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Day 6: Viscountess

"I was going to ask you to marry me."

Kate stopped breathing. "What?"

"I was going to ask for your hand. I even picked out a ring– it's in my quarters but I can get it if you–"

Kate shook her head. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why were you going to propose?"

Anthony frowned. "Because it makes sense, I suppose. You need money for Edwina's season, I need a wife. We have good conversation, shared values, undeniable chemistry. And I have every confidence you will be an excellent Viscountess."

"What about love?"

"I never planned on marrying for love and neither did you."

Kate felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. The straightforward manner in which he spoke told her everything she needed to know. While she had been falling in love with him, he had felt none of those feelings.

Kate Sharma x Lucy Granville (because self-realized women are awesome)

"Do you need assistance with your clothes, Miss Sharma?"

Kate shook her head, cheeks warming. She had needed help not so long ago. Her clothes had been slightly outdated but well made; now they were hardly better than rags.

She took the clothes from Lucy but the other woman did not move away. Instead she brushed Kate's curls back from her face. "You have remarkable features. It's why I suggested you model in the first place."

"Th-thank you?"

"I speak only the truth." 

Still she did not move away. "Lady Granville, I have to change…"

"Please, call me Lucy." Kate nodded. "And I may call you Kate?" She nodded again. "Kate… do you know what happens here in the late hours?"

Kate shook her head, eyes wide. 

"We are bohemians, Mr. Granville and I. We take pleasure as we wish– but only as it is offered freely. Do you understand?"

Kate shook her head again.

"I like you, Kate. You are beautiful and different, and I should like to kiss you," Kate inhaled sharply, "but only if you should also wish it. Should you not, we need never speak of this again. Your invitation here is secure regardless of your choices tonight– or, indeed, any night." A sensual smile formed in her lips. "The goal is pleasure for all involved."

"But will I not be… fallen?" Kate hated the timidity in her voice but her virtue was all that remained of her former life.

"Perhaps in the eyes of some but it is not for them to know what we do here. And the act men of God speak of– the one that results in children– requires at least one man be present." Lucy placed a hand on her cheek. "The kiss, dear Kate, would be just for us."

"Okay."

Lucy smiled and it warmed her whole face. She placed Kate's clothes on a nearby chair and then moved close again. Tucking another stubborn strand behind Kate's ear, she leaned close and brought their lips together.

Day 4: "It does not matter what I want."

"You left. You. I wanted to talk! I wanted to work it out. You left, and you didn't seem to want to come back, so I let you go. Why are you being such a jackass? I gave you what you wanted!"

"You think this is what I wanted? I asked you for time but no. Impatient Kate always has to have it her way–"

"Over. The. Line." She took a long deep breath through her nose. "Anthony. I was not about to wait around for a guy who didn't love me to maybe come home."

He recoiled visibly. "What?"

"We were literally a lusty cliche, getting married while shitfaced in Vegas. I get that you didn't want the annulment scandal, and, honestly, I thought I'd be okay with your whole deal, but I'm not like you. I can't compartmentalize and act like I love someone and not have it mean anything. All the flowers and kindness and the press eating it up one day, then cold silence and mocking looks the next. It was suffocating. And then you left when you promised you would be there. 'It can't be love but I'll always take care of you.' Remember? I felt so fucking stupid. How could I stay?"

"I came back," he argued weakly. "I came back to tell you…" He looked at her standing tall, eyebrows high on her forehead. Then he saw her lip wobble ever so slightly– a chink in her armor.

On instinct he stepped toward her, wrapping one hand around the back of her neck. His other hand rested on her waist, holding her gently. When their lips were a hair's breadth away, she stilled. "I need to hear you say it, Anthony. Please."

"I–" The words caught in his throat.

The silence stretched between them and Kate tensed. She stepped back. Her eyes were shining as she looked at him. "Good-bye, Anthony."

At least this time she said it to his face. Maybe that would be enough.

Day 1: Midnight at the library

Anthony quite literally stumbled over her in the library. "Shit, sorry–" He realized who it was huddled in a ball. "Kate?"

"Bridgerton," she choked out. Her breathing was shallow and there were tears running down her face. It was obvious to Anthony that she was having a panic attack.

He crouched beside her, a hand reaching toward her before he froze. "Can I touch you?" He winced at how that sounded. "Nothing weird! Just– my sister Eloise found it comforting."

Eloise was the one with their father when he died of anaphylaxis almost five years earlier. She'd been five and nearly inconsolable for weeks. The panic attacks started a couple of months later and Anthony, dutiful older brother just trying to lessen his mom's burden, learned everything he could about how to support her.

Kate nodded shakily and Anthony dropped down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and rubbing her arm in a comforting pattern. She leaned into him heavily, breathing ragged. After a moment, she spoke again, "Can you talk to me? Please?" Her voice was hesitant and so small– not right for her at all.

"I never wanted to date your sister," Anthony blurted out. In his defense, it was the first thing that came to mind. He dropped his head back against the bookshelves hard but kept talking. "You were acting so unaffected and ignoring me and I wanted–" What? Her attention? His neck and ears heated with embarrassment. "I don't know, to get a response, I guess, but I took it too far and I'm sorry.

There was a long moment between them where the only sound was her breathing. "I'm sorry too," Kate admitted, voice still quiet but stronger. "I know I overreacted. You're not even Eddy's type."

"Please, I'm everyone's type."

"Trust me, you're not." She snuggled a little closer. "Tell me about your family."

"Well, I have seven younger siblings. My mom has an event planning business we all help with on weekends."

"What about your dad?"

"He died when I was thirteen. It was really sudden."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Mine died a couple years ago too. Cancer."

"Sucks."

"Yeah." The grief was palpable. Suffocating. Thankfully Kate broke it, "What was your dad like?"

"He was the best. He loved us all so much. He worked hard but also made time for each of us individually. I didn't mention but there's two sets of twins in the family and he would always make sure each got their own time and attention." Anthony closed his eyes. "I hate that Hyacinth, she's the youngest, never got to meet him. It's so unfair."

"It is," Kate agreed, "but at least she has the rest of you. When you never knew a parent… you don't miss them like we miss our dads. It's more like being told a story you can never truly understand. If they loved horses, you wonder if you would've done equestrian or if you might've vacationed at a dude ranch instead of the beach." It was as if she could sense the silent question Anthony didn't dare ask. "My mum died when I was three. Car accident during a storm– I was in the backseat. Mary, Eddy's mum, is my guardian now."

"I, uh… I didn't know that."

Kate shrugged a little self-consciously. "Why would you? Mary's the best, though. She's basically my mom."

Her breathing seemed to be back to normal, so Anthony untangled himself from her. "Here, let me just–" He went to the librarian desk and grabbed several tissues.

He handed them to Kate when he returned and she wiped her face. "How do I look?"

Her eyes were still red and her eyeliner was smeared but the only word that came to mind was striking and Anthony knew better than to say that. "Maybe wash your face before next period," he suggested with a lopsided smile. He offered her a hand to help her off the floor.

Kate accepted his help with a small thanks. He tried to shrug it off but she shook her head. "No, seriously– thank you. You didn't have to be so nice."

And all he could think was that it'd never occurred to him to do anything else.