Dokyeom Angst - Tumblr Posts

Paring: LSM x fem!reader 

Requested: No

Genre:  soulmates!au, angst

Warning(s):  sad

Summary: Seokmin loves love. But love doesn't love him back.

Word count:  788

Other works 

disclaimer: this is not the exact representation of the subjects in real life. I just use them for my inspiration. 

a/n: I would greatly appreciate it if all of you could take a moment to comment on this fic. As an author, I find great value in your feedback, as it allows me to better comprehend my readers, and I thoroughly enjoy interacting with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcome, so don't hesitate to talk about this fic or send me an ask. So please don’t be a silent reader.

a/n2: I don't know if I will make this into a series, but do tell me if you want me to do so!

[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise]

Seokmin loves love. He looks at young lovers in the park sitting on a bench, leaning on each other or holding hands, and he hopes they stay like that forever. Hell, if he could, his official profession would be matchmaking. But after a bit of a trial run during his uni days, the man understood that he is horrendous at it. He has more chances of pairing Mingyu’s socks than pairing two humans. What can he say—he just likes to bring people together. The only problem is that he’s far more impatient than an alpha particle roaming around in a chamber.

Now, it must not come as a shock to you that this man has indeed fallen in love and, like most of us in this universe, has had his heart broken too. I mean, it was his fault for falling in love with a woman who had another man’s name written in the script of her fate. But hey, love is love. You never understand when it will attack, and, being the defenseless fool you are, you just fall for it.

Seokmin understands it was never meant to be, but that doesn’t mean he loved her any less. Unlike most, he was devoted to Somin. He loved her like a poet loves his poem, like the paper loves its pen, like the sunflower loves the sun. He remembers how his world would light up the minute she came into his peripheral vision. He loved her with every breath he took and every drop of water he drank.

But like every other forbidden relationship, this one didn’t last. Somin found her fated mate, her soulmate. And just like water melting from a glacier, she seeped away from his life with a sad look of apology toward Seokmin and an enchanting smile for her one and only.

Was Seokmin sad? Obviously, he was! Who wouldn’t be? That night, he drank like there was no tomorrow, and Chan still brings it up sometimes: “Hyung looked like he wanted to crush that new dude of his ex, but also looked scared when he remembered his face.” I mean, obviously, that man was built like a truck. As much as Seokmin claims he likes to do push-ups and lift, he could never be the hunk of a man Seungcheol is. Never!

But even after all that, he could never get angry at anyone. It was his and solely his fault for falling in love with a woman who was not fated to be his. The blame falls on him, no one else. They had promised to be each other’s forever, but somewhere deep down, he knew it wouldn’t last. He knew that all those talks were just talks. So when the inevitable happened, he wasn’t angry at her—just happy. No matter how brutally she broke his heart, she deserved to be loved the right way, and so did her soulmate. He would have broken off the relationship anyway the minute he knew about Seungcheol—no questions asked.

Now, this brings us to this very gloomy, rainy day at the bus stop. Seokmin hates the rain; it reminds him of tears, and he hates to see the sky cry. But everyone’s gotta cry once in a while, so he’ll let it go this time.

This is when he feels it—the sting on his back where his mark is. The beautiful fish painted on his skin feels alive. Not even a minute after the sting, he feels it—the pull, the pull to look at the passengers getting off the bus.

That’s when he sees her: the literal definition of beauty and grace, the beautiful butterfly in this gloomy world. His one and only soulmate. You.

That’s when you look at him, feeling the pull too. It seems as though the world has stopped for Seokmin. Time has allowed him this moment to stare at you and take in your grace and beauty. And suddenly, he realizes you’re heading straight for him. Straightening his back, he looks at you expectantly, hoping to hear your name pour out of those beautiful, glossy, plump lips of yours. And then he sees them move. But he doesn’t understand what you’re saying, because your beauty has rendered him speechless.

Then he hears the words—those ominous words that will haunt him for the rest of his life, maybe even eternity: “I don’t believe in soulmates, so let’s never fucking meet each other again, ever!”

And before the boy can even process the words you’ve just thrown at him, you’re walking away. And just like that, the Seoul rush engulfs you like a sea monster, not letting Seokmin reach you to at least ask why.

a/n: thank you so much for reading, please don’t forget to leave a review

lee seokmin + "marry me. right here. right now."

@bluehoodiewoozi has a prompt wheel. i told her i wanted to break the wheel

“marry me.” seokmin’s eyes are hopeful as they stare back at your wide ones.

“you’re insane, min.”

and you’re right. seokmin is insane for proposing to you now.

“c’mon. right here, right now. what do we have to lose?”

another meteor flies above your heads. you’re fairly certain the blast would’ve caused ringing in your ears, if your left eardrum hadn’t burst from an earlier explosion. you stumble into his arms from its impact as the giant space rock crashing into the next neighbourhood over. a protective hand pulls you flush against his chest, shielding your head against the sudden dusty winds.

you know you could always trust on seokmin to catch you.

still, his words ring clear in your mind. you push him away with what little strength you have left. your knuckles whiten along with the death grip you have on his shirt. “min, stop with the nonsense!”

for once, ever since the world’s end was announced, seokmin stops smiling. oh, you realise. he’s not joking. “…y/n, please.” he kneels down before you, offering up a ring as he clasps his hands in yours. it’s a flower ring, you note. you noticed he was twisting the poor flower earlier, but you didn’t know it was for this.

ferocious winds whip your hair back, the charred fabric of your shirt flapping in the wind. you try to urge seokmin to stand up, to run away from the oncoming blaze, but he’s still staring up at you with that stupid, dopey smile of his.

“seokmin, get up! we have to go!”

your words fly over him. “please? we can get wonwoo to officiate. hao and gyu can be our flower girls!”

he’s smiling widely at you, but there are tears pooling in his eyes.

“lee seokmin…” your free hand cups his chin. he nuzzles into it, eyes closed with content. your throat tightens up as you choke your next words out. “the world is falling apart.” you sniff. “we can’t–“

“we can! right here, right now…” he scrambles to his feet, this time both his hands enveloping yours. it’s a familiar comfort, how his thumbs rub over your knuckles. they’ve gotten rough with scratches, but your heart tugs at how gentle he’s treating you still. he slides the flower onto your ring finger, and you can’t help but choke back a sob.

he’s right: what more is there to lose? at the very least, you’ll be going out as lee seokmin’s wife; is that so bad? it’s a title you thought you would hold in at least a few more years.

you finally nod, tears falling freely down your face. from the corner of your eye, you spot wonwoo frantically waving at the both of you to run to safety… not that anywhere seemed safe enough anymore. you wear your own toothy grin, the very one seokmin falls in love everyday with, and you give his hands a tight squeeze.

“…okay. let’s get married.”

Self Destruction

Summary: Lee Seokmin. No words could describe your love for him, how your heart raced when he was near. But you two were growing apart, his eyes and hands wandering away from yours. Now you harboured a growing hatred for the man you once loved so dearly, and as much as you wanted it to stop growing, he just kept adding fuel to the fire.

Warnings: toxic!Seokmin x toxic!fem!reader, slight Wonwoo x reader, established relationship, lovers to enemies to ???, ANGST!!!, swearing, cheating, smut MDNI 18+, unprotected sex, pet names (baby girl, pretty girl), oral sex (male receiving)

Word count: 2.4K

Author's note: Hello again! I have been on hiatus for over a year now, and have needed it honestly. But I'm back for a little while at least, and forcing myself out of hiatus by posting my first ever Seventeen fic. Honestly, it hasn't been proof read and I cannot promise it's any good, but here it is! Self Destruction is loosely inspired by a Shinso fic I wrote in 2021 called Just Kill Me (I've deleted my old masterlist but it's still rolling around on my blog if anyone wants to read it) and a line from Fight Club, "Self Improvement is masturbation, but self destruction..." and mainly fuelled by my current need for angst. Anyway, I won't hold you any longer, please enjoy my Seokmin fic Self Destruction!

This is a work of fiction and in no way is meant to represent the actions, ideals, or attitude of the idol Lee Seokmin.

Your footsteps were almost silent against the hardwood floors, soft patters competing against the roaring rain hurling into the windows. The sky was grey, covered over with heavy swollen clouds just unleashing their pain onto the world. Lighting your cigarette and taking a long, painful drag right into your lungs, you realised you could relate.

Seokmin was bent over the sink, the remnants of last night's attempt at a civilised dinner left abandoned by you both in the heat of the moment. He was attempting to patch things up again. Your arms snaked their way around his waist, fingers dancing across his stomach as you pushed your chest against his back. He stiffened, fingers halting in their quest to find the missing piece of smashed china and came to intertwine with yours.

"Did she taste as good as I do?" You punctuated the sentence with a kiss between his shoulder blades. He punctuated each word with an almost imperceptible tightening of his grip on your fingers.

"I don't know what you're talking about baby." He turned in your arms, the smile on his face not reaching his eyes. Your own smile faded, eyes scanning his features. Your chest ached. It was as if deep vines were carving and creeping their way through your lungs, forcing the oxygen out. "Who have I apparently been tasting?" He brought your hands in front of your face, his fingers still interlaced with yours. He kissed each one of your purple knuckles softly, eyes watching for any sign of discomfort.

"Seokmin, don't lie to me. I can't take it anymore. Seungcheol saw you. He caught you fucking her in the practise room." Your eyes dipped to his lips still pressed against the knuckle of your recently decorated ring finger. His own flickered up to meet yours, a brown hue you used to feel safe in, now you only wanted him to keep that brown far away from you.

"You're disgusting, you know that?" You pulled your hands away, stepping backwards. He only followed, his larger hands reaching for yours again.

"Baby-"

"Do not baby me." Turning on your heel, you left him alone again. Like you always did, before he could do the same to you.

The next morning Seokmin left you in that large, cold bed without so much as a word of goodbye. But you wouldn’t be alone for long.

Your breath escaped you as Wonwoo bullied his cock into you again and again. The grip he held on the back of your thighs as he folded you into a mating press was bruising. The sickening sound of skin hitting skin as he pounded your body further into your and Seokmin’s shared bed echoing through the room. You captured his lips with yours, carving red claw marks down his back as his hand left your thigh and slipped between your bodies to rub circles into your clit.

“I’m not going to last much longer.” He said between kisses.

“Then fuck me harder and make me cum quicker.”

“Watch that dirty mouth of yours or I won’t let you cum at all.” His tongue was back in your mouth, fighting for dominance against your own as he sped up his fingers against your throbbing clit and angled his hips to hit that spot inside of you that had you seeing stars. The air was hot, you could barely breathe, and Wonwoo pulled his mouth from yours in favour of burrowing his face in the space between your neck and your shoulder. Your end came before his, your walls fluttering and tightening around his cock, trying to milk him dry. He followed soon after, pulling out and painting your stomach. It was always in this moment that you wished you could end things with Wonwoo. Wished that you could trust Seokmin to never cheat on you again, to be with him like this and only him. But until he learned to keep it in his trousers, you wouldn’t keep it in yours. And Wonwoo was always more than willing to indulge you. He stood from the bed, grabbing a tissue box from your ensuite and throwing it at you. This moment also always passed in silence. You didn’t need words of comfort from Wonwoo or aftercare, you got what you wanted and so did he. All that was left to do now was hide the evidence.

Seokmin came home early from practise that evening, saying something about Seungcheol not wanting him to be there until this was sorted out. You laughed at that, a short harsh sound pushing it way out of your lungs. You pushed the plate of food towards him, and he thanked you quietly. Dinners used to be filled with laughter, talking about your future together. Now they mainly passed in silence, with the occasional screaming match thrown in.

“Wonwoo was late to practise again today.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, covered in fresh scratch marks from his new secret girlfriend. Chan was making fun of him all while I was there.” You nodded along, pushing the food around on your plate. He stood, taking his plate and placing it into the sink. The accusation was clear but left unspoken.

Seokmin spent the evening draining your liquor cabinet as you watched and occasionally joined him. He was quiet, usually a tall ask for the man, but tonight he couldn’t muster up the courage to say the words he wanted to say. I hate the thought of you and him. Him and you. You belong to me. You whore. You harlot, you liar. I wish I had never met you. I wish I could leave you. I wish –

Your own thoughts were swirling around your head like dark clouds. Painful, heavy things that took all your willpower to ignore. You wanted to confront him again, but just a glance at the hole you’d left in the wall last time and your slowly healing knuckles halted that idea. You wanted so desperately to be able to fall into his arms again, but it wasn’t meant to be. The very idea brought tears to your eyes, a common occurrence after you’d indulged your more painful thoughts. Seokmin noticed this, he always did, but unlike all those other times he moved to you. He pulled you onto the sofa with him, wrapping his strong arms around you and pulling you close. His thoughts stopped at this exact moment, all hatred he harboured for you falling from him like the tears from your eyes. He shushed you, pressing soft kisses across your face.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for betraying you like that again my pretty girl.”

“I’m sorry too. I don’t know what came over me.” He kissed you deeper this time, with more passion than he has done for the past few months. You pulled him closer by his collar, silently begging for more. He pulled away, scanning for any sign of hesitation before taking you in his arms and carrying you to the bedroom.

The sheets were clean from the day. The tissue box was back in the ensuite.

He threw you onto the bed before climbing on top of you and pressing kisses across your collarbones. Your hands found the straps of your shirt and pulled them down, allowing him more access to your burning skin. His kisses were sloppy, full of a fire that you never wanted to extinguish. His hands caressed your body, tracing lines from your thighs to your hips, then climbing to cup your breasts through your shirt. You moaned softly, encouraging him to dip his fingers beneath the material of your shirt and unclasp your bra. His mouth found yours again as you undressed underneath him, allowing his hands to have free roam over your breasts, to play with you and draw out those noises he so loved.

Noises that Wonwoo got to pull from you as well.

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and focused on pulling more of those noises from you. He would fuck you – no, make love to you – better than Wonwoo ever did. You were Seokmin’s after all. His fingers dropped from your chest as his mouth left yours. “You’re such a needy girl baby.” You nodded, chasing his lips with your own. A laugh left him and his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your skirt and traced the top of your panties. You nodded, giving permission for him to use you as he so desired. And he did.

His fingers were one of the things you loved most about Seokmin. His long, slender fingers dipped into your panties and found your clit. He began to draw lazy circles as you keened under him. “That’s it baby girl, am I making you feel good?” Your moans answered him and gave flight to his ego once more. “Yes Minnie, oh god yes. Don’t stop.” You pulled his face back to yours, forcing him to kiss you once more. His fingers sped up as he swallowed more of your moans. Your hands dipped to his belt, untying it and moving his zipper. You could feel his bulge through his jeans before slipping your hand into them and caressing him through his boxers. Now it was his turn to moan into your open mouth, fingers moving from your clit to circle your hole. You were clenching around nothing, just a mess waiting for Seokmin to stretch you out again. He pulled away, his warmth leaving you.

“Undress for me baby. Please.” It took only a moment for you to shimmy out of your skirt and panties while Seokmin undressed at the end of the bed. You couldn’t hold back the moan that bubbled from your chest as his cock sprung free from his boxers, precum already leaking from the tip.

“Can I taste you? Please Seokmin?” You raised yourself up to your knees, a pout playing on your lips as Seokmin groaned.

“Fuck yes my pretty little thing.” His hands reached for your face to bring you closer. You placed one hand around the base of him before placing a soft, delicate kiss to his tip. Wrapping your lips around the head of his cock you glanced up at Seokmin. His face was flushed, eyes trained on your every movement. His mouth was dropped open, moans leaving him as you moved your head back and forth, working your tongue along him as you hollowed your cheeks. His hands tangled in your hair, a makeshift ponytail the only thing grounding him while you worked him, wrapped your tongue around his cock and played him like a fiddle.

“Fuck, just like that baby. God you’re so much better than her.” You pulled off him, hands scrambling to push him away from you.

“What the fuck Seokmin? What did you just say?” The panic was evident on his face. He didn’t mean for it to slip out. Oh god maybe he did, maybe he wanted to hurt you in that moment while all he could think about was your mouth around Wonwoo.

“Baby, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean it, I don’t know what came over me.” He reached out for you, but you swatted his hand away, pushing yourself back up the bed and away from him. You scrambled to cover yourself with your discarded shirt. He stood still.

“What the fuck do you mean you didn’t mean it?” Your words were dripping in venom, face contorted in disgust and pain. You could feel your eyes welling with tears.

“I mean…” He paused. “Fuck, look, I don’t know why I said it. I thought in the moment-“

“In the moment? What, while your cock was in my mouth you thought I wanted to hear your detailed thoughts about who’s better at sucking your dick, your fiancé or another one of your backup dancers?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” You threw a pillow at him, but he just caught it and held it across himself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The room went silent, just the sound of your breathing to be heard.

“Well, you did. You fucking did. You’re disgusting.”

“Oh, fuck off!” He was shouting now. “Fuck off with your self-pity bullshit. Like you weren’t lying there thinking of him this whole time.” He threw the pillow back at you, his face and chest flushed again, but this time out of anger. “I can’t fucking stand you anymore, I can’t sit there and watch you spread your legs for my best fucking friend and then turn around and belittle me.”

“Because at least I only fuck the same guy behind your back! I don’t parade myself around and fuck the first girl I see that day who takes my fancy. I don’t sit there and let makeup artists or hair stylists or journalists suck my cock or leave lipstick marks on my shirts!” You were crying again now. Dragging yourself up from the bed, you started pulling clothes from your wardrobe.

“What the hell are you doing now?” You threw on underwear and the first shirt you could get your hands on before throwing some clothes at Seokmin.

“I can’t. I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend like this isn’t killing me, like this is healthy anymore.” He was dressing with you as you packed up a bag.

“What? Wait, no you can’t-“

You stretched out your hand to Seokmin, the ring placed in the middle of your palm. Seokmin just stood there staring at it, eyes unblinking, unmoving. You took his hand and placed the ring in his palm, stepping backwards, away from him for good.

“You can’t be serious. Please.” His voice wavered. It never did that before. In all the time you’ve known him, loved him, he’d never once shown any sadness during a fight, never once been so obviously afraid. “I can’t do this without you. I need you, please.” He reached for you again and you stepped back. The repetition of all of this was infuriating. Maddening. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it anymore.

This was when the storm started. That dark, heavy storm that battered the house and rattled the windows. The pair of you stood there in silence, tears falling from the both of you. But as much as your heart was breaking, you couldn’t find it in yourself to go to him. You had reached the point of no return.

“I want you gone by the morning. Please.” And with that, you turned and walked away, leaving Seokmin alone in that bedroom that was now too big and too cold.

Your footsteps were almost silent against the hardwood floors, soft patters competing against the roaring rain hurling into the windows. The sky was grey, covered over with heavy swollen clouds just unleashing their pain onto the world. Lighting your cigarette and taking a long, painful drag right into your lungs, you realised that the two of you could never come back from any of this.

lee seokmin + "marry me. right here. right now."

@bluehoodiewoozi has a prompt wheel. i told her i wanted to break the wheel

divider credit

“marry me.” seokmin’s eyes are hopeful as they stare back at your wide ones.

“you’re insane, min.”

and you’re right. seokmin is insane for proposing to you now.

“c’mon. right here, right now. what do we have to lose?”

another meteor flies above your heads. you’re fairly certain the blast would’ve caused ringing in your ears, if your left eardrum hadn’t burst from an earlier explosion. you stumble into his arms from its impact as the giant space rock crashing into the next neighbourhood over. a protective hand pulls you flush against his chest, shielding your head against the sudden dusty winds.

you know you could always trust on seokmin to catch you.

still, his words ring clear in your mind. you push him away with what little strength you have left. your knuckles whiten along with the death grip you have on his shirt. “min, stop with the nonsense!”

for once, ever since the world’s end was announced, seokmin stops smiling. oh, you realise. he’s not joking. “…y/n, please.” he kneels down before you, offering up a ring as he clasps his hands in yours. it’s a flower ring, you note. you noticed he was twisting the poor flower earlier, but you didn’t know it was for this.

ferocious winds whip your hair back, the charred fabric of your shirt flapping in the wind. you try to urge seokmin to stand up, to run away from the oncoming blaze, but he’s still staring up at you with that stupid, dopey smile of his.

“seokmin, get up! we have to go!”

your words fly over him. “please? we can get wonwoo to officiate. hao and gyu can be our flower girls!”

he’s smiling widely at you, but there are tears pooling in his eyes.

“lee seokmin…” your free hand cups his chin. he nuzzles into it, eyes closed with content. your throat tightens up as you choke your next words out. “the world is falling apart.” you sniff. “we can’t–“

“we can! right here, right now…” he scrambles to his feet, this time both his hands enveloping yours. it’s a familiar comfort, how his thumbs rub over your knuckles. they’ve gotten rough with scratches, but your heart tugs at how gentle he’s treating you still. he slides the flower onto your ring finger, and you can’t help but choke back a sob.

he’s right: what more is there to lose? at the very least, you’ll be going out as lee seokmin’s wife; is that so bad? it’s a title you thought you would hold in at least a few more years.

you finally nod, tears falling freely down your face. from the corner of your eye, you spot wonwoo frantically waving at the both of you to run to safety… not that anywhere seemed safe enough anymore. you wear your own toothy grin, the very one seokmin falls in love everyday with, and you give his hands a tight squeeze.

“…okay. let’s get married.”

lee seokmin + "holding on to us"

<500 | angst | avy’s october writing challenge

“Hi, cutie! You look a lot like my Seokminnie!!” 

You reach out to capture his cheeks with both hands, giggling and squishing his cheeks in glee. He notes how your makeup looks a little runny, that your friends were nowhere around, and that the bartender was keeping you both under a watchful eye. Your phone lights up next to you at a notification, and Seokmin manages to catch what you were looking at so intensely before he walked up to you; a picture of the both of you, taken at a friend’s birthday party only a few months ago.

Before you had broken up.

Seokmin smells the fruity alcohol oozing from you. He kneels down in front of your seat, head tilting as he examines you from head to toe. The bar’s music continues to thump on around you, and the way you’re ditzy even while sitting lets him know just what kind of night you are having.

“I am Seokminnie, pretty.” He can’t help but smile at the way you lit up at the new information, his nickname for you unconsciously slipping through. His hand can’t help but smooth over your hair, petting you as affectionately as he used to.

“Really?! I’ve missed you!” You squeal in excitement, squishing his cheeks even more as you turn towards the pitiful bartender. “See, Yena! I told you he’d come!”

Yena stares back at Seokmin, concern latched on her features as she slides you a water. “She’s had a bit too much to drink, I think.” She gestures towards the cup. “Get her to drink a bit before you leave– don’t do anything either of you might regret.”

Seokmin nods solemnly, lifting the cup to your lips. Wiping the countertop, Yena continues: “Um… She was crying. Like, a lot.” She looks at you, obediently drinking water while swaying to the music, then locks eyes with Seokmin again. “Take care of her.” She doesn’t let Seokmin answer, already whisking away to tend to another customer elsewhere.

“Of course,” he mutters, to himself more than anything. “Always.”

Turning to you, he grabs your small bag before tugging you onto your feet, stabilising you with a strong arm wrapped around your waist. 

The already uncomfortable sting in his chest continues to grow as he feels you cosy up to his side, slotting yourself next to him like you were never apart. It's crazy how muscle memory works, both of you fitting into each other like it's second nature. Like it was second nature, he reminds himself again.

“Okay, pretty, let’s get you home, yeah?”

i miss you, don't call me | lee seokmin

SYNOPSIS. in which a particular boy has been clouding your mind lately, and you decide to drink away the thought of him𑁋when that isn't the right choice. PAIRING. ex!lee seokmin x gn!reader GENRE. angst, hurt/comfort... but also not really WARNINGS. drinking, swearing WORD COUNT. 2.5k

notes: kinda inspired from the song "i miss you, don't call me" by alessia cara. just wanna say i am forever guilty and full of shame for writing angst for this man. it feels completely out of character to write angst for him 😭😭

You hate the taste of alcohol.

You hate the way it lingers a bitter aftertaste on your lips, the way it burns like a smoldering ember down your throat that refuses to be extinguished, the way it wraps its tendrils around your senses and makes the world spin so merry around you.

You hate the taste of alcohol, yet there's a certain fascination in the way it blurs the edges of reality and a strange comfort in its familiarity. You were never usually one to drink in general, but tonight was different, and you find yourself caught between the resistance and the surrender, tip-toeing on the edge of clarity and a spellbound haze.

This is supposed to make you forget. Forget the deadlines, the expectations, the responsibilities, the miniscule hole in your chest that you have been trying to close. This is supposed to propel you in the right direction𑁋at least, that's what you convinced yourself in the hours before you wounded up in the middle of your living room with a half-empty glass in your hand. It's midnight, or something, you don't know for sure, and you couldn't be bothered to even check anyway.

This is supposed to help you forget him. He did nothing wrong, or anything wrong for the matter. His smile was always so bright like the sun, so full of life. He's like a bruise that refuses to fade, yet merely painful to the touch. You take another sip, and the amber liquid seems to carry with it the warmth of his laughter. And when you close your eyes just for a few seconds, you swear you can feel the warmth of that figurative sun on your face. Or maybe it's the alcohol. Or both.

It's been almost a year since you let him go. The reasons were complicated𑁋or simply, you both were just different𑁋and the echoes of that choice still reverberate in the quiet corners of your heart. You were convinced it was for the best for both of you, and all it took was two sentences for that line to be cut right on the same couch that you sat on.

And yet, the ache of his absence persists, leaving a void in your chest that you couldn't stitch up yourself.

Does he... still think about you from time to time?

It's a question you've asked yourself in the quiet moments before sleep. You wonder if he ever glances at the same moon that hangs in the night sky and thinks of the moments you shared under its wake.

You try to bury the thought away under the weight of another sip, but it resurfaces like an insistent tide as you let out a heated hiss to its taste. The room around you sways slightly, your head is starting to pound, and your thoughts are restless with nothing but just him.

The screen to your phone lights up on the coffee table, and you glance down at it, suddenly contemplating the idea of reaching out to him. Maybe it's the alcohol whispering in your ear, urging you to seek closure, or perhaps, rekindle a flame that was never truly extinguished.

The unanswered question lingers like a spectre in the room. Does he still think about you? The question gnaws angrily at your skin, and you find yourself reaching for the phone almost instinctively, as if drawn by a sudden invisible force.

With a deep breath, you unlock your phone. His contact is still there, his slightly blurry name staring right back at you like an open invitation. You tap a few times before landing on his number, and with a mixture of intoxication and courage, you press the call button.

The phone rings, each tone amplifying the drumming in your head. Your heartbeat quickens with each ring, the sound of it echoing in your ears. The haze in your mind seems to intensify, and you realise you might be crossing a line, but it's too late to turn back now.

The seconds tick away, and just as you begin to think about hanging up, he answers.

"Hello?"

His voice reaches through the phone and into your clouded consciousness. For a moment, you freeze, caught between the impulse to speak and the weight of the drunken-induced courage that made you make this call.

"Hey, Seokmin." Your voice comes out smaller and weaker than you anticipated.

A beat of silence follows your words. The weight of his name hangs in the air. You can almost sense Seokmin trying to process the unexpected call.

"Y/N?" His voice carries a mix of surprise and concern. "Is that really you?"

"Yeah," You reply, your words sounding less sure than you intended. "It's me."

There's another pause, and you can almost feel the distance between you two through the phone.

Then his voice comes through again, gentle and cautious, "Is everything okay?"

"Um..." You croak out, your thoughts stumbling over the words. "I just... I just needed to hear your voice."

Another pause. The only thing you could hear is the faint static on the other line.

"My voi𑁋Wait, are... are you drunk?"

A nervous laugh escapes your lips. "Uh, maybe a little," You admit embarrassingly.

Seokmin lets out a soft sigh on the other end of the line. You can't tell if it's from relief, concern, or disappointment, but the weight of it presses against your chest. It's almost suffocating.

"I just..." You start, the words hanging in the air. "is it bad to... to say that I miss you?"

The silence that follows is almost deafening. You can nearly imagine his face on the other end𑁋the ever expressive sunshine Lee Seokmin whom you spent nearly all of your college years with. A faint smile tugs at your lips at the thought of it, the thought of him. Sure, you've wondered how he has been from time to time, but tonight felt different. You can't tell if the alcohol is confusing missing with longing, or if it's amplifying a truth you've kept buried for too long.

"Y/N, you... We don't even live in the same city anymore." Seokmin's voice breaks the heavy silence. There's some suppression to his voice, like he's trying to hold something back, but you don't seem to notice. "Things have changed."

You bite your lip unconsciously, almost too hard you think it might bruise and bleed. The reality of it all settles in𑁋that you live hundreds of miles away from each other𑁋and a knot forms in your stomach. You take another sip of your drink, hoping the alcohol can provide some sort of shield for the vulnerability seeping through.

"I'm... I'm not asking to get back together, I..." Your voice trails off again, and you swallow a lump in your throat. "Things here have been awful, and I couldn't help... couldn't help but think of you, I guess."

Seokmin's side of the line remains quiet for a moment, absorbing the weight of your words. You can almost envision the wheels turning in his mind. There's a siren that wails outside your apartment for a few seconds, before fading away in the distance.

"You're drunk, Y/N," Seokmin states. "This isn't the best time to talk𑁋"

"I just wanted to know if you still thought about me too," You interrupt him, voice firm. The words are forcing themselves out at this point, and there's an urgency in your tone, almost as if the alcohol has taken control of your tongue.

Seokmin sighs audibly on the other end, and you can almost picture him running a hand through his hair.

"This... this isn't fair, Y/N," he finally responds. "You can't just... call me in the middle of the night and tell me all this now."

His words sting, not because they're harsh, but because they're true.

"You were... you were always so cheery, you know?" You chuckle, words slurring slightly. "Even when I was drowning in stress, you had... th-this way of making everything feel lighter. And right now, I... I'm looking for a new job. Everything's been a fucking nightmare, and you... were the first person I thought of and..."

You stop your track in your words, gulping down an imaginary mass wedged down your throat. When your cast your eyes around your dark apartment, all you could see are the remnants of a life you used to share with him, and the mess you were left to clean up with.

You tighten your grip on your phone slightly. "Do you remember when, um... we used to stay up late, working on our assignments together? It... it feels like a lifetime ago."

There's a soft laughter you hear on the other end, and you think for a moment you might just have made him smile. You feel a little bit lighter at the thought.

"And... the pizza boxes that we turned into little tables because our dorm room couldn't fit all of our textbooks and a decent eating space?" You add on, finding yourself smiling to the visual. Just a tiny bit.

There's some shifting on the other side. He's remembering all of it too.

"We were a little messy back then, weren't we?" he chuckles fondly.

You bite your lip nervously again. "But... it was our mess, right?"

"Yeah," You hear him say, and there's a warmth in his voice. "Our mess that we somehow made work."

You take a sip of your drink again, even though you really shouldn't. But you can't help it. The alcohol seems to fuel your courage, or perhaps it's the shared nostalgia that wraps around your conversation like a comforting blanket. The messiness, the laughter, the late-night talks with his arms around you𑁋they were all part of a chapter that shaped both of you.

Your mind is hazy, but you press on, driven by a longing you can't quite articulate.

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know why I called," You confess, voice trembling. "I just felt this emptiness, and I thought... I thought hearing your voice might fill it, even for just a second."

"It's okay," Seokmin is quick to reassure gently and soothingly. "You don't need to say sorry; it does... feel nice hearing you. But calling me in the middle of the night, when you're drunk... it's not the solution, okay?"

You nod, even though he can't see you. There's some heat that prickles at the corners of your eyes, but you blink them back, trying to contain yourself. You've already made an enough mess of yourself this entire night.

"I know it wasn't..." You clench and unclench your other hand, nails digging into your skin. "I just... needed someone to talk to, and you were that person for me."

"But... I'm not that person anymore," Seokmin clarifies, and his words seems to hit a nerve. "You have to be that person for yourself."

You inhale shakily, realising that you've been clinging to a version of him that exists only in memories. For a moment, you're suspended between the past and the present. The truth in his statement stings, but the pain is necessary. You've been using this idea of him, the memories you shared, to help ground you.

You wish you could reach through the phone and touch the past, rewrite the script, and undo the choices that led to this painful distance. But you already know you can't. It's too late.

Seokmin's right𑁋things have changed.

"Can you... just answer what I asked before?" You ask softly, carefully, tapping your fingers nervously against the glass in your hand. "If you... if you still thought about me."

There's a sound on the other end. You're not sure what it is𑁋a sigh, a chair shifting, or perhaps the subtle closing of his eyes. Whatever it is, it heightens the anticipation.

"Of course I... I do think about you," Seokmin admits, and that particular weakness to his voice paralyses you. Your heart catches in your throat. "I can never forget about what we had. But... we've both moved forward, Y/N. Life took us in different directions."

His words hit you like a cold breeze. It doesn't bring the comfort you expected; instead, it leaves you with a mix of emotions𑁋vulnerability, acceptance, and a tinge of sorrow.

"Maybe... in a different universe?" You hear the uncertainty in your own voice, a wistful hope that hangs in the heavy air around you.

You try to think you imagine a smile to his face when you say that, but the silence on the other end stretches out, and reality settles in again.

"Maybe," he concedes, and the word hangs there, suspended between what once was and what could have been. Just not in this one. "You deserve all the happiness in the world, Y/N. I need you to be happy, even if it's without me. Life keeps moving, and we have to move with it. You're one of the strongest people I know, okay? You can get through this. I believe in you. I always have, and I always will."

You deserve happiness too, Seokmin.

Despite the gloominess to your thoughts, every single one of his words echoes within your head. And it hurts, your head throbbing from the alcohol and emotions. The truth tastes like a bitter pill, and you swallow it down, the sting lingering in your chest.

"I miss you," You admit before you could think straight, slipping out like a confession in the dark, suddenly feeling all too exposed.

"I... I miss you too," Seokmin responds hesitantly, softly; you can hear the small, hint of a smile in his voice. You wonder if he's been smiling like the sun these days. "but... I don't want you to call me like this. Not when you're hurting and drunk. It's not healthy for either of us."

His words carry a gentle yet firm tone, a reminder of the boundaries that now exist between you. You can feel the reality of the situation settling in and the pages that turned since you both went your separate ways.

"I know," You murmur. "I just... needed to say it out loud."

For a minute, you both don't say anything. It's oddly comfortable, yet fragile with an unspoken sadness.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself, okay?" Seokmin's voice breaks through the quiet. It's a request, a plea.

"I promise," You respond, the sincerity cutting through the haze. "And you take care too, Seokmin."

The conversation lingers for a moment, as if both of you are reluctant to sever the weak tie that binds you in this moment.

"Goodbye, Y/N."

"Goodbye, Seokmin."

When the call disconnects, you sit there for a while, phone in hand, the room now silent except for the distant sounds of the city outside.

You glance down at the almost-empty glass down in your hand, and in a swift movement, down the rest of the drink down your throat, feeling the familiar burn as it goes down. The room seems to sway a bit more than before, and you clutch your phone a bit more tighter as if it might steady you.

Then you shoot your eyes back down at your phone, seeing the way it turns on when you tap the screen, the sudden brightness of the screen stinging your eyes.

Impulsively, you navigate to your messages, and without thinking too much, you find Seokmin's contact and start typing.

[y/n] i love you, i'm sorry

With a deep breath, you hit send, and flip your phone over. Fuck, what did you just do? You're going insane.

Then your phone vibrates again, and you quickly grab it, heart racing.

But then your heart drops. It's not a message; it's a notification.

The number you have reached is no longer available.

taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @mhlsymlysn @ryuwonieebae @yeonjuns-redhair @wonwooz1 @woohaeyo @mark-geolli @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts

oh gosh this was perfect

don't let him out tonight - lsm

Falling for a mafia captain could cost your career as a university instructor and future criminal lawyer. But you couldn't resist Lee Seokmin, especially when he's on his knees, ready to worship you. Yet, some truths keep you two apart, secrets to uncover amidst a tangled web. You have no choice but to plead with him, hoping he won't do something that could shatter both your worlds.

• mafia!lee seokmin x f reader

• angst & smut (mdni!)

• words: 10k

general tags: mafia!seokmin, law student & university instructor!reader, heavy angst, smut, harassment, unwanted advances by a stranger, mommy and daddy issues, kidnapping, blood, betrayal, situationship, bad reputation, reader is shorter than seokmin, short skirts and dresses, nightclubs, violence, guns, gangs, alcohol, intoxication, poison, face slapping, implied ptsd, framed convicts, scams, tending to bruises, pet names like babe and baby (smut warnings below the cut)

smut warnings: dom!seokmin, pussy drunk!seokmin, cock drunk!reader, reader is mentioned to have tits, big dick seokmin because that man is big everywhere, drunk sex, grinding, thigh riding, voyeurism, public oral sex, blowjob, cum swallowing, clit stimulation, fingering, p in v sex, car sex, dirty talk, unprotected sex (stay safe pls), orgasm denial, lots and lots of begging

[a/n] inspired by sabrina's please please please. read all the tags before proceeding! send an ask for hard thoughts!<33

Everyone warned you about him. Your mother, your friends, even the neighborhood pastor. Even if his face wasn't in the news, people could tell something wasn't right as soon as they saw him. If there was a list of people you should never be involved with, his name was on top, underlined, and written in blood. The caporegimes, the mafia captain in your district, Lee Seokmin.

Cold air brushed against your legs as you waited in the university parking lot. It was already getting dark so you had to squint, trying to spot your boyfriend's car. You almost regretted wearing a short skirt, but you wanted to see his reaction more than anything. Your conversation almost half an hour ago kept repeating in your head like a broken record.

"I don't care about what people say, y/n," Seokmin said through the phone.

"I do. I'm fine with waiting outside."

"But it's cold."

"I said I'm fine. You know I don't like repeating myself," you argued with him.

It had only been a month since you started dating and you were already subject to looks of concern and gossip amongst your coworkers and students. Having Seokmin pick you up at the entrance would only make things worse, so you insisted on meeting him in the parking lot.

He had arrived moments later in his car. The man stepped out, the chains around his neck catching the lights from the lamppost. His broad shoulders were clad in a black leather jacket. His hair was styled up. He looked ravishing.

"I told you to wait inside." Seokmin was clenching his jaw, disappointment lacing his tone. He walked towards you, removing his jacket to wrap around your shoulders. You kissed his cheek as he did so.

"I'm not that cold, I promise."

"I don't believe you, baby." He looked down on you and toyed with the hem of your short skirt. Before you could say anything, he placed a kiss on the corner of your mouth.

He was dangerous. His eyes were dark, layered with years of experience in the underground scene, filled with the knowledge of the inner workings of organized crimes. You knew he had blood in his hands, yet some sick monster inside you took pride in the idea that it was you he called baby. It was you he took out on dates.

The inside of Seokmin's car smelled like him. Rich cedarwood, giving a sensual woodsy scent. As soon as you settled in the passenger seat, he placed a long coat on your lap, keeping your legs and feet warm. Who knew the cold, brutal Lee Seokmin would be such a gentleman?

.     ♰   .   ❦   .   ♰     .

Several months ago, your friend Gyuri had dragged you out to celebrate surviving finals. It was your third year at law school and you both needed a little breather. Gyuri was an expert at it. She knew how to get wasted even under so much pressure. You couldn't afford her lifestyle though, because you had to balance studying law and teaching at a different university. But that night, you had let her choose a short dress for you before she dragged you into an infamous nightclub.

“Come on, it's not like your grandmother will see you shaking ass here.” Gyuri teased with a laugh, merging with the crowd.

Ten minutes under the bright lights and she was nowhere to be found. Gyuri was right; your grandma wasn't on the dance floor. It was a crowd of students. And—just because fate decided to fuck with you tonight—it was your students.

You accidentally made eye contact with one of them. She was a freshman. Her mouth formed a comical letter o, looking at you up and down. She nudged her friend, more familiar young faces turned to you in horror.

'What the hell were they doing here?'

They grimaced as if they were caught by their parents. The awkward encounter had you backing up into the deepest corner of the nightclub, hiding from sight. You sat alone by the bar, praying you wouldn't see another one of your students. 

You let your eyes roam around the dancing crowd in search of Gyuri. Your gaze landed on the table across from you. It was surrounded by heavy-muscled men deep in conversation. But it was the man in a black suit that got your attention. He was looking straight at you as the others talked animatedly. Everything about his features was sharp: his nose, his jawline, his cheekbones, and his gaze.

At that moment you become hyper-aware of the conversations of the other people around you. The staff and clubgoers were talking about the man. A bartender had referred to him as "the captain," and this captain sounded like a really big deal. He owned the nightclub, the gambling dens around the district, and several hotels.

‘Better not mess around with a guy like that,’ you thought, more amused than scared.

A few hours into the night and a mix of alcohol in your system, you still couldn't see your friend. When you tried to order another drink, an old man suddenly offered some amber liquid in a crystal glass. He was old enough to be someone's grandfather. His voice was already hoarse from drinking. The sirens in your head went off in an instant. You had kindly refused but he had insisted again and again.

"I said no." You shifted in your seat, ready to stand and run away if you needed to.

"Just take the gla—" He faltered, swayed, and collapsed on the floor with a thud.

The drink in his hand arced into the air before landing on your feet in a splash. It pooled on the floor. You stood up in shock, hissing at the chill of the drink on your skin. You looked down at the old man. Was he dead? The brutes who sat at the table across from you dragged him out and disappeared in the shadows.

Unbeknownst to you, the captain had raised his left eyebrow to the bartender, a sign to spike the creepy man's drink with poison. The bartender obeyed and played dumb as soon as the old guy hit the ground.

Heading for the back exit, you winced in each step. You could almost hear the squelch and squeak in your soles if it wasn't for the loud bass. The liquor that splashed onto your feet was a sensory nightmare. Clutching your phone, you tried to call Gyuri. You had reached the parking lot when you felt a presence behind you.

"I'm sorry for your shoes."

It was the captain in the black suit. He walked towards you, his chiseled face becoming more prominent as he moved closer.

He continued, "I should have considered his distance before giving the signal."

"Who are you and what are you talking about?"

He stopped in front of you, looking down at your face, examining your features. Your knees grew weaker at the proximity but you didn't miss the movement of his arm. He reached inside his suit jacket. You took three steps back, thinking he was going to pull out a gun.

He chuckled at your reaction and brought out a white handkerchief instead. "Relax, I'm not here to hurt you. Come here."

He went down on his knees and your heart lodged in your throat. Why the hell was this man kneeling in a nightclub's parking lot? He looked up at you, and God, he looked like heaven on Earth. His eyelashes were long, fluttering so sweetly.

"I'm Seokmin."

You gasped when he brought the handkerchief to your ankle, right where the alcohol had splashed. He wiped it gently, running the fabric across your shoes and moving to the other one. You stared at him, the captain—Seokmin—wiped every single drop of liquor from your feet like a devoted servant.

It was the hottest thing you'd ever seen. He looked at you now and then, waiting for a reaction. You gave him your name and urged him to continue. His hands dragged towards the back of your knees, wiping the last stray drops. He looked so perfect kneeling underneath you that you could already feel the wetness between your legs.

"May I offer you a ride home?"

"What happened to that old man? Is he dead?"

Seokmin stood up. "What happens to assholes who cause trouble in my club shouldn't concern you," he says, flattening the crease in his suit. He continued, "You didn't answer my question. May I offer you a ride?"

It was at that moment when the gears in your head stopped turning. The drive to your apartment was a blur of city lights and a cold night breeze. You've never been with a guy this shady, this hot, and this good at manhandling you.

The clash of teeth and tongue turned your brain into a puddle. As soon as the lock of your bedroom door clicked, he had you against the wall, veiny hands gripping your thighs as he explored your mouth with his tongue. The sensation was entirely new and yet his body felt so perfect against you.  

“Is this okay?” Seokmin asked as he raked his hand up and down your legs.

“God, yes,” you said, already out of breath.

He nudged your legs apart, putting his thigh in between. Moans escaped your mouth when the fabric of his trousers made contact with your soaked underwear. He grunted against your lips every time you let out a squeal. Your arousal pooled even more when he ran his lips on the side of your neck, drinking in your scent.

Seokmin held your hips as you grind on his thigh. His fingers were steady and demanding. He knew what he wanted. You wrapped your arms around his neck, words coiling at your throat. 

He sucked in a sharp breath. "That's it, go on, fuck yourself on my thigh."

And you did. You bucked your hips faster, the delicious drag of fabric against your clit pushed you to the edge and you came with a loud whine. Your breaths came in short gasps as he guided you through your orgasm. Before you tried to hide your face, he was already kissing you again, wet and sinful.

He chuckled. "I haven't even started having my way with you."

He dragged you to the bed and undressed you with ease. You laid on your back, completely at his mercy. There was something so beautiful being underneath, powerless, ready to take what he decided to give you. Seokmin was the epitome of control, you can see it in his eyes as he looked down on you. He trailed his lips on the inside of your legs, gently nipping at the skin. He moved up to your torso, sucking on your tits, the sounds were so wet and lewd it made your cheeks flush. Seokmin squeezed and pulled your nipple with his fingers, coaxing moans from you. His hands were warm. Everything about him was steady, a direct opposite to your sensitive, shaking body.

After making sure every single part of you was trembling with need, he pulled out his thick, veiny cock and rolled a condom on it. He teased your dripping pussy, rubbing his length along your folds but not fucking you where you needed him to.

"God just put it in already. Fuck me," you whined. You couldn't recognize your voice with how needy it sounded.

He tuts and grinned, his eyes were dark. Evil. "That's not how you beg." He dragged his dick on your clit and rubbed faster.

"Please! Please fuck me. Ah— I need you. I wanna feel your cock in me." Tears welled up and escaped from your eyes. Your throat was straining from agony. A loud moan escaped from you when he pushed into your hole with a grunt.

The stretch was not like anything you've ever felt before. Each vein and every delicious inch made you gasp like a dirty slut. Once he had bottomed out, you gave him the signal, liking the sting of pain. He wasted no time and fucked you so hard, drilling into you like a madman. He pulled your legs onto his shoulders, folding you in half as he rammed his dick inside you harder. It was harsh and brutal. He whispered dirty names into your ear and licked the side of your neck, making you come two more times that night.

The next morning, he was already gone. The reality of his absence hit you hard. His warmth was still present in the air around you. There was still an ache between your thighs. The bruises he had left still stung deliciously. The smell of cedarwood still lingered in your room and on your skin. His moans were still ringing in your ear. He was everywhere.

When you got out to head for work, you noticed a box on your doorstep. It was a new pair of shoes, similar to the ones you wore last night but fancier. There was a note with a number and the initials: L.S.M. You'd never saved a number that quickly.

Texting the number, you thanked him for the shoes, saying he didn't have to. It took him less than a minute to reply and insist that you keep it. He had also apologized for leaving too early. You sighed, thanking the universe that the hot man who fucked your brains out didn't ghost you.

You had learned that his full name was Lee Seokmin. One conversation on the phone led to another until you were talking day and night. You found yourself smiling often at his words. You were already longing for the warm trace of his lips on your skin.

It was probably the law student in you or just an instinct of a girl, but you couldn't help but search his name online. You tried searching for Lee Seokmin, Seokmin, and other forms of his names, but you found nothing. No social media accounts, no public government information, and not even relatives. He was an enigma. 

Your suspicions grew bigger until he admitted one night that he was part of the mafia. It clicked then, the way people called him captain, the shady businesses he owned, and the schedule of his work. Of course, it made so much sense. Not only was he a part of it, but he was related to the boss by blood. 

Everyone around you was concerned because you hid your situationship like it was some sort of crime. It probably was. People started gossiping and making assumptions. Words even reached your mother in the suburbs. She had called you, warning you not to get into trouble with gangsters and criminals. 

'Oh, mother dearest, too late.'

You were falling for him. Your heart and soul were falling for every part of him, hard. You didn't know when and how it started. How your simple longing for his touch became a need to see his smile and hear his laugh. How you wanted him to stay and embrace you after sex. How nothing but lust turned into love. Pure, irreversible, dangerous love.

For months, you were spread out on his sheets at night and woke up alone. You never got to eat with him in a crowded restaurant, never held hands, never hugged in public. It was hard being casual. Whenever your head rested on his bare chest, you could hear his heartbeat, rising and falling with every breath. It was the safest place on earth. You hated how the lines were so blurry between you and Seokmin. You hated not knowing what you meant to him.

One night, after a whole session of hard sex where he denied your orgasm again and again only to give it to you in an intense wave, he asked under his breath, "Can we be official? Can I call you my girlfriend? I know it's going to be difficult for both of us, but I promise I'll take care of you."

"Yes. I'd love to. I've always wanted to."

You lifted your head just to have a good look at his wide smile, the smile that reached his eyes and made his cheeks red. He was so pretty. However, you weren't stupid, so you made him agree to a simple rule.

“But you're not allowed to kill people in front of me.”

“Capos rarely have to hurt anyone. My soldiers do the dirty work for me.”

"Don't try to find a loophole around it. No exceptions," you said in your most authoritative voice.

"Yes, ma'am." He saluted, getting a laugh out of you.

Seokmin had never broken the rule since then. He was sweet, sending you gifts often. He would show up at your place without reason, saying, "I just wanna cuddle with my future lawyer."

You weren't completely oblivious to the dangers that came with dating him. You had recently done a case study and analysis on organized crimes after all. But none of your friends were prepared for the pair of you: a future criminal lawyer and an actual criminal. It was laughable, really, considering how you had always warned your students not to get involved with shady shit, what a hypocrite you had become.

But who could resist anyone as sexy and caring as Lee Seokmin?

And who else could handle the devil inside him during nights like this?

.     ♰   .   ❦   .   ♰     .

That was how you found yourself in the passenger seat of Seokmin's car, the fear of being caught was long gone as he kneeled on the floor. It was disgusting and arousing, all you could see was his eyes and how completely needy he looked. He was fucked out and thirsty for you.

His nose bumped on your clit as he licked your folds. But every time your high was close, he kept pulling out. He's been edging you for almost half an hour. It was torture.

"Seokmin, please let me cum."

"No." He kissed your inner thigh.

"Seokmin…please."

You could feel his smirk on your skin. "What did you tell me on the phone? You don't like repeating yourself? Now you're begging for me over and over again."

God, he really knew how to put you in your place.

"I'm sorry. Please let me cum."

He pushed two slender fingers inside you along with his tongue and started fucking you in earnest. You rolled your hips in time with his thrust, gripping the car seat with one hand and pulling his hair with the other.

"Fuck, I'm so close."

He rubbed your clit with his thumb and pushed you to the edge, making you cream on his face. He kept on going, milking you dry. He looked up at you with half-lidded eyes. Seokmin was drunk to your taste.

He was only getting started.

The capo went back to his seat and drove to his place. It was a different kind of pleasure, watching him concentrate while driving as you palmed his hard-on. He kept glancing at you, warning you not to tease him. It only took twenty minutes before he was stripping you off of your clothes in his living room.

In the university, you were a level-headed instructor, the kind that students respected without question. At the law school, you were the diligent debater, the person people couldn’t argue with. No bullshits, no lies. You never had to ask for anything. But with him, you were always begging.

"Please don't hurt people in front of me."

"Please don't scare the delivery guy away."

"Please don't leave without saying goodbye.”

And tonight, it was a good kind of begging. "Please fuck my mouth. Use me all you want."

Seokmin raised his eyebrow. "On your knees."

You complied, your knees hitting his carpet and you're face-to-face with the hard-on you'd been toying with all night. You looked up at him for permission.

"Go on, make me cum."

You unzip his trousers with so much eagerness, making him chuckle. Your fingers were shaking with anticipation as you pulled his pants down with his boxers. God, the sight of his cock was mouth-watering. His muscles tensed when you wrapped your fingers around him and dragged your tongue on the prominent vein. You quickly worked him up, stroking his shaft as you licked the pre-cum from his tip.

He hissed as you lapped at the underside of his dick before sucking him fully. His grunts and moans egged you on, hollowing your cheeks to give him more pleasure. The drag of his dick on your tongue was so good, you could feel your arousal between your legs. 

You sucked him off, hungry for his taste. It took a few moments before he grabbed your hair and pulled you off of his cock.

"Do you want me to fuck your pretty mouth?" He traced his thumb on your lip.

"Yes, please, I beg you."

"Just tap three times if we need to stop, hm?"

"Yes."

He slammed his dick into your mouth and hit the back of your throat with ease. He set an animalistic pace, fucking in and out of your mouth like you were nothing but a toy. His dick was so big and veiny, your nose bumped into his hip each time. You couldn't do anything but grab onto his huge thighs for dear life. Each part of your body shook with his thrusts.

"You're so good for me, so fucking perfect."

He took off his dress shirt, his torso now in full view for you to worship. His broad shoulders were tense, moving up and down each time he panted. Nights like this when he lets his need get the better of him was your favorite. His controlled, calm aura fell apart as he didn’t hold back. 

“Look at you, baby. So fucking hot,”

The nails against the back of your neck stung and his grip was harsher than normal. His pace became more erratic in each thrust. Praise spilled from his tongue as he fucked your throat in earnest.  

“Shit.” He was panting, voice laced with desperation.

He continued hitting the back of your throat until he spilled his seed inside, painting your mouth white. His thrusts were deep and slow. “Swallow it, baby. That’s it, you’re such a good girl for me.”

You stick your tongue out, proudly showing your devotion. He cursed and lifted you to your feet, guiding you to the sofa. He laid your head on the armrest and kissed you. Even under so much want, Seokmin knew how to take his time, every movement of his lips against yours was full of passion. His breath was warm against your face, and his hands roamed all over your body, igniting flames of need on your skin.

Seokmin rolled his hips into yours, his cock was rock-hard again, teasing your pussy. You let out a loud whimper, his gaze immediately shot down into you. Your cheeks flushed, heat spreading on your face. He kissed your cheek and dragged his lips to your ear.

“Wrap your legs around my waist, baby.” He whispered before nipping your earlobe.

You did as told and Seokmin slammed his dick inside you. Your back arched at the sudden penetration. 

“You good, baby? Want me to stop?”

“No, please, I need you.”

Your walls clenched around him as he fucked you. He pistoned his hips at a brutal pace, ramming as if it was his last day on Earth. His mouth was on yours again, kissing you roughly. His breaths were ragged and his grunts were gravelly, you’ve never heard of anything sexier. Your pussy was so wet around his cock, it squelched with each thrust, making him crazier.

He pounded into your cunt, his fingers rubbing your clit as you moaned and whined. He brought down a harsh slap against your bundle of nerves. You wailed in pleasure. He slapped your clit again, coaxing profanities out of your mouth.

It didn’t take long before your breath hitched, your walls clamping down around him as he fucked you. Seokmin rubbed your clit faster, keeping his brutal pace as you came with a scream. He spilled inside you, praising you again and again. Your legs were drenched in your cum, making a mess on the sofa. He kissed you gently.

“You did so well. You’re so perfect.”

Seokmin stood up to get a warm towel and wiped it gently on your skin. He cleaned you up while muttering soft praises about how lucky he was to have you and how beautiful you were when you came. It was all too much for your heart. He wrapped his big arms around your body and carried you to the bed in bridal style. There was a grin on his face as he looked down at you. By the time he put you under the covers, you both were giggling like foolish lovebirds. 

He cuddled with you under the warm blankets, his hand playing with your hair as you lay your head against his chest. Your muscles were sore and you could already feel your mind being dragged to sleep.

"Why'd you study law, anyway?" Seokmin asked suddenly.

You chose your default reason. "Because it is so easy to make money from the law.” Silence fell before you continued. “The system is so rigged. If you know how to bend it, things will go your way. The politicians do it, so why can't I?"

He hummed, impressed. But he also knew you weren't telling the whole truth. He didn't push it further, though, and you were grateful for it.

You couldn't tell Seokmin the real reason. At least not yet. Your father had been wrongfully convicted a long time ago, and it had ruined your family. Though he was released from prison, he wasn't the same man anymore. You had made a promise to yourself that no one else would have to endure what your family had gone through.

The fear of having your loved ones trapped behind bars gnawed on you. It was hell. So whenever Seokmin left for work, you couldn't help but worry for him. Your brain kept creating visions of him gambling, drinking, torturing, or probably killing people. You tried to tell yourself that it wasn’t his fault he was born into his family, but it was difficult.

You'd often beg Seokmin to avoid risky behaviors and public outings, worried that any misstep could lead to your exposure and end your career when it had barely started. It would be a slap in the face to all those restless nights you spent studying and teaching. 

Seokmin was scared to let his circle know too much about you as well. Another capo in their organization instigated a turf war. The infighting was brutal and he couldn't risk your safety. It hurt him, not being able to take you out and dine with you in fancy restaurants. He couldn’t introduce you to his family and tell the whole world you were his and he was yours.

That was when he introduced Wonwoo as a bodyguard. He was in charge of driving you from law school to the institution you were teaching at, then back to your apartment. He was quiet, but he knew how to listen to your every word. Wonwoo was a man of schedule, always on time, and always correct. One day, he argued with you about the morality of organized crimes and started citing specific articles and past cases. 

You stared at Wonwoo who had his eyes on the road. "You're a lawyer, aren't you?" you asked, still in shock.

Wonwoo admitted he was a consigliere working under the boss. Seokmin was the one who endorsed him to such a high position so he didn't hesitate to become your bodyguard. Your insides turned warm at the thought of your boyfriend who couldn't leave you with a typical bodyguard, making his closest friend look out for you. 

No one knew the whole truth about your relationship with Seokmin except for Wonwoo and your friend Gyuri. You’ve barely seen her nowadays, but you tried to make time to eat with her every other week. Your favorite place was a ramen shop near the law school. You ate together, laughing over the stupid times your boyfriends made you embarrassed.

"Outside, he's a cold guy, but inside, he's the biggest baby." You smiled, telling her about Seokmin.

"Oh, I feel that with my Jin-Goo as well." She said, talking about her new boyfriend.

You stopped hanging out with her though, because the infighting within Seokmin's organization escalated. His boss was calling him and making him do errands almost every day. You wished he just told you all the details because your imagination wouldn’t let you sleep at night. But when he visited your place with someone’s blood on the cuffs of his shirt, you knew the reality was much worse than you could imagine. 

It was getting frustrating. You couldn't risk going outside without Wonwoo to drive you. When you asked Seokmin if you could at least go out for some air, he said "The other capos could hurt you and use you to get to me."

"How do you know they're gonna do that?"

"Because it's what I did to the others. That's how I acquired the businesses in the district."

A shiver ran down your spine. You didn't push any further.

Seokmin had told you to lay low. But it was your last year in law school and you still had a lot of requirements to pass. After Wonwoo drove you to the entrance, you got a text from Gyuri, asking to meet her for lunch.

You went to the same ramen shop, but something was off the moment you stepped inside. Gyuri was the type to yell out your name and wave to you immediately, but all you heard was silence. 

The shop was nearly empty, its usual bustling energy replaced by stillness. A man in a mask stood by the entrance. He was staring at you. 

Listening to your instinct, you turned immediately. But it was too late. Before you could open the door, he was behind you, pressing a handkerchief against your mouth. Your nostrils were flooded with an overly sweet smell and your vision faded to black.

⋆₊ ♱

You awake with a jolt. Restraints kept you from standing up. Your hands were tied at the back of the seat and your feet were shackled. It was dark, with only a faint light bulb over your head to illuminate the space. You were trapped in a dingy cellar. Each breath echoed against the dark walls. 

Right beside the door crouched a familiar figure. Her entire body shook as she sobbed quietly.

“Gyuri!” You struggled against your bonds, the metal chair screeching against the concrete floor.

“Shh!” She looked up, panic and distress in her eyes. “Shut your mouth or he’ll gag you.”

Her eyes were bloodshot from crying. Your heart sank at the sight of her. You wanted to ask where you were, who she was referring to, or why she was on the floor, but you knew you had no time to lose. Your temple was about to explode with the painful throbbing.

“Help me out. Untie me. Come on!” The chair kept screeching with your movements, the chains around your ankles clinking against each other.

“I can’t, y/n.” 

The cellar door opened and a man of the same age entered. He was clad in black clothes and he wore a distant expression. He looked bored.

“Gyuri, babe, is our visitor awake yet?” He yawned as if this was a normal occurrence.

Babe?

The man turned to you. “Hi. I’m Jin-Goo, Gyuri’s boyfriend.”

You look at your friend. She couldn't meet your eyes. Gyuri, the sweet friend who liked to crack jokes, the friend who dragged you to the place where you first met Seokmin, the friend who laughed with you over bowls of ramen after a stressful day. Gyuri betrayed you. The realization shot straight through your heart, your ribs tightening with the pain. 

Fury almost got the best of you before the man continued. “It’s a shame we had to meet in such unfortunate…circumstances.”

“Where the fuck am I? Let me out.” You tried your best to sound demanding and controlled, but it came out as a broken plea.

“Hush now, we haven't even reached a bargain.”

“What the fuck? Is this what it's all about? Money?”

“Of course it is, prettyface. Money, power, soldiers, a few businesses in Gangnam, with a side of seeing Seokmin getting humiliated in front of the boss.”

You shivered at the mention of Seokmin. The thought of him getting hurt made you struggle against your bonds.

“Stop that, it's annoying.” He tsked at the sound of the chair screeching.

“Why me?”

“Shut your mouth. I am the one in charge and you must listen very carefully. You know, it started with a bet…” Jin-Goo moved closer, his face was now under the faint light. Your gaze fell on Gyuri who was still frozen by the door.

He continued. “I told Seokmin that us capos should focus on narcotics, but he invested in gambling dens and nightclubs instead. The boss said whoever gets the most profit by the end of the year will receive his new properties overseas. A simple challenge, nothing special.

“But Seokmin was never a clean player. Can you guess what he did? He tortured the families of the other captains and forced them to hand over an insane amount of shares. He snuffed them off, one by one, destroying our ranks.

“He thought that just because he's related to the boss by blood, he could get away with it. He didn't have much to lose because that fucker never loved anyone to begin with. Until you showed up.” Jin-Goo dragged a finger against your jaw and gripped hard, forcing you to look at him.

“That’s bullshit.” You spat, making him grin. There was something sinister in his demeanor.

“That’s funny coming from you, y/n, daughter of a felon.”

“That’s not—”

"Shh, I know. I know about your dad, pretty face. Everyone in the gang does. Especially Seokmin." He smirked as he saw your breath hitch. "Ten years ago, the boss set up a huge mortgage property scam with your dad's company. A bunch of buildings were bought and sold just to mess with loans and make quick cash. Your dad had no clue, but it was all in his name. That's why he ended up in prison. I heard he got out two years ago."

You said nothing, trying not to listen to him. He was messing with your mind. He was bluffing. Seokmin couldn't have known about your father.

It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be.

“Guess who did the paperwork for that. The boss’s favorite captain, Lee Seokmin. He’s been the boss’s favorite dog ever since, but recently he’s been messing it up; attacking other capos and now fucking the scapegoat’s daughter.” He laughed. He laughed at your face, at your pain.

“Your precious boyfriend is a monster, y/n. See that camera over there?” He moved your head towards the left corner, right into the lens of the CCTV.

“I've been collecting evidence of his shit to send to the boss. If he ends up getting to you, if he lays a hand on any of my soldiers, the boss will know he’s behind the bankruptcy of the other captains. He’s a traitor. The boss never liked traitors.

“Now, while we wait for our Seokminnie, let's have some fun, shall we? Gyuri, babe, would you like to play with her? Some cuts and bruises will do. Ruin her face before he gets here.”

She walked towards you, her eyes still trained on the floor. You struggled to move away. 

“What the fuck are you doing? Get me out of here!”

She raised her hand.

“Don't you fucking dare,” you warned.

“I'm sorry,” she sniffled before her hand came down on your face in one blow. The sound reverberated against the walls. It stung. Your eyes welled up.

“What the hell did I ever do to you?” You looked up at her through your hazy vision. 

“I'm sorry.” Another slap came.

The torture seemed endless. Your face was so numb it felt like it wasn't even there anymore. The couple would leave you alone in the cellar, only to return and taunt you with cruel words and gestures. Jin-Goo ordered Gyuri to slap you again, but the hit was weak. Either she was losing her strength, or you were beyond feeling any pain.

“Jesus, Gyuri, why are you so soft today? Did you forget everything I taught you?”

“Jin-Goo, this isn't right.” She was sobbing now. Your throat tightened and your insides burned in anger. You were the one bound with your face stinging, and she was the one crying.

The man sighed, clearly disappointed. “You’re no fun. Go and fetch one of the guards for me."

Gyuri scrambled towards the door. As soon as the metal opened, a rancid smell filled your nostrils. Blood. 

Gyuri took a few steps outside before you heard her voice. "Babe…"

"What?" Jin-Goo asked, irritated.

The girl came back in, the barrel of a gun on her temple. She slowly backed into the cellar, clearly being pushed. The owner of the gun came into view. Seokmin.

The rapid beating of your heart was deafening now.

"Don't you dare lay a hand on her." He growled.

Jin-Goo already had his gun drawn. "Too late. Kill Gyuri and I'll shoot your bitch."

"Try me. You won't get out of here alive." He was terrifying, his eyes were murderous, his grip on the gun steady and practiced. Seokmin was taking the reign of his demons tonight. Even the devil would bow to him.

“No member should lay hands on another member without the higher-up's permission,” Jin-Goo said as if citing some sacred book.

This could backfire on Seokmin horribly. You called him, your throat dry. "Seokmin, there’s a camera."

Jin-Goo chuckled. "She's smart."

Two loud bangs and a crash of glass rang in your ear, echoing in the cellar. Seokmin just shot the camera. In the half-second that Jin-Goo flinched at the sound, Seokmin shot his hand, disarming him.

You almost bit your tongue at the sound, your hands were bound and you had no way to cover your ears. You grit your teeth and shut your eyes tight. Seokmin was already kneeling in front of you. 

“Are you hurt? I’m so sorry it took so long. I'll get you out of here.” He checked for signs of injury, caressing your numb face. You could barely see him through your tears, could barely hear him from the ringing in your ears and your pounding heart. Your head was about to burst.

Jin-Goo advanced to Seokmin with a scream, his hand covered in blood. Seokmin had anticipated his move and he tackled the man to the ground. Restraining his torso with a knee, Seokmin brought down his fist onto Jin-Goo's face. A loud crack of bone made you wince. Seokmin held his collar and struck him again.

You couldn't watch the sight so your eyes trained at the door that hung open. Gyuri was nowhere to be found. Wonwoo came in with a gun in his hand. His eyes fell on Seokmin getting his knuckles bloody then in your bound, trembling state. 

The consigliere released the shackles from your feet and the restraints from your wrists. He pulled you up. “Can you walk?”

You couldn't answer him. You wanted to look at Seokmin, to see if he was coming, but the sound of his fists on the other man's flesh made you shiver.

“Y/n, do you want me to carry you out?” Wonwoo asked. 

You still couldn't answer, but you took a step towards the door, anyway. Before you and Wonwoo got out, you heard Jin-Goo's weak voice. 

“The boss will get you and your bitch killed once you kill me, you fool.”

“No. I met the boss, he gave me the green light. Said he wanted me to deal with you however I want. I make more money than you anyway. You're just a liability… like the others.”

Like the others. So it was true then, that Seokmin had attacked the other capos. You wondered what else was true about the things your abductor told you.

Wonwoo dragged you before you could hear the last note of Jin-Goo’s agonized scream.

There were bodies on the floor, unmoving and covered in blood. You knew they were Seokmin's doing. You closed your eyes as you put one foot in front of the other.

It was a long minute of walking up different sets of stairs and dark corridors before finally seeing an open door into the night. Just as you got closer, a girl yelled.

"Y/n, wait!”

Wonwoo was already blocking you from her, gun trained to her head.

Gyuri didn't falter. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He made me do it. I had no choice, he was going to kill my sister. I had no choice. Let me escape with you.”

She betrayed you. She ignored your pleas. She hurt you. You couldn’t meet her eyes. It was your turn to ignore her.

A loud crack from behind Gyuri echoed and she collapsed on the floor. Seokmin was there, face lined with murder. He dug the barrel of his gun into the underside of her chin, ready to kill her.

The deaths would cost him his status and his power, if not his life. Gyuri had betrayed you and hurt you, but you couldn't stomach the image of her helpless and face-to-face with death.

“Stop! Seokmin, please. I beg you.” Your throat strained, your voice broken and weak. “Just stop, let's go. It—It'll be difficult for you to plead innocent in court.”

“But I'm far from innocent, baby. Now close your eyes.”

“No! Please, don't be stupid. you don't have to do this.”

Wonwoo grabbed you away and into the cold night air, dragging you towards the car before you heard the gunshot. Your knees faltered and gave up when you heard it. It was a pain unlike any other. Wonwoo lifted you up and into the backseat. 

Before Seokmin left the building, the consigliere climbed behind the wheel. He waited for him even though a part of you was terrified and hoped he wouldn't get in the car. 

Seokmin settled into the front seat. As he checked on you in the mirror, you covered your face and pretended to be asleep. It was stifling. It hurt even more than the strikes you'd had.

There was nothing more painful than realizing Lee Seokmin really was a monster. And what hurt more was you realized just how scared you were. You were terrified of the person you loved the most.

It was a long drive, the night was pitch black and your ears were still ringing. You were sure that they could both hear your quiet sobs.

“I don't wanna go back to my apartment,” you whispered into the silence.

“It's okay, we can go to my place.” Seokmin looked back at you but you couldn't meet his eyes, afraid that you'd see the murderous glare in them.

“No.” You managed to utter. 

You gave Wonwoo your parents’ address.

⋆₊ ♱

The house was just as you left it. Quiet and devoid of lights. The sound of crickets filled the cold night. Seokmin walked you towards the front door, holding an ice pack against your numb cheek. You pulled an old key under a potted plant by the porch and unlocked the door. It creaked.

“Call me if you need anything. I'll be here tomorrow.” He handed you the ice pack. 

“Is it true? Your organization—your family…did you frame my father?”

He took a deep breath. “Yes.”

It was like you were seventeen again, crying to sleep as the victims of the mortgage scam banged on your door, cursing profanities at your father. They were so hurt, so angry that you almost believed your father actually did it.

Seokmin searched for your eyes, saying he was going to fix this. His voice was sweet. So pure, so believable.

It was like you were twenty again, pleading for them to file a retrial for your father. No matter how much you dug into the case, nothing came out. No names, no people to point fingers at.

Seokmin called your name, trying to snap you out of your trance. He called you again. And again.

You were twenty-four again, applying for law school with one goal in mind: make sure no other child will experience what you've experienced. Your father was released then but he was not the same man who told you everything was going to be fine.

Of course, it was just one of the many scams Seokmin's family did. It was just another job for him. He probably didn't even know the names of their scapegoats and other victims.

You stared at him, wanting to ask why he didn't say anything before, why he was pretending nothing happened. But you couldn't form the right words.

“I'll take you to dinner tomorrow and explain everything, okay? Get some rest. Put this on your face and apply an ointment after, hmm? I love you, baby.”

He leaned down to kiss your temple.

You flinched. You didn't mean to, but you flinched. Even under the dark sky, you could tell he was hurt. He swallowed as his eyes became glossy, tears bound to spill before you closed the door on his face. 

Your insides felt like ripping apart. You wanted to throw up, lash out, curse out loud, but you were too tired to do anything, so you moved towards the living room. You knew you looked like a mess. You also knew sneaking into your parent's house in the middle of the night was a bad idea. 

There she was, your mother, stumbling through the living room. She stared dumbfounded at the state of your appearance. 

“Y/n!”

You braced yourself for a slap, a shove, and being called a shameful daughter. You had a whole made-up story ready to tell her. But when she looked at you with genuine concern, you couldn't hold it in any longer. You burst into tears, collapsing onto the sofa, shaking with sobs.

“Shh… there, there, child.” She gently rested your head on her lap. You sobbed harder than ever before, the cries wrenching from your throat painfully, yet somehow, their release felt freeing.

⋆₊ ♱

Seokmin turned away, signaling Wonwoo to start the car. He said nothing as he walked out of your property. Out of your life. He said nothing as he heard you cry—cry because of him.

⋆₊ ♱

“I love him. I love him so much.” You whimpered. “I love him so much, but why does it hurt this bad?”

You were ready to be bombarded with questions. Your mother had no idea what you were talking about. But she felt your pain and that was enough. No context had to be said. Whatever you were feeling in your heart shot through her, as if the umbilical cord was never cut.

That night, you just let your tears flow. The ice pack has melted, dripping onto the carpet, but you didn’t move. You shook and cried your eyes out on her lap. She caressed your hair like you were a child again. She whispered sweet nothings as you sobbed through the night.

Breaking down and being cradled by your mother was an experience you never thought you'd feel again. You drifted to sleep, nightmares already haunting you, but you could feel her fingers on your scalp. 

“I love him. I love him so much.” You exhaled and let your shoulders sag. It was the worst yet the deepest sleep of your life. 

Tomorrow came and Seokmin did not appear as he promised. A part of you was relieved, but you also wanted to know his side of the story. Maybe he was forced to do the paperwork. Maybe he didn't have a choice.

Or maybe you were wrong about him all this time and he didn’t care about you and your father. 

When the sun finally rose, you walked upstairs into your old room. The warm rays filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow across your childhood bed. You spent the entire day sleeping, wrapped in the familiar comfort of your old sheets. The scent of aged books filled your nostrils, their musty fragrance mingling with memories of late nights spent reading under the covers.

Dinner with your parents was hell. You loved your mother’s cooking and you were grateful for her, but the second your father walked down the stairs, your heart sank. His face was lined with age, gray hair sticking out of his roots, his mind was somewhere else. It took him a few seconds to stare at your face before he acknowledged your presence. It was like he forgot he had a child. 

“Who did that to you?” He ran his gaze around, looking for the perpetrator, as if someone was going to come out of the shadows. He was hypervigilant yet quite not there.

“No one. It’s just allergies.”

Your mother shot you with a look, clearly not impressed with your lying. You were a law student, for God’s sake, you could have thought of some good reason to cover it up. But your father bought it, anyway. He flinched at the slightest sounds. Even the clink of utensils made him jump. With every second you spent with them, more and more guilt crept up your spine to eat you from the inside.

After dinner, you stayed in your room, digging up the old cases you studied when your father was still in jail. It consisted of similar court documents, files of other victims, framed suspects, and newspaper clippings. They were all swept under the rug like your father. But all of them aligned with Jin-Goo’s information. Someone powerful and rich enough to pay for people’s silence was behind them. Someone like Seokmin’s boss. 

A chill ran down your spine. Your father was an innocent real estate businessman. The evidence against him made you doubt that back then. He'd been convicted for eight years and spent the last two years scared of everything. Seokmin’s family took away a decade of his life. Seokmin’s family had ruined your life.

You were crying in your bed, head slumped against the sheets as the pale moonlight shone through the windows. Your phone rang, you didn’t even remember Seokmin giving it to you. His name flashed on your screen. With a shaky breath, you reached for the phone, unsure if you were ready to answer.

“I’m sorry, I couldn't be there. I still had a lot to fix. Are you okay? Is your face still swollen? Did they hurt you anywhere else? I’m really sorry about all of this, y/n.” He kept rambling with that sweet, doting voice. The voice of a caring boyfriend, not a liar. Not a murderer.

You ignored his questions. “Why didn’t you tell me anything about your involvement with my father’s case? You could’ve told me at least something, Seokmin.”

“I’m sorry, y/n. I’ll make this right. I promise I’ll make this right.” 

It wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Gyuri’s face as she pleaded for her life crossed your mind again. The scream of Jin-Goo as you escaped rang in your ear. The broken bodies on the ground flashed in your sight.

“Y/n?” he called again. “I’ll fix this. I’ll fix this for you.”

You hung up and—before you could think twice—blocked his number.

You filed a week of leave and spent it helping your mother with the chores, trying to pick up the pieces of your life and of yourself back together— slowly. You didn’t check your phone; cutting off from the outside world. You only spoke with your mother and, occasionally, your father. You had tried gaining information on what they remembered about his case, but it was a difficult topic in the household. It was the topic that would make him shift in his seat and walk out.

One night, your mother turned on the television to watch the news. You were about to head upstairs when you saw Gyuri and Jin-Goo’s faces. Mugshots. The headline said they were in jail for drug trafficking. You ran towards the television in shock. 

A clip of them shackled and being dragged by the police was shown. They were alive. Badly beaten, completely unrecognizable, but alive. Seokmin listened to your pleas. Seokmin didn't kill them. 

He did not break your rule.

The faint voice of the reporter mentioned something about life-long sentences in prison. You stared at the television for a long time, even after the news program had ended. The couple was locked up for good. And it repeated in your head again: Seokmin didn’t kill them; he did not break your rule.

That night, Wonwoo called you. You had to ponder if you were going to pick it up, but eventually decided to go for it. You owed Wonwoo a lot for saving you, anyway. 

“Y/n, did you hear the news?”

“Yes. I thought he killed them.”

“Of course he didn’t, y/n. He’s part of the mafia, but he’s not a murderer. He’s not the devil everyone believed him to be.”

“But, the case of my father...”

“That’s not true. I know what happened because I was there during the court proceedings. It wasn’t Seokmin who did it, but the other capos. The moment he learned about your father, Seokmin quickly immobilized their businesses. He also found out that some of them murdered civilians and sided with rival gangs so he ratted their stupidity out to the boss. Jin-Goo knew he was up next so he tried to stop it.”

“Why did he say yes when I asked him?”

“Because he can’t deny that he’s still part of the family. I think that’s what bothers him the most these days.”

Pain shot through your chest. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for Seokmin. He tried everything to please you, to make sure you’re safe and you’re happy. You couldn’t understand why things just don’t go your way. 

Wonwoo’s voice became more quiet. “Tell me when are you coming back. I’ve never seen him like this. He's not just crying, he's grieving. He's been making me do very weird paperwork.”

“Weird how?”

“Whistleblower-kind-of-weird paperwork.”

Your jaw dropped at the mention of the word whistleblower. This wasn’t good. Ratting out his gang—his family—was far from a good idea. Blood would spill and you prayed to the heavens it wasn’t Seokmin’s. 

‘The boss never liked traitors,’ you heard Jin-goo’s voice in your head.

Before you could even think, you were packing your bag, kissing your mother goodbye. You took one last look at your father and drove to Seokmin’s apartment.

You stared at his door, unable to knock. The last time you were here felt like years ago. But you could already smell him. Cedarwood. The smell of home. The door opened and you jumped, hiding behind a huge plant nearby, just out of sight. Seokmin was talking to someone on the phone.

"This isn't a threat." His voice was cold and demanding, far from the sweet tone he had used when talking to you. "I'm going down. And you all go down with me."

Your heart sank at his words. He was putting himself in so much danger, so many people would be angry at him, and many people would attack him, and yet his voice did not waiver.

“I don't care if it's too late, hyung. I want to change. You’re our boss, but you’re also my brother, so either you turn your back on them or me. I’ll wait until midnight.”

This was dangerous. So very dangerous. If he was planning to expose himself as part of the mafia, the last thing you should be doing was being with him, risking other people to see you. So you drank in the sight of him two meters away from you, with his black hair and chiseled face. He was wearing a black suit that reminded you of your first meeting. His hands were lined with so much history, so much experience. You basked in the smell, the glow, the presence of him before turning away. You prayed for the best.

⋆₊ ♱

Lee Seokmin was trained to feel the presence of anyone spying on him. But he didn’t need that training because he could feel you anyway. He could smell your perfume, and could almost hear your breath. He almost smiled when he saw your shadow shuffle behind the plant. A huge part of him waited for you to come out of hiding. He waited because he couldn’t force you to fight this with him. But he also knew it was his battle to win and his mess to fix. He was content with your visit; he knew you were silently wishing him the best, so he swallowed his greed anyway.

As he waited for his boss’s decision, he couldn’t help but cry.

⋆₊ ♱

‘He's not just crying, he's grieving.’ Wonwoo had said.

You couldn’t lie.

You grieved for him too.

And the whistle blew.

Raids, buy-bust operations, one business after another had been shut down. The media was on a roll, broadcasting every time a member was arrested. The crime family was flashed on screen, a terrifying gallery of faces. Mugshots for the history books. 

It was complete except for Seokmin, Wonwoo, and the boss, whom you now knew as Seungcheol. They were the last strands of the wilting web—the reason why the empire was crumbling. The pressure was mounting and you’ve lost sleep worrying about them.

You kept in touch with Wonwoo until he and Seokmin went into a witness protection program. Before he cut you off for good, Wonwoo promised that he would do everything he could to keep Seokmin safe, and if Seokmin ever went to jail, it would be alright. They were all ready.

Seokmin wanted to change.

.     ♰   .   ❦   .   ♰     .

3 Years Later

The sound of clicking keyboards and the quiet hum of the faculty’s air conditioner was broken when the door suddenly opened. A middle-aged woman entered with a wide grin on her face. She ran towards you, making you pause your work.

“Professor y/n! Have you seen the new instructor? He’s so handsome.” She grabbed your arm, forcing you to stand. 

Grabbing your coffee from your desk, you let her take you towards the buzzing hall. It was midterms, and you could feel the stress emanating from the students, a palpable tension in the air. It reminded you of the old days when you spent days and nights studying. Only if you could see yourself now: a bar passer and a full-time professor at the university.

You never would’ve imagined seeing him there, at the same university as a new instructor. It struck you, stirring a mix of aching sorrow and unexpected relief. It felt as though the thorns that had long been embedded in your chest were finally being pulled out. You had buried those feelings so deeply that you hadn’t even realized the pain they caused until the moment they began to fade away.

He had changed his name to Dokyeom. For safety purposes, you assumed. It was a symbol of a new beginning, of another chance. He no longer had that tension in his jaw, his softer features and kind eyes were more prominent. Girls and boys in the hall giggled as they passed by him, yet he didn’t notice. 

He was wearing a more casual attire. He no longer had chains around his neck, no black leather jacket, just a brown suit, a more refreshing aura.

You admired him for a moment, maybe two. It wasn’t until you heard a student profusely apologizing for bumping into you that you noticed you spilled your coffee onto your shoes. Brown liquid seeping into the soles of your feet. You winced and stepped away from the small puddle of drink.

And there he was on his knees.

He had the same black hair, but instead of the sharp, perfect style it once had, he sported his natural curls instead. He still smelled like cedarwood, but now with a hint of lavender and sage. It was a breath of fresh air. He had his handkerchief drawn, wiping the spilled coffee from your shoes.

He looked up with the kindest smile. He had changed. But he was still the same man who kneeled and wiped liquor from your shoes all those years ago. The same man who saved you, made sacrifices for you, and turned his back on his family. He had let go of the only life he’d ever known for another chance with you.

He was the same man who never broke your rule. 

It was at that moment you knew there was no letting go of him this time. You’d do everything to have the privilege to fall in love with him again, no matter how many pleas it would take.

tags: @hipsdofangirl @alyssa19123456 @dokyeomkyeom @intaksfav

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