No But Literally When You Think About Everything From A Realistic Pov It's So Crazy - Tumblr Posts
Imagine you live in a tiny coast town in idk fucking Georgia or something. Everything is fine and dandy but one day King Charles and the Pope publicly declare war on your town because the pope told him your mayor kidnapped Prince William. Then, you remember that one guy Will who showed up like four months ago and is pretty quiet and keeps to himself and doesn't do much besides sit in the fields all day. Everyone starts searching for him to get King Charles off your backs only to realize he has completely disappeared.
This also does absolutely nothing to explain why the Pope is backing King Charles, UNTIL you remember your Mayor's DA is actually the Pope's BROTHER who ran away because he didn't want to marry some random royal person he didn't know. Little do you know, that the rando royal is actually Prince William, who has been kidnapped for real this time- by the pope- but is being held in an underground bunker in the okefenokee swamp.
Anyways, you're trying to figure how the fuck your town of maybe 300-ish people is going to fight the british navy and fucking spanish inquisition. The mayor, handling this remarkably well, makes two phone calls. The first to the Mayor of Washington DC, who is lending you the national guard since your mayor saved him while he was being held captive by an anarchist terrorist group one time. The second is the governor of Louisiana, who agrees to lend some humanitarian aid because your mayor walked his daughter home after she got lost on a chicken farm once. Then, the pope decides to pillage and raze the fuck out of Louisiana, partly because they were offering to lend aid, but mostly because the pope knows the governor's son is your mayor's side piece.
Now, your tiny town is full of the national guard and 20,000 cajuns that are simply itching to terrorize some monarchists. Also that bishop that you were pretty sure was just spying on your town comes in and denounces the pope and offers to fight for your mayor. Lastly, your mayor meets King Charles and the Pope at the town limits, and the mayor, ever wanting peace, offers to marry the pope, who takes a confusingly long time to say no.
Then the battle happens and your army of the national guard and 20,000 cajuns absolutely rock their shit before things start to turn for the worse and just when all seems lost Prince William shows up and absolutely decks King Charles in the face, throwing such a legendary haymaker thrown hard enough to be heard throughout the whole battle, ending the fighting instantly.
The Battle of Phoenix Drop was fucking wild.