My Thoughts On Whats Going On - Tumblr Posts

My sister talks to me in this monotone, disinterested voice. It sounds frigid and gravelly as she delivers these clipped answers to me, but I can always catch a hint of impatient annoyance during those rare moments when we share a conversation together. As if I’m a child she has to tolerate and she can’t wait for our conversations to be over.

I know she doesn’t respect me but it still hurts to hear her openly admit it to me. She didn’t even have the decency to look me in the eyes when she told me this. She was too busy playing with her new Nintendo Switch.

She’s 19 years old and I’m 25, but I still don’t know what I’ve done to make her hate me to such a degrading degree; She refuses to talk to me, refuses to listen me, refuses to even look at me when ever I try to include her into my life. She’s trying to erase my existence from her life as she ignores me everyday.

I told her that I don’t want us to be distant, I don’t want us to be such a broken family, but she just dismissed me with a shrug and a snide, clipped answer: our brother and our dog are enough for her. I’m replaced by a dog. I’ve been replaced by a dog.

I still love my sister. I admire her confidence, her intelligence, her unfiltered mouth. She enjoys so much freedom in her life without ever compromising her independence or submitting to authority. She’s always in control and if she can’t figure something out, she’s undeterred. She never stops that vivacious way of living.

I try to respect her. I try to give her space. I wait for her to come to me and let her know that she can lean on me, no matter what. But I’m tired of this indifference. I’m tired of feeling like the dismissive employee she can’t wait to fire. It’s hard being on the receiving end of this treatment, especially from family. It’s nice to feel like she can rely on her big sister, but that’s when she needs to find extra cash from somewhere.

I think, at this point, it’s better to be strangers with her than family. She’s always been nicer to strangers. We’re already at that point and I’ve just been slow with the uptake this whole time.