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You know what I would really love to see?

Bisexuals, pansexuals, omnisexuals, asexuals, and greysexuals included in dark academia.

And when I say that, I don’t mean “I want to see more gay content and more single people content.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m always up for more gay content and more single people content, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I want to see a bisexual girl slowly fall in love with an omisexual boy while they debate each other over the historical evidence for Alexander Hamilton’s possible affair with John Laurens according to the letters left behind. I want them to meet up for black coffee and tea afterwards and end up laughing about their exes using bushels of diverse pronouns for past loves. I want their relationship portrayed as the queer romance it is. Because bi and omni people are queer. And that’s queer.

I want an asexual boy who sits up late in the library because his roommate brought someone home and he wants to finish reading Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. I want another student to notice the title of the book and immediately come over to ask his opinion on whether Sun Tzu would agree with Machiavelli on methods of keeping power. I want the relationship to escalate to a friendship. I want it to escalate into a romantic relationship. I want him to never feel pressured into sex because his partner loves him for his whip-smart mind and humanity, not his body. Because ace folk are queer. And that’s queer.

On a similar subject: I want an aromantic person to slowly become better and better friends with the girl who is their roommate. I want them to admire her witticisms, her strength in the face of adversity, her analysis of Ulysses. I want them to love each other as best friends. I want both of them to be happy with the relationship as it is, with neither worried that the other wants more. I want them to stay up late editing each other’s papers with together without it getting awkward late into the night. I want them to stay best friends even after she gets married to the woman of her dreams, meeting in person and online but also writing letters in heavy black ink with quill pens, because they are dark academics and friends. Because aro people are queer. And that’s queer.

I want to see two pansexuals go on a date to a production of Twelfth Night and ooh and ahh together as the characters jump between gender presentation because oh heck, the leads are all good looking. I want them to joke about whether the actor was hotter as Cesario or Viola on the way home. I want one to get so flustered while listening to their date talk about what turns them on that they ask “can I kiss you?” and swoop in the moment they get permission, leaving the other a little breathless. Because pansexual folk are queer. And that’s queer.

Gay folk? Hecking fantastic. I love y’all. You gays, lesbians, wlw, mlm, all that jazz—y’all are hecking great and I’m glad God made folk who are solely attracted to their own gender because look at you!!!!

(Also, though I don’t know if there are any straight people here: straight folk? You’re great too! We love talking about the queer content here because we rarely get spaces to talk about queer content, but don’t feel like you can’t come along for the ride. There’s no gate on enthusiasm for learning.)

But (as I’m sure everyone agrees) folk who like more than one gender and folk who like none at all are pretty spiffy too. And please remember the awesome attitude of “it’s queer screw you ivory tower you’re wrong and you know it” that runs heavy in the veins of dark academia extends to us too, because I think we sometimes forget that.

Thank u for ur time. Eat a bagel or something. They’re good.