So I Go Into Things Half Blind With Optimism - Tumblr Posts

Short scenes from the paracosm: The Time Adamska Got High

Referenced in this post, Adamska once saved everybody from a fucked up school shooting type situation. Here is my little rendition of the scene I see in my head when Katrin goes to visit him in the hospital. Adamska ends up letting some...interesting things slip out while high as balls on cruor which was what made Katrin start thinking he was a sussy little imposter!

And it was also uh. Just very. Weird.

As Katrin approached the door, she saw Elyse Dressler exiting Adamska’s room. Katrin could tell it was Elyse, even from behind and from a considerable distance down the hall, just from her bright ginger hair. Elyse turns around and meets Katrin’s gaze with a sullen look. 

“Oh. Katrin. Hi.” Elyse tries and fails to seem more cheerful than she is. “...I guess you’re here to see Adamska too.” She tossed her shiny orange locks over her shoulder.

Katrin nodded. “How is he doing?”

Elyse leaned on the door and huffed a sigh from her puffed freckled cheek. “He was asleep when I went in there.”

“Oh, dear. Perhaps I have picked bad timing to come by.” 

“Well, the doctor told me the cruor has him in and out of consciousness right now. I waited around a bit to see if he’d wake up, but… maybe you’ll be luckier than me.” Elyse made a pursed lipped smile that wasn't much of a smile at all.

“I suppose there is no harm in trying.” Katrin nodded in agreement, keeping her hands folded neatly in front of her. 

Katrin glanced at the door handle, but Elyse made no move to step away from the entrance. She just stood there, looking Katrin over, her eyes scanning the girl up and down.

“...We put in all of this planning and effort and work for the Fall Ball…” She said finally. “I mean, me especially, to make everything fun for everyone, and then…?” Elyse's back slid down the door until her rear end connected with the floor. She looked up at Katrin with tears starting to form in her bright blue eyes. “And I mean…there’s never going to be another Vermilion Fall Ball. That was it. The last one ever.” 

Elyse looked up at Katrin with a pitiful look on her pretty face, waiting expectantly for her reply. 

Katrin racked her brain for the right words to say. “Yes…and I am sorry it turned out that way. But the important thing is that no one was killed.” 

“Of course. I know that. It’s just… nevermind. You must think I’m so selfish or something. Forget it.” Elyse huffed, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. 

“That is not it at all. I do not think you are selfish, Elyse.” Katrin corrected her. “You just said yourself you tried to make things fun for everyone. That does not sound selfish to me.” 

“...Guess you probably wanna see Adamska.” Elyse said as she stood up. She tilted her dainty upturned nose to the ceiling for a moment in an effort to nonchalantly keep the building tears from escaping her eyes. “...See you later, Katrin.” 

Elyse was gone before Katrin could make a reply, speeding away with a discreet sniffle. Katrin wondered if she should chase after her. But it seemed she wanted to be left alone. 

And besides, what help would Katrin be to her?

Katrin opened the door to Adamska’s hospital room as silently as she could, her hair falling in waves over her shoulder as she poked her head inside. “Adamska…?” She whispered gently.

Adamska, wearing all white, looked to be asleep in his bed, but he opened one eye at the sound of Katrin’s voice, and then the other one once he was sure it was her. “Ah, Katya, is you...” His words sounded a bit slurred.

Katrin stepped into the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. “I am sorry. Did I wake you?” 

Adamska grinned crookedly. “No. I not actually sleeping. Was pretend. Elyse Dressler girl come in here to talk to me, I pretend to be asleep whole time she talking.” 

“Oh.” Katrin answered. “Why?” She blurted curiously. 

Adamska laughed drunkenly. “Because I do not like Elyse Dressler girl.” He kept grinning at Katrin like he expected her to laugh too. Katrin nervously forced a chuckle. She’d never seen Adamska like this before. Never seen him smile so wide. She supposed it was the effect of the Cruor. 

Adamska spoke something in Russian to her as confidently as if she were a native speaker who would understand him completely, then suddenly shifted to German mid sentence. “-is not how women should be. But… Katrin Beck girl…her, I like...” Adamska sighed tiredly, shutting his eyes with a contented look. Katrin wondered for a moment if perhaps he’d just fallen asleep, but he opened them again with a suddenness that make her startle. “You are okay, Katrin?” He slurred, mixing in some jumbled Russian at the end of his sentence that trailed off into nothingness. 

“...Yes, I am alright, thanks to you. It is why I am here to say thank you to you, Adamska.” Katrin offered him a tiny smile. 

Adamska smiled back at her, shaking his head and wagging his finger chastisingly. “Tsk tsk… no. No need. You would be ok all on your own. You were smart. Smart girl. …Why you so smart?” 

Katrin just shrugged with a bit of nervous laughter. Adamska laughed too. Much harder and louder, like he’d just been told a hilarious joke. 

“...No.” he frowned suddenly. “No, you should not thank me for keeping you safe, Katrin. Because... I do not do that. I only make everything more danger.” 

Katrin quirked an eyebrow in confusion. “What do you mean?” She asked curiously. 

Adamska looked strained as he mumbled something in Russian. “The Lord does not like deceivers…but the sun rise and have all comes to light…”

“...What? Deceivers?” Katrin asked. The word struck her with some small pang of anxiety. “Wh…who is a deceiver?” She asked him. 

“Deceivers are everywhere, little Katrin…everywhere danger… stay away from danger. Or, please try…” Adamska murmured, his brows furrowed and eyes tightly shut, as if he were fighting to get them open and remain conscious. Katrin stared at him, wondering if he was still awake. His blue-grey eyes flew open suddenly and fixed upon her. “...You should not have come here.” He warned her gravely.  

Katrin felt the fingers of fear squeezing tighter on her heart now. “Wh-why would you say that?” She asked, coming closer to his bedside and leaning in to look into his eyes. So icy and cold. Katrin felt the harsh chill of winter, and shivered as if a frigid breeze blew by.

"Cold?" Adamska’s stern face melted into a smile once more as he murmured gently in Russian. Though his eyes which now bore into her never seemed to get any warmer. “...You are so…” he muttered in Russian while reaching a hand out toward her to stroke her face. “So beautiful and so innocence. Like angel.” He ran his fingers through her hair, breathing in deeply. 

Katrin straightened her spine, her hair slipping through Adamska’s fingers as she pulled away from him. Her fingers twitched with discomfort at her sides as she stared silently at him. Adamska’s eyes began to close once more, his head tilting away as he seemed to begin to drift off.

“Adamska.” Katrin prompted him, hoping to keep him from slipping away into dreams. She saw his closed eyelids twitch in response. “Why did you say that? Why do you think I should not have come here? You think there are danger here?” 

Adamska’s eyelids weakly lifted open, and he looked at her with pitiable, sunken eyes. “...I am the danger to you, Katrin. You should run away. Before little girl become eaten by wolf just like in fairy story… red… red… red…” Adamska began to look increasingly frustrated until, to Katrin’s shock, he began to hit himself roughly on both sides of his face, shouting something in Russian as he did so.

“Please stop that!” Katrin grabbed his hands firmly, putting a stop to his outburst. “Do not hit yourself, please. Please, I do not like that. You should not hit yourself.” 

Adamska looked at her with confusion. Like he didn’t understand her. But somehow Katrin knew that it wasn’t the language barrier that was the source of the confusion. Just what was being said. 

Katrin gently released his hands. “...I do not know what you are talking about” She pleaded quietly, holding eye contact with him as he looked at her almost fearfully with quiet reverence and stinging red cheeks. “...Please tell me. Why do you think you are danger to me, Adamska? Why did you say that?” 

Adamska gazed at her silently for a moment, and Katrin felt a very sudden, very strange shift in atmosphere. “...Kiss me.” Adamska breathed, staring at her with a half-lidded, lusty expression that Katrin would never have expected he was even capable of. 

She stared back at him, stunned speechless. “Please kiss me…” He reiterated. “I want to taste you…eat you…” He reached for her face. Katrin pulled away before he could touch her again, and simply stared down at him in utter disbelief. Adamska stared back, then his eyes began to slowly fall shut. 

“...Run away, little red girl… run run away…” he whispered weakly, just barely still there at all. “Run away…”

Adamska fell silent, and Katrin was certain now that he was asleep.

She stood frozen there a few moments more, trying desperately to figure out what to make of any of that.

Paranoid, Katrin's eyes darted around. She looked out the little window on the door, left and right over her shoulder, checked all four dark corners of the room…but she found nothing at all. The only people here were her and Adamska.

And yet she felt as though she were being hunted.

She looked down at Adamska. All traces of his usual stern squint had totally melted away. He looked almost boy-like. Like a little child.

“...Thank you for saving my life, Adamska. That is all that I wanted to say.” Katrin whispered. She hesitated a moment, then leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. 

When she pulled back, Adamska was smiling peacefully in his sleep. His lips barely moved as he murmured. "Mama..."

...Katrin felt that it was time to go.