Qian Kun Angst - Tumblr Posts

Soul-searching (Part I)

I’m feeling pretty crummy right now, hence posting a sad piece for tonight. The Mark piece I promised at the end of the previous post will have to wait for a while.

For the first time, I’m sharing one of the few pieces that feature WayV’s Kun, one of my top three guys from the group. If you were curious about who are the other two, it’s Ten and Lucas. But what the heck, I love Xiaojun, Hendery, and Yangyang too!

Here’s a GIF of Kun with blue-gray hair, which I consider to be one of his superior looks. And of course, I want that color too! 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

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Summary: If anyone was curious where Essie went to during her cool-off with Johnny, she went to Kun’s. Find out if he was able to help and comfort her or if he made things worse eventually. In short, this piece was supposed to be one thing but ended up as a brain fart. 

POV: 3rd person since this is a recent piece of writing. Like, just a week or two ago. 

Word count: 1,300 + words

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“This isn’t how you take a break from a relationship, Essie,” Kun whispered, avoiding to look at the deflated form of his ‘friend’ who was crying at his doorstep.

“Then what should I do?” She answered back, wiping the tears that have now soaked the collar of her shirt.

“I don’t have the answers to everything, dear. But what we’re doing,” he glanced at her before looking away again, “isn’t going to solve anything. It will make things worse, or it has already become worse.”

“But I’m not coming for you in that sense, dude! I needed someone to talk to.” Essie looked at him intently, hoping that he understood what she meant.

“I know, but I believe I’m not the person for this. Not anymore. Youngho is also a close friend of mine. Both of us know that he gets jealous easily, and for us to be spotted like this will spark speculations among our circle.” The blue-haired guy leaned against the door and sighed, looking at anything than her face.

“So, is that what you think? You care about your reputation than our friendship?” He did not like the way she said it, but he refused to look at her still.

“Essie Park, I value our friendship, whether you believe it or not. That’s why I can’t let us get into this further. I think I’ve already said what you needed to hear. We’ve already done what you wanted to happen. I’m sorry, but please, you have to find the answers to your problems on your own this time.”

With that, he gently closed the door on her face and silently cried as he locked it.

He didn’t expect that she would come to him about her problem with her (sort of ex-) boyfriend. There she was, with a giant duffle bag slung over her shoulder, knocking on his door if she could stay over.

“Why me?” were the first words he blurted after she told him of her story.

“Because you look like someone I can depend on,” she murmured while fiddling with her thumbs.

“I’m flattered that you think that way, but I don’t think that’s just the reason,” he said firmly as he held her wrist.

Even if she was trembling under his touch, he didn’t let go. He looked at her panicked face to see if she was going to tell him more, but he didn’t expect it when she spoke.

“I can’t put into words yet, but I’ll tell you when I’m able to. But please, Kun. I need your help.”

It was her tears that moved him, and he couldn’t help but comfort her with a hug.

She stayed at his apartment for almost a month, and they had long talks over the state of her relationship. He was glad to know more about her since he wasn’t able to the last time he was at her place. Before anyone thinks he wants to get into her pants, that isn’t the case. He isn’t looking for a relationship now because he’s devoted to his career as a musician and producer.

However, as they got to talk more about life, he realized that this felt off. Essie was still in a relationship with Johnny Suh, and if any of his band members found out that she was staying in his place, then news would spread that they are dating. They were part of a tight-knit circle, and Ten is the closest to Johnny among his bandmates.

It was fortunate that none of their common friends visited his place since he was out at the studio most of the time. But whenever he came home, he felt that he had a girlfriend waiting for him. If he was honest with himself, he felt giddy whenever Essie prepared breakfast and dinner for them both before they had their deep talks, and whenever she asked him how his day went after he settled into his pajamas.

There was a moment that he embraced her from the back as she cleaned the dishes one morning. “Hey, what’s up?” She asked, slowly looking at his beaming face.

“Nothing, I just want to share my happiness with you,” he replied, resting his chin on top of her shoulder.

He didn’t let go as she continued to clean the remaining dishes. He even helped her as he held the heavy pots and pans for her to scrub on.

“Kun, you’re awfully being sweet right now. What’s up, really?” she said after she was done, hands on her hips.  

He shoved his hands into his pocket and looked at anywhere than her face. “Maybe I just want to show my appreciation for the things you’ve done for me lately?”

The silence that ensued after felt unbearable to both of them that either one started a makeout session on the couch.

“You had a motive, didn’t you?” Kun asked, still panting from the intensity of their kisses. When she didn’t reply, he tilted her face to look at him. “You want me to love you so you can forget how you’re hurting, is that it?”

This time, her tears didn’t move him. He sat up and moved at the other end of the couch, contemplating on what to say to her.

“I like you, Kun. But I don’t want it to end that way. You’ve been a great help to me, and I mean it.” She said, tucking her knees to her chin.

“Don’t you think you’re leading me on?” His voice was trembling, and she couldn’t tell if it was out of sadness, anger, or a combination of both.

“No, Kun. I don’t want to do that to you or anyone else.”

“But you already did with your other suitors, if you haven’t noticed. You are easily swayed, Essie. If you weren’t like that, then you wouldn’t end up in this situation.”

She let out a shaky breath before responding. “I know, and I’m sorry. You’re the only person right now who has been helping me with this predicament I have.”

“Don’t forget your therapist as well,” he muttered, which elicited a chuckle from the girl. “Yes, and him too. You’re the only two people I have right now who has helped me so much.”

When he saw the sincerity in her eyes, he erased those thoughts and tried his best to act like how he was with her before.

As days passed, he couldn’t. He felt that their dynamic has changed after they kissed. He was touchier and called her ‘dear’ often. She reciprocated his actions, and sometimes they pecked each other on the lips before they went to sleep.

Kun finally snapped out of this honeymoon period after they had sex. Both of them were tipsy from their respective parties, and she smelled so good that it drove him crazy. She could say the same for him, and everything became a blur when he hovered over her naked figure.

The morning after was the most awkward situation they have experienced, and it was only in the evening that he had the guts to cut ties with her.

As the scene from earlier replayed in his mind, Kun became a sobbing mess on the floor. He couldn’t believe that he would like her to that extent and realized that she was dangerous to be with in the long run.

“I wonder how Youngho must feel right now,” he mumbled, looking at the couch that has now been marked with her memories.

Images of her sobbing on one corner and then naked and moaning his name mixed in his mind, which led him to the decision to sell it immediately.

He got a new couch that was more expensive and opulent-looking, hoping that this one will have happier memories than the last.

For now, he will focus on his music and forget that he, like Jeong Jaehyun, had a brief affair with Essie Park.

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FIN