Post-season 11 - Tumblr Posts

😭😭😭 MY HEART!!!

You perfectly captured the shame and guilt Zane felt after season 11! I love some good Zangst.

Pixane, my beloved!!! I always love seeing more of them together.

Awesome job!!

Splintered Ice

Oneshot – (FFN) (AO3)

Summary:

For all intents and purposes, the Ice Emperor is dead. However, his ghost remains, in icy joints and frosted eyes. How can Zane trust himself not to become him again? How can he heal? How could anyone begin to forgive him?

Ice cracks. It splinters. It shatters. Zane shivered; every movement, punctuated by the sound of fractures. What was it like to move freely- to not be frozen to his seat? To feel human, instead of frozen? To feel alive…

Crack, crack, crack, snap. The cold anthem of his existence. An orchestra of fractured glass. Horrible, beautiful.

Everything was white and gray. What did color look like, again? His mind was sluggish. No matter where he looked, the world was hidden by a panel of frosted glass, shielded from his tyranny. Maybe it was better that way.

The door creaked open, and Zane's frosted eyes slowly panned to it. He started, edging away as Pixal approached him with a plate of hot food and a sympathetic smile. Whatever she was saying was lost to his ears; he backed away, trying to tell her to flee. What if she froze? What if there was no way for Kai to thaw her? What if he controlled her?

No sound escaped his throat; only the sound of cracking ice. Pixal smiled gently and nodded; she gave him space but stayed in the room. How foolish. Zane shivered violently, snowflakes falling from his hair. Why wouldn't she leave? Didn't she value her safety?

Logically, Zane already knew the answer. She was a nindroid, like him. She believed he wasn't a threat. But what if he was? What if she was wrong?

Something clinked loudly on the ground; an icicle, falling from his hand and joining the pile below.

Was it just Zane, or did it feel like the world was tilting off its axis? He leaned on his hands, trying to support himself as the world spun out of order. What was happening to him? The warmth of the sun streaming through the window felt far-away, glinting off his metal in a painful glare on the permafrost.

Pixal shielded her eyes, and Zane felt pure, unadulterated guilt. It swelled up in his stomach, hot and painful and unnatural. He hated it. How could he let this happen?

Zane hugged himself tightly, attention turning inward. Maybe he deserved this, as punishment for freezing the Never Realm and all its people. Because he believed Vex. Maybe he deserved this for so blindly thinking he could safely reboot that accursed mech. It- it was all his fault, anyway! If he hadn't dragged it into that cave, or hadn't tried to fix it, or had looked around before he interfaced with it, or had backed up his memories again, or had just thought twice about what Vex said, this wouldn't be happening!

He heard a muffled voice, murmuring comforting words, but he knew he didn't deserve them. Pixal was always so compassionate. Too compassionate for a slow, outdated droid like him. An old operating system in a new body- a relic, whose only value was his power source.

Was he always like this? Maybe the veil had just been lifted away, showing the true horror of his nature– his inhumanity, finally on display for an entire world to see. It was all he could do to afford himself the mercy of gratitude that it wasn't Ninjago that saw his awful nature. They used to know him as a beacon of justice, light, and truth. What was he now? A tyrant? His memory banks were empty of decades of information. What had he done for the past twenty years? Thirty, perhaps? Maybe even forty? All of it was blank, wiped from his mind by the very staff that corrupted him.

Where was that accursed staff, anyway? Had he truly broken it? Even now, he could remember the feeling of it in his grip, heavy and slick. It released hidden power– did it also release hidden intentions? Maybe he had always wanted to rule. He still felt its heavy weight in his hand, cold and cruel.

Zane shivered again, and more snowflakes fell into the food before him. The world had stopped spinning, leaving him feeling numb. The plate of food in front of him was no longer steaming, having its heat sapped by his ice.

The frost over his eyes was thicker, but he saw Pixal, edging closer to him. She put her hand on his, and Zane felt even more numb. She had to know he was going to freeze her, right? Did she really trust him enough not to be afraid? He frowned, unmotivated to correct her mistaken trust. She would see eventually. He remembered so little about her anymore, but he remembered that she would never budge when she chose to do something. She was grounded. He didn't remember being like that, even though he knew he was once. Didn't someone once tell him that time erodes memory and mind alike?

Maybe it would be okay to submit to her affections, just once. Surely it wouldn't hurt her, right? Slowly, he knitted his fingers together with hers, as small chunks of ice splintered from his joints. She held his hand tightly, and murmured in his ear. Zane shook his head, clearing the frozen fog for a moment. He needed to eat; as one of the perks of being Borg's most advanced machine, he ran almost like a person would. Including digestion.

Pixal raised a piece of warm bread to his mouth, and he ate without tasting. The warmth radiated through him, gone too quickly. He ate more, giving her a faint, frostbitten smile. She was too good for him. How did he deserve her care?

The food was gone before Zane realized. When was the last time he had eaten? Either way, the room felt less cold. Stable. Almost like home. With Pixal, anywhere felt like that, he was remembering. He felt safe.

He blinked slowly, watching the frost on his eyes break off as ice and fall. His ears were ringing- weird. Pixal took the dishes and kissed him on the cheek, but he was unable to look at her; as he tried to turn his neck, the sound of ice breaking heralded his effort. Instead, he focused on clearing his mind. A few deep breaths brought a sense of calm, and Zane relaxed a little. He hadn't hurt Pixal. She was safe from him.

A few more bits of ice fell out of his hair, looking akin to diamonds. Zane smiled for a fleeting moment. He would be okay, right?

He sighed. "Okay" was a relative term at best, after all. For now, for his own safety (and more importantly, for everyone else), he would stay isolated. He laid down, looking at the ceiling as tendrils of frost again invaded his vision. Just for now, he would wait…

It wasn't hiding, right?

No, it wasn't. It couldn't be. It was really self-preservation.

Zane smiled faintly, closing his eyes. It was a good idea to stay away, just for a little longer. Even if it meant locked, icy joints. Even if it meant an inability to sit up. Even if it meant disappearing. It was in everyone's best interests. It was a good thing.