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Self Destruction

Summary: Lee Seokmin. No words could describe your love for him, how your heart raced when he was near. But you two were growing apart, his eyes and hands wandering away from yours. Now you harboured a growing hatred for the man you once loved so dearly, and as much as you wanted it to stop growing, he just kept adding fuel to the fire.

Warnings: toxic!Seokmin x toxic!fem!reader, slight Wonwoo x reader, established relationship, lovers to enemies to ???, ANGST!!!, swearing, cheating, smut MDNI 18+, unprotected sex, pet names (baby girl, pretty girl), oral sex (male receiving)

Word count: 2.4K

Author's note: Hello again! I have been on hiatus for over a year now, and have needed it honestly. But I'm back for a little while at least, and forcing myself out of hiatus by posting my first ever Seventeen fic. Honestly, it hasn't been proof read and I cannot promise it's any good, but here it is! Self Destruction is loosely inspired by a Shinso fic I wrote in 2021 called Just Kill Me (I've deleted my old masterlist but it's still rolling around on my blog if anyone wants to read it) and a line from Fight Club, "Self Improvement is masturbation, but self destruction..." and mainly fuelled by my current need for angst. Anyway, I won't hold you any longer, please enjoy my Seokmin fic Self Destruction!

This is a work of fiction and in no way is meant to represent the actions, ideals, or attitude of the idol Lee Seokmin.

Your footsteps were almost silent against the hardwood floors, soft patters competing against the roaring rain hurling into the windows. The sky was grey, covered over with heavy swollen clouds just unleashing their pain onto the world. Lighting your cigarette and taking a long, painful drag right into your lungs, you realised you could relate.

Seokmin was bent over the sink, the remnants of last night's attempt at a civilised dinner left abandoned by you both in the heat of the moment. He was attempting to patch things up again. Your arms snaked their way around his waist, fingers dancing across his stomach as you pushed your chest against his back. He stiffened, fingers halting in their quest to find the missing piece of smashed china and came to intertwine with yours.

"Did she taste as good as I do?" You punctuated the sentence with a kiss between his shoulder blades. He punctuated each word with an almost imperceptible tightening of his grip on your fingers.

"I don't know what you're talking about baby." He turned in your arms, the smile on his face not reaching his eyes. Your own smile faded, eyes scanning his features. Your chest ached. It was as if deep vines were carving and creeping their way through your lungs, forcing the oxygen out. "Who have I apparently been tasting?" He brought your hands in front of your face, his fingers still interlaced with yours. He kissed each one of your purple knuckles softly, eyes watching for any sign of discomfort.

"Seokmin, don't lie to me. I can't take it anymore. Seungcheol saw you. He caught you fucking her in the practise room." Your eyes dipped to his lips still pressed against the knuckle of your recently decorated ring finger. His own flickered up to meet yours, a brown hue you used to feel safe in, now you only wanted him to keep that brown far away from you.

"You're disgusting, you know that?" You pulled your hands away, stepping backwards. He only followed, his larger hands reaching for yours again.

"Baby-"

"Do not baby me." Turning on your heel, you left him alone again. Like you always did, before he could do the same to you.

The next morning Seokmin left you in that large, cold bed without so much as a word of goodbye. But you wouldn’t be alone for long.

Your breath escaped you as Wonwoo bullied his cock into you again and again. The grip he held on the back of your thighs as he folded you into a mating press was bruising. The sickening sound of skin hitting skin as he pounded your body further into your and Seokmin’s shared bed echoing through the room. You captured his lips with yours, carving red claw marks down his back as his hand left your thigh and slipped between your bodies to rub circles into your clit.

“I’m not going to last much longer.” He said between kisses.

“Then fuck me harder and make me cum quicker.”

“Watch that dirty mouth of yours or I won’t let you cum at all.” His tongue was back in your mouth, fighting for dominance against your own as he sped up his fingers against your throbbing clit and angled his hips to hit that spot inside of you that had you seeing stars. The air was hot, you could barely breathe, and Wonwoo pulled his mouth from yours in favour of burrowing his face in the space between your neck and your shoulder. Your end came before his, your walls fluttering and tightening around his cock, trying to milk him dry. He followed soon after, pulling out and painting your stomach. It was always in this moment that you wished you could end things with Wonwoo. Wished that you could trust Seokmin to never cheat on you again, to be with him like this and only him. But until he learned to keep it in his trousers, you wouldn’t keep it in yours. And Wonwoo was always more than willing to indulge you. He stood from the bed, grabbing a tissue box from your ensuite and throwing it at you. This moment also always passed in silence. You didn’t need words of comfort from Wonwoo or aftercare, you got what you wanted and so did he. All that was left to do now was hide the evidence.

Seokmin came home early from practise that evening, saying something about Seungcheol not wanting him to be there until this was sorted out. You laughed at that, a short harsh sound pushing it way out of your lungs. You pushed the plate of food towards him, and he thanked you quietly. Dinners used to be filled with laughter, talking about your future together. Now they mainly passed in silence, with the occasional screaming match thrown in.

“Wonwoo was late to practise again today.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, covered in fresh scratch marks from his new secret girlfriend. Chan was making fun of him all while I was there.” You nodded along, pushing the food around on your plate. He stood, taking his plate and placing it into the sink. The accusation was clear but left unspoken.

Seokmin spent the evening draining your liquor cabinet as you watched and occasionally joined him. He was quiet, usually a tall ask for the man, but tonight he couldn’t muster up the courage to say the words he wanted to say. I hate the thought of you and him. Him and you. You belong to me. You whore. You harlot, you liar. I wish I had never met you. I wish I could leave you. I wish –

Your own thoughts were swirling around your head like dark clouds. Painful, heavy things that took all your willpower to ignore. You wanted to confront him again, but just a glance at the hole you’d left in the wall last time and your slowly healing knuckles halted that idea. You wanted so desperately to be able to fall into his arms again, but it wasn’t meant to be. The very idea brought tears to your eyes, a common occurrence after you’d indulged your more painful thoughts. Seokmin noticed this, he always did, but unlike all those other times he moved to you. He pulled you onto the sofa with him, wrapping his strong arms around you and pulling you close. His thoughts stopped at this exact moment, all hatred he harboured for you falling from him like the tears from your eyes. He shushed you, pressing soft kisses across your face.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for betraying you like that again my pretty girl.”

“I’m sorry too. I don’t know what came over me.” He kissed you deeper this time, with more passion than he has done for the past few months. You pulled him closer by his collar, silently begging for more. He pulled away, scanning for any sign of hesitation before taking you in his arms and carrying you to the bedroom.

The sheets were clean from the day. The tissue box was back in the ensuite.

He threw you onto the bed before climbing on top of you and pressing kisses across your collarbones. Your hands found the straps of your shirt and pulled them down, allowing him more access to your burning skin. His kisses were sloppy, full of a fire that you never wanted to extinguish. His hands caressed your body, tracing lines from your thighs to your hips, then climbing to cup your breasts through your shirt. You moaned softly, encouraging him to dip his fingers beneath the material of your shirt and unclasp your bra. His mouth found yours again as you undressed underneath him, allowing his hands to have free roam over your breasts, to play with you and draw out those noises he so loved.

Noises that Wonwoo got to pull from you as well.

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and focused on pulling more of those noises from you. He would fuck you – no, make love to you – better than Wonwoo ever did. You were Seokmin’s after all. His fingers dropped from your chest as his mouth left yours. “You’re such a needy girl baby.” You nodded, chasing his lips with your own. A laugh left him and his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your skirt and traced the top of your panties. You nodded, giving permission for him to use you as he so desired. And he did.

His fingers were one of the things you loved most about Seokmin. His long, slender fingers dipped into your panties and found your clit. He began to draw lazy circles as you keened under him. “That’s it baby girl, am I making you feel good?” Your moans answered him and gave flight to his ego once more. “Yes Minnie, oh god yes. Don’t stop.” You pulled his face back to yours, forcing him to kiss you once more. His fingers sped up as he swallowed more of your moans. Your hands dipped to his belt, untying it and moving his zipper. You could feel his bulge through his jeans before slipping your hand into them and caressing him through his boxers. Now it was his turn to moan into your open mouth, fingers moving from your clit to circle your hole. You were clenching around nothing, just a mess waiting for Seokmin to stretch you out again. He pulled away, his warmth leaving you.

“Undress for me baby. Please.” It took only a moment for you to shimmy out of your skirt and panties while Seokmin undressed at the end of the bed. You couldn’t hold back the moan that bubbled from your chest as his cock sprung free from his boxers, precum already leaking from the tip.

“Can I taste you? Please Seokmin?” You raised yourself up to your knees, a pout playing on your lips as Seokmin groaned.

“Fuck yes my pretty little thing.” His hands reached for your face to bring you closer. You placed one hand around the base of him before placing a soft, delicate kiss to his tip. Wrapping your lips around the head of his cock you glanced up at Seokmin. His face was flushed, eyes trained on your every movement. His mouth was dropped open, moans leaving him as you moved your head back and forth, working your tongue along him as you hollowed your cheeks. His hands tangled in your hair, a makeshift ponytail the only thing grounding him while you worked him, wrapped your tongue around his cock and played him like a fiddle.

“Fuck, just like that baby. God you’re so much better than her.” You pulled off him, hands scrambling to push him away from you.

“What the fuck Seokmin? What did you just say?” The panic was evident on his face. He didn’t mean for it to slip out. Oh god maybe he did, maybe he wanted to hurt you in that moment while all he could think about was your mouth around Wonwoo.

“Baby, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean it, I don’t know what came over me.” He reached out for you, but you swatted his hand away, pushing yourself back up the bed and away from him. You scrambled to cover yourself with your discarded shirt. He stood still.

“What the fuck do you mean you didn’t mean it?” Your words were dripping in venom, face contorted in disgust and pain. You could feel your eyes welling with tears.

“I mean…” He paused. “Fuck, look, I don’t know why I said it. I thought in the moment-“

“In the moment? What, while your cock was in my mouth you thought I wanted to hear your detailed thoughts about who’s better at sucking your dick, your fiancé or another one of your backup dancers?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” You threw a pillow at him, but he just caught it and held it across himself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The room went silent, just the sound of your breathing to be heard.

“Well, you did. You fucking did. You’re disgusting.”

“Oh, fuck off!” He was shouting now. “Fuck off with your self-pity bullshit. Like you weren’t lying there thinking of him this whole time.” He threw the pillow back at you, his face and chest flushed again, but this time out of anger. “I can’t fucking stand you anymore, I can’t sit there and watch you spread your legs for my best fucking friend and then turn around and belittle me.”

“Because at least I only fuck the same guy behind your back! I don’t parade myself around and fuck the first girl I see that day who takes my fancy. I don’t sit there and let makeup artists or hair stylists or journalists suck my cock or leave lipstick marks on my shirts!” You were crying again now. Dragging yourself up from the bed, you started pulling clothes from your wardrobe.

“What the hell are you doing now?” You threw on underwear and the first shirt you could get your hands on before throwing some clothes at Seokmin.

“I can’t. I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend like this isn’t killing me, like this is healthy anymore.” He was dressing with you as you packed up a bag.

“What? Wait, no you can’t-“

You stretched out your hand to Seokmin, the ring placed in the middle of your palm. Seokmin just stood there staring at it, eyes unblinking, unmoving. You took his hand and placed the ring in his palm, stepping backwards, away from him for good.

“You can’t be serious. Please.” His voice wavered. It never did that before. In all the time you’ve known him, loved him, he’d never once shown any sadness during a fight, never once been so obviously afraid. “I can’t do this without you. I need you, please.” He reached for you again and you stepped back. The repetition of all of this was infuriating. Maddening. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it anymore.

This was when the storm started. That dark, heavy storm that battered the house and rattled the windows. The pair of you stood there in silence, tears falling from the both of you. But as much as your heart was breaking, you couldn’t find it in yourself to go to him. You had reached the point of no return.

“I want you gone by the morning. Please.” And with that, you turned and walked away, leaving Seokmin alone in that bedroom that was now too big and too cold.

Your footsteps were almost silent against the hardwood floors, soft patters competing against the roaring rain hurling into the windows. The sky was grey, covered over with heavy swollen clouds just unleashing their pain onto the world. Lighting your cigarette and taking a long, painful drag right into your lungs, you realised that the two of you could never come back from any of this.

I did it!! I finished my first ever Seventeen fic 🥹

I cannot promise it’s any good, so feedback would be much appreciated!! Thank you all so much 💜

Self Destruction

Summary: Lee Seokmin. No words could describe your love for him, how your heart raced when he was near. But you two were growing apart, his eyes and hands wandering away from yours. Now you harboured a growing hatred for the man you once loved so dearly, and as much as you wanted it to stop growing, he just kept adding fuel to the fire.

Warnings: toxic!Seokmin x toxic!fem!reader, slight Wonwoo x reader, established relationship, lovers to enemies to ???, ANGST!!!, swearing, cheating, smut MDNI 18+, unprotected sex, pet names (baby girl, pretty girl), oral sex (male receiving)

Word count: 2.4K

Author's note: Hello again! I have been on hiatus for over a year now, and have needed it honestly. But I'm back for a little while at least, and forcing myself out of hiatus by posting my first ever Seventeen fic. Honestly, it hasn't been proof read and I cannot promise it's any good, but here it is! Self Destruction is loosely inspired by a Shinso fic I wrote in 2021 called Just Kill Me (I've deleted my old masterlist but it's still rolling around on my blog if anyone wants to read it) and a line from Fight Club, "Self Improvement is masturbation, but self destruction..." and mainly fuelled by my current need for angst. Anyway, I won't hold you any longer, please enjoy my Seokmin fic Self Destruction!

This is a work of fiction and in no way is meant to represent the actions, ideals, or attitude of the idol Lee Seokmin.

Your footsteps were almost silent against the hardwood floors, soft patters competing against the roaring rain hurling into the windows. The sky was grey, covered over with heavy swollen clouds just unleashing their pain onto the world. Lighting your cigarette and taking a long, painful drag right into your lungs, you realised you could relate.

Seokmin was bent over the sink, the remnants of last night's attempt at a civilised dinner left abandoned by you both in the heat of the moment. He was attempting to patch things up again. Your arms snaked their way around his waist, fingers dancing across his stomach as you pushed your chest against his back. He stiffened, fingers halting in their quest to find the missing piece of smashed china and came to intertwine with yours.

"Did she taste as good as I do?" You punctuated the sentence with a kiss between his shoulder blades. He punctuated each word with an almost imperceptible tightening of his grip on your fingers.

"I don't know what you're talking about baby." He turned in your arms, the smile on his face not reaching his eyes. Your own smile faded, eyes scanning his features. Your chest ached. It was as if deep vines were carving and creeping their way through your lungs, forcing the oxygen out. "Who have I apparently been tasting?" He brought your hands in front of your face, his fingers still interlaced with yours. He kissed each one of your purple knuckles softly, eyes watching for any sign of discomfort.

"Seokmin, don't lie to me. I can't take it anymore. Seungcheol saw you. He caught you fucking her in the practise room." Your eyes dipped to his lips still pressed against the knuckle of your recently decorated ring finger. His own flickered up to meet yours, a brown hue you used to feel safe in, now you only wanted him to keep that brown far away from you.

"You're disgusting, you know that?" You pulled your hands away, stepping backwards. He only followed, his larger hands reaching for yours again.

"Baby-"

"Do not baby me." Turning on your heel, you left him alone again. Like you always did, before he could do the same to you.

The next morning Seokmin left you in that large, cold bed without so much as a word of goodbye. But you wouldn’t be alone for long.

Your breath escaped you as Wonwoo bullied his cock into you again and again. The grip he held on the back of your thighs as he folded you into a mating press was bruising. The sickening sound of skin hitting skin as he pounded your body further into your and Seokmin’s shared bed echoing through the room. You captured his lips with yours, carving red claw marks down his back as his hand left your thigh and slipped between your bodies to rub circles into your clit.

“I’m not going to last much longer.” He said between kisses.

“Then fuck me harder and make me cum quicker.”

“Watch that dirty mouth of yours or I won’t let you cum at all.” His tongue was back in your mouth, fighting for dominance against your own as he sped up his fingers against your throbbing clit and angled his hips to hit that spot inside of you that had you seeing stars. The air was hot, you could barely breathe, and Wonwoo pulled his mouth from yours in favour of burrowing his face in the space between your neck and your shoulder. Your end came before his, your walls fluttering and tightening around his cock, trying to milk him dry. He followed soon after, pulling out and painting your stomach. It was always in this moment that you wished you could end things with Wonwoo. Wished that you could trust Seokmin to never cheat on you again, to be with him like this and only him. But until he learned to keep it in his trousers, you wouldn’t keep it in yours. And Wonwoo was always more than willing to indulge you. He stood from the bed, grabbing a tissue box from your ensuite and throwing it at you. This moment also always passed in silence. You didn’t need words of comfort from Wonwoo or aftercare, you got what you wanted and so did he. All that was left to do now was hide the evidence.

Seokmin came home early from practise that evening, saying something about Seungcheol not wanting him to be there until this was sorted out. You laughed at that, a short harsh sound pushing it way out of your lungs. You pushed the plate of food towards him, and he thanked you quietly. Dinners used to be filled with laughter, talking about your future together. Now they mainly passed in silence, with the occasional screaming match thrown in.

“Wonwoo was late to practise again today.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, covered in fresh scratch marks from his new secret girlfriend. Chan was making fun of him all while I was there.” You nodded along, pushing the food around on your plate. He stood, taking his plate and placing it into the sink. The accusation was clear but left unspoken.

Seokmin spent the evening draining your liquor cabinet as you watched and occasionally joined him. He was quiet, usually a tall ask for the man, but tonight he couldn’t muster up the courage to say the words he wanted to say. I hate the thought of you and him. Him and you. You belong to me. You whore. You harlot, you liar. I wish I had never met you. I wish I could leave you. I wish –

Your own thoughts were swirling around your head like dark clouds. Painful, heavy things that took all your willpower to ignore. You wanted to confront him again, but just a glance at the hole you’d left in the wall last time and your slowly healing knuckles halted that idea. You wanted so desperately to be able to fall into his arms again, but it wasn’t meant to be. The very idea brought tears to your eyes, a common occurrence after you’d indulged your more painful thoughts. Seokmin noticed this, he always did, but unlike all those other times he moved to you. He pulled you onto the sofa with him, wrapping his strong arms around you and pulling you close. His thoughts stopped at this exact moment, all hatred he harboured for you falling from him like the tears from your eyes. He shushed you, pressing soft kisses across your face.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for betraying you like that again my pretty girl.”

“I’m sorry too. I don’t know what came over me.” He kissed you deeper this time, with more passion than he has done for the past few months. You pulled him closer by his collar, silently begging for more. He pulled away, scanning for any sign of hesitation before taking you in his arms and carrying you to the bedroom.

The sheets were clean from the day. The tissue box was back in the ensuite.

He threw you onto the bed before climbing on top of you and pressing kisses across your collarbones. Your hands found the straps of your shirt and pulled them down, allowing him more access to your burning skin. His kisses were sloppy, full of a fire that you never wanted to extinguish. His hands caressed your body, tracing lines from your thighs to your hips, then climbing to cup your breasts through your shirt. You moaned softly, encouraging him to dip his fingers beneath the material of your shirt and unclasp your bra. His mouth found yours again as you undressed underneath him, allowing his hands to have free roam over your breasts, to play with you and draw out those noises he so loved.

Noises that Wonwoo got to pull from you as well.

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and focused on pulling more of those noises from you. He would fuck you – no, make love to you – better than Wonwoo ever did. You were Seokmin’s after all. His fingers dropped from your chest as his mouth left yours. “You’re such a needy girl baby.” You nodded, chasing his lips with your own. A laugh left him and his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your skirt and traced the top of your panties. You nodded, giving permission for him to use you as he so desired. And he did.

His fingers were one of the things you loved most about Seokmin. His long, slender fingers dipped into your panties and found your clit. He began to draw lazy circles as you keened under him. “That’s it baby girl, am I making you feel good?” Your moans answered him and gave flight to his ego once more. “Yes Minnie, oh god yes. Don’t stop.” You pulled his face back to yours, forcing him to kiss you once more. His fingers sped up as he swallowed more of your moans. Your hands dipped to his belt, untying it and moving his zipper. You could feel his bulge through his jeans before slipping your hand into them and caressing him through his boxers. Now it was his turn to moan into your open mouth, fingers moving from your clit to circle your hole. You were clenching around nothing, just a mess waiting for Seokmin to stretch you out again. He pulled away, his warmth leaving you.

“Undress for me baby. Please.” It took only a moment for you to shimmy out of your skirt and panties while Seokmin undressed at the end of the bed. You couldn’t hold back the moan that bubbled from your chest as his cock sprung free from his boxers, precum already leaking from the tip.

“Can I taste you? Please Seokmin?” You raised yourself up to your knees, a pout playing on your lips as Seokmin groaned.

“Fuck yes my pretty little thing.” His hands reached for your face to bring you closer. You placed one hand around the base of him before placing a soft, delicate kiss to his tip. Wrapping your lips around the head of his cock you glanced up at Seokmin. His face was flushed, eyes trained on your every movement. His mouth was dropped open, moans leaving him as you moved your head back and forth, working your tongue along him as you hollowed your cheeks. His hands tangled in your hair, a makeshift ponytail the only thing grounding him while you worked him, wrapped your tongue around his cock and played him like a fiddle.

“Fuck, just like that baby. God you’re so much better than her.” You pulled off him, hands scrambling to push him away from you.

“What the fuck Seokmin? What did you just say?” The panic was evident on his face. He didn’t mean for it to slip out. Oh god maybe he did, maybe he wanted to hurt you in that moment while all he could think about was your mouth around Wonwoo.

“Baby, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean it, I don’t know what came over me.” He reached out for you, but you swatted his hand away, pushing yourself back up the bed and away from him. You scrambled to cover yourself with your discarded shirt. He stood still.

“What the fuck do you mean you didn’t mean it?” Your words were dripping in venom, face contorted in disgust and pain. You could feel your eyes welling with tears.

“I mean…” He paused. “Fuck, look, I don’t know why I said it. I thought in the moment-“

“In the moment? What, while your cock was in my mouth you thought I wanted to hear your detailed thoughts about who’s better at sucking your dick, your fiancé or another one of your backup dancers?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” You threw a pillow at him, but he just caught it and held it across himself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The room went silent, just the sound of your breathing to be heard.

“Well, you did. You fucking did. You’re disgusting.”

“Oh, fuck off!” He was shouting now. “Fuck off with your self-pity bullshit. Like you weren’t lying there thinking of him this whole time.” He threw the pillow back at you, his face and chest flushed again, but this time out of anger. “I can’t fucking stand you anymore, I can’t sit there and watch you spread your legs for my best fucking friend and then turn around and belittle me.”

“Because at least I only fuck the same guy behind your back! I don’t parade myself around and fuck the first girl I see that day who takes my fancy. I don’t sit there and let makeup artists or hair stylists or journalists suck my cock or leave lipstick marks on my shirts!” You were crying again now. Dragging yourself up from the bed, you started pulling clothes from your wardrobe.

“What the hell are you doing now?” You threw on underwear and the first shirt you could get your hands on before throwing some clothes at Seokmin.

“I can’t. I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend like this isn’t killing me, like this is healthy anymore.” He was dressing with you as you packed up a bag.

“What? Wait, no you can’t-“

You stretched out your hand to Seokmin, the ring placed in the middle of your palm. Seokmin just stood there staring at it, eyes unblinking, unmoving. You took his hand and placed the ring in his palm, stepping backwards, away from him for good.

“You can’t be serious. Please.” His voice wavered. It never did that before. In all the time you’ve known him, loved him, he’d never once shown any sadness during a fight, never once been so obviously afraid. “I can’t do this without you. I need you, please.” He reached for you again and you stepped back. The repetition of all of this was infuriating. Maddening. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it anymore.

This was when the storm started. That dark, heavy storm that battered the house and rattled the windows. The pair of you stood there in silence, tears falling from the both of you. But as much as your heart was breaking, you couldn’t find it in yourself to go to him. You had reached the point of no return.

“I want you gone by the morning. Please.” And with that, you turned and walked away, leaving Seokmin alone in that bedroom that was now too big and too cold.

Your footsteps were almost silent against the hardwood floors, soft patters competing against the roaring rain hurling into the windows. The sky was grey, covered over with heavy swollen clouds just unleashing their pain onto the world. Lighting your cigarette and taking a long, painful drag right into your lungs, you realised that the two of you could never come back from any of this.