My Advice For Ppl Shopping For Anal Toys To Give Their Partner Is Always Well Think About What Size You Would Want To Start With - Tumblr Posts

thinking about the time I was working at a garden store and this guy called in like “can you bring dead plants back to life” and I was actually their hardware guy not their plants guy but I knew a bit and I loved that he phrased it like maybe I’m a wizard with dark secrets so I asked about the condition of the plants and the guy was weirdly sheepish about it

So there was a lot of back and forth until this grown man admitted that his elderly mother had been out of town and while house sitting he had a bunch of other grown men over all week and they all drunkenly peed all over his mother’s garden SO MUCH for SO MANY NIGHTS in a row that all her plants DIED.

I said “sir do you want my honest advice? You need to come in and replace your mom’s flowers with new flowers.”

He said “there’s not some fertilizer that can bring them back?” I said that ship had sailed and he said thanks for nothing and hung up.

All my love to that woman I hope she straight up murdered him with her old grandma fists.