Much Pining - Tumblr Posts

thebiasrekkers

4 years ago

Tears of Andromeda

For the @bangtanscenery - April Showers Bring May Flowers Project in celebration of the Spring Season!

Plot: Namjoon loves you. You are the sun to his moon. It’s been this way since you were young. But your oblivious nature is only apart of your charm. When he’s finally ready to confess to you? You’re already taken. Broken-hearted he goes to your favorite spot. For the first time he allows himself to cry. Then he hears it - like the liquid tinkling of tiny bells. The subtle glow of stars falling from his eyes starts the countdown.

Rating: PG-13 // SFW

Genre: StarTears!AU | angst | romance | drama

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Female OC (Mia Graves)

Warnings: Mild language, angst, lots of pining

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 4.2K

AN: So, I was tooling around on the twitter and found something in my feed. I had been reading it over and over trying to wrap my head around it. So, here is my interpretation of the StarTears!AU. Here is the thread in question - https://twitter.com/rchimedesu/status/1246209686682185730?s=20. Other than that? I don’t think I’ve ever written so much pining in all my life. I hope you enjoy and I hope to see more StarTears fics in the near future!

© thebiasrekkers (Admin T). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

It hurts.

Namjoon collapsed onto the bench, a hand clutching over his heart. Panting, he willed the trembling muscle to calm. His lungs burned as he fought to catch a deep breath. His nostrils flared as he fought back the creeping panic inside of him. This was a pain different from any other. His memory rolls back to her enthusiastically kissing another man. The words that he had mustered the courage to speak swallowed back bitterly. She turns to see him, mouth agape in shock, staring.

The confusion on her face made the moment all that more embarrassing. Because she couldn’t understand the pain etched into his face. Her brows furrowed as he wore that devastation so deeply. It almost looked as if he had witnessed the greatest betrayal. She reached out to him, suddenly wanting to pull him closer - and he ran. Namjoon turned on his heel to escape her. He took off in a dead run across the college campus. There would be no catching him, she knew that. Her boyfriend, just as conflicted, puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. A small amount of comfort as he wondered what he just saw. He wondered if she saw that broken-hearted gaze stealing the light from Namjoon’s eyes? He wondered if she knew?

Did she ever know?

And now?

I’ve lost her.

Namjoon sits in their favorite spot as the sun settles low in the sky. The vivid orange-blue, purple dusk of night time brings him little comfort. His bottom lip trembled, eyes closed, as his head fell backward. The oil-slick flickers behind his eyes deepen as his memories flood in.

It wasn’t uncommon to see strangers moving into the neighborhood. It was strange when they didn’t look the same. It became the talk of the town when Mia’s family settled in. Namjoon was 5 years old when he laid eyes on 3-year-old Mia Graves. His family knew her parents and were quite surprised when they showed up with their newly adopted daughter. It was no secret that they had a hard time conceiving - and had pondered adoption. So when they finally returned home with a beautiful dark-haired, hazel-eyed toddler? They couldn’t find a moment of peace.

Luckily, it wasn’t Mia - a curious toddler, she was easily entertained with the simplest things. It was from the questions being fielded about how there was an obvious difference in their child’s heritage.

She hadn’t started speaking, while stressful, gave them hope that she’d pick up another language just as quickly. There was a large Summer gathering that brought all the families together. Namjoon was smart enough to understand that there was something different about her. She played easily with the children in their age range. Mia had a habit of hyper-focusing on things that caught her interest. Namjoon saw this for the first time when a butterfly wobbled by to land on a flower. He felt his brow furrow as she knelt down to watch it. It seemed like an eternity before she blinked. He felt something strange as he watched the slow, soft smile that formed.

“Wouldn’t that be cute?” Namjoon’s mother quipped loudly. She was on her third glass of wine as she nudged Mia’s mother. “We should let them get married!” Mia’s mother sputtered her drink giving the other woman a wide-eyed look.

“Don’t do that to them, they’re just kids.” Her brow furrowed as if something unpleasant had been stirred in her own memory.

“Nonsense!” Namjoon’s mother waved the thought off. “Joonie! You should be Mia’s protector!” His father groaned, slipping back inside the house. Mia’s father held up his hands as her mother implored silently to assist in the conversation.

Namjoon pouted, “Mo-ooo-oom. She’s a girl!” Typical tiny human behavior. Namjoon’s mother tutted as she escorted him over to where Mia remained captivated by something so small and simple.

“Mia, honey.” Namjoon’s mother took his hand - and hers. “My Namjoon is going to protect you ok?” Namjoon groaned as the other little boys snickered off to the side. His mother put Mia’s hand in his, smelling slightly of fermented fruits and sugar. “Look how cute!” She stood leaving the two staring at their connected hands.

Namjoon scratched at the back of his neck, trying to focus on anything else. “Don’t mind my mom. She’s really nosy.” He scoffed tilting his head down to Mia. His next words were cut as Mia’s wide-eyed look was aimed at their gathered hands.

She looked up at him, with that slow, soft spreading smile. “Hi, Namjoon.” His name sounded strange coming from her. He couldn’t tell what it was - but he knew he liked it. His hand closed over hers.

The fullness of her smile crinkled the corner of her eyes, the sunlight fading behind them gave her eyes an almost golden glow.

“Hi, Mia. Don’t worry about anything, ok?” He knelt down to her level. “I’ll protect you.”

“Why do you have to be so weird, Mia?” The taller boy stomped on her notebook with a grin. She’d been following the local butterfly swarms. The notebook held detailed drawings of wings, color variations, and the flowers they frequented. There was a pink flush underneath the warm brown of her skin. She narrowed her eyes until they seemed to resemble feline slits. The taller boy and his friends smirked as she walked toward him. “What’re you going to do, eh?”

Before she could open her mouth, let alone swing that cocked right arm, there was the sound of impact as he hit the ground hard. The tall boy got knocked down a peg as Namjoon seemed to drive him into the ground with his shoulder. There was a hissing poof as the boy lost the air in his lungs. Namjoon stood up looking down on the bully with unbridled fury in his eyes. The boy’s friends decided it was no longer worth the trouble as they helped him up.

The sound of a weak cough echoed in the distance as they made their escape. Namjoon turned to Mia gently trying to salvage scrap pieces of paper. Her lip tucked between her teeth as she sighed.

“Hey.” He finally turned to help her gather the pieces of paper. The smeared drawings were handed over to her. “..I’m sorry, I-I should have been here sooner.”

Mia shook her head, that soft, slow-spreading smile that made his heart stutter. “Thank you, Namjoon.”

He scratched the back of his neck as he stood. Namjoon’s gaze was off in the distance as he lowered a hand to help her up. “Come on, let’s get home.”

“Happy Birthday, Nam-Joooonniieee! Happy Birthday to yoouuu!” Sung in various degrees of unison. Namjoon groaned while blowing out the candles on his 17th birthday cake. A sound of applause echoed as the parents dropped their gifts on a table. “Alright, kids behave - but have fun!” The adults adjourned to the kitchen.

“You’re a man now!” A thick hand clapped Namjoon’s shoulder, “Maybe you’ll grow a little taller now?” Blake grinned down at Namjoon.

“Dude, we’ll never be as tall as you,” Namjoon smirked, clapping his hand against the other boy’s shoulder. Blake was a month older than Namjoon, but he was already 6’1”! Blake stood out mostly because of the gentle demeanor inside of that large frame. “We are turning into men, aren’t we?” The other boys gathered around to spy the party guests.

Girls.

The girls they went to school with. The girls that had been a part of their childhoods. These girls were blossoming into puberty right alongside them. That awkward stage of life when you realize the destructive power of hormones. How had they gone from ‘eww, girls’ to ‘ooh, girls’ so quickly? The girls, paying them no mind, turned their eyes on them. The boys quickly averted their gazes, feeling their ears heat-up at the sudden attention. The girls shrugged and continued to talk about their own changes.

“Mia is really pretty,” Blake spoke softly, as they all snuck a glance over to the group again.

Namjoon felt the muscle in his jaw tick. “Mia is Mia. Come on. Let’s not get all sappy, ok? W-We’re men over here!” He gave a curt nod. “We should talk about boy things. This is my birthday, after all, gentlemen.” They cleared their throats and laughed loudly. They laughed at half-mustaches and acne. They laughed at the voices cracking and still too high.

But every once and awhile, they stole glances over to the girls.

Later that night when the bulk of their school friends left - it was just a gathering of childhood buddies.

And a bottle.

“Come on, Blake! It’s your turn!” They did their best to keep their activities quiet. The adults were busy relaxing after a long day.

“Spin the bottle already!” Namjoon pushed his best friend.

“Ok, ok!” Blake spun the bottle with shaking fingers. They all watched it laughing as the bottle started to slow.

“I bet he gets to kiss Namjoon.” A girl, Ava, chuckled leaning into Mia while giggling. That giggling stopped when Mia gasped. Blake blinked as he and Mia locked eyes.

“Oh, w-wow. You got Mia.” Namjoon could find his voice suddenly.

“Go on then! Stop stalling!” Another boy piped up on the other side of Namjoon.

“Oh, this is ridiculous!” Mia popped up on her knees, her hands framing Blake’s face. “It’s just a peck.” She hoped he didn’t feel the tremble in her fingers. She leaned forward, lips pursed, dotting them against his mouth. “There!”

The world was hot, dry, and dark for a mere few seconds when their lips connected. Namjoon found himself grabbing his chest. The others fell over laughing and making faces. Blake turned three whole shades redder than normal. He blinked slowly, letting his fingers sliding against his lip.

“My turn!” Ava spun the bottle eagerly. Namjoon was in a state of shock, unable to comprehend the sensation rolling through him.

“OOooOooh, Ava gets to kiss Namjoon!” That brought him out of his stupor in enough time to see Ava pursing her lips. He swallowed thickly as she smashed her lips to his in a far longer connection than he had liked.

Bewildered, Namjoon turned to Mia who merely chuckled at his state.

The rest of the friends filed out of the house. Leaving Mia and Namjoon to clean up the mess. Both of them were stuck in a loop of awkward - until he broke the silence. “Did you like it?”

Mia hummed a soft response, “It was a nice party.” She swiped a row of cups into a garbage bag. She felt Namjoon’s hands on her shoulders, he spun her around the dark brown of his eyes hard.

“I mean...I meant...with Blake?” He seemed startled at this moment of bravery. He moved his hands from her shoulders, scratching at the nape of his neck.

“The kiss?” Mia tilted her head as if she had forgotten about the whole ordeal. “Namjoon it was just a peck. It wasn’t even a real kiss.” She gave him a dour expression. “I sure as heck don’t count it as a kiss. There’s no meaning behind it. It’s just a game.” Her body was half turned from him as she went to dump more garbage.

“I mean it was your first kiss, wasn’t it?” Namjoon furrowed his brow as if he realized he was overthinking it.

“No way! That’s not how my first kiss is going to go.” She sputtered into laughter. He suddenly felt lighter with the sound. “No, Kim Namjoon. My first kiss will be ...amazing.” There was a thoughtful expression that caused her eyes to sparkle. His heart wanted to break free of his chest and leap into the tender embrace of her hands. “And besides, Ava has had a crush on you forever. You should be lucky.” She gave him a soft elbow to the ribs. “Come on, we have finals next week. I need to get home.”

That soft, slow-spreading smile undid him every time. He scoffed into a laugh. “Ava has a crush on all the boys that are taller than her. It’ll pass.” He watched her laugh while joining her to clean up the mess.

She was right, though. Her first kiss would be amazing.

It just wouldn’t be him.

Finals were over and Summer dawned on their neighborhoods. They were being pressured to consider the rest of their life - i.e, College. Namjoon would be a Senior in the fall. He had the best grades so his school wasn’t a concern.

Leaving Mia behind was.

The sweltering heat of Summer became a time of awareness. The boys had developed muscle going through the changes of adolescence. The girls were glowing and mesmerizing as they tested lip tints and soft makeup.

Blake confessed to Mia - and for some reason? It didn’t bother Namjoon at all. Blake was his best friend. Mia was his best friend. He was happy for Blake, truly. But, he knew something that his best friend didn’t. He knew Mia. He knew her better than anyone else - and they were not compatible.

A camping trip to the woods, splashing in the river and the crackle of a fire at night. The friends were gathered to make memories. Blake kissed Mia under the moon by the river with the glow of the fire behind them. It was a sloppy attempt coupled with Blake getting a little too handsy for Mia’s liking.

“Oh, come on, Mia!” He furrowed his brow as she narrowed her eyes at him. “I just touched your hip” He seemed bewildered by her annoyance. “They do it in the movies when kisses happen.”

“Blake, this isn’t a movie. Don’t you think you need to make sure I'm ready to take that kind of step?” The annoyance turned to hurt as he seemed to brush off the suggestion.

“Man, I’m going back to the fire. This is dumb.” He scoffed making quick work to join the others.

Mia sighed with her head lowered, the shift of fabric over her shoulders caused her to close her eyes. She didn’t even have to ask. “Hi, Joonie.” That soft, slow-spreading smile lifted to his taller frame.

“Hey, kiddo. Need some company?” He let his arm drape across her shoulders as they stared up at the stars.

“Yeah.” She watched as he turned his gaze skyward. Her head tilted as she studied his profile. Namjoon had really filled out over the summer. Broad in chest and shoulders, arms defined, a perfect side profile set with a strong jawline. She found herself staring at the fullness of his lips. The heat crept into her face as she tilted her gaze someplace else. “Thanks, Namjoon.”

He hummed a soft response tugging her closer into the shadow of his body.

School started

Everybody had changed over the summer - grown and filled out. It was exciting, and it was competitive. Namjoon focused on his studies as per usual, making time for football as he could. He, like the rest of his friends, was determined to build more muscle. The girls were into their looks a bit more.

Homecoming was close.

New faces joined their circle. New friendships were built and old ones? Well.

It was a few weeks before Homecoming in the Varsity Locker room - and boys will be boys.

“I think that Mia girl is hot,” Namjoon heard someone quip. “...maybe I can ask her to homecoming. That’s one kiss I’d savor for life.” There was male laughter as he rolled his eyes.

“Nah, that one is a bit of a prude.” Namjoon yanked the shirt down over his shoulders at the voice that spoke up. “I tried to kiss her and she got all skittish. It was the perfect moment too! Under the moon, by the river.” Blake stood up, he had the audacity to have grown another 3 inches over the Summer. “..I was perfect.”

“You were impatient.” Namjoon finally butted in, his arms crossed as he smirked. “There’s nothing wrong with asking a girl for permission. You better get that through your head, all of you.” A hint of disappointment in his tone. “While, yes, the girls are pretty - we still have to act like decent human beings. This is not the time to go thinking with your pants parts.” Blake scoffed as the mood was suddenly broken.

The guys filed out as Namjoon hefted his bag over his shoulder.

“You should tell her you like her,” Blake spoke up now that they were alone.

“What are you talking about?” Namjoon gave him an incredulous look.

“Namjoon, we’re not stupid.” Blake’s arms were crossed against his chest. “At least I’m not. I’ve seen you looking at her since we were kids.” He shook his head as he shrugged on his jacket. “You better make your move before it’s too late. Again.”

Namjoon smiled, the dimples setting in his cheeks, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I don’t have anything to worry about, Blake. When the time is right. I will.” There was a moment of awkward silence before they left.

Homecoming Week

“Mia Graves will you be my Homecoming date?” A bouquet of calla lilies was presented to her in the hallway. A boy on the floor with a declaration. He could see that strawberry tinge under the warm brown of her skin.

“Seojoon, you big softie you. Of course I’ll be your date.” She laughed as he picked her up and swung her around.

He was too late, again.

Homecoming Night

Everybody swayed to the tune of a slow song. Seojoon and Mia kissed - and it was amazing. They decideD to start dating. Namjoon rejected Ava for the last time.

Christmas Break

Namjoon was settling into leisurely reading when he received a text message.

Mia: Joonie.

He knew that she only called him that when something is wrong.

Joonie: Just come over, Mia.

He fixed hot chocolate and found the fuzzy warm blankets. She showed up minutes later her eyes red from crying. He pulled her in out of the cold, then bundled her up with hot chocolate and blankets. She fell asleep against his chest and he hoped it would stop beating so hard against her ear.

“We broke up.” Her voice was small. “Maybe they’re right? I’m just weird aren’t I?” There was a bitter tone that he wasn’t used to.

“No, Mia. You’re just...different from everyone else. And you know what?” He pushed the coils from her face. “That’s perfectly alright. Plus, you know I’m here for you.” A dimpled smile set her at ease.

“Thanks, Namjoon.” That soft, slow-spreading smile that she gave no one else. Even during the course of her relationship with Seojoon? She never smiled like that for anyone but him.

He pulled her against him again.

Let us go forth and claim our heart’s desire. Let us go forth and forge new paths. Let’s go forward.” Namjoon looked out amongst his classmates, gathered family and friends. “We were pushed to succeed by those around us. Now we move further forward to make them proud and realize our dreams. My friends - we take our first steps today.” There was applause for the Valedictorian Kim Namjoon. He moved his tassel to the other side of his cap and the rest followed.

“Congratulations to us all.”

The day passes by in a blur as they gather, as they always had, at his house.

“We did it!” A yell in unison as they raised their glasses. Namjoon was leaving for a college quite the distance away. But, its reputation was hard to deny. The house slowly empties as he begins to clean up.

“You’re going to forget about me.” Mia pouted as she helped clean up.

“I could never forget about you.” He laughed softly. She missed that fond lovelorn look that filled his gaze. Too busy picking up trash to realize the nervousness bubbling within him. “Plus we have email.”

Mia laughed, a sound he had sorely missed. “That’s true.” She bit into the meat of her bottom lip. “I’m going to miss you, Joonie.”

“I’m always closer than I seem, Mia. Remember that.” They shared a quiet smile.

The Summer was upon them again.

Namjoon spent that summer making memories with Mia. Taking pictures, going to places they said they wanted to visit together. He felt like she might understand - that she might just see what he’d been hiding - harboring all these years.

Mia realized that Namjoon has really grown into a dependable, wonderful man.

The Summer ended - and Namjoon leaves for college. He promises to be back for her High School graduation.

“Do you have everything?” He asks softly. Mia was a bundle of nerves trying to arrange her speech.

“How the hell did you do this?” She whines softly.

“Just breathe. You’ve got this.” The connection is full of static. “I’m really sorry I couldn’t be there, Mia. I didn’t think this internship would get extended.”

“Joonie, stop. You’re living your dream right now. I appreciate you calling me. It’s...good to hear your voice.” She smiled softly to him even as the video glitched. “Plus, I’ll see you when you get back right? By the time I get settled on campus - you should be back!”

He smiled at the screen. “Exactly. Now, go knock them dead! And tell my dad not to shake the camera or I’ll get pissed.” He playfully furrowed his brow, causing them both to laugh.

“You got it!” She blew him a kiss, checked her reflection in the camera. “I’ll talk to you later, Joonie.” She gave him that soft, slow-spreading smile. “Thank you, Namjoon.”

Mia had matured so much since he left. She was a beautiful woman. Those hazel eyes had lightened over time to something like warm gold. The springy coils of her hair were tipped in a dark purple. He still saw the little girl that stole his heart all that time ago. “No problem, Mia.”

The video call disconnected but his gaze lingered on the screen. He was stuck in the UK for an internship for the next four months. He should have been back but he did such an excellent job - they extended his time.

He made the decision then and there; that he would confess.

The internship lasted six months instead of four. He wasn’t able to keep in touch with Mia like he wanted. There were sporadic emails and text messages - but the art house firm he worked for was world renown. He got back home to visit his family before heading back to the dorm.

He told them to keep his return a secret. He wanted to surprise her.

Namjoon was the one surprised. This stunning woman was leaning against a man who nuzzled into the space where her neck met her shoulder. There was this bright smile painted across her face. The man spun her around in his arms as she looped hers around his neck. He kept walking toward them because he couldn’t believe his eyes. He hoped it was some sordid illusion playing out in front of him. Mia reached up to cup this man’s face as he spoke to her. Their foreheads touched as she leaned up to kiss him. The Mia who had shown little interest in the males around her - was enthusiastically kissing another man.

“Mia?” The couple was disturbed by the calling of her name. Mia’s eyes went wide as she saw Namjoon looking perplexed - no...betrayed?

“Joonie?” He looked different than the last time they spoke. She was awash in a sensation, an emotion that left her robbed of words. Namjoon looked between her and the man with his hand around her waist.

Pain exploded in his chest as he backed away from her. He turned on his heel - and he ran. She called after him to no avail. She was left confused, watching him disappear into the distance. Why did that bother her so much? Why did that expression on his face give her pause? She felt her boyfriend’s hand squeeze at her shoulder. He tilted his head down to her catching the confusion etched in her features.

Her boyfriend hadn’t felt a need for jealousy since they met. But now? He watched a man lose his very spirit at seeing her with someone else. Did she see the light leave his eyes?

Did she really even know?

Namjoon’s heart was quiet as the moon rose in the night sky. He was too late, again. It hurt. It hurt because he was sure this time. It hurt because he was so sure that there would be no one but him for her.

No one for her but him.

His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes and he could do nothing but let them fall. The streams turned to full out sobbing within minutes.

The sound of little bells chiming in the wind caused him to stare at his hands. The ethereal glow of starlight emanated from the pooled tears. A soft wind chime echoed as a breeze blew across his face. His gaze turned to the sky once more.

His vision blurred again as the star-filled streams slid down his face.

The sobs shook him as he wept. He cried because the one thing he wanted to be was gone.

His head fell back against nothing as he noticed that the moon wasn’t as bright and the night seemed to creep in the corners of his vision.

Namjoon sat listlessly as his celestial tears sparkled in the wind.

Tags :

bangtanscenery bangtanscenerycollab bangtanidx bangtanarmynet hyunglinenetwork bts kim namjoon bts rm namjoon x oc rm x oc so much angst. much pining star tears au

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