for certain is his name. “Good, s’good, amazing,” she finally slurs, hardly coherent in her blissed-out state.

“Yeah? You feel me in here, princess?” His palm rests over her lower stomach and lightly presses down for emphasis, and the resulting moan she lets out has his cock twitching against her sweet spot, the sensation making him hiss as he clutches her waist tighter.

Juliet sighs contentedly. “Mm… feels s’full, you’re so big, Channie.” Her words encourage him to go faster and harder, driving his cock into her cunt over and over again while nipping at her neck to ease the tension.

“You feel so perfect too, baby, so soft and warm, and so fucking wet,” he smiles at the whimper she lets out from the praise, “you’re always so good to me. Wanna make my pretty baby feel this good forever, will you let me?”

“Yesyesyesyes—fuck, Channie, I think ’m close again, wanna come so bad. More, wan’ more,…”

His hand moves from her cheek to her chest, pinching and rolling the hardened nipples between his fingers. “Then come, come for me whenever you want.”

Arching into his touch, her pleas for him not to stop fill the bedroom as pressure builds in her gut, a telltale sign that another mind-numbing orgasm is just around the corner. When his hand finally finds her clit and starts rubbing the way he knows she likes, her body tenses, lips parting in a silent scream as the intense pleasure crashes down on her.

“Baby, look at me,” he coos, gently tapping her cheek until her eyes flutter open. “That’s my girl, want you to look at me when I make you come.”

Her hazy, unfocused eyes meet his twinkling ones, and despite the overwhelming ecstasy that consumes her body, the clear tenderness and affection he communicates through his gaze and the way he holds her warms her heart. Thighs twitching with the intensity of her release, Juliet leans in to kiss him, her tongue shyly playing with his while the aftershocks rack through her body.

“There you go, there you go,” Chan mumbles sweetly against her lips as he talks her through her orgasm, “you’re doing so, so well, baby. Remember to breathe too, okay? Such a pretty girl, and all for me. God, I love you so much, you know that? Gonna make sure you’ll be dripping with my cum for days—”

His pace grows erratic with his approaching orgasm, and with a few more thrusts he empties his fourth load into her, muffling his moans into her shoulder. His release filling her spasming core prolongs her bliss as he continues whispering praises into her skin, weakly rocking his hips to ride out the rest of his high.

Collapsed into each other’s arms, they both spend the next several minutes catching their breaths with him still buried inside her. Once he’s regained some energy, he carefully helps her off him and turns her around rather than laying her on the bed. It doesn’t take long for her to realise his intentions.

“Channie,” she whimpers as she locks eyes with him through the full-length mirror in front of them. “Wh—”

“Want you to look at yourself,” he says, pressing a kiss to her temple, “see how pretty you look all ruined like this.”

The sight before her is filthy—her sitting on his lap with her thighs spread over his again, only this time they’re both facing the mirror. Their hair is messy from the past few hours, and their bodies are completely covered in marks from each other. She flushes at their new position that gives them a clear view of her sore, swollen cunt.

His fingers gently spread her folds apart, and they watch with lust-filled eyes as his cum begins seeping out of her entrance, mixing with her own release. She lets out a high-pitched squeal when he drags his fingers along her folds, thighs closing around his hand before he holds them apart with a firm grip.

“So messy,” Chan coos, spreading their release all over her core, “my messy girl.” The smirk on his face is smug and unfairly attractive as he rubs the slick on her sensitive clit, and her core clenches around nothing as moans escape her lips, causing more of his cum to leak out of her.

Immediately, his fingers collect the creamy liquid before pushing it back into her. “Take it all, okay, baby?” he murmurs sweetly. “It’s all for you, need to keep it inside like a good girl.” Choking out an overwhelmed sob, Juliet nods as her body trembles in his arms from the pleasurable overstimulation, letting him continue to play with her cunt until one last orgasm takes over.

“Fuck, you’re incredible, baby. You’re so hot, you did so, so well for me. ’m so proud of you…” The praises spilling from his lips are endless as he helps her ride it out, and with a shaky breath she leans back into his broad chest, completely fucked out and satiated.

Carefully, he lays her down on the bed, making sure she’s comfortable before pressing kisses to everywhere his lips can reach while his hands massage her tired thighs. “My love, how do you feel?”

His heart skips a beat when despite her physical exhaustion, she giggles and smiles up at him with sparkling eyes like he just brought her the moon. “Feeling like I just had the best birthday of my life.”

“Hearing that makes me so happy, you have no idea,” Chan tells her fondly. “I’ll go get a towel for us and run a bath, okay?”

A small frown appears on his face when she wordlessly gives his arm a tug, but it disappears the second he realises what she wants, and he flops down on the mattress next to her with a soft grunt. Juliet lets out a satisfied hum, immediately nestling up against his side to savour his warmth.

“Later,” she mumbles, nuzzling her face into his chest, “let’s stay like this for a while first.”

He presses a kiss to the top of her head, his arm draping over her waist at the same time to keep her close. How is he supposed to say ‘no’ to that?

*hides* they’re so filthyyyyyy oml 🧎🏻‍♀️ straight up bunnies

again, your warm reminder that this is all purely fictional so practise safe sex irl please!!!!!

if you liked this, let me know what you think or feel free to send more chanliet thoughts/asks hehe <3

HARI'S INFAMOUS ALLKPOP HEADLINES

IB: @plasticflwrs (others too! i just saw theirs and finally decided to do it)

TAGLIST (send an ask or fill out this form to be a part of the taglist + bold cannot be tagged):

@ateezjuliet . @moonlight-additions . @pinkbrries. @justmochi . @enhacolor . @allthings-fandoms . @mingis-wrld . @itzy-eve . @zwiehe . @sxeetmelody . @nvmbheart . @magical-spit . @smoooore . @cosmicwintr . @fairiepoems . @lillijay . @peppercane . @hazedaze . @aysxldea . @soulphoenix1618 . @angie-x3 .

rare chanliet edit from me bc this shit took so long </3

hello im the 🌚 anon it's time to be loud and proud about being a julie lover

i made this last year RIGHT when tumblr stopped sending media as anon asks

tbh i think san wld send this on their gc and hongjoong and julie wld be like 😦🤨

also sending u forehead kisses rn (if youre okay w it<3)

hi bby 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹💗💗💗💗💗💗

HOW DO I JUJU ON THAT BEAT HELP 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 BBY I LOVE THIS SO MUCH IM ACTUALLY GIGGLING RN and ur so right omg i feel like san or hwa would send this hehe since hwa likes making memes of himself 😭 that pic of her is so cute too </3 her eyes </3 very “do you have games on your phone” coded

giving u all the forehead kisses right back bc ily 💗💗🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 thank u for blessing me with this creation hehe i love it n i love u!!!!!!

happy with you

masterlist | chanliet files

date: july 2022

word count: 0.9k

warning(s) / includes: seojun yet again bc he’s still a toxic jerk (context), arguing (not between chanliet), swearing, kissing (please lmk if i missed anything!)

Perhaps Chan was right to insist on waiting right outside her dressing room before she gently shoved him away, reassuring him she’d be okay and that he should look around for clothes he liked as well, because she’s never struggled with putting on a dress so badly in her life.

The button closures on the back look gorgeous and the dress really wouldn’t be the same without them, but she’s this close to assembling a group of engineers to figure this out.

As she pulls her phone out of her bag to text Chan for help, a heated conversation between a couple happening nearby draws her attention.

“Did that girl just ask for your number?”

“Will you stop overreacting? Am I not allowed to have female friends now?”

Juliet’s body tenses at the all too familiar voice. It’s been more than three years since everything happened, but some nights—when she happens to be in a more vulnerable state—that same voice haunts her dreams and has her eyes snapping open with panic.

“Cut the bullshit, she’s clearly not trying to be ‘friends’ and you know it, but you just let it happen time and time again!”

“Can you stop making a scene? People are staring!” the male voice hisses.

“Then can you start setting some boundaries because you have a girlfriend?”

“You’re so fucking dramatic. Whenever I take you out on a nice date, you keep finding ways to ruin the night.” His words act like a time machine, instantly transporting her mind back to the past.

God, Dahee was right: You’re so fucking dramatic. Just go, Minyoung-ah. You’re making a scene and I need to memorise this choreo by 11. We’re over, so leave me alone.

There’s not a sliver of doubt in her mind now—it’s him, it has to be, and it’s infuriating to see he’s still the horrible person he was when he ruthlessly broke her heart and left her questioning everything that spring night.

Seething, Juliet stuffs her phone back into her bag, ready to burst out of her dressing room to give Kim Seojun a piece of her mind. As she reaches for the door handle, a gentle knock stops her in her tracks.

“Minnie, is everything okay in there?” Shoulders slumping in relief, she immediately opens the door to reveal Chan’s smiling face. The sight of her loving boyfriend floods her every cell with warmth, and for a moment the whole world melts away, insignificant compared to him.

“Wow,” he breathes out, eyes wide with awe as he guides her to take several steps forward to get a better look, “you look beautiful, angel. This dress looks incredible on you.”

Heat rushes to her cheeks and tints them a rosy shade of pink. “Thank you, I think I’ll need some help with the back though.”

Playfully, he shakes his head in mock disapproval. “See? I told you you might need my help!”

“I didn’t know this dress was designed by rocket scientists!”

Suddenly realising the other couple had abruptly gone silent, her eyes drift over Chan’s shoulder to find Seojun already staring at her, his expression unreadable. Chan, sensing the switch in her demeanour, turns to look in the same direction, his smile dropping in a split second when he realises that his suspicions were right. He knew the man looked familiar when he came into the dressing area—it’s Kim Seojun.

The atmosphere is uncomfortable as the two couples remain silent and unmoving, no one knowing what to do. Finally, Seojun’s girlfriend scoffs, casting a venomous glare at him before turning on her heel and storming out of the room.

Instead of chasing after her, he remains, and Juliet feels Chan’s hold on her hand tighten, anchoring her to show his silent support.

“Is there a problem?” Chan asks, his voice so uncharacteristically cold that for a moment even she has a hard time believing those words came from him.

Seojun’s gaze moves away from him to lock eyes with her almost challengingly, and yet she doesn’t feel an ounce of fear. It’s comforting to know that she’s grown a lot stronger since that night, no longer the same 17-year-old whose heart was shattered by someone who never deserved her to begin with.

So she doesn’t break eye contact and stares back blankly. The minutes seem to drag on until he finally looks away, clearing his throat uneasily before stalking out without another word, and she doesn’t feel bad at all for the sense of victory that fills her.

Chan reaches for both her hands as he moves to stand in front of her. His attentive eyes repeatedly scan over her face, checking for any sign of distress. “Love, are you okay?” he whispers.

His frown relaxes as she gives him a reassuring smile and gently squeezes his hands, his worry dissipating. “I’m okay, Channie. I feel great, actually. Not gonna lie, I was a little scared when I first heard his voice next door, but after seeing how he hasn’t changed at all over the past few years? I realised I have nothing to be afraid of: I’m happy and healthy, and he’s still… well, he’s still him.”

He grins as he cups her cheeks to squish them affectionately. “My brave baby,” he coos, earning a giggle from her, “you did so, so well. I’m so proud of you.”

She leans in to peck his lips. “Thank you, really. I definitely got some extra bravery because my amazing, wonderful, phenomenal, incredible boyfriend is here with me.”

“Hey, stop,” he whines, “now I’m blushing. This moment’s supposed to be about you!”

“Well, I couldn’t do it without you,” Juliet defends, smiling so widely it feels as though the corners of her lips stretch from ear to ear. “Now, are you going to help me with this dress or not?”

“Always at your service, milady.”

if you enjoyed this, i’d love to hear your thoughts <3

taglist: @moonlight-additions @shinyddeonghwa @skzfairies @bat-shark-repellant @1-800-minji @atinymonster @mythicalamphitrite @slytherinthedms @atzaria @yunascular @ggukkiedae @one16core @m00niesk7 @mocheesekimbap @utopiakys @mingis-wrld @slytherinseulgi @billboard-singer @txt-yaomi @stopeatread @kittiverse @still-astray @hyunmijung @jichukimsstuff @linsyeuxlili @cafemilk-tea @lightaflme @justmochi @fromfreesia @taestrwbrry @alixnsuperstxr @peachyaeger @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @fairiepoems @angie-x3 @satsuri3su @allthings-fandoms (feel free to send an ask/dm to be on/off the taglist <3)

eve’s masterlist // articles

KQ Entertainment Confirms Relationship Between ATEEZ’s San and ITZY’s Eve

On March 4, 2024, Dispatch released an article detailing ITZY member Eve’s fued with her former company, JYP Entertainment. In that article, the idol’s relationship with ATEEZ’s San was mentioned.

Following the article, his agency KQ Entertainment confirmed the news, saying that “the two idols have been meeting each other with warm hearts.”

©️ kim nabi

Migraine from Hell

❒ pairing - evelyn x mingyu

❒ word count - 0.8K

❒ synopsis - in which mingyu takes care of evelyn while she’s under the weather

🏷️ taglist - @justmochi @ateezjuliet @itzynabi @cosmicwintr @billboard-singer @kimhyejin3108 @cixrosie @enhacolor @allthings-fandoms @mingis-wrld @kmgfeels @peachyaeger @choihaneul @angie-x3 @aysxldea @alixnsuperstxr

✨ feel free to send in an ask/dm if you’d like to be added to evie/anna’s taglist

Evelyn wrinkled her nose in her sleep when the faintest feather-like touch brushed past the tip, fluttering her eyes open in confusion when the back of a hand had pressed gently against her forehead and then down to her cheek. She squinted her eyes from the dimmed lighting, her head feeling like it was being whacked around repeatedly with a hammer.

“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Mingyu’s voice was just above a whisper, smoothing down her hair as he spoke quietly to her. He was crouched down in front of the couch, Evelyn’s temporary bed as she napped for practically the entire day. He frowned at the sight of her pinkish cheeks, rubbing his thumb over the skin gently, “You’re still burning up.”

Evelyn leaned into his hand, pressing her eyes closed tightly as another pulse from her migraine coursed throughout her head in subtle waves. She was unfortunately cursed with having migraines more often from the genetics of her mother’s side of the family, all the while catching a cold from god knows where. She brought one of her hands up to shield her eyes from the light, as she peeked one eye open at him.

“What time is it?” It came out more mumbled together than she would’ve liked but she couldn’t help it.

“It’s almost midnight.”

He leaned back on his feet to press up from his spot on the floor, grabbing her medicine and a bottle of water from the kitchen before making his way back over to her. She grimaced when she saw the medicine bottle in his hand, scrunching her face up in disgust watching him pour the thick liquid into the little plastic measuring cup slowly to not spill any. She had unfortunately run out of the pill form of cold medicine and was left at the hands of the liquid form.

“Ugh that stuff is so gross,” She whined, sitting up and taking the cup from him, putting it to her lips and tilting her head back to let it drain into her mouth. She swallowed the medicine quickly, handing him the cup back and grabbing the water bottle to wash away the bitter taste.

“But it’ll help you get better faster,” He pouted his lips in sympathy, grabbing her by the hand and kissing her knuckles, reeling back on his heels to drop the medicine off on the counter and tossing the cup into the sink to deal with in the morning.

Evelyn threw her arms above her head, twisting her body around to crack her back. She looked over to where Winnie’s bed was, frowning when she didn’t see the puppy anywhere in sight. Bleu was also strangely not up on her perch looking out of the window or walking around the apartment with her mantra of meows.

“Where’re the babies at?”

“Winnie is being looked after by Seungkwan and Bleu is over with Wonwoo so you wouldn’t have to worry about them while being unwell,” He wandered back into the living room, sliding in beside her on the couch and pulling her in towards his chest, the two of them falling against the back of the couch.

A hum left her lips as she snuggled into his warm body wanting nothing more than to fall back into a deep sleep. Mingyu pressed a kiss on the top of her head, taking notice of her eyes falling shut.

“C’mon sleepy girl,” Mingyu giggled as Evelyn tried to wrap her limbs around his body, “Let’s lay in our actual bed.”

He slithered out from her grasp, holding his hand out for her to take

“Carry me,” She pouted her lips out, holding her arms up in a silent beg. If she was being honest, walking to the bed felt like such a chore and she would have rathered to stay in her spot on the couch, but also knew that her back would be in such pain in the morning.

“Come here my little baby.”

Mingyu scooped her up into his arms, one arm holding underneath her knees and the other firmly holding against her back. He used his elbow to shut off the light switch before making their way down the hallway into the bedroom. He knew her bedroom like the back of his hand and found the bed without having to turn on a light, not wanting to worsen Evelyn’s headache anymore than it already was.

He laid her gently on her side of the bed, pulling the covers over top of her body, pressing another kiss to her forehead. His hand instinctively came forward and caressed the side of her face, Evelyn’s eyes already falling close from the medicine and just pure exhaustion. Mingyu stripped down to just his boxers, slipping in beside Evelyn on his claimed side of the bed. And like it was instinct, Evelyn turned onto her side and wiggled until she was smack against Mingyu’s body, cuddling him until she fell into complete sleepiness.

midnight rain | lsm

pairing: seokmin x f!reader genre: angst, smut, a little bit of fluff word count: 17k summary: after seven years away, you finally return home. meeting seokmin again wasn't in your plans, but life wasn't willing to let you have it your way. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, oral, swearing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don't do this) a/n: this is part of 1k event, it was requested the dearest @ressonancee. but also, it's part of svt ans songs from midnights. i just wrote two in one and something that was supposed to be short became this monster. i hope i wrote seokmin in a way you'll like it. prompt: “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do." Seokmin ➝ Midnight Rain He was sunshine, I was midnight rain ↳ it was the oldest story in the world, the bright boy fell for the grumpy girl.

Letter #1

Seokmin,

You know, I've always been very proud of not being a very attached person. I've always been proud that I can put myself first and second, because I know I need to do it, because I know that no one else will do it for me. So, when I came here and dropped everything I had, I thought it would be a lot easier than it actually is.

When I turn around in bed at night, after days of trying to get used to the time zone and weeks to the weather and the people here — which are both bad and for completely different reasons, nothing is like in the movies — I always hope to find you there by my side and being able to snuggle up to you like I always did. I wake up in the morning and make enough coffee for two people and take two mugs out of the cupboard, and only then do I realize I'm alone here. I don't need two mugs and I made too much coffee. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I find myself typing your number, which I have memorized despite the fact that no one remembers phone numbers, because phones exist for a reason.

You have no idea how much I miss you and what I would do to be able to hear your voice again. I would do anything, I swear I could. But I know I no longer have that right. I know that what I did is unforgivable and although I want your forgiveness, I hope you never forget what I did to you.

You were still good to me on the last day. You took me to the airport, you said goodbye to me, you hugged me tight like you know I like it and you did your best not to shed a tear in front of me.

Every now and then I catch myself thinking that I messed up. I could have done my master's where we graduated, I didn't need to move to the other side of the world and leave the life I knew behind. But at the same time, I accept it. Coming here was my dream, it was always what I dreamed of even when you were by my side as well. And maybe that's why I never told you about the application, about being approved. Maybe I waited until the end, until the very last second to tell you because I knew you were the only one capable of changing my mind.

When I was by your side, I started to dream of a different life, a life that had you at all times and in all aspects. But, as you may have already noticed, I chose my first dream.

I know I won't regret it. I can't afford to regret it. You’ll become who you always wanted to be and I’ll be there to give you a standing ovation. Not there, next to you, but from afar.

yn 

“That was Sunday Morning, by Hong Joshua. Ah, whenever I hear this song I remember my college days. I've said this here a few times, and I think I sound like a broken record by this point, but Joshua and I went to the same college and he was always singing this song in the hallways. Any small gathering between friends he would pull out the guitar and sing. So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen to this song at least once a week for the next year. Or until he releases the next one.”

Seokmin looked at the monitor to his right as a pre-recorded commercial for the next show started. The comments were going up too quickly, which made reading them an almost impossible mission.

On the other side of the glass, Chan made a sign indicating that the commercial was over. Seokmin looked at his friend as he lowered one finger after another and finally pointed at him. Chan placed a sheet of paper, which was always used, against the glass, which said “last, chat”. Indicating that he still had one more question to answer.

“We have time for one more question” Seokmin said, opening the internal chat he used with the other radio employees and read the question that Chan had sent “I ended a relationship of almost four years a few months ago, but I still can't understand what happened. I haven't even returned his things yet. How do I get in touch saying I want to return it?”

Seokmin swallowed. He knew that Chan hadn't done it on purpose, that he had no way of knowing everything that had happened between him and you, but he hated how much the question resonated in his head. It was a feeling he shared and for him it had been a little worse because you lived together during your last year of college. So when he entered the house and saw all the furniture, the decorations, your clothes still in the closet, it was like entering a time machine. In that 30 square meter space, for a few minutes, you still hadn't left.

He took a deep breath, away from the microphone so the sound wouldn't be picked, and leaned forward.

“It's a difficult question, really. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't picked his things up, it's because he doesn't need them, so I don't think you should bother contacting him. Hmmm”

He bit his lip and rested his elbows on the table, thinking if he should continue talking or if it would be better to stop there. Seokmin always thought it was better not to let personal feelings show on the radio, but he had moments when he couldn't follow his own rules.

“I can tell you from experience that sometimes silence is better. Because if you know the truth, it could hurt you even more. When I was in a similar situation, after a while I simply discarded the person's belongings. At first, it will be difficult, because you’ll see that shirt you gave as a gift, that letter you wrote and remember what it meant, the moment you gave those things to him. But little by little you will achieve it. Don't feel obligated to just move on when you're not ready. People will always tell you that it's about time, that it's been so many weeks or months. You’re the one who knows about your feelings.”

Chan knocked on the glass again, almost desperate because Seokmin's answer had been too long. It wasn't the first time he had gotten lost in what he was saying and maybe had been talking in circles. It always happened that he remembered you when he answered a question.

And in that specific question he was being a hypocrite because he knew that if he opened his closet, deep inside it, he would find at least two boxes full of your things hidden. He rarely went near those boxes, he liked to pretend they didn't exist and most days he managed to achieve that thought. But there were other days…

“So we come to the end of another Cupid's Corner with Minnie. See you again next week. Cupid’s Corner with Minnie: Unveiling Love’s Melody, One Relationship at a Time!”

Seokmin removed his headphones, stood up, and waved at the cameras he knew were pointed at him. He grabbed his phone and the bottle of water he always carried with him. The red light above the door finally went out and Seokmin left the studio.

Immediately, Chan appeared beside him. He had just gone blond, and it strangely suited him.

He knew the youngest was desperate, not that he was doing a good job of hiding it. The disheveled hair, pointing in all directions, also helped a lot.

“You’re going to have a heart attack if you continue like this” Seokmin said laughing.

Chan was the newest employee, handpicked by Seokmin a few months before. Seokmin needed someone to help him organize the broadcasts after his previous assistant quit because she had gotten a job in the field she had studied. Seokmin even talked to her and offered a higher salary that would come out of his own pocket, but nothing seemed to help. Not that he blamed her, in her place he would have done the same thing. But in the position he was in, changes made him uncomfortable so he did what he could to make sure everything stayed the same.

Maybe it was trauma.

“It’s because they yell at me, not you.”

One of the reasons Seokmin chose Chan as his new assistant was his sincerity. In the middle of the interview he “I think there are things in your program that need to change” and started listing things that he thought were dated or ideas that had been used too much and therefore didn't have the same effect on listeners. The others had found him presumptuous as if he wanted to know more than those who worked at the radio. Seokmin disagreed and that's how Chan got the job.

“They yell at you because you’re the new guy, no one yelled at Jiah”

Chan made a sound in the back of his throat, like a scoff.

“That's because everyone was afraid of her” Seokmin rolled his eyes and reached for the folder Chan was carrying “Oh, right. Tomorrow is your lecture for the communication classes, but they said it is possible that students from other courses will also be there, because it’llll be in the auditorium”

Seokmin nodded, reading the guidelines Chan had made. He needed to admit that he was organized and had absolute control over everything he did. He was sure that if he asked about Wonwoo's program, Chan would know how to answer as if he worked directly with him.

“You know how it is, I have fans” Chan pretended to vomit “If you go tomorrow, we’ll go out to dinner later, I’ll pay”

"Deal"

Seokmin always found it strange to be called to give lectures at the college where he studied. He wasn't a teacher and he didn't think he had done enough to be someone who could give advice to someone. In fact, Seokmin was sure he hadn't done anything big. His life, to put it very simply, was flat. At least, almost all of his life.

Seokmin has always been the type of guy who makes plans and follows through on those plans. When he was sixteen he got it into his head that he wanted to work in radio. It wasn't without reasons, of course. He joined the school radio and despite doing very little, because the school director had to know everything that would be done, even the nouns he would use in the sentence, he fell in love with the idea. That's why he decided he should study journalism in college, that way even if his radio career didn't work out, he would still have a profession.

But his dream was to work on a radio, to have his own program. So that's what he did.

He entered college as planned, sunk into student debt, and graduated exactly as he had planned. In his last semester, he got an internship at the biggest radio station in the country. He was on cloud nine. It was as if he had received the green light in life and everything was on the right track.

At least that's what he thought. At least that was what he had forced himself to believe. The internship became a permanent position and one day he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's why he never felt prepared to give anyone advice. Despite having decided on the career he wanted to pursue, he knew that he also needed to count on a little luck and help. The only words he could offer were “you work hard, study, make contacts, and throw the rest into luck’s hands”. It wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to hear when he was a student looking forward to the future, so he certainly wouldn't say it to anyone.

However, Chan convinced him that it would be a good idea to give the talk.

“You’re going to tell me how you got here, that’s all. An unknown face who quickly went on air to cover someone for one of the most beloved radio broadcasters in the country. I'm sure if you say that shit fell on your head, they'll like it” Chan had said laughing.

Overall the lecture went very well. Better than expected. He answered the questions as honestly as possible and used his best smile to get rid of the more awkward questions.

Despite the good day, he knew he didn't want to repeat the dose anytime soon.

“They want to know if you would be willing to do one of these a semester” Chan whispered because he knew the answer Seokmin would give, so it was better for the students not to hear.

“No” was all Seokmin said “But I’ll still buy you dinner”

Chan punched the air in celebration, catching the eyes of those around him, but he seemed to care very little.

"I just…"

What Seokmin was about to say, an announcement that he needed to go to the bathroom, died in his throat as he looked straight ahead.

Letter #2

Seokmin,

I thought I would be able to adapt faster here. It was very hard in the beginning with transport, getting around in general was very difficult. So I chose a weekend and went walking around the neighborhood where I live. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I thought I should check it out. Besides, I can wake up in the middle of the night and decide that I want to eat something that I don't have at home, so it's good to know if there are any stores or markets that open in the middle of the night (in this neighborhood there aren't any, maybe that's why I won’t stay here).

I discovered that going out there, although productive, wasn't such a good idea. Nothing wrong happened, I didn't get hit on or someone was rude to me. Quite the contrary, most people pretended they weren't even seeing me. The problem was that everything made me think about you.

I walked by the store that sold a lot of random old things and decided to go in. You know I love filling the house with trinkets. I didn't find anything there that I liked, but I saw that they were selling camera films. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened and all I could think was, I think Seokmin is running out of film, I need to buy more because he will only realize when he doesn't have any left.

I bought it and brought it to the apartment. I opened the door and called your name. It was only later, when I noticed where I was, that it wasn't our apartment, that I realized what I had done.

Even without meaning to, even when I try not to, I find myself looking for you. Everywhere. I go to a restaurant and think about what you would like to eat, I see a dog on the street and I imagine you bending down to pet it. It's not on purpose, I just can't help it. I try, but it's in vain.

I wonder if it will pass. Will this feeling that I succeeded in my career but ruined my personal life disappear or will I feel like this forever — or at least for a good few years?

yn.

It was as if all the air had been ripped from your lungs and there was no way in the world to get you to breathe.

Somehow, some way, Seokmin was standing in front of you, in the middle of the college hallway.

For a moment it was as if you had been transported back in time, to when you were still 22 years old. In another moment you would have simply run up to him and thrown yourself into his arms as if you hadn't spent the whole night clinging to him, as if you hadn't seen each other before classes, as if you hadn't shared the smallest space in the world on the subway for 20 minutes. And your body seemed to remember all of this, like some kind of muscle memory, because you felt like you were being projected forward. Towards him.

You thought Seokmin would talk to you, you were sure he would. But you saw the way his gaze changed, the way it went from complete surprise to a hard look, completely different from anything you had ever seen from him.

In your memory, Seokmin was always brilliant and was always willing to welcome everyone with open arms, even when he felt more shy. You didn’t understand, that look he gave you was completely different from what you imagined could happen.

When you made the decision to return, you knew that there was a possibility of meeting Seokmin, no matter how small it was. You didn't know if he was still friends with the same people, if he still kept in touch with them. You certainly hadn't kept in touch with anyone - except for the two times you talked to Joshua. The possibility existed, but being realistic you knew it was as big as winning the lottery.

Of all the places you thought you could find Seokmin, college was the last one and maybe that was even why you accepted the job. When you were taking the last tests, the ones that would say whether you would graduate at the end of the semester or not, Seokmin was categorical in saying that he would never set foot inside college again. So you thought it was a place he would never go, but there he was. And in your first week, when you needed everything to go well. Not to show that you were ready and that you could do the job, but to reassure yourself that you had made the right choice in accepting the job.

You didn't have time to decide whether to talk to him or not. Seokmin made the decision for both of you. He continued walking as if you weren't there, talking to the boy next to him, laughing. The only indication that he knew who you were was silent once and one that only you could distinguish.

He turned around and left as if nothing had happened.

Was it possible that only you had felt that way? That just your heart had decided it didn't know how to beat, as if a storm was raging inside your body?

You didn't have time to analyze what had just happened. You just forced yourself to take a deep breath and also keep walking as if those brief seconds weren't enough to make your entire world turn completely upside down.

Seokmin dragged his feet into the room, tripping over the rug at the foot of the bed. A curse came out of his mouth, followed by a burp. When he invited Chan to dinner he had no intention of ending the night drunk, being carried home like someone who had just had his first drink.

It had been years since he had gotten that bad and it was comical that the previous occasion was also connected to you.

The memory of leaving you at the airport, on a flight in the middle of the night, was still vivid in Seokmin's mind. Worse than that memory, was the one of you telling him that you had gotten a place in a master's degree on the other side of the world, 18 hours before leaving the country.

“I need to tell you something” you said as he pulled his coat over his head and patted his pockets, making sure he had grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, he was already late.

Seokmin had plans to ask you to marry him. He had rented a house where you could spend the weekend, where it would be possible to see the stars. He had prepared himself, but he needed to leave right that second so he would have enough time to go to the house, get everything ready and come back to get you. The owner of the house would help him, since Seokmin decided that he wouldn't tell any of his friends because they might just ruin the surprise.

“I'm already late” he said, quickly looking at his watch. "Did something happen?"

He asked, noticing your already somewhat desperate look. He knew that whatever had happened couldn't be good.

To be honest, he had noticed that something was wrong a few weeks before, and for a while, he decided it would be better not to get into it too much. He knew you well enough to know that you would offer the information when you felt ready to do so. But thinking back on everything, he wished he had asked before, he wished he hadn't given you space, he wished he had forced you to talk to him sooner.

“I passed my master’s degree abroad”

Seokmin’s first reaction was to be happy for you. He knew how much you wanted that, that it was your dream. So he did what any boyfriend would do, he hugged you and congratulated you, told you that you had tried so hard and that they would be idiots not to accept you. The feeling was true and his smile was genuine. He was happy for you.

Knowing what he knew, every now and then Seokmin wondered if he would have done anything differently if he knew what the next words would be out of your mouth. He could have made a fuss, he could have begged you to stay, he could have offered to go with you. But at the time he didn't do any of that.

“I’m leaving today, I need to be at the airport at 11 pm”

Seokmin's ears rang deafeningly. It was as if he had been punched and needed to brace himself against something. The sofa was the closest piece of furniture.

He thought he heard it wrong, he wished he was dreaming, but all he had to do was look at you. It was true. It was as if a puzzle was being completed in Seokmin's mind. The way you had suddenly become distant, how every time he entered the room you hurried to change or close whatever you were looking at on the computer. He didn't even know you signed up. He imagined that you must have done some kind of test, some interview and he didn't even know anything about it.

He had no idea.

Had he been a bad boyfriend, someone who was so focused on making the long-awaited proposal that he had ignored everything else? Or had you hidden it so well that he hadn't noticed?

"What? You’re leaving today?"

It was like the world was spinning too fast and he was trying to keep up with what was happening. It was like being on a roller coaster that kept on falling. He remembered well how the little box with the ring he had carefully chosen weighed in his pocket.

“I didn’t even know you had applied for a position” he whispered, almost just to himself “You didn’t tell me”

And it was at that exact moment, when he looked at you, that Seokmin realized that your relationship was over. You avoided looking at him, your hands were buried deep in the pockets of your coat, which was his. He saw your eyes fill with tears, you swallow hard, and remain silent.

It was unlike you, to stay quiet when you had too many things going through your head. He desperately wanted you to talk to him, to tell him what had been going through your head. He just wanted to understand. Did you believe he would somehow stop you from going? If there was one thing he knew about you, it was the fact that you always put your education first. It wasn't a secret and you didn't want it to be. He just didn't expect things to happen that way.

Seokmin sat in front of the closet, on the floor, and with difficulty opened the doors. Deep in the back, behind several shoe boxes, were two old boxes that he hadn't moved in years. Part of him wished the things inside the boxes were ruined, that they had mold and anything else that could ruin its content. But he had been careful, kept everything in order, taken all necessary precautions, and cleaned the closet periodically.

He ignored the first box and pulled the smaller one towards him, placing it on his bent legs. Seokmin wasn't one to revisit those memories, he liked to keep them as far away from him as possible, but on nights like those, it was impossible.

Seokmin knew what he would find and was sure how he would feel, but he still took the lid off the box, but he didn't dare take out any of the items inside it.

He knew he had reached his lowest point when he was holding on to memories he had of you and not focusing on what was actually happening in his life.

Letter #3

Seokmin,

I talked to Joshua today. Talk is a bit too strong of a word. We exchanged a few words on Instagram. He posted a photo and I liked it, he sent me a DM asking if I was ok and how things were going. I lied, of course. He said everything was fine and he was happy. He didn't talk about you and I didn't ask.

It was very hard to contain myself. I want to know how you are. The more selfish part of my brain wants you to be just as bad as I feel. You know that little demon that sits on our shoulder? He assures me you're even worse. And I hate to think that's the case, but at the same time, I'm sure you're not okay. I know you, we dated for four years, we lived together for almost two years

You were always the more emotional one of the two of us. You were never afraid to show your feelings, not for me or anyone else. You always loved so openly, without any fear. I admit that at first, it scared me a little.

I was an 18-year-old girl who came from a family that had no idea how to show affection, so I was always more reserved in that aspect. And there you were with your beautiful, bright smile, with open arms, affectionate with anyone who came along. I thought you were a crazy person who didn't have the slightest notion of the world. It took a while for me to realize that your world was brighter than mine in ways I couldn't understand.

You were always so untethered, free, showing yourself to anyone who had eyes. When I was closed and more reclusive, you were open and expansive. When I was very shy or reserved, you were more charming and brighter than usual. Not even my worst mood, which seemed endless at times, was a problem for you.

One day you just showed up and decided that you would stay by my side, no matter what. Believe me when I say, I tried to push you away. But with each passing day you were further under my skin.

A kiss at a random party turned into a date at every party, parties became meetings at the college library, which led to coffee dates. One day you decided at the end of each date you had to take me back to the dorms and you kissed me for a long time on the side of the building where no one could see — or at least I made myself believe no one did. Then that alone wasn't enough and you were always with your fingers intertwined with mine, or your arm around my waist. And kisses were no longer reserved for empty streets, of course not. You kissed me anywhere, anytime, no matter who was watching.

You were sneaky, Seokmin.

When I realized it, I was in love with you. Your arms were my refuge. You were my safe space. My home.

yn.

You hated that Seokmin’s reaction, or lack thereof, had gotten to you so much. It was like being punched, and then one more, soon the punch became a beating and to finish with a flourish, it was as if a truck had run over you.

You had plans to go out at the weekend, though alone. Everything was so different, the places you knew no longer existed and friends from the past no longer spoke to you. You would have to rediscover the city without anyone's help. Despite your plans, you couldn't bring yourself to leave the house.

When you decided to return, you knew there would be no way to escape Seokmin. He had become successful not only in his career as a broadcaster but also as a celebrity of sorts. You never imagined you would see his face in magazines or on billboards selling fried chicken. You didn't expect that when you turned on the TV you would see his face in different programs.

In fact, you knew all of that was happening, but somehow you managed to convince yourself that you wouldn't have to see any of it. You managed to make yourself believe that you would not be haunted by his images and voice.

When you were away, you always listened to his programs, more than once each one, but it was almost like a relationship between fan and celebrity. You could separate very well what was him and what was you. But being there, in the same country, in the same city, it was much more difficult to make that separation.

Because once you were back, Seokmin was no longer just the radio host with a show about relationships. Far from it. Seokmin was your college sweetheart, the guy whose heart you broke but who, even after seven years, was still in love with.

That was the reality. you were still in love with him. There was no relationship in the world, no man in the world, that would have made you forget about Seokmin. Sometimes it worked, sometimes you managed to forget about him for a few months and that feeling of loss, of emptiness, that had settled deep inside your heart became smaller and smaller. And then it would come back full on as if it had never left.

Maybe that was your curse, your punishment for leaving behind someone you could have spent the rest of your life with. And somehow you knew you would have been happy. Or at least a different kind of happiness.

After spending the weekend holed up inside your apartment, after convincing yourself that you needed to prepare for teaching classes and unpacking the move, she decided that on Tuesday night she would explore the city.

Exploring wasn't the right word. You had discovered that one of your favorite restaurants still existed, it had just changed location. And, despite being on the other side of the city and being completely aware that you would have to pay a fortune for a taxi or risk taking the subway alone almost at closing time, you decided to go anyway.

You needed to feel like one thing hadn't changed, or at least still be recognizable.

You heard your name being called a few minutes after sitting down. You raised your head, recognizing the voice, but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Directly in front of you was a woman, with short hair, in her fifties.

“It’s really you!”

You stood up and a second later you were being hugged. Maybe you had gone there for that reason, knowing that there would be someone there who would recognize you. Or at least you hoped there was. And when you were welcomed with open arms by her owner, Niah, you wanted to cry for the first time in a long time.

“Hi” was all you could offer, your voice weak.

You quickly turned your face away, trying to be discreet as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of someone else. Tears were reserved for dark moments in the silence of your apartment, they weren't meant to be seen by people you didn't even know in a crowded restaurant.

“Look how beautiful you look. You haven't been around for so long. Seokmin told us that you had gone abroad to study, but I thought you would come back sooner.”

You just managed to smile, even though it was embarrassing. It was strange to hear his name coming out of someone else's mouth so easily. For years, his name was just an echo in your own mind, almost as if it were a fantasy of yours.

There were days when you managed to convince yourself of this, that Seokmin was nothing more than a dream.

“Are you just visiting or are you back to stay?”

“I'm staying” you said after a second, when you managed to find your voice again “I got a job here, I have nowhere to run”

Niah laughed and hugged you once again, tighter this time.

"Great, that makes me happy. We always miss you” Niah smiled and ran her fingers down your cheeks, brushing away some tears that were stubborn to fall “What do you want to eat? Today it's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift.”

You took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in your throat and the remaining tears.

"What do you recommend?"

The amazing thing about meeting Niah again was that she still acted exactly the same way. She didn't see you as someone who had simply packed a suitcase of clothes and left the country overnight. To Niah you were still that same person from 7 years ago who ate whatever she put in front of. You and Seokmin were always guinea pigs for all the new recipes.

The food was still wonderful, if anything it had just gotten better.

You had a fork halfway to your mouth when you heard the door open, the sound of the bell indicating the entry of a new customer. You almost instinctively turned to look. You choked on your own saliva when your eyes met Seokmin's.

It was as if you were back in the hallway that day. Your heart simply stopped, and the world fell into suspension. For a moment, it was as if you had been transported to the past. You were almost certain that if you looked at the table you would see books open next to the cutlery; you knew that if you looked at Seokmin for another second or two his face would break into the most beautiful smile, he would wave and call your name.

But your illusion shattered into small pieces as his neutral expression contorted into a frown. With the same foot he entered he turned to leave.

“Seokmin!” you called him, getting up from your chair.

Part of you thought he was going to continue out the door, but he stopped. Half of his body was outside the restaurant, the other inside.

“Hurry up and close that door!” Niah said leaving the kitchen “You’re letting out all the heat”

Even with Niah's voice calling him, Seokmin remained standing at the door. You sat back down, but without taking your eyes off him. He didn't know what he expected of him, but he felt an indescribable relief when Niah pulled him by the sleeve of his coat and forced him to sit in front of you.

“The restaurant is packed, so you will have to share a table” she said as she turned her back.

Seokmin shook his head, clearly against sitting there, staying in the restaurant, but he still took off his coat and hung it on the chair before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was clear he was working out, his shoulders had gotten broader and his arms bigger since you last saw each other. You almost laughed at the pose, remembering all the times you had seen him in a similar situation. But this wasn't the time to laugh when everything else was screaming that he was uncomfortable with the situation, that he didn't want to be there.

It didn't take a genius to know that Seokmin wanted nothing to do with you. His reaction to seeing you in the hallway the week before and the way he was looking at you in that moment were enough answers.

You felt like the walls were closing in around you and there wasn't enough air in the room.

What were you thinking when you called his name? What were you thinking when you silently watched Niah pull him inside? Why were you still sitting there?

A waiter who worked with Niah passed by your table and you called him discreetly, not wanting to attract the attention of the restaurant owner.

“Can you wrap everything to go, please?” you turned to Seokmin “You can have the table. I was already leaving”

It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.

Seokmin laughed lowly, scornfully, his sideways smile making the hair on your arms stand on end. In general, Seokmin has always been the type of guy who didn’t lose his cool easily, who would always rather let things go than have any kind of confrontation. But when he really got stressed out or nervous, it took a while for him to calm down again.

You had seen that storm in his eyes very few times in the years you spent together. The last one was when he went to the airport to say goodbye to you. That day the storm was just confusion and pain, you knew you had done that to him. But he sat there in the restaurant, in front of you, in silence while the people around him chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to what was happening between the two of you.

"What it was?" you rolled your eyes.

“Ah, nothing” he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture “It’s just like you to do that”

You narrowed your eyes at the same time you felt your cheeks get hot.

"Do what?"

"Runaway"

Letter #4

Seokmin, 

It took me almost a year to convince myself that it was okay for me to look at social media. I convinced myself that every woman does this, that every now and then we look at our ex-boyfriend's Instagram, just to find out if his new girlfriend is ugly. I've told you this several times, but every female experience is universal.

I wish you were one of those low profile people, who post a picture every 6 months and it's a cut mango on a pretty plate. I wish you hadn't posted so many pictures. But more than anything, I wish I hadn't spent hours and hours looking at the photos. I wish I hadn't been analyzing every photo of you, I wish I hadn't thought “that's a new mole” and wondered which others had appeared since the last time we saw each other.

I had memorized every mole of yours. On your face, on your arms, on your back. On the worst days, when I missed you in a way that almost made me give up everything and go home, I kept remembering each one of them. I tried to remember the sound of your laugh, your voice, how you stroked my hair until I fell asleep when it wasn't a good day.

I keep wondering if one day this feeling will just go away.

It's been a year since I left. I went out with other guys, and I almost dated one of them, but you're always there in the back of my mind, almost comically because even against my will I can't help but compare them to you. I can't help but think that only you know how I like my coffee, how only you know that if I'm in my worst mood, there's no joke in the world that can make me laugh.

I know it's not fair to them. I gave you the chance to get to know me, I allowed you to get closer. I wanted you to come closer to me. Now I wonder if you're doing this for someone other than me.

I like to imagine that you also compare other women to me, that even now that you're dating I stay there, in the back of your mind, making fun of you.

Unfortunately, she's not ugly, but your smile was brighter when I was next to you.

yn.

To say that Seokmin had spent the rest of the week in an envious mood was an understatement. He was stressed and everyone around him soon noticed the change. He really tried not to let his personal life get in the way of his work. It was something he never struggled with. Work was work, what happened when the lights went out and he left the radio should never cross paths with each other. That week, however, it was impossible.

Meeting you at the restaurant caught him off guard. That day in the college hallway had been difficult, but he managed to just keep walking as if nothing had happened. He liked to pretend like he hadn't gone out with Chan right after and drank like there was no tomorrow, like he hadn't opened the boxes he had kept for years and cried while looking at the photos of the two of you together.

He had gone to the restaurant that day because he needed some form of comfort and didn't want to call any of his friends because he knew he would end up telling them everything that happened and would receive advice and words he would rather not hear. The restaurant was the best idea he had. Or maybe the worst possible one.

Maybe he had done it consciously, because he wanted to see you one more time, and wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined you. It wouldn't have been the first time.

In the first few months after you left, Seokmin got into the habit of visiting places he went with you, or places you liked to go alone. It was probably a form of torture, but he liked to imagine it was a way to forget and overcome the breakup. On several of those days, he believed he saw you. He realistically knew it wasn't you, he clearly remembered seeing you get on the plane and waited until it took off to leave the airport.

The worst thing that could have happened to him was you calling for him. Seokmin couldn't help but wonder if he had always reacted that way to you, if your presence was always so great that before he even saw you he knew you were nearby. That day, as soon as he opened the door, before he even saw you sitting there with your eyes wide open, he knew. He knew you were there.

The last thing he expected from you was you saying his name, as if asking him to sit with you, that Niah, knowing how the relationship had ended, would have made him sit in front of you.

Seokmin noticed your discomfort, the way your spine had become a little straighter, the way your eyes were hard and cautious at the same time. Your reaction made him angry. What right did you have to behave that way, as if you were hurt when all the decisions regarding a relationship both of you were in had been made by you?

You were the one who signed up for a master's degree abroad. It was you who never told him about your decision. It was you who kept everything secret, making him believe that the two of you were on the same page and that despite your different goals, you would be able to pursue them together.

Turns out he was wrong, those dreams were just his and didn't include him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked for the thousandth time.

For the first time in a long time, Seokmin was having a hard time hiding how he really felt. That polished, carefully carved mask had fallen. It was a completely atypical day and everyone was able to notice his sudden change in mood. Even Chan, who normally did a great job of ignoring all the problems around him and focusing solely on his work, seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

“It’s really obvious, isn’t it?” Seokmin asked in a low voice and Chan just nodded "And if I pretend it's because of the new segment, will anyone believe it?"

Again, Chan nodded. Since he had started the program, 3 years before, Seokmin would receive calls and speak directly to listeners. Although there were always interactions, those were always done through live chat and email when he received questions or stories from people who were not listening to the program when it was airing.

Seokmin wasn't nervous about the idea, he was actually excited. Chan knew this and knew that whatever the problem was, it was still the same as the day of the lecture. He didn't want to ask, and he didn't want to seem invasive, but he still wanted to make sure Seokmin was okay — or at least, well enough to do the program.

“I think everyone is already thinking that” was a lie and even Seokmin knew it, but he was grateful.

“You may already know this, but today we will start a new segment. We'll call it the heart to heart helpline, at least until we find a better name at least” Seokmin's voice and laugh resonated through the taxi “We'll take your calls and some of you will be able to talk to me and ask your questions live, instead of by chat. Each person will have a maximum of 2 minutes and we will answer 6 calls today”

You had left the house completely willing to avoid anything related to Seokmin. Realistically, you knew you couldn't do anything about the billboards and his face at bus stops, but you could very well avoid his radio show. And for a few weeks you had managed to do just that.

That day at the restaurant had almost been a cathartic moment. Somehow, it was as if something had clicked and fallen into place. The Seokmin you left behind no longer existed. It had been a naive thought to think so. You didn't expect that he would still be exactly the same person, of course not. Seven years had passed and Seokmin, like you, was approaching his thirties. Obviously, many things had changed, but you still expected to see traces of that 22-year-old boy you had known and loved.

You didn't spend more than five minutes with him at that table. And it was much more than enough. He had accused you of running away, of continuing to do this for years. Of course, that could be his view on everything, but it was never your intention. The only problem was that you hadn't been able to tell him those things. You had been so lost and so completely helpless in front of him that you had forgotten that you knew how to speak and form sentences.

You had spent years of your life writing letters to him, letters that he would never read, but that was beside the point. You wrote letters as a way to appease the emptiness you felt in your heart. You never, not for a second, thought you were running away. You never wanted to run away, but Seokmin seemed to believe you did.

In a sudden burst of anger, you took your phone out of your bag and dialed the number Seokmin spoke on the radio. You didn't expect your call to go through. In fact, you didn't even know what you expected.

“Please wait a minute, we will connect your call” a non-robotic voice said as you paid for the taxi.

Seokmin was still chatting animatedly with a listener who didn't have a real question, but who “just wanted to say that I really liked your show and that I’m a fan.” It was impossible not to roll your eyes. If she, and everyone else, knew how much of a complete asshole he could be just because he had the opportunity, they would never want to see his face again.

Or maybe they would team up against you in favor of the immaculate Seokmin. God knew how easily a man could turn public opinion in his favor with a beautiful smile. And God was also a witness that Seokmin's smile was simply wonderful, one that took your breath away, one that made you smile along because it was contagious.

“Welcome to the heart to heart helpline” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your ear “What’s your question?”

You didn't really think that your call would get through to Seokmin, you didn't think the signal would be good enough inside the elevator, but none of that seemed to be a problem.

“Hello, can you hear me?” he asked.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You knew you were going really crazy, but you decided to throw caution out the window and be the crazy person everyone used to believe you were.

“Yes, I’m here” you could have sworn, that even over the phone, you felt Seokmin tense up “It’s a question about an old relationship, we broke up years ago, if that’s okay”

You struggled with your keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible. You needed to get to your computer or tablet, whichever was closer. It was almost a physical necessity to see Seokmin's reaction to your voice, your question.

You always knew how to tell if he was truly calm or if he was masking what he was feeling. You wanted to know if you still had any other sort of effect on him. Whatever it was, it was better than angry disdain.

“Old relationships should stay in the past, don’t you think?” he finally said.

You nodded as you ran into your room. You knew you would find the tablet under your pillow — you were sure that if your mother saw it she would say that your brain would explode due to the radiation from the device. With a few taps, you opened the stream of Seokmin's program.

“I think so. But the problem is that we keep seeing each other. I don’t think it’s something either of us want, but it seems inevitable.”

You turned the sound off, you just wanted to focus on his reactions. Seokmin swallowed hard, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on the microphone in front of him. To anyone, it just seemed like he was concentrating on the call, on what the person on the other end of the line had to say, but you knew very well that it was to hide his reactions.

"Your question?"

“Well, he called me selfish and said I ran away when we broke up, but that's not exactly what happened. I wanted to talk to him, but I don’t think he wants to listen to me.”

Seokmin took a deep breath and seemed to think about what to say next, his eyes no longer on the microphone, but on the ceiling.

“And why does he think that about you? You probably gave him reasons, don't you think? I don’t think anyone would think that about someone without anything having happened.”

“I always dreamed of studying abroad, so when the opportunity came, I went. I…"

“Did you tell him you were going?” Seokmin clenched his fists on the desk, his fingers gripped the pen in his hand tightly until his knuckles were white. “Did you give him a chance to say something or did you just walk away?”

You were speechless, eyes focused only on Seokmin. The way his hair perfectly framed his face, his sculpted thin nose. He was still exactly like he was seven years ago, just somehow different. He was the same, but he also wasn't.

You hadn't given him the chance to say anything, you had just walked away, but because you believed it was the best thing to do. You would have stayed if he had asked, I would have aborted all of your plans for him,

“Long distance relationships don’t work” you said finally, your voice lower “especially when there’s an ocean separating people”

“I'm going to guess and say that you were together for a while because I don't think anyone would care that much about a quick relationship” his voice became more sober, completely in control of his emotions, the opposite of what you felt,  like you were enclosed every second that passed “I agree with you, long-distance relationships don’t work. Different cities are already complicated, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone who lives in another country. You didn't give many details, but I believe he had reasons to feel that way, just as you had your reasons for leaving without warning. I think the best thing for both of you is to let it fall into oblivion. It makes no sense for either of you to dwell on these feelings. Maybe your desire to talk exists because you think you've left things open with him, but he may think that what's in the past shouldn't be remembered. Maybe you're just a bad relationship he wants to forget.”

Letter #5

Seokmin

I found out by chance that you now have your own radio show. One day it was an empty slot in the schedule and the next it was your voice. To my joy and delight, it was one of those programs that also had video streaming. I say joy and delight in a very ironic way.

But I'm not lying when I say I'm happy for you. You always said it was your dream and in a way, here we are, achieving our dreams. It would have been better if we could have lived through this together, I think. Maybe if that were the case I wouldn't have this empty feeling inside my chest.

But I discovered a long time ago that I can't keep crying over spilled milk. I left and you moved on with your life. They were conscious choices, I knew what I was doing. I knew that making this choice would have hurt both of us, but I also knew that we could overcome it. It's just taking longer than expected. I honestly thought that by this point, so many years later, we would have been able to live as if the past were just that, the past.

But it's not like that for me or for you.

I may be completely crazy, but your show is about love advice and how to deal with heartbreak. Sometimes, when I hear you talk, I'm sure you've already dealt with all your feelings, after all, you've had other girlfriends. But there are other moments, when you answer a question or when you read one of the pre-written texts when I'm sure that what you said applies directly to what we both had.

I'm going crazy, aren't I?

It's been four years since I left. I already finished my master's degree and started my PhD, exactly as planned. I have a date tonight with a guy who seems genuinely nice, but here I am, writing yet another letter that will never be sent to the guy I was in love with.

What am I still doing?

yn

Seokmin had always believed that for a relationship to truly end there must be no trace of it anywhere. When he told his listeners that they should get rid of items, it was not a lie. He was just terrible at following his own advice. The old story of do as I say, not as I do.

Finally, he decided it was time to take his own advice. With a little pain and resentment added to the mix, of course. At this point, he wondered if he could already be considered a masochist or if he still had a few boxes to tick to get the title.

Getting your address had been easier than expected. All he had to do was ask Niah, who offered the information without any resistance.

“Being thirty didn't make either of you any smarter,” she said as she leaned across the table and wrote the address on the napkin.

“Almost thirty” he felt the need to correct her, but decided he would ignore the hidden message in her words.

Seokmin never stopped going to Niah's restaurant. It was there that he had cried his sorrows over the cheapest drinks possible, he didn't have the money to pay for the good ones, while Joshua tried to console him. He had never seen Niah so stressed and angry. She hadn't said anything, but you could clearly hear the sound of her cutting the vegetables more aggressively than necessary.

Little by little she became calmer about the situation and started talking about you with the same affection as before. Seokmin always thought she had somehow kept in touch with you, or at least found a way to get your number or a way to contact you. At first, he had been angry, but somehow he believed he didn't have that right. It was only after a year that Seokmin decided to ask and the answer he received was “if I still had contact with her, I would have already screamed at her about disappearing without telling anyone”.

Asking Niah for your address was the only option he had. He refused to go to college, where you worked. He didn't know what would happen, whether you would be friendly with each other or the conversation would end in a shouting match just because. Because after years of no contact and considering the way things ended, it was pretty obvious that resentment could resurface — at least Seokmin had resentment up to his neck and knew that not releasing them all at once required almost inhuman self-control. 

He looked at the building one more time before getting out of the car. It was one of those without a doorman. Seokmin knew that if he rang and asked to be let in, the probability of being sent to hell was very high. So he pulled up his cap down and covered as much of his face as he could while he balanced the boxes on his arms.

He stood there like a madman for almost twenty minutes until someone finally left the building. Seokmin felt like he was committing a crime when he slipped through the door before it closed. Even though the feeling was strange he made himself believe it was the only option he had and he really didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted to return your things and, hopefully, arrange that if you ever met again, you’d simply pretend you don't know each other, instead of talking nonsense to each other.

Seokmin took a deep breath once before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps and a second later the door opened.

When you imagined what your Wednesday night would be like, the only option that crossed your mind was to order a pizza and watch a movie — the random option of Netflix seemed like your best friend and the only possible option because you weren't even able to choose what to watch by yourself.

Not even in your wildest daydreams could you have imagined that Seokmin would show up at your door with two boxes in his hand.

You were partially tempted to close the door on his face, but you knew that doing so would only make the whole situation worse. If Seokmin, who clearly didn't have any good feelings about you, was standing there at your door it was because he had something to say. Or more precisely to hand it over to you, considering the boxes in his arms.

Silently you stepped aside so he had enough room to enter. You wanted to slap yourself for the complete war zone that your living room was in. You were still unpacking the moving boxes, not that you had taken much with you. It was too expensive to send things from one country to another, especially furniture. You had only focused on your clothes and books and a few things you wanted to keep, and that alone was more than you were willing to spend. In addition to the boxes, you had all the things you still had to buy, but you still didn't have the mind to do it.

You had so much going through your head that cleaning the apartment was just another task you wanted to avoid. But it was one that could be left for later. In the few minutes that Seokmin spent there, you wished you had tidied it up, that he hadn't seen how that room represented your life at that moment: a complete mess.

"What are you doing here?" you finally asked when you managed to get your vocal cords to work properly.

Seokmin didn't seem to care about the mess but paid attention to everything else around him.

He placed the boxes on the counter and took off his cap, pressing the brims with his fingertips looking for what to say next. He had rehearsed an almost poetic speech in the car, something about being adults and how your relationship had ended a long time ago, so neither of you should have any regrets left. But the moment you opened the door and looked at him it was as if all the words had simply evaporated from his mind, as if he had never learned to speak in the first place.

It had always been that way with you. Sometimes when he looked at you, even when you were still together, he got lost. He was like a man adrift who had finally found solid land. It was as if he heard a click and the world started to move once again.

One of his favorite things, when you were dating and living together, was being able to come home after an exhausting day and see you sitting on the sofa in the living room, your computer on your lap, while you studied, occasionally shouting profanities at the computer. On those days, Seokmin would simply push the computer away and lay his head on your lap.

“Just five minutes” he used to say with his eyes closed.

You’d laugh, fingers immediately running through his hair, as if it was the most natural movement in the world.

“Who do you want me to insult today? You know my vocabulary is very colorful.”

How many times had he slept in that position, without meaning to, and you had to drag him to bed because “it's comfortable for you, but my legs are numb and you have to take a shower, you won't sleep dirty next to me, sir”.

It was impossible not to wonder where it all went wrong.

“I came to return your things” he pointed at the boxes.

You suppressed the urge to bend down and rummage through the boxes. You wanted to know what he had kept, what he considered important enough to keep for so many years. You knew he no longer lived in the apartment you shared. When you were looking for apartments you saw that that one was up for rent. It was necessary to restrain yourself from choosing it. It wasn't a good apartment, at least not at the time — the photos on the website said the property had undergone renovations two years earlier and had no tenants since. It wasn't big, it barely fit one person, but it was what your extremely limited budget could afford at the time. Somehow you and Seokmin turned that small space into a home full of life. Of love.

In the places where you lived, you bought all kinds of trinkets to fill the space, furniture you didn't need and never used, hoping to imitate, for even a second, the feeling you had in that little 35 square meter apartment.

You never quite managed to do that.

“Thank you” you said sincerely “I thought all my things had gone in the trash”

You laughed and Seokmin squeezed the back of his head and pointed at the boxes.

“I sold what I could, I didn't want to put it in storage because I really thought we would never see each other again. The money is in an envelope”

“Why did you keep all this?” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself “You should have thrown it away or, since you sold it, you should have spent the money”

Seokmin had asked himself that question several times before, sober or not, and he never had an answer. After a while, he simply stopped questioning and accepted it as something he had to do, to have some kind of sanity. It didn’t. Knowing that those boxes were inside his wardrobe, having to go through them the two times he moved, only brought back memories that he would like to forget.

Ever since you had seen each other again for the first time, memories that Seokmin had struggled to bury came to the surface as if they had just happened. He started to dream about you, dreams that range from memories to things that never actually happened, he started to wonder if it would be okay to talk with someone. His brain always screamed NO, so he was stuck just dreaming.

“I don’t have a good enough reason. It is what it is, I guess,” he said.

The last time Seokmin felt so embarrassed around you was right when you met and even then it only lasted a few minutes. The 18 year old Seokmin was much braver than the 29 year old man in front of him.

That boy, without any guilt or remorse, would have asked every question that could cross his mind. You’d say “your mind is beautiful, it even echoes sometimes”. Seokmin wanted to still have some of that boy's strength. Maybe that was the only way to know what he wanted. He wouldn't ask and he knew you wouldn't offer the information to him without being pressured.

“I think in the end, we both got what we wanted.”

You realized you said the wrong thing when you looked at Seokmin’s hands. A second before he was clutching his cap until his knuckles turned white, the next his long fingers were still. You didn't want to see the expression on his face. You knew what you’d find. You messed up, but couldn’t take back what you said.

“You got what you wanted” Seokmin corrected you, his voice firm, his tone hard.

“You always wanted to have a radio show”

“No, I wanted you. I could adapt to everything else if it meant I would have you.”

You shook your head. You knew it wasn't true. Hell, even Seokmin knew it wasn’t true. The first time you talked, Seokmin mentioned how much he wanted to be a radio host and have his own show, of any kind. I don't have a preference, I know I can give anything my own colors. You felt envious of his certainty, of the way he knew he could do it.

“The show has always been your dream” you tried again, despite knowing it was in vain to argue with him.

“My dream was to have a life by your side. You never, not once, told me that you signed up to study abroad, you never even mentioned it. When it was time to go you just got on a plane and disappeared. You never even gave me the chance to follow you. I could have been a journalist anywhere in the world”

Seokmin hated the direction of that conversation, hated being so exposed in front of you after so many years. In the past, it wasn't a problem. Before he wanted to be exposed in front of you, he wanted to share everything he was, every aspect of himself with you. No more. The problem was that he couldn't just stop. A gate was opened and there was no way to close it.

“So, what? Would we both be living based on our dreams? Because this is a dream, and you know it very well.”

You clung to the top rail of the chair, your head lolling forward in an almost futile attempt to stop him from seeing the tears forming in your eyes. You knew you couldn't hold them.

You weren't the type of person who cried often, you did what you could to avoid it, but when the tears came it was impossible to simply stop them from falling.

“Yeah, maybe I was really dreaming, because I believed that you loved me in the same proportion, but it’s quite obvious that you didn’t”

Seven years of pent-up frustration couldn't just disappear, he should have known. He should have imagined that going there would be a problem, that being in the same space as you without any kind of interference was a mistake. But he was still there and there was no way to escape. It was better to end everything quickly than to keep those feelings for another seven years in the hopes of one day being able to say something.

Seokmin watched as you went to one of the boxes in the corner of the room and opened it forcefully, tearing the cardboard, and causing some of the contents to slide across the floor. He felt his body freeze as a roll of film stopped at his feet.

“So explain to me, why do I buy a roll of film every time I pass by a store?” you put both hands inside the box and took out several rolls of film, of different brands and models. “Explain to me, why have I followed your career all this time and never missed a damn show in the last 3 years? Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to watch the broadcast and then listen to the show again while going to work because I just wanted to hear your voice?”

You walked to another box, but you opened this one a little more carefully as if wanting to protect the contents.

“Why did I spend 7 years writing letters that would never be read to a guy I never loved?”

You threw several envelopes at Seokmin’s chest. Your face and body shook out of anger or another feeling he couldn't quite tell.

Seokmin bent down to pick up one of the envelopes from the floor. His name was written in your careful handwriting. He didn't need to look at all the other ones to know that they were also addressed to him. He didn't know how many letters were scattered on the floor, or if there were any left in the box. The only thing he was sure of was that he had no idea how to proceed.

“If that doesn’t say I loved you, if that doesn’t say I still love you, I don’t know what the fuck does.”

Seokmin saw the first tear run down your face and fell silent. He knew he should turn his back, he knew he should walk away, just like you did seven years before. Instead, he took four steps in your direction, his eyes never left your heaving chest and the tears that ran freely over your cheeks. 

At that moment he knew that he only had two options: he could turn around and leave, he gave you back your things that alone made his plan a success; or he could kiss you like he had been wanting to since the moment he saw you again.

To hell with his plan.

Seokmin held your face in his hands and pulled you to him, crashing his lips on yours. It was an all too new feeling but also familiar, almost like coming to a remodeled home. It was him and it was you, if only it was just that simple. 

You sighed into him, your arms wrapping around his slim waist while your hand balled a fist full of his shirt. There were so many moments where you wished you could be right in that spot, again in his arms. Dreams and daydreams, wishful thinking, whatever you could call it. Thoughts of Seokmin had always been a constant in your mind. It was impossible not to compare other people you went out with to him. 

Your longest relationship had been one of almost a full year. Although the beginning had been good and easy, with you somehow managing to avoid any and all Seokmin related dreams and thoughts, it turned sour the second he crossed your mind.

“Seokmin, I…”

He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes so intense that it was difficult to keep looking at him. 

“Let’s not overthink it, okay?” was all he said. 

You held his face for a couple, searching for something in his features, anything at all, that could indicate that the moment wasn’t for that. But all you saw in him was the same emotions you felt, the same need and desire. 

You pulled Seokmin to you again, this time hungrier, your chest pressed to his. Your mind was loud telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing that, why having him so close to you was truly the most dangerous situation you could possibly put yourself in. But all of those voices, all of those words and thoughts were silenced the moment he kissed you again. 

His lips were hungry, demanding all of you. And it was so easy to just give in to him, to his hands roaming on your body, down your back until he reached your ass. He gave it a light squeeze and ran his hand back up again, this time under your shirt. You moaned softly at the contact of his skin on yours, as he kissed your neck, bitting on the exact same spot he found years before. 

He smiled over your skin. 

“At least this hasn’t changed”

It was all too much but not nearly enough. Just having him that close to you was dizzying enough but him touching you and enjoying the fact that you were just as weak for him at twenty nine made you never want to let go of him again.

“Where’s your room?”

You took Seokmin by the hand, guiding him through the narrow corridor. 

Your room was barely a room to begin with. You had no furniture except for the mattress lying on the floor, your clothes were either on the suitcase or on the chair on the side. 

“This is unlike you” Seokmin said, his chest pressed to your back while he nibbled on the skin of your neck. 

“I… hm… I” you sturred a little when he bit into a particularly sensitive spot, making him chuckle “I’m waiting on delivery”

Seokmin turned you around in his arms while lightly pushing you down on the mattress. His eyes never left yours as he ran his hand under your shirt, moving the fabric up until your chest was exposed. 

It had been so long since you had been with anyone, it was almost like a reflex to want to pull your shirt back down. Since him, it had been hard to just let yourself be exposed to someone like that. You had become awfully aware of your body and things you never cared for or paid attention to before suddenly became worries. You didn't like that insecure version of yourself but when Seokmin cupped your breast in his hand his touch was almost solemn. 

It was probably the worst timing in the world when you felt tears burn on the back of your eyes. You pulled his face to yours again, trying to hide your tears from him once again. 

Suddenly, his touch was tender when he pushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingers careful. 

Seokmin moved down on your body. When you saw his fingers on the waistband of shorts you lifted your hips off of the mattress to help him move the fabric down quicker. 

He kissed your hips and inner thigh. You moaned in anticipation, your hand taking a fist full of his soft hair. When his lips finally found your clit it was like fireworks erupted behind your closed eyelids.

Seokmin was impossibly hard in his pants, embarrassingly so like he was a teenager having his first time. 

He never thought that he would have you in his arms again and yet there you were in front of him, no reservations. Just for him. And for a moment it was like his brain was in short circuit, the small electric waves running all over his body, down to his toes. 

He licked a path from your cunt to your clit. He went down on you almost in desperation, his nose brushing on your clit every now and then. 

"Seokmin..." his name was barely a whisper in your lips, but it was also a chant. 

Your orgasm hits you quickly, leaving you short of air and with shaky legs. You were spiraling in the most enticing way possible. It didn't stop Seokmin though as he kept sucking you frantically. 

You tugged on his hair, pulling him up and to you again. 

I love you,  the words almost fell out of your lips. It would have been so easy to just say them, to be open about your feelings just this once. 

Deep down you knew that that moment would be a one time kind of thing. It was just the kind of moment people sometimes needed to just completely let go of everything. Or in this case, nothing. It was to let go of seven years of complete nothingness and silence.

You opened the button of his jeans and pushed it down, his boxers following along. You wrapped your hand around his cock, pumping him a couple of times. Realization suddenly came over you. You never expected Seokmin to show up to your place, much less that it would lead to that moment, and there wasn't anyone else in your life, so you weren't ready for it. 

"I don't have a condom" you said breathlessly.

Seokmin looked lost for a second, his brain going to his wallet, questioning whether or not he had one in him. 

"I can pull out," he said "if that's okay"

All you did was nod and Seokmin aligned himself with your hole. He pushed in slowly, savoring each moment when your pussy pulled him in until there was no space between the two of you. 

Seokmin kissed you again to give himself time to adjust to you squeezing him. You held his face close to yours, in your eyes a mix of emotions he didn't want to understand. Not in that moment at least.

"I don't want anyone else," you said looking into his eyes, your thumb running over his bottom lip "No one else can make me feel the way you do"

To hell with care and self-preservation. You let go of those the moment you opened the door for him, the moment you let him into your home, the moment you didn't push him away when he kissed you. 

Seokmin fucks you slowly, his pace torturous as you beg and beg for more. He intertwined his fingers with yours and held one of your hands above your head while the other one held your hips in place. 

"Seokmin... harder"

And it's like a switch has gone off inside his brain. His once slow pace becomes shallow. The sound of your breaths and his skin slapping against yours were the only ones heard, echoing through the empty room. 

Your orgasm sneaks up on you, catching you so off guard you scream because it's too much. 

You pushed Seokmin away and watched in ecstasy as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hand working fast as your name left his lips when his release fell on the sheet by your side. 

Seokmin dropped his body over yours again, his forehead on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and ran your hand over his hair. 

"I love you" you allowed yourself to say, even if it meant nothing to him. 

Letter #6

Seokmin,

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm coming home. Or the closest thing I still have to a home. Needless to say, my mother is happy with the news. She's been tormenting me for years, asking me to come back, but since I set foot here I decided I wasn't going back.

I wanted to, but I wouldn't go back.

Every time I thought about going back, the first thing that came into my head was the last image I had of you. Your teary eyes wishing me a safe flight, saying I love you and hope you accomplish everything you want. I regretted it the moment I gave my things away and handed my passport into the hand of the airline girl. I should have come back, I should have given up, but I couldn't. That old story of putting myself first and second, you know how it goes. In this case, my entire top 10 was just different versions of me.

I think I actually felt scared because as time went by, little by little without me realizing it right away, you became a very big part of my life. A part that could change everything. I felt like I depended on you too much. It wasn't fair to you or me.

We were only 22, Seokmin. When we were so young, we thought that life was conquered and today I know that is not the case. Far from it. At 22 I had a degree and worked part-time at a cafe to pay the bills, just like you.

You might think I'm selfish, I'm sure you do based on the things you say on your show. I was selfish and on some level, I don't regret it. I did what I always planned to do, what I always wanted to do. And now I'm coming home.

Part of me wants to run and find you, explain why I made the decisions I did, why I never told you. But I know you won't want to listen to me. I wouldn't want to listen to me either. Why would I listen to someone who left just like that? It really wouldn't make sense.

But another part, this one a little more rational, says that I shouldn't throw salt into the wound after so many years have gone by. I have the scar here, hidden enough for no one to see, but prominent enough for me to remember what I did every single day.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I think that's what I have to do. It wouldn't be fair to just show up in front of you and say “hi, I'm back” after seven years.

You have become a big “what if” for me. What if I had stayed? Would we have stayed together or would our relationship have ended years ago? What if I had told you what I was doing while I was doing it? Would you have asked me to stay? What if I had given the possibility of a long-distance relationship? Would we have worked out or would you start to resent me for leaving and end up hurting each other anyway?

The most absurd thing is that I still like you, I'm still in love with you. I've always heard that distance makes love end or something like that. I haven't seen you in seven years, I don't know what's going on in your life — you're really good at hiding everything being a celebrity now — so it doesn't make any sense that my feelings haven't changed even after all this time. This guy I see online might not be the Seokmin I fell in love with, just like I'm not the same person you remember.

Every time I hear your voice I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I sleep and dream about you. When I wake up I think about you and I wonder if you think about me too. It is not normal. It's not healthy. Life went on and I think it is our obligation to move forward together. We are not a museum to only feed on the past.

Let's continue as we are now, what do you think? We will once again be in the same country, in the same city, but I think it's best for both of us to pretend that nothing will change. It's a huge city, what are the chances of us meeting?

yn

Before you even opened your eyes, you already knew what you would find. Or who you wouldn't find. You knew the space next to you on the mattress would be empty. You had noticed the exact moment Seokmin had gotten up, but you forced yourself to believe that he had just gone to the bathroom. You had kept your eyes closed and had somehow gone back to sleep.

You had been naive to think that the night had changed something, that the way everything seemed like it would be fine was an indication that things had finally gotten back on track. If any, the train simply ended up derailing.

When Seokmin kissed you it was magical, no matter how cliché and teenage it may sound. It was as if the world had fallen into place again, as if you had finally returned home after being away for so long. You couldn't help but wonder if that was why you'd taken the job, in the foolish, unconscious hope that there might be a chance, however slight, of being with him again.

You forced yourself to sit up and pulled the sheet up to cover your naked body. The shirt and shorts you wore the night before were next to you on the floor, but you refused to wear those clothes, opting to rummage through the boxes in the corner of the room looking for clean ones.

You didn't want to go to the living room, didn't want to be mocked by the two boxes that Seokmin had left on the counter, but you couldn't help it. It was as if your feet had a life of their own. When you realized it, you were already sitting on the living room floor with the two boxes in front of you.

You momentarily decided to ignore the smaller black box and pulled the large one closer. The first thing you saw was the envelope Seokmin mentioned the night before. Money, especially the one in the envelope, wasn't something you were going to worry about. You didn't care about it, you didn't lie when you told him that he should have spent it. That money would remain untouched.

There were also a few books you read and made annotations on, two stuffed animals, and all the picture frames you had left behind.

One of the things you regretted the most was not taking with you when you left were photos of you and Seokmin. You had only taken one, which was folded inside your wallet. It was already so old and worn out that it had almost turned to dust, but you would never get it out. It was you and Seokmin at Niah's old restaurant, he was smiling at the camera while you looked at him. It was your favorite picture.

At the bottom of the box was the camera you had given Seokmin as a birthday present a few months before you left. You had saved whatever money you could for months to buy him the camera he wanted, one that he always talked about and whenever you passed by a store you stood outside looking at it, almost as if it would magically appear in his hands.

You understood his reasons for leaving the camera there — or, at least, the reasons you could imagine—but you wished he had kept using it. Not because it was a gift from you, but because it was something he wanted. His smile was so big when you gave it to him, the tip of his nose slightly pointed down because of it.

Carefully you put everything back inside and put it aside.

The smaller box, for some reason, was scary. It was light and black, and you could hear its contents moving as you held it in your hands. You took one last deep breath and removed the lid.

Inside were photos you had never seen before. Photos of you alone, Seokmin wasn't in any of them. In none of them were you posing or smiling directly at the camera.

Most of them had been taken from a distance, without you noticing. In some you were inside the cafe where you worked, smiling at customers and serving tables, in others you were simply walking down the street, looking through window shops and pointing at something. Seokmin had taken countless photos of you without you even realizing it.

It was strange to see yourself through his eyes, even if it was a version of you that no longer existed. A much younger and more optimistic version. Did I smile that much? you couldn't help but ask. You never saw yourself as particularly optimistic or constantly smiling. You were happy, that's undeniable, but you didn't know that's how people saw you.

There were so many photos, from completely different moments, both from the beginning of your relationship with Seokmin, and from all the phases you went through together.

Behind the pictures were the post-its that you left around the apartment, reminding Seokmin of somewhere you had together or simply saying that you loved him. So many had a simple “I love you” written on them, others said “have a good day today!”.

You had no idea he had kept them. You always thought that once read, they were discarded, but there they were, intact as if you had just written them.

The very first one you had ever written, when you had just started dating, was also there. At the time, unlike Seokmin who never had a hard time expressing how he felt, it was almost impossible for you to be openly honest. So you wrote it on a post-it and stuck it inside one of his notebooks. He had shown up at the dorm a few hours after you left the library.

“Say it again, but this time looking at me”

You frowned, pretending you didn't understand.

“Your nose is beautiful”

You laughed when Seokmin wrapped his arms around you, squeezing a little, trapping your arms close to your body. His face was very close to yours.

“What you wrote in the note” he said softly, his cheek pressed against yours “Say it again, please”

The truth was that you had loved Seokmin, in a way you didn't believe was possible and maybe that was why you spent the last seven years writing letters to him.

Seokmin never left your mind, not truly. There was always a desire, even if veiled, to return home, to find out how he was, to just say “I know I messed up, I’m sorry”.

It was that desire that made your entire body go cold as you took one last item out of the box. A smaller box that fit in the palm of your hand. You knew what it was before you even opened it and opening it was the worst choice at that moment. Your heart, which was already broken, somehow managed to break even more, into a billion, shiny, new pieces.

Seokmin would have proposed if you hadn't left.

When the first sob echoed through the living room, you didn't try to hold it back, you just accepted the feeling of being absolutely lost and heartbroken.

The weather outside the building seemed to mimic the way you had felt in the last few weeks, torrential rain that had no end in sight. You watched the news hoping for an improvement, hoping that the rain would stop for at least a few hours, but it seemed like a distant dream.

All your students were already gone and there was nothing left for you to do. The handed in assignments were graded and the tests were ready to be applied the following week. You had never hated yourself so much for simply doing your job. You wanted to be, at least for that day, like other teachers who left corrections until the last possible second and left students desperate for their grades.

The hallway was in complete silence, a clear sign that everyone had left already. And you had already waited hours for the rain to stop, until the sky was completely dark, and if anything the rain had only gotten worse.

You sighed and picked up your bag from the chair. You wouldn't risk taking any books, papers, or documents home, the possibility of everything getting ruined was too big. Besides, you needed a rest, at that point it was well deserved.

Ever since you had opened the boxes Seokmin left behind, you had immersed yourself in work in every way possible. You had accepted all of the dean's requests and even offered to teach extra classes whenever there was a missing professor.

And even so, even though you had more work than you wanted, you still found time to look at all of his social media. You still listened to all his programs, even listened to the old ones before going to sleep.

It was almost like a form of elaborate torture done solely and exclusively with you in mind. And worst of all, it was self-inflicted. It was as if your brain liked it, begged for it.

The box with the engagement ring was next to your pseudo bed. It was the last thing you saw before going to sleep and the first thing you saw when you woke up. Instead of spending hours on your phone, you sat there, staring at the small box.

You hadn't dared to open it again. You had never felt so lost as you did that day, looking at that ring.

You wouldn't be a hypocrite to say that you had never imagined your life if you had married Seokmin, but before it was nothing more than a daydream. The ring made that dream an attainable reality. It had been in your hands and you just walked away.

A curse left your lips when you noticed that the umbrella you had used that morning was missing from the umbrella holder next to the door.

“Great, that’s exactly what I needed” you muttered, slamming the door shut behind you.

You were tired, exhausted to tell the truth. All you wanted was to get home, take a shower, and watch some relationship reality show, to escape the tragedy that was your own love life.

You closed your eyes and sighed as you reached the entrance. The next bus stop or subway station was at least a 15 minute walk away. That was a problem that existed when you went to school there, everything was far away. One would think that they would do something to improve that, but one would be wrong.

You thought about taking shelter in the nearest coffee shop, but you knew it was almost closing time. You wouldn't be the person who forces employees to stay late, not when you had worked at that exact coffee shop years ago.

Even with your heavy coat covering most of your body, the rain was cold on your back and it was hard to see anything ahead, even if it was just a few steps away. Even the sound of cars was muffled by the rain.

“yn?” a car was on your left, and it was moving at the same speed as you. The face of whoever was behind the wheel was blurred by the rain, but you would have recognized that voice anywhere in the world.

“Let me give you a ride”

You shook your head. The last thing you should do was get in the car with him. It was too dangerous, you were sure that if you looked at him for more than a second you’d start crying. Just by hearing his voice your eyes were burning and a lump was forming in your throat.

“It’s fine, the bus stop is right there”

“There was an accident back there, the bus won’t be here anytime soon”

You grumbled. Of course, there was an accident, of course, there wouldn't be a bus and with your luck, the subway would probably be closed too.

"If your car went through the accident, a taxi will too”

You quickened your pace, not because of the rain, but because you wanted to get away from him. You needed to get away from him.

“Jesus, yn, just get in the car. You’re going to get sick”

You pretended you didn't hear what he said and kept walking, face down – trying to escape both the rain and him. The first tear fell from your eyes. For the first time in days, you were grateful for the rain, because you could pretend it was just water and not a visual representation of your broken heart on your cheeks.

Seokmin stopped the car right there, in the middle of the street. He didn't care if someone was standing behind him honking like crazy — something that was bound to happen.

When he left your apartment that day he felt like he was 22 again, but this time he was the one leaving.

Hearing that you loved him was everything he had wanted, but the timing was strangely right and wrong, both at the same time.

Both of you screamed, shouted, and said what you wanted to say — or at least part of what you wanted to say. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at the same time a new one was placed on it.

After you fell asleep in his arms, the only thing Seokmin could think about were the letters scattered across the living room floor. There were so many. He couldn't believe you had spent all those years writing letters to him.

He needed to read them all. He would have done it in the living room, but he didn't know what awaited him, so he collected them all from the floor and a few more that had been left in the box and left.

He read the first one in the car, he couldn't wait until he got home. 

Seokmin cried right there, the same way he cried when you left. Inconsolable. His heart broke and healed in equal measure with every word of yours he read.

Seokmin always believed that you left like that, without a single word, because you didn't like him that much, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Not that he thought the entire relationship had been a lie, but he thought that somehow the love had ended. It happened to everyone, the probability of it happening to him was also high.

The truth could not be different. There wasn't a letter in which you didn't say you loved him, not always in those words, but he knew you well enough to know that was what you said.

After reading all the letters, Seokmin called Joshua. He cried on the phone with his friend and then once again when he showed up at his place with bad beer and takeout food. “Since we’re going to talk about our college days, I think we should do the same thing we did back then” was all he said.

Seokmin was on his way to you when he saw you walking without an umbrella. He wanted to talk to you, to know if even after so long you still wanted to try with him one more time. It was better to try than to always wonder what could have been.

“I read your letters!” he shouted louder than the rain.

His words were enough to make you stop walking, but you still didn't turn to face him. It was too hard to breathe. Your chest rose and fell irregularly each time you tried to pull the air in.

You knew Seokmin had taken the letters. Part of you knew he would read them, but the last thing you expected was for him to want to talk about them.

“I know” you said when he approached “I saw they were gone, and you were the only person who came by”

“Do you know why I accepted to host a love advice show? Besides it being something I've always wanted, of course” he didn't give you time to answer “Because a part of me wanted you to listen, to know that I was okay, even if it was a lie. I thought that if I talked about it on a show that had used the nickname you gave me, you’d regret it. I thought that I should make you regret it because it was the only way I could still think about you without looking like a fool after so long. I thought you didn’t care, that you had left because you didn’t like me anymore, so making you regret your decision was the only option I had”

You shook your head. It wasn't true, not by a long shot.

“I'm sorry” you said softly “I should have told you what I was doing, that I had applied for the and got in. I thought it was my only option. It was so stupid. I was so stupid”

Seokmin laughed a little, fingers running under your eyes. A second later he pressed his lips over yours.

“I know, I read your letters”

Seokmin,

It's been a good few years since I wrote you a letter. After a while, I didn't think I needed it anymore because I started saying everything I wanted, everything I felt, looking at you. Of course, this new arrangement has its demerits, as the paper and pen don't look at me like a lost puppy. But paper and pen don't kiss me either, so it has its bonus.

I thought when I came home four years ago, I would never see you again. I thought you would just be the guy who has a radio show that I would listen to every now and then. I didn't expect to see you my first week back and again and, well,  again.

As you probably know, I've never been a big fan of rainy days. I always preferred sunny days because those were the days I woke up ready to face the world. I felt better overall. But also because they reminded me of you. You know, when the sun appears after gray days? For me, you were always like that. Grand and brilliant.

But after that day, I started to like rainy days too because they started to be full of the two of us. Rain was no longer synonymous of an unproductive day, but rather of the memory of our fresh start.

You know this, we've talked about it a few times, but I spent a few months waiting for it to sink in. Sort of expecting that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. It was hard for both of us, I know. It was seven years of hurt and resentment and we had to navigate this uncertain sea without a map. Nobody teaches you how to do this, believe me, I looked. I found countless books on how to start dating, how to save a relationship, and how to get over a relationship. The problem is that none of them teach you how to rekindle a relationship after seven years apart, but during those seven years one of the parties wrote letters and the other had a program just to mourn the sorrows of the relationship.

I've read several, so you can trust what I say on this.

It really wasn't easy, but I think we came out better, stronger, in some way.

I love you and I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives. Our forever begins today, in a little while. So stop crying, put ice on your eyes to help the swelling go down, and go to the aisle because I miss you already.

I love you.

yn

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soft hrs for dokyeom: thinking about [tipsy live2] and dokyeom holding woozi while he cried :(( and kissing his cheeks and his head :(( and js dokyeom in general bc did u know this video got me into svt

no bcuz this clip gets me soft every time :(( the way seokmin held him and kissed his cheeks and head :(( it rlly shows their close bond as a group and i'm so proud of how far they've come <3 and this video getting you into svt is actually so adorable pls. anyways!! let me write a lil drabble for the soft hr <3

imagine seokmin having to pick you up from a hangout with your friends. he expected for you and your friends to drink, but he surely didn't expect you to be tipsy and at the cusp of being wasted, nearly stumbling to where he stood outside as you parted ways from everyone.

as he got you in the car and began to drive home, he notices how unusually silent you were throughout the short ride, but he doesn't say anything about it--not yet at least--simply taking it as you being exhausted and ready to go to bed.

he helped slipped you out of your shoes and took of your coat as he led you inside your (and his) place.

"let me get you a glass of water," he reassures you sweetly, leading you to sit down on the couch.

yet just as he's about to go to the kitchen, a tug at his sleeve stops him, and he turns back to you. you open your mouth as if about to speak, but only a choked sound leaves your lips. you're crying.

a sudden rush of adrenaline flows through seokmin as he grabs your hand into his. "hey, sweetheart, wh-what's wrong? why are you crying?"

"i-i'm scared."

seokmin furrows up a brow, confused. "scared?"

"that you'll..." you swallow a lump in your throat, trying to fight your blurry thoughts. "that you'll break up with me."

seokmin's eyes only widen, expression shifting from confusion to concern as he processes your words. he sits down beside you on the couch, still holding your hand gently, and looks into your eyes with a reassuring gaze.

"hey, hey," he whispers softly. "where is this coming from? you know i care about you more than anything, right?"

you sniffle, trying to compose yourself. "i-i don't know. it's just... tonight, when i was with my friends, i saw you watching us, and i thought, maybe you'd get tired of me. and when we were driving home, i thought you were disappointed. and all my friends were, um, talking about their break-ups with their partners and it got me thinking things--"

"i would never get tired of you, sunshine," seokmin affirms, gently wiping away the tears that continue to streak down your cheeks. "i love you, and watching over you tonight had nothing to do with being tired of you. i just want to make sure you're safe and okay."

seokmin wraps an arm around you, bringing you close to his side. he presses a kiss to the top of your head, and one to your cheek. when he pulls away, he notices the very faint, subtle smile beginning to curl at your lips.

"i'm not going anywhere, okay?" he says, rubbing his hand up and down your arm, trying to coax your uncertain thoughts away.

you manage a nod, closing your eyes momentarily to relish his warmth surrounding you.

"okay," you whisper, voice still shaky but the reassurance in seokmin's words starting to sink in. "i love you too. i-i'm sorry for doubting. i don't know what got into me."

"it's okay, love." his lips meet your temple, lingering for a few moments longer, before pulling back to meet your eyes with a loving smile. the room seems to brighten. "now let me take care of you tonight."

━☆ first kiss with seventeen: dokyeom

♡ first kiss with seventeen series ♡ masterlist ♡

pairing: dokyeom x reader

warnings: kissings, fluff

wordcount: 533

you’re at dokyeom’s place and you both are curled up on the sofa as the movie plays on the screen in front of you both. it was your weekly movie night date and you were more than happy to spend it with your boyfriend dokyeom. you had decided to watch a rom-com and it was turning out to be quite good.

until a kissing scene came up and you felt yourself freeze and you looked over at doykeom before looking back down. the thing was you and dokyeom hadn’t shared a first kiss yet. and it was more because you were shy and nervous about it. little did you know that dokyeom felt the same way. he really really liked you and didn’t want to mess anything up, especially your first kiss. but upon seeing the kissing scene on the screen, it was like something awakened in him. you both couldn’t deny the tension in the room right now and you hear dokyeom clear his throat as he turns to look at you, only to find you already looking at him. he smiles softly at this and proceeds to pull you closer to him.

“do you think--can i- um kiss you?”, he stutters out softly and you softly grin at his nervousness. but you would be lying if you said you weren't nervous too. you could hear your heart beating so fast. "yes", you whisper softly. his hand gently caresses your cheek as he looks at you like you’re his whole world. both of you close your eyes and lean in, only to end up bumping noses against each other.

you both open your eyes and he’s apologizing but you’re just blinking up at him. you let out a soft laugh. “it’s okay”, you say and this seems to ease his nerves. If he only knew how nervous you were right now too. he leans in again and presses a soft kiss to your lips before pulling away ever so slightly. you can feel him smile against your lips as you let out a giddy little giggle, making him smile even more. his smile really did things to you. you lean forward and kiss him again and pull away. you both look at each other for five seconds before you both burst into a fit of giggles and chuckles.

"this is not how i thought our first kiss would go", he admits, looking at you like pure love. "this is cute though", you tell assuring him. he gazes at you for a few more seconds before speaking.

"can i kiss you again, a proper one this time", he asks, searching your eyes. you nod and he's leaning in, closing the gap between you again as his lips meet yours again. his lips are soft against yours and he kisses you softly and gently and so sweetly. you practically melt into his arms as you kiss him back, your head getting fuzzy.

he pulls away and it takes you two seconds before your eyes flutter open, seeing dokyeom smiling down at you fondly. "hi", he says. "hi", you reply before you're both chuckling again and you bury your head in his chest, getting shy.

taglist: @daisycheols @naaaaafla @joshuaahong @slytherinshua @fairyhaos @rubywonu @wheeboo @icyminghao @kyeomyun @minhui896 @gam3bo1z @graybaeismytae @musingsofananxiouspotato @thehao8 @cheiyoma @keiyx @novalpha @fallingforshua29 @txtandroll @nishloves @kokoiinuts @writingsbybirdie @hauvits @jennimisu @dahliatopia @prpldahy @ryujineebae @onedumbho3 @weird-bookworm @yo-wassup-boi @idubiluv @horanghae-hoshi @bangchansbae @sorrylola @lustfulseonghwa @hanniehaee

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Weverse Update // 240406

[Evelyn 🌟 240406] 12:00am KST

➙ happy birthday mingoo ~~ i love you

➙ ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Mingyu’s Reply 🌟 240406] 12:37am KST

➙ ilyy 😘❤️

20240417 Happy EVELYN’s Day 🦢

#Happy_EVELYN_Day

#EVELYN #에블린

#SEVENTEEN #세븐틴

Evelyn’s Birthday Wishes ~ Hyung Line.

[Seungcheol 🌟 240417] 12:00am KST

➙ ah..my little baby is getting so big these days ㅠㅠ i love youuu

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:00am KST

➙ wah i might actually cry ㅠㅠ

[Jeonghan 🌟 240417] 12:31am KST

➙ Happy Birthday Eun-ah! ~~ im so jealous of you ㅠㅠㅠ

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:00am KST

➙ im actually so jealous of you 🥹🥹

[Joshua 🌟 240417] 12:56am KST

➙ our little evie happy birthday

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:00am KST

➙ tyy 🥹💛

[Jun 🌟 240417] 12:11am KST

➙ little mouse happy happy birthday!!

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:01am KST

➙ cutie junie thank you for my plushies 🥹💛

[Hoshi 🌟 240417] 12:44am KST

➙ Eunji <33

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:01am KST

➙ 🥹💛💛

[Wonwoo 🌟 240417] 12:04am KST

➙ eunji-ah ~ happy birthday.

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:01am KST

➙ your skills have definitely improved nunu 🥹🤍

[Woozi 🌟 240417] 12:30am KST

➙ hbddddddd you’ve come so far eunji

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:02am KST

➙ all thanks to the best producer 🤍🤍

🏷️ : @justmochi @ateezjuliet @itzynabi @peachyaeger @cosmicwintr @billboard-singer @kimhyejin3108 @cixrosie @enhacolor @allthings-fandoms @mingis-wrld @kmgfeels @choihaneul @angie-x3 @aysxldea @alixnsuperstxr

Evelyn’s Birthday Wishes ~ Maknae line

[Dokyeom 🌟 240417] 12:00am KST

➙ my best friend, happy birthday

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:04am KST

➙ 😭💛😭💛

[Mingyu 🌟 240417] 12:00am KST

➙ the love of my life ~ happy birthday

➙ 😘❤️

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:06am KST

➙ i love you 😘😘

[Minghao 🌟 240417] 12:53am KST

➙ HBDDD

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:06am KST

➙ 🥹💛

[Seungkwan 🌟 240417] 12:10am KST

➙ exposure is the only way ㅋㅋㅋ happy birthday.

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:08am KST

➙ yah you punk when i get you lovingly 🫶🏻💛

[Vernon 🌟 240417] 12:36am KST

➙ hap birth loser ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:10am KST

➙ thank fren 🤓

[Dino 🌟 240417] 12:21am KST

➙ I sincerely wish you a happy birthday from the bottom of my heart!!! I hope this year that you are happy and healthy always. i love you!!

➙ ps. i hope you enjoy your plant 🫶🏻💛

[Evelyn’s Reply 🌟 240417] 01:11am KST

➙ channie 😭 partner in crime for lifeee i love you and my plant 💛💛

🏷️ : @justmochi @ateezjuliet @itzynabi @peachyaeger @cosmicwintr @billboard-singer @kimhyejin3108 @cixrosie @enhacolor @allthings-fandoms @mingis-wrld @kmgfeels @choihaneul @angie-x3 @aysxldea @alixnsuperstxr

STUPID CUPID ⸻⸻⸻ TRUE VALENTINE ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ LET'S TALK LOVE! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ CONCEPT TEASERS ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀07.05.2024.