Not My Rant - Tumblr Posts

ranting about and rating simon's outfits, based on (presumed) functionality and overall appearances. under the cut because i WILL talk a lot.

editing this afterward, i think i'll just make this into parts lmao,,, right now, this is about simon's CV1 version specifically!! :D

be warned; i am in no way a professional with armour or anatomy or whatever so i might get terms incorrect... (-vv-;)

starting off strong with CV1 simon, also known as conan with bleached hair. i love him.

now, considering this is simon belmont, there's a lot of leather in this design!! leather shorts(?!), his chestplate definitely has some sort of leather on it too (same goes for his pauldron. either that or some sort of general thick cloth, based on the way it's sewn? i'm not too sure...), and his belt + loincloth is, of course, also leather. i'm not sure what the purpose of those flowy leather straps on his hip is (is it just for decoration?) but it does definitely add some flair.

leather is good!! it provides both protection and durability. considering simon uses a long-ranged weapon, i think it's pretty useful to wear something more flexible, like leather! he does also have a few metal accents on his outfit as well, such as his arm bracers, but i've heard they might hinder his movement as well, so i have mixed opinions on those. maybe leather gloves instead?

he also has a few metal accents on his belt / loincloth as well, which i'm sure is pretty heavy (0_0) but also adds more flair. it also adds some semblance of convenient groin protection, and it looks nice!! :3 his boots also have fur in them, so at least they're comfortable and warm, i suppose. they also look interesting. not much else to say about that, though...

i'm not sure what the purpose of his circlet (headband? tiara?? i've seen all those terms used for it, haha) is. i mean, clearly it should provide some sort of head protection, but i feel like a helmet would just be more functional.

also, i'm sure that this is a silly idea, considering it might hinder simon's movement as well, but i'm sure some sort of knee pads or poleyns would help for added leg protection, i guess?? considering there are arteries that run through the legs how simon tends to fight creatures that literally want his blood, i'm sure that even though it may not be extremely necessary, i just think that some sort of wraps or straps on his legs and knees would help. his legs are very vulnerable here!

he doesn’t seem like the type of man to enjoy wearing pants (considering almost all of his designs depict him in shorts, haha), so maybe an alternative, such as padding or gauze wraps??, would help do the job.

anyway, as for functionality, i give CV1 simon's armour an 8 or 9/10. definitely does the job, but i still feel like there's a bit of room for improvement.

as for design, i really like this! it's a classic (hehehgeh get it. classic? classicvania? ehsvehhege), it has a lot of interesting elements, a natural, simple-yet-interesting colour scheme, and it just ties a lot into simon's whole "barbarian" schtick, which is also very memorable. 10/10.

tldr; functionality: 8/10. design and appearance: 10/10.

wowie zowie!! another one!! simon again, hwhegewh. second installment in my KRABTLASBCO rant series!! of course, this one is about CV2! :3 akin to my previous rant, this one is under the cut! wahoo, more yapping!!! ^_^

(⚠️ tw for discussions of rotting/decaying alive, basically [simon's curse] ⚠️)

MAIN MAN!!!!! SIMON'S QUEST SIMON!!!!! YEAAAGGHHH THAT'S MY BOY!!! ((resounding clapping and cheering))

i. Love this design. so much. i'd say off the bat that this is pretty functional!! but for sad reasons. :(

this outfit is a stark contrast to what we see in CV1. instead of a bunch of armour with lots of leather and metal accents, now we get simon in some sort of bodysuit, along with all-metal armour! additionally, simon doesn't have his cool headband in this one, which honestly makes me feel a little bit sad for some reason.

anyway, i can't really tell what sort of material the bodysuit even is, at least not with proper historical context. 💀 i would say that it could be leather, but the way the fabric wrinkles around simon's ankle despite the rest of it practically being vacuum-sealed on him, along with the way it's shaded, i honestly have no idea. probably some sort of cloth, but still,,, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

same goes for his boots, now that i'm taking a better look at them. they're a different colour than the rest of his bodysuit – the latter being a dark, blueish black (?) and his boots being a rather easy-on-the-eyes silver – but they're also vacuum sealed.

hell, they don't even really look like boots all that much; you can't see any buttons or laces or actual soles or anything. i mean, there is the possibility that simon put some sort of padding or insoles on the bottom of his feet before he squeezed himself into the bodysuit, but that's the only possibility i can really think of... (╥﹏╥)

and, for functionality with the bodysuit, i have no idea! i mean, considering simon is literally rotting under there due to his curse, the fabric of his bodysuit definitely does the job (at least somewhat...) of literally holding his body together. so that means that it should at least be durable, which is good.

considering, once again, that My Main Man Slimeon is pretty much about to collapse at this point, the bodysuit helps with that. it also aids general protection; his entire body is covered (along with the all-metal armour; more on that in a bit) in fabric (??), which shows that he's just less vulnerable. he has his guard up even more because why would he want to get cursed or just maybe even heavily injured in general AGAIN??? 💀

now, speaking of the all-metal armour, it is EVERYWHERE lmao. plus, there is armour in the places i talked about with CV1 simon! his knees and elbows are protected!! he also has pauldrons on BOTH sides!!! bringing back the loincloth motif from CV1 but this time it's metal!!! yeeeaaaaaaaghhh, awesome!!! :0

the armour isn't too thick, so it shouldn't hinder his movements too much. maybe. i'm just going with the assumption that although simon wants more protection in this armour, it wouldn't be heavy as to ruin his agony-riddled body even more, here. i dunno, that's just what i would do...

all-metal armour is definitely a wise choice! it seems our poor goober learned the hard way from getting cursed!! ahaha...hahaaa.... somebody please save him

anyway, my point still stands!! metal armour is obviously more fortified than leather. it's thicker and harder to cut through! (D:>...) but the poleyns and pauldrons, along with the chestplate and everything else just being metal? definitely more strong. i'm sure simon's willing to sacrifice a bit of flexibility in turn for overall protection. now, i still have no idea about the boots, gloves, and bodysuit overall, but otherwise i rate this armour a 10/10 in terms of strength and functionality.

now, for design and appearance!! (^vv^)

this design is also very, very memorable for me!! i do definitely miss the headband, but the bold, colourful armour makes up for it! i absolutely adore the gold and bejeweled accents! they really stand out in the armour, and the main purpleish red as the base colour for his outfit is pretty recognizable as a Simon Colour™, especially in his SSBU design (which i will also explore later :3)!!

although i have absolutely no idea what the idea for simon's gloves and boots was, i do still like them regardless!! the silver in contrast to the gold and maroon-ish/byzantine main accents really stands out!

ALSO. THE BOB??? god damn simon!!!! i honestly prefer him with longer hair because it's easier to draw, somehow... but i feel like that just makes this outfit even more unique! more people recognize simon with hair that's a tad longer, but this goofy little guy has SHORTER hair. very interesting!!! 10/10!!

tldr; strength and overall functionality: 10/10. appearance and overall design: 10/10.