New Versus Old - Tumblr Posts
I was a little hesitant to post this because it is borderline physically painful to read my old writing, but I think it might be cool for people to see how far i've come in five years.
Some context:
The very first version of my story began on September 25th, 2019. I was 18. I am now 23 and it is August 14th, 2024. It has been 1855 days, or five years and three days exactly. In 2020, I believe is when I scrapped the original concept (the whole, "based on a dnd campaign" nonsense) and began writing something entirely new.
Let's begin with the old stuff, but be warned that my old writing is actual, genuine garbage.
as jacob (xp to level 3) said in that one video, "gimme the garbage, gimme the trash!"
except in this case, the trash makes me feel like this gif of kyaru, and not like i am looking at overpowered dnd homebrew:
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It was a bright Spring morning in the continent of Kommodia. Spring fresh air filled the sky, newly sprouted Honeydew plants rose from the ground. It was Spring. A long dirt paved path sprawled out in front of them, trickling and snaking along the ground towards their destination, a party of three travelers bumpily rode down it towards a city. in a carriage, towards where their friend awaited their arrival. All of a sudden, the wind stilled, and a sense of dread filled the air. Something stirred outside in the trees, catching the mage, Beriyl's, eye. "Do you think those might be…" He questioned aloud. Taka finished his sentence for him. "Tch. Goblins. Tricky little bastards…." The thief, Taka, swore. Hailing from Losaira and never all that wealthy, through some strange, lucky trick of fate had he years ago somehow found himself amongst a traveling warrior on an escort mission. From there, he had met the mage who sat up front controlling the reins. Taka was happy to call those he traveled with friends.. for the most part. Sometimes the mage could be- But Taka's internal monologue was cut short when the group's mage, Beriyl, muttered an incantation. As he did so, the air around them grew cold and a bolt of ice shot out of Beriyl's hands and flew at the goblin he had targeted. The ice spike tore straight through its chest and shattered behind it. The goblin fell, bloody and dead to the ground. Acting quickly, Taka readied an arrow and loosed it into the back of a goblin. It flew through the air, and stuck in the back of the goblin with a thwack. "That's two down… Nice shot, Beriyl!" Taka commented, looking over his shoulder at Beriyl. "Not so bad yourself, halfling." Beriyl replied, snarkily. "But we all know that I, Beriyl von Aschwaz, am the GREATEST mage in all of-" Beriyl was cut off. "Shut it, Beriyl." Taka said. While they were fighting, they failed to notice that due to the goblins losing two members fairly quickly, the goblins had decided to begin a retreat back to the woods they had appeared from. Taka nocked another arrow and fired. The arrow flew through the air and stuck right into the back of one of the remaining two goblin's back with a thwack, sending the goblin to the ground. "Well, we did what we could." Taka muttered, pulling his hood over his head and falling back into his seat. "Now, mage, continue holding the reins and get us to our destination." "How rude! I'll have you know my name is-" "Yeah, yeah, your name is Beriyl, greatest mage in all of Kommodia," Taka said mockingly. "Hmph. At least you recognize my magical prower-" "No, actually, I don't. I was kidding. You aren't the greatest mage." Taka said, laughing. "…." Beriyl was very angry. The trio reluctantly continued on their slow, gradual trudge towards the city. It was an uneventful ride, aside from some screaming they heard off in the distance. When they heard that, the party unanimously agreed to continue towards Thunderfell to get the brawns of their party BEFORE attempting to chase after strange noises.
When they arrived, Arthur was very happy to see them, and made no attempt to hide that. "My friends! You have finally come! I was getting worried!" Arthur said. Taka, with a look of indignation, muttered something under his breath. "What?" Arthur asked, looking at Taka. "Nothing." Taka replied. Arthur looked strangely at Taka before shrugging it off. The wind stilled. "We have more important things to be doing than idle banter, do we not?" Taka muttered. "You are right. Arthur, perhaps it would concern you that we had heard screams while we were coming to get you. Perhaps we should check it out?" Beriyl suggested. Birds chirped in the skies, and the harsh sun continued to beat down on Thunderfell and the party. "I don't see why not. Very well, let us be off!" Arthur said, enthusiastically. And with that, they were off. Arthur hummed to himself as the carriage rocked and jumped around as the slightly dysfunctional trio headed towards their dangerous destination. "Where did we hear those screams?" Beriyl asked. "Hm. I'd say… five steps from here?" Taka answered, unsure. Beriyl laughed to himself, muttering something about "Stupid Halfling.." before replying; "Oh really? I, for one, believe it to be exactly one hundred steps from here." Beriyl said, sarcastically in his usual tone of voice. "Nineteen steps to the East." A loud, booming voice echoed overhead. A matter of seconds ago, the forest was alive with the noises of insects, birds, and other forest-y things. Now, the air was still, and the surrounding area was eerily silent. "What in god's name-" Arthur exclaimed, surprised. "What.. what was that? I've never heard anything like it." Beriyl said. Taka nonchalantly sat, arms crossed with his hood over his head. "Kch. Why should we listen to some disembodied voice?" The mage huffed and sat back down in the front, reins in his hands. "That's a good question, Taka.. for once, you ask something not entirely stup-" "Beriyl." Arthur said, cutting him off. Beriyl sighed. "Are we ready to continue onwards?" Beriyl asked, annoyed. "Yes. We should follow the directions that voice gave us, though." Arthur suggested. "Arthur, do tell.. Why should I, the GREAT Beriyl von Aschwaz, greatest mage in ALL of Kommodia listen to some PATHETIC, disembodied voi-" All of a sudden, a great gust of wind blew through the carriage, knocking Beriyl out of the left window. "Ow!" Beriyl yelled. Arthur laughed. "Maybe you SHOULD listen to it, after all."
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^ quarantined off that bad writing from my new stuff :D
Here's the opening scene of my current version. Five years of progress:
Taka screamed in terror, and shot up in his bed. His heart drummed in his chest at a rapid pace for what felt like an eternity before it finally settled down. Beads of sweat formed upon his forehead as his eyes flitted around the dim room. Everything was as he’d left it—door closed, his things atop a medium-sized, rectangular storage chest in the corner...
“…Just a dream.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, he reluctantly slid out of bed, recoiling slightly at the cold touch of the floor on the bottoms of his feet. It was moments like these that made him wish he knew even a few spells. The entire room seemed to creak loudly as it lurched to one side, the ship rocked by the violent waves. Steadying himself, he rubbed his eyes and yawned.
" ’Smooth ride’, huh?”
When the ship finally leveled out and Taka felt he could move about safely again, he did so, heading over to the lockbox in the corner and kneeling down by it. He pulled his comfortably worn dark leather boots off the box and onto the floor, then slid them on one by one. Then, he attached his pouches to his belt, and stretched the remaining dredges of sleep from his body.
Afterward, he headed over to the small mirror that sat atop a dresser alongside the leftmost wall.
In this lightless room, he could just make out his defining features; a sharp nose, and roughly chin-length deep brown hair complimented by his hazel eyes and pale skin.
“My hair’s a mess…”
Grumbling, he spent a few minutes combing through it with his fingers and wishing he’d brought a comb. When his hair seemed somewhat acceptable, he adjusted his scarf, then nodded.
“That seems good enough. Okay… Already dressed, so…”
He had on a fitted black top and pants; both were accented dark brown. His top was striking in that it had no left sleeve, and completing the ensemble was a long dark brown leather glove ending at his shoulder.
Making his final adjustments, Taka turned from the mirror, and returned to the lockbox.
“Almost forgot.”
He muttered, bending down to grab his shortbow and quiver from atop it. Slinging the bow around his shoulder and tying the quiver to his waist just above his pouches, he gave a final nod.
“Right.”
One last time, Taka scanned the room.
‘Don’t want to forget something on accident…’
When he was sure he had indeed not forgotten anything, he left the room behind for the bottom corridors of the ship.
‘Alright…’ He exhaled a nervous breath. ‘Guess I’ll get something to eat.’
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That's all from me, for now. This is the year! This is the year I finish my book, i'm so close, i'm so sad, and i'm so excited and happy!
