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Lost and Found

It’s all about balancing different genres in this blog, so here’s another melancholic piece. 

But before I make you sad, here’s a cute Johnny GIF that’s sure to put a smile on your face.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

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Summary: Essie is not her usual self again for quite some time, and Johnny’s starting to get bothered by it. They talk it out, and in the process, learn more about how to make their relationship work. 

POV: I think I wrote this during the start of the year, so this is in 3rd person. 

Word count: 1,600 + words

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Essie was slowly losing herself again – the present part of her, that is. 

She found herself holed up in her room most of the time, reading and writing. She watched series by herself sometimes when she felt like it. She needed all the inspiration she could get so she could compose songs. 

Her trip to her home country triggered something in her to be more immersed in the things that she has almost forgotten. 

In college and during her first years at work, she would always have a book in her bag. She would read whenever she was bored or when she waited for her transportation on her way home. Sometimes, she took the time to go to a café, notebook and pen in hand, to write all the quotes from the book she was reading that have inspired her. 

She lost this habit when she moved on to a much hectic job in publishing, which she is still in but in a different country. 

It was as if her trip to her homeland had rekindled her previous passion to the point that she barely talked at home. 

Her boyfriend, Johnny, was concerned. This was not the first time that she distanced herself from her loved ones. 

When she was guilty of her week-long affair with his best friend Jaehyun, she almost killed herself. But now she was living in her bubble and avoided long conversations with anyone as much as possible. 

That applied to him as well, which hurts. He could barely get ten words out of her before she went back to her room after they ate breakfast or dinner together. Most of the time, she ate by herself. When he wasn’t able to cook anything, she would do so herself or get takeout. He was concerned that she had food delivered more often than having a home-cooked meal. 

Despite her aversion to people these days, he noticed that she was more at peace with herself. There was a look of content in her face as he saw her in her room reading a book. Sometimes, he felt her passion for writing when he would look at her write swiftly in her notebook. 

He never fully closed the door to his room so he could always have a look at what she was doing. And of course, the possibility that she would come to him and tell what was up with her. 

But it has been three weeks already, and she continued to float in and out of her world. He felt as if he was gently kicked out, leaving him no explanation and just standing outside of it. 

This time though, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He would break into her world again and demand that he deserved a space inside. He loved her so much that he couldn’t risk losing her to anyone else, not even to herself. 

\\\

Essie, who continued to believe that she was losing her present self, sat on the couch reading another book. 

She knew she was all alone since Mark was abroad, and Johnny left early to work out. She had at least three hours to herself to do what she pleased inside the house. 

She put on an old record and played it softly, opened the windows to let the breeze sway the curtains, and put in a new bunch of flowers from their backyard. She even prepared a pot of her favorite tea and a plate of biscuits on the coffee table to serve as her snacks when she gets hungry from her reading.

The setting was ideal – oh, how she wished she got that beautiful white Gunne Sax dress at the thrift shop to make it even more perfect! She looked down on her peach lace dress she was wearing and smoothed its skirt. She was fine with what she was wearing. 

As she continued to read and flip through the book she was reading (another bizarre Japanese literature book she picked up from the discount bookstore), she didn’t notice that the door opened, and Johnny entered in his gym clothes. He wore a muscle shirt, jogging pants, his trademark black sneakers, and a baseball cap in the same color. As he gently dropped the bag on the floor, he saw his girlfriend humming as she turned to a new page. 

She looked so peaceful with her curly hair down and saw that she wore a smile on her face as she continued to read. 

He didn’t want to ruin her moment, but he wanted to have a moment with her for so long. 

Sneakily, he went behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulder. “Hey baby,” he whispered, kissing the side of her head, “I haven’t seen or heard from you in ages.” 

His action made the girl stop and place her book on the table. She squeezed his forearms gently and looked up at him. “Hi Johnny,” she whispered back, flashing him a smile. “How are you?”

Her response was a bit heartbreaking. It was as if she had lost in touch with him even if they see each other every day in the apartment. He didn’t let his emotions get the best of him as he kissed her forehead. “Baby, you’ve been distancing yourself again. Why is that?” 

She gestured him to sit beside her on the couch, which he did by jumping over and immediately wrapped his arms around her waist. “Oh, have I? I’m sorry if that’s the case…” He noticed that her hands were still on her sides. 

“Baby, you’ve got to let me know if you need space. I can’t just always guess it by the way you’re acting. You have to let me know if you want to have some time for yourself. And I’ve missed you so much. You’ve been away for two weeks, and yet your mind’s still away now you’re here for almost a month,” Johnny was on the verge of crying as he expressed his sentiments to Essie.

The girl watched him closely – the way his eyes crinkled in distress, the way his eyebrows knitted together in the middle, and the way his lips pouted at the end of his short speech. She was re-familiarizing all these things, as she has forgotten about it momentarily. 

“I’m sorry, John. I didn’t mean to, but I guess you could say that. I do need my own time. I wanted to process everything that happened recently.” 

“Did something happen during your trip?” 

It was Essie’s turn to become emotional. “Yes, dear. It was as if I have reconnected with the person I used to be, the person I wanted to be.”

They stared at each other for a minute, observing each other’s features. Johnny missed looking at her cute button nose and her plump lips while she missed staring into the fading acne marks on the side of his chin. Every small detail counts with them, and these were the things that they kept in mind about each other whenever one would be gone for quite some time. 

“What do you want to be, my love?” 

“I’ve always wanted to be an artist of my own.”

Johnny closed the small gap between them, making his girlfriend sit on his lap. “What do you mean by that? Do you want to act, sing, draw, paint, or whatever?” 

“Well, you’ll see when you watch the vlogs I’ve made. They’ll be up…” Essie glanced at the wall clock across them, “maybe later in the evening. I collaborated with a close friend of mine with the editing.”

The guy’s eyes widened in shock, and he squeezed her tightly. “Wow, my baby has a vlog now! I can’t wait to watch it,” he pecked her on her temple. 

“I think it’ll have installments. So you’ll know more about me then,” she said softly before pecking his cheek. 

He let out a soft ‘oh’ before raising an eyebrow at her. “Is there anything else I have yet to know about you? Don’t I know everything yet?”

His question made her go back to her original spot on the sofa and pick up her book again. “Yes, John. There’s a whole lot of things you don’t know about me still. And maybe you’re the same too. After all, we’ve just started going out. You don’t expect to know everything yet about your partner, right?” 

Johnny stroked his chin while in deep thought, slowly digesting the words she said in his mind. 

“Fair enough. But still, baby…communication is key. You’ll let me know what’s up with you, okay? Don’t keep me guessing or push me away suddenly. Because if you continue to do that, then it might affect our trust with each other.” 

Essie sat still, her eyes boring into him. Her hands were neatly on top of her lap, her book delicately perched in between her thighs. 

“I know, and I’m sorry. But I’m not so sure yet when I’ll be back to my usual self. Or if I’ll be back at it at all,” she chuckled, thumbing through the book and looking for the last page she read. 

“Essie…” He pulled her back again into his chest, and she buried her face in it once their bodies intertwined with each other. 

“Johnny…” She mimicked, her soft voice sounding strange to her ears. 

“Please, baby. I can’t afford to lose you anymore. I want you so bad in my life. Please don’t leave me.” His words were muffled against her hair, but she heard them. 

“Please give me a bit more time and space. I’ll just be here. I won’t leave,” she responded, looking up at him with glassy eyes. 

He kissed her, and she returned it, and once again they were reconnected with the love they have for each other.

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FIN