Rayns Venting Again - Tumblr Posts

y'know how i've been waiting to see a specialist for sleep issues for forever? just got back from doctors appointment.

Please just make my next one a fucking autopsy.

getting a test for breathing during sleep, not even an actual sleep study or anything to test brain activity during sleep. WHY? like just put me to sleep permanently if this is how shits gonna play out, fucking tired of this

attempts at being in a group in any way results in mind screaming, "They were better without you, you're just ruining it for others." and stressing till it's painful to breathe.

dunno whats wrong with head but wouldn't wish this on anyone

not being able to do things you were looking forward to cause body refuses to sleep or wake up for no reason sucks.

hesitant to see a psych cause they'd probs put me under watch [couldn't fault them, most of time is spent thinking about dying these days]. its hard to even just talk to people cause the feeling that i'm better off dead is so loud i end up shutting down.

venting/me being depressed

one part about withdrawing is feeling like it'd be best to just quietly disappear. don't see why anyone would ever desire to talk to me, hardly have any value as a person. it's hard to see anything in future when you're thoroughly convinced you're going to die alone and deserve it. at this point am more just breathing than living, hope for body to not wake up again every time i go to bed.

am not at risk of doing anything btw, it's more that just waiting for it to be over sorta thing i guess.