Redwall Cookbook - Tumblr Posts

Happy Holidays! It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago (during Christmas week!), and my family and I cooked a feast in celebration. I had been wanting to do this for a while, and it turned out perfectly. I want to share it with you!

We made Stones Inna Swamp, which is a vegetable (of course) soup with oat dumplings. Yum! For the beverage, my grandpa and I cooked up a modified version of Mossflower Mulled Cider. He also fried some root vegetables for the side. The other side was Nunnymolers, which are pastries with jam, berries, and honey. They're why I'm kneading a giant chunk of butter in the last photo... it was a strange experience. Everything was so good to eat, though!

For dessert, I picked out this wonderful specimen of a cake. It isn't homemade, but it has all the Abbey staples. The cake itself was very dewy, and the fruit and cream really brought it all together.

Here is the meal feast all put together:

The table looks so pretty! The finished version of the soup was delicious and the Nunnymolers were just decadent. Do you see those light up pine trees in the middle? They were a gift from my mom. And the first photo, you can see my pewter pitcher and goblets, full of cider! They were a gift to use in the feast, and I love them every time I have used them since.

Speaking of gifts, I received the Redwall tapestry!

My mom put it up for the meal and it is absolutely GORGEOUS. I swear, I was fawning over it for ten minutes after I opened it up.

Anyway, thanks so much for being here. I had such a wonderful birthday and I feel so much love <3.

HELLO! Recently, i decided to make and draw every recipe from the Redwall Cookbook, and figured it’d be fun to share that process with others!-

(Thus you can also find the original recipe at the bottom if you’d like to follow along)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS FUCK COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a hotroot sunsalad?” YOU MIGHT ASK

3 Medium parsnips

3 Medium carrots

4 Medium Jerusalem artichokes (Sunchokes)

1 Leek

and for the dressing;

Wine vinegar

Extra-virgin olive oil

‘Hot pepper sauce’

Salt

So first, and actually only, issue i ran into, Jerusalem artichokes. Couldnt find em! not a lick, nor whiff, nor hide or hair! Apparently not commonly stocked :( So substituted with artichoke hearts. I used roughly a jar and a half. (If possible, pls try calling them into your local store in advance lmao)

AND, “what does hotroot sunsalad taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Well it tastes fuckin baller, as you might’ve guessed;

A little tangy, a little salty, very smooth

The recipe calls for just a dash of hotsauce and you cant really taste it upfront but it adds a nice warm aftertaste

Extremely hearty but not necessarily rich? if that makes sense. it relaxes without making one feel sluggish

Satisfying texture (kinda like potato roast!)

The recipe says to serve it immediately and because of how warm it is it would pair really well with an iced tea

these rodents are living a life more decadent and visceral than you or i could ever imagine. 

. Used a mix of black knight, white satin, and yellow stone carrots for visual appeal

. Used 2 dashes of lousianna hot sauce for ‘hot pepper sauce’ ———————————————————————————————————–

when it says it serves 4 people they are not kidding! please be sure to have roommate(s) to shove bowls into the hands of!! Eating with loved ones makes food taste better too!!

The arty-heartys threw off the texture blend, although i Will say they did add a nice juicy refresh, flavor-wise.Id also make a bigger serving of the dressing, it was addictive, ands deservin of a good chuggin Overall id give this a good 7/10, with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again. I had a minor mental break down in the store over root vegetables and while not my proudest moment the end result did lift my spirits and send me to bed with a full tummy and soothing dreams. Hotroot Sunsalad is very much a laborers dish in the best way

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HEYA FOLKS! Earlier I realized there’s only 7 more recipes for this season and with aiming for about 1 dish every week-ish I’m gonna need more, so if you have any good de-fictionalized recipes, feel free to send them my way! Now- Kick ya legs up on the back porch cus today were gonna be baking some badger-patented and badger-approved carrot cakes from the Redwall Cookbook!

(If you’d like to follow along, you will find the original recipe under the cut!)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Brockhall Badger Carrot Cake?” YOU MIGHT ASK

1 Small potato, mashed

3 Eggs, beaten

1 Medium onion

3 Medium carrots

Fresh breadcrumbs

Fresh parsley

Salt

Pepper

Vegetable oil

You’ll want some sort of kitchen scale also, as the onion ‘n carrot are measured by weight.

For a recipe that uses breacrumbs, I’d strongly recommend leaving a slice of bread out the night before you cook, and then crumbling it by hand. You can use storebought but they have the texture and flavor of woodchips. A tad fucky wucky. In most contexts the breadcrumbs serve as a binder so you want it so have space to absorb the moisture in the food when you’re cooking!

AND, “what do Brockhall Badger Carrot Cakes taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK Well! Kinda like latkes! Somewhat! (The ‘cake’ in ‘carrot cake’ must’ve been a shortening of pancake?)

Innards are tender, sorta fluffy

Carrots contribute a really nice crispy quality to the tops and bottoms of each

Like a less-oily more meaty-tasting latke

Speaking of, it somehow. Somehow. Tastes like meat. I don’t know. Its excellent.

I served it with a side of roasted garlic hummus and would 10/10 do it again, it adds a breezy quality to the otherwise stocky meal

Hard to think of a drink that’d pair well. I think it’d have to be some seltzer

I made a platter of these for a lunch-guest, hence the fancy dish, and in her words “Thats a good whatever it is”. Glowing 3/3 stars Michelin-Man your ass is mine

. Used carrot tops for plating . Added a dash of cayenne pepper dust to last cake while it was on the pan (would do this for every cake in the future)

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However; I dunno if I’d make these in the future!

You will need another set of hands to help you prep all the foodstuffs!! Which isn’t bad! But it is a factor. Theres simply not enough areas to multitask as one person during the prep stage. And the serving as is isn’t filling enough for it to stand on its own without some adjustments.

It’d fit in splendid at potlucks or holiday dinners, where theres both either people to help or other dishes (so you can make a smaller portion) to focus on, 6/10, with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.

Grating is what they make kindergartners do in hell. I spent 20 minutes trying to think of wordplay that used grating (to mean annoyance) and I give up.

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This is a fascinating attempt, thank you hehehe

Hihihi all! It’s startin to get hot out. Or maybe it already is hot. I can’t feel this. Today from the little book of mice and war we are making a chilled treat named “Great Hall Gooseberry Fool”.

(If you’d like to follow along with this foolish endeavor, original recipe is under the cut!)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Great Hall Gooseberry Fool?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Gooseberries

Sugar

Cornstarch 

Milk

Heavy Cream

(Optionally, vanilla pudding)

Grated chocolate

SO funny story; the principal, crown jewel, fruit of this confection was federally outlawed until 1966, where it transferred to a state-by-state basis. Now, the state I live in doesn’t have any restrictions on ribes (the family of fruit the gooseberry belongs to), but due to the decades of being banned, its still super duper hard to find. I’m not keen on the deets but golden berries are a lot more common than gooseberries, despite being the same family,. The main difference between them seems to be appearance, and taste. This will be relevant. 

AND, “what does Great Hall Gooseberry Fool taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

As if you ground up a pregnant mammalian insect and its unbirthed internal egg clutch, and ate it. 

Kind of like a rancid orange. Meaty.  Grainy. Viscous. Acrid.

With many tiny seeds

The custards pretty good!

Texture overall reminds me of baby food. 

A schnasty exploding bullet that gives way to an infection. The grated chocolate makes it look even more unsanitary but it and the custard were the most enjoyable parts.

.I managed about 2 bites before my mouth dug its heels into my brain and halted. This was meant for UK gooseberries, and you cannot substitute for cape/golden berries. 

.substituted Gooseberries for ‘Golden Berries’ .used almond milk for ‘milk’  ———————————————————————————————————–

Yipes! YUH oh!YORK!

In the future I’d make this with blackberry or raspberry, maybe? What I’m able to gather between the flavor profiles of goose vs golden, they seem to be more comparable to those. It’s also very very possible I didn’t puree it correctly, it called for an amount of water that didn’t quite cover the fruit and combined with the sugar I noticed even on low heat it seemed to caramelize some pieces of fruit skin?

The custard part actually turned out super well! Considering I’ve never made custard before, or, actually tasted custard before- I was thoroughly impressed with how it turned out! If only I hadn’t folded all of it into the fruit.

The custard and chocolate shavings try to papermache the termite infestation, and its damn good papermache, but the termites eat that too. 3/10. didn’t give me food poisoning, wasn’t as bad as the time i needed a scented candle held to my face to force down a whey protein shake, still super duper nauseating. 

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Mushroom and chestnut stew (from Martin the Warrior), homemade bread, and rhubarb custard pie (not a Redwall recipe but nonetheless fits the vibe)!

Hi! Hello! Fucking heya! Today on cross-accidentally-cooks-with-nightshade (jk it didnt happen again <3), we will be making the Cheerful Churchmouse Cherry Crisp from the Redwall Cookbook!

(I encourage you to make this one!! Thus, like always, the original recipe is at the bottom if you’d like to follow along)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Cheerful Churchmouse Cherry Crisp??” YOU MIGHT ASK

Cherries

Sugar

She pretty fookin simple. Also;

Rolled oats

Raw sugar

Sliced almonds

Sesame seeds

Honey

I may or may not had fucked this up the first go around, this recipe calls for a pie tin and while i had a tin of similar dimensions it was square and not round, which left space for the cherry juice to pool in some places. When sugary fruit juice is heated with more sugar, it tends to caramelize! And burn rapidly! So please do either use the proper tin, or dry the excess juice from your fruit :D

Thank you for my lovely roommate for driving me to the store for more cherries and a pie tin for Round 2!!! Which was much, much, better! Remember to reward the people around you, not for what they provide to you, but for the simple fact that they are still here and kicking. No one makes it out alive. Roommate received a good portion of this <3

AND, “what does Cheerful Churchmouse Cherry Crisp taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

What we have here is essentially a cherry pie but without the side/bottom pie crust!

Smooth, tart, rich

The various grains/nuts/seeds add a pleasant variation

Variation = like little bites of toasty!!

How little effort makes it feel much tastier

Pairs well with iced cream <3

Would also go well with some light alcoholic tea 

The recipe calls for pitted cherries, and an easy way to do this in my opinion is to grab a stick and an old beer bottle.  Place the cherry on the lip of the bottle and push the stone through! Saves on the crime scene mess. 

.I managed about 2 bites before my mouth dug its heels into my brain and halted. This was meant for UK gooseberries, and you cannot substitute for cape/golden berries.

. Used sweet cherries (both attempts) . Served ‘ala mode’ with cookies & cream icecream  ———————————————————————————————————–

The second attempt was well worth it-

Of all the recipes we’ve tried so far, gotta say, I’m liking this one the most. It feels like the sort of thing to be served in a roadside diner, only instead of those display cases it’d be kept in little soup trays. Perhaps? Even? A mousegirl? In a checkered apron would portion this and serve it to you? Perhaps. 

Asides from iced cream, (because who the fuck eats pie/crisps without icecream), there is nothing I can think to add to this delicious little treat. Maybe fresh picked cherries or a combination of different types? This is the sort of desert that leaves you wanting for nothing else in life. You are satisfied and rocked gently to sleep, a sleepy thing upon a bed of cherry stems. 9/10, with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.

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“Rosey”!! I really should be making this one

Hewwo! baps your face off! TODAY from the big book of Redwall cookin’, we have my fuckin favorite recipe thus far; Rosey’s Jolly Raspberry Jelly Rock Cakes- The one that I’ve actually had ready to go for a few weeks now but I kept eating it too fast to take notes. Buckle into your buggies, hotshots.

(You can find the original recipe at the bottom if you’d like to follow along, and i plead you do)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Jolly Raspberry Jelly Rock Cake?” YOU MIGHT ASK

All-purpose flour

Baking powder

Salt

Unsalted butter

Sugar

Eggs

Raspberry jam or jelly

Went to read this recipe and upon realizing i had every ingredient- from start to finish it took about an hour and half from deciding to make it to being able to eat it! 

AND, “what does Jolly Raspberry Jelly Rock Cake taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Excellence. Pure comfort. Food that heals bones and hearts. Food that laces up scars. Food you make for your lover in bed on a cold rainy day.

Not quite fluffy, but very soft, smooth center

Crumbly, again soft, outer

Tart raspberry jam is the crown jewel of the piece. Mwah. God.

Rich and refreshing

The sprinkled sugar comes out not overbearingly sweet

Do try to eat/serve these warm, they keep well, but the jam will start to absorb into the pastry

Most jam or fruit filling works here, as long as it has some tartness, the world is your oyster. Grab your oyster fork. Feel weird about having an oyster fork. 

Like a molten lava cakes baby cousin-

. Used fine granulated sugar 

. Used salted butter (and only a pinch of salt instead of tsp.)

. Used raspberry jam

. Served with goat cheese caramel lightly drizzled

. Bumping the cook time up from 15 to 17 minutes let the edges brown a bit more which I recommend I think in the future I would like to also try pairing this with slices of strawberry, or perhaps fresh raspberries placed on top? Its hard to spitball pairing ideas because Most Things would pair fair!!

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Gentlethems of the Jury, we here at crossy wossys kitschy kitchy, welcome our very first 10/10

I so dearly need to communicate that I’ve had this art made for a good week now, I first baked this almost 2 weeks ago, and am just now getting around to writing the actual review. I like to have the food in my mouth to write about the flavor/mouthfeels section.  And I kept eating them too fast to take notes. I’ve used almost a whole bag of sugar making these on repeat and my teeth surely hate me but the heavens sneer enviously.

These fellas don’t seem rather persnickety- I think one would have to actively try to mess up the recipe in a way where its no longer delicious. These are essentially scones with more variety in textures and flavors! The aforementioned latest batch was made at 4am halfmindedly with multiple perceived mistakes, and the only difference from the first carefully attended-to batch was that they were slightly less pretty to look at, both being absolutely mouthwatering. 

The low fussy-ness, low spoons (for me!), and delicious outcome that can pair with many drinks, makes this a flawless pastry in my eyes. a proud 10/10, with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.

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Ooouuuu it looks decadent

“Abbot’s Special Abbey Trifle” from the Redwall cookbook!

Sul-sul! On this lovely rainy summers day, another entry from the Redwall Cookbok enters our lives- Squirrelmum’s Blackberry and Apple Cake! 

(If youd like to follow along, the original recipe is at the bottom <3)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Blackberry and Apple Cake?” YOU MIGHT ASK

All-purpose flour

Almond flour (or finely ground almonds)

Baking powder

Unsalted butter

Apple juice

Eggs

Vanilla extract

A cooking apple (like Granny Smith)

Fresh or frozen blackberries

Raw or granulated sugar

Salt

AND, “what does Blackberry and Apple Cake taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Tastes a lil fruity. Like me. You can laugh now.

Tart

A little smokey but only because I dont have a closer word to describe

Spongey-buttery consistency, muffin-like

Very rich (maybe due to almond powder?)

The crust tastes almost like apple pancakes

Makes your kitchen smell like jam

I could see this being a good choice for a birthday cake

Would probably pair well with powdered sugar on top

. Used ground almonds

. Used salted butter and pinch of salt instead of teaspoon

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This cake is delicious and entirely unassuming in appearance.

This is the part where I’d give my in-depth thoughts n such, but honestly? Yeah not much to say here. Its like the pillsbury doughwhore croissants. They’re good and does it really have to be anything else? This cake is entirely satisfied with who it is. This cake knows that a life well-lived is whatever life it lives. A hard boiled egg. A corkboard. A little black dress. And Squirrelum’s Apple and Blackberry Cake. I do recommend you make this one if only because I’m sure, barring any lethal fruit allergies, it could never offend you.

A solid 7/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.)

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I know people 'starting fall early’ is a meme because of liking halloween and a general reaction to the absurdly early time christmas shit gets rolled out, but, the steps towards the colder months have become a tentative one for me. Bracing. Thank you decline in sunlight. 

It feels weirdly bittersweet actually making it  ¼ of this project! You know the feeling, I dont know what I’m trying to communicate, but you’ll know it.

That aside, the drink itself feels sentimental. Its your grandmas secret recipe handed down through the family, and then you google it and its from the back of a betty-crocker box. Through a type of eye that might seem anti-climatic, but i think a better way of looking at would be to consider that thousands of families share this recipe now- a little string connecting a ramshackle quilt. You’re a part of that, yeah?

I give this recipe a solid 8/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.)

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This is so beautiful

Cooking my way through the winter section of the Redwall Cookbook! First up, Shrimp n’ Hotroot Stew, just like the otters make. I made some changes to the recipe because it is written for children and therefore has almost no seasoning. Turned out tasty!

Next Redwall Cookbook recipe - Veggible Molebake! Basically cheesy vegetables in a cream sauce. I used beef broth in the sauce because I had some open and used a garlic and herb butter that I bought by mistake thinking it was regular. Delightfully cheesy!

This week’s Redwall Cookbook meal: Stones inna Swamp! Bean soup with oat and parsley dumplings.

Something went wrong with the dumplings - it made fewer than the recipe said. I think if I were making it again I’d add an egg or something to help them hold together as well. Other than that, swapped out some veggies to use what I had in the fridge but otherwise stuck pretty close to the recipe! Served with some red cabbage sauerkraut.

Amazing and delightful

Last savory dish in the Redwall Cookbook winter section - savory squirrel bakes! I doubled the chives and fried them rather than baking. The result is a very satisfying potato pancake which I ate way too many of.

[id: eight scones sit cooling on a cooling rack, positioned on a greenish marble counter. Behind them is a toaster and a portion of a Kitchen Mixer stand, which is partially out of frame.]

I wasn't kidding about the Redwall cookbook, btw. I made these scones last summer by following one of the book's recipes to the letter. First time making scones and they turned out so well. They're pumpkin spice flavored!

I'm tempted to make something again in a few weekends, now that I think about it....