So I Have Tried To Stay Off Here Today In Which You Know This - Tumblr Posts
INSOMNIA 불면증 CHAPTER #3 (18+)
CHAPTER SYNOPSIS:
💫 GENRE: angst (!!!), smut, fluff (if you search for it with a magnifying glass)
🗝 WORD COUNT: 11.0k
🧸 CONTENT INFO: chan x afab reader, minho x afab reader, nonidol!au, university!au, fwb, friends2lovers, reader is queer, roommate!chan, frenemy!minho, childhoodfriend!tzuyu (twice), roommate!lisa (blackpink), roommate!felix, miyeon ((g)i-dle), members of ateez, original characters, some quotes/references to BMTH – drown & sleepwalking as well as Florence + The Machine – Shake It Out, oc vicky our favourite gemini and reader protector 👏🏻 vicky marry me pls we also stan tzuyu, lisa, felix, chan and minho in this household because they are such good friends, reader is addressed as Ms Y/L/N once
🍃 WARNING: chan has insomnia, reader has depression, mention of SA in the past (not explicit and none of the idols of course!!), lots of insecurities about society’s expectations regarding romance and sex; daddy issues (!!), explicit description of depressive episode, loss of appetite because of depression (!!), mention of sleep paralysis and drowning (solely as a metaphor!), minho playfully slaps reader on the ass once but they’ve given consent lol (minho the butt hunter), homophobic comment, slutshaming and victim blaming comment, mention of violence, fighting, blood and injuries
✨ SMUT WARNING: dom!minho (both softdom and harddom) sub!reader, fingering, oral (f receiving), piv, semi-unprotected sex (reader is on the pill), marking, slight spit play, degrading, praising, edging, dumbification, possessiveness, name calling (doll, darling, slut, whore, good girl), accidental voyeurism
💌 AUTHOR’S NOTE: wow okay I guess this is a heavy one. Get your tissues ready for crying and other things This is also a bit self insert but at least it helped me cope with mental stuff, so this chapter means a lot to me! Anyways– pls still enjoy and thanks for supporting me. I really appreciate it 🤍
spotify playlist ☁️
☽ SERIES MASTERLIST ☽
The characters do not portray any of the skz members in real life, the names are just used for fiction. Also minors do not interact, this post contains mature themes. By clicking on “read more” you consent to nsfw content.
Week 1, January 3rd
Week 1, January 3rd
Week 1, January 3rd
Week 1, January 3rd
Week 1, January 3rd
Motivation: 4/10
General mood: 4/10
Swollen eyes get hit by the midday sunbeams, making them wake up earlier than you would have liked. Grabbing your phone from your nightstand table, you realise you haven’t charged it. Great. Now your device has as much energy as you, at least you’re matching!
It takes you thirty minutes to unlock your phone just to scroll through the same two social media apps for another half an hour, until you get up. The kitchen is empty and you’re glad about it. Socialising is the last thing you need right now.
But you’ve gotten your hopes up too soon, when you notice Chan joining you in the room. A small ‘hello’ escapes his lips and you greet him back with a nod.
“I hope I don’t cross any boundaries here but how are you? I haven’t really seen you these days.”
Right, Chan, I’m in the middle of getting over a heartbreak you caused whilst entering the worst depressive episode in a while. I’m doing just great.
“I’m alright.”
He doesn’t believe you, doesn’t believe any of your words that you so casually lie through your teeth.
“Wow. Clearly you’re not.”
It’s getting annoying now. You should have never left your room.
“Okay. What if? Still don’t wanna talk about it.”
His face softens, at least you’re being honest now even though you decline his offer.
“That’s okay. You don’t have to. Just know that I’m there for you, alright?”
For fuck’s sake – why does he have to care about you like that?
And it brings you back to all the little emotions and feelings you have for him and probably will never get rid off.
Even if the unlikely possibility of Chan wanting something serious struck, you would be way too insecure to get into a relationship now. You really don’t want to transfer all your emotional and mental garbage onto someone else. Especially, since you know Chan has to fight his own demons as well.
☽
Week 2, January 13th
Motivation: 3/10
General mood: 3/10
The new university classes you’re attending aren’t doing any good to your mental health. It has only been the second week, still you’re already overwhelmed. Not surprising, considering you’re so drained out.
You’re deeply holding onto the tiny molecules of energy that you have left, somewhere deep down, as they awaken whenever you’re listening to your current favourite song, seeing the sun rise in the morning or one of your friends sending a ‘this reminded me of you’ text added to a meme they share on social media.
The days go by, one exactly like the next. Blaming it on the general winter depression and New Years’ sadness that’s always overwhelmed you, you’re trying to push the thoughts aside.
Not the best idea. Ignoring them just fills your life with this void again. The void, that’s even more unbearable than all the emotions you can’t cope with. It’s like there’s shadow at places the light never visits.
Your friends distract you from it, being with them has always helped you – no matter if it’s Tzuyu who’s known you for so long, Felix who’s still the sunshine on a cloudy day for you, Lisa who thrives you to keep going whenever you can’t get up, Minho – the newest addition to your circle – who’s so similar to you it’s almost scary and Chan who’s just there for you and listens no matter what.
Yes, even these days. Yes, even after the talk last week.
Even though you’re not really talking to each other, he makes sure you’re alright. Filling the fridge with food he knows you will still be able to eat even though you’ve lost appetite. You appreciate it, deeply, even though you don’t have any strength to tell him.
In conclusion, your friends are the last sunbeams you’re so desperately holding onto.
So there’s hope. There definitely is.
Until your phone receives a notification sent by him. He’s added you to a group chat with many people from your year, Tzuyu’s contact number is included as well.
All hope vanishes away like ashes in the slightest wind. It’s there again. The void mixed with the right amount of anxiety sprinkled in.
Even after all these years, you know you’ll feel uncomfortable around him. You can already sense all the anxiety attacks coming in, it’s like thousand tiny needles stabbing into your stomach and your breath hitches. Goosebumps all over your skin, whenever his name gets thrown in the room.
But only a few more years. Only a few more years and you will mark that seven-years-line. They say, a body and all of its cells regenerate after this period.
That means, one day you’ll have a body he has never touched.
Your ex boyfriend is inviting you – along with some other people from high school – to a birthday he’s celebrating with a friend. Said friend wants you there as a guest, that’s the reason you were added to the group chat in the first place.
They still don’t get it, don’t they?
A few friends from your year have known about the incidents that happened back then, especially the one who’s invited you. Correction – they’re not really a friend anyway. You’ve lost touch years ago and even ignoring this, they’ve never supported you with your trauma.
In your last year, right before graduation, when your worst depressive episode of all time was torturing you until you were only an empty shell, you’ve told them about your experiences. Even though more than two years had already passed.
The friend had never taken it seriously, pressuring you into speaking up about it and assuming it couldn’t be that bad since you didn’t go to the police.
Sure. Go to the police without any evidence to file charges against your boyfriend.
Also, when it happened, you didn’t even realise it was his fault. You’ve blamed it on yourself.
You’re not doing that anymore. You’ve been through way too many hours of therapy. You’ve gained a lot of self confidence and you know your worth.
Still, he’s the second man that broke your heart. That’s why you’ve sworn to yourself to never let anyone get close to you. At least no men.
And on top of that – as if you’re not already laying on the ground, bleeding and unable to get up – you get a text message from your father. Speaking of the devil. His contact name is his full name, you’ve changed it years ago.
Hello, Y/N. How is university going? You never call. Just wanted to let you know I won’t be supporting you financially for forever. You better finish that degree soon. Please keep me updated at least. Otherwise I’ll have to speak to your mother.
You grab your notebook from under the bed, taking out the pen laying on top of it, correcting today’s documentation.
Week 2, January 13th
Motivation: 3/10 2/10
General mood: 3/10 1/10
☽
Week 3, 19th January
Motivation: 1/10
General mood: 1/10
It’s like you’ve fallen into a hole, that’s growing deeper and deeper. The one thing you always wanted to avoid – your mood and mental state depending on another person. When you were still with Chan, even though it has never been anything official and serious, you’ve turned into the light of life.
There was nothing to worry about. He always made sure you’ve eaten enough, you’ve done your studies on time and you’ve just felt generally secure and comfortable.
You curse yourself for it. Even though it’s not your fault. Feelings, emotions and such have always been something incredibly hard to deal with. You’ve wondered why, through the years. You’ve spoken a lot about it in therapy, the reason why you’re scared to show your true self to others.
In one of the recent appointments you had with your therapist, you’ve dug a little deeper. Trying to find just a small particle that would lead you to an answer. You thought it was ridiculous. What your therapist said.
A constant state of anxiety should be the cause for all this?
These two play together like fire and ice. For the most time of your life you believed that anxiety wasn’t a thing you had to deal with. It’s still not like that. You’ve seen it in friends who are tortured with that problem.
Anxiety, somehow, is a feeling, an emotion as well. But you don’t experience those. You haven’t – in years.
Until it caught you right then and there. Last week. When receiving that text message.
It all makes sense now, even though you still can’t believe it. The way he’s been emotionally unavailable your whole life, even before your parents had separated, helps you connect all the dots.
It’s like a mixture of never learning how to deal with any feeling except for anger and the constant state of anxiety caused by the pressure he’s put on you. There’s simply no space for other emotions. There’s no space for sadness, for happiness, for excitement.
Void.
Void is all you’ve ever known.
And above all that – you’re so tired. Tired from the city that never sleeps, tired from all the little things that bother you, tired from being tired.
Every day now consists of waiting for you don’t even know what, as the time just doesn’t seem to pass by. But still, everything happens so fast and in the blink of an eye it’s the next day. The next day of not getting anything done. Just laying in bed waiting for the hours to pass by.
It’s as if everybody else is having the time of their lives, dancing and cheering in the sun under the blue sky and you’re waiting for the sun to rise. As if you’re stuck in the night. Everything’s dark. Everything’s quiet. Everything’s void.
It seems as if void is all you’ll ever know.
☽
Week 4, 27th January
Motivation: 1/10
General mood: 1/10
You call Tzuyu every day. She listens to you rambling and crying over the two men who’ve made you lose trust in their whole species.
She listens to you no matter what.
Until you stop calling every day.
☽
Week 5
Motivation: (patient hasn’t specified)
General mood: (patient hasn’t specified)
☽
Week 6
Motivation: (patient hasn’t specified)
General mood: (patient hasn’t specified)
☽
Week 7
Motivation: (patient hasn’t specified)
General mood: (patient hasn’t specified)
☽
Another buzzing sound echoes through your bedroom. The blinds are preventing any sunlight from entering your dark room, so the phone screen flashing every other minute disrupts your thought process.
The thought process without any actual thoughts, to be precise here.
When the vibrations start again, making you get a bit furious now, you grab the device and turn ‘don’t disturb’ mode on.
Until you read the notifications.
Unread messages (14) from Tzuyu bestie
Daring to open it without any intention to respond – just like you’ve ignored the countless other texts from your best friend – you get hit by a long paragraph.
Tzuyu bestie: Hey darling. Just know there’s no need to respond to any of my messages. Remember I’m there for you whenever you need me. Please don’t hesitate to reach out but I also understand, if you don’t want to talk to anyone or me specifically right now. I love you. It’ll get better when the time is right. You’ve got this. Your body and mind both need this now. You’re strong and you deserve to rest. You deserve all the best in this world. Thank you for being there and for fighting. <3
Fuck. She’s online, you realise now. Your best friend has definitely noticed you reading her text. But there’s no time to worry anymore, since another received text interrupts your thoughts and her words are so fitting for this situation, it’s almost scary.
Tzuyu bestie: You’re not obliged to react to any of this, but I just wanted to let you know there are a few messages on pieces of paper in your apartment to cheer you up and help you get through the day. Maybe this will help. I love you.
A smile instantly erupts all over your face and you believe it’s the first expression you’ve experienced in some weeks.
And the information she’s given you makes you curious. Curious to at least find out about these texts. That’s why you get up from your bed and leave your room, before you check twice if someone’s at home.
When you’re sure the coast is clear you toddle on your tiptoes to the kitchen, searching for any evidence for these mysterious messages your best friend mentioned.
It takes you a few minutes and by now you’ve already searched through the whole apartment, until you find a post-it on your bedroom door, directly above the door knob.
It’s not your childhood best friend’s handwriting, you would have recognised this for sure. Also, it’s quite obvious it has to be made by someone who’s visited the apartment in the past few days.
Taking a closer look, you come to the realisation it’s the same font that was printed onto those small notes attached to the candies and snacks some weeks ago.
Still, there’s no sender’s name on the paper.
But you don’t need one, you already know who’s written it.
“I’ll bring you home again. You’ve got this. I won’t let you drown, alright?”
These are Chan’s words, it’s clear as daylight.
Not solely the handwriting tells you, it’s the words he’s chosen, similar to the talks you’ve shared late at night.
One time, he told you that the depressive thoughts he’s had in his life felt like drowning, being unable to reach water’s surface. That night, you compared your own experiences to sleep paralysis – the urge to get up but it doesn’t matter how hard you try, your body is incapable of moving while your mind is aware of all that’s happening.
It’s comforting to know he’s there for you. Even though he physically isn’t. He’s helping you emotionally.
And after eternity you finally felt okay. Still empty inside but you’re not helpless.
It’s always darkest before dawn, after all.
Week 8, 22nd February
Motivation: 1/10
General mood: 2/10
☽
Week 9, March 4th
Motivation: 1/10
General mood: 3/10
You get back from university. Even though you couldn’t manage to get inside the lecture hall, you were at least able to read some literature for your class in the library.
Entering the kitchen, you spot another one of those notes from Chan.
He doesn’t know how you’re doing, he’s in ruins breaking his mind thinking about how you’re all alone in this situation. Simply, because you don’t really accept any help that’s offered to you.
Lisa, Felix, Chan – all of your roommates – as well as Minho, Vicky and Miyeon are trying to get through that thick shell you’ve built around you. You’re pushing everyone away, but at least they’re able to make sure you eat enough.
Felix bakes brownies for you and cooks, even though you barely eat any of his food. Lisa does your course work, homework, essays, no matter what. Miyeon and Vicky send you playlists with good vibes, offering you to get ready for appointments you can’t avoid, so you feel somehow comfortable.
Minho sends you pics of his cats on a daily basis, always waiting for you to add a little heart to his messages so he’s sure you’re surviving. He knows you don’t want to talk and he respects it. After all, you don’t know each other that well. Still, you feel so safe around him.
And onto your other roommate.
Chan is still ‘hiding’ all these notes in the apartment, attaching a piece of chocolate to it, so he’s sure your stomach isn’t as empty as your soul. It’s better to eat anything than nothing, that’s what he’s always told you. Your mind can’t work if your body is barely getting through the day.
It’s hard for him. There’s still no response to any of the texts, still, he knows you’re reading them. So at least he’s sure they help somehow. Your other friends keep him updated on you, telling him it’s getting better even though you’re just doing baby steps.
But baby steps are better than no steps at all.
One step forward and two steps back still means you’re going in the right direction.
He dearly hopes you’ll never forget this.
“I know this loneliness can be haunting. I know the weight of the world is hard to hold, the weight of all of this. I’ll bring you home again. I promise.”
The words echo through your head once you read them, hours later after they’ve been written, still the ink looks fresh. Chan doesn’t know how much of an impact his little sentences have and you wish to tell him in person but you can’t.
You can barely speak about your mental issues with Tzuyu, let alone Lisa or Felix here. It’s always easier to throw all things bothering you into the suitcase of someone who's far away. That’s the only possibility for them to store it and lock it away in a safe until you’re ready to get the keys and deal with it.
But there’s no way you can live with avoiding him any longer. He’s still there for you, even though you’ve dumped him over the phone and made it look as if you’ve slept with one of his friends a week after – only because you’re afraid about your feelings for Chan.
He means so much to you, more than anyone has ever meant to you. You can’t do this to him. You have to at least say something, respond in any way even if it’s just a few words and not in person.
So you decide to scribble something at the back of the paper, hoping Chan will find it. You place it under his closed door. He went to the campus’s library some hours ago, wanting to get uni stuff done. At least that’s what he's texted in the group chat of your roommates.
Some hours later, when you've finally made it outside to get some groceries, Chan finds the tiny paper under his door.
“Help me find a way to breathe. It’s like time stood still. Please, wake me up. Give me a reason to start again.”
Not a minute goes by until Chan finds himself in his room, the note in his hand getting squashed and scrambled by the way he’s balling a fist. He’s at a loss for words caused by your own words and caused by his helplessness.
He’s wondered over the weeks if you got better. Always hoping for the best and he was sure his notes did at least a little something.
But it’s way more serious even though – little does he know – you’re already on your way to become healthier again.
So Chan decides to text you although he knows he shouldn’t. He doesn’t want to cross any boundaries but your words let his heart shatter into pieces, making him sincerely worry about you.
Chan: I found your message. If you ever want to talk or I can do some more, please tell me.
You receive the message on your way up the stairs to the apartment, making you halt in place which causes the groceries to tumble down.
Shit. What are you supposed to answer? You’ve never thought he’d respond to your reply just like you didn’t. But there’s no way you can still ignore him now, you don’t want to cause any serious trouble.
A short text is the least he deserves for looking out for you, for letting the others know and for everything in general over the past weeks.
You: I’m not ready yet. I’ve gotta be honest here (sorry I’m doing this over text but I simply can’t speak these words) I’m not sure if I’m able to talk about all of this in person, I’m not sure if I can talk about all this with you. I hope you understand. Thank you for being there anyway. These messages have helped me a lot.
A few seconds later he replies and you’re already feeling relieved.
Chan: Don’t worry about me. We’ll talk whenever you’re ready. I promise, I’ll always be there for you.
☽
Week 10, March 9th
Motivation: 2/10
General mood: 3/10
In a moment of weakness, you might have mentioned to Felix and Lisa that your mental state is not solely based on your general depression and family situation but also romance stuff.
You’re not telling them who you’re crying about, as they both respect your boundaries – as long as you promise Lisa at least once a day you’re not having mental breakdowns over Ben.
In any other situation, Lisa would have created a profile on any nasty dating profile for you. But she knows you’re not ready for that in the slightest. Instead, she’s still helping you with all your assignments, making sure you somehow study as much as what’s possible.
She also goes out for a walk with you every day, adding another five minutes from time to time. Felix waits for the both of you, still baking the brownies and making some tea since it’s still a bit cold outside even though spring is right around the corner.
Chan is busy with his internship, basically working the whole day and studying at night when he isn’t capable of falling asleep anyway.
“Do you want a scoop of vanilla ice cream with your brownie?” Felix asks, once you enter the kitchen with Lisa.
You simply nod, laying your jacket aside before you sit down.
“She’s getting better,” Lisa says, almost inaudible.
“Because I’m having vanilla ice cream?” You question her thought process.
“Some weeks ago you would barely eat a piece of brownie. That’s a lot of improvement here and we’re proud.”
She pats your shoulder softly, while Felix places the plate in front of you, as they both join you with eating the sweets.
Once you’ve finished the delicious meal – yes you’re in fact finally enjoying it again – you head to your room, a sparkle of motivation hitting you to send a mail to your professor that you’ve been procrastinating to type into your keyboard.
The note attached to your door, unable to be noticed by your other two roommates since they barely go to this part of the corridor, gets into your vision and you immediately grab it before entering your room.
Sitting down on the bed, a moment of silence, you read the words.
“I’ll dive the deepest oceans for you. I’ll make you feel safe, I promise. I will save you. You’re not alone.”
You’re glad he keeps continuing writing the texts. They help you a lot, possibly the most out of all the incredible things your friends do for you. You make a mental note to thank him one day – with words, spoken out in real life.
But for now, you’re only capable of whispering them out, quietly to yourself.
“Thank you, Channie.”
☽
Week 11, March 14th
Motivation: 3/10
General mood: 4/10
In the distance you hear your bedroom door swinging open, but since Lisa mentioned to look after you today, keep you company for a few hours – even though you told her not to – you decide to continue laying down and ignore her instead.
Slap.
The stinging pain on your butt cheek makes you wake up from your depressed daydreaming. Since when does Lisa have such big hands?
“Get your ass up.”
This isn’t Lisa’s voice.
“Lee Minho– what the fuck?!”
You turn around now, so that you’re laying on your back – this way butthunter!minho won’t be able to fulfill his deeply rooted desires.
“I’ve made some high quality food for you and had been standing in the kitchen for two hours.You better not wait until it gets cold, I will scold you.”
Ah, he’s being strict today. But you’re not in the mood for that. Even though nothing between the both of you has happened since New Years Eve (you were simply not in the mood) you’re still flirting on a daily basis, because that’s just what you do.
It’s not weird. That’s just how you are.
“Who even allowed you to enter this apartment unannounced?” You ask him, wondering how he’s appeared in your room out of nowhere.
“I teleported myself,” he jokes, before he sits down next to you on the bed while placing the food on your nightstand table.
“Lee Minho, you are so funny,” you talk back, “but for real, how did you get in?”
The boy takes a deep breath as if he’s getting ready to be shouted at by you.
“I’m sorry to reveal this–“
“Lisa told you to look after me, didn’t she? I’ve told her I’m getting better I just need some more–“
“It was Chan.”
Oh. Well, that is surprising to say the least.
The conversation subsides, once Minho picks out the food from his bag and toddles to the kitchen to get some chopsticks and spoons.
“You’re gonna allow me to eat in bed?” You ask him as if he’s some kind of a parent to you that you have to ask for permission. Minho adores it, if he’s honest.
“Sure. As long as this makes it easier for you to eat I don’t see a problem with that. I know I’m intriguing from time to time,” his choice of words make you think back of the deep talk you had on New Year’s Eve, “but we’re still doing this at a slow pace, okay?”
You nod whilst taking the first bite from the delicious food and you’re happy you’re already at a stage of healing that you’re capable of enjoying the food he’s put so much effort in.
“This tastes really good, Lee Minho, I’m sincerely impressed.”
You can see the red colour on his face, as he blushes because of your praise. But he just brushes it off and continues eating.
Once you’re finished with the food, the reoccurring thought comes back to your mind, making you question if he’s really just here to eat together. After all, Chan has invited him to get here, probably with the intention to do something about your mental state.
“So now that we’re finished, why are you here exactly?”
The boy doesn’t fight your accusations, still he rolls his eyes to your question.
“I’m here to make an appointment with you. An appointment with your therapist.”
Yeah. It’s clear now. How could you fall for such an amateur plan?
“Ugh– I knew it. You can’t be trusted, you’re a Scorpio after all,” is all you can think of to somehow get back at him.
“What the fuck has that supposed to do with anything?! I’m here because I care about you, stupid.”
Because he cares about you.
“If you cared about me, you wouldn’t pressure me into speaking about my feelings.”
He’s furious. You can already see the smoke and the devil’s horns making their way out of his head. Minho visibly has enough of your behaviour.
“So first of all, brat, I’m not pressuring you into talking about your emotions with me, that’s why we’re scheduling that appointment instead. Second of all, if you’re friends with me, don’t expect me to handle you with kid gloves. I will always be honest with you, even if the truth may hurt.”
You scoff like a little child, crossing your arms in front of your chest before escaping his piercing gaze without any success – Minho is fast to grab you by the jar so you’re looking at him again.
“You barely know anything about me.”
That is a lie.
“Shut your mouth. You know I’m right. I know enough about you to help you and get back on track. I’m not here to make you feel uncomfortable on purpose but it will always get worse first before it can get better. That’s how it works.”
That is correct.
“Alright,” you give in now with just a simple word. Deep down you know you’re wrong and he’s just there to dig you out of this shithole.
“Ugh– I can’t believe I had a crush on you,” Minho blurts out, completely devastated from the argument.
“Lee Minho– you’re fucking mean,” you whine at his demand, knowing for sure you would be furious if any other person had pulled this stunt on you.
But then something in your head switches and it makes you curious to ask for more. “You had a crush on me?” It’s not like you haven’t already known. He hasn’t necessarily been good at hiding it. Still, you want to push some buttons – mostly for your ego.
“Yeah. I mean, I still find you attractive. I can separate feelings from sex, unlike other people in this room,” Minho earns a slight nudge on his upper arm from you, “but I know we’re not meant to be and the more weeks and months had passed by, the more I fell out of love and realised how much I value this friendship instead.”
Something about the way his voice sounds when he speaks his words tells you he’s not completely honest.
But you don’t push further. You’ve annoyed him enough for today.
☽
“Ms Y/L/N, it’s always okay to slow down. It’s okay to change your driving speed. Or to not drive a road down at all. You’re not obligated to choose a certain route or to choose a certain vehicle.”
She’s always known you’ve preferred to speak and listen through metaphors.
“Maybe, you don’t have that driver’s licence yet to take that path. But that’s okay. It’s okay to pause, as long as you’re gonna head towards the destination.”
She sees the small smile erupting on your face, knowing you understand what she means.
And it’s for the first time that you’ve sat on this chair in this very room you’ve been in so many times, that your eyes start stinging, tears hanging on your lower lash line but your therapist is fast to hand you as tissue.
The droplets don’t roll down, they’re basically just filling and disrupting your vision but you still decide to dry them with the paper.
“What’s happening now is a huge step, Ms Y/L/N.”
You look at her dumbfounded, unsure what exactly she’s referring to.
“You. Crying at an appointment. If I reckon it correctly, this has never happened before and I’m proud of you. Not as a therapist, but sincerely I’m happy you’re able to show how you feel even if it’s probably just a tiny bit of that chaos of emotions inside your head and soul.”
Well, now you’re definitely crying. The giggles escaping your mouth harmonise with your sniffling sounds, indicating these are in fact happy tears.
Tears showing you’re relieved, tears showing you’re feeling comfort, tears showing you’re on your way back home.
☽
Week 12, March 26th
Motivation: 5/10
General mood: 4/10
“No, really?! The little restaurant right at the corner? They sell the best pizza I’ve ever eaten in my whole life!”
You giggle at his words, already on a good level of intoxication.
“Yes! My best friend works there. Her name is Tzuyu.”
He takes another sip from his drink, offering you to refill your cup which you allow him to.
“I don’t think I know her. But– what brings you here? So far away from home?”
The guy you met approximately ten minutes ago – he’s attending the same course like the birthday girl Lisa – turned out to be from the same hometown as you.
“I could ask you the same, Sebastian.”
The conversation goes on for a bit and it’s refreshing to talk to someone who has the same roots as you, making you feel both nostalgic and welcome.
It feels good to be back – back at a party around your dearest friends, talking to this handsome stranger and you wonder what the night has to offer.
In the blink of an eye, you find yourself flirting with him, sharing little compliments as you play with a strand of your hair knowing for sure your old energy is slowly getting back.
He seems so innocent, you think while you are already preparing yourself to teach him some manners in case he’ll continue acting all bratty with his jokes.
But then he destroys everything you’ve built up over the past hour with one stupid comment.
“Yeah– no I think women who try to assert dominance, and I really mean trying here since they’re never able, are most of the time just some stupid gay feminists with daddy issues.”
So of course, the first thing that comes to your mind is an absolutely common reaction.
Splash.
Your drink meets his face, decorating his visage in such a pathetic way, just like the words this loser chose to speak out.
“My bad. Maybe it’s because I’m just a stupid gay feminist who can’t think.”
A second later Lisa makes him leave the party.
Luckily, it’s already past midnight by that time, everyone has wished Lisa the best for her birthday and you’re sure the party is almost over. What a washout of a night.
Maybe nobody wouldn’t mind me going to my bedroom anyway, you think as you already make your way towards the corridor.
Until you catch a sound that makes you halt in place.
“Fuck– Chan,” you hear a woman whimper through the thin walls of your roommate’s bedroom.
The voice is familiar to you and it only takes you to listen to another few of her moans to realise you know her.
It’s Macy.
Macy with Chan.
Stupid Macy with your Channie again.
You should have known. That probably isn’t even their first time anyway. Still, it makes your heart ache and you have trouble breathing in the already sticky air that’s lingering in the narrow hallway.
Well, at least you don’t really hear a sound coming from Chan, so maybe that’s a good thing. He’s not enjoying it as much as he’s enjoyed it with you.
That’s what you tell yourself to somehow calm down.
It’s okay, Y/N.
You’ve seen it coming anyway. You haven’t expected the both of you to magically get together, for him to wait for you until you’re finally ready to leave that train station and meet him at the assigned destination.
It’s okay.
You’ll get over him.
When the time is right.
“I’m sorry, Y/N.”
When you snap your head around, Minho stands in your vision, shoulders hanging down and a face similar to a puppy accentuating his empathy.
You remain silent after he’s spoken, trying to gather your thoughts.
“It’s alright. I understand him. I wouldn’t have waited for me either. It’s good he’s going out and having fun. He deserves it.”
With this statement, Minho’s visage tenses, eyebrows furrowing at the thought you’ve given up on the boy you’ve loved for so long.
“Come here,” is all he can think of, as he takes a few steps towards you, pulling you closer. “It’s gonna be okay. This doesn’t have to mean anything.”
You slightly nod, as your head softly lays against his chest.
“I just want to forget him. I want this to be over. I want to think of anything else,” you’re finally able to transform your sorrows into a sentence.
Soaking in the scents of his perfume to calm you down, you try focusing on anything else. Until Minho lets go of you, only to make it easier for your eyes to meet.
“You want to think about something else, huh? Get your pretty mind off of him?”
You simply nod at him, looking at his face with big expectant eyes
“I can help you forget about him.”
And that’s how you find yourself back in your room, together with Minho, as he cages you between the door and his body, just like he did on New Year's Eve.
There’s no time to rethink the decision, his hands are already on your hips, his mouth attacking yours as he asks for entrance. You let out a moan once his tongue touches yours and you expect him to smirk against your lips, but he doesn’t.
Instead, Minho deepens the kiss, his hands wandering down until they meet the back of your thighs. In the blink of an eye, he picks you up so your legs are entangled around his waist, making it easier for him to guide you to your bed.
The weight of the mattress shifts underneath the both of you, once he’s laid you down on top of the soft blanket. He wastes no time in continuing the assault on your neck, kitten licks turning into rough bites now.
Minho makes sure to turn those kisses into a memorable sight, as he wishes to imprint the look of your purple skin on his brain.
You’re his now. Even if it’s just for tonight.
That’s what good friends are for, right?
Every cell in your body wants him. The way his touches make you squirm underneath him, lets you lose your last piece of sanity. But it’s okay. You feel comfortable with him. You feel secure.
You feel so safe you almost forget it’s been some time since you’ve slept with someone. You can still reckon it, the day before you’d left for Christmas, when you said goodbye to Chan.
Get Chan out of your head, Y/N.
By now, Minho has placed his hands on top of your still clothed breasts, massaging the soft flesh as he’s hovering over you.
“Is this okay, pretty?” He wants to make sure you feel comfortable, since he’s been waiting for who knows how long for this exact moment.
“Y-Yes– feels good,” you whimper, rolling your eyes to the back of your head to deal with the sensations he’s giving you. His touches feel like everything you need now and they soon turn into everything you think about.
“I love this dress on you– but let’s get this off, darling,” he insists. You position yourself on your forearms first until you're sitting in front of him and Minho wastes no time to pull the fabric over your head, leaving you there in nothing but your underwear.
It’s as if you’re doing these things for the first time all over again – you’ve never imagined Minho to be so gentle.
You soon find your own hands unbuttoning his shirt to which the boy shyly giggles but he’d never complain. After all, it’s you who’s roaming their hands all over his body. You.
Suddenly, your lips are attached to his neck now, slowly wandering down his chest and Minho lets his head fall back in pleasure. It leaves him breathless, how your soft touches feel on his skin. It’s definitely the most beautiful feeling he’s experienced in a while and Minho wouldn’t trade anything for it.
Already lightheaded yourself, you aim a bit further south with your kisses until you're on eye level with his lower stomach. But the movements don’t stop until Minho halts in place and you’re unsure if you’ve done something wrong. So you just stare at him with big eyes, mouth slightly agape.
“Is everything okay?”
You’re not the one supposed to ask him if he’s okay. After all, he should be the one to make you feel good, make you forget about your crush he hopes isn’t that serious.
“How about you lean back and just enjoy, doll?”
With the way you’re looking at him now, suddenly obedient, he’s gathering enough confidence to push through with his initial plan. You nod in agreement but that’s not enough for the man who’s by now towering over you, as your back hits the mattress underneath.
“Consent, pretty. I won’t start until you ask me to.”
You scoff, believing this is just one of his games to boost his control.
“Minho– please, you can go rough on me. I can handle it.”
The boy is quite startled about your request, as he hasn’t expected you to go all in already but then a smirk appears all over his face at your request.
“Thought you’d never tell me to.”
He winks, before his lips meet yours again and he goes in for another kiss, this time much more aggressive than the others before. His tongue slips into your mouth, gaining dominance over your own.
In the blink of an eye, he’s caressing your cheek just to place his fingers under your jaw a few seconds later in order to keep you in place just like he prefers. A moan escapes your lips, vibrating against his own as he disconnects them from you so he’s able to let out a chuckle.
“Off– off with this,” he points at your underwear as he helps you out of the clothing. Once your panties land in his hand, he observes the wet patch on the fabric and smirks to himself.
“Gonna keep this one, doll,” he tells you before throwing it on top of his discarded shirt that’s pooling on the floor.
His kisses start from your chest again, slowly making their way to their desired destination, until he places them where you need him the most.
“What a pretty pussy you’ve got here and all mine,” he whispers against your heat.
You observe him putting two of his fingers inside his mouth next, as he stares at you and admires your eagerness. You roll your eyes to the back of your head, once the digits slide inside you, stretching you out so deliciously for what will follow.
A moan can be heard from you and you cover your face with your arm, as you soak in every moment of what’s currently happening. Caused by the sharp thrusts of his fingers, he manages to brush that velvety spot inside you.
You don’t even realise that the thought of Chan has left your mind minutes ago.
“Look at you, already squirming underneath me and I haven’t even done much. Pathetic.”
The next moan that can be heard from you is enough that Minho needs as confirmation he’s going in the right direction with you here.
“Just like I thought. Pretty doll likes to be humiliated, right?”
“N-No,” you struggle to talk back.
He spreads your legs a little wider, so the string of saliva leaving his mouth lands where you need to be touched the most. You whimper again and Minho just laughs about your helplessness, since he’s enjoying this a bit too much.
“Yeah, keep convincing yourself. Good luck with that.”
A long wet stripe over your clit spreads the precum and his spit evenly, allowing you to get ready for what’s yet to come. Quite literally. The way his tongue works over your sensitive bundle of nerves, sends waves of pleasure through your whole body. By now you’re sure there’s only desperation flooding through your veins.
And when you catch a glimpse in Minho’s direction, his fluffy hair disheveled and hiding his face, you can’t hold back anymore.
“Fuck–“ you cry out, as your hands grabs one of your breasts, softly massaging the flesh and Minho notices, so he keeps the other one occupied with his own fingers.
You’re getting closer and closer to that sweet feeling, the build up in your lower stomach makes you insane and the delicious taste is within reach.
Until Minho pulls away.
“What the fuck, Minho?!”
He chuckles, whilst wiping away your juices from his chin, before he cleans his fingers by licking the remaining droplets off.
“Nah, slut, when you cum, you only cum around my cock, you get that?”
You visibly gulp at his demand, as you change into a seating position again with the remaining physical energy you have left. The brown haired stands on his knees now, looking down at you in anticipation for you to help him out of his pants.
So you do, but you make sure to take your time, just for the fun of it. Minho is so easy to be provoked and you love it.
“Go on,” he tells you, as he grabs your face with his hands, fingers squishing your cheeks together and you do as you’re told.
Minho isn’t as big as Chan, but that’s the last thing on your mind. After all, his mission has been successful.
“Condoms?” He asks now, looking at you impatiently.
“I’m on the pill– I want you raw– if that’s alright with you,” you ask for his consent now.
“Of course– fuck– I can’t imagine anything better than that.”
With a swift motion he spins you around so that you land on your stomach, before he grabs you by the hips, so that your ass is high up now.
“Good thing I remember your favourite position from that truth or dare half a year ago, right, doll?”
Since Minho has first met you, he’s always wondered what being buried inside your cunt would feel like and it’s no disappointment at all – the way your tight walls clench around him, makes him lose his last bit of sanity, but he still takes his time to bottom you out fully.
Once he’s made sure you’re ready, he grabs you by your hair, the stinging feeling on your head making you get up, so your back collides with his firm chest. His mouth ghosts over his ear, but before he speaks, the movements finally start and he begins thrusting into you.
“I fucking knew it– I fucking knew you are just a needy slut for my cock.”
His words echo in your brain and you can’t help but moan to the sound of his voice. You’re about to go completely feral, when he lets go of your strands again, so that you crush onto the mattress.
You fall face first into the pillows, but Minho wastes no time and grabs your neck with his hands to keep you in place.
The other one is busy switching between roughly digging its fingers into your hips or clashing onto your ass, whenever you talk back at him.
The cushion of the pillow underneath you’re laying on is now soaking wet, since you’re drooling all over the fabric.
“Minho– please,” is all you’re able to let out. Minho chuckles at your helplessness, he’s enjoying every moment to finally have you under him, to make you shut up for once while you’re being so good for him.
“Aw, is my dumb little slut already too far away to speak? Are you fucked out already? Didn’t expect you to be that desperate.”
His degrading words switch a flip inside you, there’s no way you’ll make him believe he’s already got you where he wants.
“Please– Minho be rougher or is this all you’ve got for punishing me?”
Slap.
Well, you could have sensed that this question would earn you a stinging sensation on your ass.
“Pathetic little slut, now you’re even begging for punishment? Never expected you to be such a whore for my cock.”
You whine at his words again, as you allow him to thrust into you and when he finds that spot inside you, you’re sure you won’t last that much longer.
Still, you’re not giving up yet. It’s so much more fun to disagree with him, rile him up just to find out what he’s capable of.
“I’m not– not pathetic,” you try to talk back with zero success.
“Well you’re not quite innocent either, doll. Just look at yourself, taking it like the good slut you are.”
Fuck. The combination of his degrading and praising phrases will be the death of you.
“Gonna fuck you as long as it takes me to let only mindless babbling leave your mouth.”
Giggle after giggle escapes your lips at the thought of his goal and Minho wonders if he’s already achieved it.
He has. By the time only moans and the repetition of his name echo through the room, he’s sure he’s been successful with his plan.
“Whose good little whore are you, hm? Who’s making you feel good?”
“Please– need to cum–“
“Nah, you’ve gotta beg for it. Otherwise I’ll slow down.”
And so he does. It makes you go insane. The anticipation is killing you by now and you’re sure you’ve gotta do what you have to do to reach that sweet relief.
“Fuck– yours, Minho, I’m your whore.”
He pick up his pace again, as he pounds into you without mercy. Brushing that spot inside you, his hand disconnects from your neck, so he’s able to graze over your sensitive bundle of nerves again. The sensation eliminates the last piece of resistance and his next words make you tip over the edge.
“Good girl. Go on, I’ve got you.”
You realise now you wouldn’t have been able to hold on any second longer, your vision is blinded by the lights and sparkles erupting in front of your eyes whilst the sensation spreads through your body at lightning speed but stays as long as Minho needs to get to his climax as well.
The overstimulation makes you dizzy, you’re sure you’re about to faint but Minho is quick to pull out of you. By the look of both your liquids spilling out of you, running down your inner thighs just to make a mess on your blanket, he desires nothing more than pushing the juices into your cunt again.
But he refuses when he sees your exhausted frame. You’ve fallen onto your side and giggles still leave your lips as you try to come to your senses. Faster than you’re able to realise, Minho has taken care of you and tucked the both of you under the duvet.
Week 12, March 26th 27th
Motivation: 5/10
General mood: 4/10 7/10
☽
Vicky is lucky her birthday is at the end of May and she’s even luckier you’re offering your apartment for her birthday party, knowing she would do the same if her financial conditions were better.
To quickly check your hair and because of the fact you’ve had too many beers, you left for the bathroom some minutes ago. Also – no need to tell a lie here – being in a room with Macy is something you still have to work on.
Sure, you’re happy she’s happy with Chan and he’s happy with her, but you just don’t seem to get along with her that much. Everything seems forced, every conversation, every sentence, every interaction.
When you get back, all the others are sitting on the couch, chairs and floor, and a big conversation including all guests has started. Well, it probably started while you were away, as you sense they’re already in the middle of a discussion.
“What do you mean? It’s a good thing everyone can dress how they want. Sure, there’s still stuff that needs to improve but I’m glad to live in the present,” Lisa says, keeping eye contact with Chan’s girlfriend.
Chan interferes now too, slightly shifting around in his seat, “She’s right. Like– why would you care what anyone else is wearing? It’s their own decision.”
You sit down next to Minho on the floor and he offers some of his drink, but you decline. The topic they’re debating about is something you need to have all of your focus to participate.
“Nah, you know. It makes my stomach turn, seeing all these females walk around in these clothes that barely cover anything. No wonder men can’t keep their hands off of them.”
Females. What the actual fuck. You’re a woman yourself, Macy.
There’s no holding back anymore. You have to say something.
“Macy, listen to me. I’m attracted to women as well. I’ve never had the urge to do something like that just because a girl was dressed in a skirt. That’s like saying ‘oh better don’t own any money if you don’t want to get robbed.’”
Macy looks at you, a smirk decorating her face, before she speaks.
“So, how high is your body count?”
Your heart beat gains speed within half a second, it feels like it’s exploding out of your chest, numbing all other senses.
“W-Why are you asking?”
The words have trouble leaving your mouth.
“Oh, I’m just curious. You seem like the type of person to fuck around a lot. Like– look at that short dress, you’re practically begging all the boys in here to bend you over the next surface.”
You wish you were able to react in a somewhat similar way to that Sebastian dude’s comment some weeks ago, but you can’t. You’re simply not capable of it.
And you spot the difference here – he’s just made an ignorant, almost incel-bullshit comment but what Macy said cuts deep. It cuts deep into your heart, soul and your whole body, everywhere.
Sebastian’s comment was just the mirror of his ignorance, Macy’s words are personal, they are definitely directed at you in particular. Of course, you get that she views you as competition. But none of this is your fault. Especially not your body count or anything.
And the worst part is – you thought you would maybe get along with her. Also, to finally get over Chan. You sincerely wanted to be happy for the both of them.
But we’ll – she doesn’t seem so nice anymore.
Chan talks back to her but you don’t hear him speak. All unnecessary noises are shut off, so your whole body can concentrate on how to flee this situation.
Everything is happening so fast now, the room is spinning and you’re trying to grab onto something so you don’t fall quite literally.
But then you remember some little detail.
So, you pull at the hem of Minho’s shirt, big eyes stinging with tears staring into his own, searching for help.
“Soonie.”
Minho immediately senses what’s going on and wastes no time standing up from the floor with you. You don’t notice him giving a sign to your other friends, since you’re already on your way out, heading towards the corridor.
Felix and Lisa follow you, but the latter halts in her place before leaving. She turns around on her feet and chuckles to herself, before she enters the doorway.
“Macy, you know,” Lisa starts, her piercing gaze telling the other girl she’s already passed the stage of being on thin ice and has now fallen into a deep pond of dirt.
“If you put your stupid comment on the street and left it there, a truck would come pick it up the next morning because it’s all just garbage.”
You don’t catch Lisa’s words. It’s not that your friend is too far away, it’s simply your head spinning around and your brain buzzing like crazy that drowns out any other noise. At this point, you only sense the beat of your heart and the uncomfortable tingling, close to an itch, that’s creeping all over your skin.
Minho is still holding onto you, pulling you at your waist, as he guides you to your room. He sits you down on your bed, whilst Felix brings you a glass of water. The reassuring words echo through the room, but you don’t hear them.
It takes another few minutes for you to calm down but when Lisa arrives, she kneels in front of you at the edge of the bed and holds your face, staring deeply into your empty eyes.
“Forget what that bitch said, okay? We’re taking care of this, just trust us, okay?”
“I’ve ruined Vicky’s birthday,” you cry out now, tears streaming down your face like Niagara Falls.
“Y/N, stop, literally no one cares. Vicky doesn't even care about that. We all just want to make sure, you’re alright,” she caresses your cheek to swipe away some of the salty droplets.
The boys have taken both your hands in theirs but you’re just now realising. Neither of your friends leave their positions, making sure your breathing gets back at a normal pace.
“Okay,” you quietly whisper as you sense your pulse going down.
“Also,” Felix starts, “that bitch doesn’t know you, okay? She can’t judge you on any number. Nobody can, in fact. It honestly doesn’t matter.”
You turn your head around to look at him, before he pulls you into a hug, hand caressing the back of your head while he places a short but gentle kiss on your cheek.
“She doesn’t know your story, she doesn’t know your background. And even if nothing of this was connected to a response to your trauma, it still wouldn’t matter.”
You’ve told Lisa and Felix that Minho knows about what happened. It’s comfortable to be around people who always do the best in making you feel secure and safe.
The conversation subsides, at this point you’re all basically a big fluff ball of cuddling friends but it’s helping you.
“What do you need now? What has helped you on New Year’s Eve?” Lisa asks, as she gets up from the floor.
“You guys noticed?”
You’re sincerely surprised they remember you leaving the kitchen right after the clock struck midnight.
“Yes, we did but we don’t have to talk about it unless you want to,” Felix makes sure there’s no pressure behind any of their words.
“Okay,” you say again to indicate you’re comfortable but will most definitely speak about this some other time.
“So, what do you need for now?” Felix asks again, dearly wanting you to feel better.
You snap your head around again, until your eyes meet those of the boy sitting on your other side. He looks at you with hopeful eyes, contemplating if he should say something or if there’s anything he needs to say out loud for you.
“Minho.”
The boy in question has his gaze still fixated on your face as your eyes meet. His face softens and he places a strand of your hair behind your ear, pulling you into a warm hug.
“We’re gonna leave the two of you alone. Just tell us, if there’s something you need,” Felix insists before he walks out of your room with Lisa, leaving the door slightly agape.
“Please, just help me forget all of this.”
The words leave your lips faster than you would have realised and Minho is visibly surprised about your eagerness. He’d be lying if he said he expected you to make a move now.
But you just want to forget. You want to get your mind off of any of this and he knows exactly how to do it.
“You sure you want that? We don’t have to…”
Stop being so considerate, I’m doing fine.
His hands roaming all over your body, touching you in the right places until he makes you see stars, his name the only word you remember, is all you long for.
“I want to. Unless you don’t.”
The idea of Minho pounding into you mercilessly is all you crave right now. He’s helped you forget about your sorrows so many times before, it’s the only thing you want on your mind.
“I do. I always do.”
☽
Chan curses himself for not realising earlier. He curses himself for not perceiving all the red flags, hitting his head all the time like a bright neon sign.
But what causes that stinging pain to enlighten the most is the fact he’s betrayed you. Not in a way he’s had something going on with someone else – after all he’s seen the aftermath of you and Minho going to your bedroom on New Year’s Eve.
He betrayed you by bringing this specific woman to your apartment. Macy and Chan haven’t really talked about deep topics before and there’s never been a point in their relationship – if you can even title it like this – when he’s believed this could be something for the long run.
Still, this doesn’t excuse him letting this girl get near you when he at least had been suspicious about her view on certain issues.
Chan has never cared about Macy not being as open as you are in bed, he’s the last one to judge and would never cross anybody's boundaries. Up until now he was convinced she may be a bit shy when it comes to intimate interaction but the conversation you all had earlier changed his whole perspective about his now ex-girlfriend.
Yes, his ex.
The minute you left the kitchen with the others and especially entangled in Minho’s arms (another thing he curses himself for – that it wasn’t him to help you out of this situation), he was taking Macy aside to have a little talk in his bedroom, already knowing what this would lead to.
Maybe, this was just the last little push he’s needed, the icing on this cake made of bullshit that he calls the relationship with her now.
He should have seen it coming. But Chan was too desperate to finally have someone, even if it wasn’t you. He was happy to have someone on his side, even if it wasn’t you. Chan was relieved to be with someone, even if it wasn’t you.
Now he’s realising, the way she’s spoken should have ring the alarm but the boy was too busy hitting that snooze button for god knows how many times.
The way Macy has spoken about other women, sometimes not about you in particular, sometimes about you in particular. Of course, it’s not easy for a girlfriend to find out that her partner doesn’t only live with people of the opposite sex but that he's also had a past with one of the roommates.
But even if Chan was still in love with you (which he for sure isn’t, okay!) it would have never been your fault in the first place. You’re not the one to blame that Chan is– was having all these feelings for you.
And last but not least, there was never a reason for Macy to shame you like that. To talk about you like that. To make you feel so small in a place you should feel comfortable in.
Who would have ever thought Macy and Ben would make the perfect couple?
So, Chan decides to slowly count down from ten to zero, hoping to gain enough confidence to enter your room.
Ten
He gets second guesses if it’s the right timing for speaking to you but there’s no way out of this situation now, he’ll probably never get such a chance again.
Nine, Eight, Seven
Chan’s palms are sweaty, his knees weak and threatening to make him lose his balance – all just because of you.
Six, Five, Four
Most of the guests have left by now, the apartment is getting quieter by every second. He’s already looking forward to getting some rest before he needs to do this overdue assignment for his uni course tomorrow.
Three
Chan can still taste the cheap beer on his tongue he had hours later. He will definitely not buy this one again.
Two
The tapestry on the walls should be renewed soon. Perhaps, the next vacation weeks after the semester could be a good time for that.
One
The door closes with a loud clicking sound, indicating another guest has left, now probably lurching home.
Let’s Go.
Your bedroom door is slightly ajar, a sign you both have used before to show the other one it’s okay to enter.
So Chan carefully approaches your bedroom, until one of his feet stands on the doorstep, ready to enter.
But then he sees the last thing he’s ever needed to see.
His hands on your body.
Minho’s hands on your precious skin, towering over you, as you allow him to attach his lips on yours.
His stupid friend’s body all over his other friend he’s still secretly in love with, if he’s honest.
Stupid Minho’s body all over Y/N’s.
Channie’s Y/N.
He halts in place for a bit, trying to get air in his lungs again. He breathes in, as he slowly turns away. The last thing he’d want now is for you to notice he’s caught you with his friend.
Creek.
For a second Chan senses his demise is within reach.
You’ve definitely noticed.
You must have heard him.
But you haven’t.
And he realises he's not the source of the noise.
Instead, it’s Vicky standing right in front of him, a purple spot under her eye and a bloody abrasion decorating her nose.
“Oh god– Vicky, are you okay? What the hell happened?!”
He gets a bit closer, wanting to make sure his friend isn’t severely injured. Also, from this position he stands far away from your bedroom.
“Ugh– nothing bad. You know, I just don’t like when people treat my friends like shit. Especially not on my birthday. Then they’ll get a bittersweet taste of my revenge, that’s all.”
Chan gulps, slowly realising what’s going on.
“Wait until you see your girlfriend's face. Matches mine, kinda cute, isn’t it?”
She gets a bit closer to Chan now, grabbing him by his collar. His heart is beating out of his chest and he’s convinced Vicky notices it. If she doesn’t, his shocked face will betray him.
“Also, don’t you ever bring Macy to your apartment or anywhere close to Y/N again, alright?”
The blonde nods at her demand, sweating heavily.
“No need for that, Vicky, I’ve already broken up with her and told her to piss off.”
In the blink of an eye, Vicky’s whole demeanour switches and she’s back to being all friendly as she lets go of Chan’s shirt.
“Great. See you, then!”
She waves goodbye and he observes her in the distance, still trying to understand what has just happened.
Some minutes later, Chan goes to his room, knowing for sure he won’t be able to get any rest tonight.
After all, he’s booked a night at the heartbreak hotel again.
Guest’s Name: Bang Christopher Chan
Week 1, May 21st
Sleep: 2/10
General mood: 3/10
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