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i love it when people are obsessed with their wives. it’s like yeah that’s literally what you’re supposed to do
I cannot emphasize enough how much of a life hack it is to exclusively be friends with, date and marry people who are not constantly mean assholes to you.
Sure, relationships typically start with a honeymoon phase that then grows into something deeper but a bit more mellow if things work out, but it’s depressing as fuck that this has turned into a really, really common script for straight relationships that says it’s totally normal and inevitable for dudes to just become more and more emotionally checked out of the relationship, and leave it to their girlfriend/wife to perform if she wants to get even a crumb of affection from him. I’m so fucking tired of seeing women constantly being taught that decades of emotional neglect is just our lot in life.
concept: not everyone you meet is a lesson. not everyone hurts you just so you could learn to heal yourself. most of them come with hatchets and hammers and none of them come with gauze, none of them come with Band-Aids or a sewing kit. listen to me, not every pain you feel is part of a bigger plan to force you to learn. stop forgiving people for hurting you because you think they helped you grow. you helped yourself grow. you put all your limbs back in place, put your heart back inside your broken ribs and stitched your own chest up. it was all you. stop giving people who hurt you credit for things they do not deserve.
As disabled members of the lgbt community we should be celebrating marriage equality, right? but unfortunately us disabled people who rely on government support to survive risk losing everything and becoming totally financially reliant on our partners if we marry or even move in together.
sources: x x
Absolutely tear apart “I’m being forced to marry this woman” jokes. I hate them so fucking much. Do you know how much of a let down it is to see the person you love and share so much with turn around and rag on you to your friends as “the ol’ ball and chain”? Imagine trusting and respecting someone so much that you’re willing to commit your life to a union with them, and meanwhile they’re talking about how their life could only get worse if they were married to you. Destroy the idea that a man’s life is best when he’s a player, and that his life is “over” once he allows a woman into it. Destroy the idea that all women are controlling, horrible bridezillas. How disenchanting it is to see so many people shit all over the love between two people.
Respect your fucking wife. If you can’t do that, don’t get married.
1) “Say what you need from your partner. These needs will change over time. Your partner cannot read your mind, you have to tell them exactly what would help you when you’re struggling. When things are good, tell them what they are doing that you are liking.”
2) “Check in with your partner on what they need from you. Pretty simple. Just asking things like, “Did you have a good day? How can I help you? What do you feel like doing today?” Things you probably already ask them, but just making sure that you’re asking because you really want to know the answer.”
3) “Validate that what they’re saying is of interest to you, and that you’re listening. That is often all that someone wants after a long day, or a big thing happening.”
4) “Recognize how your partner’s identity affects them. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is not exactly like you, there will be things that they have not experienced, that you experience regularly, and vice versa. Learn to listen to your partner when they talk about these things, and recognize that their movement through the world is likely different from yours. This just requires us to take each other into account in an intersectional sense, and be sensitive to the different needs that arise from an oppressed identity.”
5) “Admit when you’ve made a mistake. Tell your partner when they’ve pissed you off, being honest about saying how it is, instead of making excuses or protecting each other unnecessarily. Even if the truth is that things aren’t great right now, they are much more likely to improve if you’re both on the same page, rather than one of you hiding your uncertainty from the other one.”
6) “Rephrase what your partner is trying to say, to clarify it to yourself, and see if you’re correct. Usually, if I’m mad, I’m not correct about it. Usually, I’m misinterpreting, because I’m upset or angry. If I say, “Oh, so you’re saying that we shouldn’t do this?” My partner can now see how I’m misinterpreting his words, he can restate them, like, “No, I just mean we shouldn’t do it today.”
7) “Avoid saying anything with the intention to hurt, because they will remember your words. Watch that what you way is really what you mean, and something that they can actually do something about…. If you and/or your partner resort to name calling, mocking, or insulting each other when things are tense, that’s something that you should try to address. My partner and I have a rule of no name calling. He’s never called me a name.”
8) “Try not to withdraw from confrontation and just hope it will go away, because you need to be able to talk these things out. You can walk away and collect your thoughts, but you should come back willing to give a hard conversation a go, because if you’re having a hard conversation and you get worked up, you might say something you regret.”
“Communicating is not easy. It can feel awkward, forced, unfair, but it is ultimately the most important aspect of being in a rewarding relationship, I think.”
straight people: *makes literally hating your spouse a cultural norm* straight people: gays are ruining marriage
To some people you’re an NPC
To other people, you’re the special, unlockable character that they worked and worked to finally get- and when they do they’re so happy because they got the game just so they could find you.
Everyone warns you about red flags in a relationship but I want to hear about green flags
So here’s some. Add your own if you’d like!
* listens to you talk when you have issues and supports you through them
* stops doing things you tell them make you uncomfortable
* compromises when necessary
* never puts you down deliberately, especially not publically
* supports your ambitions
* uses a calm rational tone during arguments
* is able to apologise when they’re in the wrong
* aids your growth process
we should treat love as something to be built rather than found
Sex is not inherently harmful. Full stop. It does not fundamentally change you as a person, it does not psychologically or spiritually alter you. If your argument for how sex should be talked about, veiwed, defined, presented, educated about, etc is predicated on the premise that sex is a scary, dangerous, life-altering event, you are regurgitating conservative ideology. No, adding gay varnish does not make it progressive.
no one wants to hear it but love is earned after the initial infatuation. commitment is something u both mutually agree to and then from there it’s work. it’s not work like it’s a chore it’s jus work like it takes effort. to get good at these things takes practice. it takes practice to learn to communicate better and it takes practice to learn to love each other in the ways u need to be loved.
if you are lucky you will love someone and their hair will thin and their breasts will sag and you will kiss them everywhere over and over again
