Sir Toji - Tumblr Posts
Yoooo I’m happy asf let’s goooo
She got the best revenge possible and honesty fuck Geto and Gojo in this talking about some “I won’t forgive you”
You reap what you sow, like we’ve reached bad bitch status and honestly I’m interested to see what happens next I’m super curious about Sukuna I’m ready for the next
Her after watching Geto crawl to Gojos dead body⬇️
The Lady and Her Knight
Knight!Toji Fushiguro x Princess!Reader // Part 2
Words: 11k // mdni 18+ [Part 1 here]
Tw: not technically dark content but they check if reader is still "pure" and that's assault, depression, betrayal, violence, chosen one trope, villain!nanami, steamy bath scene, fingering and oral(m->f), virgin!Reader, suicide attempt, age gap, satosugu, identity crisis
Note: I'm the same person just a new blog if that confuses you. Yeh this will have a third part bc the dynamic between sukuna and reader is kinda interesting
It is just so peaceful.
You are roaming a beautiful meadow during sundown. The last rays are soft on your skin while the tender breeze kisses your arms and legs and makes your hair dance in the air.
You want to stay here forever. Just you and the wildflowers and–
“Toji?” You whisper.
He sits beside you now, picking flowers and putting them into your hair. He isn't wearing his armour and he isn't looking tired. Toji looks free and… like home. He is peaceful.
It's just so peaceful. All of it.
You and him. Nothing else matters.
You turn to him–
And gasp sitting up in an unfamiliar bed. Your hand clutches over your heart as you feel the pain like an echo, like a dagger to the heart, dull and mercilessly.
“My lady,” Satoru smiles. “Here.” He holds out a cup of water. You grab it gulping it down in one go, your hands are shaking, your head is pounding. You feel so empty.
“You have been sleeping for 2 days,” Satoru says. “I will go grab you something to eat.” You watch how he walks past Geto, silently telling him something. You don't understand a thing.
“W-where are we?” Your voice won't rise above a whisper.
“Lord Nanami's hide,” Geto says in a monotonous tone. He walks, paces, back and forth in front of the bed.
“Who is Lord Nanami?” You frown.
“The man who will save you. Your soon to be husband.”
You feel your soul sustain a shatter. Husband? What is Geto talking about?
“(Y/N), I can't believe the way you have… acted!!” Geto snaps, pointing a finger at you. “Lord Nanami values tradition and piety. I implore you to apologize for your behavior– we can still salvage this– you were not yourself–”
“My behavior?” Your eyebrows pinch. What have you done? What does he mean? You saved their lives? You did! Your face grimaces as tears tingle in your eyes. “Where is Sir Toji?” Your lips quiver.
Sir Toji wouldn't yell at you like this. He'd make sure you're okay, make sure you know you are safe– you want him to tell you you are stupid for what you did with a grin on his face that is soft.
Geto exclaims in disbelief. “This is exactly what I am talking about.”
“I made him my knight… So… Where is my knight?!” Your eyes bore at Suguru with chilling apathy. “You cannot keep him from me.”
“He left. He was never loyal to you. You are so naive. Nanami paid him and off he was,” Suguru lies. You know he lies. “Now, please, collect yourself and… function.” He turns toward the door. “I'm trying to save you.”
You jump from the mattress, tumbling on weakened legs. “Don't ever say you are saving me again, Geto!” You shout. “You are dooming me to another man… to save your lover. This is not for me… this is selfishness.”
Suguru stops with the door handle in his hand. His eyes close and he takes a deep breath. You are right. You both know it. He didn't think you had the wits to figure it out… But here you are. “You are the princess. You are your mother’s daughter,” he says. “You were born to carry the world on your shoulders. So what's saving Satoru?”
You scoff, the heaviness in your stomach only sinking further. You can't breathe. Is this all you truly are? Just a cog. Just a strategic asset to play for him. You feel sick. You knew this. You knew it but not to him… right? He's like a brother to you– you mean something to him… right? “I won't forgive you,” you whisper.
“If Satoru lives… I will learn to live with it.”
He leaves and you sink to the marble titles beneath you. You can't breathe. Your lungs don't work.
Satoru walks back in and his mouth is moving but you cannot hear a word he says. He helps you to the bed, kneeling before you, watching you with concern.
“Where is Geto? What ha–”
“Satoru, where is Sir Toji?” You whisper. You want to cry. You want to scream and sob and succumb to the trembling in your body. You can't do any of this without him by your side… Without his squeezes of reassurance… without being reminded of the trust he has in you.
“Lady (Y/N)... Sir Toji isn't an honourable knight. It is best if you just forget any of this happened. He was never your knight, not really. You don't have to look out for him.”
“He was honorable to me,” you whisper faintly. Satoru takes your freezing hands. Your eyes are lidded– you are just so tired… so defeated by Geto's words.
“My lady, have you considered he was merely trying to free himself of the guilt he feels?”
You frown, your gaze finally rises. “What do you mean?”
“He was a guard to your mother. He let them into the castle that knight… I thought by now someone had told you… I apologize.”
You remember the end of your dream. You turned to Toji and he pierced a dagger into your fragile heart.
》》》》
You are sitting in the dining hall in a lavish gown with braided hair and jewellery hanging on your neck.
You feel sick being part of this masquerade.
The food on your plate is untouched, your stomach turns with dread and you cannot swallow a thing. You are scared… you are empty.
“Is the food not to your liking, your grace?” Nanami asks.
You look up at him finding a coldhearted gleam in his eyes.
“Do I need to punish the cook?”
“No, my lord. My appetite has simply not returned yet. You must forgive me… It has been a rough few days– and I am worried about Sir Toji.”
You can hear Geto's fork drag against the porcelain. His eyes shoot flames at you.
“You mustn't be concerned.”
“I am my mother's daughter. I have been told she always looked out for her staff, Lord. I apologize.”
He thinks, sipping his bloody wine. You cannot take this much longer. “That is indeed true. She always made sure we were taken care of.”
Your head now turns to look at him. “You were one of my mother's knights?”
An eerie smile spreads on his thin lips. “You do not recall me? I was your favorite knight, princess.”
Your stomach twists in sickness. “I am sorry. I do not remember anything before that night.” It's sad but the truth. You don't remember your mother. The people around you tell you what she was like but you'll never know for yourself. It's all gone, overpowered by the events of that fateful night.
You do not know how you feel about Nanami now. If he would care about you he would have saved you sooner. This isn't for you. Nothing ever was or is.
Your mind wanders. The soft squeeze of Toji's fingers, reassurance that didn't need to be given– yet you needed it every time and he knew. There was nothing to gain. There was nothing to obtain when he made you laugh and his snarky banter made you hate him, made your heart race. There certainly was more to lose when you asked him to kill you and yet he was willing to try… for you. And maybe he even stopped for your sake. You don't want to die… you just don't want to live like this. And the kiss, he would certainly be hanged if Lord Nanami or worse King Sukuna found out, but he did it because you needed it, wanted it and against his better judgement he did too. Maybe he thought it was worth it, that feeling your lips against his was worth risking his life… just be because it is you.
“Very well then.” Lord Nanami gets up. “Come along.”
“My lord, I don't think–” Geto shuts his mouth at a simple glance of Nanami. You feel the coldness all around you. Nanami is dangerous. You just cannot exactly tell how yet.
You follow him until you reach a spiralling staircase. He offers his arm and you take it. “What was my mother like, Lord Nanami?” You ask against your better judgement. You don't want to converse with him but knowing more about your mother is an insatiable thirst. You jump at any change you get, grasp at any scrap of retelling.
“She was a force,” Lord Nanami says. “Kind, headstrong, just. But she was incredibly cruel too. She was everything a leader should be.”
You look up at him, your eyes glow so mortified of what he just said. “Cruel?”
He nods. “She showed no mercy to those she deemed undeserving. There was an entire village she let slaughters. She stood on a hill, like a goddess of death, watching it all. It was horrific.”
Your skin prickles with disgust. Why? Why would she do this? Doesn't that mean she was just like Sukuna? Everyone always told you how kind and just she was. Was that only part of the story?
Lord Nanami takes a torch and you jump at some rats hurrying away. The air is damp and mouldy, you feel crushed by the darkness of this place. He leads you down a row of cells and the sickness in your stomach grows. The people inside look like walking dead spirits. They are malnourished, injured with oozing wounds. It smells so bad. Your eyes widen seeing a cell full of… boys.
“What have they done?” You ask.
“Steal from the kitchen.”
You turn a corner and screams echo around you. At the end of the dark tunnel some warm light flickers. You don't want to believe it but with every step it becomes clearer.
You want to run but Lord Nanami grabs you. His gloved fingers squeeze your cheeks. “If you want his suffering to end you will send him away. Tell him he's nothing and not worthy to be even near you.”
“I don't want to do that!” You hiccup. Why? Why is this happening?
“Then you will watch him die.”
Nanami lets go and steps towards the chamber. Your heart rings inside of your ears.
Toji laughs, catching his breath. He tastes copper on his tongue and damn his whole body burns. But he won't give in. He can't leave you. He has abandoned many things in his life but you won't be one of them. You need him. You need your knight.
“What else, hm?” Toji mocks and spits blood at the guards feet. They cannot break his resolve– not when it's about you. He meant it. His sword, his body and his heart. It is all yours. He is yours.
Toji braces himself but instead soft hands reach for him, stroking his hair back. He recognizes the sensation immediately, your energy seeping into his wounds and soothing them over.
“(Y/N),” he looks up, finding your eyes. There is so much relief but so much worry as well. You want to die. You can't do it to him… but you must.
“This is pointless. You never took an oath, Sir Toji.” You squad down and cup his face. “Just leave. I don't need you anymore.” You look up at Nanami. You can't continue… You don't want to say any of this. But what happens if you don't… It's worse. He will hate you but he will live.
“W-what?” Toji's green eyes peek from his dark hair, big and oh so confused. His lips shake and his chest moves irregularly. It's making you feel sick. You just want to wrap your arms around him. You want everyone else to just vanish so it's only Toji and you. Just you and him like in your dream. But now you're putting a dagger through his heart.
You get up, “did you really think you could be my knight? You are–” you want to throw up. “Just a worthless outcast. Take the money and return to your sorry excuse of a life. You mean nothing to me, you never have… don't be stupid.”
He looks up at you. It's heartbreak, it's anger and desperation. You can see it. He wants to wake up from this nightmare too.
You walk away. You can't take it. You can't bear it. Tears threaten to give away your act.
You run. You hate everything. You hate everything but Sir Toji. He has been so kind… So true… And you break him. You had to do it. Maybe he will know it's a lie…maybe he will feel it deep within. Please. You never cared for the gods but you need them to make this right. Please.
Lord Nanami grabs your arm and pulls you around. You are ready to hit him but the look on his face makes you freeze. You are terrified.
He chews on words but before he decides what to say you tear free and hurry to your room. You fall on the bed and just cry. The weight of the world sits upon your shoulders again and you cannot breathe. Sir Toji is the only one who cares about you, who sees you as someone and not just the princess. When he calls you, he uses no title but your name. You miss him so terribly much. You can't do this without him.
You need your knight.
》》》》
The next day is a blur. You are functioning, attending breakfast, lunch and supper but never stomaching much. The guilt inside of you makes you full enough.
You hope Sir Toji never felt this way. That whatever happened that night did not manifest like this.
Geto has been yelling at you, Satoru tries to be comforting. Nanami is dangerously quiet.
You've been thinking about so many things. Is this truly better than the alternative? And if this means Satoru will live then why are you not doing the most to make it work? You used to only think about the wellbeing of others… why is it so hard now? Should you apologize to Lord Nanami? Should you try to love him? Could you ever forgive him for what he made you do? Then of course, your thoughts ruminate around Sir Toji. How is Sir Toji? Where is he? Does he know? Is he making up a plan to save you? Will he forgive you? And then somewhere far back in your mind, you wonder who your mother truly was? You have heard how kind she was, what a great ruler… and now, now she is cruel too. You are your mother’s daughter. They keep telling you. Do you have cruelty in you too?
The door flies open and tears you from your spiral, it is Satoru. The look on his face is scary, his skin is pale.
“My lady,” he kneels before you. “Tell me you haven't been with Sir Toji. Tell me, please.”
You blink at him. He is so distressed. What is this about? Been with… “No! No! Why would you say that?!” You sit up and blink up at him as he gets up again. He looks more relaxed instantly.
“Good,” he whispers meekly. “Then you have nothing to fear. I am… sorry, my lady.”
The door opens once again and it is Lord Nanami, Geto, a man you don't know and two guards. They all look grim. Geto does not look at you at all.
“What's going on, Lord Nanami?” You get up. You grab a rope as you are only in your nightgown– Nanami takes it from you.
“Excuse me?!”
“You won't be needing that,” he says, tossing it on a chair. “I have reason to suspect you are not pure, princess. And if you are to produce me a legitimate heir… that is not something–”
You strike him across the face. “How dare you insinuate such a thing!”
He lets out a dry, “hah.” He leans closer to your ear, only speaking to you. “I am not a fool, princess. I have seen how you act around Zenin.”
You look at him with horror.
“Guards,” he nods at you and the two burly men walk towards you.
You step back until you hit the bed. The first guard pushes you down to sit.
“The physician will examine your private parts and deny or confirm my suspension,” Nanami says in a sigh and sits in one of the armchairs.
Your throat dries up. “No– no I don't– Don't touch me!” You yell at the guards and push their hands away. They grab your wrists and one of them hikes up your dress.
“No! NO!” You start to kick and squirm, twist your body. “Stop! I don't want this! Stop! STOP!” They struggle to pin you down, their grip only tightening. “Please!” Your voice breaks when the physician comes into view.
One of the guards loses his patience with you rips at your dress, making it move past your knees. His gloved hand grabs the flesh of your thigh trying to spread it.
“Geto! Geto! Make them stop! Geto! Help me!” You sob and cry at the top of your lungs. “Suguru!”
“Stop.” He raises his voice. Nanami crooks an eyebrow. He is entirely unfazed by all of it.
The guards let go of you, unclear on instructions now. Geto comes up to the other side of the bed and you crawl to him with haste, hiding in his embrace. You are crying, trembling all over, clinging to him.
“Satoru, hold her legs.”
Your eyes widen and you immediately try to escape him but you crawled to him for safety, and he's got you now.
“No! NO!” You scream and twist your body but he easily pulls up your dress and expose your undergarments.
“My lady, please,” Satoru says through gritted teeth, hesitating to grab your ankles. He is meant to protect you… Suguru is meant to protect you. Why are they doing this?
“Satoru,” Geto urges and lets one of your wrists go to grab the back of your knee and pull it to your face. Your newly free hand claws at his face, nails digging into the flesh of his cheek but once Satoru has your legs secured, Suguru shackles your wrist again.
You scream from the top of your lungs when cold hands touch the back of your thighs and then moving someplace even worse.
“Toji!” You cry, your last resort. Your only refugee and hope. “Toji! Toji! Please!” You sob. “Please. Save me.”
“It all looks intact. See for yourself, my lord.”
Nanami gets up, striding over with not a care in the world. He touches you with such self-evidence that you want to throw up. His hands touch you like you belong to him, are his property.
You scream from so far within that the waters around the castle shake.
》》》》
He is drunk.
Toji barely manages to walk but he has to get rid of this money or he will die from this feeling.
He is empty. So totally empty. He thought you could fill the void, that you really are something to believe in– someone who believed in him… But he truly was stupid. Just like you said. Stupid and unworthy.
He's heard it his entire life.
He makes it to the orphanage and bangs at the door until it cracks open timidly. She has no time to be terrified as Toji drops the sack of coins in her hand. He turns and ambles on.
“Sir! You have a big heart!” She yells after him.
A big heart? No. He has none at all. He thought he discovered the beating thing in his chest, thought that maybe he was capable of feeling something other than hatred and anger and regret and guilt again… that maybe after all, he wasn't a monster.
But only a monster deserves to be treated like this, right? It's the only explanation.
Toji gets on his horse, barely. And opens another bottle of wine. He really is so stupid.
Only a monster would be able to take this pain. How could he have been so stupid. You are just a noble… you are everything he hates.
He just rides aimlessly. He thought he had finally discovered what he is meant to do. It was all he wanted to be, be your knight and protect you with his life. His sword, his body and his heart. He wanted to give it all to you. You were his purpose and now he is lost again.
But maybe it's the karma catching up to him eventually. Maybe he truly was at fault for everything. You would have sent him away once you found out anyway. How involved he was that night. It was never going to last…
Toji looks up and his face twists. He is at the lake again and looking out onto the shore, he sees you in the water. How carefree you were, laughing and smiling. How you looked at him like he was worthy… Like he was human.
His lip quivers and his breaths become shaky. He is breaking. No assassin or mage or curse could bring him down… but he is defeated now in the wake of you. Tears well in his eyes as the water glimmers like it did that evening. One perfect moment to haunt him forever.
He drops the bottle of wine and covers his face. Monsters don't cry. Monsters don't care.
“Why are you here?!”
Toji looks at the lady of the lake. He didn't even notice the water rose all the way to where he stands.
“Why aren't you with our queen!” She accuses.
“She send me away,” Toji rolls his eyes. “What do you want to hear, lady?”
“Toji Zenin! You ought to protect her! It is your duty!” She suddenly becomes 4 meters tall, hovering over him.
“I told you! She send me away. She doesn't need me anymore!” Toji yells. “She is some fancy castle with better people. I was never her knight! I was never– Get out of my business or drown me.” He wants to ride on but then…
“She needs you.”
In the water an image is projected. Toji's eyes widen and the blood in his veins freezes as he watches you struggle against 4 men. It's like an distant echo traveling through the waters.
“Toji!” Your voice reverberates.
He takes a shaky breath.
“Save me! Please!”
“She doesn't know how strong she is yet… she relies on you. You give her strength–”
Toji digs his heels into the side of his horse and make it take off, galloping the way he came.
He should have never left.
》》》》
You haven't been able to move ever since…
You feel like your body isn't yours. Maybe it never was. It was Sukuna's your entire life and now it is Nanami's. You sob again, staring at the window. It has been raining for days now. You can't stop crying and the sky won't stop weeping either.
You don't know what hurts more. That it happened at all or that there was no one who protected you. No one who… cared. You feel so alone.
It's just you in the entire world against every selfish man. Just you against their power as you have none of your own.
Sir Toji lent you his… but now he's gone too.
The door opens. It is Geto. “Lord Nanami wants to have dinner with you. Get ready.” Attending ladies usher in with a selection of dresses and jewellery, ready to put this mask on your decaying body. You hate it. You hate it all.
At least Geto and Gojo have been unable to look you in the eyes. At least they feel some remorse. You hope they do. You hope your cries echo in their ears forever. You don't think you can ever salvage your companionship after this. You are all alone in this castle.
Truthfully, there is not much you left. Who are you anyway? The Princess, of course. Your mother’s daughter. A legend and a saint. Sukuna's bride to be– Nanami's now. But is that all?
You think that Sir Toji saw more in you.
You and Nanami are alone for dinner. You reply to his questions like the princess who started this journey would have. You were so… hollow… then. So much happened. It was just a few days but… it changed you.
“I have set the wedding ceremony for tomorrow.”
“As you wish, my lord,” you nod.
“It is good to see your spirits have returned.”
How odd it is. You have never in your life felt more dead. No… wait. Have you felt like this before? You just never knew? You had no comparison? Wasn't this heaviness all you knew until Sir Toji showed you more? Is your depression the result of knowing what life could be like?
“Thank you, my lord. I apologize again for my behavior,” your mouth is just moving, saying what he wants to hear. You have done that your whole life with your father too. Just tell them what they want to hear and everything is fine.
Your spirits?
Your spirits want to claw his eyes out, want to cut his head off and then some!
He gets up and walks over to you, leaning against the table right next to where you sit. “I hope you may forgive me for what I was forced to do. You must understand the importance to a man.”
“I do, my lord.”
Your spirits want to see his blood pooling outside his body, your spirits want to skin him alive.
The wind outside picks up and lashes at the stained glass windows making you look at them. Why are you having these thoughts? You are not violent. You are the kind princess, the princess everyone is waiting for to bring peace, you are a saint, you are hope and good. You cannot be… Cruel…?
Lord Nanami reaches his hand out and pats the top of your head. You freeze all over, your lungs become stone. “After our wedding, the real fight begins.”
“Yes.”
“But that's not something you will have to concern yourself with.” His hand slides to your chin, holding it and tilting your gaze up to meet his. “You just have to be pretty by my side. The people want their princess.”
You are terrified of him. He is everything they warned you about. He is so cold, so rigid. You hate being touched by him. He's nothing like Sir Toji.
He touched you like you're his possession and you know it will only get worse after the wedding.
“I apologize it won't be a celebration that is worthy of you, princess,” he husks and his thumb traces your lip.
“I understand the circumstances, my lord.” Your pulse rises. You want to run. You just want to get away from him.
“Do you now?” His gaze intensifies.
“I… I understand that you are doing your best.” He nods and finally stops touching you. You get up instantly, the chair screams as you push it back. “I should retire, sire. Goodnight.” You bow and turn but…
“Did I allow it?”
The hair on your body stand. “May I?” Your voice shakes. What is he trying to prove?
Why is he doing this? He sees you shaking. You know he does.
“You may.”
You can't take this. You don't want to live like this. It is all so hopeless. King Sukuna would have at least just hurt you, would have clawed at your skin until it broke, would have treated you like nothing, a toy or a pet– but these showcases of subtle, gentle, but lethal power that Nanami keeps throwing at you just to remind you– it makes you sick.
You hurry up the stairs and into your room. The doors to the balcony are open, probably because of the wind, and you think it's a sign. The only way to save yourself now.
You step with courage and determination. You don't want to die but it's the only way. It all happens in the blink of an eye. You step onto the railing and then step off the ledge. There is no hesitation. You cannot do this. You won't live this life.
But you don't fall.
You hang off the side of the balcony, held by your wrist. The rain stops almost instantly when you look up.
He pulls you up, over the railing and you make him fall to his bottom with the force you crash into his arms. He holds the back of your head gently.
He came back. He came back to you.
You squeeze him so tightly and cry. You don't know if it's happiness or relief but you cry.
You cup his face in your shaking hands, “I didn't mean any of those awful words! Nanami made me say it. He said he would kill you. I had no choice. I am sorry I am so sorry, Sir Toji.”
He chuckles, “I know… I know. You're a terrible actress and a worse liar.” But the look in his eyes tells another story. He did believe it, tricked by his own insecurities.
The sun peeks through the clouds, a beam cascades down on you and you feel like you can breathe again. He is finally here.
“It was so awful without you,” you sob, leaning your face into his hand as he cups it tenderly, catching your tears. “I am just so glad you are alright– I was so worried!”
Toji swallows hard. The lump in his throat is painful. He wants to take all your suffering away, he can carry it but you shouldn't, you don't have to… not as long as he is there. “I'm a lousy knight, aren't I? Leaving you alone like this. My lady–”
You look at him then frantically try to find his sword. “You have to take the oath–” Once an oath has been made there is no going back on it. If he swears to be your knight, carving it into his sword– it is done and nothing will separate you.
“(Y/N),” he says with softness and takes your hands, stopping you in your frenzy. “I won't leave again. Oath or not… I already swore myself to you. My body. My sword. My heart and my soul. All yours. Tell me how you are?”
You blink at him for a moment then press your face to his chest, sobbing and twisting the fabric of the soaked linen shirt he is wearing. You seem to want to be absorbed by him. You would be safe if you crawled in his ribcage. “I am so scared, Sir Toji. They… they… they did something to me. I can't get the feeling of their cold hands off my skin.”
Toji sighs and holds you. His heart is aching with hurt and anger. He can't promise you it won't happen again, it will only be worse when– if you marry Nanami. He can't find a way to protect you. You could run… but run where? He could kill Nanami but he'd never make it out of there alive.
Toji picks you up and walks inside, sitting you down on the stool in front of the vanity. You watch him like a hawk, what if he isn't really here and taking your eyes off him makes him disappear again? What if this isn't even real?
He lets hot water into the bath, looks at the oils but decides to pour the entire bottle in. He turns back to you. “You'll catch a cold if you don't get out of your soaked clothes, princess.” He can't read your face right now. You are usually an open book to him and he hates this.
“You too,” your voice is weak, fighting to be heard over the water running into the tub.
His lips twitch. Like they want to turn into a smile but can't.
You get up and turn your back to him. He walks up to you and starts untying your corset. There is so much to say but nothing moves past his lips.
He is sorry. He is so sorry.
You wonder what he's thinking.
You are so relieved… so happy.
You take your clothes off and hide yourself more than you did before. He admired that, that you had no shame of your body. That you stood there proudly like the gods made you.
The room becomes heavy with the steam and oriental smell. He takes his sticky shirt off too, maybe when he's exposed too you will feel more comfortable. “You go first.”
“Come in with me?” you ask, meeting his eyes with so much hope. He can't tell you no. He never would.
You settle in the hot water, your back against his chest, head resting on his shoulders. His fingertips softly ghost up and down your arms. The touch is so different. He touches you with care and appreciation, not like you are his possession. You can feel the difference in your heart.
“I like when you touch me,” you whisper. “It's different.” Your fingers move to your own lips, touching them– reminiscing on what it felt like when he kissed you. You wanted more that night. You wanted him to not stop.
You feel yourself stiffen up when his large hands slide over your hips to your thighs. Toji can see the bruises and it is hard to keep his cool but he does for you.
You don't need his anger right now… You need to be taken care of.
“Is that okay?” He husks close to your ear, afraid to raise his voice. You shiver all over because his hands are so soothing, so safe. They slide up and down your thighs expelling any remains of your assault. Only his touch stays.
“Thank you,” you say and melt into him.
Your own fingers now trace over his knuckles, feeling the veins on the back of his hand. You guide his hand further to your core, spreading your legs cautiously.
Toji kisses the curve where your shoulder and neck connect. He knows what you want but he isn't sure if it is genuine or a misled attempt to feel better. “My lady?” He kisses your shoulder again. “You don't–”
“Please.”
There is an urgency in your tone, a beg. You know what you're asking for. Toji doesn't want to deny it. He wants to give you everything and all.
Your breath shakes as his fingers apply gentle pressure to your cunt. Your own hand stays on his wrist like a precaution. His fingers spread your second pair of lips open. You let out such a beautiful gasp when his finger finds your clit. The grasp on his wrist tightens.
“Is that okay?”
“Y-yes,” you whisper. Your eyebrows furrow tightly. “Ah-” your hand moves to your mouth covering it. Why do these sounds wants to come out?
Toji smiles softly, taking your hand into his free one and squeezing it softly for comfort, “it's okay, princess. Don't hold yourself back.”
You whine, head rolling on his shoulder. You don't know this feeling. It's bubbling right under your skin and wants to come out but you don't know how.
You turn your head, lidded eyes finding his serpentine ones before dropping to his lips. You liked kissing him so much… So So much.
He must be reading your mind and capturing your lips with his. You moan into his mouth and he takes the chance to deepen the kiss, his finger circling your ever swelling clit irregularly.
It gets almost too hot to breathe. You feel this foreign sensation stir in your tummy. You don't want him to stop.
But would he? If you asked him too would he?
The feeling makes your thighs tremble and you pull away from his lips, the hand still clutching his wrist now pushes ever so slightly and before you can even say something he stops, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you further into his body. His chin rests on your shoulder, pitch black hair flopping into your peripheral vision.
“Too much?”
You can't get your words to work and you nod instead, chest rising and falling heavily.
“That's okay.”
Tears swell up in your eyes and you try to swallow around the lump in your throat. “I…I didn't want you to stop,” you whisper. “I just wanted to know… if you would.”
You can feel how the faintest smile spreads on his lips. It isn't patronising, no… it's full of kindness and caring. “My lady… I'm your knight… I do whatever you tell me to do.”
You turn around so swiftly making water splash outside the tub, kneeling between his thighs and clawing your nails into his shoulders. “Is that the only reason– is that all this is?!” You are scared it is because it isn't for you.
The softness on his face never wavers. The water splashes over the edge once more as he moves to grab your face, joining your lips together again. His answer, one you cannot misunderstand.
You collapse against his chest, rising and falling with the steady breaths he takes. You can hear his heart pump so strongly. “I like when you call me by my name instead of a title.”
“Yet you have never called me just my name.”
“I call you Sir Toji because I respect you so much… and when you call me by my name… I know that you see me and care for me. The real me. When you call me by my name… I know I'm real.”
“(Y/N)...” He sighs, hand twirling your hair. “I am not honorable… I never was. I deserve your wrath… not your respect.” Let alone your affection. “By now someone must have told you.”
“Satoru said you were only protecting me to lessen your guilt,” you sit back, leaning against the other end of the tub. He doesn't look at you now, head hung over back.
“Maybe… Perhaps… but it is not the reason I will give everything to you now. I want to serve you because you are you.”
You are scared to ask, scared it will change how you see him but you have to know. “What happened that night?” You hug your legs and rest your chin on your knees, staring at him with caution. You don't think you could ever hate him. He is your only ally. He came back. But what if it will hurt too much?
Toji fills his lungs with air– with courage. He won't leave you again– even if you hate him. He will stay by your side. He's done running from good things. That night at the Zenins… your rejection… it felt like daggers to his chest. He can't take it all over again but if that is his punishment he will endure. He will not leave you again. You can scream at him, deprive him of all your affection, hate him even but he will not leave your side ever again.
“I let them in. If I had followed orders… none of it would have happened…. You wouldn't be in this situation. But… I didn't know what their intention was… I thought my father had sent my uncle on official business… I didn't know he was already dead. It was odd to come unannounced but they were my family…. I didn't know the Zenins had allied with Sukuna.” He chuckles darkly. “They only sent me to the palace to use my loyalty.”
“What do you mean?” You frown.
“Ah,” he sighs. “I was always rejected by my family. I wasn't the ideal… heir… Or something like that. When I voiced that I wanted to become a knight they sent me to serve as a royal guard instead. I couldn't decline. They told me it was so I could prove myself to them, when our queen sees fit, I would become a knight and earn their respect. But–”
“But it was simply to use your hope and loyalty… to have someone inside the castle to then exploit,” you say and he finally looks at you. “What happened then?”
Toji shrugs. “I killed 2 of my cousins in the chaos that night. I tried to get to the throne hall to protect her but…” Toji's lips twitch and he turns his face away. The bathroom is still foggy. Water droplets standing still in the air listening in. Toji scratches at the scar on his lip. “They send the monsters after me. My one weakness. They even planned for the possibility of me fighting back. There was nothing I could do. They chased me out of the city, I killed them… somehow. It was luck. I never meant to run… I– I would have protected your mother and you to the last breath like I swore when I took the oath. But… it was over already.”
“And then?”
Toji frowns at you. How can you be so calm? “I.. I became a knight in a far away kingdom… I had a nice life there for a while… called myself a different name– had a wife and a kid.” His thumb traces over his empty ring finger.
You thought he looked troubled before but it is like all his defences drop now, leaving a broken ache behind. His shoulders hurt from carrying all his sins, the skin is ragged and his bones brittle. He has always known suffering like it was interwoven into his fate. You know it before he says it. The cruelest tragedy a loving man can know.
“I couldn't protect them either.” He chews on these words, never able to stomach the taste and he never will be. His heart will always host them, as it should. And it will always hurt… as it must. “I was going to end my life… But, hah, this white stag attacked me out of nowhere… kinda hard to ignore that.”
“That is why you came back and tried to do good?”
He laughs sharply. “Yeah… do good. Least the way I know how to.”
“That night you found out… I was with a white stag? Do you think… maybe?”
His lips quirk. It isn't his usual grin but an honest smile. “I would like that.”
“Me too.”
You move to him again, bridging the gap between you and laying your head against his chest. You cannot offer condolences that would make his ache lessen but you can do one thing… “I forgive you.”
“W-what?” He stiffens up.
It would be easy to blame him… But it isn't logical. He was a chess piece like you are one now.
“I forgive you. You were used and you atoned enough– if there was anything to atone for at all. I forgive you, Sir Toji.” You look at him, smiling defiantly. “It wasn't your fault. Now that I know your story… I can say so confidently.”
Toji cups your face in his rugged hands, brushing his rough thumb against your plumb cheek. “Don't say something like this so easily–”
You put your hands over his. “But it is easy. It is you.”
He pulls you closer to himself, trying to absorb you now. He think he'd might feel whole if he'd absorb you. He thought he could never find that feeling in his heart again– he thought he had no heart left– it overwhelms him. He doesn't know what to do with it– well, except…
He kisses you intimately and deeply, taking his time. His lips move with intention, teasing and giving into you all at once. It leaves you trembling, cracks open in your chest and spill out warmth. He pulls away eventually, eyes locking together like the pieces of a riddle. He is always making you question and you are always his answer.
“Toji… I want more,” you whisper like saying it too loud will get you hanged instantly.
He sighs with tenderness, brushing your wet hair off your cheek. “You know we can't–”
Your forehead drops to his shoulder. “I don't want to– I don't…”
Toji picks you up, not bothering to dry off, carrying you to the bed. He sits you down and kneels before you with his head coming to rest on your knees. It's a harsh fate, a rotten truth, but one he cannot protect you from and one you will have to live with. “If you don't bleed tomorrow when you're with Nanami he will do worse to you.”
“I know,” your voice is so weak, so defeated and exhausted. Your hand caresses over his skull. “I do know.” And yet you crave him, your knight. You don't want to be ruined, you want to be appreciated and loved and you know Toji would do that. You lay back, looking at the ceiling of this prison. What if you would just run away right now? Just you and Toji? You could live somewhere deep in the woods. Just you and him. Why do you care what happens to this land? To its people? To the magic folk? Why is all of it your responsibility? Why do you carry it all?
Why.. do… you care?
You are your mother’s daughter.
But what does that even mean? You don't know her. You don't even know yourself.
You look down when Sir Toji's hands gently push your legs apart. You don't panic, not when it's him, but your face is full of questions. You both know you cannot… so what is he doing?
He kisses the inside of your thigh and a spark swirls in your stomach. “What are you doing?” You husk with curiosity. There is a heat pooling in the inside of your body.
He looks up with a grin, expelling the heavy air in the room again and replacing it with the familiar tension between the two of you that you like so much.
“Ah… I may not be able to fuck you–”
“Sir Toji!”
“I'll still give yer a taste, princess. Well, I'll get a taste.”
You don't understand, watching intently as his kisses move closer and closer to your core. He looks at you again and winks and it all becomes clear to you then.
“N-no– don't kiss– there–”
Your body feels electrified as his lips kiss you down there. You cannot help the little gasp escape from your mouth as your hands fly to cover it. His tongue feels so hot as it slithers in your wetness, touching all the tender spots. Your head spins, all muscles in your body tense.
“Want me to stop?”
“N-no!’ You don't want him to stop. You want more. You want to feel these feelings through. See where this heat leads, where the tension in your body goes to. You want him to get it all out of you.
“Thought so,” he hums and kisses your clit. This time he focuses on it. His gongue gldes over it, his lips close around the magical bud. It feels so good– entirely too much and don't want him to stop.
Your hands go into his hair, fingers tugging gently on his raven hair. You can't help yourself. You have no control.
“Sir Toji,” you whisper breathlessly.
“I know… ‘s okay,” he says so gingerly it tugs at your heart.
Your breath hitches and it feels like you will succumb. You don't know to what. But you will.. You just know you want to. You want it. You want more. You want him.
But the feeling fizzles out and instead you feel his hands on your cheek.
“N-no– please… Please. Don't stop,” you beg in a whisper.
“You're crying,” he mumbles and kisses the stream of teaers coming from your eyes.
Your hand raises and you touch your own cheek. Why are you crying? This feels amazing. There is nothing to cry about? No. It's not that.
“Please… It feels so good. Don't know why i am crying– Sir Toji–” You blink at him and the frown on his face seems to wash away. You follow his hand as it travels down your stomach.
Your eyes close your back twists as he applies pressure to your clit with his middle finger, slowly rubbing in circles.
“Toji–”
Your nails drag Into his flesh as your hips seem to have a mind of their own, rolling into his touch like they know a cue you don't.
He kisses and licks at your tears, swallowing your gasps with his mouth in sloppy kisses.
You want more.
You want more.
“I got you, (Y/N).”
You look at him, having a hard time keeping your eyes open as a feeling of pure bliss seems to approach. “T-Toji?”
“Fuck,” he rumbles and leans closer kissing your nose. “You're so beautiful… makes me–,” he whispers and never finishes. Toji smiles with a sort of tenderness you long for and kisses you. He will tell you another time.
Your breath seems to run out and your grip on him tightens. Something deep in you snaps, sending waves of pleasure through your body that make you moan out softly. You shake and twitch uncontrollably, feeling this addictive bliss electrify your veins with his warm skin pressing into yours.
Toji lets you down gently, showering you in soft spoken praise and those reassuring squeeze you have longed for when he was gone. He holds you, lips gracing your skin ever so gently as you catch your breath.
You loved it. You loved that he made you feel this way. You loved how close you felt to him during all of this, how much trust you could put in him.
Your knight. Friend. Your love.
And yet, you start sobbing.
It's like it cracked open a part in your soul where you have shoved every emotion into for so long. You hate it– saying yes to everyone, being adequate and small and pliable. You hate it. You hate being your mother's daughter. You hate being a saint and a legend and a price. You hate being this manufactured you. All your father has ever done was groom you into this awful thing for King Sukuna. He used you to keep his own head upon his shoulders. And Geto is just the same. You thought he was like your older brother, watching over you and teaching you, but he too used you for his own agenda. And Satoru… He has no backbone to take a stand. Only Sir Toji ever cared about you.
You are angry… and desperate and full of love to give. But it is impossible in this life you have. It is impossible to hope for anything else. The part you play has been written by everyone but yourself and there is no way out.
You will be marrying Lord Nanami tomorrow and by doing that, start a war.
“You okay?” Toji's voice is soft spoken. You smile at him and he knows it is genuine, yet your tears never stop rolling down your face.
He has lived a treacherous life but he can never fathom what you feel, what you bear on your shoulders. He would take it all on himself if he could.
You wipe your tears, though it does nothing. “That's… what that feels like?” You sniff and giggle all at once.
He chuckles, stroking through your hair. He doesn't want to say these next words but he has to. Maybe protecting you right now means saying those awful, true things to you when no one else will. It's all he can do without putting you into more danger.
He hugs you, burying his face in the crook of your neck and breathing you in like he scrapes for courage. He raises again and looks at you with a concerned frown.
He takes your hand and guides it to your core, leading your finger through your wetness.
“Feel that? Tomorrow when– you know… Try to get yourself wet like this. It will make it hurt less. Think of…” He struggles to give examples, knowing you have zero experience aside from–
“You?” You whisper, filling in the obvious.
His face softens but only for a second. He then turns away, sitting up with his back to you. He thought he was strong enough to look you in the eye while saying this, but he clearly is not. You know he turns away because he tries to hide the tears that glisten in his eyes. “Try to… appease him. Give him… something. If you resist or seem absentminded, it will only make him angry. I wish i could–”
You hug him and place a kiss on his spine. “You're doing enough, Sir Toji.”
He sighs deeply but lets you cup his face and wipe the one tear that slipped from his cheek.
“I wouldn't know what to do without you.” You whisper. He drops his head, leaning into your touch. “You look tired… let's rest.”
He is tired and he knows you are too. He knows sleep won't fix a thing.
He holds you to himself, not wanting you to slip away. Who knows when the next time will be he gets to hold you so close. His heart sinks.
Toji feels as powerless as he did back then. He prays this time he will find a solution.
“Sir Toji? Was my mother… Cruel?”
He misses no beat to answer your odd question. “No. She didn't have a cruel heart– she just had no choice and needed to protect herself and her people. At times… that meant being cruel.”
“Do you think I can be cruel too?”
Toji thinks. “Yes. But I hope you never have to be… I just mean… i can be cruel for you instead. There mustn't be any blood on your hands.”
What if it's the only way?
》》》》
“Toji?”
He jerks up but you immediately soothe the shock by reaching your hands out cupping his cheeks. “The sun is about to rise. No need to panic… we still have time. Do you have a knife?”
Toji blinks. Just Toji. You said just Toji. “My pocket?” He rasps, watching how you grab it. What would you need it for? Is he still sleeping? Is this a senseless dream? “What do you– Princess!” Toji jumps up, falling over and tumbling to you.
“It's all good,” you giggle while a deep cut oozes blood on your hand. “You see, I have a quill and paper but no ink. This must do.”
“(Y/N)...” he sighs. If you needed blood, he had given his own to you in buckets. He stares at the paper not realizing you look at him.
“Sir Toji… privacy, please.”
“Pff,” he rolls his eyes and turns away, gathering his clothes. Who would you be writing to now? Why can't he know? He wants to know. He wants to know everything regarding you.
You finish the letter and wrap your wound in a cloth. He watches carefully as you fold it up, expecting you will give it to him so he delivers it but you don't.
Instead, you step outside on the balcony. The air is crisp as the sun fights to rise above the mountains in the distance. The sky is blooming in a mix of deep blue and aggressive orange hues. A little hawk lands on the railing like it knows exactly what to do. You speak to it and it grabs the letter, soaring off with it.
Toji's mouth moves, intending to ask who it was addressed to but he loses his words seeing your shoulder rise and fall with a deep, lonely breath.
“It is my wedding day,” you say as if an invisible hand is clutching your throat. You turn to him, putting on your best, forced Smile. “I should get ready.”
Toji's heart keeps breaking on and on for you. He would do anything to free you of this fate. “(Y/N)... don't play princess with me… you don't have to.”
Your eyebrows fall and your lip quivers. “It is so scary, Sir Toji.” Your voice quakes and tears slip from your eyes. “You'll be there, right?” You twist the fabric of his sleeves, stepping closer and looking at him with panic. “In the chapel… You will sneak in, right? You'll be there… with me, right?”
“Of course,” he takes a shaky breath himself and hugs you. “(Y/N)... I can kill him. But I'll only manage to kill him– not the monk or Gojo because if I kill him the guards will kill me on the spot. It would solve this but not the root of the problem.” He explains. “Command me to and I will do it without hesitation–”
“No! Sir Toji– no. I need you to be alive for what's to come. I need my knight,” you pull away and look up at him. You smile softly but then a scowl pinches your face. You slap his chest. “Don't you dare die and leave me here alone, you hear me! Don't you dare!”
He chuckles, “I'll try.”
You nuzzle your face against his chest, squeezing as tightly as you possibly can. “I'll try too.”
There is a knock and you look at him. He reaches out one last time and cups your face, leaning down to capture your lips with sticking gentleness. “I'll be there.”
You know he will.
You watch how he climbs back the way he came then you walk inside and lay down on the bed again, pretending to just have awoken.
“Yes?” You say with a fake yawn and a herd of attending ladies walk in, ready to put you in that awful costume again.
Two hours later the ladies leave you alone and you don't recognize the woman in the mirror.
Your hair is pinned up, jewellery glistens around your neck and while the dress is simple it is still entirely wrong.
Who are you? What are you? A human being or just an asset? Kind or cruel? Complacent? Angry? Righteous? Weak?
All of it?
Geto walks in without knocking just as if that bond you once had remains. He comes up behind you, looking you over in the mirror.
“You look beautiful,” he says. His hand gently strokes over your cheek then both are heavy on your shoulders. “I think… once everything has settled down you will understand what I did for you here. You don't have to marry that monster… there is a chance for a free land, Lord Nanami will be a better king, and Satoru is safe. What more could you hope for?”
“Hm. The man who locks up children for stealing as much as some food sure will be a just king,” you sigh and Geto's hands drop from your shoulders. “You have it all figured out, Geto.”
“And if you cannot forgive me, I will learn to live with it. The people I love are safe, that's all… I… can hope for.”
“Hm. I think I want to have a moment to myself before… The ceremony starts.”
“Of course, my lady.”
Geto leaves and you wait for a second to burst. You kick at the mirror and it shatters into pieces then screams into your palm to muffle the sound. You are breaking.
Maybe all you are is rage.
All your mother’s rage when she was betrayed must have found its way into your heart. Pure. Hot. Rage.
And they will all feel it.
》》》》
It is so funny.
How you anticipate it. Hope for it. He is only dragging this on because he likes the view.
You are so uncomfortable up there with the false groom, practically waiting for your savior. He is many things but not a hero. Oh, but he'll gradly play his part.
You are radiant. It would make the greatest man feel weak. Even a monster like him.
He is watching from the back, draped in a cloak, an attendee to this hoax of a wedding with no one suspecting a thing because you aren't half dumb.
And it is quite impressive.
Your words written with blood, showing just how far you are willing to go for him.
He meant to make an example of you. Squash the last hope these peasants have who believe in your return, but maybe you are more than a saint– actually perhaps, you are a monster just like him. And how exciting would that be? You knew writing that letter would mean a little massacre to result from it. And if you didn't… even better. He can't wait to see your face.
Oh it fills him with thrill. You look so innocent and divine in all white. What will you look like when your gown is soaked in blood and you fall to your knees thanking him. When you realize all these lives have been taken because of you. Will you be terrified of what you have done? Feel guilty? Feel relief?
Oh Sukuna cannot help the grin.
He was going to break you but maybe fostering the rotten and wicked parts of you is so much more desirable. He can make you worse and he will and everyone will see wondering why their cutesy little saint princess is actually a cruel monster. That will crush them more than seeing you rot next to him.
“If you object to this union… speak now.”
Sukuna watches how your panicked eyes scan the room for him. If he waits until the union is over, will you start crying? How fun.
But, he is too impatient to see your reaction.
He gets up, dropping the hood of his cloak. “In fact, I do.”
All hell breaks loose in that moment but the man you've been looking out for the entire time is there in seconds to whisk you away to safety. One of Nanamis guards comes at you but Toji takes care of it quickly.
“What did you do?!” Sir Toji says through teeth, looking at you with wide eyes. When you look at his face like this you fear you've made everything worse.
The commotion dies down quickly and the taste of copper is on your tongue. You look up seeing Nanami's severed head on the bottom of the stairs, blood is flowing down in the puddle you so desired to see.
You feel sick.
“What poor security for an event like this,” Sukuna laughs and when he turns toward you, Toji drops to one knee and holds his head low.
He wishes you'd do the same but instead you walk close to the monster like you aren't aware of his reputation.
Sukuna watches how you step into the pooling blood, not caring at all, the ends of your white dress and veil staining crimson. His eyebrow is raised as you reach your hand out, clearing wanting him to offer his and he does because it is so peculiar. Usually everyone cowers in fear before him, especially girls like you but you just take one of his hands as you climb the few stairs to reach him then bow your head slightly.
“My king,” you speak with softness then look him straight in the eyes. “I was worried you'd be late.”
“Ha!” Sukuna is amused. “Wouldn't have missed it… the invitation was just very short notice, don't you think, princess?”
You rub the wound on your hand. “If I could have gotten word to you faster I would have, my king. I apologize.”
He takes your hand into one of his enormous ones and your cut heals.
“By the gods,” you shriek. “You truly are as powerful as they say.”
“Hm,” he chuckles with a gloating tone.
Toji frowns to himself. You could have healed yourself? What are you playing?
“Who is that?” Sukuna demands to know and Toji jumps.
Your heels click on the ground as you walk to him, your hand comes to rest on the back of his head as Toji keeps his head low.
“My knight, Sir Toji. Nanami has sent him away and I could not give him orders to contact you either but,” you softly stroke through his hair once. "He's loyal like a hound. I knew he'd be around today to assist you.”
“Rise, Sir Toji,” Sukuna says and watches closely. “What family are you affiliated with?”
Toji looks at you then back at Sukuna. “None, sire.”
“Interesting.”
“By blood he is a Zenin,” you correct. “But, that's all.”
Toji looks at you for a second with panicked eyes.
Sukuna's face twists wickedly. “But blood is thicker than water, is it not?” He looks at the huge puddle of blood.
“It is… thicker than the water of the womb.”
Sukuna chuckles. “I suppose. No– hold on… I remember you now,” Sukuna walks closer to Toji and your heart beats faster with each step. “You were the one tipping the first stone that night I killed her mother? The Zenin pawn! Yes, Toji.” Sukuna looks at you, scanning for a reaction but there is none – surprisingly. Sukuna then seizes Toji up. “Weren't you… Dead?”
Toji holds Sukuna’s cruel gaze, trying to get his words out. He doesn't know if Sukuna sees him as an ally for what he did or a concern.
“It isn't the only thing the Zenins have lied about, my king,” you say.
“Hmm… you will tell all about that later. Shall we then, princess?” He says walking ahead. You are quick to catch up with him, descending down the aisle with this four armed monster and with Toji following behind.
You all turn around again hearing coughing. “I… I won't… forgive… you,” Geto chokes, spitting blood. He is crawling to reach Satoru. Both of them are severely injured and Satoru might be dead already.
And you don't care at all.
Sukuna watches how your gaze glosses over with glacial apathy. Your fingers tighten to fists and your chin tugs up. It's a lethal stare.
“I'll learn to live with it,” you whisper with sharpness, leaving them to their own fate.
Feedback appreciated ♡