Silly Stories - Tumblr Posts
I swear workin in a restaurant is one of the most stressful jobs, because it’s just filled with so many interactions and conversations you never thought you would have to have with grown adults
My most common example is this one time I was wiping down a table, and this lady comes up to me, fuming, full on cursing me out, that I’m wiping crumbs onto the floor. Like, I’m sorry, were you expectin me to EAT the crumbs or somethin?! I had a broom right next to me too, so it was pretty obvious that I was going to sweep them up.
There was also some time Tanjiro pulled a real sword on me and told me to empty the register, but that’s a whole different story
The Life of Astral pt.1
Starting something silly about me and my roommates, based on true events but dramatized.
not edited!!!! And terrible grammar/punctuation 😘😘😘
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We were on the couch, like we were most mornings. I could see the commentary YouTube video in the gleam in her eyes. She was laughing at something Jack said, I knew it was the perfect time to ask
Do you like the hangover movies?
The room falls silent
She does what she always does when I ask the hard questions, turns away, why does she always turn away?
Yeah I guess.... why?
Of course she asks why, it's almost like she knows I can't tell her. I start to sweat I've never been good under pressure
No reason, was just wondering
The air is still filled with an awkward tension. I know that soon she will understand why I asked, I can only hope my birthday gift to her is good enough.
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Silly Stories - Dead Cow
The most recent session of my university game of Pathfinder went through a rather peculiar adventure / side-quest this Sunday gone-by.
This post is a one-off sorta thing.
Unfortunately, this story contains some degree of regrettable animal-violence.
The party, around level 3, were informed that there was a issue occurring at a local dairy farm. One of the cows had died of natural causes a few nights back, peaceful as could have been. Two days ago, the farmer went to remove the cow’s corpse but the cow refused and began to insult him. The corpse seemed to be alive and walked around as well as any other would.
This is all of the information that I had prepared for this, as I forgot the adventure existed when I gave them the list of notice-board jobs. I had forgotten to flesh-out the adventure to any degree as it was at the bottom of my list. This meant that (if they chose to follow it) I had to ad-lib practically everything from the foundations on up.
Well.
What followed was an entirely made-up non-combat encounter which left several players asking: ‘How high/drunk were you when you wrote this?’
Essentially, imagine a horror-movie villain - all twitchy, sporadic, and unnatural in their mannerisms; twisting their head like an owl, vomiting on the floor, etc - but as a rotting cow carcass inhabited by an insane fairy-creature with a penchant for interpretive poetry or the ... insane variety.
The fairy refused to leave the herd alone, explaining that they like being a cow and will remain as such. However, they would gladly evacuate the cow’s corpse if the party bring it, specifically, a grey house cat. The party know that there is only one such cat in the entire town, and it belongs to the Baron himself.
Half the party want to kill the cat, the other half don’t ... because ‘cat’.
Eventually the cat is captured, petted, and the petter is sent to sleep via quick spell. One of the party saw his opportunity to kill the cat and fired ... and shot an ally through the hip with a crossbow bolt. Even worse, the cat couldn’t escape the half-orc petter’s grasp and was killed immediately when she fell face-first onto it.
The Baron found this hilarious.
The party squabbled, pointed blame, and, eventually - regrettably - brought the now 2D house cat to the cow-thing (who named itself Aubergine) and allowed him to leave his cow-form. He happily undertook his new cat host, leaving the old one to explode into a shower of putrid gore.
He thanked the party with a single, enchanted ring which allowed its wearer to, once a day, vomit out a 30 ft stream of viscous fluid, nauseating all who are struck by it for a short while.
The farmers paid the party 50 gold for the help.
Apparently it was the best part of the night, and that makes me happy.