Rockstar!billy Hargrove - Tumblr Posts
Going Away to College
Pairing: rockstar!Billy Hargrove x fem!Reader
Summary: Billy is scared about his girlfriend leaving him on the road to go to college and can only express this to her through song. (Inspired by Going Away to College by Blink-182)
Or the one where Billy & Eddie live, become best friends and Billy joins Corroded Coffin which becomes super famous and he writes this song for you!
A/N: The Billy sending Max polaroids thing is inspired by the fact Dacre and his sister have twin owls for when he’s away so she feels close to him bc I thought that was fuckin cute.
Billy couldn’t contain you forever.
He knew it even when you told him that you’d come on the road with him as Corroded Coffin was taking off a couple of years ago. It wouldn’t be long before you needed your mind stretched. Sure, tour life was cool and it only improved as the band got more famous but you needed something more substantial.
By the end of two years, you decided it was time for you to get your shit together and finally go to college.
Billy was happy for you, of course. It wasn’t the end of the relationship. It’s just that he had went and chased his dream with your support, now it was time for you to go and chase yours. There were the usual promises of seeing each other on any weekends you could fly out to see him; spring, summer and winter breaks; and he would come back from tour or recording when the schedule permitted.
That didn’t mean he wasn’t terrified of not having you around. Eddie and the guys were fun but they always had their girlfriends with them. Billy was scared of getting lonely out on the road without you there to keep him warm at night.
Part of the enjoyment of touring the world was the making memories with you. Billy would take polaroids of you both at all of the world’s greatest landmarks and would write little notes on them. He sent the goofy ones to Max with postcards so she could feel close to you both and compiled a scrapbook of them all to show you when each tour was over.
He had kept the one of you both outside the Colosseum in Rome in his wallet because you were looking at each other and smiling in it. Rather than looking at the camera or the landmark with ancient prestigious history, you looked at each other with warmth and adoration. Without you, who was he going to share these moments with?
Still, he had to let you go.
He couldn’t get the words out to you about how he felt. It was funny; he could carve your name into his eye-wateringly expensive bass and be physically incapable of being anywhere near you without touching you. But talking to you to express his fear? Fuck, that was hard.
So, he did the only thing he knew how to do. He gathered a pen, a notepad and Eddie and sat down in a hotel room one day while you went sightseeing with Chrissy to write a song about his feelings.
Tonight was to be the night to premiere it, not only to the dedicated fans but to you. It was your last night on tour with them before leaving to start college.
To put it bluntly, Billy’s heart was in his stomach. Everything you did that day attracted his most stern fixation, savouring every moment of your presence before it was to be yanked away from him for months. Yet, he couldn’t find it in him to reveal this to you, despite your many attempts to get through to him.
“Are you sure there’s nothing wrong, baby?” You asked him sweetly as he took his traditional final smoke before the show.
“Positive, princess.” He replied shortly, exhaling an opaque cloud of smoke that almost hid his anxiety-ridden features. Almost.
“You know, if you wanna talk about me leaving, then we can…” You started but Billy cut you off.
“Later. We’ll talk about it later.” He abruptly said, giving you a quick kiss and responding to Eddie hollering at him to move his ass. He brushed past you to join his bandmates, leaving you feeling disheartened.
It was like he didn’t care; never acknowledging your leaving and hardly excited anymore when you brought it up. The closer your leaving date approached, the more apathetic your Billy became. It made you fear the worst, as though your leaving for college was accelerating the inevitable demise of yours and Billy’s relationship.
It was a cruel kick in the teeth when you considered having put your life on hold for 2 years while he rose to his full potential with the band and you merely coasted along. You were certain that Billy had become a better person than that, but maybe you were wrong. Exchanging late night after parties for all night cramming sessions seemed a good idea at the time. Now, the concept of losing Billy made this all seem so bittersweet.
Sighing, you decided to just have one last good night on tour before you had to kiss this life – and Billy – goodbye. You folded your arms and joined Chrissy at your usual spot at the side of the stage to cheer them on.
The concert proceeded as usual; with the same set-list they had every night for this leg of the tour. You could recite the order of songs in your sleep.
Something was different that night. While Eddie would turn every now and then to wink at Chrissy and the others would do the same for their girlfriends, Billy did anything but look at you. It created a thick sensation of bile in your throat as you contemplated that he might be out there scanning the crowd for your potential replacement as his bunk buddy.
Billy was stoic and unlike his usual show-off performer self. Usually him and Eddie exchanged banter on stage or the band would challenge him to prove his status as keg king mid-performance (which he would always do and continue to be note-perfect on the bass afterwards). He was different tonight; he needed to be focussed so that your song would be perfect.
Towards the end of the set, which usually came the fan-favourite song from the debut album, Eddie addressed the crowd.
“Alright Chicago! Because you guys are just the best crowd ever – and no, I don’t say that every night, I really do mean it – we decided to mix it up a bit!” Eddie began.
“You see, Billy here, you guys know Billy, right?” Eddie asked, gesturing over to his blonde bandmate who waved to the crowd currently going crazy for him. It wasn’t a secret to you or Chrissy that Billy and Eddie were the members most popular with the ladies.
“Yeah, Billy’s girlfriend goes off to college tomorrow! Isn’t that sad?” The crowd responded with an overwhelming ‘awwwww’ to Eddie, hung on his every word. You narrowed your eyebrows, only now becoming aware of Chrissie’s sniggering next to you, clearly in on something that you weren’t.
“So, he wrote her a song, and we want to play it for you!” Eddie exclaimed enthusiastically. “Oh! And he’s gonna sing it for you!”
The crowd went wild with excitement as Billy and Eddie exchanged places on stage so that he could be centre stage. Your heart was thumping so hard in your chest that you were scared it might escape and your throat was so dry you couldn’t form a single word.
Not that your brain was doing much better at forming thoughts. It was like being in autopilot, staring at your boyfriend ready to take the lead. Billy never sang in the band – despite his being very good at it, only Eddie had the confidence and showmanship for that role.
Billy had written you songs before which you had always appreciated but singing them was a different ball-game. Clearly, he was about to make a real statement. The whole thing was all very overwhelming and heart-warming and surreal all it once.
“This one is for you, babe.” Billy said in a gruff voice, looking at you for the first time all night. Chrissy grabbed your shoulders, shaking you slightly and squealing eagerly for you. It was the first time since Eddie’s announcement that you actually felt your body move. Feet planted to the spot, you stared at Billy as he turned round to start the song.
It started with a simple guitar melody before exploding into a full band effort with the drums and bass. And then Billy started to sing:
“Please take me by the hand It's so cold out tonight I'll put blankets on the bed I won't turn out the light, just Don't forget to think about me And I won't forget you "I'll write you once a week", she said”
Somewhere in the first verse, although you weren’t quite sure where, tears started to fall from your eyes which blurred your vision. Still, you held Billy in your eyeline, just grateful to find out that you were wrong earlier and in actual fact that boy did care so very much that you were leaving.
“Why does it feel the same to fall in love or break it off? And if young love is just a game, then I must have missed the kick-off Don't depend on me to ever follow through on Anything, but I'd go through hell for you, and
I haven't been this scared in a long time And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me.”
Billy’s confidence only increased as the song progressed and when he turned round to see you crying but with the biggest smile on your face, he knew his message was coming across. Swelling inside your chest, your heart felt as though it was about to burst. You knew that if it did then the pieces would be etched with Billy’s name and your love would be evident for all to see.
He had borne his soul for you tonight on that stage and whilst you had been desperate to see this for weeks, it occurred to you that this might just be the way Billy knew how. It made you wonder how he was able to cope with all of this couped up inside him for so long but it was no matter, he was getting his catharsis now.
“I'll think about the times She kissed me after class, and She put up with my friends I acted like an ass, I'd Ditch my lecture to watch the girls play soccer Is my picture still hanging in her locker?
I haven't been this scared in a long time And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful.”
During the instrumental bridge, Billy was quick to run off the stage with his bass slung by his side on its strap. Cupping your face in his big hands, he pulled you in for the most desperate but passionate kiss you two had ever shared. The tears still cascaded from your eyes but neither of you minded.
“I love you so fucking much, okay? Don’t you ever forget that.” He said to you when he finally pulled back, staring into your pretty crying eyes.
“I love you too.” You choked out.
“Okay, well, I gotta finish this song, I just needed you to know that. And, fuck! Promise me we’ll be okay? Like really promise it! We’re gonna survive this and we’re gonna be so happy, me and you. Right, princess?” Billy frantically asked, his nerves forcing his thoughts to come out all at once and unfiltered.
“We’re gonna be more than okay, baby.” You smiled widely at him and placed another soft peck on his lips with a giggle before pushing his chest away. “Now go! Finish this fucking beautiful song!”
Billy chuckled cheekily walking backwards out onto the stage and blowing you one last kiss which you caught with your hand. You kept it closed in your palm so that you might keep it forever.
Turning to the crowd with a victorious smile on his face, Billy got back into show-man mode and finished off his gorgeous love song.
“I haven't been this scared in a long time And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful.”