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star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 18

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 33K

warnings: cursing, drinking, mature content, heavyyyy angst, mutual pining, sexual tension, jealousy, unrequited love, mature language, dirty jokes, arguments, whipped hyunjin, a big confrontation, lots of heartbreaks, mentions of diet, mentions of threats, toxic idol culture, a scene of unwarranted sexual advances! (not from hyunjin)

a/n: whew, this is another big chapter and picks up from hyunjin's pov after he moved back to the city, hope that's not confusing! there's a lot of toxicity surrounding idol culture, and features mature language and content throughout. please read the warnings to make sure you're comfortable with everything. this fic has taken a life of it's own, and im really enjoying focusing on yn's character arc, along with the obvious lovestory. this isn't a feel-good chapter, it features a lot of angst and uncomfortable situations, but i promise things will get better after this! anyway, this was very fun to write and picks up on one of my favorite arcs of this story. please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

Five Months Ago.

The electric blue guitar in Hyunjin’s hands felt familiar. He adjusted the strap around his body, he was getting used to the weight of it again. It had been a while since he’d touched it, fingers skimming over the strings. If he focused on this, he could ignore the blaring lights in his face. 

“Still not used to the spotlight, Jinnie?” Jisung asked, elbowing him in the stomach. Hyunjin doubled over, avoiding another attack from the man, “Ouch. The lights are brighter than I remember”

“Well, how else will they get our pretty faces on camera?” Jisung grinned, stepping in front of him, and thankfully blocking the heat of the lights. 

“I’m…really hot” Hyunjin declared, drops of sweat dripping down his forehead, “I hope they can fix the cooling in here”

Jisung sighed, lifting his guitar to help him tune it, taking the weight momentarily off his hands. As he did that, someone stepped up to Hyunjin, a little electric fan and makeup palette in hand, “Can you please hold this? Your makeup’s running”

“Sorry” He apologised, even though it was no one’s fault. The stage equipment and lights made the set far too hot, the air conditioning was broken and they’d only just begun. Hyunjin couldn’t fathom what the full day of filming would look like. He held the little fan to his face, the cool instantly relaxing his muscles with relief, shoulders sagging from tension. Jisung stood between them still, trying to tune his guitar and the makeup lady awkwardly stepped closer, patting down the foundation on Hyunjin’s cheeks, “Did you tan when you were away?”

“Um, I suppose. I was out in the sun a lot” He responded, but realised quickly that she didn’t really want a response. She was berating him because his usual foundation no longer matched him. Her lips pulled into a thin line, “You should be careful”

Hyunjin’s eyebrows shot up. Careful about…what exactly? When he was in Daejon, swimming in the Creek, or lounging away in the sun, his first concern wasn’t exactly putting on any heavy sunscreen. He was away from the world of…such.

“He just doesn’t know his face would cost the company millions of won" Jisung joked. It was irresponsible, sure, but he had more important things distracting him at the time. At the memory of the bright Daejon sun, Hyunjin smiled, closing his eyes briefly to revel in the memory. If he thought hard enough, the blaring spotlights could almost replicate the southern summer sun. It was hard to get lost in his imagination though. The lady was prodding and poking at his face, turning him this and that side so she could fix him. This wasn’t the time.

“There. Try playing it now” Jisung said proudly, standing up straight and letting go of Hyunjin’s guitar. So he played a tempo to test it, and the music seemed perfectly fine now. In the end, it was futile anyway. The company didn’t allow them to play live in the music video. Apparently they had no faith that the boys wouldn’t mess up the instruments after such a long hiatus, and there was no time or money for retakes and reshoots. So, they would only pretend to play, and lip-sync the words and hopefully someone in the editing department would make it seem real. Still, Hyunjin was going to try his hardest to genuinely play. He hated pretending.

“Close your eyes,” The lady mumbled, an annoyed tone that frankly felt unwarranted. He followed the instructions, and felt the tip of a brush poking at his eyes as she reapplied some of the darker eyeshadow. The concept for this album was pop-rock, leaning heavily into the rock, and so their makeup was inspired from the 1980s world of rock.

“Did I do something wrong?” Hyunjin asked, as she used a little too much force on him, making his eyes water under the sharp brush.

“Hmm?” She was none the wiser, and he suddenly wondered if he should backtrack, but he wouldn’t be able to continue the filming knowing one of their makeup artists was possibly mad at him. “You…seem upset” He said. 

A sigh followed, “I’m not upset, I just think you should take better care of yourself. Jisung was right, you know? Your face does cost us thousand of won. I understand you’ve just come back from vacation but if you don’t do your job, it’s very difficult for me to do mine”

“Right” He nodded, sudden guilt overwhelming him, “Can I open my eyes now?”

With the confirmation, he did and looked at her, “I’m sorry, I’ll be more careful in the future” 

She smiled, pulling at his cheek, “It’s good to have you back, kid”

Within seconds, the set jumped back to life. Chan ran onto the stage, getting into his position, and Changbin followed. They were both visibly upset, due to the company not allowing them to sing live, but years in this industry had made them numb to some of that anger. Hyunjin took his place on the stage, as the cameras adjusted and thirty-something people gathered before them, ready to film. He wished he could sneak one look in the mirror before filming, for the reassurance that he didn’t look like a total clown, but he trusted the kind makeup lady. 

“All right, boys” Chan looked at them, microphone stand in his hands, “From the top, yeah?”

The backing track began on cue, and Hyunjin’s heart pounded like it hadn’t in ages. Maybe he wasn’t prepared to do a full-fledged music video shoot so soon after the hiatus. Did he even remember his chords right? The audience may not be looking at his hands, but he sure as hell would be. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking in a breath, hoping he didn’t mess up for the sake of their team. Millions of people would watch this. Thousands would instantly know they weren’t actually singing, and he had grown tired of the accusations. Most of those people would be rooting for his failure, and he could imagine the myriad of hate comments about how Hyunjin should never have returned to the band. Maybe it was a mistake being back in the spotlight so soon. Chan’s hand landed on his shoulder, startling him. He leaned in to whisper, loud enough for only Hyunjin to hear, “Forget everyone else, Jinnie. She’s going to love this”

A surprised smile tugged on Hyunjin’s lips just as the spotlight hit him, and the camera began rolling.

»»————-

Later that night, Jisung crawled into his bed. He pulled the blue comforter off Hyunjin’s aching legs, settling cross-legged across him. The filming had taken a toll on him, and he’d really let himself go when he was away. It usually took a lot more to get him this tired, and he was still adjusting to this new schedule. Jisung leaned against the wall, releasing a sigh of contentment. This had become second nature to them, a routine to sit, talk, and catch up on the past few months of summer. They’d stayed in touch through text, but it wasn’t the same. Some nights, they’d go for a walk, find an open barbecue place, and eat into the early hours of dawn. Other nights, they’d stay in the dorm and order some cheesecake, and Jisung would tell him everything he missed. Every anecdote, each funny moment, painstaking details of how many different ways he’d embarrassed himself. Hyunjin had missed a lot, so he’d sit and listen to the tales of the city that he’d pined for all this while. It was good to return to the life he’d left behind. Everything was different here, and sometimes it felt like summer had existed in a void away from the world. Jisung would also ask him about his hometown, but Hyunjin never knew where to start, so he preferred to listen to Jisung instead. He had a lot more to say anyway. 

Tonight was different. Jisung asked him about you.

And that wasn’t the routine.

“I don’t really know what you want me to tell you” Hyunjin laughed, and they were both tucked into blankets, like kids bonding at their first sleepover. 

“You’ve talked about this girl all freaking summer, and now you have nothing to say?”

“Well, yeah, you already know everything” Hyunjin mumbled, flush rising up. They never had this dynamic before, this…sharing of crushes, or whatever it could be called. Jisung was usually the one in relationships out of the two of them, and Hyunjin would never bug him about it. Not until Jisung told him himself. So, Hyunjin didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, I know the shortened version you sent over text, but…how’d she react when you said you’re coming back?”

Hyunjin swallowed, memories flashing through his mind of his last night in his hometown, “She was really upset”

“Upset, like…didn’t talk to you kind of upset, or…had sex with you before you left— upset?”

The words sent a flush up Hyunjin’s neck, and he knew this was exactly what Jisung wanted. This was his intention. To embarrass him. To celebrate this new dynamic, when Hyunjin was the one with a stupid crush and not the other way around.

“We didn’t have sex” He clarified. Jisung’s eyes widened, “Really? Not even on the last night?”

Hyunjin leaned his head against the wall, playing with the threads of the blanket. The last night was complicated, for all the right and the wrong reasons, so he settled for the most matter-of-fact answer, “I didn’t have any condoms”

“Shut up, I know that’s not true. I sent you like a huge box your first week in Daejon. Don’t tell me you never used them…”

Hyunjin laughed at the memory, “Thank you for that Jisung, but…I’d already packed it away. I didn’t really expect anything to happen anyway. I thought she’d be too upset at me for leaving”

“So…that’s the only reason?”

Hyunjin swallowed, knowing that if perhaps they’d had an hour longer together that night, things would probably have led straight to that, condoms or no condoms, “Well…we were out of time”

“You spent months with this girl. How were you out of time?”

Hyunjin sighed, “There was no right moment. I didn’t want it to be rushed—”

“No rush? As if you wouldn’t bust a nut as soon as you’re—” Jisung was interrupted with a smack in the face by a pillow, voice turning high, “Ouch! What’d you do that for?”

“I’m not talking about this anymore” Hyunjin laughed, the red reaching the tips of his ears.

“That’s pretty unfair, you know. I used to tell you every detail of my relationship with Mae, down to the nitty-gritty details”

Hyunjin looked up at him. It had been a while since he’d talked about Mae so freely, and he swallowed, “How are you holding up?”

Jisung’s smile fell, humorous demeanour disappearing in seconds, “She’s happy now”

The statement meant so much more than he let on. Happy now. As in, she wasn’t happy before, when she was dating Jisung. Thinking back on it now, their breakup had been explosive, and it seemed like Jisung was still picking up the pieces. Was this what the rest of Hyunjin’s life would look like? Surrounded by miserable relationships destroyed by their careers. He can’t recall the last time he witnessed a love story with a happy ending. He sighed, “That sucks man”

Jisung shrugged, “It is what it is”

Hyunjin stretched out his legs under the blanket, letting out a soft groan, “Man, my limbs haven’t hurt like this in ages”

Jisung rolled his eyes, “You’re getting soft, big boy. We’re hitting the studio tomorrow at six. Album release is only a month away now”

His phone buzzed and he reached for it immediately. “Is that her?” Jisung asked, smiling.

“Yup” Hyunjin typed in a quick text to you, “She’s…telling me about her day”

“Is that all you guys do?” Jisung asked, a smirk on his face, scrolling up on their chats, without permission. He let out a dramatic gasp, “What are you writing her all these long-ass paragraphs for? It feels like I’m reading a book. Big red flag. At least break it up into multiple texts”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “I mean, there’s a lot she’s interested to know about my life here. I like telling her what we’re up to. If you see it from an outside perspective, it’s pretty cool. She really loves it”

Jisung laughed, eyebrows wiggling like a kid, “Uh-huh. Sure. That’s what she loves”

Hyunjin sighed, rolling his eyes, “Stop. We’re just…really close friends now”

“Does she know that?”

He didn’t like this conversation anymore and what it implied. He informed him for the umpteenth time, “I told her from the start that I don’t do relationships. She knows.”

Jisung was still scrolling through their chat, probably hoping to find something steamy but stopped at the media that Hyunjin had shared, letting out a gasp, “Wait a minute. Have you been sending her our studio recordings?” 

“Yes” Hyunjin frowned, “She likes those”

“You know, Eunwoo would have a heart attack if he knew you were leaking unreleased music”

Hyunjin sighed. Jisung was always so dramatic. “I’m not leaking anything. It’s only to her. She’s not going to show anyone”

“And how do you know that?”

“I trust her” Hyunjin’s reply was automatic, “More than anything”

Jisung smiled, eyes crinkling, tilting his head, “Even more than me?”

He chuckled, grabbing his phone back, “Shut up”

»»————-

He had been waking up earlier than usual, and he’d find himself at the kitchen table first thing in the morning, watching the sun rise through their apartment window. It was always fun to greet the boys as soon as they woke. He’d missed them for so long and he was trying to cherish every moment with them. Jisung would joke about how obsessed he was with them, often hovering like a parent around the house in the morning, waiting for their kids to wake up. It was strange because Hyunjin wasn’t an early riser, but his thirst to spend time with them overpowered his desire to lay in bed. He sat at the kitchen island scribbling ideas in a little journal Changbin bought him. It had admittedly become his diary, filled with crazy ideas, midnight thoughts, and sketches for paintings. 

The dance practices had got easier in the past weeks, and his limbs felt lighter. It almost took no time for him to get back to normal, sucked into the whirlpool of obligations that his life offered. There were so many interviews, press junkets, editorials, and he was back in the studio every night. He’d missed that grandly — getting to work on the music and, for the first time, writing his songs into the album. All of that made everything else worth it — like when they couldn’t leave their dorm because it was surrounded by paparazzi. They’d crowded around the building, hoping to get a glimpse at or any comments out of Jisung. Unfortunately, Jisung was still in the middle of a huge legal battle with the media that had leaked every detail of his personal life and relationship. Hyunjin didn’t understand how Jisung managed to still be so sane, after something like that rocked his world.

But slowly, he carved time in his life to start painting again, between schedules of course. An art shop in Hongdae was perfect for his needs. It was small and convenient, and he could be away from the public eye when he was in it. He found time for you. In changing rooms, backstage, in five-minute breathers between practice, he’d text you when he could. 

“You’re up early” Chan smiled, and Hyunjin looked up at him. He was already dressed, and he moved towards the light switch, turning them on, “You’re drawing in the dark?”

“It’s peaceful” Hyunjin hummed, “On set…it’s always too bright”

“Ah. Right. What are you sketching this time?” Chan moved over to him, glimpsing into his diary. 

“Just…a rough map of home. I’m writing down all the places, I wanna remember it. I don’t know when I’ll go back”

Chan smiled thoughtfully, “Is that your plan for the day?”

“No, actually, I was just about to head out to buy some flowers. I really want to draw some white hydrangeas, they won’t be in bloom for longer, and I’m hoping I can capture their whole life cycle”

Chan laughed, “Wow. It’s only six am and you’re already talking romance”

Hyunjin flushed, “It’s just for my drawings. I want to get better at observation. Speaking of, can I come watch you in the gym later? I…think I’ll draw you next”

Chan moved around the island, prepping a morning smoothie, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re flirting with me, Jinnie”

“Of course not” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, continuing to add details to his little map, right now he was adding the 7/11 between your house and Aera’s. 

“Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to be possible Jinnie. And…you’re probably gonna have to get the flowers tomorrow” Chan suddenly said, filling up the blender with ingredients.

Hyunjin frowned, “What do you mean?” But of course, Chan turned the blender on right then, so Hyunijn had to wait until he was done to find out. The loud whizzing sound filled the kitchen, and if the other boys weren’t up yet, they certainly would be now.

“Sorry about that” Chan apologised sheepishly, pouring the smoothie into four cups, and then eyed Hyunjin’s pajamas, “You should change into a coat, something warm. It’s chilly out”

Hyunjin tilt his head, suspicious, “Why?”

Chan slid him the smoothie, which Hyunjin hadn’t even asked for, and then grinned, “I’m kidnapping you”

“What?” He laughed, reaching for the cup anyway. He might as well start drinking healthy.

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet, Jinnie. She’s a prodigy, she owns like a gazillion art galleries across the country, and she wants to meet you”

“Since when are you interested in art?” Hyunjin hummed, trying not to gag at the taste of the drink. It was all protein powder and whey. Chan smiled at the sight, leaning forward on the counter, “Since my best friend started drawing masterpieces, of course. Go get changed. I’ll drive us there, and if we have time before going to set, we just might be able to buy your flowers”

»»————-

The paintings in the art gallery were beautiful, and Chan was a good sport, taking just enough interest in the art that Hyunjin felt important in explaining all the techniques. They’d wandered around for a while now, eyeing every exhibition. Enough time had passed as they stood observing the room of sculptures, and Chan nudged him. He was diverting his attention to a woman with a tablet in hand as she walked around the space. The apparent prodigy. She seemed busy, pushing buttons on the tablet as she inventoried the place, a flurry of rich visitors following her around. Hyunjin had seen her before, and he asked, “Does she work in our building by any chance?”

“She certainly does. Hey, Karina!” He suddenly called out, “This is Hyunjin”

Hyunjin went wide-eyed and awkward, certainly unprepared to meet someone so important out of the blue, but Karina seemed sweet enough. Her gaze caught his, widening when she noticed them. She whispered something to her über important guests, and then walked over to them, all prim and poise. She certainly looked the part of an art gallery owner, although Hyunjin had never seen one so young before. She shot him a smile, “Ah. I’ve heard so much about you, Hyunjin”

“Oh no” Hyunjin had a funny feeling in his stomach, “What did Chan say?”

She laughed, “Nothing too bad. He showed me some of your work”

“He what?” Hyunjin cringed, “I’m sorry about that”

She laughed again, “Don’t apologise. Your work’s pretty good. Even before Chan, you were kind of hard to miss actually. Your face is plastered all across the company building”

Hyunjin cringed yet again, clasping his hands together, “I’m…sorry about that. That’s embarrassing”

She laughed, “Not at all. So…do you like the collection?”

Hyunjin looked around, nodding, “Oh. Of course! It’s beautiful. I love the exhibit, and I can’t believe you have some Monet up too. That must have been hard to get”

She tilt her head, an admiring smile on her face, “It certainly was. The job’s not easy, but I enjoy it a lot. We try to stick to contemporary work, switching up exhibits every month or so. You’re lucky you caught us during Monet. We’re having those shipped back to Paris soon”

Hyunjin nodded, hands slipping into his pockets, “Paris. Wow…”

“Actually I don’t have too much time, so I’m going to cut to the chase” She smiled, “The reason I asked Chan if I could meet you was…if you’d ever be interested, I wouldn’t be opposed to hosting an exhibition for your work”

His eyes widened, a surprised chuckle escaping him, “What? I’m literally just starting out. Experimenting…I don’t even have a specific art style yet or much original work…”

Karina shook her head as if all of that was an afterthought, “We already know it’ll be a hit. You’re very loved, especially in Seoul”

He couldn’t wrap his head around it. Why would an actual, real-life gallery ever want to exhibit his work? He barely had work to begin with! All he’d done was post a few artworks on his Instagram, and mentioned that he liked drawing in an interview, “But I’m not a professional, by any means, I just…do it because I enjoy it”

She smiled, “Precisely. It’d be nice to give new artists a voice. Sooner or later, some art gallery is going to snatch you up. I’d prefer if we were the first. There’s a lot of interest in you by the public. It’d be a loss to not display your work. If there’s anything I learnt from Kim Jieong it was—”

“Wait, you know Kim Jieong?” Hyunjin forgot his manners, interrupting her, especially in such an excitement, but he couldn’t help himself.

Karina laughed, eyes narrowing, “Are you a fan?”

“No, but my girlfr-“ Hyunjin stopped in his sentence, clearing his throat, and he could feel Chan’s gaze burn curiously into him, “Um…one of my friends is. He’s her favourite artist in the world”

“Well…I wouldn’t give him so much credit” Karina spoke, clutching the tablet tightly, “But yes, I used to intern with him earlier”

He was too straightforward, but he didn’t care, “Do you think you could help me get in touch with him? I’m sorry, I realise that’s a big favour and—”

Her expression changed, “I don’t know, Hyunjin. My relationship with Jieong…is complicated. But, if you’d really like maybe I could help you set up a meeting or something”

“Really?” His eyes lit up, and the conversation had completely sidetracked but it didn’t matter, “That would mean everything to me. Thank you”

“Of course. I can’t promise anything. This may be TMI, but he and I aren’t on the best terms. He is a wonderful artist though. I’ll give him that”

“Thank you, Karina” He smiled, genuinely. A security guard came up, tapping her on the shoulder. She nodded at him, and then looked back at Hyunjin, “I'm sorry I have to get going, there's been an incident involving a spill in the impressionist gallery …but the offer’s always up for the exhibition, by the way. Eunwoo could give you my contact details. I think you’d made a great addition to my portfolio, Hyunjin”

He smiled, but all he could focus on was that she knew Kim Jieong. Hope festered in his heart that maybe now he could finally get you the chance you deserved.

»»————-

The Hydrangeas bloomed beautifully on Hyunjin’s desk. He’d been drawing them all afternoon, and he looked forward to seeing their state change as he came home each night from work. It felt silly, but summer flowers reminded him of you. The vase needed fresh water, and he stopped sketching to go up to the kitchen and fill it up. The boys were gathered around the dining table, just about to head out to the studio, and Chan was preparing cocktails. Hyunijn switched on the water tap, absentmindedly watching the vase fill up, listening to their conversations. 

Karina still hadn’t got back to him, but he was holding onto hope. It had only been a week since their conversation after all. His days since then had been busy so he couldn't worry too much about it, occupied by schedules, he’d also managed to squeeze in time for himself now. It seemed like going back to his hometown had been genuinely helpful. It had fulfilled its purpose. He’d come back to work, feeling a new kick in energy and joie de vivre. There was hardly any sadness like before, and that's all Hyunjin could have asked for from his little vacation anyway.

Since his return, there had been some changes to the company too. He’d discovered a new library, hidden in their building, somewhere on the fourth floor, and he’d been frequenting it during his breaks. Every morning, he picked a new book to read and would fixate on it for the next week and a half. Barely any employees ever came to the library, other than HR sometimes, and it was a nice escape. He could imagine that you’d really love the library, full of nooks and crannies begging to be found and thousands of books aching to be read.

He discovered he had an affinity for poetry, and some poems never left his mind. There was one in particular by Kim Yong-Taek that occupied all the space in his head. 

눈 내리기 전에 / Before the snow falls,  한번 보고 싶습니다 / I would love to see you.

They felt real, as if they’d been written only for him, and shivers often ran up his skin as he stood reading them quietly, a deep ache in his heart at the familiarity of the words. It was crazy that something written hundreds of years ago could capture exactly what Hyunjin was feeling right now. He hoped he could make music that felt the same to others. The longing in his bones only got worse each day, and he was making a plan to fix it. Summer had been beautiful, even contending for his favourite season, but it was ending, and he would do anything to make autumn just as beautiful.

»»————-

Sleep clouded his vision, the song's melody blending with his drowsiness. It had been a week of rerecordings and they’d barely got any rest. Hyunjin tugged the headphones off, glancing at Chan through the observation window, “Was that a good take?”

Chan gave him a thumbs up through the window. His energy had been deflated too, but Hyunjin was hoping for a better response, “Are you sure? I can do another take. I think…it doesn’t sound as emotional as Jisung’s verse”

Hyunjin could only just about see Chan’s eyes, squinted over the mask he wore. The decision to cover his face was obvious; there was a little camera propped up in the studio, a way to film behind-the-scenes content for when the album finally released. Chan obviously didn’t want to be captured in this sleep-deprived state. Still, Hyunjin would have loved to see his expression, the microscopic changes in his face would tell him if he really loved the recording or not.

Chan nodded, weary eyes, “If you think you can do a better take, go for it, Hyunjin”

So he did, inhaling a breathful of air so he wouldn’t falter during his lines. He’d sounded too emotionless and mechanical and they were recording a love song. He had to pour his feelings into it, so he closed his eyes. The lyrics were embedded into his brain anyway. 

Chan began the backing track, and Hyunjin let his thoughts drift... They wandered into a familiar memory, one he usually saved for bedtime and when he was alone. His mind kept coming back to it. It was so fresh, but each day it was fading away, slipping out of his grasp and he felt the need to bottle up the memory and store it in a safe forever, where it would always be remembered. The twinkling fairy lights of the Château, the blue paint puddle on the floor, the paint you spilled on his shirt, the heated and frenzied first, second…and third kisses. The moment had been so short-lived. He had been so vulnerable that night. You’d seen him that night, truly seen him, and he still felt surprised at how much he’d divulged in you so easily. It was the realest he’d ever felt, like the rest of his life before and after was just a charade for his friends, for the cameras, for himself.

Maybe it was only with you that he was the real Hyunjin. The teasing and laughs over the chocolate strawberries and paint easels had been second nature and strangely familiar, like it wasn’t your first time doing this together, as if you had both been falling into patterns and habits of centuries ago. The most innocent actions felt crude, and cruel. Crude to kiss your cheek but not take it further. Cruel to give in to a desire he could never fulfil. Maybe every other moment in his life had been fabricated except for that night, that would explain why he was the happiest then. 

“Shit…what was that?” A voice interrupted him. Hyunjin snapped open his eyes to see Chan staring at him in disbelief. The backing track had gone onto the next verse now. He cleared his throat, “Um. Sorry I….spaced out. Let me record that again”

“Are you kidding me? That’s the best take you’ve ever given us” Chan laughed, in disbelief, stepping into the recording booth, “You sold that to me completely, Fuck. You almost made me tear up. You should do more ballads, Jinnie. That was amazing”

Hyunjin blinked at him, holding onto his headphones tightly, so unaware of himself, “I…I didn’t realise it was that good”

“Come on. Listen to it” Chan grabbed his arm, leading him out, and replaying what had just been recorded. Hyunjin almost didn’t recognise himself singing. He’d never sang like this before. Goosebumps rippled up his arms and neck, and he looked at Chan, “You’re right. That one turned out…really good”

“Damn. You can convince the audience that you’ve lived a thousand lives, been through a hundred heartbreaks. You convinced me. That was so real”

Hyunjin’s lips tugged into a smile, and he pushed his hands in his sweatshirt pockets, “It felt real to me too”

Chan wrapped up the recording, and then happily turned the company camera off, “Do you know what this means, Jinnie?”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, grateful they weren’t being recorded anymore. 

Chan stepped closer to him, a growing smile on his face, “We fucking finished this album, baby”

»»————-

Hyunjin was changing the water in the vase. He’d been desperately trying to keep the Hydrangeas alive, but that had been a failing task. So he’d found some time to buy some Cosmos, hoping he could draw them instead. It was almost autumn now, and the flower in bloom had changed, so he kept trying to adjust to it. It was harder than he thought. Chan's voice distracted him, “Are you coming to dinner with us? We’re thinking of trying that new Italian place”. Hyunjin looked up at him, “Shit. Is it okay if I bail? I was going to call Y/N later tonight. She wanted to paint together”

His eyebrows shot up, a small smile on his face, “Paint together? Is that a euphemism?”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, switching the water tap off, “No. It's obviously not”

“Wouldn’t you love if it was?” Jisung smirked at him, walking into the kitchen. It seemed like all their serious, and unserious conversations often took place in this kitchen, their one common space. Chan laughed, “So how long will your paint date last? Should we bring you any takeout pizza?”

Hyunjin shrugged, glancing at the clock, “No, that’s okay, I’m not hungry. It’ll last a few hours maybe. Next week we’re going to be so busy with the press tour, I was hoping to finish a whole painting tonight. It’s easier if I’m doing it with her. I’m just more motivated then”

“There’s a word for that, you know?” Chan leaned forward on the counter, a teasing smile on his face, “She’s your proper muse”

Hyunjin laughed, not expecting him to say that, but he had been thinking about it. After all, that’s what had made the recordings so much easier. He was singing with you in mind. He denied it, “That’s really cheesy, even for you, Chan…”

“Eh, but it’s true. You should tell her that tonight”

Hyunjin smiled, already imagining your reaction to such a thing. He wouldn’t even know how he’d bring it up. Wouldn’t it be too much? Would you be embarrassed? He could recall all the times he’d catch you off guard with his compliments back in Daejon, your expression as if he’d said the most insane thing ever when Hyunjin was just appreciating you. Fuck. He really needed to see that reaction in person again. 

Every perfect summer memory only added to the weight of his longing in fall, and he decided it was time, “I’m gonna invite her to come to Seoul”

Changbin stood across the hall, having just come out of his room to catch the last bit of conversation. His eyebrows shot up, “You are…?”

Hyunjin swallowed, catching the boys' reactions as he revealed the plan, “I just bought the train tickets for her this morning, and while she's here she can stay in an apartment I rented out for her. It’s a few blocks away from ours, so she’s close enough to me, without it being suspicious”

Jisung frowned, “But if you rented it, your name would go down in the record”

“No, I already thought of that. I asked to use my aunt’s credit card, and she’s not a Hwang, so there won’t be any trace back to me”

Jisung leaned back in his chair, “You really thought of everything, huh? No loopholes?”

“No loopholes” Hyunjin nodded, hoping they’d approve of it because something like this would put them all under scrutiny and risk, “Well, as long as she says yes”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Changbin frowned, crossing his arms, “If I was her, I’d jump at the chance”

“Yeah, I know you would. There’s an apprenticeship she wanted in the city…but she didn’t get it yet. She may not want to come here anymore…in case it reminds her of that”

“Is there any chance she can still get it?”

Hyunjin shrugged, placing his palms on the counter as he thought over it, “I don’t know how it works. I’m trying to figure it out”

Chan sighed, seeing his dilemma, “Hey, if it’s in the stars…she’ll get it. She seems talented enough from what you tell me about her”

“She’s hellbent on believing she can’t get it. I’m going to try to convince her to apply again. It’s kind of frustrating. Without connections, it’s so hard to make anything out of it. I mean, when we were at the gallery, you introduced me to Karina. It was so easy. She saw my work, and immediately agreed to a fucking exhibition. Sometimes it feels kind of unfair. What did I do to deserve that? I know there are hundreds of artists better than me who should be getting exhibitions, but…I’m getting it just because I’m famous. It feels weird and privileged”

Chan sighed, “Hyun…I know what you mean, but…it’s unfortunately how things are. And it’s not like you’re misusing this. The fact that you recognise it in the first place is sometimes all we can do”

Hyunjin let out an exhale, staring off into the distance, when his phone pinged. It was a text from you.

hey! im all set up here. ready when you are :)

Chan grinned, handing him a cocktail he’d just made, “Go on then. We’ll head to dinner and we’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Hyunjin smiled, rushing back to his room. In anticipation of this call, he’d already set up his work area. Ever since he’d been back, he hadn’t gotten too much time talking to you, so he would make the most of it. He set his glass down next to his MacBook, and laid out his canvas. Through the computer screen, he could see a glimpse of your room, which was messier than his. It had more personality, and it was more lived in. He realised he’d never had a chance to come to your place. He had a sudden urge to see how you set up your room and things, your little knick-knacks, the big teddy he won for you, your artwork curated over years. But from hundreds of miles of away, he could only see a little square of your life. You were biting down on a chip when he spoke, “I think you’re going to love the song I’m working on with Chan”

Your face changed, lighting up, “Yeah?” 

The connection wasn’t great, so all your responses were delayed, but Hyunjin hummed, proud, “It’s…a sexy, contemporary kind of R&B. I can imagine you liking it”

“When can I hear it?” 

He laughed at your eagerness, “We’re still writing it”

You nodded, going back to painting. He would surprise you soon with the ticket he bought you to Seoul, but he wanted to build up to it. Perhaps he could do a grand gesture, or leave you little hints to keep you wondering. He could only imagine how happy you’d be. He could show you his favourite places in the city, introduce you to the boys and you could finally see his life, in all it’s glory. It only felt fair after you’d let him into yours so warmly. He had fit into your life in town so easily, a puzzle piece falling into place, and he hoped he could make it the same for you. Obviously, there’d be less freedom, more restrictions but at least you wouldn’t be a stranger to his lifestyle anymore. Hyunjin took a moment to sip his drink, staring at his own work. getting the courage to say it, “Can I say something cheesy?”

“Yeah?”

He leaned over the webcam, so he could be infinitesimally closer to you, cheeks reddening, “When I get stuck in the middle of the writing process, I think of you, and it really helps”

He watched as you sat on your knees, curious, “What do you think about?”

He flushed, regretting how this made him sound so romantic when he wasn't trying to be, “You know…just our time together. Chan teases me about it. He says you’re my muse or whatever”

He saw your eyes widen, and a deep emotion overwhelmed you. He didn’t see you react more, and he wondered what this meant to you, what he meant to you right now, even so far away. You didn't say anything back. You must be holding it all in, just like him. Maybe you didn’t know how to put your thoughts into words. He couldn't blame you. Even after reading all the poems in the world, Hyunjin didn’t have the words either. Not enough anyway.

»»————-

It was supposed to be an informal gathering to celebrate the album, but it felt more like a full-fledged party. Their manager’s apartment had been completely transformed, no empty floor space as everybody from the company had gathered around for a hurrah. Hyunjin had a few drinks in his system already, enough to get him really going. He stood away from the crowd, tucked into a corner, phone pulled out, typing in a ridiculously cheesy message to you. The party was great, and he was so happy to have finished the album. All that was missing was you. The text started sounding far too cheesy, inspired by the love rot that the poetry books had filled in his brain, and slowly, it became more and more unhinged. The wine Chan brought must have got to his head, but he couldn't stop, all of his thoughts pouring out in a mixture of sentences that didn't really make any sense.

I want you here with me at this party. Fuck, it’s so dull without you. If you were here, we could just sneak off and…I would kiss you. Positively. My manager is here, the scary one, but he doesn’t have to know. Earlier, I was reading a book and there was an English word in it that reminded me of you. Saudade. I looked it up because I was so curious and it said it’s a state of melancholy for a beloved someone or something. I think that explains this ridiculous feeling I have when I think of you. I have it even when I’m not thinking of you. Like last week, when we were recording this one song. It’s like you’re here with me in everything. I guess what I’m saying is, I just want to kiss you really really badly and fuck I’m really drunk so I’m sorry for how this may sound but I just really need to feel you—

The phone was snatched from his hands, Changbin squinting to read the message, “Who are you texting in the middle of our party?”

Hyunjin flushed red. He was really drunk but he still noticed their manager to the side, and hushed, “Keep your voice down, Binnie”

He looked up, eyes wide, “Is this your idea of a sext?”

“What? no— it’s not a sext. I’m not sexting, what the hell”

“You’re like…weirdly poetic when you’re drunk”

Hyunjin closed his eyes, “Just…give me that”

He deleted the message. 

It was a bad idea to be sending you drunk messages anyway. He should just call you instead. Yeah. That sounded like a smarter, much better idea. Before he could dial your number, Changbin pulled him to the living room, and Hyunjin let himself be tugged along. Jisung was standing shirtless there, liquid smeared down his chest and abs. He was laughing, hair all messed up, clearly very tipsy, “Come on! Who’s next?”

Hyunjin did not intend to be a part of whatever this was, but Changbin pushed him ahead, “He’s up” But they were surrounded by company employees. Even the girl from the art gallery, Karina, was here and he flushed from the embarrassment. “I don’t even know what we’re doing” Hyunjin chuckled nervously, as Changbin hoisted him up over the table, handing him a quick shot to get the nerves out. Hyunjin downed it in a single sip, the liquid burning his throat. The state of his sobriety stopped him from protesting too much, until Jisung explained, “Body shots, of course. Pick your contender, Jinnie”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, looking around the bunch of people, none of whom he felt comfortable touching him, but he saw a few of the women shy away, “I…I don’t know”

“I’ll do it” Chan laughed, stepping ahead from the crowd, “If that’s okay with you”

Jisung certainly seemed to have enjoyed it, and he wanted to give it a shot. He could be chill with this, but he would definitely blame the alcohol in him for how easily he went down on the table, and how easily he let Chan unbutton his black shirt. The overhead lights were too bright and Hyunjin closed his eyes, and his head was spinning. The music was pounding in his ears, the marble countertop cold to his back.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this” He laughed to himself, swept up in the environment as Changbin dripped tequila over his stomach. The chill liquid tickled him and he immediately squirmed, sending a shiver down his spine. He felt embarrassed for his reaction. Clearly, he was a novice to this party celebration, but he was also enjoying the attention.

“You ready, Jinnie?” Chan asked, looking up at him with a comforting smile. Chan was definitely drunk too in order to pull a stunt like this in front of the employees. They were absolutely loving it though and he could hear them all cheer them on. They never got to see the members in a more unprofessional environment than this one, and Hyunjin hoped none of them changed their opinion of him after this. He gave a quick thumbs up, facing the ceiling as he felt Chan’s mouth near his stomach. He sucked in a breath in anticipation, cheeks flushing from all this attention. He was used to people’s eyes on him, but this was so different and intimate. Somehow, his self-conscious part disappeared just as Chan licked a stripe of tequila up Hyunjin’s torso. He squirmed, a giggle escaping at the ticklish feeling, and Chan held him down, hand on his thigh, laughing, “Stop moving! You’ll get it on the table!”

Hyunjin stilled with the threat of ruining their manager’s table, eyes still closed as Chan finished licking the rest up until his chest, and his stomach was in knots. He couldn’t help but imagine this situation differently. Would you have partaken in this with him? How would that have looked like? If it was you doing this to him, instead of Chan? The little party activity would definitely have turned into something else by the end of it…and he knows he definitely would not be able to resist, not when your tongue was on his stomach and you were so close to him. The image sent a rush of blood through his body, thoughts that he should definitely not be indulging in when his best friend was doing body shots off him, and Hyunjin immediately sat up, bumping his head right into Chan’s. “Ouch!” Chan exclaimed, clutching his forehead, “Careful, Jin!”

“Um, sorry” He swallowed, jumping off the counter, embarrassment lingering from how he'd stupidly turned himself on in front of everyone he knew, “I felt sick”

“No worries” Chan laughed, oblivious to his friend's thoughts, patting his shoulder as everybody around them continued cheering them on, “You did good”

Hyunjin walked away, feeling sticky now, and he tried to wipe off the remaining with a kitchen towel. If it was you, he would have let you go all the way, until every stripe of tequila was gone from his body. And then some more.

He buttoned his shirt up again, hands shaking from the buzz, blood rushing to the parts that needed his attention. He needed to hear your voice. You didn’t even know he was at this party. It was so inconvenient to be so far away, trying to convey all that he felt through a mere text or phone call. He stood to the side, shaky fingers pulling up your contact until he heard your voice on the other end. “Guess what?” Hyunjin grinned.

“What?” Your voice was soft on the other end, so calm, grounding him in his drunkenness. A stark contrast to the lively atmosphere of his party and he could think straight again. Hyunjin smiled, “We finished the album. Like, for real. Every track is actually ready. We’re at my manager’s apartment, all of us, and the whole crew. It feels so fucking good”

He felt excited to hear your reaction. He was grinning ear to ear, as you congratulated him. He’d heard that today many times, but hearing it from you was incomparable. You were proud of him. He giggled, stumbling out of the hallway, blood rushing to his head, “Jisung made me drink…far too much. I liked the wine, though; Chan found it in this cool store, but then me and Binnie…we did body shots, and guess what? Chan fucking did body shots too! It was so insane. He also invited the girl from the art gallery, which is so funny. Apparently, she has connections in our industry too. She’s the daughter of —” 

“Wait, you did body shots?” You interrupted him.

Hyunjin nodded, walking around, trying to avoid anybody being able to pick up on his conversation. So many people were in this tiny apartment, and he wished he had more peace and quiet to talk to you. “It was insane. Just like Seungmin told us”

“I…can’t hear you, Hyun” You spoke.

“Sorry” He apologised, walking off towards the balcony, “Can you hear me now?”

“Yeah, I can”

“Fuck. I miss you so fucking much” He mumbled, voice dropping, and the rest of this party was fading from his vision, tunnel vision to you and your voice on the other end, “Why aren’t you here?”

Hyunjin thinks the only way he can stop missing you is if you start visiting him in your dreams. He wonders what sorcery he needs to do for that to happen. Could he visit you in your dreams? So you never grow apart, and find each other every single night. “I miss you too….but you should get back to the party—”

Hyunjin failed to notice Changbin creeping up on him, taking the phone away, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that Y/N?”

“Give me the phone back, Changbin!” Hyunjin sighed, all his poetic declarations disappearing into the void. At this point, he thinks he needs to maintain another diary just to write all the things he wishes to say to you but never does.

“Hey!” Changbin was talking to you, “You must be the girl who stole him away from us for months and months. I have every reason to hate you”

“Stop!” Hyunjin exclaimed, realising their managers stood nearby and the commotion had caught their ears, “Don’t announce it to the entire party.” Changbin laughed, “So tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10—”

“Changbin, give me my phone back!” Hyunjin tried to grab it.

“Let me finish!” Changbin laughed. Hyunjin’s head began to ache when he saw Jisung approach their chaos, “Fuck. Is that her?”

“Jisung, can you please ask him to give me my phone back?” He sounded like a broken record, like all his primary functions had ceased and wouldn’t function until he heard your voice again. “Is that Hyunjin’s girlfriend?” Jisung asked, loudly. It was loud enough that their managers heard it, ears perking up and glancing at Hyunjin. One of their managers, Eunwoo raised an eyebrow, tilting his head. This was the first he’d heard of this, and goosebumps rippled up Hyunjin’s neck at what this could mean.

His voice dropped, stepping back towards his meddling friends, “Stop, Jisung. She’s just my friend. How many times do I have to say that, and don’t announce it to the party!”

“Then I can have her?” Changbin interrupted, oblivious to his surroundings. Hyunjin yanked the phone back, and he was pissed, but he wouldn’t blame them. They were only messing about. He let out a breath, “Hey, I’m so sorry. They…took you hostage”

Your voice sounded far away, resigned, “That’s okay. Don’t worry about it. You should enjoy the party, Hyun” Panic built up in his throat at the thought of you leaving, “No, no, I called you because I missed you”

“I can’t really even hear you,” You said, crushing his heart and soul to irreparable pieces. Maybe he was being dramatic, but perhaps he needed you to breathe, “We can just talk tomorrow. Please just have a good time tonight, okay?”

Hyunjin was ready to protest, bear his heart out to keep you a little while longer. What was the point of celebrating his success if he couldn't share it with you right now? Isn't that why he'd pushed himself so hard this time? So he could impress you with all the songs he'd written with only you in mind. He’d leave the party if he had to, just so you wouldn’t go. Before he could declare his insanity of wanting to talk to you, Eunwoo stepped closer to him. His eyes were narrowed, a tell-tale sign, disapproving head tilt. Hyunjin had lost the opportunity, and he said, “All right. I’ll call you later”

With no qualms about destroying the party's vibe, Eunwoo asked curiously, “Who are you talking to?”

“Nobody” Hyunjin panicked, hanging up. He shoved the phone into his pocket, and it burned into him. Eunwoo sighed, “I heard Jisung mention a girlfriend. Is there something you want to share?”

He shook his head, unease settling into him or maybe he was just about to throw the fuck up, “Can we…not talk about this right now? I mean, we’re at a party”

Eunwoo stared at him, as if dissecting all of Hyunjin's deepest, darkest secrets, gaze burning through him. Then he nodded with a smile, “Of course, Hyunjin. You should celebrate”

Hyunjin’s nerves calmed down and he began walking away. Maybe now he could return to enjoying the rest of the night.  But of course, Eunwoo stopped him, hand over his shoulder “We’ll talk about it first thing in the morning though. I want to see you seven AM, in my office”

Hyunjin suppressed a groan, bile rising up his throat at what this could possibly mean, “Oh. Okay”

Eunwoo patted his shoulder, before walking back to the party, “Don’t be late, Hwang”

»»————-

He definitely didn’t feel human stepping into the office, a mere three hours later. He hadn’t got any sleep. He had just enough time to head home, shower, and wipe the remnants of tequila off his stomach before heading here. The body shots didn’t sound like a great idea now. His shirt was sticky and ruined. His head hurt, and he was surprised that Eunwoo wasn’t hungover. He’d probably gouged on hangover soup last night, and he sat in a crisp suit-and-tie across the table. He looked up at him, cheery smile, “Morning, Hwang”

Hyunjin sat in the uncomfortable office chair, squinting against the lights that hurt his sensitive eyes, “Good morning…”

“Did you have a good time at the party last night?”

Hyunjin nodded, putting on a smile, “Yes. It was nice”

Eunwoo was their nicest manager, he’s the only reason Hyunjin had been able to go back home and he certainly liked him the most. He was miles better than Kim Soohyun, the guy who basically decided Hyunjin’s life. But now…it seemed like Eunwoo had been sent by his higher-ups to sweet-talk Hyunjin, “You certainly seemed to enjoy it, but sadly, I didn’t see too much of you. We would have liked to get a drink with you”

“Ah, I was with the boys most of the night” He answered. Could this meeting not have been an email? His head was pounding and he couldn’t focus on anything.

Eunwoo tilt his head, picking up on his irritation, “Say it. Whatever’s on your mind”

“No disrespect. I…just don’t understand why we need to talk about this right now”

“Why? Because it’s a Sunday and most people don’t have to go to work today, or because you drank too much last night?” He laughed, leaning back in his chair. There was a stress ball in his hands and Eunwoo kept tossing it back and forth. 

Hyunjin bit his lip, “No, I’m fine. I’m just a bit tired”

“Because it may be a day off for everyone in the country, but not for you. I’m sure you’re aware of that. After all, superstars don’t get to where they are by slacking off”

Hyunjin frowned, “I understand. Is there a specific reason you wanted to see me today?”

Eunwoo put down the stress ball in his hands, expression suddenly turning serious, “Look, kid. If I could turn a blind eye to this, I would. Trust me. I hate doing this as much as you hate hearing it, but Kim Soohyun was at the party too. He overheard things. I’m accountable to him, and you’re accountable to me”

Hyunjin sank into his seat, “So…am I in trouble or something?”

Eunwoo clasped his hands, “Depends…did you do something to get you into trouble?”

“No, I didn’t, Eunwoo”

He leaned forward on the desk, hands folded under his chin, “There was quite a lot of talk about a girlfriend last night. You never mentioned that to me”

Hyunjin let out a sigh, “There’s no girlfriend. The boys were dicking around”

Eunwoo gave him a tight-lipped smile, “Then, who were you talking to? On the phone when I saw you? Surely your parents wouldn't be awake that late”

“Just…a friend from back home. They’re not important”

“Look, Hyunjin. I hate to pry. Your personal life is entirely yours but not when it concerns your image or the company, or god forbid, the media. If you are dating somebody, you have to let me know so I can be prepared for when it eventually gets out to the media”

Hyunjin’s head began to hurt exponentially more and maybe he should never have called you last night, “I’m not dating anybody, Eunwoo”

Eunwoo nodded. Clearly, he didn’t believe him. He’d known and managed Hyunjin for years. He'd known him since he was fifteen. He could see right through him and wished he was a better liar. “You’re gonna have to give me more than that”

Hyunjin sighed, sitting up straighter as if that could convince him better, “She’s just an old friend, from back home”

Eunwoo raised an eyebrow, and then leaned back in his chair, “Okay, I’ll believe you. I hope you’ve already passed along the contract to her”

He frowned, “What, the NDA? I’m not dating her, why does she have to sign it?”

“Well yes, you’re not, but clearly you and her are close if you’re drunk calling her from a work party. She could have the wrong idea, if she goes around telling people a different story…that’ll be a problem”

“She is not going to tell anyone”

“You don’t know what girls can be capable of to get fame. An argument with you, if someone bribes her, if she sees any opportunity, she could go to the media—”

“Y/N is not like that” Hyunjin interrupted, a surge of bitterness ripping through at the assumptions.

Eunwoo’s eyebrows shot up, “Y/N…that’s her name”

He wished he could take back that information. It was too late. He released a breath, “Look, you’re not making her sign any contracts. We’re not romantically involved. There are no legal obligations. Am I not even allowed to have fucking friends anymore?”

Eunwoo closed his eyes, “Don’t get angry on me, Hyunjin. You’re not stupid. This is how it’s been for years. The rules won’t change for you. It’s going to be difficult to manage these rumors after you already took half a year off to yourself and with Jisung’s trial and Chan and Kairi’s…whatever the hell they’re doing. You say you’re not dating this girl, I’m going to trust you on that. But if at any point that changes or the girl goes to the news, the company will have to step in. For example, she talks to somebody about her…special friendship with you. Kim Soohyun won’t think twice before suing her for defamation”

Hyunjin saw red, and he clenched his fists as to not react. Defamation? “I get it, Eunwoo”

He nodded, putting a document on the table and sliding it to him, “If anything changes, you have to let me know. I have to be ready to release a statement”

“What, a statement…for what?” Hyunjin stared at the files. An NDA and a press release statement. This was absolutely insane. Nothing had even happened, and they were preparing for the worst case scenario. No, they were waiting for it. 

“You’ve been in this industry long enough, Hwang. We must inform the public and fanbase…if you’re in a relationship. If we keep it to ourselves and it gets out anyway, the backlash would be immense. Now, don’t worry. We can always try to keep her identity secret if you’re worried about her safety and with threats and everything, but—”

Hyunjin stood up in panic, blood rushing to his head, “That’s not happening. There’s not gonna be any threats to her…or announcements”

Eunwoo looked up at him, blinking blankly, “Okay… I appreciate the sentiment but that’s not entirely in your hands. The press tour starts today. All eyes are going to be on the four of you. The whole damn country is talking about you, Hyunjin. We can’t afford a scandal. Kim Soohyun has me in a tight grip. I have faith in you that nothing happens to throw that off”

He swallowed, nails digging into his palm from his emotions, “Yeah. It won’t”

Clearly, his plans of bringing you to the city to visit him were down the fucking drain. He’d be lucky if he could even get a phone call with you anymore. 

“Also if you’re using the company phone to stay in contact with her, I suggest you change that. It shouldn’t be traced back to us”

Hyunjin nodded, and he wasn’t even dating you but the worst was already happening. This was what he’d feared the whole time. There was no point. There was a bitter taste in his mouth and he asked, “Is that going to be all?”

Eunwoo nodded, “You should take these documents with you, just in case. HR were happy to print them out for me this morning. They also told me you’ve been hanging out in the romance section a lot in the company library”

So he had absolutely no privacy anymore either. Hyunjin snatched the folder, carelessly holding the files in his hand, with no intention of ever using them. He wouldn’t let the press statement or NDA document anywhere near you. In fact, they’d be tossed in the trash as soon as he was home. He headed for the door and couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He needed to decompress. He couldn’t show up to practice this pissed and this wound up. He’d explode, and the boys didn’t deserve that. 

Eunwoo’s voice stopped him, “Oh, and congratulations, Hyunjin”

Hyunjin turned around, gripping the doorknob in blind fury. It felt like a taunt, a joke. There was nothing to congratulate him for. He couldn’t even keep his friends close without it exploding into a big deal. What did he even have to be grateful for? He looked right at Eunwoo, and his lack of sleep made him more irritable, “For…what?”

Eunwoo smiled warmly, his entire demeanour changing, “The album pre-sales are the biggest we’ve ever seen. You’re a global superstar now. You should feel very, very lucky, kid"

»»————-

“Can you stand still for me, please?” The assistant responsible for touching up Hyunjin’s face asked. He nodded, letting her put rosy tint on his cheeks, blending it with the contour. He’d been here for what easily felt like hours, and through the mirror he could see that Changbin was just about done with his makeup. 

The week leading up to the release was always the hardest. Somebody tugged at his hair and he resisted the urge to grimace. They didn’t deserve his terrible mood; they were only doing their job. The hairstylist apologised, noticing Hyunjin’s sour expression, “Sorry. Eunwoo said we need to get started on your hair right now; the other boys are already ready.” Hyunjin nodded, letting himself be manhandled by three different women as they struggled to put his hair into braids, “Have you been using the product we gave you?”

“Hmm?”

“Your hair’s thinning out, especially the bleached roots” The lady mumbled, disappointed.

“Yeah, I have” Truthfully he’d forgotten, a grave mistake for someone in his industry, but he’d been too caught up in everything else. His stomach rumbled and he hadn’t had time to grab breakfast this morning, so he looked around until he spotted one of their assistants, “Rowoon, could you please get me some honey butter chips—”

“Stay still, please” The makeup assistant repeated. Hyunjin straightened up, speaking through his teeth, “…or ramyeon?”

Rowoon looked at him through the mirror, eyebrows shooting up, “Um. Are you sure? You have a pre-recording tomorrow”

“I…haven’t eaten since last night” Hyunjin replied.

“Last time you ate it…your face got pretty swollen, and you were pretty beat up about not looking great in the music show” Rowoon said, grimly smiling.

Hyunjin nodded, gut hurting at that memory of his swollen face, “Right. Never mind. Forget it. Thank you”

“How long are we filming for today?” Jisung asked, adjusting his headset in the back. Rowoon looked between them, “Well, you guys are booked until 4 PM”

Hyunjin’s eyebrows shot up, and he glanced at his phone. 6:43 am. Fuck.

Changbin walked by, patting Hyunjin on the shoulder, slipping toffees into his palm, “That’ll fill you up before the interviews”. The candy looked less than appetising, but it was his only option, and he reached to eat some, just as the lady stopped him to apply lip tint to his mouth. Today was going to be a long fucking day.

They were almost done with his hair, braiding it at the top of his head, secured with glitter barrettes. It was an elaborate hairstyle, and he feared he’d ruin it if he moved. It was like walking on eggshells, like his slightest touch would crumble things. Well, everything already seemed to be crumbling. Hyunjin hadn’t been in the best of moods since his talk with Eunwoo, and the possibilities of how everything could go wrong loomed over him. The worst he’d feared for was already happening, things set in motion and no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop it from worsening. The company knew your name. They knew of your existence. They’d already restricted him. There’s no way in hell Hyunjin would be able to bring you to Seoul, much less meet you in this city without a hundred documents or cameras being thrown at you. Slowly, all his happiness that had been built up carefully and precisely, was turning into bitterness.

“Have you seen Chan?” Rowoon asked, in the reflection of the vanity mirror. Hyunjin shook his head. He’d been sitting on this chair for forty five minutes straight. How the hell would he know where Chan was? The hunger and frustration was getting to him, and he shook his head, calming himself down.

“May I go now?” He looked up at the hair assistant.

She nodded, “Just no quick movements. The hairspray is still settling in”

Now that he could properly look at himself, it looked good. Having longer hair always set him at the mercy of experimentation for new styles, and often crazy accessories. He smiled at them, pushing the chair back to stand, “Of course. Thank you so much for your hard work. It’s beautiful”

In other circumstances, he’d snap a picture and send you, but…he’d been on eggshells with you too. Inadvertently, the conversation with Eunwoo had created distance. Hyunjin hated that because none of this was your fault. You shouldn’t be subject to this silence from him, but he was constantly looking over his shoulder, paranoid that he’d be caught and it was getting tiring. His carelessness at the party had led to this. He wanted to fully blame himself for not having any self-control when he drunk called you. Yet, a part of him knew that even without the doomed phone call, somehow everybody would have found out anyway. It was only a matter of time. Things never stayed stable for too long in his life.

He walked into the hallway, hoping to find an empty room. There were usually a few reserved for stage props. He could have a few moments to himself, just to talk to you. That could calm him down, and he could apologise for his distance. He didn’t know how he’d begin to explain what was happening to you. To anybody else, it’d seem like he was pushing you away and he hoped you understood that it was never his intention.

A door was ajar, sliver of light leaking out into the hallway. He stopped in his tracks, familiar voices inside. He didn’t meant to eavesdrop, but they were so loud, “What do you want me to say? I’m doing absolutely everything I can! Jisung’s trial is already—”

“Don’t bring Jisung into this…” Kairi’s exasperated voice interrupted, “What’s going on with him is different. You always do this, Chris! Why are you making this your problem?”

“I’m sorry? They’re my bandmates. They’re my friends. Of course I’m going to take their burden!”

“Jisung is an adult, he’s perfectly capable of—“

“I made a promise to all of them, Kairi. I’m not jumping ship when they need me the most” Chan sounded so frustrated.

She groaned, “I’m not asking you to jump ship. But Chris you haven’t slept in three fucking days! You’re…barely eating. This is not living”

Hyunjin didn’t know that, and his blood ran cold at the information as Chan replied, “This isn’t your problem Kairi. It’s…my problem to deal with. I have to make sacrifices—”

“I had to quit my job because of you, Chris!” She trailed off, Hyunjin’s eyes widened, and he flinched at the aggressive tone. He wasn’t new to their arguments, especially over the last month, but none were like this. This felt like the culmination of something that had been building for months, even years. Kairi was always so sweet, and her volume returned to normal, “I mean…I had to quit because of us. I made sacrifices too. So yes, it is my problem”

Chan’s voice dropped, “Well, I don’t want you to make sacrifices for me”

“That’s what people do when they love each other. I’m sorry but that’s just a reality you’re going to have to accept Chris”

“Do we…have to talk about this now? The interviews start soon, and I can’t focus on them—” 

“I’m so worried about you, Channie. I don’t know how you’re going to make it through the morning”

Chan groaned, “I don’t know either, but I have to do it for the boys. I can’t…let them down”

Hyunjin’s chest ached now, a different kind of pain settling in. Why were they all making sacrifices for each other? They were only in their twenties, pushing for their dreams; this instability shouldn’t be normal.

Kairi sighed, “See, that’s exactly the problem. Why do you always take the blame for everything? Even when Hyunjin was gone, you made it your mission to do damage control for him. Not everything has to be your burden”

At the mention of his name, he really should walk away and learn to mind his own business, but he couldn’t help but overhear, feet rooted to the floor as Chan’s voice softened with a new desperation and frustration, “They mean everything to me. You know that”

“They do to me too, Chris. I know this is a horrible time”

“Hyunjin?” He heard Jisung’s voice call for him in the hallway. He needed to head back. An entire press and interview team was waiting for them, only a few rooms over and if he listened any further, he’d be in no state of mind to answer questions. But of course as he stepped away, he picked up on the last bit of conversation, “Did you know HR gave Hyunjin the papers?” Chan laughed bitterly, “They’re already prepared for the worst”

Kairi sighed, and he could hear her footsteps as she moved closer to Chan. Only dread filled his stomach as he heard the next sentence out of her mouth, “That’s their job. You have to not make it your problem this time, Chan, I’m…so worried about your health. And that’s Hyunjin’s responsibility. He knew what he was getting into when he started seeing her. It was bound to happen. It always does.”

Hyunjin didn’t stick around to hear Chan’s response.

He had heard enough.

»»————-

“Hyun, can I come see you?”

The question was expected, but Hyunjin was shocked when you said it anyway. He froze, choking at his words. A few days ago, he would have been overjoyed at this. After all, he’d already bought the tickets and made all the arrangements for you to come see him, but…things had changed. It was too risky. He didn’t have the heart to tell you about his conversation with Eunwoo. What was the point after all? Hyunjin let out an awkward fucking chuckle, “W-what?”

“Um, sorry that sounds out of nowhere. I just…I really want to meet you. I miss you, and it sounds like you’re going through a lot. Maybe it’ll help.” Your voice was far away, drenched in longing.

It wasn’t out of nowhere, it was only what Hyunjin had been planning since forever. But nothing went to his fucking plans, “I…I’m not sure, Y/N”

Your voice deflated, disappointed, “Yeah?”

His heart broke, but it had become increasingly clear that it would be the dumbest idea ever to have you come visit. If anybody saw them…if anything got out…he wasn’t prepared to deal with that, “Yeah. Fuck, I’m so sorry but I…I don’t think I can meet you. Right now, with everything that’s going on, I honestly don’t have the time and…”

“Yeah. I understand” Of course you understood, no matter how shitty Hyunjin kept behaving. For once, he wished you’d actually yell at him.

“I’m sorry” He swallowed, and he could feel the life being sucked out of him.

Your response was sweet as usual, “It’s okay. It’s bad timing”

“It’s bad timing” He repeated, and Hyunjin suddenly had a horrible feeling that maybe this was the last straw. Things had slipped out of his control. Soon, eventually, you would too.

»»————-

The seasons were changing, but flowers bloomed all year long in Seoul, and so Hyunjin had prepared early. He’d bought the Camellia seeds so he could grow winter flowers on his own, and see their life unfold before his eyes. Even if everything else seemed to be falling apart, at least he could try to be consistent and paint his feelings away. The yellow falling leaves and orange tree cover taken over the city inspired his many paintings. Usually, you’d send him pictures of every little detail from back home, especially of changing landscapes and beautiful natural sights of town, but you hadn't shared anything the past week. He wondered what autumn would look like in Daejon. Now that his conversations with you were thinning out, he had an irrational fear that he’d never find out. 

“Everything okay?”

“Sorry?” Hyunjin snapped out of it, and Changbin looked at him, concerned. “You’re in your head again. Is something bothering you?”

Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed, “No, I’m good”

Changbin clearly wasn’t convinced, because his expression softened, and he reached a hand out, “Hey, why don’t you go wait in the car? I’ll bring the Americano out to you”

But he was so past being taken care of or worried about. So Hyunjin shook his head. The idea of waiting in the car sounded absolutely horrible right now. He needed fresh air, and he was perfectly capable of getting his own cup of coffee.

“No, I got this. Why don’t you let me get this for us?” Hyunjin asked, pushing his hands deeper into his jacket pockets. It was getting colder by the day, and even in this temperature-controlled cafe, he was cold to the bone. Changbin grinned, shooting him a cheesy wink, “Well, I’ll never say no to being treated by you”

A smile tugged at Hyunjin’s lips. Changbin could find the brevity in each situation. Hyunjin walked up to the cashier, placing an order for their usual. “Could I have two coffees, black, please?” He asked. The cashier, a girl probably in her 20s, smiled wide at Hyunjin, “Is that all?”

He glanced at the pastry counter, and everything looked so appetising. Yet he was on a diet and couldn’t afford to do this. Everybody would be so disappointed in him, “No, that’s all”

“Sorry, but do…I know you?” She asked, punching in his order. Hyunjin’s brows shot up, and he thought he’d concealed his identity enough with the hat, but clearly the rest of his expensive outfit was a dead give-away that was he was some big shot. They had another schedule after this, so they were dressed up and he was draped head-to-toe in luxury items, “Um. I just have one of those faces, I guess”

The girl didn’t look convinced, “Right…I’ll have your coffee out in a few minutes”

He stepped aside, joining his friend to the side. Changbin had a huge grin on his face still and Hyunjin was thankful to have his positivity surround him, “That chick was totally flirting with you”

“What?” Hyunjin shook his head, pushing the receipt in his coat pocket, “She barely said two words. You think everyone’s flirting with me”

“Well, why are her and all her friends giggling and looking at you?” Changbin rolled his eyes. Hyunijn looked back, and sure enough, the cashier and her coworkers were looking at him. Maybe they shouldn’t have come in here today. It was too close to the comeback. He shook that thought from his head. He was desperate for coffee.

“Excuse me, sir? Your coffee is ready” The girl said, and Hyunjin stepped back up. She was smiling, flushing red under her uniform cap, and as she handed them the cups he noticed a piece of paper stuck to it. Changbin glanced at it, eyes widening as they stepped away, “Is that her number?”

“I don’t know” Hyunjin mumbled, unfurling the paper. This definitely was the most romantic way he’d been asked out. It was her Instagram handle, and a note was stuck to it, Hope you liked the coffee, handsome. Maybe we could get a stronger drink later tonight? 

“Wow” Hyunjin’s brows shot up, and he pushed the note into his pocket too. It’d be thrown away later, “That’s…certainly a bold move”

“Please tell me you’re going on that date”

Hyunjin shook his head, amused at how light-hearted dates and budding love could be for Changbin, “I…have plans”

“What plans? You’re a recluse”

“I was going to talk to Y/N tonight—” He trailed off, eyes landing on someone familiar in the crowd. Hyunjin’s breath hitched.

It was a while since he’d seen her. Years, at this point.

She was sat at a far table, laughing over a cup of coffee and croissants. She seemed better than she had in years. Happier than she’d ever been around Hyunjin. Right now, she was glowing. The cause of her happiness seemed to be a boy sitting across her. A guy dressed in flannel and suit pants, chunky glasses on his face. Hyunjin couldn’t look away as the boy leaned forward, kissing her cheek quickly. She smiled, and then the cashier called out, “Coffee for Yujin”

She kissed the boy before standing up. She walked towards them, and Hyunjin was still standing stupidly at the counter. She noticed him, eyes widening, coming to a stop. Almost instantly, the life drained from her face. 

A stark difference from a moment ago, when she was so happy. Hyunjin didn’t know what to do; he raised a hand; a small, non-threatening wave. Things between them had ended in peace, after all. Yujin’s face traversed many expressions before she settled on a calm look, “Hyunjin. Wow…hi. This…is such a surprise. Hello…Changbin”

Hyunjin nodded, hoping this interaction wasn’t being watched, “It’s…been a while, Yujin”

She was still beautiful, smiling to diffuse the tension, “I didn’t expect to see you around here”

Hyunjin nodded, hands squeezing his coffee cup, “Yeah. I…don’t come here too often”

She nodded, familiarity returning to her gaze, “Ah. Too easy to get recognised?”

Hyunjin nodded along, even though that wasn’t the reason. He hated how his life seemed to revolve around his fame, and not his choices, like maybe he didn’t come here because he just liked another coffee shop more. Changbin took over, noticing the awkward shift in Hyunjin, “Um, so how have you been, Yujin? You look good!”

She smiled at him, “I’m great. I’m actually doing really well… I, uh, moved out of the city, closer to the outskirts”

“Really?” Hyunjin asked. He wondered why she would make such a decision. She’d trained with him for years, until she’d suddenly dropped out of the idol industry, but back when Hyunjin knew her and dated her, they had the same ambitions. The same thirst to be recognized, to be respected, and known for their talent. That’s why they had got along so well.

“Hmm, the city got too much for me sometimes. Anyway after I met Haru, it just seemed like the right choice to make”

“Haru. Is that…your boyfriend?” Hyunjin asked, noticing the boy back at the table. 

“Well…” She giggled, lifting her hand up to show them the glittering, gorgeous ring, “Fiancé, actually”

Changbin’s eyes widened, “You’re engaged?”

She nodded, a dimple in her cheek, “Haru asked me a few months ago”

Hyunjin forced himself to smile, but there was a deep pit in his stomach, recalling the conversations they used to have back in their days as trainees. They were never that serious to talk about weddings, or marriage. They both knew it was only an attraction between them and would stay that way, but he remembered a specific conversation where Yujin had said that the only disadvantage of becoming famous was the love life they’d be giving up. He was happy for her now. She hadn’t had to give it up after all, “Congratulations, Yujin. That’s…really good”

“Never too early to settle down, am I right?” She laughed, “What about you, Jinnie? How have you been?”

“I’m…good too. So…what are you doing these days?” He redirected the conversation back, curiosity brimming at him. What did someone do once they’d left the idol life? They were free to do absolutely anything, the choices were limitless. He’d never known a life without rules. He’d been training since he was fourteen, after all. She shrugged, “I’m doing a bit of everything. I volunteered at an organisation for a while, I tested my hand at photography, modelling even, but then I realised I really don’t want to be around cameras of any kind” She laughed, “I teach now, though”

“That sounds really nice, Yujin. I’m glad you get to do something you love”

“Well, you too! You’re absolutely thriving, Hyunjin. I see you every day with all your brand deals and advertisements. Does it ever get tiring being pretty all the time?”

Hyunjin smiled, “It’s…part of my job”

“Well, you deserve it. I remember how focused you used to be. You were my motivation, you know? It should have been obvious that life wasn’t for me. I hated everything. My favourite part of the academy used to be seeing you” At those words, the boy, Haru joined her, slipping an arm around her waist, “Everything all right, baby?”

She glanced at him, “Shit, I totally forgot to get the coffee. Just ran into some old friends”

Haru laughed, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it for us, babe.” He kissed her again, with no hesitance of being seen by so many people, and went to pick up the drinks. Changbin conversed with Haru, as Yujin asked Hyunjin, “I read that you went on a break for a couple of months. That must have been…wow, relieving?”

He swallowed, “Yeah, it was really good, but…I’m back to work now”

“That must’ve been nice. I don’t know how you do it, Hyunnie. I remember when we training together, you wouldn’t leave the practice room for days. Still the same?”

Hyunjin nodded. Yujin had changed so much from when he’d last met her. Had he changed at all?

Haru smiled at him, “Thank you for taking good care of her then. She tells me about those days a lot. It must have been thrilling to keep it a secret from everyone”

Hyunjin shook his head, smiling politely at him, “It was terrifying actually” 

They laughed. Haru pulled Yujin into his side again as she said, “Well…this was unexpected, but if your schedule permits, you and the boys are always welcome to the engagement party. It’s the end of December”

Changbin sighed dramatically, “Unfortunately, we’re working the whole month”. Yujin frowned, “That’s terrible….I would suggest catching up after that but…me and Haru are going to be gone for three months”

“Oh, where are you going?” Changbin asked.

“Backpacking through Europe” She responded chirpily, “Haru’s really into art and sculptures, so we have this silly idea to visit every museum in Paris”

“That sounds really good” Hyunjin smiled, but he was drowning so deep in his thoughts he could barely focus. What a nice life. It was strange, the last time he saw her, she was in the same boat as him. Training to be an idol, like him. But their paths had diverged, and envy settled in him. He was so lucky to have his life, but he wished he could just take off like that too on vacation, no questions asked. Changbin’s phone buzzed and he apologised, ”Um sorry to stop this, but we gotta go. Eunwoo’s calling us back in to work”

Hyunjin nodded, “Oh, of course. It was great to meet you Yujin, and you too, Haru. Congratulations again, on the engagement. I hope you have a good time in Europe. I’m really happy for you”

Suddenly the expensive bracelets he was wearing felt like shackles around Hyunjin’s wrists. 

»»————-

A fire burned within him, a quiet inferno consuming his peace. He couldn’t stop thinking about Yujin and what her life was like now. She’d rebuilt it to something so special. She would never have that peace of life if she’d stayed in her company or with Hyunjin. He sat at the company table, signing albums, and it was a monotonous task so his thoughts kept drifting. 

“Jinnie. Your phone” Jisung mumbled, poking him with a pen. Hyunjin lift his head to see it buzzing across the table. You were calling. He took a breath, walking out to talk to you. You were the only thing that could make this horrible fucking day better. He hoped you weren’t still upset at him rejecting your offer to come to the city. Hopefully, you’d understand. Everything was too treacherous. Hyunjin…was too treacherous for you right now. Still, he listened to you about your day, and how you’d apparently made up with Yongbok. He smiled, lowering his voice as employees passed him in the corridor, “What did you guys do?”

As you told him everything he wished he was doing with you instead, Hyunjin faded into thought again until you said, “Um…and something else happened. When we were talking, Yongbok said something…He told me he loves me. That he has his entire life”

He wished he was more surprised.

A cynical stupid part of him was happy at this. So Yongbok finally told you. Bitterness settled into his veins, scorching him from the inside out, and Hyunjin found himself thinking that maybe with Yongbok, you could finally have the life he couldn’t give you.

When he got home that night, he realised the hydrangeas in his room had withered away completely.

»»————-

He woke to fresh flowers on his desk. Baby blue, lilac, pink and white. All shapes and colors. The scent is what woke him up. It starkly contrasted to the dying hydrangeas that he still hadn’t thrown away. He’d been meaning to draw them in that state. A cruel render of their destruction. 

The comeback was in a few days. Their album would finally be out to the public. There was so much to do today, and he lay in bed just a little longer to enjoy the temporary peace. A press conference was underway soon, and he would have to put on his best self. It was going to be live-streamed and there were no doubts that he’d be asked about the hiatus. He worried if the music would be well received, if it would surpass everyone’s expectations. Hyunjin finally crawled out of bed and read the little notes attached to the bouquets. Congratulations on your 4th successful studio album. Never forget how lucky and blessed you are~!

He walked into his kitchen, sweatpants hanging low, sleep clouding him, to see even more flowers on the island. “Who sent these?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.

Jisung looked sorrowful though, ignoring the bouquets entirely.

“What’s wrong?” Hyunjin asked, the worst scenarios playing in his head.

He swallowed, “They broke up”

His stomach was a pit at the news, “When?”

“Late last night. Chan…still hasn’t come home yet. We have no idea where he is”

“What? How do you know they broke up?”

“Kairi texted Binnie. She was worried. We can’t find him anywhere…”

“I’m going to call him" Hyunjin said, rushing to his room.

“We already tried that, Jinnie” Changbin spoke, “We’ve been trying since an hour”

“Maybe he’ll pick up my call” Hyunjin hoped, as the ringer rang in his ear. After eight rings, Chan did pick up. “Hello, Chan?” Hyunjin asked, voice soft. Jisung and Changbin moved closer, eyes wide as they observed him. Chan sounded low on the other end, “Jinnie…? Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I’m okay. Where are you, Channie? Are you all right?”

“I’m…fine. Don’t worry. I’ll be back in time for the conference”

“No, can I please come get you? Let me” Hyunjin pleaded. There was a pause, and a sigh and then Chan said, “I’m at the old dorm”

“I’ll be right there” Hyunjin hung up.

“No, we’re coming with” Jisung said, stepping ahead.

“Guys. Let me…just do this on my own. Eunwoo would kill us if none of us are here. Me and Chan will make it to the press conference, I promise”

Hyunjin couldn’t drive fast enough. For a second, he worried he would forget the way to their old house but it was embedded into him. It’s where they’d had their whole beginning, and Hyunjin got there in record time. Kairi meant everything to Chan, and he couldn’t imagine what he’d be feeling right now. Chan was always there for him, and he felt personally responsible to make sure he was all right. The old dorm building looked run-down; it had been falling apart for years, even when the boys lived there, and he chose the stairs over the rusty old elevator. On the fourth floor, there was an alcove. It was hidden behind a door that was sometimes locked, but he pushed it open. Chan was sitting inside, on the window seat, a soft smile on his face when he saw Hyunjin approach.

“Just you?” He tilt his head, seeing nobody else follow, “I thought the cavalry would show up”

Hyunjin shot him a soft smile, leaning against the door, “Just me….can I join you?”

Chan pat the empty seat next to him, and Hyunjin sat down. This is where Chan was always found, back when they still lived here. It’s where he came to think. To write their greatest hits. To ponder about life’s biggest mysteries. It was always his place, and Hyunjin could see why he loved it so much. It was hidden, like a secret room. Ignoring the cobweb in the corner, it was cosy. A faded old painting hung on the wall, rickety floorboards that probably hid treasures inside, a window that looked out onto an alley. The alley was something special in itself. It was between two apartment buildings, and a little bakery was carved into the side of the building. The few times Hyunjin sat here with Chan, he’d seen bakers arrive at three in the morning, loading powdered sugar and other ingredients in, creating storms and clouds of sugar. It was always a beautiful sight.

“What happened, Chan?” Hyunjin ended up asking, cutting to the chase. They both knew why he was here. Chan swallowed, looking wistful, “I’m fine, if that’s what you’re wondering. I’m going to be okay. I just needed…a day to let the sadness out”

“You can take more than that” 

“Not really. I can’t afford to, not this week. I gotta put on my best self”

“We’ll understand if you don’t.” Hyunjin frowned, admirable of Chan’s resolve, “If you want to talk about it, I’m here” Chan glanced at him, a smile on his face, “I know you are, Jinnie. You’re actually the best, and the worst person to talk to this about”

“Why the worst?” Hyunjin frowned.

Chan laughed, “You don’t want to hear the good part first?”

“No…”

“The worst because…I know what you felt about me and Kairi… I feel responsible for how you see the world, crazy as that sounds. I know you had to hear our arguments the past few weeks, I’m sorry about that. I feel like I took away all your hope.”

Hyunjin swallowed, “It’s not your fault. I’ve had minimal hope to begin with”

Chan laughed, loudly, “God, Jinnie, that’s really fucked up, you know? It shouldn’t be this way. We should be out there, showing our girls the best time”

“You shouldn’t apologize to me for your break up, Chan,” Hyunjin emphasized.

“Wow. Breakup. That sounds insane to say” He breathed in a sigh, as it was finally settling in, “To think I was going to ask her to marry me in a few months”

Hyunjin felt emotional. He’d known and adored their relationship for the longest time, “I’m so sorry, Chan. I don’t know what to say, I wish I could…make this better”

“You don’t have to. I’m…happy you’re here. Kim Soohyun asked to see my phone last night. I don’t know why, but I deleted every conversation with Kairi. I suppose I panicked. I shouldn’t have done that, because now all my best memories with her are just that…memories”

Hyunjin swallowed, and maybe all the reading poetry had rotted his brain. His heart was starting to shrivel, just like the Hydrangeas that were out of bloom. Once he got home, maybe it was the right move to erase his chat history with you too. A small way of shielding himself from the damage that could follow. His memories with you would be lost, but his carelessness would only hurt the boys more.

Chan reminded him far too much of you, the way he held onto memories, objects, and tangible things with an iron grip. He recalled how sad you’d felt erasing the little star you’d drawn from Hyunjin’s face. It had meant so much to you. Maybe he was becoming more like you every day too, which is why the dying flowers still rested on Hyunjin’s desk when he should have thrown them out weeks ago. He ended up saying something that only halfway made sense, “I want to say that…the things we’re meant for will always come back to us, but… I stray further from that thought every day, so I would be lying if I tried to convince you of that” 

Chan smiled sadly, and he held something within his hands, “You’re the most romantic person I know, even without trying to be”

Hyunjin laughed, bitterly, “I think it’s safe to say I’m doomed”

Chan turned to him, “Don’t say that, Jinnie”

Hyunjin shook his head, facing him, “I came here for you, not to talk about me…you know you have me, always, right?”

“I know” Chan leaned in, wrapping his arm around Hyunjin. It was an awkward half-hug but Hyunjin relaxed into the embrace, whispering, “I’m so sorry it didn’t work out with Kairi”

Chan pulled away, a sincere smile on his face, “Thank you. We should probably get going if we want to make it in time for the conference”

“You’re right” Hyunjin nodded, but they made no attempt to move, trying to lengthen this short-lived peace.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it.” Chan muttered, and it’s only then that Hyunjin realised what he held in his palm. A diamond ring. The one he was going to propose to Kairi with.

“What?” 

“What our lives are like. Do you never question that?” Chan asked. Hyunjin had never heard him talk like this, and he couldn’t comprehend this. Chan had built them up from the ground up, worked his ass off to get them to where they are. In fact, he couldn’t bear to see this side of him. He shouldn’t be questioning all his hard work, or that all would have been for nothing. Out of all people in the world, Chan couldn't be the one to lose hope. He was their rock.

He felt for Chan. So much. Yet, this train of thought was so dangerous. What would happen to them if they all started hating their job? They had never been forced into this career, they’d made their choices of their own volition, even if it was done as a teenager who didn’t know what he’d be giving up, but they’d gained so much too. The lifestyle Hyunjin led…people would kill for. 14-year-old him would kill for this. And he’d be so proud of him for it too. So, why was he questioning everything now? 

“No, I don’t” Hyunjin said. It was a lie, but he would sell it to Chan, for his sake, “We’re doing something impossible for most people to even imagine in the world. The impact that you have on people is…unreal. Millions of people love you, and you inspire them. You inspire me to work harder everyday. So, I don’t question if it’s worth it, and you shouldn’t either, Chan”

Something in Chan’s eyes changed, as if he had never expected him to say this. Hyunjin, the romantic, would never have said that. Love felt like the core of his life. He was hungry for it, but there was more than one kind of love.

So later that week, when Hyunjin stared at his phone in his hands, it was filled up with memories of you. Every phone call, each picture you’d sent him, each sweet thought he’d scribbled in his notes but never had the chance to send you. The press tour had already begun, and the boys were knee-depth in stress, and Hyunjin could never let himself add to that. Kairi had talked about sacrifices, and he finally understood it. Maybe it was cowardly to never explain to you what was happening, but it was easier. He didn’t have the heart to delete the past few months, so he took Eunwoo’s advice and changed his number instead.

Sorrow settled in his chest as Hyunjin realised that he would go to the ends of the earth for you, but perhaps that wasn’t still enough. He wasn’t willing to give this life up, and this was a sacrifice he was going to have to make.

»»————- Present Day. 

You only had the moonlight to guide you tonight.

There were hardly any streetlights this far out. It was pitch black, and the glow of the moon fell upon Hyunjin’s face, tracing each contour perfectly. You were trying real hard to not look at him. He was drumming his fingertips against the steering wheel and it was annoying. It kept grabbing your attention, and you’d glance at him only to remember you couldn’t do that anymore. You couldn’t spend time marveling at his little mannerisms because…things had changed. 

All you could do was listen to the conversations of the backseat. Chan was mumbling something to Kairi, and their voices had dropped in volume since you’d pulled out of the parking lot. Each syllable was spoken in a whisper, like it was a secret between them, and you felt like you were eavesdropping. Still, there was not much else to focus to. You definitely were not going to focus on the boy sitting next to you.

“I know that it could’ve been better…but I hope that you still had a good time today” Chan said softly, and through the rearview mirror, you saw that they’d laced their hands together. Kairi was leaning into him, fingers interlocked, and you looked down at your hands. The empty spaces between your fingers bothered you. 

“I did, Chris” Her eyes were closed, but she smiled, “Honestly, it was a pretty special birthday”

You averted your gaze, giving them privacy. Hyunjin kept glancing in the mirror briefly before looking back to the road. There was a small smile on his lips. He used to talk about them so much. He must be happy with this outcome. You didn’t know the details of what had gone wrong with their relationship, you’d never pried, but it must have been hard getting back together after all that heartbreak and pain.

“I’m…really fucking tired. I might pass out any second” Kairi announced, followed by a yawn.

“Don’t worry. Hyunjin is a smooth driver” Chan reassured, “Isn’t he?”

Hyunjin nodded, eyes flickering to Chan’s, “Of course. And um, Kairi, if you’re cold, I have an extra jacket in the backseat”

There was rummaging and then Kairi gasped, having found the jacket, “This is so stylish. I missed your clothes, Jinnie”

“Hey, hey. What are you trying to imply?” Chan complained. Kairi giggled, and Hyunjin laughed, “Your girlfriend is a fan of color, Chan. That’s not my fault”

“How predictable of you” Chan mumbled, and you could see him rolling his eyes. You drifted out of their conversation, looking out the window at the passing landscape. Trees drifted by in a blur and there was hardly any civilisation out here. Miles and miles of nothing. 

“Don’t you agree?” Kairi laughed, hand landing on your shoulder, and she was talking to you.

“Sorry?” You asked, “Agree with what?”

“Fuck. Did I wake you?” She apologised, “I didn’t realise you fell asleep”

“No, no, I’m up. I was just distracted….” You replied, clearing your throat. This conversation warranted another glance from Hyunjin, as if he was checking to see what you were distracted by. You returned his gaze with indifference, raising your eyebrows. He immediately looked away, back to the road.

“Well, I was telling Chris that your friends, Minnie and Jamie are one of the cutest couples I’ve ever met. I mean, I hardly see relationships that strong here; people are usually just serial daters” Kairi explained.

“Oh. Right” You nodded, thankful to have the context, “They’re…really cute, yeah”

“A serial dater?” Chan asked.

“Yeah. Dating apps will do that to you, especially in midtown. Take my advice now, never get on one, you’ll be fighting in the trenches” Kairi laughed. The trees were whizzing past so fast it made you dizzy, you mumbled, “It’s funny. Dating apps could never work back home”

“Cause you know everyone? Is that really true?” She asked. You nodded, “I mean, yeah. You go to school with the people technically in your dating age range, and there are only five restaurants and hang-out spots, so you’re always bumping into each other. It’s impossible to not know everyone”

“Was that ever weird?” Kairi asked, “Like seeing your ex at dinner or something?”

A small laugh escaped you, “It actually sucked. You couldn’t escape them”

“Did you ever run into her exes?” Chan asked, and it took you a second to realise the question was directed at Hyunjin. It took him a few seconds and he sat up straighter, mumbling quietly, “No.”

You blinked at his nonchalance, trying not to let this phase you. This could be a normal car ride if you just let it. Suddenly your gut was hurting with anxiety and you looked out the window again, away from him.

“Well, thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with that,” Chan spoke, “Eunwoo would have a heart attack if one of us was found on those apps. Although there’s quite a few fake profiles out there with Hyunjin’s face on them”

“Eunwoo?” You asked, ignoring the second part of his statement. It sent jealousy surging through you. Why did you feel jealous by even the thought of Hyunjin being on a dating app? You needed to get a grip on your emotions. 

“Ah. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?” Chan asked, so casually, “Eunwoo’s…our manager, of sorts”

Without thinking, you spoke, “I thought your manager was the lady in the shop”

“What shop?” Chan frowned, confused, “Wait, hold up. You’ve met one of our managers, Y/N? Where was that?” You stayed silent, for only a second, wondering if Hyunjin would answer this question. After all, he knew the manager and they were in the shop for a reason. The one where he had ignored you completely, as if you didn’t exist. You were only there by accident, after losing your way trying to find the Atelier. To your relief, Hyunjin did speak, “Yeah. That was Mrs. Giwon…she was accompanying me on one of the snack runs”

“Ah” Kairi exclaimed, “She’s…the worst one”

“Hey” Chan spoke, “She’s really helpful sometimes”

“Anyway…moving on” Kairi rolled her eyes, “She kind of traumatised me after she busted us”

“Busted you?” You turned, intrigued. Kairi laughed, “She walked in on me and Chan making out in the studio! God, that day was hell. She like…actually yelled at me for not maintaining a professional attitude in their building”

“And that, of course…led to the no-girlfriend in the studio rule,” Chan mumbled, and through the rearview, you saw him roll his eyes. That seemed like an insane rule to have, especially for adults. You stole a glance at Hyunjin to catch his reaction. He looked straight ahead, as if he couldn’t even hear this conversation, laser-focused on driving the empty streets. Kairi laughed loudly, “Changbin was the most pissed about that!”

“He has a girlfriend?” 

“No. That man’s a serial dater, through and through. He’s too busy producing insane music to have a full relationship anyway. He goes through NDA’s faster than you can say hookup, but honestly…he enjoys himself so much. He’s…very popular with all the girls”

You wanted to ask so much more about that. NDAs…? So that was a truth and not a rumor. Hyunjin had never mentioned those to you. At the paint and wine event, Sakura and Yeosang had asked him about it, and he’d been cautious about answering. But it was true. All of it felt so silly. Their words came back to you. Imagine sleeping with someone and then signing a contract instead of some aftercare.

If you and Hyunjin had hooked up back in Daejon, would he have also made you sign an NDA? But he fingered you. He let you touch him. He let you cut his hair and give him a handjob in his little bathroom. Did that not ask for an NDA? Or did he just trust you enough? All the possibilities floated through your head, and stupidly, like a stupid girl, you blurted, “So what all does that NDA cover? Is it just sex or…is it like, making out and other things too? And it's legally required?”

At your question, Hyunjin’s grip on the wheel tightened. His shoulders tensed up. 

You’d struck a nerve. 

Good. 

It was satisfying to know you had some sort of impact on him. Till now, he was just pretending you didn’t exist. 

Kairi paused, pondering over it, “Um…pretty much just sex, but like…I didn’t have to sign an NDA every single time. It’s only if it’s with a new person"

“Right”

Chan laughed, “I know. It sounds crazy. Especially in the 21st century, but with the internet and everything, you can never be too careful what people will say in a public forum. Hyunjin, didn’t you hate them too when we started out?”

Hyunjin cleared his throat, “Yeah. It’s stupid”

So he would sign them too? How often did he sleep with a new girl? You didn’t want to think about this any longer. There was no point wondering about his past when you wouldn’t be in his future. Your phone buzzed against the console and you grabbed it, positioning it on the seat between your legs so you could read it. It was a text from Felix.

hey. i was just talking with minho and man, i miss you I know you’ve likely forgotten all about me but call me later please…I think ill die here without you

A smile pulled at your cheeks, and you typed in a quick reply.

im getting back from a party lixie. It was kairi’s birthday. i miss you guys too :(

“Who are you texting at this hour?” Kairi piped up, leaning ahead, “Nate?”. You immediately clicked your phone screen black, even though you had nothing to hide. You just shot her a smile, “Just… a friend from back home”

Hyunjin probably knew exactly who you were talking about, yet he didn’t react. His stone-cold demeanour was really beginning to bother you.

“So where were you guys, at the party? When we found you, you two were at the cabins” Kairi spoke, breaking the tension. You swallowed, wondering if he would answer but he obviously wasn’t interested in speaking so you said, “I was dancing. And then…I hurt myself. So Hyunjin took me to the cabin to find a bandaid”

That wasn’t exactly what had happened. You had conveniently skipped over your argument, and the two of you spying on them, but Hyunjin nodded along, following your lie, “Yeah. There were no first aid kits there though”

Kairi nodded, “Shit, yeah. We didn’t think anybody would use the cabins for anything other than sex…anyway, I was thinkingggg we should play some game. It’d be nice to kill the time.”

Chan reminded her, “I thought you were about to pass out, baby”

Kairi was full of energy now as she suggested, “Well, I’m wide awake now! I kind of want the celebration to last a little while longer. Y/N, you can pick a game, since you're my guest of honour! Do you know any good ones?”

It seemed like Kairi and Chan had absolutely no fucking idea what happened between you and Hyunjin. They knew you weren’t together, but it seemed like they knew nothing more than that. Hyunjin hadn’t told them any of the details. They only knew you’d ended things, but not why. By their ease, and comfort…it seemed like they didn’t even know Hyunjin had been the one to end things with you. The memory of that made your chest clench, with hurt.

The heartbreak felt so one-sided. Everything seemed so easy for him. Had you got everything wrong this summer? Had you read too much into his actions? You felt embarrassed, thinking back to the kind of things you’d said to him. You didn’t tell him you loved him, but you pretty much said everything else. He knew more about you than anybody else in your life, and now he wouldn't even talk to you. You’d been willing to move to the city for him, but he didn’t even bat an eye. Being in Seoul suddenly didn’t feel worth it anymore.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” 

“We still are two hours out of the city. It’d be fun to play something” Kairi said, glancing at the GPS on the console. Play something? Like a road trip game? This hardly felt like a road trip, it was far too depressing to be one. “I’m…good with anything” You spoke, “I’m kind of really tired”

“How about word association?” Chan suggested, “I used to play that with my family as a kid”

You realised he was waiting for your response so you nodded, “Sure. How does it go…? Is there a way to lose?”

“Only if you take longer than three seconds to answer. We go in a circle, Kairi can start with any random word, you have to say a word related to the previous one, and the person who can’t come up with something loses”

You weren’t really in the mood to play, but you would need more energy to protest. Plus, any time interacting with the back-seaters was time removed with the boy in the front seat. Kairi quickly explained the rules, and that it would go clockwise, starting with Hyunjin. He still hadn’t reacted to the idea of the game so you weren’t even sure if he was playing. Kairi hummed loudly, looking around for inspiration. Dark clouds were forming on the horizon so she naturally said, “Thunder!”

“Storm” You immediately said.

“Well, Hyunjin was supposed to go” Kairi laughed, “I’ll go again. Eclipse?”

“Cosmic” Hyunjin replied. A curt, short, emotionless answer. You realised you had to speak now. You mumbled, “Um…the stars”

“Marilyn Monroe” Chan said. Kairi laughed loudly, “Chris. What the hell?”

“What? She’s…a star” Chan defended. You smiled at their bantering. Kairi rolled her eyes, “No. That’s what’s called a Freudian slip”

“Excuse me?” Chan giggled, “Don’t psychobabble me. What even is that?”

Kairi laughed, “It’s this theory that if you accidentally say something wrong, you were thinking about it subconsciously. Most people are thinking about sex, so that’s what a lot of Freudian slips reveal”

“So what… you’re accusing me of wanting to sleep with Marilyn Monroe?” Chan frowned. She giggled, “No, I’m just saying that’s how it works, smartass. It usually reveals your repressed thoughts”

You glanced back at her, “Yeah. I guess that’s what this entire game is about. Although I really don’t think Freud has had the best ideas. Some of them are…really regressive” 

Kairi grinned at you, nodding aggressively and she was still tipsy from before, “You’re so right, honestly. Most of the people I played this game with had no idea what a Freudian slip was. You know, this is why we’re friends. You’re…so fucking cool. You’re just like me”

“Y/N is not just like you” Chan laughed loudly.

“Excuse me?” She gasped, offended, “You just met her. How would you even know what she’s like?”

Chan chuckled, “Yeah, but I’ve been hearing about her all summer—” He suddenly stopped, realising what he’d said. An awkward silence enveloped the car and you did everything not to look at Hyunjin. So… Chan had been hearing about you all summer. You knew Hyunjin had told the boys about you. You just wondered what he’d said. What did he know of you? Chan cleared his throat, embarrassed by his slip of the tongue, “I mean….never mind. Should we continue the game? Hyunjin. Why don’t you start?”

Hyunjin swallowed, adjusting his hands on the wheel, “Um. I don’t know. Sin?”

Your eyes widened at his word choice, and it was your turn to go next. Sin? What was he even thinking of? Your mind went through the seven deadly sins that you knew of, and you only had three seconds so you blurted, “Lust”

It was Chan’s turn now, and he blanked, eyes widening, “Uh…passion?”

You didn’t like this tangent of thought… and you waited for Kairi to say something. Chan teased, “Are you serious? You’re gonna lose”. She yelled, “Wait, wait. I know. Yearning!”

It was Hyunjin’s turn to play. His mouth parted, and he was about to say something, but instead he chose not to. He just shook his head, “I don’t know…I can’t really focus on the game when I’m driving”

Kairi sighed, “Can’t believe you lost on yearning, Hyunjin”

“Yeah. My mistake” He mumbled. His knuckles were white against the steering wheel. You didn’t really want to play this game anymore. You stared out the window, your reflection flickering in the window. You wanted to be home already, and not in this car where you felt like a stranger.

There was so much brevity and lightheartedness in the conversations between Chan and Kairi, and here you were…struggling to even get a proper hi out. You felt like a stranger, even to Kairi. You’d only known her for a few weeks, compared to them. The three of them felt like a unit, like a family that was finally complete again. Hyunjin had sang praises of their love, and you could see it now. It wasn’t anything grand or impossible, it was so casual and effortless. Kairi and Chan fit together like puzzle pieces, so perfectly, but even more than that, they enhanced each other so simply. There was no fear of misunderstandings, or betrayal. They were giggling in the back, laughing about some inside joke you’d never be able to understand. Perhaps you shouldn’t have accepted this ride. Kairi was your friend, but you weren’t really welcome here. You were an outsider. Chan must have wanted to keep the conversation going so he said, “So, Y/N, you were about to tell me about yourself when we got in the car” 

You swallowed, “Um, I didn’t know I was going to be doing that”

Kairi teased, “Yeah, Chan. I thought you knew all about her, and how me and her are so similar”

Chan giggled, “It was a figure of speech. No, but seriously, Y/N”

You bit your lip, and a deep sadness was overwhelming you. One you’d been trying to escape for months but it seemed impossible now. You’d genuinely enjoyed the party, until he’d showed up. He’d ruined everything. It had taken so long for you to not think about him. Now you felt like you were sinking again, “Um…what do you want to know? I came here to study art. There’s not really much to tell…You’re the one who has a really interesting life."

Chan frowned, “Come on. That’s not a real answer. I wanna know you, not answers you’d type in on some Facebook page”

You were at a loss for words, and you mostly just felt conscious around Hyunjin. You always hated introductions like this, and icebreakers, especially around someone you wanted to like you. Chan seemed amazing, he was brilliant so how could your little life possibly impress him? You’d done nothing that would have an impact on anyone, unlike them. Anything you say would be so boring. So you settled for a basic fact about yourself, a preface to your personality, “Well…I used to work in an art—”

“She’s a really good artist” Hyunjin suddenly interrupted you.

Your gaze snapped to his.

“Oh yeah?” Chan asked, surprised.

“Yup” Hyunjin cleared his throat, “She’s in the most prestigious program of the country” 

Chan smiled, “Wow. That’s…amazing, Y/N. You should be bragging about that stuff”

“There’s only like…25 people that get in from across the world” Hyunjin continued talking, staring right ahead so casually. There was a knot in your stomach, and he had the faintest of a smile on his face as he talked about you. It was more than he’d given you in the past hours, “She’s one of the few domestic students”

“What? You didn’t tell me that!” Kairi exclaimed, hand reaching out to tap you. But you were speechless, staring at Hyunjin. Why did he just do that?

“Well, now you’ve got to show me your art, Y/N!” Chan grinned, “Hyunjin’s got pretty high standards when it comes to those, so I’m curious”

You nodded, forcing a smile at him, “Yeah…um, maybe later”

“Well, I hope you taught Hyunjin something too” Chan laughed. 

Hyunjin nodded, and there was a hint of emotion as he spoke, “She did”

You chewed on your lower lip, fiddling with your jacket, thinking about his words, even long after he’d said them.

The barren highway enveloped the car in darkness, and the tiny GPS screen was the only light source. You stared ahead, watching the road lit up in the headlights, uncovering more of the unknown every second. There was nobody else out here. It was spooky, and you hated the feeling. You felt trapped in this metal contraption. Hyunjin’s fingers tapped lightly on the steering wheel, a familiar rhythm, probably calming his nerves down. The backseat noise had died down, and it seemed like the tiredness had finally hit Kairi. The only indication of passing time was the clock on the dashboard. You watched it tick down every second, hoping it would go faster. The city was still so far out. You leaned back onto the seat, watching trees whiz past in silence. Hyunjin was so quiet you’d almost think he fell asleep. The only surmountable sound was the heating, and the tapping of his fingers. You closed your eyes, hoping the time would pass faster.

You couldn’t help but think of what was waiting for you. There was no lingering excitement. This party had been the only thing you’d been looking forward to for a while. There was so much work back in class, starting Monday. Kim Jieong was expecting so much from you. You felt emotionally drained. He was your only motivation, pushing you to get better. After all, there was nothing else waiting for you back there. 

Suddenly Hyunjin cleared his throat, drawing your attention. From your peripheral vision, you saw him reach for the radio, fingers hovering over the console, and then he looked to you, “Um…mind if I put something on?”

You blinked, distracted by how he looked in the glow of the light. His glasses were thin, hanging on his nose bridge, and his lips were pursed. He’d bitten them raw. Maybe you weren’t the only one anxious in this car. You shook your head, “Go ahead”

He pressed a button, and life filled the previously stagnant car. An announcer was talking, probably at an all-night radio station, and you asked softly, “Wouldn’t this wake them up?”

Hyunjin looked at you again, over the rim of his glasses, eyes meeting yours for another torturous split second. In the dark, they looked like pools of black, a darkened gaze as he spoke, “Uh, don’t worry. I turned the speakers in the back off. It’s only the front ones that are working”

Oh. You didn’t even know that was possible. They obviously had access to the best cars with the best technologies. Music began playing, a rock band from the 80s, and you rest your head again, closing your eyes to savour in this newfound peace. It was strange to sit next to the man you desired the most yet have no conversation. For the past few months, it had been impossible to separate you, and the irony of this moment didn’t fail to surprise you. You’d come all the way to Seoul for him. Yet the only sound in the car was Bon Jovi on the radio. 

“Um—”

“So—” You and Hyunjin both spoke at the same time.

“Sorry,” You apologised, “What were you about to say?”

He glanced at you, hand reaching out to the radio again, and you noticed he had new rings on his finger. They looked so expensive, glittering sparkles, and he must have bought them recently. He seemed nervous and he spoke, “I can…uh, change the music if you don’t like it”

Your eyebrows shot up. That clearly wasn’t what he was going to say. “No, it’s nice. I like him”

He nodded, retreating his hand and putting it back on the console. You wondered about the unspoken, but wondering would only kill you. So you shut your eyes again, hands warm in your lap, wishing to be somewhere else. The tune was thrilling. 

“80’s music is actually one of my favourites”

You opened your eyes to look at him, “Really?”

“Yeah. I think….their songs are pretty incomparable. I actually got a lot of inspiration for our album from them. I don’t know if you heard it; it’s very pop-rock heavy, which isn’t what we usually do” He spoke, a nervous wavering in his voice, as if you two were just getting to know each other. 

You observed him, “Is that what you were going to say earlier?”

“Sorry?” He looked right at you, dark eyes flickering over your features. You felt conscious of how you looked. You were still in his sweater, and your hair was still wet from the swim. You said, “Um…you were about to say something but decided not to. Was that it?”

Realisation sank into his face, lips parting, “No, I was…going to ask you how you met Kairi”

“Oh…” Disappointment filled you. What were you expecting to be said? An apology would be nice actually. Something to start with. You were having trouble grasping that things between you and him were truly over. They couldn’t be. Hadn’t he only come into your life yesterday, uprooting everything you thought you knew about yourself? Or maybe you were just desperately clinging on to a summer dream that wasn’t real.

“Sorry. Should I not have asked?” Hyunjin said. 

“No, that’s fine. It was just a crazy coincidence. We were at a bar…me and my friends, and somebody spilled a drink on her, I just happened to be there. I offered to help her. Obviously…I didn’t know who she was. Later, I realised it was Kairi”

“That’s…” Hyunjin’s fingers adjusted on the steering wheel, he spaced them out, glancing at you again, “That’s really nice of you”

“Yeah”

“Are you cold?” He asked.

“What? Um, no.” You shook your head awkwardly. His sweater was keeping you plenty warm.

“Okay”

The silence drowned you again, and you focused on the song playing, replaying the previous conversation in your head, clinging to it for life.

“I…tried Gouache” 

It took you a second to register that Hyunjin was talking to you, again.

Why was he making an effort after what went down earlier? You’d argued and fought, and now he was…trying to be nice? Was he trying to make amends? Did he finally realise what an asshole he’d been? Or were his memories of summer coming back to him too? Because every time you looked at him, all you could remember was the calmness of each moment you’d spent with him, and how his skin had felt to touch, and how his body had felt against yours, warm and comforting. How could he not be thinking of that?

“Sorry?” You glanced at him. 

He straightened up, hands clasped before him, “I…taught myself Gouache. I hadn’t explored it much before, but I had some time between schedules last month and I decided to give it a shot”

You didn’t know what to say. Gouache was such a difficult pigmented paint medium to work with. You stayed quiet, which somehow… he took a sign to continue speaking, “It was hard…but I found the supplies and tried many styles with it. I couldn’t get it right for the longest time but then realised I had the wrong brushes. I…think I prefer it to watercolor”

“Are you serious?”

He glanced at you, almost surprised that you’d replied even though he had been telling you all of this. He nodded, his lips a thin line.

“Gouache can never have the same effect, or…even replace watercolours. It’s…so much more intense. It loses all of its softness” You ended up saying.

“Have you worked with it before?”

“In class. I do all the time” You answered, “I don’t like it. I prefer acrylics or oil”

Hyunjin nodded, eyes zeroed in on you again, “Do you have the freedom to choose?”

“Choose what?”

“The material you want to paint with” He stated, simply. 

“Yeah. It’s up to us” You said.

Hyunjin just nodded, and then silently turned away. As did you. Queen was playing on the radio now, and you liked this song. Somebody to Love. It seemed like Hyunjin enjoyed this song too, because he reached ahead, his bracelets clinking together and he increased the volume just slightly. You glanced in the rearview mirror, and Kairi and Chan were still asleep, cuddled up to each other. Hyunjin was softly singing, under his breath, but he knew all the words. His voice brought a strange calmness to your body, warming it up.

“I can’t believe you tried Gouache” You mumbled, still thinking about it. You didn’t want to initiate conversation with him, not after everything he’d done to your heart. But you were so curious. It was really hard to work with, especially if someone was a beginner.

“Can I show you something?” He asked.

“What?”

He looked at you, a newfound energy in him, “The…paintings I’ve been working on”

“Unless you’re going to pull over—”

“They’re in my phone. You can just…see them there”

You glanced at his phone that lay on the console.

“Um…are you sure?” You reached for his phone, and it was strange that he completely trusted you with it.

“Yeah. I don’t mind. There’s nothing I have to hide from you. The password…I can just type it in” He grabbed it from you, entering random numbers that you couldn’t grasp the significance of, before handing his unlocked phone back to you. The wallpaper was a pretty sunset. You recognised the landscape instantly. It must have been the pictures he took on the Ferris wheel with Seungmin, back at the summer carnival. Memories of that flooded through you. It had been a perfect day. You recalled the photobooth pictures that lay in your sketchbook, Hyunjin had put them there for you to find. You still didn’t understand why, or how he got a hold of them. As far as you knew, he’d deleted them in front of your eyes. You glanced at him; his eyebrows were knitted as he concentrated on driving, still occasionally mouthing the words to the song. You may never get this chance again. “How’d you get those pictures?” You broke the silence.

It took him a second to comprehend your question, and he turned casually, “Hmm?”

In this angle, confusion on his face, nose scrunched up, he looked so tame, so innocent. You already wished to take back what you’d said, in case it ruin this strange peace. It was too late to back up now as he stared at you so you said, “In my sketchbook, I found the photobooth strip. The pictures of us kissing. I…thought you deleted them”

His eyes widened, and he turned back to the road, voice dropping low, “Oh… It doesn’t really matter, Y/N”

His response irked you. It reminded you again that this was futile, whatever you chased for with Hyunjin. “Yeah. It doesn’t” You agreed, looking back at his phone in your hands. You opened up his picture gallery. Everything was divided into little folders, and his entire life was so organised. If you were his girlfriend, would there be a folder for you in it too? You clicked on the one which was so fittingly named ‘Art’. You were annoyed at him but you couldn’t pretend, “Oh. These are…really good, Hyunjin”

He clearly gravitated towards drawing flowers and landscapes. Some of them were familiar, most of them were new. There were so many pictures of flowers, at all stages. He must be drawing from life. It seemed like he’d developed a lot of art ever since he’d come back. They were all so intense and bold, no softness to them that watercolour provided. You’d always thought that Gouache was something in between watercolour and acrylic, a strange midway compromise, yet Hyunjin had made masterpieces out of it, “You did all of these in Gouache?”

He only nodded in response, as you scrolled through the gallery.

“You’re crazy” You said.

Hyunjin let out a laugh, “You really hate it that much?”

“It’s just difficult to work with, but you’re actually really great at these” You stared at the art, and how his technique had improved. All his lines were more confident, pronounced, bolder. He’d gotten so much better in your absence. You’d only gotten worse in his.

“So…how’s the apprenticeship going? Is Kim Jieong as nice as you thought?” He asked. You put his phone back on the console, even though you urged to see everything he’d felt worth storing in his phone. He had asked you a question so you tried to focus on that, “Yeah. He’s really nice. He is so talented. I, um, asked him about the painting, by the way. The one we were talking about”

“The one about the lovers drowning in moonlight?”

You nodded, hands feeling jittery, unable to stomach this casual conversation, “Yup. He was surprised it was my favourite. He thinks I have morbid taste. And… the day he took us to your work building, he wanted us to meet some gallery curator”

“Must have been Karina”

“You know her?” You glanced at him, hoping your face didn’t give anything away. How petty of you to be jealous that he knew another girl. Another artist at that. 

“She’s the prodigy I was telling you about. She wants me to…exhibit some of my work at a gallery next month”

Your eyes widened, and you fiddled with the zipper on the jacket, “Oh. That’s…a big deal. Are you allowed to do that?”

He looked at you, “Yeah, the company and Eunwoo’s really supportive. The fans love it, so he thinks it’s a great stream of revenue and publicity. Any press is good press. He couldn’t care less about the art” 

“Right” You nodded, watching him, “Well, maybe Kim Jieong will make it a field trip for us again. Your exhibition”

Hyunjin’s lips tugged into a smile, “That’d be really embarrassing. I wouldn’t want all your professional artist friends to judge my work”

“Well…they’re not as pretentious as you might think. My friends…they’re really nice. Everybody’s not bad. I mean…it was hard settling in, but…I think I like it now” You were rambling, without meaning to share so much with him. Maybe you’d just been craving to have a real conversation with him all this while. After all, he was the only person in your life who understood, “And Kim Jieong is my favourite part of it anyway. Even if everybody sucks. I look up to him a lot. He…even calls me sweetheart. It always throws me off” 

“Isn’t that a bit inappropriate?”

You frowned, not expecting that response, “No…he has different nicknames for everyone”

“I see” His reply was curt, like he didn’t believe that. He cleared his throat, “And um…your friends? The other students? Are they cool?”

“I mean, you’ve already met Jeonghan”

“Is that the boy who you were dancing with?”

“Yeah, that’s him”

Hyunjin stayed quiet for a minute and then he said, “He has two left feet”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry” He chuckled dryly, “When you were dancing with him, he almost dropped you…like ten times”

“He only came to the party for me, because I didn’t know anybody. Don’t make fun of him. He was kind of the best part of my day”

“I’m not making fun of him. It’s just an observation” Hyunjin mumbled, but there was a teasing glint in his eyes and he looked at you, “And I saw your face. You were worried he’d drop you too”

“I was not” Your eyes narrowed, but a stupid smile tugged at your lips, “Anyway. You’re one to talk. You’re probably worse”

He laughed properly this time, looking at you over his glasses, “Oh, am I?”

You shrugged, “We’ve never danced together so it could be true”

“I think you’re forgetting that I’m a professional dancer, Y/N” His tone was cocky.

You sighed, facing away to look out, “Ugh. Do you always have to bring up the idol card?”

“The idol card?” He repeated, “That’s my job, what do you mean?”

“Just seems like an unfair advantage”

Hyunjin chuckled, “Fine. Okay. Even if I wasn’t a professional dancer, I bet I’d still be able to take Jeonghan in a dance battle”

“I’m starting to think that you’re obsessed with him…”

Hyunjin laughed, “I guess I see why you chose him now”

Your gaze darted to his, “What?”

You arrived at a railway crossing. The signal was loud, and he stopped the car, foot on the brake as he slowed down. “He is your boyfriend…isn’t he?” He said, so surely. 

You stared at him, wondering how he could ask that so casually, so unaffected. You’d probably die if Hyunjin had a girlfriend. Did he think you’d move on so fucking fast? You woke and fell asleep to the thought of him every day still, months later. You thought of him every waking second. Maybe you should take a book out of Hyunjin’s ability to be vague, “Are you seriously asking me that?”

He looked at you, eyes heavy with emotion. He swallowed, “Yeah. I am”

You stared right back at him, heart pounding fast, “Yeah. I am dating him”

“Oh” He shifted in his seat, “That’s nice…how long have you known him?”

You couldn’t believe he could be so…casual about it. You looked out, “It doesn’t matter”

Hyunjin nodded, “Well. For what it’s worth, Nate seems like a nice guy”

You just couldn’t comprehend how the fuck he could be so casual about this. As if you two had just been an inconvenient situationship and your lives and souls hadn’t completely intertwined this summer. As if you’d just move away, and get a new boyfriend and fall in love. As if you could ever truly move on from Hyunjin. As if he didn't know that you'd been in love with him this whole time. It wasn’t that simple. It could never be.

“So…you really don’t give a fuck?”

“I’m sorry?” He looked at you, feigning innocence, “About what?”

You could have said so many things. Bitterness clawed out of you. “Well, for what it’s worth, Nate’s a great kisser”

His eyes widened, and he nodded, voice falling low, “I’m sure he is”

You couldn’t stop. You wanted your words to stab him like little knives he’d dug into your skin all this while, “And for what it’s worth, I actually trust him” 

Hyunjin tensed up, fists clenching at the wheel. The train was just passing by, and the signal was so loud but you knew he heard you. “I’m…glad you trust him” He ended up saying. 

You watched him, observing every micro-expression. You could have played along, egged him on, made him believe it. He should hurt too, like you were, but you couldn’t wrap your head around this. Was it really so easy for him to move on? He was pretending like nothing ever affected him. Were you seriously the only one who had been invested in the two of you? You let out a laugh, “So that’s it?”

“What?” He looked at you.

“You don’t care? You really think I would just date…a random guy from my class? Because if you think that, you don’t—”

His brows shot up, “I’m sorry, so you’re not dating him? Why would you tell me you were?” 

“Do you care if I was?”

He frowned, eyebrows furrowing, “Seriously? You know I still care about you, right?”

It pissed you off. He had no right to say something like that when he didn’t give a fuck about you. He had just abandoned you, with no intention of ever making up things, “I don’t know, Hyunjin. I mean…everything you’ve done to me the past few months has shown me quite the opposite. That you don’t care”

His eyes widened, “Everything I’ve done to you?”

A scoff escaped you, and you were losing it, “I’m sure you had your reasons for never wanting to talk to me again. I, personally, would have just liked a goodbye or an explanation before you decided to leave. That’s just me though. But you know what? Maybe I read too much in what happened this summer”

He swallowed, shifting to look at you, “Look, it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. I didn’t know how to explain and I thought that you would understand—”

How the fuck could he expect you to understand? Your voice shot up, and everything you'd wondered over the past few months bubbled to the surface, “You…pushed me away, Hyunjin. You completely got rid of me! I’m sure you had your reasons, but I wasn’t okay. I’m still not fucking okay. It was a complete asshole move to block me for months with no explanation. I didn’t even know you’re capable of something like that, but you know what, it sucks to find out. In my head, I built you up to be some angel on a fucking pedestal. That was obviously my mistake” 

He swallowed, adam's apple bobbing, and you could see him grappling with what to say. It felt good to render him speechless. It took away from your embarrassment of knowing that Kairi and Chan could probably hear each second of this conversation. 

“Things were always going to end this way. You knew that, Y/N” The way he spoke pissed you off, like he had a rehearsed answer in his head and no real fucking emotions. Why could he just not tell you what he truly felt? Why was he trying so hard to be someone he was not?

A dry chuckle escaped you, and it was better you take out your anger on him because you felt like crying with each word you said, “No, I didn’t know that. if I knew that you were just going to disappear, I would have preferred never to know you”

His gaze burned through you, “Y/N…”

Somebody suddenly knocked on Hyunjin’s window, and you shook away your building tears. It was an officer, and Hyunjin rolled down the window, “Yes?”

He leaned in, not knowing what he was interrupting, “Excuse me? The signal’s running at a delay. There’s going to be a ten minute hold-up”

Hyunjin nodded, “Oh okay”

He rolled the window back up, and looked back at you. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't even look at him. You hated him and his fucking nonchalance. You swallowed, “I need some air”

Before he could say something, you opened the door, stepping out. There would be a delay anyway, and hardly any cars were behind you. You walked to the side of the street, taking in a breath, willing yourself to not start fucking cry.

Another car door slammed shut behind you, and Hyunjin followed you out.

“Y/N—” He said, walking around the car, following you to the side.

Your emotions were brimming to the top, and you couldn’t keep it in. It would be petty, mean, childish but you deserved to get some answers.

You turned around, voice raising, “If I hadn’t moved to the city, you would have never met me again” It wasn’t a question. You knew he had no plans of returning to town anytime this century, “And you were just okay with that? With never seeing me again?”

He closed his eyes, his body towering over you, “It’s…not that simple”

“Yeah. It is. You didn’t even think I was worth an explanation…or a proper goodbye?”

“I…didn’t know what to say. You just have to believe when I say I’m doing this for your own good”

“Really?” You scoffed, “You expect me to believe that…? You could’ve said anything.  Anything would have been better than what I got. Just tell me what's going on, please”

“Anything I said would have hurt you” His voice was shaking, like he was going to cry. How could he ever explain that he had picked his life over you? That you were the sacrifice he had decided to make?

You loved him, and you couldn’t bear to be the reason he cried but you had so many questions. Your voice was loud, in disbelief and frustration, “How is this any different? You cut me out of your life like it was nothing”

“It wasn’t nothing. It was just as hard for me as—”

“No, I’m not done talking. After losing you, moving to the city was the hardest thing I ever did. Leaving Daejon behind, all my friends…the only life I knew, and this place where I don’t really fit perfectly, but I’m trying so hard to. It is so hard. The only thing I love…I can’t even love that anymore because I can’t fucking stop thinking about you when I’m painting! It’s not fair. You had a choice, Hyunjin. I didn’t” Your voice broke.

“Before I saw you in the shop, I was this close to calling you up” He held up a small gap between his fingers, “I just…always ended up talking myself out of it”

A scoff escaped you, at the ridiculousness of his response, “I really have a hard time believing that”

“I don’t expect you to believe me anyway” He mumbled. You stared at him, crossing your arms, wondering how everything led to this, “I thought you were different, Hyunjin, from every other guy I’ve known in my life… but you…”

He stepped closer to you, running a hand through his hair, “What was I supposed to say to you, Y/N? That I never want to see you again? Do you think that would be easy for me to say?”

“I don’t know, Hyunjin! I don’t fucking know, but anything would have been better than what I got, because the person I knew would never have acted this drastically. So, were you just pretending in Daejon? Or are you pretending now? Because I’m having a real hard time telling who the real you is, Hyunjin—”

His eyes widened at those words, as if they personally struck him. He grabbed your hands, pulling you closer to him in the process, “Y/N— Stop. I’m not…I never pretended with you”

His grip on you was firm, but enough that you could let go if you wanted. You looked up at him, and you were already so emotional, “Then why are you being so cold? You’ve been acting like you don’t care, but I don’t even know if you’re acting anymore. I feel like…I never saw the real you. That’s what you’re making me believe”

His closed his eyes, shaking his head at your words like they were the worst thing he could hear, “I’m sorry”

Your eyebrows knitted together, voice fading, “For…what?”

“For…changing my number and not telling you” He swallowed, and his hands held yours in between them like a prayer, “For…trying to push you away. For ignoring you in the shop”

His eyes glimmered with incoming tears, but he cleared his throat, and blinked them away, “I’m sorry I didn’t apologise until today”

You swallowed. You’d been waiting for an apology this whole time, but your heart still hurt. There wasn’t any explanation. You couldn’t…just believe him. Your heart squeezed so bad, it felt like a heart attack. You blinked away tears.

“There’s…a lot I want to talk to you about, but I can’t do it here” He swallowed, and there was a cloud of smoke when he talked, it was freezing outside but your heart felt dead, “You just have to believe me when I say I’m doing this for your own good”

“I don’t understand…”

He closed his eyes, and the train at the signal crossing was still passing, giving you a few more moments of his vulnerability, “I’ve told you before. If we didn’t stop talking when we did…it would have led to something more that I can’t deny. I’m not going to regret my choices because I know why I made them. And that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I will always fucking care about you, it’s insane to even think anything else but…I can’t be in your life, and you can’t be in mine”

Tears threatened to shoot up, but you had some dignity clinging on so you said, “Then what is this? Why are you still being nice to me, making conversation? Why did you show up tonight? Why are you driving me home? If you don’t want me in your life, then just…stay out of it, Hyunjin”

He blinked, glossy eyes, and suddenly the car behind you honked. The train had passed, and you were free to cross.

His voice was shaking and this was the most emotion you’d seen in him in months, “I…couldn’t leave you at the party. It’s not safe…of course I had to drive you home. I would go insane if something happened to you”

You ripped your hands away from him, “Then I guess it’s a good thing that it’s not your responsibility anymore”

»»————-

The rest of the ride was fucking horrible. You stared out the window the entire time, and Hyunjin didn’t say anything else. Maybe it really was over now. What was left to salvage? You don’t know how much Kairi and Chan had heard, but it didn’t matter anyway. They were probably getting back together, which meant you couldn’t be a part of this anymore. If Kairi started hanging out with Chan again, you would obviously not be invited. Not after they witnessed you being such a bitch to their best friend. They were friends first, after all. You were the stranger.

“The next right turn” You mumbled, as you approached the street you lived on. Hyunjin brought the car to a stop. They were now awake in the backseat. You didn’t even know what to say. You unbuckled your seatbelt, grabbing your bag of things, avoiding eye contact with anybody, “Thank you for the ride home”

“I can walk you home” Chan offered.

“I’ll be fine. It’s a minute away” You replied, holding your bag to your chest.

“It’s really late out” Chan replied, insisting. You didn’t want to argue with him any further. The longer you argued, the longer you’d have to stay in this car, next to Hyunjin. He was looking at you, but he was pretending real hard not to. The eyes flickering back and forth, it couldn’t fool you. You’d become an expert on all things him. These secretive glances were all you had back then, so how could you not notice them now?

“Don’t worry about it, Chan” You replied, shooting them a smile so they believed you. Chan nodded, and you glanced at Kairi. She looked tired, but she was in his arms, so she was clearly very happy. She smiled warmly, and you wonder if they’d heard you breaking down. Her voice was soft and sweet, and she grabbed your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, “Thank you for a perfect birthday, Y/N. You had a good time?”

“Of course.” You nodded. You were suffocating in here. You reached for the doorknob, but then you heard Hyunjin’s voice, “Good luck with class”

You couldn’t see the look in his eyes, but you’d die for it. You stepped out into the cold, glancing briefly back, “Yeah. Thanks.”

It didn’t matter because he had already looked away. It’s like he couldn’t bear to see you anymore.

»»————-

“Do you want to talk about it?” Your neighbour, Jeongin, stood in the doorway. You had been standing in the cold for a while, staring at the spot the car had been. It had driven off a while ago, but you could still picture it where it stood. The humming of the engine, the heat, the stupid 80s music stuck in your head. You had been so mean to him. He didn’t deserve it.

You looked at him in surprise, “You’re awake?”

“I work on European time” He shrugged, leaning against the doorway. It was freezing cold, and you could feel it in your bones. It had never been this way back home. “Let’s just go inside” You spoke.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea” He smiled, pulling you in by your arm, “I was wondering how the party went”

You followed him up the stairs, feeling like a zombie in each step, “It was good. I missed you at it. You should have come”

“I’m sure Nate kept you plenty company” Jeongin laughed, “Are you going to go to sleep now?”

It was almost six am, and the sun was rising. You don’t think you could fall asleep with these thoughts in your head. You glanced at him, “Why? You got something in mind?”

He grinned, like he'd been waiting for you to ask him this. And so you spent the dawn with Jeongin, in his cosy apartment, struggling over a 1000-piece puzzle and downing the red wine he’d brought you. He didn’t ask you any questions, which was nice. You wouldn’t even know where to start. He was sweet and he was always smiling, telling you about his work and all the new video games he’d bought. You prolonged everything, asking more questions, anything to keep the focus on him. You didn’t want to go back to your empty apartment and face your thoughts.

“How long have you been living here?” You asked. The window in his apartment was bigger than yours, facing out at the busy street, as the city woke up and came back to life.

“Almost my entire life. Moved here when I was twelve” He told you. You couldn’t bring yourself to be excited about this anymore, or about anything else. You missed your friends, the familiarity and comfort of them. You missed the diner, and it’s cheap coffee.

“Does it ever get easy?”

He laughed, “Honestly, no. Seoul…is hard to fall in love with, but once you do…you never go back”

You sighed, placing the final piece of the puzzle. You missed your art shop. It had always kept you safe and happy. If you knew it was going to be this hard leaving that behind, you would have thought twice, “I think…some people probably never get used to it. That makes me sad”

“Yeah?” He asked, “But you’re used to it now, aren’t you? You once told me it was written in the stars for you to come here”

“I don’t know if I believe in that anymore”

He relaxed on his couch, “I’m sure things will change. You’ll find something worth staying for”

You shrugged, pushing the puzzle to the side and it fell apart, all the pieces getting jumbled up. He didn’t complain about you ruining your hours worth of hard work. He just watched you grapple with your thoughts. You looked up at him, feeling hollow inside, “I think I made a mistake, Jeongin”

»»————-

Kairi had apparently found the best dessert shop in the city. She had pleaded you for hours until you’d decided to come. There were no seats inside the place, it was so busy, and so you and Kairi sat on a patio table outside. You looked around, as you swirled your hot coffee around. There were no leaves on the trees anymore. Winter had finally come.

“I’m going to bring Chris this when he gets back” She spoke, through a mouthful of brownie, “He doesn’t really have a sweet tooth, but I know he will love this. I once baked the boys this cake for Jisung’s birthday, and Chris said he hated it, but I saw him eat all the leftovers later. He literally stole mine too!” She laughed.

“When he’s back from where?”

“Oh, right. They’re in Japan. They had a flight the morning after my birthday, remember? Well, they’re supposed to show up at an event in Tokyo, and then they come back home for a few days, until they go back again. It’s the end of the season so there’s a bunch of award shows” She told you, sprinkling sugar crystals into her coffee. You didn’t know that they were in an entirely different country, “Must be hard. All the flying back and forth”

She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink, “Not really. They’re used to it at this point. It’s tiring, but…in their line of work, they have to learn to adjust”

Maybe that was your biggest flaw. You couldn’t adjust. To a different life, to new friends, to a new bed. To a life without him. 

“I’m sorry if I ruined your birthday”

Her eyes widened, and she kept her cup of coffee down, “What are you talking about? You’re the one that made it perfect. You made it happen in the first place!”

“Yeah, but…” You trailed off, feeling embarrassed, “You must have heard us”

She swallowed, “I didn’t hear anything. It wasn’t my business to.”

You looked up at her, “Chan must hate me”

“What? Why would he?”

You looked down, “I’m…an asshole”

She reached ahead, grabbing your hand, “No one thinks you’re an asshole”

You let out a sigh, and you didn’t believe her, but there was no point arguing. 

The next week, the boys flew back home. You only knew because Kairi told you. She had been counting down the days till they returned. She invited you out to a small get-together, but they would all be there. You said no. 

Slowly, all your plans with Kairi became into plans with Kairi and Chan. You wouldn’t mind at all, because you loved Chan. You just hated that he almost always came with Hyunjin. So you never went to any of those. He would be grateful. He probably never wanted to see you again either. Your time with Kairi became divided. You didn’t blame her. She was in love, and you wouldn’t deny her any time with him. It became obvious how much happier she was around him.

A week later, you realised you still had Hyunjin’s sweater that he’d given to you at the party. So, you washed it and returned it to Kairi, hoping he wasn’t angry that you kept it with you for so long. You’d truthfully forgotten. You wouldn’t want to keep anything of his longer than you had to anyway. 

»»————-

Nate was staring in awe at your painting. It was balanced on the easel, and you stood next to it, embarrassed at the attention it got. Nate laughed in disbelief, “Holy shit. That’s…beautiful. When did you get the time to make that?”

It was show-and-tell day. You were almost in the middle of your semester, and you were supposed to display your best work in class. You looked back at your painting. Ever since Kairi’s birthday, you hadn’t left your room. You’d been fixated on this. There was only one good thing left for you here, and it was this opportunity. You’d do anything to grasp at it, and maybe all your sadness and heartbreak had ended up being perfect inspiration. You had been endlessly inspired, each brushstroke came to you so easily. Perhaps all good art did come from suffering. Your best work to date you’d done when feeling your worst. You’d sniffled, and cried and fought your way through it.

“I…found time” You shrugged. Your hands were folded behind your back as you explained it to every single person who passed it. All the easels were set up in a circle, and it was almost like those expensive Château classes you could never afford to go to. Nate smiled at you, tilting his head, “You’re so mysterious. It suits you”

“I’m really not trying to be” You replied, “It just…came to me”

His eyes trailed over you. You’d tried to dress your best, an outfit you’d bought off the fancy boutiques, and it had cost you a fortune but none of your own clothes would fit the vibe. Nate’s voice dropped, “Is it weird if I say that you being coy is a turn-on?” 

You smiled at him, wondering why his words had no effect on you. He made you feel wanted. He flirted with you endlessly. He was attracted to you. He actually wanted to talk to you. 

But you knew that was all. He didn’t want to date you. He certainly didn’t have any intentions of a relationship. Perhaps, you didn’t want to just be wanted anymore. 

“Mmh. It’s…a little weird” You teased him.

Kim Jieong approached you, and you straightened up, pulling Nate to the side. He glanced at your painting, and he certainly looked impressed. There was a small smile on his lips, and he was observing your art with all the focus in the world, “How many hours did you spend on this?”

“Maybe…twenty”

He laughed at your feeble attempt of lying, “That looks like…it took a hundred, at the least. Is it all you did this week?”

You nodded, “That’s what I’m here for”

He looked at your painting again, “As your professor, I have to say that I wish you hadn’t sacrificed sleep for this, but…” He leaned in closer, voice dropping, “This is exactly why I picked you, sweetheart”

Your eyes widened, not used to this proximity, but you felt so special. He hadn’t said this to anybody else. He was far too close to you, but you blinked at him, “Are you proud of me?”

He laughed, lifting a finger up, “You’re not there yet”

Your face fell.

“I’ll be proud of you if you can get that done in a day” He smiled wide, hands clasped behind his back, “You should start preparing for next week. I want you to make something special. If you win, it’d mean a lot for you, Y/N”

You nodded, remembering the assignment. The best painting in the class would be chosen for a prize. A scholarship, and the chance to get your work displayed in Seoul Museum of Art. It would certainly make everything much easier, taking the burden off you, and you’d also get a perfect start. You would finally be able to prove your worth here.

»»————-

You’d been painting all day, and your clothes were ruined with stains. You were working on the assignment for next week, it had to be perfect to win, and you hadn't got much sleep, completely immersing yourself into this. In a little break, you laid on your couch, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the call to go through. Yeonjun picked up your phone call, and he sounded so happy on the other end. It had been a while since you’d talked to him and he apologised, “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy with work. There was a company retreat last week, and we went out to these cabins in the woods. It was straight from a horror movie, and there was no network there. I took some pictures for you though”

“How did it go? That sounds nice, to be away from everything”

He laughed, “It was. I missed you though. But…I have some news to tell you…something happened”

“Yeah?”

“Remember the girl from my work I said was cute? She…kissed me. We actually, ended up making out in the hot tub. It was really fucking nice” You could imagine him smiling on the other end, and it warmed your heart. You sat up, smiling, “Are you serious? That’s so…amazing. So…you guys made out? Is that all that happened?”

He laughed on the other end, “No. We…slept together. Every night of the retreat”

Your eyes widened, “You’re kidding me. So, you really really like this girl”

“I mean, yeah, things with her are so…simple and easy. She gets me, and she’s so fun to be around. Sometimes that’s just how it has to be”

You thought of the polaroids on his desk of Hana, “Did she never ask about the pictures on your work desk?”

Yeonjun laughed nervously, “I…ended up taking those down. It’s easier to move on that way. I mean, I won’t ever be over her, but…it’s a start”

“Yeah. You’re probably right”

“I may have discovered a new kink about myself” He joked, “I have an urge to just move to that cabin and live in that hot tub forever”

You smiled, “Maybe you should”

“How about you though?”

“Well…I’ve been trying to make my magnum opus. If I have the best painting in class, I get to win this insane amount of money for a scholarship, and…it’ll be perfect”

“Well, you’re obviously going to win. I already know you’re the best in class”

You smiled, “I appreciate your faith in me…I think I’m going to start working on it in the classroom. It’s going to be a really big canvas, and there’s not much space in my apartment”

“That makes sense. And um, I wanted to ask, how are things with…Hyunjin? Did you guys ever talk after you saw him in the shop?”

You lay back down, and the lie was on easy on your tongue, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since then”

“Wow. He…hasn’t even reached out to you?”

You shrugged, echoing his words from before, “I don’t care. It’s easier to move on that way”

»»————-

Your canvas lay across multiple tables, occupying most of the space in your classroom. You’d joined them all together, it had taken a lot of strength, but it was worth it. Now, you sat on top of the paper cross-legged in the center. It was easier to work this way, as if the entire floor was your painting. You hope you weren’t breaking any rules by being in the classroom after hours. You’d just wanted some time to work on your painting, and you weren’t exactly inspired at your place. Your anger from the past few days had manifested into this; an insane obsession to make this your best work ever. You would prefer that over sadness. This, after all, was the only reason you’d come here. Not for him. It was almost midnight, and you scooted across the canvas, filling in more details of your sketch. Your plan was far too ambitious, but you were going to have to go all out to win the contest. It was the only thing you cared about right now.

“I didn’t know anybody was in here” The voice made you jump. Nobody was supposed to come in here right now, the building was shut down. You glanced up, watching Kim Jieong walk in, and you smiled at him, “Professor. Hi”

His eyes narrowed in on your silhouette, and a familiar smile across his face, “Oh, it’s you. What…in god’s name are you doing on top of the tables?”

“Um, my canvas is pretty big, so I thought it’d be easier to work like this” You explained. He laughed loudly, “You’re adorable, Y/N. You know that?”

You sat back down comfortably, realising he would let you stay here, “Um. Thank you, professor”

He looked around, “Oh, please don’t let me interrupt you. Why is it so dark in here though? I can hardly see you"

Adjusting your canvas and brushes around it, you spoke, “I like it that way. I think much better in the dark, the lights were too bright. Plus, the moonlight looks really nice”

You think he smiled at your words but you couldn’t tell in the dark. You could barely see him, just his silhouette and you heard him laugh. You heard his footsteps as he approached his own desk, “So, we’re far from the final project. I’m curious why you’re in the studio”

You bit your lip, feeling anxious about all this effort you were putting in, “I’m working on the contest painting. The scholarship…I really want to try my best. I also don’t work too well at my apartment, I thought maybe I could work here”

“When I got a notification that a student was still in the studio, I was curious. I had to cut my dinner short”

“Oh” You blinked, feeling guilty, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it notified you…”

“Of course, it’s for the safety of our students” He smiled, stepping towards your workspace, “Would you indulge me in what you’re working on…or is it a surprise?”

Your canvas wasn’t ready to show, “I’d prefer if you see it when it’s finished”

He laughed, and asked, “May I sit next to you?”

“Oh, you won’t be getting back to your dinner?” You asked, looking up at him.

“No, I’d like to stay here with you”

He was perhaps the only person in the world you wanted to be around right now, so you didn’t mind. His presence would calm and comfort you, “Of course. That’d be fine with me, professor”

He pulled a stool up close to your workspace. The greenhouse-studio was deathly quiet and he inched closer to your table. You stared at your big sketch, “I’m really sorry about interrupting your dinner. I thought it’d be fine if I let myself in”

“Don’t apologise, sweetheart. My wife was pretty tired anyway. Just gave us a reason to end the night early”

He was at dinner with his wife? You didn’t even know he was married, but he was in his late thirties so it made sense. You continued adding details, but you couldn’t focus when he was observing you so close. Thankfully the dark could conceal your expressions and embarrassment. You ought to feel proud. The greatest artist in the country was here to watch you paint.

“Have you…eaten dinner yet?” You heard him ask. You glanced up, gesturing to the side of the classroom where your leftovers lay, “Yeah, I had some chinese takeout. Although when I’m painting, I don’t get hungry for hours.”

He just hummed in response. You were grateful that your mentor wanted to sit with you so badly that he skipped dinner with his wife. But the other part disliked the supervision, and you did want some alone time. Still, he was the greatest living artist, so you’d learn to adjust to it. After everything that had happened, he was also your only hope of making it big in the city. He was the sole reason you were still here, spending thousands just to stay in Seoul so you could attend the classes. You looked at him, and he was admiring you while you worked, so you said, “I might be here all night. I wouldn’t want to keep you"

He frowned, “I don’t mind staying. I could get some work done too”

“Oh…sure” You looked back at your sketch, erasing off a mistake. He stood up, walking towards the cabinet, sifting through canvases. Usually, you weren’t awkward around him, but right now it was really late and you were tired to make small talk. But it’d be weirder if you just stayed quiet. You felt a need to fill in the silence with anything, “So, Professor, um…your wife. How did you meet her?”

He shrugged in your peripheral vision, not particularly excited to answer, “The usual. We were high school sweethearts. Got married as soon as we graduated. I was too focused on my art to pursue other women anyway”

You nodded. Well, that made it even more awkward. So you kept going, “Right. Wow. High school, that’s really cool. Was she…any of the inspirations for your paintings?”

“Some of them, yes”

“That’s really nice.” You smiled, sketching out the boundaries for the stars. The idea for this painting had come to you after waking from a dreamless sleep. You’d ended up researching for it for hours, making sure you were portraying accurate art. You couldn’t wait to present your concept next week.

“What about you?” He asked.

“Sorry?” 

“You have a boyfriend?”

You blinked, a nervous laugh escaping you, “Um…not currently. I’m also…I guess, trying to focus on my art, and build a career from it”

He smiled at you, crossing his arms, “Guess we’re more alike than I thought”

You looked back at your canvas as he walked closer to you, “The temptation to understand your sketch is a lot. Can you give me a hint as to what it’s about?”

You slid your sketchbook towards him, where you’d drawn up a miniature version of the sketch, “All I can tell you now is that it’s…a landscape, inspired by my time in the city so far. I was walking home the other night and I couldn’t help but notice the night sky. I’ve always liked it, and I know it’s been overdone in art, but I wanted to explore a new side of it. Someone once told me that there’s no stars in the city, which just…sounds so sad. I was thinking along the lines of that. What do you think so far?”

He pushed his glasses up, a proud smile on his face, “I think that…I’m incredibly lucky to have you. I can't wait to see what you'll do with this”

Your eyes widened, unsure how to respond, “Um…I mean, we’re the lucky ones. We get to study under you, Professor”

He laughed, his voice echoing through the empty studio, “Stop calling me Professor. I think you and me are way past that, don’t you?”

“It’s…only appropriate.” You frowned, going back to work. That was weird. You don't think you would feel comfortable calling him by his first name. And then, you felt another stupid need to fill in the prolonged silence. He was here watching you after all, you could just ask him all the things you’d wondered for years, “Um, I wanted to ask. The painting about the moons. Celestial Fatality. Did you paint that when you were in college?”

He hummed mindlessly, not really answering your question, then he grabbed your sketchbook off the table. Eyebrows furrowed, he stared at it, "I think you can work on your perspective, but these are nice. These hands. You’ve drawn them countless times”

“Yeah” You felt embarrassed, and climbed off the table so you could also see what he was looking at, “It’s a friend from back home”

“Did you draw these from observation?” He asked, as you joined him at his side.

“Hmm. He really wanted me to draw his hands,” You said, recalling the time Hyunjin made you observe them.

Kim Jieong laughed, “Can’t blame him”

A nervous laugh escaped you at those words, “Yeah.” What did he mean by that? You reached to get your sketchbook back. Instead of handing it to you though, he sat down on the desk, turning the pages of your book, “These ones are pretty good too”

“Yeah” You nodded, taking a seat next to him, unsure of what to do, “I made those a while ago”

As he turned another page, something drifted out, landing on the floor. Your eyes widened, and you reached for it. The photobooth strip pictures of you and Hyunjin. You felt embarrassed, but thankfully, Kim Jieong didn’t notice or see them fall out. You grabbed them, hiding them between your palms on your lap. There was nothing wrong with him seeing them, but…it was embarrassing and stupid to carry around pictures of a boy who wasn’t even your boyfriend. 

“You’re very talented” Kim Jieong spoke again, voice dropping low.

“Oh…thank you. It means a lot hearing it from someone like you” 

He finally put your sketchbook to the side, looking right at you. He did look kind of intimidating in this light, towering over you, “This scholarship means a lot to you?”

You swallowed, feeling embarrassed, “Yeah. I could use the help. It’s an expensive life here, and I’d really appreciate it. Plus, the exhibition would be a great kickstart to…a career”

“The others don’t need the scholarship. They just want it so they can win” He said, then leaned forward, “Don’t the rich kids get on your nerves sometimes? They don’t act out of necessity, but you…” He pointed a soiled paintbrush at you, “You’re wonderful because… you’re desperate”

“I’m sorry?”

“Desperate to be seen, and respected. As an artist, I mean. I don’t mean that badly, but all great inventions are born out of necessity. I think that’s why you stand out from the rest”

You didn’t know how to take this compliment, “I guess”

“You know you have the potential to go so many places?” He asked, tilting his head, waving your sketchbook about in one hand. It was so dark in here, and the building was completely empty except for the two of you. This…felt increasingly inappropriate. You were in the studio after-hours with your professor and he was far too close for comfort. He was your favourite artist…but he was still a grown man and you didn’t want to overstep as a student.

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged and stepped closer to you, caging you against the table, “I mean, the right people can get you into any exhibition you dream of in the world. Paris, New York, Seoul. Isn’t that what you fantasise?”

An awkward chuckle escaped you. He was far too close to you, “Yeah. That’s the end goal. The scholarship…would definitely make it easier to get there”

Suddenly, the sound of roaring thunder distracted you and you looked to the windows. The clouds had now hidden the moon, casting a dark shadow over the entire art studio. A chill ran up your spine, and you suddenly felt uncomfortable at his proximity.

“Um..I think the last bus home leaves in twenty minutes. I’ll try to catch it” You stated, shooting him a smile and standing up.

You took your bag, but Kim Jieong grabbed your arm, pulling you back towards him, “You can always convince me”

“Sorry?” You fumbled, stupidly. You…had to have heard him wrong. What was he talking about?

He smiled sweetly, and in the dark, his glasses glittered, “If you won the scholarship, the other students wouldn’t question it, you’ve already proven your worth to everyone”

“Right” You were unsure what he was trying to say, or hinting at. What the fuck did he mean by saying that you could convince him? “I should really go”

“It’s pouring. You’ll catch your death out there, Y/N” He stated, pointing to the storm outside. You swallowed, his grip on your arm foreign, “That’s fine. I have an umbrella”

“Ridiculous. I’ll give you a ride home” He shook his head.

“You really don’t have to. I already feel bad for ruining your dinner”

“Oh, stop apologising, Y/N. Your sweet talk drives me mad sometimes” His hand moved from your arm to your waist, wrapping around it and he pulled you closer to his body, "You stress too much. You need to learn to let things go”

You took a step back, unsure how to process this, “Professor…”

He closed the distance, and his other hand grabbed your chin, voice low in the dark room, “Why do you seem so nervous? You don’t have to be around me. We’re just talking, aren’t we?”

“Right” You were having a hard time breathing, panic surging through you. He was right. Of course. He was your professor. He would never hurt you or make you uncomfortable. He was a living legend. You shouldn’t be nervous. He was just being kind to you. He was the only person you’d looked up to your entire life, the reason you’d tried so hard to come here, and he would never do something wrong.

“I can see you struggling in class, and I know you’re doing everything you can to prove your worth. I’ve asked you this before, about what your dream is. ” He spoke, voice as low as a whisper, fingers gripping your jaw. 

“I…I don’t know what you mean” Your voice was shaking from the nerves, with no fucking idea how to navigate this situation. If you pushed him away, you’d lose all chance of winning the prize.

“Well….whatever it is” He smiled sweetly, and in the low light he looked less like the mentor you’d grown up loving and more menacing, “All you have to do…is ask me”

His eyes flickered to your lips, and back to your eyes. His grip on your waist was so tight, it felt like his palm was burning into your skin through your shirt. Had you somehow given him an alluded hint? He took a step even closer.

“I’m sorry….” You pushed him just enough so he wasn’t holding you anymore.

He looked surprised, eyes wide, and he laughed, “Y/N…What are you doing?” You grabbed your bag in a hurry, “I’m sorry. I should really go. The last bus…”

He called after you, but you rushed through the glass doors to the emergency stairwell. You didn’t want to be stuck in the elevator with him. You couldn’t breathe, legs moving off their own accord. A flash of lightning through the glass windows scared you, and you all but ran down the emergency stairwell, bag hanging off your shoulder, fists clenched. What the fuck. He obviously wasn’t making a move on you, right? You were just being paranoid. He was your professor. He was…the most famous artist in Seoul. He was the kindest person ever. You had to have been reading into things. 

You pushed the heavy door open, walking out onto the street. It was pouring rain, and you let out a breath, taking in the air. The rain soaked through your clothes, and you were shivering. You wanted to call Hyunjin so he could pick you up and so you could cry in his arms, the only place where you'd feel safe, but he'd never even given you his new number. He clearly wanted nothing to do with you. You looked down at your hands, and in your tension…you’d completely crushed the photobooth strip to pieces. 

Raindrops slowly trickled down, tracing the ruined paper in your palm. The only memory left of you and Hyunjin was now gone.

»»————-

You didn’t show up to class the next day. Or the next. Or the one after that.

You were still trying to wrap your head around it. Were you stupid for declining his advances and whatever he was suggesting? You couldn’t go back to class and face him. You’d be too embarrassed of your reaction. Maybe he wasn’t even suggesting anything and you jumped to conclusions. You had to have been imagining things. After all, he didn't actually do anything. Still, you’d ruined all your chances of getting the scholarship and succeeding in his class. What if he brought it up in class? What would the others think?

Your body was shaking from the cold. The heating in your apartment wasn’t working, so you sat on the floor, back to the kitchen counter, knees pulled up. You’d forgotten your huge canvas in class too, and it was probably in the garbage by now.

Your phone buzzed loudly, and Felix was calling. You picked up so he wouldn’t worry, but your voice sounded hollow, “Yes?”

“Babe. Where have you been? You’re not answering any texts the past week”

“I’m sorry…I got caught up in things. Is everything okay, Felix?”

“More than okay” He smiled on the other end, “I’m at the diner. They’re throwing a big party tonight! Apparently, it’s been ten years since it opened! Can you believe it?”

“Wow…it feels like we’d been going there our whole life”

“That’s what I said!” His excited voice came in, “So anyway for their anniversary celebration…all the drinks and food is free. You best believe I’m making full use of it”

You could hear so many familiar voices in the back, “Who all is there…?”

“Umm…well me and Minho, obviously. Hana’s here too. Seonmi, Eunbi and the others. Seungmin’s here as well.”

“Wow…I really wish I was there, Felix”

“Mm, I wish that too. Your apprenticeship better be worth it, Y/N. You’re missing all the good stuff. And everybody in Daejon misses you a lot. Mrs. Aera came up to me today and said the shop’s a mess without you haha”

“Really? It is? Mina isn’t taking care of it?”

“Ah, you know how Mina is. She can’t organise for the life of her. That shop was basically running because of you” He laughed, and you could hear him chew something.

“What are you eating?”

“Blueberry-chocolate waffles. There’s this new recipe Seonmi is trying out, and it’s so good. You should have it when you come back. How about you, love? Are you missing me a lot?”

“So much” You mumbled.

“Kim Jieong better be worth it” He sighed, “I guess I forgive you because you’ve been obsessed with him for years. Is he as dreamy as you imagined?”

“Um…” Your gut hurt, the memory of that night flooding through you, “Yeah. He’s…great”

“I’m sure he is” Felix chuckled, “I still remember how you stole all the magazines in the library that had his paintings in it”

“I didn’t steal them” You protested, “I just…borrowed them for a really long time”

He laughed, “To fawn all over your artist crush. I get it. And…what about your other lover? You accidentally bumped into him yet?”

You forced a smile, not having enough energy to protest that he wasn’t your lover, “No…I haven’t seen him”

“Well. Seoul isn’t that big, I’m sure you’ll find him. Or he’ll find you. Oh, I also forgot to tell you! A new cafe opened up in Daejon last week. It’s some fusion book-and-coffee cafe. They actually have the best coffee in town, no you didn’t hear me say that Seonmi” He started laughing, and you could hear them in the background. Suddenly, the past few months felt like a joke.

There were only two reasons you’d uprooted your life and come here. Now, you’d lost them both. 

So why were you still here?

Maybe you had acted rashly. You thought you’d fit in here, and that this was where you were meant to be. You’d felt stuck there, but here you weren’t any better. You'd probably only found the courage to come here because you knew Hyunjin was here too, and that was clearly...not the right thing to do. He didn't even want you near him, or anywhere in his life. He had made that plenty clear.

“I think I made a mistake” You whispered.

“Sorry?” Felix asked, still laughing loudly, “What mistake?”

“Moving out…I shouldn’t have done that”

“Wait…what? What do you mean?”

“I think I should come home”

“You’re messing with me. Right?” Felix laughed, “Didn’t you want to move to the city since you were fifteen?”

“But I was a kid. I didn’t know anything. I had no idea what to expect”

“Y/N…what are you saying?”

“I was happy in Daejon. I should never have come to Seoul” You stood up, moving to your bedroom.

It was like a parasite, an idea festering into your brain and heart, that maybe this was the reason for this unhappiness. Things were perfect in Daejon. Why had you been complaining all your life? All of your happy memories were there, so the logical thing to do…was go back to where they were created. Then you’d be happy again. You hadn’t learnt how to be happy in this house, in this city, in this new life. 

“Babe. I would be the happiest boy in the world if you came home to me, but maybe you should think this through. Did something happen? Why are you being like this?”

You grabbed your duffel bag off the shelf, “I can’t go back to class, Felix! I can’t. I messed up, big time”

“No, I’m sure you didn’t. You could never—”

“You don’t even know what happened!” You yelled. He fell silent on the other end, “Love. Just…what’s going on?”

You stared at your empty bag, “I’m…coming home. I should never have come here”

“Is that Y/N?” Minho’s familiar, comforting voice came in. You wanted to hug him and never let go. They were so far away. “Yeah” Felix responded to him, voice falling, “She says she’s…coming home”

“Give me the phone” Minho mumbled, “Y/N. What’s going on?”

You tossed your clothes in your bag, messily zipping it up, “I can’t stay here, Min”

“But what about the art classes?”

“If I don’t withdraw, I’ll probably be kicked out anyway” You mumbled, “I didn’t go to classes all week"

“You should think this through”

“I have thought it through! It was a stupid fucking mistake. One I needed to make. You know what they say anyway. The grass is greener on the other side. I just fell for the charms of the city, like everybody else”

“No disrespect but you’re making no sense” Minho’s voice was harsh, “You can’t just give up”

“Can you give the phone back to Felix please?” You asked.

“Fine” You heard it being passed around and then his voice came in, “Love. I’m here”

“Lix” You swallowed, “I know it seems like I’m being irrational, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I know it’s embarrassing and stupid, but maybe I was never supposed to be here”

Felix’s voice was so soft, calm, encouraging. You just needed to be near him, in his arms. “I believe you, Y/N. I’m gonna be okay with whatever you decide. I just really want you to think about this”

“I…I want to hug you, Lix” A sniffle escaped you, “I don’t want to go back to class” The idea had completely taken over you.

“Are you sure?”

“Nothing can make me stay” You swallowed. There was a sigh of resignation on the other end, and you knew he wouldn’t fight with you. He would agree with whatever you decided, and that’s what you needed right now. That’s why you called him, and not Yeonjun, or your other friends. Felix was the one person who wanted you home more than anything. He wouldn’t talk you out of it, even if this seemed like the stupidest decision you might be making. 

“What do you need me to do?” He asked, voice soft on the other end. Relief spread through you, and you stopped to look at the window outside your apartment, “A train ticket.”

You could sublease your apartment. You could figure the rest out from the comfort of your real home. You could go back to Aera’s, and get your life in order. You’d find a way to love Felix back. After all, he was the only one who wanted you the way you needed to be wanted. Maybe you were destined for that kind of life after all, where everything stays the same everyday. But that’s good, it was safe. The boy you loved had made you think that you belonged in the city, but he couldn't be more wrong.

That’s what you told yourself, at least, ripping your paintings off the wall. In your short-lived time here, you’d made and put them up to feel less lonely. There’d be no room to carry them back, so you bunched them up, carrying them to the garbage disposal in your apartment. As you shoved them in the disposal, you felt nothing. The hallway was warmer than your apartment and it made you feel a tad better.

Your phone buzzed again, and Felix had sent you something. The train ticket he’d bought for you. It was for tomorrow morning. You knew that you could always trust Felix, with anything. He would always be there for you, if nothing else. Perhaps you'd taken your friendship with him for granted this whole time.

“Need some help?” Jeongin asked. He was coming up the stairs, probably after having heard your struggle with the garbage. You shot him a smile, nodding. He came over, helping you, “Are you redecorating?”

“You could say that…”

“Wait. Are these your paintings?” He realised, stopping halfway.

“Can you help me with something?” You looked at him. He looked confused, and he was frowning, “Um. Sure. What do you need help with?”

“My suitcases…I don’t think the elevator is working”

“Are you going somewhere?” He tilt his head, further confusion scrunching his face. In another life, you and Jeongin could have been really good friends. 

“I’m just going home for a while” You mumbled, shutting the garbage door. For a while would be forever. He didn’t need to know that. It’s not like he would be sad, or miss your presence. 

“Oh. Okay. Of course, I’ll be there in a bit”

Back in your apartment, your phone buzzed again. It was your groupchat with Jeonghan and Minnie. You skimmed through the messages, feeling regretful.

yn are you sick? what’s going on? professor jieong told us you weren’t eligible for the prize anymore

You turned your phone off, staring outside the little kitchen window. The traffic wasn’t as loud as usual. It was a quiet night.

You hugged yourself, trying to find a singular reason to stay. Why had you wanted this life for so long? It had given you nothing but heartbreak, yet a part of you was so sad about leaving tomorrow. You squeezed your eyes shut, a single tear escaping. Maybe you wanted a sign to stay, despite everything in you screaming to leave. When you opened you eyes, your reflection mirrored on the glass pane and then you saw it.

A snowflake drifting down. It twirled in place and your eyes followed its path before it settled on your ledge, quickly crumbling into nothingness.

And then more followed, a flurry of snow falling like stardust. It was beautiful, a cloud of white enveloping everything so quickly, covering the street below. 

Your first snow in the city. 

A bitter smile tugged at your lips. 

The doorbell rang.

Jeongin was already here to help you with the bags. 

So much for a sign.

You grabbed your duffel, and your suitcase, wheeling it out. The quicker you moved with things, the easier it would be. Reaching for the rusty brass doorknob, you pulled the door open.

“Can you take this one? I’ll bring the other” You mumbled, pushing your things out. He nodded, still seemingly confused but he asked no questions, “What time’s your train?”

“In a few hours” You glanced at your phone, “But if there’s going to be a snowstorm, I’d prefer being at the station early…”

He grinned, still so happy and you wish he could share his secrets of eternal happiness, “Smart move. If it was me, I’d probably miss my train. Can’t tell you how many times that’s happened”

You smiled at him, “I can’t afford that”

“I called a taxi cab for you” He said. You nodded, “I’ll meet you downstairs. Thank you, Jeongin”

You stepped back into your apartment. There wasn’t much you’d brought with you, so there wasn’t much you had to take back. You’d never grown fond of this apartment. It had always felt like an inbetween place, while you waited your life to be perfect. Waiting was doing no favours for you.

You shoved your sketchbook into your duffel, putting on your coat before closing the apartment door behind you, and your throat closed up as you realised what you were doing. This was so fucking stupid, and this was rash but what else could you even do? Maybe you could come back to the city in the future if you wanted, but right now it was a terrible decision. You would go back home and you would hug Felix, and maybe you would kiss him and the ache in your heart would be better. The thought of his arms around you, as someone who genuinely cared about you, already made you want to cry.

You unceremoniously dragged your bag across the landing, and the taxi must have arrived already because you heard a loud honk.

It was freezing in the otherwise heated hallway. Your breaths came out in soft mists.

The door downstairs must have been left open, sending cold winds and flurries of snowflakes up the apartment. 

Jeongin would never forget to do that…

As you approached the top step with your bags, you realised who’d left it open.

Draped in a beige trench coat, cheeks red from the cold, Hyunjin stood at the bottom of your staircase.

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :) 

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flowers on the floor (kys) | part one.

—summary: when yeosang decided he was going to take a month-long vacation, he was mainly hoping to get away from his mundane routine and the stress of work. he certainly wasn’t expecting to meet you and build a connection unlike he’s ever known. when the end of his vacation nears, promises are made to keep the relationship alive, to keep it blossoming. but eventually, as the reality settles in and the distance continues to put a wedge into your relationship, you drop your end of the promise without any trace. despite the heartbreak, all yeosang can do is think about you— hoping the universe will lead you to each other again.

—pairing: kang yeosang x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 30k

—content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, somewhat of a love at first sight/soulmate kinda thing?, mentions of a broken family relationship, family pressures and high expectations, mentions of past hookups/flings, hints at a toxic relationship/ex, alcohol consumption and intoxication, lots of making out and kissing lol, little acts of affection, bar scenes, dancing, unprotected sex, slight choking, subtle marking, fingering/clit play, mentions of oral, mentions of phone sex, handjob, multiple orgasms, aftercare, ANGST ooof, crying, overthinking and insecurities (lots of it), sorry if i missed anything!!

Kang Yeosang is typically okay with routine. 

He wakes up at 6am on the dot every day and gets himself ready for work. He grabs a banana or some boiled eggs for a quick breakfast, waiting until he arrives at the office at 8am to grab his hot cup of black coffee. He’s usually the first to be in the kitchen, helping himself to the fresh pot before Jongho, Chaerin and Wooyoung [in that order] walk in for their own servings. They gather around and chat for a bit before they head to their desks and get to work. They all work on the finance team as finance managers, preparing monthly reports and acting as liaisons between the company’s departments and outside vendors/customers. It’s a pretty flexible job, as long as they get what they need to get done and meet deadlines and attend required meetings. Most people are nice and hardworking, his boss is fairly understanding with most circumstances. Yeosang gets paid well, too. In the end, he can’t really complain. After his work day ends at 5pm, he heads straight to the gym for a good, long workout before he’s grabbing dinner to go or heading home to whip something up. He showers, gets comfortable, then hops on for a game of League before he’s laying in bed and watching useless Youtube videos. 

Then, the routine starts all over again.

Lately though, the routine’s been frustrating. Annoying to deal with. Overwhelming. People had been leaving [either permanently or taking days off after days off], dumping all the work on him to take over. He’s been taking it without complaint, but for someone who hasn’t really taken time off in the past year, his patience was running thin. Body burning out. Everything suddenly felt so mundane. Monotonous. Maybe, he finally needed a break to do something different. Maybe, he just needed a break period. That’s why he’s taking a leave of absence for a month, that’s why Wooyoung’s sitting in the driver’s seat— his bestfriend of 10 years shooting him a weird look while he makes his way to the train station with Yeosang chillin’ in the front seat.

“Wow, you’re really doing this shit.”

“No, I just submitted my leave request for shits and giggles.” Yeosang looks at Wooyoung.

“What’re you even gonna do there for a month?”

“Be away from you and Jongho, and finally be at peace.”

“You’ll be missing us as soon as you hop off that train.” 

“Right.”

“Seriously, what’re you gonna do there? I hope you find a fuckbuddy to keep you sane.”

“You know, we’re not all like you. Needing a new starting five every damn week.”

“Eh, and where’s the fun in that?” Woo teases with a small laugh. “Kidding. But also not. Really do hope you get laid while you’re on vacation.” Yeosang shakes his head and continues to look out the window, watching as the surroundings quickly pass him by. He’s honestly not sure what he’ll do over the month. He picked the town that seemed to match his vibe lately. Lowkey. Peaceful. Near the water. Convenience. Slow paced. He could spend his days at the beach and be completely content. Or, even sitting all day in the in-law he’s renting near the beach just listening to the water crash against the sand. Hell, beats another day sitting at his desk plugging in numbers and making graphs before answering passive aggressive emails from the operations department. Anywhere but here.

“You better be a good fucking friend and call me while you’re out there.” Wooyoung finally makes it to the train station and pulls up to the passenger drop-off to help Yeosang gather his things from the trunk.

“I will.”

“I’ll miss you.” Woo pouts as he pulls him into a hug.

“I’ll be back.” Yeo laughs. “Take care of Jongho and Chaerin while I’m gone.”

“Damn, Chaerin’s probably gonna cry while you’re away.”

“Stop that. She’ll be fine.” Yeo rolls his eyes at Woo’s teasing attempt. Everyone knew Chaerin had feelings for Yeo. Unfortunately, he just didn’t see her that way since he’s always considered her a good friend since they met. He didn’t wanna ruin things, didn’t wanna force something to be there when there wasn’t. He especially didn’t wanna hurt her.

“Have fun. Be safe. Enjoy yourself. Meet new people. Get some—”

“Okay, bye!” Yeosang cuts him off and drags his luggage and backpack to the entrance of the train station, waving his last goodbye to Wooyoung.

It’s 30 minutes before the train arrives, and Yeosang was able to grab some coffee and some snacks at the small store near the platform before hopping on, storing his luggage safely and settling into his seat. It’ll be a 4 hour train ride, and he made sure to bring the book he’s been needing to finish, while also downloading new episodes of a few podcasts he follows. It’ll be enough in between his tiny naps. He doesn’t mind the trek, truthfully. He might later when he hops off and finally stretches it out, but overall, the train ride is soothing.

When he finally steps foot off of the train, he does feel a little awkward and out of place since he hadn’t really treated himself to travels in awhile. But, he is excited to finally be away from work. Excited to be alone. He gives Wooyoung a quick call to tell him he’s made it and that he’s on his way to the in-law he’s renting. He makes it a point to tell him that it already feels different than being in the city, and he feels like he can breathe. Maybe then, Wooyoung wouldn’t keep pressing him about being gone for so long in a little town. Wooyoung surprisingly lets him be and is relieved to hear he’s made it safely, making Yeo promise to send him pictures knowing full well Yeo hates pictures of any sort. He agrees though, just to get him off his case and end the call on a light note.

He arrives at the in-law and the owners who live in the house above greet him with a warm smile. They give him the code to punch in at the door before sharing their number in case of any emergencies. Yeosang likes that it’s on the opposite end of the beach because of the quiet residential area. Plus, he still gets a good view being that the beach is basically at their doorstep. It’s soothing, really, really soothing. He takes his time washing up and unpacking, making himself feel at home away from home. By the time he’s settled and given himself time to rest, it’s about to be dinner. He checks for food around the area and finds a restaurant with raving reviews— people mainly boasting about the attractive staff working there, along with the delicious food and fun atmosphere. Despite that, it’s about a 15 minute walk down the road, and Yeosang can actually see it from where he’s at. It sounds worse than it actually is, though. There are no inclines or hills he has to conquer for dinner. For his first night, that seems to be a good option.

“Ayo! What can I get started for you?” Yeosang walks in and is immediately greeted by a tall, young man. He’s probably an inch or so taller than him. Sharp features. Short black hair. Piercing eyes.

“Uh, a beer sounds good. Any. Plus, popcorn chicken?.” Yeosang plops onto a high chair while a menu is slipped his way.

“That’s all?”

“Yeah, not too hungry.”

“Sounds good. It’ll be over shortly.” He gives Yeosang a tiny, toothless smile before he’s calling for someone about his food and meeting another tall male at the corner of the shop behind the registers. The other is standing at about 6’0, Yeosang thinks. He’s got a good build, deep voice that echoes throughout the shop—

“Hi!” You greet him warmly with a smile, putting a napkin down followed by a cold glass and his beer. “Hm, I feel like I haven’t seen you around here. Are you visiting?”

“Uh, yeah.” Yeosang gives you a very tiny, almost subtle toothless smile. He’s just a little surprised from you after being pulled out of his thoughts. His people-watching.

“I’m Y/N.” His eyes dart to your nametag before meeting your eyes again. 

“Yeosang.” You look at Yeosang’s features, taking note of the beautiful birthmark near his eye, his sharp jawline, his brown hair softly framing his face. He must’ve caught on because his eyes are awkwardly drifting from you, around the room— back to you. 

“Nice to meet you, Yeosang.” You giggle. “Let me know if you need anything then, happy to show you around the town, too!” You respond cheerfully and Yeosang is almost puzzled at the energy you’re giving towards a stranger like himself. A reserved, awkward stranger at that.

“Sounds good. Thanks.” 

“I’ll be back with your food.” He nods. This time, it’s Yeosang’s turn to watch as you sway your hips and walk away from the table— greeting everyone along the way with that same smile, that same energy. Everything about you seems contagious, your laugh loud enough to bounce off the walls even with the music blasting through the speakers. But, it’s cute. It’s warm and oddly comforting to hear your laugh. It just reminds him that it’s the little things; that he’s here getting his time away from home to be in his own peace. Away from the familiar, from the hustle and bustle of the city life.

“Who is that guy? I feel like I’ve never seen him before.” Jungkook pushes the basket of popcorn chicken your way. 

“Mm. A visitor.” You shrug.

“We don’t get a lot of those nowadays.” He laughs. “Looks like you were tryna get friendly on the dude?”

“Hush, I just want him to feel welcomed.” Jungkook smirks.

“Okay. You do that.” He leans over the counter. “Aye! Make sure that chicken actually makes it to him, too. You little thief.” You look over your shoulder and flip him off with a laugh.

“Bro, can one of you change the music?” You shout over to Keeho and Mingi standing off to the side, not working per usual.

“What’s wrong with the song?” Mingi furrows his brows at the Spotify playlist.

“It’s too slow. Give me Bad Bunny or something?”

“Girl, we are not at a club. There are elderly people here. Calm down.” Keeho looks through the playlist. “Let’s just put on Jungkook’s covers.” Him and Mingi laugh.

“Hey!” Jungkook yells from the kitchen. “I knew I should’ve never sent you guys my covers. Assholes.” He points the spatula their way. Eventually, they decide to stick with some 90s music, throwing on Bring It All To Me by Blaque and Nsync to kick off the playlist. You give the boys a thumbs up as you bob your head and dance to the beat, making your way over to Yeosang with his basket of popcorn chicken.

“Here you go.” You smile at him and he gives you a tiny one in response.

“Thank you.” He pokes at one with the toothpick, popping it into his mouth.

“How long are you here for?” You move around the table to be directly in his view.

“A month.” Your eyes widen.

“A month?! In this ‘lil town?”

“Well..” Yeosang looks at you, brows furrowed. “I’m from the city so it’s different. It’s just..” He pauses, not sure why he’s explaining himself to a complete stranger. You get it, though. You’ve been there. “It’s new scenery.”

“Are you visiting someone, or do you have specific plans?” Yeosang looks at you before shrugging.

“Not really. Am I supposed to?”

“Just wondering what’d you do out here for a whole month.” You give him a small smile.

“I plan to do nothing but enjoy myself. Didn’t really think that would be an issue.” He looks at you and you chuckle.

“No, of course not. That sounds like a good time. I hope you do enjoy yourself.” You pull out a pen from the apron’s pocket and scribble out your number on a napkin. “If you ever need some recommendations, text me. I’ll be happy to help.” You pass it along to him and he simply looks down at it. He doesn’t wanna be rude, but he is also grateful you offered. Though, the whole point of him coming out here was to be alone and be in his own peace. The last thing he wants to do is get wrapped up in something, someone, else when he doesn’t plan on staying or making this a frequent vacation destination.

“Cool, thanks.”

“Where are you staying?” 

“An in-law studio down the street, opposite end of the beach.”

“Oh, cute.” You smile at him cutely again. “Well, enjoy your little vacation, Yeosang. It was nice meeting you. Is there anything else I can get you?”

“I’m all good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I should head out. I’m pretty exhausted from the trek over.”

“Okay then. You can call me when you’re ready to pay or pay upfront with Keeho.” You give him a little, innocent wink and Yeosang can’t help but think your attitude is cute. Enticing, even. But, he brushes it off quickly because he really doesn’t think he can afford to cling onto someone, rely on someone.

He is here for his own peace.

When Yeosang wraps up his dinner, he tidies up as much as possible at the table and grabs the napkin with your number before heading to the register to pay. Keeho quickly rings him up and sends him on his way, telling him to visit again soon. All Yeo can do in return is nod, taking a mint candy on the way out.

“Where’d you go for dinner?” 

“Some restaurant down the street. Had good reviews.” Yeosang plops onto his bed after washing up and getting into his pajamas.

“Did you like it? How are the people there so far?”

“Good, I guess? The restaurant was cool. I just had something small to eat cause I wasn’t too hungry. The people working there were probably around our age. Lots of the reviews talked about the attractive staff.” Wooyoung snorts.

“Did they live up to your expectations?”

“Honestly, I can see why people are talking about it so much. The girl who served me was—”

“—Was a baddie?!”

“Dude, relax.” Yeosang laughs a bit. “She was pretty. Really outgoing.”

“Maybe she thinks you’re hot and wants to fuck.”

“We’re not all like you.” Yeosang repeats.

“Hey, it might be fun, though. You could use some friends while you’re there. Jeez. Ask her to hang out or something. Don’t be lame just cause you’re in a brand new town, that isn’t the point of getaway.” Yeosang doesn’t respond right away. All he can do is hum, letting Wooyoung continue to tell him that having new company will bring new memories, new stories, and he should really make the best out of his time there. For once, Wooyoung’s not entirely wrong. 

The next couple of days, Yeosang sees you around town. Whether you’re helping carry tubs of fresh fish into the market, talking to the elderly at the community center or chopping it up with the barista at the nearby coffee shop. You are everywhere and nowhere all at once, and Yeosang feels like it’ll be hard to dodge you while being here. Not because he’s a careless, cold asshole but because he just finds his independence important. His top priority. His daily reminder of why he’s out here. But needless to say, even if he can’t dodge you, he finds that he isn’t entirely mad about it. When Yeosang sees you next, you’re hauling in heavy ass packs of water into another restaurant. He pauses for a second, watching how you easily lift up the pack and bring it inside, oblivious to his standing figure ahead. He finally pulls himself out of it and rushes over, blocking you from carrying the last pack.

“You shouldn’t be carrying that.” Yeosang says, grabbing the heavy pack of water into the restaurant and setting it down on the counter. “Be careful next time?”

“Thank you.” You smile sweetly at him. “Didn’t mean to put you to work on your vacay.” He chuckles.

“Nah, it’s nothing. I’m not gonna let you just haul that in.” You place your hand on your hip and giggle.

“What have you been up to, Yeosang? How’s town treating you?”

“Uh, good? I’ve just been walking around nearby. Hanging out at the beach.”

“Fun. You should talk to Mingi and Keeho at the restaurant, they love paddle boarding if you’re like.. interested in trying something new.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He tucks his hands into his pockets. “Do you work here, too?” You shake your head.

“Just like being a good neighbor and helping out whenever I can.” He nods.

“That’s sweet of you.”

“Gonna stop by the restaurant again tonight? There’s gonna be a bonfire and movie night event. We’ll be serving beer and all that good stuff.”

“Tonight?”

“The flyers are everywhere, silly.” You point at a flyer posted on the pole behind him. “Come, it’ll be fun.”

“Mm, I’ll think about it.” You cock your head to the side and slightly pout. “Sorry, it’s just not my thing. I..” Yeosang lets out a breath as he scratches at the back of his neck. “I probably sound really lame. But, lots of people. Noise. Gets kinda overwhelming.” He shrugs.

“I understand.” You give him a tiny toothless smile. “That’s okay! I promise it won’t be too crazy, and it’s pretty chill. But, totally up to you.”

“Thanks for extending the invite.” You nod. “Any more water to carry in?” You laugh.

“Nope! Thank you again. See you around?” Yeosang nods, watching as you step into the restaurant and start helping the middle-aged lady inside despite her playful efforts of shoo’ing you away. Yeosang shifts his gaze to his two feet, kicking at the rocks beneath them before walking down the path to the grocery store. He’s kinda cursing himself for sounding so fucking lame in front of you. Lots of people? Noise? What was he thinking? It wasn’t necessarily a lie, though— he actually doesn’t like to be in crowded places for long, doesn’t really like to party or do bonfires, socialize for long periods of time with people he doesn’t know well. Is the type of person to join a team dinner for the free food but will be gone in the next hour or so. Will join a work party because he feels obligated to show face for at least an hour before rushing home to get in bed. But, he’s cursing himself because he is on vacation, exploring new territory and breathing in new scenery. He should have some fun. He should’ve tried a little harder to sound a bit more interested.

“Jesus, Kang Yeosang.” He mutters to himself before shaking his head and heading off to the grocery store to grab some necessities for the studio.

That evening comes quickly, and Yeosang is pacing back and forth in his studio, wondering if he should just say fuck it and join the festivities. He’d say he decided pretty quickly despite the internal battle of what to wear— the stress and overthinking almost causing him to back out.

Sooner or later, he finds himself staring out at the restaurant and beach ahead of him; feet coming to a pause when he tries to scan the crowd from where he stands, suddenly trying to find a familiar figure— you. He slowly walks over, closing in on the crowd that has gathered around the huge bonfire on the beach while the screen is getting blown up on the side to prepare for the movie. He’s pretty late, maybe a good hour and a half since everything started. No one seems to pay him any mind, and it’s almost enough to make Yeosang turn right back around and slip back into his—

“Yeosang!” He hears a familiar voice call his name from behind, allowing his body to relax a bit. “You came!” You smile from ear to ear, placing a basket full of fried squid down for the people lounging nearby.

“Couldn’t hurt to check it out.” You chuckle.

“You’ll enjoy it. Promise. Want me to grab you some beer? Any food?”

“Beer is good. Thank you.” He gives you a tiny, toothless smile. You give him a nod in acknowledgement before you scurry off into the restaurant and grab a beer bottle.

“Hey, he came?” Jungkook comes out from the kitchen, taking a break from all the cooking he’s been doing.

“Yeah.”

“Must like you.”

“Can you give it a break?” You laugh a bit. “He’s exploring a new town for a month.”

“Cute.” He wiggles his eyebrows, following you out onto the front patio that flows onto the beach.

“Here.” You hand Yeosang the bottle. “This is Jungkook, by the way. Our main chef. Jungkook, Yeosang.”

“Nice to meet you. Hope she hasn’t been running you up the wall already.” You nudge him and he lets out a small yelp, hand over his stomach before his free hand reaches for a hand shake. “Kidding—fuck.”

“Nice to meet you, too.” Yeosang chuckles.

“Oh, hey. You were at the restaurant a couple of days ago. I rang you up.” Keeho and Mingi come from the side of the restaurant, hauling out a cooler full of more beer and canned cocktails. “Keeho. Mingi.” He points to himself before pointing at Mingi.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Movie’s about to start in the next 15 minutes.” Jungkook pops open one of the cans and drags a chair out to the sand, greeting people along the way before he finds a good spot.

“Gonna stay for the movie?” Mingi asks Yeosang. He can’t help but shift his attention to you for a brief second, hoping you’d have the answer for whatever reason. You look up at him with those cute, doe-eyes, subtly nodding with a small smile creeping up at the corner of your lips.

“Yeah, for a bit.” He returns his attention to Mingi.

“Cool. There’s some bean bags there you can grab to sit on!” Him and Keeho start heading out to sit next to Jungkook and a few other people from town.

“Come.” You call him over towards the bean bags set off to the side. “We can sit over here, give us some distance from people.” You drag a bean bag near the side, still good to see the screen but distant enough so you weren’t mixed within the crowd.

“I— You don’t have to sit here and be away from your friends.” You laugh and plop down onto the bean bag.

“Trust me, it’s nice to be away from them. I see them every day.” Yeosang slowly nods, setting his bean bag next to yours. 

“What movie’s playing?”

“Dune.”

“Interesting.” Yeosang looks around as he settles into the bag comfortably, legs slightly spread while he leans back. “Are people gonna be out here for the entire movie?”

“Mhm. You really don’t have to stay for the entire thing, though.” You point at the restaurant. “Do you wanna share some snacks? Candy? Popcorn?”

“Sure? Anything you grab is good with me.” You give him a tiny smile before heading to the restaurant and scooping a big helping of the candy salad you, Keeho and Mingi made earlier for people to help themselves to. It had some sour worms, gummy bears, other gummies and fruity candy. 

When you get back, the movie is already starting and the chatter from people has died down around you. The night is perfect— the stars are painting the skies, the temperature perfectly warm and still. Yeosang is already paying full attention to the movie, finding interest in it that he didn’t think he’d have initially. You gently nudge him with the bowl, allowing him to snack on a few gummies. At some point, Yeosang accidentally dips his hand into the bowl at the same time as you; grazing your hand slightly and flinching at the contact. He lets out a low ‘sorry,’ shifting in his seat at the awkward encounter. When it finally hits the 2-hr mark, you’re actually getting kinda tired of sitting there and don’t think you can wait until the rest of the 30 mins or so are up. It had been a long day, and as much as you wanna hang out and kick it ‘till the end, you find your body getting hit with exhaustion earlier than expected. You stand to your feet and head back into the restaurant, cleaning up what you can to give the boys less work later on. 

“Need help?” You turn to find Yeosang standing there, hands dug into his pockets as you wash a few dishes and set them on the drying rack.

“No. The boys can handle the rest.” You dry off your hands. “Thank you, though.”

“Are you heading back to the movie?”

“Probably not. I think I’m gonna call it a night, exhaustion hit me out of nowhere.”

“Can I walk you?”

“I’ll be fine. You should catch the rest of it, you looked like you were into it!” You giggle.

“I can always catch it another time.” You stare into his eyes for a brief second before clearing your throat and nodding, tossing the paper towel away before grabbing your things. 

“What, you’re leaving?! That’s new.” Keeho says, coming into the restaurant to place a few more dirty dishes off to the side.

“Exhausted, my dude.” He looks at you up and down before looking at Yeosang, patiently waiting off to the side of the restaurant for you.

“Mhm. Sure.” He says lowly. “Let me know how it goes.”

“Just walking me home.”

“Uh huh, that’s how it all starts.” You snort and punch him on the bicep.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Aye, you’re opening, remember!” Keeho calls out as you meet Yeosang. You wave in acknowledgement before heading out, throwing on your bag strap and letting it hang over your shoulder. The walk is pretty quiet at first, but it isn’t uncomfortable for you. Maybe for Yeosang, but not you. He’s the first to break the silence though, surprising you again with his curiousity.

“Do you work at the restaurant every day?”

“For the most part. Otherwise I’m either around town or helping at the animal shelter.”

“The animal shelter?” You nod.

“One of my favorite things to do.”

“That’s cool.”

“Have you found anything interesting while you’ve been here? Anything you’re planning to do?”

“Mm, not really. To be honest, I just wanted to get away from the city. There wasn’t a huge goal to explore the town or find new hobbies.” He looks at you before looking down at his feet.

“Well, I’m sure either way you’ll find things to enjoy.” You point down the street. “I just live right over there, by the way. You don’t really have to walk me all the way.”

“It’s alright.”

“Did you at least enjoy hanging out a bit?”

“Yeah. T’was nice to see people get together.”

“It’s a small town. We don’t have much to do in the first place.” You laugh. “Everyone’s really chill, though. Soon, you’ll be able to pick out familiar faces, overhear the same names being thrown around, get used to who is working where, what the restaurant specialties are.” 

“I think I’m slowly getting there.” Yeosang looks at you. 

“Besides me, silly.” You continue to keep eye contact with him. “Hey. Do you have any siblings?”

“No.”

“Are your parents from the city?”

“Yeah.” 

“Are you close to them?”

“As can be, I guess?”

“Hm.” You hum. “So, you see them often?”

“I do.” You look down at your feet, and it’s easy for Yeosang to tell that something is on your mind. He won’t pry though, he doesn’t necessarily think he has the right to. Nor is it his place to.

“They were okay with you up and leaving for a month?” He shrugs.

“I mean, I am coming back.” He chuckles a bit. “They understood.”

“That’s nice.” Is all you respond with.

“Soo..” Yeosang kicks at the rocks. “You’re working the early shift tomorrow then..?”

“To the shelter.”

“I see.”

“What do you plan to do?”

“I don’t know. Hang out at the beach some more?”

“When are you gonna stop by the restaurant again?” You giggle, treading up the hill before turning the corner to your building. The building isn’t entirely fancy, nor is it completely run down. It’s cozy enough to house 18 units— your studio one of two on the very first level. Yeosang pauses in his steps when he sees you fishing for your keys in your bag, doing his best to give you space and not wanting to intrude.

“One of these days.”

“You plan to be back?” Yeosang chuckles a bit and nods.

“At some point during my month’s stay I’m gonna have to.”

“Thanks for walking me home. Hope you enjoyed tonight, even though we didn’t finish the movie and stuff.” He gives you a toothless smile.

“Yeah.”

“Goodnight.” You look at him once more before unlocking the lobby door, stepping in to make your way to your safe space.

In the next few days, you run into Yeosang a lot. Even if it’s inevitable with how small the town is, there are people in town that you don’t see for weeks on end. For reasons why, you aren’t sure. Wrong timing, other plans, your own schedule being pretty busy between the restaurant and the shelter. But you’ve been seeing Yeosang every day since he walked you home; whether it be across the street, a glimpse at the convenience store, checking out at the grocery store, at the beach. You’re not gonna lie, Yeosang is attractive, but there’s more to him and you’re curious to find out. You want to know more about him, why he’s here for a month, why he decided he needed a break from the city. Something about him is intriguing to you.

Tonight, you’re wrapping up at the shelter; folding the remaining washed blankets and towels from the dryer before taking out the trash. To your surprise, Yeosang is walking down the street from the nearby gym and sauna, spotting you first before you even have the chance to.

“Y/N?” He stops in his tracks, duffle bag slung over his shoulder. You turn just as you toss the hefty trash bag into the dumpster, safely removing your gloves from each hand before tossing them into the bin as well.

“Oh hey you!” You wave and smile at him, and for some reason, it’s starting to make Yeosang weak. You always show off the beautiful smile and that same energy, it’s no wonder you pull everyone in.

“Is this the shelter?” Yeosang asks, eyeing the building. It’s rather small, and there’s not much of a giveaway that it’s a shelter. Still, Yeosang feels kinda silly for asking.

“Mhm. Come!” You wave him in as you stand at the back door.

“Uh. I’m kinda gross and sweaty from the gym.”

“I really don’t care.” You laugh. “Come. I can show you the babies.” Yeosang doesn’t say anything in response, and instead, walks in while tugging his duffle bag close. “You can leave your bag here. It’s just me and I’ll be closing up soon.” You show him to the laundry room. Yeosang sits his bag on the counter before following you out of the back area and into the shelter itself— dogs in individual rooms, while cats, bunnies and a few other small animals [snakes, birds] are off to two other rooms at the other end. “The wildlife center and vet are in the building next door. I don’t go there much unless they need extra hands, but that’s rare.”

“Woah.” He mutters to himself when he sees the huge, black doberman peacefully sleeping in his room. He slowly walks past and smiles at the tiny maltese next door, looking up at him from the cot; big, brown doe eyes that could easily melt someone’s heart. “How cute.”

“Isn’t she? This is Piper.” You point at the maltese. “That’s Ro.” You point at the doberman. “Piper was found wandering the streets, no one came looking for her.” You pout a bit. “She’s five. Ro was surrendered by his family. His owner had a stroke and is in the hospital, and no one else in the family can take care of him. He’s 8.” 

“That’s sad.” Yeosang responds softly as he stands next to you, your own shoulder only inches away from his chest. “How long have they been here?”

“Piper’s been here for about a month, while Ro has been here for 4.” You show him to the other rooms down the aisle. “Sahara, Thor, Rocky, Storm, Bruce.” You continue to tell him their name, their ages, how long they’ve been here and for what reason. The remaining dogs are a mix of chihuahas, huskies and labrador mixes. Yeosang watches as you gently coo at the dogs when they come to their door, keeping your hand on the glass to provide some sort of comfort from the other end. He smiles a bit to himself when you baby the dogs. It’s incredibly cute and sweet, and it’s obvious just how much you love being here and how much this work means to you.

You continue to take him through the rest of the adoptable animals, earning small chuckles when you tell him some cute, funny stories about your time at the shelter. It’s then that you reveal you’ve always wanted to work with animals and that it’s still eventually your goal to climb up somehow. Maybe work at a more established vet or pet hospital. Aquarium, even. Anything that’ll keep you close to them will do. Yeosang doesn’t really question why you just don’t go for it yet— he’s more of a listener than a talker, and he understands that most people won’t divulge unless they’re ready to or feel comfortable enough to. So, as always, he lets it be. Listens to your soothing voice as you continue around the shelter before you’re doing one last walkthrough and making sure all water bowls are full. You head to the back once you’re done, reuniting Yeosang with his belongings.

“Thanks for showing me around.”

“Course.”

“Can I walk you home again?” You shut off the lights to the laundry room and head out the back door, slipping the key in to lock it up for the night.

“You sure? I still have to grab some dinner.” 

“I don’t mind. I want to.” He says, and it makes you smile. “Besides, the air feels really nice right now. I’m still a bit worked up from the gym session.” You laugh.

“It’s quite chilly tonight.” You shiver at the breeze that comes through. Yeosang digs through his duffle bag and pulls out the zip-up hoodie he wore over, handing it over to you.

“Here.”

“Oh, no. Yeosang, I’m fine, I don’t—” Before you know it, he’s unzipping the jacket and draping it over your shoulders. He avoids eye contact though, it’s easy to tell he doesn’t really do these things or that it’s out of his element. “Thank you.” You say softly, hoping to reassure his actions.

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m just gonna grab stuff from the convenience store.” You lead the way and skip along to the convenience store just down the street. “I won’t be long.”

“Take your time.” He follows you into the store anyway, watching as you happily grab some ramen and onigiri off the shelves. A hotdog. String cheese. Chocolate ice cream. 

“Need anything?”

“I’m good. I stocked up on some groceries so I should definitely put them to use and cook some meals.” 

“Share an ice cream with me at least?” You grab another chocolate ice cream from the freezer. 

“Sure.” You laugh as you bring your items to the cashier, helping bag the items before you’re finally out the door and indulging in your ice cream with Yeosang. You look at him again, eyeing the loose muscle tank he has on with his sweats. Ogling a tiny bit at his body through the tank.

“Good on you for keeping up with the gym while you’re away from home.” He chuckles.

“A stress reliever.”

“I bet. Jungkook goes to that gym often, pretty late though since he’s always at the restaurant.”

“Does he own the restaurant?”

“His family does. They pop in from time to time, but Jungkook has taken over for the most part.”

“I see. I’m guessing you’ve known them for awhile?” You smirk.

“Enough for me to be liked and hired.” 

“How long have you known Keeho and Mingi?”

“Mm, I’ve known all of them for a bit over 2 years. Mingi and Keeho were at the restaurant before me, but I just got close to them as I started there.”

“Where were you before that, if you don’t mind me asking?” You smile.

“Yeosang is interested in getting to know me?” He laughs a bit and shakes his head.

“I’m just curious, but you don’t have to share if you don’t wanna.”

“I was in school. Around. Getting my life together— well, still am I guess.”

“Hm.” He hums. “We’re not that far apart. I graduated 3 years ago.”

“What’d you graduate in, and where do you work?”

“Business. I work as a finance manager for a pharmaceutical company.”

“Woah, big shot.” He laughs shyly.

“No, not even.”

“Do you like it?” He shrugs.

“Yeah, I can’t complain. I’ve met my good friends there.”

“That’s always nice, isn’t it?” You look up with a toothless smile before eating more of your chocolate ice cream. “That’s always the best. I’m sure they miss you.”

“Ah, they’re doing alright. They can survive.” You nod.

“Hey, have you gone hiking yet at the falls?” He raises a brow.

“You guys have that here?” You snort.

“You’re funny. You’d have to go back to the outskirts to find the trail.” You start walking backwards to keep your eyes on him. “We should go one day, yeah? Maybe I can show you to other spots further in town.”

“Sure, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t. I haven’t gone hiking in awhile and it’s perfect right now. The water is probably rushing through the cascades, making it all pretty and everything.”

“When are you free?”

“This weekend. I finally have it off after some months.”

“You’d be okay spending your free weekend showing me around?”

“I wouldn’t have offered at the restaurant if I didn’t want to.” You giggle and Yeosang feels his heart do some flips. Familiar with the unfamiliar— he hadn’t felt this in a long, long time. Though, he didn’t expect to feel it with a stranger he had bumped into on his little vacation away from home. Wasn’t even his goal and he didn’t mean to do so, but here he is. Going about every day growing more curious about you.

“Well, just remember this if you ever use it against me.” You laugh loudly and turn to start skipping ahead towards your building.

“I will.” You toss your empty ice cream container into the trash, with Yeosang following suit. “Thanks for walking me home again.” You unzip his jacket and hand it over to him. “I’m only a few steps away from warmth.” He gently takes his jacket back.

“No biggie. These walks help me get my steps in, but thanks for the ice cream? It’s like a reward.”

“Of course.” You give him another sweet smile, eyes locked onto his but it doesn’t make him the least bit uncomfortable. “At least stop by the restaurant tomorrow. Breakfast is good.” He gives you a small, reassuring smile; tugging on his bag strap before shifting his weight from one foot to another.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Goodnight, Yeosang.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He waits until you’ve slipped through the lobby door, turning on his heel with a small smile on his face, finding comfort in your presence that it feels a little difficult to walk away. He does walk away though because he finds himself uninteresting. Even if he stayed to hang out, how could he entertain you and keep you interested?

“Yeosang’s out there.” Jungkook nods towards the street, watching Yeosang finish up a run.

“I told him to come by for breakfast.” He smirks at you before setting the napkins into the holder on the table.

“Oh, you did now?”

“Jeon Jungkook.” You give him a look and he snorts.

“So, remind me again— you were or weren’t trying to get friendly on the dude?”

“It doesn’t hurt to have a friend while he’s around! I offered to show him further into town and take him on the hike.”

“Cute.” He laughs. “Make sure he doesn’t hurt you though, or else I’ll come with my spatula and shit.”

“Or, make sure this girl doesn’t go toying around with his feelings.” Keeho adds, sliding into the main dining area from the back. “Right?” Keeho looks at you and you roll your eyes.

“Not even.”

“What about that one dude that stayed here for a few months? You had a ‘lil fling with him before he ended up leaving cause he hated seeing you around after you rejected him.” Keeho puckers his lips. “Months of tussling in the bed ain’t give him nothing but heartbreak. Sheesh.”

“Okay, I didn’t plan for that to happen! And he was weirdly possessive even while we were messing around. I already told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time.”

“She did tell him.” Jungkook shrugs. “And I do have to say, he was a little weird. Too clingy and needy. At the restaurant every hour. Couldn’t give Y/N space to breathe for someone who’s a fuckbuddy.”

“What about Keeho’s friend that visited? I forgot his name.” Mingi chimes in, helping himself to a bowl of breakfast.

“Don’t remind me, dude. He still cries about it.”

“So dramatic.” You cross your arms. “My bad for not wanting something serious during those times. You can’t say I didn’t tell them because I did.”

“Mm, but you were pretty harsh about it in the end, too. You blocked him on everything and acted like he didn’t exist. That’s why he still fucking cries about it.” You shake your head.

“What’re you planning with him?” Mingi cuts in as he watches Yeosang’s figure, still on his way towards the restaurant. “He genuinely looks like a good guy.”

“Why do I need to have a plan, Mingi?” You shoot him a look. “He’s cool. Just trying to be a good friend to him while he’s around.”

“Mhm. Won’t be surprised when you start batting those little eyelashes and twirling your hair in front of him. Go ahead then, bae.” Keeho smacks his lips together before walking off to tend to the customers that just walked in. When Yeosang finally arrives, he’s in a windbreaker and pants, his hair still beautifully parted and intact despite the small breeze outside. He looks incredibly ethereal for someone who had just gone on a run, and it almost makes you buckle at the knees the more you stare.

“Hey.” You break your thoughts and smile at him. “You made it!”

“Someone told me I could grab a good breakfast here.” You laugh and show him to a table, letting him get comfortable.

“Whoever it was, was right. How was your run?”

“A good long 3 miles.”

“You’re insane.” You snort. “Gym last night, 3 miles in the morning? You basically ran around town.” He laughs and shakes his head.

“I just needed to get my cardio in. Definitely didn’t enjoy it.”

“Well, do you have anything specific in mind for breakfast or can I surprise you?”

“A surprise sounds nice.”

“Got you.” You gently tap the table before heading to the back, putting in an order for today’s breakfast special. You fill up a glass full of freshly squeezed orange juice and take it to the table before dropping off food to the other customers. 

“Got a plate for your man.” Jungkook slides the breakfast special to you, making you chuckle.

“You’re a piece of shit. Thank you.” You raise the plate before sticking out your tongue and walking off to Yeosang again. “Enjoy.” You look at him with a small smile, watching his eyes light up at the food on the plate. He immediately digs in and nods happily, making you giggle at how cute he looks right now.

“Please tell Jungkook he’s an amazing cook.”

“Never. He’ll never let it go.” You laugh. “But sure, I’ll make sure to relay the message for you. Any other plans today?” He shakes his head.

“Not that I know of yet.” You nod, looking back at new customers that need assistance.

“Well. Let me know if you need help figuring it out.” You slide him a few napkins. “Sorry, I’ll be back to check on you later.” You rush over to the customers and greet them happily, they can’t help but smile and laugh along with you. Yeosang doesn’t mean to let his eyes linger for long, but he finds your energy captivating and he’s got a pull to you.

It doesn’t help that the restaurant gets quite busy during peak breakfast hours and you’re barely checking in on him. He feels a bit lonely, though he knows you’re at work and he shouldn’t expect to converse with you much.

“I’m so sorry, it just got really busy out of nowhere.” You pout a bit when you finally stop by to grab his empty plate. “Can I get you anything else?” He shakes his head.

“Don’t worry, Y/N.” He chuckles. “I’m all good.” You rush over to drop his empty dishes in the dirty pile, grabbing his check to hand over.

“I’ll see you around?” You give him a smile before you run off again, leaving him to take the check to Mingi at the front.

“Enjoy your breakfast?” Yeo nods.

“Yeah, it was great.”

“Any other plans for the day?”

“Nah, not yet. Probably hang out at the beach tonight, figure out the rest later.”

“That’s always a good one. Get Y/N to go with you. She’s usually out there at night from time to time.”

“Oh, really? Doing what?”

“Just to chill. She also tries to collect shells, but I swear, they’re all the same out there. I don’t know what else she wants.” Mingi shakes his head. “Anyway, see you next time, my guy.”

“Sounds good.” Yeosang slips a tip into the tip jar before heading back out to his humble abode. When he gets back, he takes a good shower and plops onto the bed in a new change of clothes. He pulls up the game on his phone to play for a bit before researching a few more things to do in the coming weeks. But, he isn’t sure what’s worth visiting and what’s worth passing on. Then, he falls asleep for a good hour or so [maybe nearing 2] before he gets up and decides to stop being boring. He’ll explore around the other end of town, see what places are around and what scenic views he can take pictures of. Then.. what?

He remembers he still has your number in his jacket, and he’s considering taking up the offer of letting you show him around [or at the very least, guide him to places he should visit]. When he gets back from his trek around the opposite end of town with a few goodies in hand, he realizes it’ll be dinner soon and that he should really decide on what to do tonight. He whips the number out of his jacket pocket and stares at it for a good while, wondering if he should just say fuck it and text you.

Yeah, well. Fuck it. What does he have to lose at this point?

[unknown number]: hey, it’s yeosang 

[you]: hey you ☺️ you’re actually putting my number to use?! lol

[yeosang]: lol yeah sorry, i just don’t really wanna be a bother to anyone

[you]: you aren’t! how can i help? 

[yeosang]: if you’re free.. i was wondering if you’d like to hang out at the beach?

[yeosang]: also don’t feel obligated, i just thought it’d be nice cause the weather .. and i haven’t really had the chance to hang out there 

[yeosang]: plus.. i don’t know any other places just yet..

[yeosang]:i’m rambling lol i'm sorry

[you]: nooooo you’re not! i’d love to join! i can meet you near the paddleboard rentals? i’ll bring some food!

[yeosang]: you don’t have to bring food!

[you]: i want to! i’ll be there in 30 mins.

[yeosang]: sounds good!

Yeosang smiles to himself as he goes through the fridge and kitchen to see if there’s anything he can bring. He does have an unopened soju bottle that he decides on bringing, in case you wanted to have a drink with him while eating good food. Plus, water. Can’t go wrong with water. And he’s glad he did because when he finally sees you near the paddleboard rentals, you’re hauling food on food on food.

“Why’d you bring so much food?” Yeo laughs as he watches you roll out the blanket for you two to sit on. You take the initiative to sit down and pat the space next to you. Yeosang gently places the food down in front of you before sticking the soju bottle into the sand to keep it standing upright.

“I just wanted to make sure we had enough!” You pop open the tupperwares of ramen and side dishes, handing Yeosang a small plate for him to use. “You brought soju! I love this one!”

“Does that give me brownie points?” You laugh.

“Yeah, it does. Mind if I open it?”

“Go for it.” You pop open the soju and pour some for both you and Yeosang in the paper cups you have. “Cheers!” You tap your cup against his before you both take the shots to the next, instantly feeling the warmth run down your throat and into your tummy. “What else did you do today?”

“Nothing besides walk down the opposite end of town.”

“Like actually?”

“I don’t really know where to go, so I was gonna wait for you to show me and tell me.” You playfully gasp.

“Finally using little ol me for more help?!”

“Unless you take it back, then fine whatever.. I’ll get around.” He pretends to act upset.

“Never.” You giggle and pour another shot. “Of course. First, we gotta tackle that hike. I’ll send you some places too over text so you can check them out when you have time.”

“You won’t come along?” You smile at him and hand his cup.

“I wish I could, but you know, work. The shelter. Helping around town.”

“Right..” Yeosang nods, silently tapping his cup against yours before taking the shot. The sun finally rests below the horizon and you and Yeosang are still talking about town and the little things here and there. You find that it’s really easy to talk to him, even if he doesn’t chime in much. He listens, and he can admit your voice is always nice to hear. The both of you indulge in the food in between sipping on the soju and discussing random things you both like and dislike.

At some point, there’s a pause in the conversation, and you’re just looking out at the sea, the night sky.

Yeosang is taking pictures of his surroundings and he turns his camera your way. He decides to ask for permission first before snapping a photo you don’t even wanna be in.

“I’m just taking pictures. Are you okay with that?” You laugh at how cutely awkward the question comes out of his mouth.

“No worries, I don’t mind. Should I pose or act natural? Candid?”

“Just do whatever feels natural.” He says, snapping a photo of you looking out at the view. “I promised my bestfriend I’d take photos even though I usually don’t.”

“Your bestfriend, hm?”

“Yeah. His name is Wooyoung, and he’s a level 10 pain in the ass. He’s definitely gonna ask to see them. If not, maybe my parents.”

“Cute. I agree with Wooyoung. Do it for the memories.” 

“Taking his side already and you haven’t even met him.”

“I just agree, okay.” You laugh before leaving a pause in the conversation again. “It’s nice that you seem close with your parents.” You blurt all of a sudden, making Yeosang turn to you as you continue to look out at the water.

“I mean, we’re okay. We aren’t perfect.” He adds. “Why do you say that? Are you not close to yours?” He realizes he’s never really heard you talk about your family like that, nor has he even tried to ask. To be honest, he just doesn’t want to be in your business and make you uncomfortable. But, you seemed to open up first tonight, so he’ll continue to go with it.

“No.” You let out a tiny, pathetic chuckle before shaking your head. “They keep trying to force their own plans and dreams on me. Trying to make me something I’m not.”

“I’m sorry. When was the last time you talked to them?”

“They still try to text or call from time to time but I don’t respond.”

“I’m assuming they don’t know you’re here.” Yeosang catches on quick. He won’t judge though, he gets it. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to find some peace. Ain’t the easiest decisions, but worth it for that moment of clarity and calmness.

“No, they don’t. They keep trying to figure it out, but over time, they’ve kinda learned to just let me be. We had a really bad fight before I upped and left.”

“Does anyone know you’re here?”

“My cousin. He’s the closest thing I’ve had to a little brother.”

“That’s good, at least. He checks up on you?”

“He does.” You turn to Yeosang and give him a toothless smile.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what were your parents trying to force on you?”

“I come from a strong, scientific and medical family. If they’re not doctors or nurses, they’re working in research with advanced degrees.”

“Oof.” Yeosang audibly says and you giggle. “Your mom and dad?”

“My dad is a neurosurgeon and my mom is a nurse.”

“Okay, well. I see they’d have big fucking expectations.”

“You think?” You laugh.

“And you wanna work with animals, right?” 

“I do. I’ve always wanted take care of animals. Be around them. Maybe work in a vet. Aquarium? Sanctuary? Idk what or where exactly.”

“Makes sense.” He nods, realizing why you’re so passionate about the shelter and the work you do there. “I mean, that’s kinda close, no? Animals are technically considered science or.. related.” Yeosang shrugs.

“Mm, they don’t look at it that way, though. I either have to be a nurse or doctor. Or a professor, or researcher, with a PhD in hand. Or else I got a kiddy job.” You chuckle. “Oh well. Maybe one day they’ll accept that I’m just different from them.”

“They will. I know it’s not really my place to say this but I’m sure they’re realizing and they miss you.”

“Yeah.” Is all you say. “Can I ask you something a little more personal?”

“Uh, sure. I don’t do nudes, though.” You playfully punch him on the bicep.

“No, you idiot.” You laugh. “Are you dating someone? Or well, I guess you would’ve come here with them if you were, right? I dunno. Maybe you needed space from them, too.” You shake off the thoughts to let him answer. Cute, he thinks. 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Interesting.”

“Okay, now why do you say that?”

“I don’t know, you’re good looking as hell?” He laughs.

“Thanks.” You can see him shying away from the compliment, smiling down at the sand and biting his lip from letting it grow too big. “I haven’t dated since college. My ex and I broke up after graduation because we were just busy and living two different lives. No bad blood, though.” You nod.

“You haven’t had any flings or like, hookups? One night stands?”

“No. Well.” He pauses. “I take that back. I have, but they never lasted for long. I— uh, I have a hard time doing that cause I’m someone who likes to be emotionally invested, too. I don’t know how people do it without letting emotions get involved.”

“That’s valid. I won’t argue with that.” You sip on your water. “What about at work?”

“What do you mean at work?”

“You haven’t dated anyone from work?”

“God, no. Do you know how messy that sounds?” You snort.

“My bad. You’re right.”

“I think.. one of my good friends has feelings for me, though.” 

“So, why not go for it?” He looks at you for a second while he thinks about his response, then turns to the sky.

“Honestly, I just don’t see her that way. I tried to see where it’d go, don’t get me wrong. But, we’re good as friends. I don’t wanna ruin that and I especially don’t wanna hurt her.”

“You’re sweet.”

“Am I? I feel terrible because I feel like I’m already hurting her.”

“How so? It’s not like you two decided on anything, right?” He shakes his head.

“No. She doesn’t do anything to make me uncomfortable or force anything. But since it’s not something we’ve talked about, I almost feel like she thinks that window will always be open. Like she’ll have a chance eventually. I just can’t see her like that, though. Really.” He lets out a breath. “Sorry, I probably sound like a broken record?”

“Stop apologizing, Yeosang. You don’t. I like hearing you talk.” You smile. “If it makes you feel better, you’re not an asshole and you’re not hurting her. You won’t. Most guys won’t even take the time to think about things like this. The time will come when you two have to address it, and I know you’ll be honest about it. It’ll probably sting for her, but I’m sure she’ll be grateful and it’ll be more than what she can ask for. Instead of you leading her on and actually making her think she has a chance, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Cut yourself some slack.” You nudge him a bit.

“What about you?”

“Relationships?” He nods. “Uh, well. My ex and I broke up and it was pretty nasty. Other than that, I’ve had the unserious, young love high school relationship.”

“When did you guys break up?”

“Mm. Let’s just say it wasn’t too, too long ago.” You look down at your hands. “Yeah, it was not pretty.” He can tell you’re not willing to open up about this part of your life, and that’s okay. Maybe one day, before he leaves, you’ll confide in him about it. He can only hope you are okay. You wanna say that it was just right after graduation, though. You wanna tell Yeosang that not only did you feel like you were losing your parents, but your relationship, too. You wanna tell him he was a fucking cheater and treated you like shit, too. You ran here because of him and your family. You ran because it was the easiest thing to do to get away from the pain and hurt, the betrayal. But, you keep silent. Yeosang is becoming someone you enjoy. You like his company and you don’t wanna scare him off with your silly problems, and your trust and self-esteem issues. 

“Does it still bother you?” You shake your head.

“Not at all.” You lie. Because yes, it does. It still hurts, and you still don’t understand what you did wrong. The only thing that’s different now is that you’ve managed to put a cap on it and continue on with your life hoping one day, someone will see your worth.

“Good. Whatever happened, hope you know it wasn’t your fault and your ex was a piece of shit.” You laugh loudly and push him teasingly.

“How would you even know it was his fault, hm? What if it was me?!”

“I don’t know if it’s his fault but he still played a part in it, so I stand by what I said.” You giggle.

“You’re funny.”

“Glad you at least think so.” He smiles at you, and lets his eyes linger for a little longer than usual. The moonlight is hitting you perfectly at all angles and Yeosang can’t help but think about how fucking pretty you are. So much for going solo on this trip. He might just be tipsy, but he’s actually looking forward to spending more time with you. A fresh face to get to know and hang out with. Someone equally intriguing and personable. Yeosang knows you’ll be a problem for him and he doesn’t care to look at the consequences right at this moment.

“What?” You look at him and he snorts.

“Nothing.”

“What? Do I have something on my face?!” He laughs.

“No, no. It’s not that.”

“Then, what?! You’re making me shy.” He shakes his head.

“You’re pretty.” He clears his throat. “I mean, t-the moonlight. It looks pretty on you.”

“Well, thanks.” You giggle. “The moonlight looks pretty on you, too.” You lick your lips. “So, the hike this weekend. Wanna meet up at my apartment around 6am?”

“6am?!” Yeosang’s tone raises. “Jesus Christ. Why so early?”

“Unless you wanna hike underneath the afternoon sun and die?!”

“Okay, point taken.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“6am it is, then.”

“Jeez, contain your excitement or something.” You tease, continuing to eat at your plate. “Hey. What’s your last name?”

“Kang. Kang Yeosang.”

“That’s a nice name.”

“And yours?”

“Y/L/N.”

“Pretty.” He mutters. You’re having to break contact first, beginning to clean up the mess around you to distract yourself from Yeosang.

“Anyway, all good?” You finish your food and point at the nearly empty containers of food still sitting around.

“Mhm. Thank you. Can I repay you for the food?”

“No, I offered, silly. It didn’t take me long to make.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. Let me get this cleaned up. I wanna head out to the water before we go.” Yeosang quietly helps you clean up and pack the tupperwares into the bag before rolling up your blanket. You set it aside before stepping closer to the water, Yeosang trailing behind as he watches you crouch down and pick at the sand. 

“What’re you doing, Y/N?” He asks with a small chuckle.

“There’s a crab. He’s trying to get into his new shell.” He watches as you help the hermit crab inhabit a new shell and he thinks it’s the cutest fucking thing he’s ever seen in such a long time. “All good!” You watch as the hermit crab waddles away in its new home before picking up another shell nearby. “Isn’t it pretty?” You show him.

“It is.”

“Thanks for inviting me to hang out.” You walk back to towards your stuff, Yeosang walking alongside of you as you head towards your apartment. “You do know you don’t have to walk me, right?”

“Y/N, I told you it was fine. If you didn’t want me around, you could’ve just said so.” You snort.

“Dramatic.”

“Ouch.” He laughs.

“Here.” You hand him the shell. “Your first souvenir, chosen by yours truly.”

“Thank you.” He takes the shell and sticks it in his pocket. “I’ll make sure to take good care of it.” 

“Good. I trust you.” 

“Working tomorrow, I assume?” You nod.

“You should paddleboard tomorrow. Keeho’s off, he’ll probably be out there.”

“Yeah, might check it out.” The rest of the walk home falls into a comfortable silence, but you don’t mind it one bit. Yeosang does his usual of giving you space when you arrive at the lobby door, fishing for your keys before you say your usual goodnights. He waits until you walk down the hall to your apartment, feeling good enough to walk away and head back to his for the night; already looking forward to spending more time with you on the weekend.

Yeosang meets you at the front of your building at 6am on the dot and he has cups of iced coffee in hand. You thank him as you grab a cup and call for a taxi to bring you to the outskirts of town, you and Yeosang already engaging in a lively conversation for 6am in the morning.

The hike surprisingly isn’t bad. Yeosang keeps close to you, hyping you up when you get tired of climbing those damn hills and needing to take a quick break. In between taking in the scenery, you both snap photos on your phone or your polaroid camera— showing Yeosang the pictures as soon as they develop. You ask him to take a picture with you that turns out cute; the both of you making silly poses before Yeosang takes the camera and shoots solo shots of you. The hike is fun; it’s full of easy conversation, lots of laughs and good vibes with Yeosang. It almost feels like you’ve known Yeosang for years with how quick you two clicked. Might’ve taken a little warming up for Yeo, but he swears there isn’t anyone who has ever pulled him out of his shell this fast [and naturally], too. The hike takes close to 3 hours with all the pauses and stops in between, and by the time you get back down to the starting point, it’s still pretty early in the day. The taxi drops you off at the front if your building and Yeosang lingers behind while you fish for your keys per usual.

“Uh, I’m gross and sweaty. How about I shower, grab some food and come back?” Yeosang asks shyly, hand scratching at the nape of his neck.

“Okay then.” You show him the code box near the lobby door. “You can press Apt #2 and I’ll be able to buzz you in. My apartment is just down that hall.”

“I’ll be back.”

“Hurry up. I hate being alone.” You tease and he blushes before licking his lips and nodding.

“I won’t take long.” You smile before walking in and parting ways with Yeosang. When you get inside your studio, you toss your things aside and step into a piping hot shower to ease your muscles. You take a good, long 30-minute shower, using your favorite coconut scrub and massaging it onto your skin before you wrap up and step out. You lotion up using the same brand as your scrub, throwing on a crewneck and shorts. You tidy up around the house, fluffing up the pillows and folding the extra blankets neatly onto the couch. By the time Yeosang is asking to be buzzed in, it’s about an hour and a half since he initially left you. 

“Hey.” He says, stepping into your studio and immediately kicking off his shoes. His eyes roam around your space, slowly walking into the kitchen to set down the bags in his hands. “Cute. The space is very.. you.”

“Why, thank you.” You do a curt bow before helping him unpack the bags. “What’d you get?”

“Bibimbap. And other snacks.” You fish out some ice cream from the side of the bag and laugh.

“Even ice cream?”

“You like melona bars, right? Please tell me you do.”

“I do. I actually really like this one.” You hold up the honeydew Melona box.

“Yessss.” He says. “More brownie points for Kang Yeosang.” You laugh, helping him carry the food to the table in the living room. You pour some water for the both of you, setting it near your bowls before getting comfortable next to him. You flip through your TV, settling for Warm Bodies that is randomly playing on one of the channels. Yeosang starts to talk about his own zombie apocalypse scenario, laying down his plans and what he’d do to survive.

“You know that game, right? The Last of Us? Like that. I probably would wanna keep it moving instead of staying stationary in one spot.”

“Oh my god.” You roll your eyes and laugh.

“What? Don’t you think about these things?”

“No!”

“You should. What’re you gonna do if you wake up tomorrow morning and the zombies have taken over?”

“I’ll stick with you.”

“What if I don’t want you with me?” You playfully punch him on the bicep and he lets out a small ‘ah’ at the contact.

“You punk, you’re so mean. I’d be useful and you’d be missing out!”

“Okay, so tell me how.”

“I just will be! I know a thing or two about boxing and muay thai! And-and, I can cook. I can make us some good shelter. I can clean weapons.”

“You’ve done boxing and muay thai?” You nod. 

“Back when I was at home, yeah.”

“Hot.”

“You’re an idiot.” You laugh. “So you want me on your team now?!”

“Yeah, just to see your boxing and muay thai moves.”

“Well, I’m not so sure I wanna be on your team anymore.”

“Fine.” Yeosang says, setting his empty plate aside. “Suit yourself.” You giggle as you run into the freezer and grab some of the ice cream for you and Yeo to chomp on.

“Hey.”

“Mm?” You turn to him with your melona bar in hand.

“Do your friends have nicknames for you?”

“They just call me Yeo.”

“Hm.” You hum. “Can I call you Sangie?”

“Sangie?” He looks at you with a slightly disgusted expression.

“Please? I don’t wanna just call you Yeo.” He looks at you and you catch the way his eyes dart from yours, down to your lips, then back up to meet your eyes. His expression softens and he lets out a small sigh before shaking his head in disbelief.

“Fine.” You squeal. “Don’t overdo it though, please. For the love of God.”

“I won’t, Sangie.” You tease and he squints at you.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” You try to playfully hit him but he catches your hand in his, not letting go until you use all your power to release it from his death hold. He laughs as you pout and whine, Yeosang pinching your cheeks as a way to test the waters of being more affectionate and closer to you.

Once you finish eating your ice cream, Yeosang helps you clean up before pushing the table aside so that you two can lay comfortably in the living room floor. You find yourself getting sleepy from the hike and all the food Yeosang brought over, that you curl up into your blanket beside him while he continues to watch. He looks down and chuckles to himself, hearing soft snores coming from beneath the blanket. Sooner or later, Yeosang finds his eyes getting heavier, sinking into his position more as he gets sleepier. Yeosang follows suit and ends up falling asleep, laying flat on his back next to you with his hand lazily on his stomach. Over time, you unknowingly get wrapped up in each other’s arms. At one moment, you’re tucked underneath Yeosang’s chin. The next, your back is pressed against him while he has an arm over you. But even when you stir in your sleep and pop your eyes open for a quick second, none of it feels weird to you. You like being close to him.

Unknowingly watching new paths unfold right in front of you. Shit is crazy.

Your phone rings and you’re popping your head up to see who could possibly be calling and waking you up from your nap. Though you move to quickly grab the phone and peek at the caller ID, Yeo doesn’t do much to move away or give you space. Instead, he continues to keep an arm around you. He kinda likes that you haven’t rejected his little acts of affection and that you’ve been reciprocating in one way or another. It makes him feel more comfortable around you, and it makes him feel like he’s not the only one feeling the way that he feels. Hopefully, you see it too.

“Hold on, sorry.” You grab your phone and answer the call, sitting up as Yeosang continues to quietly lay next to you; arm loosely hanging over your legs. “Hey.”

“Yo.” Your cousin, Jeongin, greets you on the other line. “Sorry, I meant to call you earlier but I got busy.”

“All good.” You chuckle. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Guess what?”

“Hm?” You hum, your finger tracing the veins on Yeosang’s arm.

“I got an internship at one of the companies I applied for!” You squeal.

“Oh my god, congrats! I knew you would! When do you start?”

“Probably beginning of next month? I need to get through all of my paperwork and health clearances first. It’s gonna take awhile, but by next month for sure.”

“Yay! That’s awesome, Innie! I’m so proud of you!”

“Thanks. I’m proud of me, too.” You snort.

“Okay, champ.”

“Hey, how’s everything down there, by the way?”

“Good.” You pause and Jeongin laughs. 

“Just good? What have you been up to?”

“Working, hanging out.”

“Uh huh.” He laughs. “You were supposed to tell me more about that visitor that came to town?” You look at Yeosang who is now looking up at you with curious eyes.

“Um, I’ll have to tell you another time.”

“Why? Is he with you right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Just.. you two?”

“Mhm.” Yeosang can obviously tell the topic has turned to him, and he can’t help but chuckle a bit at how shy and quiet you’re trying to be. Even though he's literally laying next to you with his arm sprawled across your lap.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” He smiles through the phone. “He better be good to you or else I’ll fight him.”

“Please, I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“Right.” Jeongin smiles. Your cousin was always going to protect you and be there for you, especially after all the shit you’ve been through. All the hurt you’ve experienced. He couldn’t help but feel overprotective over you, and he couldn’t help but worry about you. And yeah, if this ever turned to anything, it would take awhile for Jeongin to trust them. He’s seen people fuck you over time and time again that he no longer just sit back and be too relaxed about people who come into your life. He’s seen you cry way more times than he’d like to count.

“By the way.” He clears his throat. “Your mom said hi. She said she misses you but hopes you’re well.” You swallow the lump in your throat, licking your lips when your mouth suddenly feels dry. Yeosang catches onto the mood switch— watching as your smile drops, your hand now retracting from his arm and curling up against your lap.

“Oh. Uh, tell her I said hi, too.” Jeongin sighs.

“Your parents really miss you, you know?”

“Well.” Is all you can say.

“At least call or text your mom? She worries about you every day.”

“Then maybe she should have backed me up when dad was saying all those things about me. Like oh, you know, how worthless I am.” 

“They should’ve known better, and they shouldn’t have done that. You don’t have to forgive them for it, but give her some peace of mind. She’s still your mom.”

“Oh, Innie. Can never get anything past you.”

“I’m just saying.” He chuckles. “Please? Just text her soon. Doesn’t have to be long.”

“We’ll see.”

“Anyway, I won’t keep you long. Just wanted to check in and tell you the good news. Hope you and your new man are having a good evening together.”

“He—I—” You pause and let out a breath. “That’s not exactly it but okay, yes we are.” Jeongin laughs louder.

“Alright. I’ll talk to you later? Text or call me if anything.”

“I know. You too.”

“Love you!” He says in a sing-song tone.

“Love you, too.” And with that, the call ends. You always hate getting off the phone with your cousin because it makes you miss home more than you’d like to admit. You would go home just to spend time with him like you used to, but the memories, the thoughts of your parents, all seem to be overbearing and make you regret even having the thought in the first place. You do miss him, a lot though. Since graduating, he had been busy trying to get into the workforce just like your family had pressured him into doing; applying for internships left and right to gain some experience before applying to graduate school. So, he hadn’t been able to visit like he planned to. Maybe one day you’ll be able to look past it and come home.

“Sorry.” You look at Yeosang, who is now stretching and sitting up next to you. “My cousin.”

“All good.” He grabs his water from the table and sits back down next to you. “You okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I think so.”

“Your parents?” Is all Yeo says, hoping he isn’t poking too far into details and making you uncomfortable.

“Oh yeah.” You pathetically chuckle. “We’ve gotten into a lot of arguments before I left, that’s all. He was telling me my mom missed me and that I should at least try to text her that I’m doing okay.”

“I know it’s not easy but.. you should.” He says softly while turning his attention back to you. You maintain eye contact, catching his eyes quickly shoot down to your lips then back up to your eyes again. It makes you feel butterflies when he looks at you the way that he does, and it makes you wanna crawl back into your shell and hide. You look down and fiddle with your fingers, hoping it could distract you somehow.

“I dunno. I think I’m still having trouble letting go of what happened between us.”

“Mm.” He hums. “Do you miss them, though?”

“Mm, yeah.” You respond, close to a whisper. “It’ll always suck that our relationship isn’t what it used to be.”

“Whenever you’re ready, you should. Take your time with it, though.”

“Thanks.” You look up and give him a small smile. You quickly check the time, noticing dinner is approaching. “If you wanna stay for a little longer, I can whip up some dinner?”

“Sure.” He chuckles. “Can’t turn down a home cooked meal.”

“Of course.” You laugh, getting up from your seat.

“I mean, it’s a bonus that you’re cooking it.”

“Kang Yeosang, please. No need to save yourself.” You go through the stuff in the fridge, figuring out what to whip for dinner. “Are you a picky eater?”

“Nope.” He rests his head back against the edge of the couch.

“Good. You can change the channel, by the way.” You giggle, grabbing the ingredients from the fridge and setting up the pot on the stove. Yeosang flips the channel to the baseball game that’s happening in the city tonight, cheering along whenever they hit a home run. You laugh from the kitchen, asking him what sports he likes to indulge in and if him and his father went to games often. He replies that they have, and that baseball and soccer are more of their thing than anything else. It’s cute, really. Super endearing. It kinda reminds you of the times when you were younger and your dad would bring you to baseball games. It feels like such a distant and far memory. Like it never even happened, almost. That’s how much things have changed over the years. Your relationship with your dad hasn’t felt the same.

Once you’ve finished whipping up the tteokmanduguk, you bring the pot over to the coffee table, along with two small bowls and utensils. Yeosang grabs more water for you two and some beer for himself before settling next to you and indulging in another movie for the night. You tell him that you and your friends are gonna have a movie night soon, and that he should join along. There’s also a party that Jungkook is planning to host at one of the nearby bars. Yeosang agrees simply by telling you he’s down to go wherever you are since, after all, you are his self-proclaimed tour guide. You laugh it off even though deep down, it makes you feel giddy and happy he’d come along.

When dinner comes to an end, Yeosang does a lot to help you clean up around the living room and in the kitchen. He offers to wash your dishes while stacking them onto the dish rack, cleaning around your stove and coffee table to make sure it’s in pristine condition. It’s about that time that he calls it a night, but he truly is hating to do so. Because when he leaves, you feel sad. And he does, too. He’s starting to hate the feeling of going separate ways and he’s not even sure how you were able to make him feel that way so quickly. You walk him to the door and thank him again for his company before Yeosang does the same and tells you how much he really enjoyed spending time with you today. You tippytoe to give him a quick kiss to the cheek, and Yeosang instantly smiles. It gives you butterflies how he responds, but you leave it at that— not too overwhelm him or do too much.

But at the end of his first full week in town, Yeosang finds himself utterly smitten with you, drowning in pure adoration for someone he met on a whim. The hike was what did it for him, watching as you were so carefree and comfortable around him— that being the exact thing that pulled him out of his shell entirely. He hadn’t genuinely enjoyed himself this much in awhile, laughing during most of the hike and feeling excited about exploring town with you. You even understand his humor and Yeosang thinks it’s so, so nice to be comfortable in his own skin and personality around you.

If he had to lay out what his ideal type was, it’d literally be you. Because you check off all the boxes, and it’s so fucking surreal that Yeosang is looking at you right in the face, seeing you in the flesh. It’s so unexpected, but it’s the best thing he’s come across in a long time. Unexpected and quick, but the best.

“Goodnight.” You smile and lean your head against the door frame. “I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe?” You take a few tiny steps back.

“Mhm.” It seems like Yeosang had other plans because he gently grabs you by the wrist and tugs you back; immediately cupping your cheeks and bringing his lips to yours. He holds the kiss there, thumb subtly caressing at your right cheek, before he slightly pulls away and looks at you. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

This is the moment that changed everything for him and he didn’t even realize it at the time. 

And he means everything.

From that moment, your days consisted of spending time with Yeosang in one form or another. Whether it be after your shift at the restaurant, waiting after you were done at the shelter to go shop at the tiny outdoor mall nearby, hanging out at the beach with your friends or being together at each other’s places— Yeosang was there. He’s even become acquainted with more people around town with your help, accompanying a few of the elderly neighbors to their appointments nearby, helping carry loads and loads of heavy packages into restaurants or buckets of fish into the fish market, playing around with the kids running around. Yeosang was there.

If you had come to town and met him, you would’ve never known he was a visitor himself. You loved that he blended in well, though. You loved that he seemed to be happier and more comfortable, and you hope this is everything he had wished for in a peaceful, relaxing vacation. When the month comes to an end, you’re honestly not sure what you’ll do or how you’ll feel. Yeosang has become a part of your days, the town, so easily in such a short amount of time that you already feel empty just thinking about it. But, those are problems for future Y/N. Present Y/N isn’t gonna trip about it right now. Instead, focus on the now. Having him here, seeing him in the flesh and being able to keep him near. 

“So, are we picking up your man?” Mingi hops in the driver’s seat, with Keeho in the passenger's seat. You and your other friend Mina sit in the back, with Mina nudging you in the arm. Jungkook had a few things to close out at the shop, telling the group he’d meet at Mingi and Keeho’s shared place in a few.

“I can’t wait to see him!” She squeals. Mina was another one of your good friends from town, but she too had been away and just got back home. You, Keeho, Mingi and Jungkook kept her up to date as possible, with Mina the most excited to meet Yeosang and see who had been occupying your time these days. 

“Yes, please. He’s ready.” You tell Mingi the address. 

“She’s not even denying the phrase anymore. Must really be her man now.” Keeho adds, making Mina smack him on the neck from behind.

“Mind your business, she’s happy!”

“I never even said it was wrong?! I’m glad you’re happy Y/N, seriously. Shit, Mina.” He turns to her and rolls his eyes.

“You two look like you’ve known each other for years. It is pretty cute.” Mingi adds as he continues to keep his eyes on the road. Over this time, you and Yeosang had gotten quite affectionate with each other. A lot of it behind doors, but still pretty obvious around other people. It was the hand on the small of your back or hips. Hands grazing or pinkies holding onto each other. Whispers in each other’s ears. The flirty smiles and blushing. Yeosang’s arm over your shoulder. The playful hugs. Behind doors, there were a lot of little kisses on the cheek. The lips. Just enough to want more of each other but still afraid to cross those lines and ask for too much. But god, did Yeosang find it hard to keep his composure around you. He wanted you.

When you arrive at the front of Yeosang’s studio, he’s just stepped out of his door. He’s comfortably in matching sweats and a hoodie, a small smile painted on his face when he sees your head hanging out the window. “Hey!” You smile at him and Yeosang almost buckles at the fucking knees.

“Get your big ass head back in the car, Y/N. My neck is cold!” Keeho laughs.

“Fuck you!” 

“Let me put up the window!” Keeho whines.

“Sup.” He says, giving Keeho a dap before waving at Mingi as he approaches the car.

“Oh my god, he’s so fucking handsome.” Mina says behind you, tugging on your shirt. “What the fuck! Where can I find one!”

“Sh!” You shush her while laughing and settling back in your seat. Yeosang slips in next to you and immediately looks at you with a soft expression.

“Hey.” He says before shifting his attention to Mina, who is currently leaning over you to get a better look at him.

“Hi! I’m Mina! We haven’t met yet cause I just got back from vacation.” She holds out her hand and shakes his hand firmly before giggling. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Yeosang.”

“What a catch.” Mina says in your ear, causing the heat to rise to your cheeks.

“Did you eat? Cause these assholes don’t know how to cook.” You look at him and he chuckles.

“Yeah, I did.”

“We have chips and shit! Plus, Kook said he’s gonna bring some chicken or whatever.”

“How was work and the shelter today?” 

“Good, kinda busy. Ro got adopted!”

“That’s great! What else happened?”

“Nothing. The usual.” You shrug and Yeosang nods, his hand coming to rest on your thigh. “What’d you do today?”

“Uh, go to the gym. Checked out those places you sent me the other day.” 

“Oh nice! Did you eat at Mom’s Kitchen?” He nods.

“It’s so good.”

“Isn’t it?!” Mina catches sight of Yeosang’s hand on your thigh and she begins to subtly nudge your arm, in which you nudge back. The ride is somewhat quiet, with the occasional bickering in between you, Mingi, Keeho and Mina. Yeosang laughs next to you, thoroughly enjoying the chemistry between your friends as it reminds him of his own. He does miss his friends, but it’s nice to be around fresh faces. New energy.

“So, what are we putting on first?” Mingi sets the grocery bags down on their kitchen counter, taking the chips and candy out for everyone to help themselves to.

“Girl in the Picture!” Mingi groans when he hears your response and Keeho’s immediate agreement.

“Oh my fucking god, can you please? Let’s watch something else!” Mingi scolds you. “All Y/N and Keeho do is watch true crime shit and talk about it for days on end.” He turns to Yeosang with the complaint, but all Yeosang can do is smile and laugh it off.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Tall and Bland? Sometimes, it’s good to be educated and aware, especially in today’s world.” Keeho shakes his head. “Anyway, back to putting this shit on.” You snort, watching as Keeho puts on Girl in the Picture. At this point, Jungkook walks in and kicks off his shoes, setting a large tray of chicken wings onto the table, along with its included side dishes.

“Here. Eat up.”

“Oh shit.” Mingi says, immediately piling a good amount of chicken onto his paper plate.

“Don’t be stingy!” Jungkook calls to Yeosang. “Yeo, come and get something to eat before these two big-backs take it all.”

“I know you aren’t talking about me cause I’m sitting right here.” Keeho chimes in while scrolling through his phone.

“You don’t wanna eat more?” Yeo shakes his head.

“I’m good, thank you though!” He directs his thank you’s to the boys for providing food. You and Mina grab some chips and candy before you settle back onto your seats— Mina on the floor near the loveseat, Mingi sprawled on the couch, Keeho near one end of the couch on the floor, and you and Yeosang on the opposite end on the floor.

“You guys don’t ever get creeped out by this shit?” Jungkook plops onto the loveseat, letting his left leg dangle off the arm of the couch while he sits in a weird position.

“I do, but it’s also interesting to learn about these cases. Truthfully, I wouldn’t know these even happened without the content we get on them.”

“Okay, I can get with that.” Jungkook adds, still chomping on his m&ms. You snuggle against Yeosang while you two sit closely, his arm draped around your shoulders while he props a leg up. 

“Didn’t know you were into true crime like that.” Yeosang chuckles.

“It’s just interesting.” You look at him with a brow raised. “Are you making fun of me?”

“What, no?” He smiles. “Just mentally adding it my list of all the things you like.”

“You’re keeping track?”

“If I say no?” He teases, making you gently pinch him on the side before returning your attention to the documentary. 

“Mean.”

“Well, for the record. I am.” He says lowly by your ear before pressing a light kiss to the side of your head, causing the heat to rise to your cheeks and a small smile to tug at the corners of your lips. You giggle overhearing Jungkook complain about the many layers this case already has in the first half, while Keeho is having to pause the documentary a few times to explain what’s actually going on. You chime in to back him up, only pressing play when the others have finally gotten on the same page. Yeosang chuckles to himself seeing the chaotic bickering occur again, all while enjoying having you snuggled underneath his arm. When the documentary comes to a close, Mingi suggests putting on Skinamarink as the next movie. 

“Listen, it’s a different horror film! It’s experimental. Two kids wake up and their dad is legit missing outta nowhere. You never see the characters fully in frame, but it’s obvious something is wrong. You just hear things. Like them whispering or the cartoons playing. The trailer was so fucking creepy.”

“Ou, okay. Mangi finally has a good recommendation, I fuck with it.” Keeho pulls up the movie and presses play.

“I’m scared!” Mina squeals and puts her hands over her eyes, making Jungkook playfully tear them away.

“Nah, if we’re watching this, you are too.”

“Then move! Let me sit on the seat and you sit on the floor closer to the TV!” Jungkook laughs and stands to switch with her, plopping onto the floor as the movie kicks off.

“Oh hell no.” You mutter to yourself when the movie starts, immediately terrified from the creepy vibe of the movie. Yeo feels you snuggle up to him even more and he hugs you a little tighter, his arm now completely wrapped around your shoulders.

“This is actually kinda good.” 

“It’s so creepy.” 

“Yeah, it is. That’s what makes it a good horror movie.” He looks down at you. “Scared?”

“Kinda.” You’ve fallen to a whisper with how eerily silent the movie is despite the children talking and the creepy cartoons filling the background noise. Mingi, Jungkook and Keeho take turns yelling out of their asses, scared of what’s to come from the movie.

“How are you scared of this but not true crime, pretty girl?” Yeosang teases, gently pinching at your cheek.

“That’s different.”

“How?” He chuckles.

“I can’t explain it.” You pout, suddenly jumping in his arms when new activities happen in the movie.

“You’re okay.” He laughs, but you continue to pout. “Stop pouting. You’re making it really hard not to kiss you.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“No one said you couldn’t kiss me.” You tease. “It’s not like you haven’t.”

“Shut up.” He leans in to peck you on the lips, fingers gently caressing your chin. You giggle, resting your head on his shoulder as you continue to watch the movie. The both of you chime in with theories as things progress in the movie, with you using Yeosang’s hand to cover your eyes every now and then. He laughs, trying to rip his hand away to force you to watch. But, he stops; letting you cover your eyes when you and Mina start genuinely whining about how spooked you’re feeling from the movie.

“Oh shit.” Jungkook laughs as the boys continue to watch. “This is fucked up. The movie is all about making you feel all weird and unsettled but nothing really happens. It just thrives on that energy. The fear of the unknown.”

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m kinda fucking scared.” Keeho snorts.

“It reminds me of when I was a kid.” Mingi adds. “You guys remember waking up in the middle of the night and being scared to turn around cause it feels like something is there?”

“Yeah.” Yeosang chimes in. “Then you start spiraling into your own thoughts cause you don’t know if something is there or not, and then you start feeling more anxious and scared.”

“Yeah, exactly!”

“I hated that.”

“That’s why I never put my feet out from under the blanket.” Jungkook says, making everyone laugh.

“Oh shit!” They all collectively say when one of the rare jumpscares comes up. You feel Yeosang get startled next to you, causing you to giggle and poke fun at him.

“At least I’m watching!”

“You’re right, sorry.” You say sarcastically, giving him a tiny peck on the jaw. Just as you’re about to pull back and rest your head on his shoulder, he quickly dips in for another kiss on the lips. You scrunch your nose in response and he just about dies at how cute it is, pulling you closer towards him [if there were any possible way to be closer]. Towards the end of the movie, everyone finishes strong despite how spooked they feel. There were a bunch of ‘oh ew’s’ and ‘oh fuck no’s’ from the group while watching the ending scene, with Yeosang even making a face at how terrifying the ending is. 

“Okay, that was a good one.” Jungkook turns to Mingi. “How’d you find out about it?”

“Research.”

“You’re so full of shit.” Keeho glares at him. “What Youtube video were you watching when the ad popped up?” You all laugh.

“Let him have this one, Keeho. Damn.” You add.

“Real.” Jungkook stands and stretches. “Anyway, successful movie night I’d say. Are you guys gonna go to the bar next week? For the party?” He turns to you and Yeosang. “Yeo?”

“Yeah, for sure.” He nods, making Jungkook smile.

“Sick. It’ll be fun.” He grabs his keys and swings it around his finger. “I’m about to dip. Tired as fuck now. You three wanna ride with me so I can take you home?”

“Yeah, I’m fucking scared, though.” Mina laughs.

“Just turn on your lofi playlist.” Mingi says. “That can fix anything.”

“Sleep Soul by Jhene Aiko will fix anything, that’s for damn sure.” 

“I’m about to sleep with my night light on.” Keeho laughs. “Man, fuck you. It was a good recommendation but now I’m scared.”

“It was good, huh?” Mingi asks cockily. “I’ll cover for next movie night.”

“No, hell no. Need a good break.” You stand and stretch, giving Keeho and Mingi a hug after thanking them for hosting movie night. Yeosang follows suit, bidding the two farewells before slipping into his shoes and following you three out of the door.

“I’m about to leave all the lights on at my place, I don’t care. I can handle a few nights of the bill being high.”

“Same.”

“You have Yeosang, though!”

“He doesn’t stay with me!” You fire back with a laugh, even though it does kinda suck that you’re still having to say goodbye to Yeosang at the end of the day. This was progressing into who knows what— you had no idea what you two were at this point. All you know is that you have deep feelings for this man, and you hope he does, too. It’s kinda silly to be falling this deep, but you click with him. It’s a connection you can’t put into words. And that is terrifying.

Jungkook drives Mina to her place before dropping you off, leaving him alone with Yeosang as the last stop. Jungkook asks a few times if you’re both sure that you don’t need to stay at one place or the other, shrugging it off when you both shyly agree that you’ll part ways for the night.

Yeosang wishes he didn’t, because the night he does sleepover brings him to new territories with you and he wished he had explored it sooner.

You had been working at the restaurant for a full shift, and Yeosang had been out on the water with Mingi and a few other people from town. When he finally gets a text from you that you’ve finished your shift and closed up for the night with Jungkook, he’s back at home all freshly showered and patiently waiting for you. He feels his heart skip a beat, and he immediately throws on a windbreaker over his black tank top before dashing through the door with a simple—

[yeosang]: see you soon 😊

[you]: yay!

He chuckles to himself as he begins a light jog over to your place, knowing you’re probably taking your time heading home from work or stopping by to check on a few people. He doesn’t mind, though. He’ll gladly wait for you for as long as you need him to, especially if that means seeing you and spending time with you. 

So, he does just that until he finally catches wind of you approaching the apartment [faster than expected]. Yeosang silently leans back against the wall, watching as you skip towards the house and even do a little twirl. He lets out a soft chuckle to himself at how oblivious you are to his presence, even picking up the phone to call him. He purposely doesn’t pick up to see how long it’ll take you to notice, watching as you pause in your steps and glare at your phone when he doesn’t pick up the call.

“Why isn’t he answering me?” You pout as you tuck your phone away and dig for your keys. “Kang Yeosang. You better have a good excuse—”

“Like.. what? Sorry, I was faster than you and have been waiting?” Your attention shoots up to Yeosang still patiently waiting by the lobby door to the complex, your eyes lighting up as you let out a squeal and instantly throw your arms around him.

“I missed you.” You cutely mumble against him, his hand rubbing up and down your back as he holds you close.

“I missed you too, cutie.” He presses a kiss against the side of your head. “How was your shift?”

“It was okay, pretty busy.”

“Yeah? Least you get to relax now.” 

“Thank god.” You laugh, fiddling with your keys to unlock your door while Yeosang wraps his arms around your shoulders from behind. 

“I’ve been waiting all day.” He says softly against your head.

“I’m here now.”

“What do you wanna do tonight?” You shrug.

“I dunno. Anything! I just need to shower first because I feel kinda gross.” You laugh as you both step out of your shoes and drop your things off to the side, on the kitchen table.

“Cute regardless.” Yeosang smiles and you shake your head.

“Lies, all lies.”

“I would never lie to you.” He gently caresses your chin. “How about I cook something while you go shower and get comfortable?” You gasp.

“Yeosang cooking again?”

“I can whip up a good meal or two when I want, okay.” He rolls his eyes before squeezing your side. “Go.”

“Demanding.” You tease before grabbing your pajamas and heading off to the shower. Yeosang stands in your kitchen area for a good minute, hands placed on his hips as he contemplates on what he can cook. He rummages through your mini pantry and fridge, digging up some of your prepped cucumbers, radishes, boiled eggs and broth to make some naengmyeon. It’s a dish he’s able to whip up quickly, carrying your bowl and his to the living room coffee table. You finish your shower about 10 minutes later, and Yeosang is quietly sitting on the couch flipping through the channels. You run a towel through your damp hair, smiling at the two bowls ready made for you two.

“Aw.” You giggle. “Thank you.” You sit next to him and give him a soft, feathery kiss to the cheek. He turns to catch your lips in another kiss, making you scrunch your nose in response.

“You’re very welcome.” The two of you find a movie to settle on before indulging in your meal. Afterwards, you tidy up and grab some of the ice cream still sitting in your freezer from last time— handing Yeosang a melona bar as you plop back down next to him. He’s cozy, and you snuggle up close to feel more of his warmth. “Fuck, I don’t wanna move.” Yeosang sighs, leaning his head back onto the couch after he’s finished his ice cream. It’s nearing midnight and he truly hates the thought of leaving you at this point.

“You don’t have to.” You softly respond and he pops an eye open to examine your expression, body language. “Stay.”

“You’ll be comfortable with that?”

“Course.” You giggle. “I have a stack of extra toothbrushes, you know, in case the zombie apocalypse happens and we need them for a variety of reasons.” He snorts.

“Ah, touché. Nice to know you’d yield a toothbrush as a weapon. Makes me feel really safe.” You playfully toss a crumpled napkin his way. 

“Come.” You take his hand and lead him into your bathroom so he can get settled however he’d like. You hand him an extra toothbrush that he takes. Takes him a minute to register the item in his hand, that he’s standing in your bathroom getting ready for bed at your place. Which, is incredibly domestic as fuck for him; someone who doesn’t even know what this is or if there’s such a thing with labels nowadays. As much as he feels like he should drop it and forcibly distance himself from this, he can’t. Because he’d be lying to himself. How can he when he’s so incredibly smitten, so fucking in love with you already?

He adores you. He can’t lie that he’s been drawn to you from the start. He could never drop this or distance himself from you. His days don’t mean shit without you now.

Yeosang brushes his teeth and gets himself a little more comfortable while you tidy up in the kitchen and living room. The TV is off, and the only lights illuminating the space are from the kitchen and your Sailor Moon LED lamp on your nightstand. It’s blue, and it casts a pretty shade against the wall. 

“Are you gonna get ready for bed after?”

“Uh huh.” You wipe your hands on the hand towel.

“I can sleep on the couch—”

“No, you don’t have to do that. I don’t mind sharing my bed.” You laugh.

“A-are you sure, Y/N? I don’t wanna invade your space more than I already have.”

“Swear it’s okay. Or else, I wouldn’t have told you to stay and offered an extra toothbrush from my stash.” He chuckles and nods.

“Okay.” He slowly pads over to your bed, throwing the sheets from your neatly-made bed back. He rips off his hoodie and tosses it aside, leaving him in his white tee and sweats. He slips into the side of your bed, resting his hand behind his head with a leg propped up while he scrolls through his phone and waits for you. Within a couple of minutes, you’re shutting off the lights in your bathroom and walking over to the other side of the bed. He watches you go through your phone, soft music now playing through your bluetooth speakers.

“Hope you don’t mind. It actually helps me fall asleep.” You slip in next to him and it suddenly feels so fucking unreal that he’s laying next to you. About to sleepover for the night. Ain’t that some shit?

“It’s okay.” You turn to face him and he does the same, eyeing your features under the blue light. He pushes your hair back before caressing your cheek. 

“Why do you keep staring at me, Kang Yeosang?”

“You’re just.. so pretty, Y/N.” He says close to a whisper. “It almost feels unreal.”

“Stop.” You giggle. 

“I mean it.” He smiles, gently tugging you by the elbow to bring you closer. “Come here.” You scoot closer, resting right near Yeosang’s chin. His thumb glides over the surface of your chin, lifting it ever so slightly so that he can get a better look at your face from his angle. You edge a little closer, your lips grazing his before he dips forward. The kiss immediately starts heated, full of emotions. As you deepen the kiss, Yeosang lets out a small groan while his hand rests on your cheek. You press against him more, and he’s doing everything he can to take it slow, take his time. But, he can’t. Not when you know how to kiss so fucking well. Not when you continue to press against him, rocking yourself against his rock hard dick. Every kiss, every move, turns Yeosang on a ‘lil more than the last and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to hold it in tonight. He’s about to break.

“Fuck.” He lets out a shaky sigh, sucking onto your bottom lip as he tugs back and lets go. You slowly guide his hand down your chest, to your waist; to the lining of your panties. Yeosang’s fingers toy with the material under your shorts, slightly dipping beneath the hemline to test the waters all while kissing you deeply. When he finally gains the courage to explore a little deeper, he toys with your folds before sliding a digit in— trying to get a feel for how tight and wet you are.

“You’re so wet.” He whispers against your lips, but he barely gets the last half out before you’re swallowing his words and taking him in for another kiss. Yeosang slips in another finger, this time, pumping it at a faster pace than the last; a stupid smirk growing on his face when he hears the sounds coming from your pussy. “That’s so fucking hot.”

“Sangie.” You whimper. “More. Please.” He hisses hearing you beg, weak at the doe-eyed, innocent look you give him.

“You’re dripping.” He bites onto his bottom lip, curling his fingers into you. “All this for me?” You let out a choked moan when he hits you right at your spot, your hips getting a mind of their own and slowly riding his fingers. Your hand comes down to palm Yeosang’s hard cock through his sweats.

“Sangie, like that.” You nod to continue egging him on, begging him to let you cum, to push you over the edge. It doesn’t take long after this for you to let out a loud moan, your orgasm washing over your entire body. Yeosang smiles contently as he slowly pumps his fingers into you, thumb grazing your overly-sensitive clit that you’re having to grab at his wrist to stop him from doing so. “Oh shit.” You mewl while Yeosang laughs, pressing feathery kisses to your temple, jaw, corner of your lips. You take the two digits into your mouth and get a taste of yourself, Yeosang hissing when he watches you do. He loves the way your tongue swirls around his fingers, pretty lips wrapped around them while you get a taste.

“Oh my god.” He groans a bit. “You’re gonna kill me.” You look at him, dazed and all over this cloud nine shit, hoping you can satisfy his needs, too. You continue to palm him, feeling how incredibly hard he is through the material and wanting more of him.

“Can I?” He nods, allowing you to pull his length from its confines and slowly pump him. His dick is perfectly thick, sitting at a good length. The thought of him pumping this inside of you makes you drool. Your thumb swipes his tip, spreading his pre-cum across the surface. You work your hand in certain motions, pumping his length at a continuous, steady pace. You feel him buck into your hand a few times, his subtle way of asking you to keep going, to keep up at the pace you’re going.

“Oh—” He mutters. “Fuck, yeah.” He moans. “That’s it, baby.” You melt at the petname he lets out, his sultry tone sending goosebumps throughout your body. He begins to pant, signaling that he’s close. All Yeosang can think of is taking that next step with you and god, does he want you. But, he’ll take his time. He wants to do right by you. “I’m gonna cum— baby—” He chokes out. You pick up the pace and let him buck into your hand a few more times before you’re catching his release into your hand, a small amount landing on his lower tummy. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” You laugh. “Don’t be.”

“Let me help you get cleaned up.” He takes a napkin from your nightstand to clean himself up, then you, your hand. You’ve gotten some of his load on your finger, which you gladly take into your mouth. Yeosang pauses as he watches you, shaking his head in response.

“You’re actually out to kill me. There’s no way.” He glares at you while you giggle, letting him wipe down the rest of your hand. “You okay?”

“I am.” 

“Want me to grab you anything? Water?”

“No. Just hold me.” You say cutely and Yeosang can’t even think about rejecting your request. He pulls you close and places a big kiss on your forehead before coming down to your lips. “Night Sangie.” You say against his chest.

“Goodnight, love.” His heart swells when you snuggle into him, shortly falling asleep within the next few minutes. He takes his time to admire you, eyes trained on your features, your sleeping body, the soft smile on your face. He thinks this is the moment he truly could admit that he had started to really fall in love with you because there’s no other place he’d rather be. If he could choose any moment in time, he’d come back to this. Over and over again. He’d choose you, over and over again.

“Y/N. When are you coming home?” Changbin asks on the other line, with Ryujin and San sitting next to him.

“Yeah, cause. It’s lonely out here. I need you. These two are useless—” Changbin turns his phone away so he’s the only one in view, glaring at Ryujin next to him.

“By the way this is my phone call with Y/N. I don’t remember inviting you two?”

“Why me? I’m just here!” San whines. “She’s my bestfriend, too. Huh, Y/N?”

“She was my bestfriend first, you assholes!” Ryujin shoves San away.

“Anyway.” Bin fixes the phone, making you laugh. “Seriously, when are you coming home? We haven’t seen you in years and you won’t even let us come down to visit wherever you are.”

“Cause I’m busy and exploring.” You vaguely say. “I dunno when I’ll come home.”

“Do you even miss home?”

“I do. I miss you guys. I miss Innie.”

“Then?”

“Then, I don’t know? I’ve been doing okay here.”

“Are you replacing us with your friends there?” San asks.

“No one is replacing anyone.”

“Your parents miss you.” 

“As I’ve heard.” Your heart sinks; all of a sudden, you’re homesick again, and you miss your friends. It had been hard to leave them, too. But, you needed to find yourself, and you needed to work on things for your own self, for your own sake and peace. It was important.

“Look. You don’t have to move back home, but at least visit if you don’t want us coming to you.”

“I know. Maybe soon, yeah?” You smile. “I promise. So? Tell me. What else is new there?”

“Nothing.” Changbin snorts. “Nothing at all.”

“Ryujin and I started learning tennis.” You laugh at San.

“Tennis?!”

“It’s fun!” Ryujin pouts. “I’d usually do this with you, but I have to settle for the boys.” It’s true— Ryujin was your bestfriend, and you used to do everything with her. Whether it was staying up late and exploring, going out to parties, trying all kinds of activities; she was your girl and vice versa. You missed her so, so much. But, she knew how much you needed this break and how much you needed to be away from the past, old memories. She understood you, and even though it hurt to let you go, she just wanted what was best for you.

“I just sit and watch.” Changbin adds. “Fetch the ball a few times.”

“Sounds like you.” You laugh.

“What about you? Anything new down there?”

“No.” You quickly change the subject. “Innie told me he got the internship at one of the companies he applied to!”

“Yeah, we saw him the other day and he told us. Even more of a reason for you to come home to celebrate?” You chuckle.

“Yeah.” You hear the shower cut off in the bathroom. “Anyway, I gotta go. Got some plans for tonight.”

“Okay. Be safe.” Changbin responds before Ryujin and San fit themselves into the tiny frame and wave.

“Miss you. Love you.” Ryujin pouts.

“I miss you and love you guys. Always.” You wave once more before setting the phone down. You set it on the charger as you sit criss-crossed on your bed, resting in Yeosang’s shirt. He steps out of your bathroom in some track pants while unfolding the shirt in his hands. You can’t help but fix on his abs just as he’s about to throw his shirt on, feeling all sorts of butterflies in your tummy after seeing how incredibly ripped he was.

You knew he was built well, but to see this— see it in action and in front of your eyes was different.

“My personality is up here.” Yeosang catches you staring when he gets his shirt on, a smirk plastered on his face as he crawls back onto your bed and gives you a quick peck to the lips.

“I wasn’t doing anything.”

“So.. you weren’t just staring at me?”

“You did that on purpose. You could’ve thrown your shirt on before leaving the bathroom, you demon.”

“You mad about it?” He bites onto his bottom lip, squeezing your thigh.

“No.” You roll your eyes and he laughs.

“Come here. Gimme a kiss.” You quickly oblige and dip forward to kiss him again; this time, deepening the kiss just enough to please him and tease him [for more]. The way he looks at you when you pull away makes your heart do a thousand flips, and you can’t help but let out a tiny giggle when he taps the tip of your nose. “Were you talking to someone while I was in the bathroom?”

“Oh.” You nod. “Mhm. Just friends.”

“Like Jungkook and them?”

“Childhood friends.” You vaguely respond.

“Oh. From home?” You nod.

“People I grew up with. They’re just checking in.” 

“That’s nice. Are they planning to come visit you or something?”

“No. They’re all too busy for that.” You give him a tiny toothless smile before hopping off the bed to get ready. “Anyway, I’m gonna start getting ready for the party.”

“I’ll be here.”

“Must be nice to just throw on your shit and go.” You laugh, digging through your closet for an outfit.

“You know you’d look good in anything.”

“My makeup!”

“You don’t even need it, pretty.” He lays back on your bed, shutting his eyes to rest for a bit. He replays the conversation you just had in his head, wondering why you had been shying away from sharing details with him. He caught onto the way your lips pursed together when you dropped eye contact. He caught onto the way you quietly responded and quickly changed topics. It’s not the first time he’s noticed, but he would never press you, no. On the other hand though, he can’t lie; he wishes you felt more comfortable with him. It all goes back to him wondering what else he can do to gain your trust. What else can he do to feel like a safe space for you? Why was he starting to feel like you were so close, yet so distant?

❊ FLASHBACK

“So, how are you liking town so far?”

“Good. It’s been fun. Nice to get away from the city.”

“That’s cool. I bet it’s nice to get away. Must be a good change from the hustle of the city.” Jungkook chuckles. “I’m sure Y/N has been a good tour guide, too?” He smirks.

“Uh, yeah.” Yeosang shyly laughs. “Yeah..”

“You guys are cute.”

“I don’t really know what this is to tell you honestly.” Jungkook shrugs.

“I know she likes you. A lot.”

“I—” Yeosang lets out a breath. “I like her, too.”

“The hesitation?” Jungkook chuckles and Yeosang shakes his head.

“Oh no. Not like that. I just.. wasn’t expecting it.”

“Isn’t that the best, though? When you least expect it.”

“Yeah.” Yeosang says softly. “Sounds cliché, but she really makes me feel things I haven’t felt before.” Jungkook smiles.

“Cute. So. Do you plan to make this an official thing even with you leaving at the end of the month? Or, do I need to step into my overprotective friend mode?” Yeosang chuckles.

“No. Don’t worry. I’m not like that, I swear. I don’t— I don’t do temporary.” Is all he responds with. “There’s nothing more that I want than to be on a solid page with her. If that’s what she wants.”

“Course. I know she does even if she shies away from it.” Jungkook laughs a bit and does a slight head tilt. “You know, it’s funny. I’ve known that girl for a couple of years and I still feel like I know her but at the same time, I don’t. I just know she’s been through a lot and she moved here from who knows where to start a new chapter for herself.” He turns to Yeo. “Although I do believe you and think you’re genuinely a good guy, please just.. take care of her.” Yeosang nods slowly. He wonders why you haven’t opened up to your friends much, being that they’re people you surround yourself with often. He gets it, though. It took him awhile to really open up to his friends— even now, he doesn’t think there are things he can openly share with Chaerin or Jongho compared to Wooyoung. Still. It makes him feel a little sad that you might feel alone, even in a room full of people. What can he do to be of comfort to you?

“Of course.” Yeosang sits back in his seat, wondering how he could possibly pull this off. Because he does want this, he does. And he’d be willing to make it work, despite the 4 hour distance. He’d come back and forth if he had to, keep up with plans to visit each other and take initiative. It’ll be hard, and it’ll be an adjustment until you two can figure out a better plan. But, he wants you and that’s all that matters to him at this point.

❊ END

Evening comes pretty quickly, especially when you’re distracted by Yeosang through his kisses and his need to be in between your thighs. You eventually finish getting ready post-orgasm, throwing on a cargo skirt, a cropped baby tee and sneakers. Yeosang is in black jeans, a white tee, and combat boots. The two of you start pregaming together until Keeho pulls up to your apartment— Mingi and Mina loudly yelling from their seats from all the excitement. 

The bar is closer to the outskirts of town, and Jungkook chose this bar in particular since the owners had been longtime friends of his family. The bar was also recently remodeled, with more modern and sleek touches, making it easy on the eye. The weather is beautiful tonight, the air crisp and not too cold. The windows are down as Keeho drives down the road along the water, blasting his playlist with everyone singing along. After a good 15 minutes, Keeho pulls into the large lot in front of the bar, carefully navigating into a spot while people are walking across to join the party. The music is muffled, but can be heard booming through the building even from down the road. You lace your fingers with Yeo’s, holding onto his hand tightly as you and your friends walk into the bar. It’s packed already, and you’re having trouble finding Jungkook in the crowd until Mingi spots him in between the bar and DJ.

“He’s over there!” Mingi nods for you all to follow him to the opposite end of the bar. Jungkook is a social butterfly, so he’s got people swarming him left and right. When he finally spots you from over the shoulder of the person he’s talking to, he smiles from ear to ear, raising his glass up.

“About fucking time!”

“Miss Mina needed extra time to get ready.” Keeho laughs. “Who the fuck did you invite?”

“People who invited people who invited more.. people.” Jungkook shrugs. “Yeosang, my guy!” He gives Yeosang a dap, pulling him into a good hug afterwards. “Let’s go take some shots. On me!”

“Oh shit, boss is paying for shots?!” Mingi says excitedly, immediately following him to the bar with Yeosang alongside of him.

“Aye, Y/N. Take my shot for me please. Don’t disappoint me.” You snort at Keeho’s request.

“I got you!” And so with that, everything takes off from here. The three of you participate in taking shots— one turning into three, four? Both you and Yeosang try to pace yourselves though, not wanting to be incredibly drunk and too inebriated to enjoy tonight. But, the shots you’ve taken are enough to get you going; feeling carefree enough to drag Yeosang onto the dance floor and have your alone time with him. It starts incredibly fun and harmless, the two of you genuinely enjoying each other’s company as the different songs blast through the walls of the bar. Your friends join in, the boys rapping along to every song and trying to act cool in front of you, Mina and the other girls surrounding the group. It’s a fun time; you laugh. You joke. You play around. Yeo throws his arm over you from time to time, admires you as you happily dance and sing along. You step out for a few water and bathroom breaks in between, and eventually, you and your friends are separated and spread across the room. Mingi, Keeho and Jungkook are finding themselves a few pretty girls to hang out with, while Mina is flirting away with one of the bartenders. You and Yeosang find yourselves falling deeper into the crowd, now in your own little world where you’re surrounded by strangers, but are focused on each other and each other only. At some point, you get pushed to the corner near the window from how packed the room has gotten over time. You don’t mind it though, because now, the energy between you and Yeosang has flipped to something more intense. More tension. More need. More desire. You’ve been dancing all up on him for the past hour or so, and he’s been enjoying every minute of it. 

He sits on the window sill, hands gripping on the edges with his legs spread— enough to make room for you in between, giving him the best view of you bending over and working your ass against him. He subtly bites onto his bottom lip when you get him at the best angles, his hand slowly snaking up to your hip to help guide you and keep up with the rhythm. You bring yourself up as you continue to dance on him, looking back to see the dazed expression on his face. You giggle a bit just as the song transitions into another, letting Yeosang wrap his arms around you and hold you close.

“Killing me.” He says in your ear, large hands resting on your thighs; if he travels any further, he’ll be right where you need him.

“Are you having fun?” You turn to him, arms wrapped around his neck. 

“Yeah, I am.” He gently squeezes at the back of your thighs, right beneath your ass. “Why, are you?”

“Yeah, but I kinda wanna get outta here.” Your eyes shift from his, down to his lips— back up to his brown orbs. He subtly bites onto his bottom lip and nods, face only inches away from yours. If he wasn’t mistaken, he sees the look in your eyes, and it’s on the same wavelength as his. He just needs to get you home, quick.

“Whatever you wanna do, love.” You giggle, finding the courage to plant a kiss on his lips. He doesn’t pull away though, no. He deepens the kiss, letting out a shaky exhale in between.

He’s having trouble composing himself and he’s afraid he won’t be able to anymore when he gets you alone.

“Let’s go.” You break away from the heated kiss, lips puffy from the contact. You grab his hand and navigate through the crowd, bidding Jungkook, Keeho and Mingi farewell as you two slip out of the party with ease. 

As you work to call a taxi, Yeosang instantly latches onto you— hands gripping at your waist from behind while he plants kisses along your jaw, neck. When the taxi finally comes, you slip in with a giggle, aching from the distance in the back seat of the car. Yeosang can’t take his eyes off of you, bringing a hand to your thigh to keep you close, to let you know how badly he wants you tonight.

Even when you finally arrive at your studio, Yeosang gives you some distance to fiddle through your keys and finally unlock the door. He should be given a gold medal for how cool and composed he’s keeping himself.

That is, until the door shuts.

You let out a squeal when you feel Yeosang tug on your wrist, pulling you against him to kiss you. The kiss is deep, and everything feels like it’s laid out on the table. No holding back, no restraints.

“Need you so badly.” He says in between his strong kisses, holding you closely by the waist while you wrap your arms around his neck. He slowly backs you towards the bed and pushes up against you, feeling how hard he is even through his jeans.

“You have me.”

“Are you sure about this? Do you have a condom?”

“I am.” You nod. “I am. More than sure. I’m on the pill.” You tug at the hem of his shirt. 

Sooner or later, clothes are being ripped off and tossed into every corner of the studio. You find yourself underneath Yeosang, biting onto your bottom lip when he pulls out his pretty cock and pumps himself a few times. He takes the tip and runs it down your folds, edging the tip right at your clit a few times to tease you. You let out a small whimper while Yeosang lets out a breathy moan.

“Sangie.” You beg, pleading through your look, for him to go further. He bites onto his bottom lip this time, smirking as he watches your face contort in pleasure when he slowly sinks himself into you. “Oh my god.” The stretch feels so, so good; Yeosang moving at a steady pace as he keeps your legs cocked open for him. He lets out a breath while rocking into you, shutting his eyes when he sees you beautifully laid out beneath him just to keep his composure for a second. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight. Wrap around me so well—” He barely finishes his sentence before he’s letting out a moan, enjoying the way you feel way too much. His body comes down to hover over yours slightly; just enough to hold his own weight but keep close to you. You moan into his mouth when he picks up the pace, thrusting into you a little rougher than the last time. But every single thrust, move, kiss is full of feeling, emotion. Full of lust. Desire. Passion.

“Oh shit.” Your moans are louder this time, echoing over the walls and surely blending into your neighbor’s. 

“Want you—” Yeosang whispers in your ear as he continues to thrust deep inside of you, letting you feel every inch of his length in all the right places. “Want you to be mine.” He gives off a breathy moan, biting onto your jaw, gently sucking onto your neck.

“I am yours.” You breathe out. 

“Yeah?” He sits back a bit, thumb now coming to your clit to continue pushing you over the edge. “Say it again, baby.”

“I’m yours.” 

“Louder.” He growls.

“I’m yours!” You mewl, hand grabbing at your tit while Yeosang fucks into you roughly; clit aching and coil threatening to snap. 

“That’s it.” He coos. “So good for me.” And it only takes a few more snaps of his hip, thumb still playing with your sensitive nub before you unravel underneath him. You cry in pleasure, body trembling as your orgasm washes over your body. “Can you ride me, princess? Wanna see you ride me.” He hisses, trying to keep himself together as you continue to feel the after-shocks of your orgasm, walls still squeezing him tightly. You oblige, switching positions and instantly sliding down his length. He lets out a loud groan, head falling back against the wall with hooded lids while he adjusts to the feeling. You waste no time finding a good pace, rocking back and forth on his cock— clit still feeling sensitive from your first orgasm. 

“Yeosang, fuck. Feel so full.”

“God damn.” He lets out another breathy moan, hands coming to your hips to guide you. “Just like that.” You pick up your pace, switching between bouncing on his dick to rolling your hips slowly, deeply. “Baby— close—” He pants, unable to compose himself any further. The friction against your clit feels too good that you find your second orgasm bubbling quickly, only taking a few more rolls against Yeosang for you to tip over the edge again. You still in your position while trembling in his grip, and Yeosang fucks up into you to chase his own high shortly afterwards. He releases his load into you, painting your walls white with his seed. You fall forward, lazily kissing him as you both try to bring yourselves back down from cloud nine and regulate your breathing. Yeosang coos you, hands coming up to rub your back and your sides while pressing gentle kisses to your skin. He praises you, telling you how well you did and how perfect you are for him. He gives you one last deep kiss before leading you into the bathroom to get washed up and cleaned up for bed. It’s a quick, sweet shower together; washing off the sweat from tonight’s activities before finishing up your bedtime routine and tossing new sheets onto the bed. 

You’ll get to the laundry tomorrow.

Yeosang pulls you onto your chest and cuddles you to sleep, humming along to the song now playing through your bluetooth speakers. It doesn’t take too long for Yeo to fall asleep after you, the exhaustion from tonight hitting him quickly. When morning comes, it’s a lot earlier than Yeosang expects. He was the last to fall asleep, but the first to wake, and he can thank his hard ass dick for that. He tries to shift in his position without waking you, but it’s no use. You’re tucked under his chin nicely while clinging onto him, pressed up to his body as closely as possible. The events from last night keep replaying in his head like a film strip. Now, he’s just fucking horny.

He squeezes at your hip before pressing kisses to your face, his gentle way of waking you up and showing his need. You begin to stir a bit when Yeosang whispers in your ear and tries to wake you up completely. He still has you wrapped in his arms, tucked underneath his chin. “Baby.” He whispers as he continues to softly kiss you on every place possible.

“Mhm?” Your eyes flutter open, and you catch on quick. Yeosang’s hands are roaming all over your sides, his hard dick pressed up against you to feel any friction. 

“I’m so hard.” He almost whines into your ear and it’s enough to get you going. “Want you right now.”

“You have me.”

“Yeah?” He gently nibbles on your earlobes, hand trailing down under his shirt you’re wearing to toy with your panties. “Is it okay if I do this, then?” He rubs at your clit through the material of your panties, feeling the wet patch already seeping through.

“Mhm.” You hum as Yeosang dips down to kiss you, thumb still caressing at your nub. It’s when the kiss deepens that he roughly tugs your panties off and does the same with his own boxer briefs. He doesn’t waste any time to position you right where he needs you; getting you to slightly lift your leg so he can slip in at the right angle. It happens quick, bearing in mind that you’re already wet and going from the way he had woken you up earlier. 

“God, you always feel too good.” He mutters against your lips. His hand holds up your leg as he continues to rock into you; back and forth. It’s slow and steady before he picks it up, cock hitting you in all the best spots from this position. 

“Shit, Sangie— fuck.” You whimper, hips lightly moving to match his rhythm. He lets out a loud groan when you start to do so, the feeling of your walls squeezing against him making it incredibly hard to last. You kiss him once more, lips lazily grazing over his jaw and neck. He hisses when he feels you messily kiss at the base of his neck and suck on the surface.

“You keep moving like that, I won’t last.” He huffs, beginning to rock into you at a rougher pace. The only sounds filling the room at this point are nothing short of pornographic; skin slapping against skin, loud moans and heavy breathing. “I’m close, baby. Cum with me.” You feel yourself tipping over the edge the more he begins to fuck into you at this position, only taking a few more thrusts before you’re yelling his name and digging your nails into his bicep from how hard it hits you; Yeosang reaching his own climax shortly after. 

“Kang Yeosang.” You breathe out, his lip lazily grazing your forehead.

“Mm, I like it when you call my name like that.”

“Shut up.” You laugh. “Guess no more sleep for us.”

“I mean, we can. We can just repeat the whole process entirely. I’m down for it.”

“You’re so full of shit.” You laugh, dragging him to the bathroom. “Let’s get up.” You drag him to wash up and get ready for the day, throwing on some high waisted shorts and a cropped tank top to match today’s heat. Yeosang’s ass decides to walk around shirtless and in sweats he had brought over, letting them hang on his hips so damn lowly.

“I have to do so much laundry, thanks to you.” Yeo laughs before taking a sip of water, still standing shirtless in your kitchen.

“Baby.” You hum in response as you load your laundry. “Let’s go on that bike ride you’ve been wanting to do after you’re done.”

“Really?” You smile and he nods.

“Mhm. Then we can go out to eat before cozying up tonight.”

“You’re the best.” You get the laundry going before jumping on him and giving him a kiss.

“Wanna go another round?”

“I hate you.” You laugh when Yeo smothers you in kisses, dropping you onto the bed to let him take care of you yet again. He can’t get enough of you.

You finally get to finishing and folding your laundry, all while Yeosang whips up some lunch and sets it on the coffee table for you two to enjoy. After, you take that bike ride with Yeosang down the coast; letting the breeze hit you as you bike down a good 2-3 miles before hopping off and taking pictures together. You take him to a good bbq spot nearby, drinking and feeding each other while enjoying deep conversations together. No topic ever feels dumb or silly around Yeosang, and you’re grateful he happily participates in the conversation regardless of what it is. The both of you laugh loudly and smile the entire time, enjoying each other’s sweet company as you’ve learned to do over these few weeks. It’s easy to admit that Yeosang has become your favorite person, and the best part of your days are now the ones spent with him. You’re positive there’s nothing else that comes close. Nothing. And as much as that makes you happy, it’s the same thing that terrifies you the most.

You hate thinking about it, but your time with Yeosang is coming to an end. He’d have his last few days before he’s heading back to the city, back to the life he’s used to living. Back to life without you? Because let’s face it— even if he wanted to continue your relationship, it wouldn’t feel the same as having him next to you every day. With the time left, you’re torn between making the most of it, or being torn up over it.

“Baby.” Yeosang tugs on your hand as he continues to lock his fingers with yours, trying his best to grab your attention.

“Huh?” He chuckles.

“Can hear you thinking.” You look down and kick at the rocks beneath your feet.

“You already know what it is.” He lets out a breath before he pauses in his steps, pulling you towards him. He brushes your hair back and gently lifts your chin; his touches all soft, tender.

“Hey. I know it’s easier said than done, but I really don’t want you to worry. As long as you’re willing to work with me through it, then we’ll be good.” He gives you a reassuring smile. “Okay? You’re in this with me, right?” You nod.

“But, Sangie—”

“No but’s.” He laughs when you whine about him not letting you finish your sentence. “Okay, okay. What is it?”

“Will you forget me?” Yeosang’s forehead pinches ever so slightly at the question, head tilting to the side as he reads into it. He can tell there’s sadness swirling in those beautiful eyes of yours, a forced smile creeping at the corner of your lips to downplay the sadness behind it. It breaks his heart that you’d even think that way, so he can’t help but cup your cheek and gently caress the surface.

“Why would you think that, baby? I would never.” He responds softly. “You know how much I want this, right? Despite the distance. Nothing about that will change.”

“Okay.” You respond softly. He lets out a small sigh before planting a kiss on your forehead and pulling you in for a tight hug. 

“We’re gonna be okay. As long as you’re with me.”

“I am.” You don’t even realize how pained and choked up you sound when you let the statement fall from your lips; it’s not that you were unsure about Yeosang. You could never be. Yeosang had to be the greatest blessing you have ever been granted with in this fucked up world. An unexpected blessing you weren’t even sure you deserved. How? You were unsure about yourself. How could you be the girl he needs, he deserves, if everyone else deemed you unworthy and useless?

“Then it’ll be fine.” He takes you to the sand and plops down onto the sand, asking for your hand as a way to ask you to join him. You sit next to him, holding onto his arm and resting your head on his shoulder as you look out to the ocean.

“Aren’t you gonna miss it?”

“I will. I’ll miss a lot of things.”

“Like what?” He smirks.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You whine a bit and pout, causing Yeosang to subtly bite onto his bottom lip to prevent himself from smiling too big.

“Yeosang.” You pout.

“I’ll miss you the most.” He presses a light kiss to the top of your head. “Here. Why don’t we plan something for the next time we see each other?” He shifts in his position to look at you a little better. “Wanna come to me in the city? You can stay at my place and you can meet my friends.” 

“Okay.” You giggle. “I can ask Jungkook for time off in the next 3 weeks or so?”

“Mhm.” He nods. “Just let me know what date works and I’ll clear everything out for you, love.” You smile and lean back onto his arm.

“Okay. And then?”

“Then, the next time, I’ll come down here. We can go back and forth until we figure out a better plan in the long term. Sound good?”

“Yeah, it does.”

“I know it sounds tiring right now, but I hope you know I’m willing to do it for you. No questions asked.” You continue to silently listen to the waves crashing against the sand in front of you. “I’ll do anything for you, Y/N. You made everything about coming here worth it.”

“I hope so.”

“You’re mine, yeah?” He asks and you nod against him before kissing him on the cheek. That night, Keeho, Mingi, Jungkook and Mina join for a tiny bonfire, a last hurrah of some sort for Yeo. You laugh seeing him enjoy one of his last moments with the boys, downing beers and singing along to the songs playing on Keeho’s mini bluetooth speakers. From time to time, Yeosang would dedicate his singing to you, playfully hug you from behind and try to smother your face in kisses. You and Mina took charge of snapping a few photos before taking a walk near the water, leaving the boys to trail behind as they fuck around and continue to loudly sing at the top of their lungs.

“So, what are you gonna do when Yeosang goes back? Did you two plan anything?” You nod as you continue to look at the sand beneath you.

“Yeah. I’m gonna ask Jungkook if I can take some time off to visit him.”

“That’s good.” She playfully nudges you. “He’s so sweet, Y/N. He really adores you, it’s so obvious how much he does. I’m glad his vacation brought you two together.”

“Yeah, unexpected things can be good, huh?” She laughs.

“Do you love him?”

“Is it too early to say so?” She shakes her head.

“Never. I think when two people instantly connect and build a connection like that, there is no such thing as too early.” You shrug.

“I just hope I can keep being good for him, you know? Can’t help but think about it. Our distance. Us being apart.”

“You’re good for each other. I can see it.” You shrug.

“He’s too good for me.”

“Stop it. Don’t start getting into your head, okay? He genuinely cares about you.”

“Yeah, I know.” You look at her with a small smile even though your head is already swirling with a million uncertainties— ones she won’t ever know about. “Gonna miss him a lot.”

“You two will get through this and make it work.” You gently bump arms with hers.

“Hope so.” 

“Baby!” Yeosang yells drunkly, coming to hug you from behind. “Baby.” He repeats against your head, giving you a sweet kiss to the cheek.

“Mhm?”

“I really, really like you.” He says near your ear. “You m-make me so happy. Like.. so fucking happy. I didn’t even expect it and truthfully, I kept telling myself I shouldn’t.” He goes on, making Mina giggle as she slowly steps back and lets you two have your space. “B-but I’m glad I just said fuck it because I—” He dips down to look at you in pure adoration and love. “You’re so pretty. God, you’re so pretty. I feel so fucking lucky.” 

“You’re drunk, Sangie.” You laugh and he hugs you tighter from behind, causing you to pause in your steps and sink into his hug a little more.

“Will not confirm nor deny.” You snort. “But, I still mean everything.”

“You’ve been too good to me. What did I do to deserve it?” You ask softly as you lean into his hug, the question mainly meant to stay in your head. Too late now, though.

“You didn’t have to do anything, love.” He snuggles against your neck and gently places a kiss on the surface. “You’re mine.”

“I am.” You bite onto your bottom lip before kissing his hand, unraveling yourself from his arms to hold his hand and walk alongside of him. Sooner or later, the boys decide they’re crashing from the beer and find it a good point to call it a night. They all give Yeosang a big hug before parting, Mina making sure they all make it home in one piece.

Though Yeosang is drunk, he’s able to walk to your apartment without making too much chaos. You find it incredibly endearing how clingy he seems to get while intoxicated, not able to keep his hands off of you the entire time walk home. Not that you were complaining or anything. It’s crazy because he can pick up on the mood shift, the change in the air, when you walk into the apartment. He can tell there’s something else in your eyes, in your look, your touch. You’re not sad, but you aren’t the happiest either. Quite frankly, you’re not sure how to pinpoint the exact feeling, but you’re finding the need to really make use of your time left with Yeosang. For the rest of the night, you just want to be with him. To kiss every inch, to keep him close. To love on him. You don’t say much as you continue to walk into your studio, quietly grabbing your pajamas before heading to the bathroom and asking Yeosang to join you for a quick shower. His eyes are still glazed over and slightly red, but he joins you anyway— undressing and tossing his clothes aside before stepping into the hot shower. 

Everything about the shower from start to finish is intimate; Yeosang starts off by helping shampoo and condition your hair, long fingers massaging deep into your scalp. You do the same with him, running your hands through his hair as you wash off the product, letting the water cascade down his features. The entire time, Yeosang tightens his grip on your hips, keeping you close even as you wash him off. He doesn’t waste a minute to kiss you, tongue lining your bottom lip as a subtle way to ask for permission— to take this further. As the kiss deepens, you gently tug on the hair resting on the nape of his neck, letting out small moans when you feel Yeosang’s hard length pressed against you. No words are exchanged, but both you and Yeosang transmitted every thought, every feeling, every ounce of pleasure, through your touches, your kisses. He gently backs you to the wall, lifting your leg up and holding it against him— careful not to break the kiss as he finds the perfect angle to tease your slit with his tip and slip himself inside of you. You moan into his mouth when he eases in, the stretch feeling so, so good under the running water.

“God, fuck.” Yeosang moans as he continues to thrust up into you, keeping a slow and steady pace. “So tight for me.”

“Keep going. Please.” You continue to plead for more, and who was Yeosang to deny you of that? He plunges deeper and gets a lil rougher, your back feeling the slight burn from the contact of the cold wall. Your moans are louder this time around, Yeosang continuing to pound into you to bring you to your high.

“I’ll give you everything.” He groans. “Wanna give you the world, baby.” He nibbles onto your earlobe, gently nibbling at your jaw, neck. You tug on the ends of his hair, slowly moving your hips to work with his rhythm. “Cum for me, hm?” He hums, free hand coming down to massage at your sensitive nub. His thumb works in deep, circular motions— at the perfect pace he knows you respond well to. You whine and beg for Yeosang to keep going, spilling out lewd noises as his cock hits you in all the right places, finally pushing you over the edge after a few more thrusts. Your moans echo and bounce off the bathroom walls, whimpering when he chases his own high. His movements become a little sloppy with the force he’s exerting, his own coil snapping within him not too long after you. He coats your walls, muffling his moans against your neck as he gives you every last drop;

Giving you every last bit of him.

“That was nice.” You tease with a giggle before giving him another sweet kiss to the lips.

“It was. We should definitely get cleaned up now.” You nod, letting Yeosang lather you up in some body wash in between kisses before you repeat the same on him. 

When you both finally step out of the shower and finish getting ready for bed, you immediately tuck yourself into Yeosang’s arms, indulging in his warmth and scent. You wish you could pause time and keep it here forever— in the warmest, safest spot you know. And Yeosang feels the same way, too. He wants to repeat the night over and over again, especially when he finds himself yearning for another round just to show you how much you nean to him; laying kisses all over your face, body, before he gets you on all fours and fucks into you like no tomorrow. Especially when you’re so, so good to him, begging and moaning his name like a mantra with every thrust. Especially when you submit to him and give him everything he asks of you. Especially when you tuck yourself into his arms again post-orgasm and cling onto him.

He softly sings a song as he watches you fall into sleep, brushing the hair away from your face to lay a kiss on your forehead. When he looks at you, everything feels right again. When he looks at you, he feels like he’s holding the universe in his arms, has the brightest stars swirling in his orbit. When he looks at you, he sees love. It’s the kind of love he’s never really felt before. One that just feels right, like it’s meant to be. Like he just knows.

“Goodnight, baby.” He whispers against your skin before pulling you closer and shutting his eyes, not wanting to spend a minute away from you.

The last morning comes, and you wish it hadn’t. But the day is here, and you’re forced to face it regardless if you like it or not. You weren’t sure where this would lead you, but now that you’re having to face it. You’re sad, and you’re wanting to hide. Even if Yeosang never had plans to hurt you in the first place. You know he could never hurt a soul; yet, it still didn’t stop you from having those thoughts, from overthinking, from letting your past run your present. The only thing you felt like you were good at at this point was running— running away as far as possible from problems and potential heartbreak.

Luckily, you’re alone this morning and you can cry about it. Yeosang left you alone to go on a run and it’s the perfect time to fucking cry over all of this. You cry about it without Yeosang having to know, you cry about it without any worry that he’d see you. Because you needed to. You needed to cry about it, and you needed to let your feelings out. You were gonna hate this. You were gonna be so sad without him. You might even feel a little regret for having fallen for someone who wasn’t meant to stick around. What if you couldn’t be it for him? What if he realized he couldn’t do this with you? What if he realized you weren’t worth it? What if you just couldn’t be the girl who could take care of him and treat him well in this distance? It all feels so sickening and so, so awful. You should’ve known that maybe, you just weren’t ready to face it. To face this. To be.. this.

You sob into your hands when every negative thought, every overbearing insecurity starts to fill your head— telling you this, telling you that. You weren’t sure what to do from here, and you weren’t sure how things would actually go with Yeosang being gone. It’s not that you didn’t have faith in him. You didn’t have faith in yourself, in your ability to be what Yeosang needed, to provide the love he so absolutely deserved. You didn’t know.

When you’ve cried all that you have left in you, you quickly pad to his bathroom and wash up— making sure to add a little cream to your extra sensitive spots around the eyes to help cover up the fact that you had been crying all morning. You change into the clothes you arrived in last night, cleaning around Yeosang’s studio and making his bed. You whip up a good breakfast, plating the food just as he walks through the door in his loose muscle tank and shorts; face still gleaming with sweat.

“Hey.” He quickly pecks you on the cheek, smiling at the breakfast you made. “Yum.” You giggle. “Let me go shower real quick and I’ll join you, okay? Thank you for the food.” He kisses you on the lips, smiling into the kiss before squeezing your ass and walking off to the bathroom.

Despite the crying, nothing else felt off that morning. At least, Yeosang didn’t pick up on anything, and he certainly couldn’t tell you had been crying while he was out. Though, he does pick up on how much sadder you look, and how much quieter you’ve been today compared to the rest of his time here. It does feel different, but pairing it with the circumstances, it wasn’t entirely unusual. After breakfast, you clean up the dishes and help Yeosang pack up all his things. It’s taking everything in you not to cry again, your heart shattering to pieces at the uncertainty you feel. Yeosang will never know, though. Cause as long as he’s still here, you’ll make sure he spends his time wisely so that he’s returning happy. Rested. Content. Complete. That’s all that matters right now.

You and Yeo take a quick walk to the convenience store to grab him some food for the road, Yeosang saying his goodbyes to the people he’s met and run into. You wish he could stay, maybe it would be easier. But, you’d never be that selfish to make him choose. He shouldn’t have to choose.

“Baby.” Yeosang calls for you, tugging you by the hand and pulling you close.

“Hm?” You hum while he brushes your hair back.

“You okay?” You pout a bit, but you shake your head.

“I will be.” He can see the tears welling in your eyes and he sucks on his teeth before hugging you tightly and pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“We’ll be okay.” He says softly. “Remember? We’re going to visit each other and I’ll come back here as soon as I can. It’s nothing a quick trip into town can’t fix.”

“I know. But, I’m just gonna miss you. A lot.”

“I’ll miss you, too. It’ll come before you know it.” You don’t respond because you’re not sure what else you can say at this point. You’re heartbroken and sad, and there’s nothing that can mask the feelings you’re experiencing at this moment.

Even the ride to the train station is quiet. You’ve opted to look out the window the entire time while holding his hand tightly. Jungkook lets you and Mingi stroll into work a little later today to tend to Yeosang, so Mingi’s in the driver’s seat. He chimes in a few times here and there, but otherwise, he keeps to himself. He does it because the few times he’s looked in the rear view mirror, he can hear you thinking. He can see the internal battle that’s going on, he can see you fighting yourself to stay collected. When on the inside, he knows you’ve already fallen apart.

“You have to come back, alright? We’ll miss you. We’ll wait for you to visit again.” Mingi says, pulling Yeosang into a hug before patting his back a few times and helping him with his luggage. Mingi steps away to give you two your moment, and all you do is throw your arms around Yeosang tightly. He whispers how much you mean to him and how much he’ll miss you against your head, telling you that he’ll wait for you to come to him and that he’ll always choose you. You look up at him and finally give him a few pecks to the lips, taking in every last bit of him before he goes.

“I love you.” He says lowly, and it makes you feel excited and sad at the same time to hear the words come out of his mouth.

“I love you, too.” You stick a few extra polaroids you’ve taken of him, the town, your friends and the both of you together in his jacket pocket before wrapping your arms around him tightly. It’s a hug that feels like the last time, and it shatters your heart into a million pieces knowing you won’t be able to do this tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. He leaves you with one last deep, passionate kiss. 

When his figure disappears into the station, you break down in Mingi’s arms, and he’s having to hold you, console you, for a good couple of minutes. He tries his best to coo you and calm you down, but he knows there’s nothing he can say or do to make this better at the moment. As much as he’d like to block you and save you from your own thoughts, he can’t. But, he holds you and holds you because it’s the best thing he can do as your friend right now.

“You’ll see him soon, things will fall into place again. Let’s get you home.” You quietly oblige, continuing to cry silently in the passenger’s seat once Mingi takes off and brings you home.

Yeosang hates it. He looks out the window of the train, watching the town drift away behind him. He feels his own tears pricking his bottom lids and he can’t help but quickly wipe away at it when the town gets further and further away. Separating from you was the worst thing he’s felt in awhile, even though he’ll see you soon. It’s just hard to have to go about his days without seeing you like he used to. It’ll be a big fucking adjustment.

He texts you during his train ride, checking in on you and making sure you’re okay. You don’t text him too quickly, and he suspects it’s because you’re having a hard time yourself. You do eventually respond though, and it puts a smile on his face that you still seem to be the same despite the circumstances.

“Look who’s back!” Wooyoung, Jongho and Chaerin stand there to welcome him back. He smiles at them, giving them all a big hug. It’s a big source of comfort for him right now.

“So, how was your trip?! Heard you were having a good ass time.” Jongho teases from the back seat, squeezing Yeosang’s shoulders. 

“We missed you.” Chaerin adds.

“I didn’t. I think that was just you.” Wooyoung teases and she flips him off.

“Fuck off Wooyoung.”

“I missed you guys, too. It was fun, though.”

“Tell us about Y/N.” Wooyoung smirks from the driver’s seat. “Do we get to meet her?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Yeosang smiles to himself at the thought of you before diving into the details of everything he’s done in town, all the people he met, Keeho, Mina, Jungkook and Mingi. They all grab dinner at a sushi spot in town, now giving Yeosang updates about what’s been going on at work and in their lives over the past month. Chaerin keeps close to him even though she’s torn about her feelings right now. Of course, she’s happy that Yeosang is happy. It’s all she wants. But, she won’t lie and say she’s okay because she’s not. Right now, she’ll push her feelings aside and welcome him home because she is glad to have him back. She knows he needs his friend more than anything. Overall, it’s a good dinner, and he’s happy to be back with his friends.

Afterwards, Wooyoung takes everyone home, bidding Yeosang farewell and telling him to sleep well before his first day back tomorrow. Yeosang lets out a sigh when he kicks off his shoes and sets his things aside. He immediately gets to showering before unpacking, neatly folding his clothes back into his closet unless he’s tossing them into his hamper. He looks around his empty apartment, grabbing a cold glass of water to drink before shutting off the lights. Settling at home feels.. weird, to say the least. Home is still home, and he finds comfort in that. But, home doesn’t feel as complete without you. 

He pads over to his room and finishes tidying up the last bit of his things before getting his clothes ready for tomorrow. He digs into his jacket hanging on his chair, pulling out the shell you gifted him earlier in the month and the polaroids you stuck into his pocket. He sets them down on the nightstand next to his bed, smiling to himself when he quickly flips through them. It’ll be a nice ‘lil reminder when he needs it the most, so he keeps it there. When he settles in bed, he grabs his phone to read your latest texts. He gets distracted and smiles when he sees your picture as his lockscreen, his numbers finding his way to your contact information and pressing the call button.

“Hey you.” He bites his lip hearing your voice on the other line.

“Hey baby.”

“Finished with your dinner?”

“Mhm. It was nice.”

“You tipsy, huh?” You giggle and it makes him crack an even bigger smile.

“Kinda, yeah. I miss you, pretty.”

“I miss you too, Sangie. I’m glad dinner was good. I’m sure your friends are happy to have you back.”

“Mm, they’re okay. How’s everything there?”

“Good. I just got home not too long ago from the restaurant. Trying to keep myself as busy as possible.” He lets out a breath, throwing his hand behind his head.

“I get that.”

“You ready to head back to work tomorrow?”

“Sheesh, hell no.” He laughs. “But, it was a good month away so I can’t really complain.”

“It’ll be fine, love.” You say softly and Yeosang’s heart soars; he can almost feel his heart ready to burst out of his chest.

“Mmyeah.”

“You should go to sleep.”

“Only if you come with.” You laugh. 

“Well, I am in bed. Can we fall asleep on the phone together?”

“Of course. I’ll probably be up early, though.”

“That’s fine. I know you’ll hang up and leave me for work.”

“Baby.” Yeosang kinda whines and you laugh a little louder.

“Kidding. I know, I know.”

“I can’t wait until I see you already.” Yeosang says sleepily, turning to his side as he plugs his phone into the charger.

“Same.”

“Damn.” Yeosang groans a bit, eyes getting heavy. “Fucking hate sleeping without you.”

“Go to sleep, tipsy.”

“I love you, Y/N.” You pause, swallowing the lump in your throat as you let his words marinate.

“I love you, too.” You respond, barely above a whisper. “Sleep well, Yeosang.”

The first day Yeosang steps back into the office, he’s greeted by a couple of people that are happy to have him back. Everyone compliments on the glow he’s sporting and how happy and refreshed he seems to be. He can’t help but shyly laugh about it, a red tint coloring his cheeks when he tells them he’s had a good time and that he might’ve met someone really special there. He sets his things down onto his desk, fixing up a few things before he heads towards the kitchen with his mug in hand. There are a few interns sitting in one of the main conference rooms, and Yeosang is able to get a good look at them on his way to the kitchen. They all look fairly young, as if they had just graduated. One sits at the far corner in a loose grey button up shirt tucked into his slacks, black frames sitting on his face. He gives Yeosang a tight-lipped smile when they accidentally make contact, making Yeosang give him a curt nod in response. 

“Hella interns.” Wooyoung throws his arm around Yeosang as they continue to walk to the kitchen. 

“Do we have one?”

“No. I think most of them are in R&D. Operations. A select few in marketing and media.”

“Cool.”

“So, when exactly are we going to meet Y/N?”

“She’s gonna come down in a few weeks.” He glares at Woo. “When she does, please don’t be all up in her space.” 

“Why not?” Woo laughs loudly. “I’m sure we’ll get along fine.” He smiles widely at his bestfriend. “Fucking champ, look at you. Not only did you get some, but you also got a girlfriend out of it.” Yeo nudges him in the chest as he grabs a cup of coffee.

“The hell is wrong with you, seriously.”

“She’s cute.” Wooyoung smiles as he picks up Yeosang’s phone resting on the counter. “Is Mina single?” Yeosang snatches the phone out of his grip and rolls his eyes.

As for the rest of the day, it goes by as normally as possible. Yeosang falls back into his routine quickly; the only change now being that he’s carved out time to talk to you on the phone or facetime you. All the things he does in a day, he does it with you in mind— he takes pictures to send to you and vice versa, he thinks of little things he can buy for you and surprise you with later. He cooks himself a good meal or two he imagines you’d like. So despite falling back into his usual routine, it’s more exciting this time around because he has you.

Over the days, weeks, leading up to the day he’d see you again, you were good about answering his calls and his texts. You’d send him pictures of yourself, or with your friends and he’d do the same. Sometimes, you’d send him the nastiest nudes and he wouldn’t know how to act, spending some hours late at night having phone sex with you, yearning for every inch of you. Everything made it easier to cope with the distance; every conversation feeling like the first. 

But as time got closer to the day you’d come down to visit him, you’d gotten busier. He didn’t think much of it, knowing you were always so cooped up at the restaurant or shelter. It did make him sad, especially when it’d be hours on end and he’d barely hear from you, or when you’d tell him you were too tired to talk for long. Still, Yeosang didn’t think anything was wrong. He couldn’t think anything was wrong because there wasn’t any telling sign that could point to a particular problem besides you being tired. He trusted you, though. He remained patient. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he shouldn’t have, maybe he should’ve pressed a little harder to keep your attention. Yeosang wishes he can rewind time— rewind time to when things felt perfect, when things felt so good and so new. So fresh. So beautiful. Especially when the day comes that he gets to see you again. Or so, he thought.

He wakes up to a rather early ‘goodmorning’ text from you, but that’s all there is to it. He sends a quick ‘can’t wait to see you’ in response before scrambling to get up and get ready for work. Despite being a few minutes late, he’s still happily walking around the office. He greets a few people goodmorning, which is a bit out of character for him, but he smiles it off anyway. Grabs his usual cup of coffee while running into a few of the new interns and carries on with his day.

“Is she coming?!” Jongho pops up at Yeosang’s desk while he’s deep into his pile of work, trying to get it all knocked out of the way so he can stroll up out of here sooner than later.

“Mhm! She should be on the way.”

“Dude, fuck work? Get outta here and get ready to see your girl.” Yeosang shakes his head and laughs. “You should’ve called in sick.”

“Yeah, cause they’d definitely let me do that after taking a whole month off.” Yeosang sighs. “All good, I’m almost done here anyway.”

“What’re you gonna do tonight?”

“Take her out for dinner, maybe catch a movie at the theater?”

“Cute. How long is she gonna stay for?”

“A week?”

“Then you’ll go back to see her a few weeks after?” Yeosang nods. “Damn. What about later on in the future? Have you guys discussed that far?” 

“No. But, we will. We’ll figure it out.”

“Let’s plan dinner with her tomorrow or something. Definitely before she leaves.” Yeo nods.

“Yeah, I’ll let her know. She said she really wants to meet you guys.”

“Never seen you this sappy before. Shit is crazy.” Jongho teases before Yeo playfully throws punches his way that he blocks.

Once Yeosang finishes up with work, he waves to his friends and hurries out of the building to make it to the flower shop before it closes.  He grabs a fresh, colorful bouquet, bringing it to his nose before smiling contently— imagining that pretty smile of yours, hearing that cute giggle of yours ringing in the air. 

It had been too long, and Yeosang couldn’t wait to have you back in his arms.

He checks his watch and realizes he’ll be running a few minutes late if he doesn’t hurry and book it to the meeting spot you two had agreed on earlier in the week. He quickly sends you a text to let you know he’s on his way to the spot and shoves his phone into his pocket without giving it a second look. Yeosang picked a spot that wasn’t entirely far from work and right next to a restaurant he made reservations for tonight. At the end of the bridge that joins two streets together, he’d hopefully find you there.

❊ FLASHBACK

“Did you get the link I just sent you?” Yeosang asks on the phone, and you pull up the address to the restaurant he forwarded.

“Mhm! I should go here?”

“Tell the taxi to drop you off across the street, there’s a passenger drop-off area. The restaurant is on the other side of the bridge. I’ll be there.”

“Okay.

“I’m sorry I can’t pick you up at the station, love.” He says defeatedly. “I’m just getting out of work at that time.”

“That’s okay, I can make my way around like a big girl.” You laugh. 

“Can’t wait to kiss you and hold you again.”

“I can’t wait either.”

❊ END

He gets there and he’s half-relieved you haven’t arrived yet, or else he would’ve felt terrible for making you wait. He brushes himself off a bit, holding the bouquet close to his chest while he waits; scanning the surroundings for any sign of you. Everytime he catches sight of a taxi dropping off passengers across the street, he holds his breath; both nervous and excited to see your face after weeks of seeing you solely over the phone. But, nothing.

He looks down at his watch and realizes 15 minutes have passed, and they have been the longest 15 minutes he’s known to ever endure. He’s slightly worried as to why you haven’t arrived yet, dumbing it down to the fact that maybe your train was late. Or, that there was a ton of traffic on the way over [since it is rush hour time]. He waits. And he waits. 

15 minutes turns into 30, and Yeosang finds himself sitting on a bench when it nears 45 minutes. The little light of hope he once had was quickly diminishing; his heart breaking, crumbling to pieces. Those sharp edges cutting into him deep, making him feel sick to his stomach as he sets the bouquet down on the floor when it reaches the hour mark. You weren’t here. You weren’t ever going to be here.

Even though he continues to wait, pulling his phone in and out of his pocket to check if he somehow missed you, missed a call, a text. It’s then that he realizes the text never even went through, that your number was no longer a blue bubble, but green. He feels his hands trembling, lips releasing a shaky breath he had been holding onto; the only thing he’s had left in him. Because he loved you, and he still does, even though tonight showed that maybe, you didn’t feel the same. And what hurts the most for Yeosang is that he’s not sure if you ever did because clearly, you were never his.

❊ taglist: @asjkdk @bintificreads @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

---

vivrant thing (jwy) | four.

—SPOTIFY PLAYLIST / SERIES MASTERLIST

—SUMMARY: after getting into a little accident, wooyoung decides to do his sister a favor by pretending to be your date at the company summer party. as soon as the night ends, wooyoung would go back to his usual routine of hanging out with his boys, keeping his distance from committed relationships and being a typical brother to jiwoo. except, the favor comes with more than what wooyoung expects and he finds you occupying his mind more than usual. 

—PAIRING: jung wooyoung x f. reader

—GENRE: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriend’s brother au | fluff, angst, smut

—WORD COUNT: 6.2k

—CHAPTER CONTENT / WARNINGS: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, angst angst angst, accusations are being thrown, jiwoo is mean, wooyoung is angry, hongjoong tryna play peacemaker, oc is sad, crying, its kinda a mess??, some insecurities coming to surface, mentions of past relationships and wooyoung's fuckboy history

One thing you also don't expect at Jiwoo's family lunch is how incredibly tense and awkward you and Wooyoung are. Maybe you need to wake up a little more and sit with your reality, but you surely hate the feeling it brings. It's almost obvious how you both freeze at the sight of each other, the both of you trying your hardest to keep it together but avoid eye contact.

Wooyoung's first mistake was keeping you [somewhat] at a distance after the party. Truthfully, he was scared as he sorted through his thoughts— not really sure how to make sense of any of it. Even though, he knew deep down that he did have newfound feelings for you and it wasn't something he could ignore. It wasn't like anything he's felt before, and he knew it'd only grow despite him trying to push it aside to buy him more time.

Wooyoung's second mistake was leaving you that morning without saying much afterwards. Leaving you and him in limbo. Though, this was the one core moment when he could honestly and truthfully say his feelings grew for you. He was locked in, and there was no going back. He should've told you right then and there instead of making you feel like one of them.

One of his hookups, his tap-n-dash's, his toot-it-n-boot-it's. 

You were not that. He meant every word he said to you that night, and he should've fucking told you. Now, he's stuck with not knowing how to do it after some time has passed.

—FLASHBACK

Wooyoung's eyes flutter open to the sun beaming into your studio, causing him to squint and shift a bit in his position. He tries not move too much when he realizes your back is pressed against him, and he's got an arm around you. Luckily, the movements don't wake you and Wooyoung can't help but smile to himself at how tired you seem to be. He snuggles against you for a few more minutes, giving you tiny kisses on your shoulder, the back of your head. His hand gives your side a soft squeeze, and he finds that this is how he'd like to wake up every morning.

With you, in particular.

But as equally as the thought is exciting, it is also frightening. Because every moment seems to make this more and more real and he's not sure how to act. So, he freezes. Those 'few more minutes' are suddenly over, and he's slipping himself out of your bed gently. He needs time to figure out what to say and how to say it without sounding like an idiot. He slips into his clothes and finds a stack of post-its nearby, scribbling a quick note to leave on your nighstand to at least let you know he's thinking about you. He is, he truly is. He doesn't wanna rip himself off you, but he has to cause he needs time—

morning cute stuff! text me when you wake up. had to run off cause im shy and don't want you to see my morning face lol jk need to meet up with san for a workout. talk to you later! hope you slept well :)

Which, isn't entirely a lie. He does need to meet San for a workout, it's just hours later.

He darts out anyway, giving your door one last look before he heads to his car and begins his journey home. When you wake about 15 minutes after he leaves, your heart drops when you realize Wooyoung isn't behind you anymore. You were giving him the benefit of the doubt, thinking he might be locked away in the bathroom.

But, nothing.

His clothes are gone.

Wooyoung is gone.

And although the note leaves a small smile on your face, you can't ignore the way your chest tightens knowing he left in somewhat of a hurry; at least, before you could wake up. Was it because this was always how Wooyoung was? Did he really mean everything he said last night?

Or were you just like them?

The thoughts don't make it any easier on you, and you've swallowed the lump in your throat in an attempt to push the tears back. You can't help but feel hurt despite knowing how Wooyoung was. You weren't any different, and you shouldn't have relied on that. You shouldn't have gotten so comfortable, you shouldn't have opened up to him the way you did.

You were a favor to Wooyoung, nothing more, nothing less.

jiwoo: goodmorning to my baby!!!

jiwoo: sorry i didnt text you last night after dinner, we can catch up later!

jiwoo: come with me to my family lunch tomorrow? we can have a girls day after since i feel like its been so long

jiwoo: we can get our nails done and go shopping then just cry over our favorite movies!!

Then, the reality hits you even more. You're gonna have to tell Jiwoo what happened because even if you try to hide it, you're terrible at lying and Jiwoo will catch on eventually. She'll know something has changed, she'll know something has hurt you.

And you're not ready to tell her it's her own brother.

you: okay 😌 i'm down for lunch and a girls day tomorrow. i need it.

jiwoo: okay, yay! 💕 me too!! i'll pick you up around 11:30 tomorrow.

you: sounds good.

—END

"The most important people have arrived! Sorry to worry you guys. It was kinda traffic." Jiwoo says, greeting her family and San.

"No one asked." Wooyoung glares at her before making a face while she hugs him tightly. "Get off." He whines when she doesn't pry her arms around her brother right away, making her giggle mischievously. When she finally lets go and moves onto San, Wooyoung shifts his attention to you.

"Hey Y/N." He says with a pursed smile, bringing you in for a one-armed hug that feels forced and too stiff.

"Hi." You softly respond, avoiding all eye contact. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. You didn't end up texting him that morning. As much as you wanted to, you didn't wanna look sad and desperate even though you longed for Wooyoung's company. You spent time with your grandpa to get your mind off of it, but it was difficult. He didn't take the chance to text you either, so that told you more than you needed to know.

Sometimes silence can be the most deafening.

You scurry along to say hello to San before greeting their parents, back to hiding behind Jiwoo as you all wait to be seated.

"Where's Hongjoong?"

"Not here because it's a girls day after this." Jiwoo links her arm with yours as she follows her parents into the restaurant when they're called, Wooyoung and San following behind.

"Girls day? What are you ladies doing afterwards?" Their father asks as all of you settle at a round table. You fall in between Wooyoung and Jiwoo, of course, and you almost wanna tell his sister to switch just for your own sake.

But, you don't. You suck it up. 

You sit. He sits.

It's quiet.

Wooyoung grabs chopsticks from the center container and passes them out to his parents, San, then you and Jiwoo. He doesn't really say anything else, he can't really look at you just like you can't with him.

And all of this is so awkward for no reason.

Well, there are reasons, but it doesn't have to be this way and Wooyoung is constantly calling himself dumb for creating this divide, this distance. For making you feel this way. All he wants to do is hug you, kiss you a few times, hold your hand. Be all cute with you.

He's an idiot.

"Gonna get our nails done and go shop."

"I'm surprised Yeosang didn't come." Wooyoung pauses as he's skimming through the dim sum menu, hoping you don't catch the way his jaw slightly clenches. How he almost rolls his eyes at the sound of his name. He doesn't have a reason to dislike Yeosang at all, but he finds himself getting irked knowing that Yeosang has feelings for you. He shouldn't, though. He can't claim you like that, especially if he's being dumb and not knowing how to be upfront about his feelings properly.

"Oh, no. That probably won't happen for awhile." Jiwoo says.

"Aw, why not? Is he just busy nowadays?"

"Busy sulking." Jiwoo mutters playfully. "Didn't snag the girl of his dreams." She teases you and you roll your eyes.

"Stop that."

"He'll live." Wooyoung adds nonchalantly while him and San check off items on the list, and Jiwoo doesn't even bat an eye at the comment.

"What happened?" San whispers to Wooyoung and he furrows his brows at him. "Did Yeosang ask Y/N out or something?" But before Wooyoung can respond, his mom cuts in with the same question—

"Aw, no! Did he ask you out?" At this point, the waitress brings water and a kettle full of hot barley tea.

"Yeah, but we just decided to stay friends." You look at her so innocently Wooyoung can't fucking take it. Jesus Christ. Kinda reminds him of the other night.

"We, more like you." Jiwoo teases and you glare at her.

"Well, she was honest and I'm sure he appreciated it." Their father chimes in. "You don't ever wanna force anything, that's the number one rule." 

"If he truly values you and respects you as one of his good friends, he'll understand and won't treat you differently from before." Their mom adds. 

"That'll be awkward for them." San says lowly to Wooyoung just as he hands the checklist off to the waitress in passing.

"He's a grown ass man, he'll get over it. You win some, you lose some." San furrows his brows at Wooyoung's reaction. He truly can't help but notice that his bestfriend has been on edge ever since you and Jiwoo came. He's not sure he's ever seen Wooyoung so awkward and.. weird. And he knows you're pretty shy, but you're also acting very weird and.. avoidant?

"I guess so." Is all San says.

"Is there someone else?" Wooyoung almost chokes on his water. The heat instantly rises to your cheeks and you feel somewhat suffocated from the question alone. "Jesus, Wooyoung. I told you to drink slowly." Their mom adds. 

"Mother chismosa. All up in her business." Jiwoo laughs at Wooyoung's response.

"I'm just wondering! She's like my baby, too." She furrows her brows at her son before returning to you with a smile on her face. 

"Oh, um. No. There's no one else." You pause, missing the way Wooyoung is looking at you through his peripherals. "Just thought we're better off that way."

"I see. Well, you know Y/N, the right person will come in time. Don't rush it."

"Sometimes, I wish Wooyoung could find a nice girl like you." His dad chimes in. "He is a pain in the ass, though."

"I'm sorry, I'm confused. Did we gather around over some dim sum just to get on my ass? Did I miss the agenda?" Jiwoo and San snicker.

"Stop it, you're making him embarrassed." Their mom shifts her attention back to you. "Y/N, anyway. How's Papa been?" Jiwoo pours you more tea to drink.

"He's been okay. I spent the day with him yesterday. He hasn't been feeling the greatest, though."

"Oh? Is he sick?" You shrug.

"He seemed to be fine yesterday. He just says he's more tired lately, been feeling this on-and-off dull pain in his lower back. I told him we should go to the hospital, but he doesn't think it's a big deal. He thinks he just needs to keep exercising and stretching properly."

"I see. Otherwise he's been okay?"

"Mhm." You give their parents a small, toothless smile, tugging your turtleneck sweater up when you feel everyone's eyes on you for a second. "He's the same." Underneath the material are the little marks Wooyoung left, and they've barely started to fade away.

"That's good to hear. Please bring him by soon, we'd love to see him again." You nod.

"Girl, aren't you hot wearing that turtleneck?" Jiwoo tugs on the material and you kinda shimmy away from her grip.

"No, I'm okay."

"Is it just me then? Am I getting hot flashes already?" Her mom clicks her teeth and tells her to stop being so dramatic. At this point, the food is rolled in and placed on the table like a game of tetris. Everyone automatically digs in, passing food along until everyone's satisfied with their first serving. Usually by now, Wooyoung has at least teased you one way or another, cracked a joke or poked fun at you. That's how he typically is with you. Today, you're seeing a very different side of him, and you're not sure what you did wrong.

When you finish your food, you try to reach over for another piece of dimsum but it's a little further out than expected. Suddenly, Wooyoung grabs a few pieces and places it on your plate— still not making any eye contact with you.

He's so confusing.

You're not sure if you want it to be like this.

You quickly decide that you don't. You don't want to be this way with someone, you don't want someone to ever be unsure of you. You don't want someone to make you feel the slightest bit of doubt. Which, is crazy to think about. Because Yeosang could've been that person, but you were too busy wanting Wooyoung. You were too busy having feelings for Wooyoung, and even though you still feel guilty about the whole thing with Yeo, there was no way you could've forced yourself to feel a certain way.

Wishful thinking, perhaps?

At least, now you know, and you'll never allow yourself to do that shit ever again.

You continue to eat and engage in small conversation with Jiwoo and her parents, Wooyoung and San mostly in their own world together off to the side. He was seemed to be fine with San, and you don't know if you made it worse for you. You tried to push it to the back of your head, trying to tell yourself that you shouldn't feel this way. That you didn't need to be so hung up over Wooyoung. That you didn't do anything wrong.

Still hurts, though. You wonder if he'll ever talk to you again or bring it up.

When lunch is over, their parents pay for the bill and leave a hefty tip, passing out the little candies that were brought over with the receipt. Jiwoo quickly shuffles you away, thanking her parents for lunch before taking you down the street to a popular nail shop for your appointments. 

The nail shop is as busy as it gets on a Sunday, but you don't wait long before you and Jiwoo are seated at the spa chairs for the pedicures. Jiwoo starts to tell you about how her and Hongjoong are going on a last minute trip to Japan and that you were welcome to come along if you wanted. You've gone on little trips with Jiwoo and Hongjoong before, and they've never made you feel like a third wheel. But, you wonder when you'd get to go on trips with your own special someone, your person.

Would this change things in the future? When Jiwoo and her family invite you on their trips?

Would this change everything?

It makes you feel like you really should've thought about your decisions before letting things escalate that night. Everything feels like a hard ass lesson, and you hate it. Everything is reminding you of your recklessness, of how you relied so much on the way Wooyoung treated you at the party. You can't say you regret it though, but it's starting to feel like a mistake.

When you politely decline and tell her to have fun with her boyfriend, another tech comes to work on your hands, beginning your gel manicure while the other tech continues with your pedicure.

"Has Yeosang texted you?" You shake your head.

"No." You sigh. "We probably won't be the same for a bit. He did say he needed time."

"I'm sorry." Jiwoo looks at you with a small pout. "He'll be okay, though. I know he cares about you regardless."

"And I care about him, too. I just want us to be okay."

"Are you sure you don't wanna come with us? Leave this place for a few days. Work won't care if we're both off last minute, we have enough team members to cover." You chuckle.

"I'm good. Promise."

"What do you wanna do after? Should we shop, then pick up some takeout so we can watch our movies?"

"Sure. I do need to buy some new clothes. I haven't spoiled myself in a bit." She gasps dramatically.

"Same."

"You went shopping when we bought our dresses."

"And that was awhile ago." She shrugs. "I'm on the lookout for this thick zip-up jacket. My brother has one and I keep taking it from him. He keeps getting mad." You don't respond. "I hate to say it, but Wooyoung has taste. Sometimes."

"Hm." You hum.

"Did you notice Wooyoung being all quiet today? It's not like him."

"I guess so."

"Well, he was quieter than usual. It's so unlike him."

"Why don't you ask?"

"Because my brother won't say a thing. I could tell him all my problems, but he won't tell me most of his. You know this. I dunno if it's some kinda façade or front to maintain this strong, older brother image. I know things bother him, but I also know a lot of things don't. It's difficult to read him." Ain't that so, you think. He is terribly hard to read.

"Do you think it's over a girl?" You awkwardly ask, looking to see what her reaction is.

"Wooyoung sulking over a girl? I doubt it. I haven't seen him do that since him and his exes broke up, and that was years ago. I'm convinced stuff like this isn't worth it to Wooyoung anymore. I haven't seen him be different around anyone."

"Oh." 

"Yeah, well. Whatever. I'm sure he'll get over it."

"Yeah, I think so." You respond softly, which Jiwoo kinda catches on. She sees how quiet you've gotten and how you've managed to hide back in your shell— you probably tried not to make it so obvious, but as your bestfriend, it's easy to pick up on your switches, too.

It is a little odd, but she won't bother. She just wants to have a good girls day with you.

After the nail appointment, the both of you make your way down to the biggest mall in town to shop, especially for her trip. You find a few new outfits, one you can't wait to wear out and flaunt. Wooyoung briefly comes to mind, but you shake it off and correct yourself— because no, you're excited to wear and flaunt the new outfits for yourself. 

No one else.

You were genuinely happy for the first time today. You felt good about yourself.

Until tonight comes, and all of that goes out the window rather quickly.

When you get back to Jiwoo's apartment, the both of you are pretty exhausted from the long day being out and about. It's a little past 6pm when you drag yourselves in. You take a quick shower and wind down for the evening, changing into comfier clothes that you've packed in case you wanted to spend the night at Jiwoo's. You lay out the food on the living room coffee table while Jiwoo takes her shower. You've already decided on a lineup of movies tonight: Brown Sugar, The Wood, Love and Basketball. As you wait for Jiwoo to be finished, you scroll through your phone to see if there's been any new updates, new texts.

Nothing.

Though, you've noticed Wooyoung has posted on his Instagram story. You're not usually one to peep, but you are curious; you can't help yourself. For the most part, they're just random photos of the city, San. There are two photos that do catch your eye and you're not sure if Wooyoung meant to post this for a particular reason or just cause. The first photo that catches your eye is an old vintage poster of Spirited Away. It's alongside other vintage Studio Ghibli posters, but he posted this one in particular. The second photo is of the view. You remember that Wooyoung goes there to clear his mind. You wonder if San tagged along.

"What a day!" Jiwoo comes out of the bathroom, hair still damp. She rushes over and plops next to you on the floor in front of the coffee table and TV, sending Hongjoong a quick text. "Ready, babe?"

"Mhm." You nod, the both of you popping your lids to your bowls open as the movie begins. "Thank you for today."

"Of course, are you kidding?! I love a good girls day with my bestfriend." She smiles at you, digging into her food. You swallow the lump in your throat when the truth settles in the pit of your stomach, almost making you lose your appetite completely. She gives your arm a good squeeze. She's so happy— you can't believe you're gonna be the reason why all of that changes. You needed to be honest with her, if not yourself. 

Because what happened, happened. There was no going back to change it.

You give it a good hour or so, making sure the both of you have finished your food and are satisfied while you sit in your thoughts and determine it's probably a good time to talk to Jiwoo about everything. The night has settled, the climax of the movie has passed. You don't wanna wait too long, and you feel like you shouldn't; somehow hoping it'll lessen the damage, lessen the blow.

"Jiwoo." You poke her arm softly.

"Yeah?"

"Can we talk?"

"Sure, of course." She looks at you with concern, pausing the movie. "What's up, babe?"

"You know the other night, when I had dinner with Yeosang?"

"Mhm."

"There were other things I didn't get around to telling you."

"Did something else happen with him?" You look at her and you already feel the impending breakdown ready to take over in about 0.5 seconds.

"N-no. Not Yeosang." You physically shrink as you try to gain the courage to continue on.

"Huh?" Silence. "What is it, Y/N? What're you hiding from me?"

"I-I—" You feel tears welling up in your eyes. "Your brother. I meant to text you while I was drinking at the convenience store, but I accidentally texted your brother. He ended up swinging by and he walked me back home. A-and—" You pause, tears now slowly streaming down your cheeks and they seem to keep coming even with you constantly wiping them away.

"And, what?" Quite frankly, she knows where this is going. Jiwoo just doesn't wanna believe it. But, she has no choice when you hit her with the:

"We hung out for awhile, and things went further."

"Further as in?" You start to cry a little more. "Further as in.. what, Y/N?"

"Things just escalated so quickly, I'm—"

"Escalated? Did you sleep with my brother?" She's in utter disbelief and her tone says it all. She doesn't even need to hear a verbal response from you because your face completely gives it away.

"Jiwoo, I'm sorry. Things just happened and—"

"My brother? Out of all people? Was that why you were so quiet today?" More silence. "Y/N, what were you thinking?! He's no good for you! All he's gonna do is hurt you like he does with every girl that gets tangled up with him. He doesn't care, he's—" She stands as she keeps going, but you aren't hanging onto one word she's saying. You just wanna get this over with, you just wanna get away. You don't wanna hear what you already know. It's your fault; she told you so. You should've known.

"Jiwoo." You plead with your eyes, hoping she stops. It doesn't make anything better, and you feel like a child getting scolded.

"What did he say to you?" She pauses. "What did he say to you? Did he say some sweet shit to get into your pants or what? Were you really that naive?"

"Jiwoo, enough. Please." You cry. "He didn't have to say anything to me, things just happened and it wasn't just Wooyoung. I played a part in this, too." You're not really sure why you're explaining it the way that you are, but you feel as if you have no choice at this point.

"Yeah." She says, almost mockingly. "So, what now? Has he even talked to you after that?" You shake your head pathetically and your tears fall even more. "Exactly, I thought so. Because that's who he is, Y/N. I thought you knew that! He's not gonna change. Now you're here crying over him like the rest of them usually do!" You cry harder, feeling like you're about to be shoved in a corner for timeout. "You can't tell me you actually have feelings for him." She scoffs.

"I'm sorry." Is all you say. What you're sorry for, you're not sure. For yourself? For how things quickly unfolded? For having feelings for her brother?

All of the above?

"Did he even tell you he had feelings for you? Did he tell you anything before he ran off and got what he wanted from you?" You shake your head. "Unbelievable." She grabs her keys and her purse. "You should go."

"I'm sorry. I thought—"

"Please, Y/N. I need some time to process this."

"Where are you going?"

"To my brother's. Quite frankly, I can't look at the both of you right now, but I need to talk to him." You shake your head.

"It's not gonna change anything."

"It's not, but he also deserves to hear it since you're here crying in my living room about it." She furrows her brows in deep disappointment before giving you one last look. "Thought you knew better than that." She turns on her heel and leaves you in her living room. You cry, and you cry. You cry that you don't even know what you're crying over, what you're feeling hurt over.

You cry because one bestfriend is mad at you, and the other bestfriend needs his time away from you.

You cry because you have feelings for Wooyoung.

You cry because you feel so naive and stupid for admitting it, for going along with everything.

Were you wrong for feeling the way you do over him?

You quietly clean up and gather your things, sadly throwing the duffle bag over your shoulder as you lock her door from the inside and walk out. Your head hangs low when you start to walk to the nearest bus stop, taking the long way back home so that you can clear your mind and stop by Papa's apartment on the way over. Honestly, you don't blame Jiwoo for acting the way she did. You knew she was very protective of you, and you knew she was coming from a good place. You kinda just wish everything went down a little differently.

So, you continue quietly. Tears streaming down. Phone tucked away and on silent. Shutting down and ignoring the rest of the world like you always do when things go awry.

"Baby, don't you think you should just simmer down first before talking to your brother?" Hongjoong says over the bluetooth in her car.

"Simmer down for what? I can't believe he'd do that to her."

"Well, you don't really know if he actually had bad intentions. It does take two to tango. You ever think maybe, he's always had it for her and just never realized until he had to be her date? He probably needed the time. I don't think Wooyoung would mess around with Y/N like that."

"Kim Hongjoong. Aren't you supposed to be on my team right now?"

"I am, that's why I'm trying to tell you this is probably not a good idea."

"He was wrong, okay! She's naive, he knows that." She groans, causing Hongjoong to sigh.

"There were better ways to go about it, sure. I just don't think he's intentionally trying to hurt her like you think he is."

"I'll hang up in 5 seconds, Hongjoong." He clicks his teeth.

"Where is Y/N anyway? Thought you two were having a girls day."

"We were until she dropped all of this on me. She's probably on her way home."

"Why did you just leave her?"

"Because I'm angry and I can't deal right now."

"Then, go back home. You can yell at your brother any day, but you shouldn't leave her."

"I'll call you later. I'm at Wooyoung's."

"Jiwoo—" But before Hongjoong can say anything else, Jiwoo is ending the call and shutting off the car. She slams the driver's door and heads into the lobby, furiously pressing the elevator button to bring her up to the 6th floor. When she gets off and heads to his door, she repeatedly knocks until she hears shuffling on the other end.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Jiwoo storms into Wooyoung's apartment as soon as he swings the door open. He knew this would happen at some point— he just didn't think it'd be tonight, exactly.

"You really don't have to yell—"

"My bestfriend!? Why would you sleep with her! She's not one of your fucking girls to toy around with, Wooyoung!" He's actually appalled at the way Jiwoo is coming at him right now. Most of the time, he can handle her. Today is just one of those days where he can't, and he feels himself losing it a lot quicker due to the sensitivity of the subject. He hates how Jiwoo looks at him this way, and he hates how she's so quick to badmouth him, especially when it comes to you.

What if he truly, truly cared about you?

"No one said she was!" Wooyoung matches her tone and San is awkwardly sitting off to the side, unsure of what to do. He didn't think he'd ever hear it this way, let alone didn't think Wooyoung would ever sleep with his sister's bestfriend. It wasn't a secret that Wooyoung thought you were cute, attractive. He just never crossed those lines because he didn't think he should, especially with the way he had tendencies to be a dick.

San is so unsure of how to take all of this.

Did Wooyoung just cave after the party? Did he plan for this to happen? How did he even get you to do all that with him?

"What else can I call it? Why would you take advantage of her—"

"Slow your fucking roll, Jiwoo. I never said I was just using Y/N for anything, nor do you have the right to assume that." Wooyoung says seriously. It's true, and he finds himself hurt at the wild accusations Jiwoo is spewing out. He wasn't always good, but he wasn't entirely bad. He's made some terrible decisions and acted poorly in certain situations, but he never failed to  learn from his mistakes and be the bigger person about it. He'd be honest, and in the end, he would never let his pride win just to get away with it.

"What am I supposed to think with your amazing track record?"

"I don't care if I made some mistakes or fucked around in the past, you don't get to say all that just because you're angry."

"All of a sudden you're good and pure when it comes to Y/N." She groans. "I swear to god, Wooyoung. The favor was supposed to be just a favor, not a window for you to add her to your roster—"

"Aye, stop while you're ahead." Wooyoung cuts her off. "You don't get to come into my space and yell at me for shit you know nothing about. Stop painting me like that, Jiwoo. I'm not this shitty person you like to think I am. For real. I don't appreciate it. You're spitting out all these crazy accusations when you have nothing but my past to refer to. I was never planning to 'put her on my roster' or treat her that way, I never meant to hurt her in any way. It's fucking wild you'd assume that."

"Then, why haven't you talked to her if you wanna claim this is different, Wooyoung?"

"Because I just need time to sort through my shit, okay! As much as I wanna talk to her, I don't know how and I'm trying to figure it out, that's all. Sorry. I'm not tryna mess this up more than I might've already done."

"You're unbelievable." Jiwoo glares at him. "Do you have feelings for her or not? It's a simple yes or no. Stop dragging it out so unnecessarily—"

"No. We're not doing this right now."

"Wooyoung!"

"I don't care! That's not for you to decide, so don't push it." He says sternly. "I'm not answering your question cause we're not talking about this right now, not when we're both angry. We're gonna go in circles like we always do and we're not gonna get anywhere. So no, I'm not saying anything to you, especially until you stop yelling and accusing me of things." He glares at her. "I sure as hell hope you didn't come at Y/N this way because she didn't do anything wrong. You don't get to talk to her like that either." He pauses. "Where is she?"

"I told her to go home."

"Oh, so you left her alone just to do this? The hell is wrong with you?"

"Can't I say the same shit about you? Leaving her that morning without saying a word." She scoffs while he bites his tongue, hoping she'd leave after getting this out of her system. "I thought so. You better fix this properly." Is all Jiwoo says before she turns on her heel and slams his door shut.

"And you should fix your attitude while you're at it!" Wooyoung yells. He groans loudly and plops onto the couch with a loud sigh. "Sorry." Is all he says to San, who is still dumbfounded over the argument that just went down.

"It's all good." Wooyoung is running a hand down his face before tossing his phone onto the table and resting his head back against the couch. As much as he loves to push his sister's buttons, he doesn't enjoy it when they fight. He doesn't like it when they're heated and angry at each other. He knows she can't help but protect you [rightfully so], but he hates the way she treats him like he has zero common sense. He wouldn't do that to you, especially out of all people. 

You would never be just another girl to him.

"So, what happened exactly?" Wooyoung lets out a breath.

"It was the other night, after she had dinner with Yeosang. She meant to text Jiwoo while she was drinking at the convenience store, but she accidentally texted me. I swung by to make sure she was okay, and things just escalated that night."

"That's why you two were weird around each other today."

"Yeah, but that's mainly my fault. I ran off when I shouldn't have. I didn't talk to her the way I wanted to because I froze. I haven't really felt like this in a long time and it scared me. It's a dumb excuse."

"Woo, are you sure this isn't just a phase or something?"

"A phase?" San shrugs. "You're not serious, right?"

"I don't know. I just have to ask. I feel like you've had moments when you thought you liked someone, but it wasn't like that."

"San." Wooyoung almost looks hurt when he turns to him. His expression says all.

"Hm?" Wooyoung shakes his head.

"It's not like that at all. I-I genuinely have feelings for Y/N. I really, really like her."

"Oh." San looks at him, a mixture of confusion and concern plastered on his face. "Oh, okay. So it is like that."

"Fuck." Wooyoung groans. "I fucked up. I should've just told her. Fuck!" He repeats, now pacing around his living room. San doesn't even respond because he's not sure how to. He watches as his bestfriend runs his hand through his hair, quickly texting away before making a call.

Wooyoung's third mistake is letting this linger. Now, everyone, including you and his sister, are continuing to paint him as this bad guy; a bad guy that he has a tendency to be, had a past history of being. But, with you, he's different. He needs you to know that. He should've done this differently.

He just needs to be honest, and he knows he can't put this off any longer. It's time.

Wooyoung feels the inner panic when he tries to call you a few times, but you don't answer. He sends a few texts asking where you're at. If you're safe. If he can come see you so he can talk to you because he really needs to.

wooyoung: y/n. i know you probably don't wanna talk to me right now, but i really wanna explain.

wooyoung: i'm so sorry y/n, i fucked up. can i come see you so we can talk about this properly?

wooyoung: at least let me know if you're okay and safe if you don't wanna talk tonight.

And you see the missed calls and texts from Wooyoung. But, they're overshadowed by the missed call notifications from Papa. You barely get a chance to let it marinate, especially when you approach his apartment and all you're welcomed with is chaos.

Bright lights. 

"Papa?" You walk closer to his apartment, seeing the paramedics coming out with your grandfather on a stretcher. "Papa!" You cry, pushing your way through them to get a good look at your grandpa. He's conscious, barely clinging onto it, though. He gives you a small smile as you hold his hand and climb into the truck, sitting right by his side. He called because he needed you, and you weren't there. You weren't there because you were too busy justifying your actions to Jiwoo, you weren't there because you were too busy trying to find out how to tell her you had feelings for her brother.

You weren't there, and he's here.

Wooyoung is the last thing on your mind right now.

—TAGLIST: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @heyitsmetonid @ldysmfrst @intaksfav @wooyoungsbrat @hyukssunflower @yunhoswrldddd @gotthicbish @thespiffynerd @jaytheatiny @yoonrixx @aurorajoye @i-love-ateez

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[02:21 PM] Every time he smiled at you, it reminded you of the innocence of childhood. Every moment spent with him was blissful and warm. Every touch made you feel wanted and loved. His presence made you feel safe. He was home to you. Every mundane task you did with him became like heaven. He gave you a new perspective and love for life that you never thought you could attain. Park Jimin was the man that taught you how to enjoy your life with his contagious laughter, with his beautiful smile, with his loving embrace, with his sweet words that he whispered to you whenever because his number one priority was to see you smile. He was the love of your life.

Now here you were, watching as the love of your life got on one knee, to propose to the love of his life. You watched as her eyes lit up with joy, as your own gaze was clouded with grief. Applause filled the room and you joined in when Jimin jumped up to pull his new fiancé into a kiss. You forced a smile as your heart broke into a million pieces. You just hoped that people thought the tears rolling down your cheeks were out of happiness for your best friend and not because of the devastation you felt as you watched the man you thought you were going to get married to so happy with someone who wasn’t yourself.

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this fic hurted like hell omfg😔 and part 2 HURTED EVEN MORE ???? pls i cried so hard to this

;decalcomania 1. (m)

no matter how hard you both try, the past will never return 

jeon jungkook x reader  angst, mature content, cheating mentions, vomit mentions  2,483 words 

part 2 found here

Keep reading

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Your Sun and Moon just look like they would be such fun to hang out with and do dumb shit like trying to parkour in the streets, only they would actually be good at it and i would definetly fall flat on my face

Honestly, that’s such a vibe 💕 its okay if u cant parkour, they’ll just take turns carrying u on their backs as they hop around

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Yaaasssss!!!! This js gonna be fun and messy!!!

chapter 24: a prank isn’t fun if you let people off easy

DOMINO [24/37]

masterlist

previous | next

pairing: kwon soonyoung x gender neutral!reader

summary: A literature student with a procrastination problem and a dancing major who always says yes makes for an interesting combo of neither getting things done. It doesn’t help that there’s a best friend in the mix, certain that the two will fall in love and makes sure they spend time together, only the two of them.

Somehow, every deadline is still met. Even the amount of time expected before the start of a developing crush.

boo talks

there was no hoshi in this, im sorry. but there was an admittance of a crush and that’s definitely important here. anyways, read Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, it is great and so funny. likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated, id love to know what you think!

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new chapter today 🦇🕚

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taste test >:3

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