Nah But Fr - Tumblr Posts

fuck i love feeling like shit🤌

[ 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑 ] — 𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐘𝐀 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈

mitsuya’s head falls to your shoulder, making you chuckle as you run your fingers through his short strands, a soft kiss finding its way to his temple where you know the tattoo he hides lies under his hair. and he can feel you trace the edges of the inked mark on his skin perfectly—too perfectly.

mitsuya knows you know the curves of his tattoo better than anyone, he knows you’ve lied awake in the middle of the night to learn every loop and every slant of the design. and sometimes, on nights he craves your heart especially, he pretends it was always him, but he knows it wasn’t his tattoo that you traced.

it’s never him, he’s never been the one you’ve wanted, but he pretends. because pretending is the only thing he can do—he can pretend the soft kisses you press to his jaw are ones you leave with him on your mind, he can pretend the small hearts you trace into his bare chest are meant for the both of you, he can pretend that the softness of your gaze as you stare into his eyes are softened only for him, and he can pretend that the i love you’s you mumble in your sleep are for him in your dreams to hear.

but he knows better, deep down.

his tattoo reminds you of someone else’s, and he can try as hard as can to fill the gap in your heart, but mitsuya will never be draken, and his heart hurts, it aches so bad, sometimes he doesn’t know how he’ll last through the night.

he doesn’t know how to be enough, how to give you what you want, how to be the one you think of first thing you wake up and last thing before you go to bed. and sometimes, when the tears hit his pillow case, and he wipes them off his cheeks with the pad of his thumb, mitsuya pretends its your thumb grazing his skin, showing him the gentleness he craves from you.

“hey, takashi,” you murmur, yawning sleepily as you pull the blanket higher up your bodies. mitsuya hums, looking up at you hopefully.

perhaps tonight, you’ll finally see him for him.

“yeah, baby?” he whispers, staring up at you. your fingers runs over the head of the dragon on his temple, and a small part of his heart withers away.

“i think you should show off your tattoo again,” you say softly, looking out the window and staring at the moon. the soft light gleams over your skin, and mitsuya’s dreamt of seeing you in this light—so many times, a million times over—but no matter how close he is to grasping his dreams and making them his, they’re out of reach once more. “you’d look so handsome.”

he nods slowly, resting his cheek onto your chest as a wobbly smile pulls on his lips, his hand fisting your shirt as he feels you peck his forehead lightly.

he wishes he was worth your love, that the waves of devotion from the sear of your kiss speak his name—but they don’t. and he could never hate you, or his friend. he can only hate himself for never being enough.

“yeah?” he lets out a watery chuckle, though he knows you can’t tell there’s a silent stream of tears rolling down his cheek. “you think so?”

“yeah,” you whisper. “i love your tattoo, you know. it’s suits you.”

“me? it suits me?” he closes his eyes when you rub his back gently, and a part of him thinks it’s so cruel, so incredibly heartless that you offer him his dreams to him, that you play into his fantasies and give him the affection and the intimacy he craves, yet don’t ever mean it. but another part of him can’t run away, can’t even think to walk past this.

because even if he’s not yours, you’re his, and he’ll take that over nothing. it hurts even worse to have nothing.

“yeah,” you smile softly. “it suits you really well, ‘kashi.”

“oh, okay,” mitsuya nods. “i’ll…i’ll shave the sides for you then. i love you,” he breathes, sinking nto your embrace and trying to find home in your warmth. “i love you so much it hurts.”

“i love you too,” you whisper, pressing one more kiss where his tattoo lies.

and as he tries to find home in you, mitsuya finds it’s already been made home for someone else, and he’s simply an outsider looking in.

reposting bc the first time wasn’t in the tags

this was @/takeomiscig’s idea so don’t get mad at me okay it’s ris’s fault

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