Spencer Reid Fan Fic - Tumblr Posts

Broken Mind, Broken Soul

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Warnings: heavy angst, abuse scars, post-prison!spencer, parent/domestic violence (implicit), pretending to be fine when you're not, smut (maybe considered CNC? i'm not sure but better but that on here)

Summary: Spencer is back from prison so he’s trying to pick up the pieces and get back into his old life. Something is off about you but he respects your boundaries until he sees what you’ve been hiding from him.

Square Filled: cold-blooded torture for @badthingshappenbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

Spencer is home. He’s home and everything is going to go back to the way it was. He’s not going to find you. He’s not going to hurt you anymore. You want to be happy that your boyfriend is out of prison after nearly three months of being locked up for a crime he didn’t do. He suffered in there and you couldn’t do anything about it. He’s home now, and everyone is so happy to see him.

You stare at your reflection in the mirror and try not to break down in tears. This day is for Spencer. He’s home. You can take a break from your personal shit to give him a proper welcome home. If you can do that, you might make it out of this alive. You shake your head and plaster a smile on your face, one that looks like you’re not dying inside.

You leave the bathroom in search of your boyfriend who is spending time outside away from everyone. Spencer must have gone through hell inside the four walls of the prison so it’s a bit overwhelming to be back to his normal life. Everyone must understand that because they’re inside having a good time and giving Spencer his space.

You push past everyone and walk over to Henry’s small playground. Spencer is swinging lightly on the swings and you stand by him, waiting for him to look at you. When he does, you can see how empty they are. God, Spencer, what happened to you? You hope your eyes aren’t as empty as his. You’re really trying hard to put on a brave face but you’re not sure how much longer you can do this.

“Hey,” you say softly.

“Hey, yourself.” You walk around the other swing and sway in sync with Spencer. “Tell me what you’ve been up to since I was gone?”

You were and are afraid of this question. You’ve been preparing yourself for this question since hearing he was coming back but you never knew how to answer it. One wrong word and he’ll know exactly what you’ve been up to.

“You know, working cases like normal. We helped a lot of people but it wasn’t the same without you. I just tried to get through the day every day.”

“Yeah, I get it,” he sighs.

He believes you. He has no reason not to. Spencer looks at you to see a faraway look in your eyes. Maybe it’s just him but something might not be right. The look is gone in a split second and you’re back to pretending. Maybe it’s just him.

“Look, I know Rosis wanted to throw you this party but want to go home?”

“Yeah, I do,” he nods.

You two say your goodbyes to everyone before heading home. The drive is silent like you two don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. Sure, it could be the fact that Spencer has been in prison this whole time but he suspects something else happened. You two didn’t talk much but he doesn’t know what could be bothering you.

It’s been nearly three months without you in his bed, and he can’t help himself when he sees you in his bed. It’s been three months since he’s touched you so he walks over to you and crawls up your body. You want to enjoy this. You want to be here for him but you’re stuck inside your own head. You don’t dare let him know what you’re thinking so maybe if you go along with it, you can slip further into the facade you’re putting up.

You two kiss but he’s so wound up that he doesn’t register that you’re not as into it as he is. You’re here for him, that’s all that matters. You’re okay with this even if your body is telling you no. He reaches for your shirt but you’re quick to grab his hands to stop him.

“Keep the shirt on.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just want my shirt to stay on.”

“Okay,” he nods respectfully.

He kisses you in all the right spots and touches you where he knows you like to be touched. He is doing absolutely everything right so why do you want to break down in tears right now? Get it together. Just give him what he wants. It might fix you. So, you listen to that part of your brain. He flips you so you’re on your stomach and fucks you from behind. You grip the sheets tightly and put your face in the bed so he doesn’t see the tears, so he doesn’t hear your cries.

You love Spencer and you’re trying hard not to let him see your true feelings. You don’t want to hurt him. It has nothing to do with him but you’re scared to let him see just how broken you are. Thankfully, he’s spent by the time he’s done so he doesn’t see the tears on your cheeks. You immediately roll over and put your head over his heart, and he runs his fingers through your hair. He moves his hands down to your back but you immediately spring away from him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just need to shower.” He goes to move. “Alone.”

He watches you disappear into the bathroom with a frown. Since the BAU is requesting that Spencer take some time off, he is forced to stay home while you go to work. Everything seems to be the same but this time, you’re gone before he can wake up, and you get home right before he goes to bed. You don’t change in front of him anymore which is the first red flag. He has seen every intimate part of your body, tasted every part of you, so why are you hiding from him now? He’s not going to be a dick and force you to do something you don’t want to do, but why now?

What happened to you while he was in prison?

“Hey, are we okay?” Spencer asks one night after you had just gotten home from work.

“Of course we are.”

“Okay, because if we aren’t, you’d tell me, right?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine, Spencer.”

You walk into the bathroom to take a bath, leaving him to pick up the pieces you didn’t know you dropped. I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. It’s the “be” part that is setting off alarm bells. If you had said, “I’m fine”, he would have passed it off and left you alone. The fact that you added the word “be” means you’re definitely not fine. The last time you said, “I’ll be fine” was when he had to pry you from your cold-hearted and evil father’s arms right before he went to prison for what he did to you.

Damn, he should have seen the signs before. You had shut everyone down. You didn’t want to be kissed or touched. You stayed in bed for seventy-two straight hours before Spencer had to force you out of it. Your father is and was an evil man who did untold cold-blooded torture to his own daughter. Your emotional scars don’t show but the physical ones do--whip marks, cigarette burns, and stab wounds. Anything to get his anger out.

Spencer walks to the bathroom carefully and knocks twice on the door. When you don’t answer, he pushes the door open to see you with your back turned toward him. There are newer and fresh scars on your back from the same kind of torture. Some are pinker than others. These ones are recent but how can this be? He hasn’t let you out of his sight since… Prison. He kneels next to the tub and looks at you but you’re not seeing him. You’re staring at the faucet as a single drop of water leaks from it.

“Who did this to you?” Spencer asks angrily. You don’t answer. “Was it your father?”

“He got out of prison when you went in. He found me at work and took me back to that farm,” you whisper. “I was just about to take two weeks off so no one questioned why I was gone. He kept me for three before he just let me go. I got back just days before you did.”

It takes Spencer five minutes to say something because of how angry he is, and he has all this pent-up anger that he’d love to get out.

“Is he breathing?” You can only nod in response. “Not for long, he won’t.”

Your head snaps up at his response but he’s already by the door.

“What are you going to do?”

“Something I should have done the first time around. That man will never touch a hair on your head ever again.”

Spencer leaves the bathroom door open so you can see what he’s doing. You get a flash of his FBI gun before he’s out of frame. You don’t stop him.

You’re in bed when he finally comes back. If you didn’t know where he was going, you’d think he went to the store. There is not a speck of blood on him or an ounce of regret on his face. You don’t ask where he’s been or if your father is alive even though you know he’d tell you if you did. Spencer climbs into bed and pulls you into him, and you rest your head on his chest.

I’m safe now. Spencer is home and everything is right with the world.

It’s going to take a long time until you’re okay again but with Spencer by your side, you know you can get there.

x

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Here To Help - Part 3

Spencer x reader

Summary:  A case hit home for one of the BAU team but none of the others know why or how to help

Part 1 ¦ Part 2

When the plane landed you were last off, minus Spencer, who was packing his shoulder bag. ‘Y/n?’ He stopped beside you and you took a deep breath looking up at him. ‘Yeah?’ He pursed his lips before he raised his hand laying it on your shoulder and squeezing. ‘Y/n’ He paused. ‘Tell me the truth, about this, about the whole case’ You smiled at him. Of course he wasn’t packing his bag for this long, the genius just wanted to talk to you. And somehow he had known you would be the last one off the plane.

It wasn’t surprising he had waited until you two were alone, or more so, made the opportunity for you two to be alone. ‘We haven’t got time for me to go through the whole case’ You smiled trying to make light of it. But when you were about to turn his hand slipped down your arm and gripped yours preventing you from picking up your files. He gave your arm a soft tug and you sighed.

You knew he wasn’t going to give up, and that was something you loved about Spencer. He never gave up, especially when it came to his friends. So he had orchestrated all this, to get you alone, because he knew you wouldn’t speak to him if the others were even in the same room. It was something he had learned from previous cases. If he would ask you on the plane he would be answered with silence, so he had started driving you home, or to the gym. And once you two were really alone, everything would come out. You never held back with Spencer.

Until now. ‘Half of it might stop me from worrying so much’ You sighed and turned to him. ‘I’ll tell you everything Spencer’ You reached up and laid your hand on his cheek causing him to lean into it slightly. ‘Sometime when all this is over. I promise’ He shook his head. ‘No’ He snapped. ‘How am I supposed to protect you when I don’t know what’s going on’ You blinked twice before opening your mouth ‘You do-’ His hand shot up and grabbed your wrist causing you to jump. ‘I’m your partner, your friend. Do not tell me I don’t have to protect you Y/n. Don’t’ You nodded quickly.

He closed his eyes and sighed. You felt bad, you did. You were causing this, all this worry. You and your secrets. ‘Spencer’ You thumb moved across his cheekbone. ‘You know I love you’ You whispered and he nodded slightly. ‘Good’ You tugged on his head and he bent slightly allowing you to press a firm kiss to his cheek. ‘Then tell me, please, what’s going on?’ You sighed as he opened his eyes.

His usually bright brown eyes were filled with sadness and worry. ‘I-I need to catch this guy. He was the reason I’m here. The reason I joined the BAU was to catch him’ Spencer nodded slightly. ‘Why?’ Spencer let go of your hand and wrapped it around the back of your neck holding you to him, so you couldn’t skip out on the answer, you’d have to look him in the eye and deny him the information he wanted. Something you could rarely do. You closed you eyes. ‘Because-he-he ki-’ You both jumped when someone cleared their throat behind you.

Your eyes shot open and your head turned looking towards the exit of the plane. Morgan stood with his eyebrows raised. Spencer instantly dropped his hands and stepped away from you causing your hands to drop to your sides. ‘Sorry to interrupt whatever’s going on, but Hotch is getting impatient out there’ You nodded as you seen Spencer’s cheeks flush. Morgan chuckled. ‘Chill out pretty boy, this isn’t the most compromising condition I’ve caught you both in’ You picked up the pen that was lying on the table and chucked it at him. He just laughed and left the plane.

The rest of the team was standing by the car as you and Spencer came down the steps off the plane. ‘We’ve been waiting’ JJ smirked. You almost rolled your eyes at the suggestion her eyes held. ‘We had to clear up some things’ Spencer told her as he reached out laying a hand on your back leading you towards the car. ‘Alright’ Hotch nodded uncrossing his arms as Emily sent you a sly glance. ‘JJ and Prentiss are going to interview the witness, Morgan and Reid go to the crime scene, myself and Y/l/n will go meet the sheriff’ Hotch ordered and the rest of the team nodded.

You cleared your throat. ‘Actually Hotch’ You gulped as he turned back to you and his eyes fell back on you. ‘Can I go to the hospital?’ You bit your lip as you seen his eyes narrowed slightly. JJ’s eyebrows almost shot up into her hair. The rest of the team could conceal their surprise. You hardly ever interviewed witnesses or talked to families, your specialty was in the field, at crime scenes, speaking to people wasn’t exactly your strong suit.

But Hotch nodded anyways. ‘I’ll go with her’ Spencer spoke up and Hotch raised an eyebrow at him before nodding. ‘Prentiss go with Morgan, JJ come with me’ The team nodded glancing at you as you turned and looked up at Spencer. ‘Spence-’ He shook his head walking towards the car. You sighed following him to the car.

You took a left and glanced at Spencer who was sitting beside you. ‘I know you want to say something’ You looked back at the road. You seen him shake his head at you out of the corner of your eye. ‘You didn’t have to come with me’ You muttered. ‘Emily would have been fine’ You told him stopping at some lights. Spencer just nodded. ‘You’re waiting for me to finish what I was saying before?’ He nodded again and you knew he was giving you his type of silent treatment.

You turned back to the road as the light turned green. ‘He killed people I really cared about Spencer. It was a hard time for me’ Spencer reached over and took one of your hands from the wheel before intertwining your fingers. ‘How did you know them?’ He asked. You shrugged taking another turn the hospital at the end of the road. ‘They were-they-’ You sighed and he squeezed your hand. ‘How well did you know them?’ Again you shrugged and pulled into the hospital. ‘They were-’ You put the SUV into park. ‘Really well, really really well’ You looked over at him and squeezed his hand. ‘Can we talk about this later?’ You asked nodding towards the hospital.

You looked into the room as Spencer spoke to the Doctor beside you. The poor kid was traumatized. You reached out and put your hand on Spencer’s arm and he looked down at you. ‘Would it be okay if I talked to him?’ You asked and the doctor nodded. You squeezed Spencer’s arm and raised an eyebrow at him. He nodded. ‘Just, please’ You looked back at the Doctor. ‘Don’t push him’ You nodded.

You knocked on the door and slipped inside. ‘Hi’ You smiled at the boy, the poor kid just gave you a quick glance before looking back down. He had dark bruises around his neck where he had been strangled. ‘I’m Agent Y/n Y/l/n’ You said softly walking towards the chair by the bed. ‘Jason’ He whispered. ‘Nice to meet you Jason’ You smiled sitting down looking at the fifteen year old on the bed. ‘I suppose you’re here to ask me some questions about what happened’ He grumbled and you nodded your head.

His hand went up to his neck fingering the discolored skin. ‘It’ll fade, the bruising I mean, everything else-’ You left it at that not knowing what to say. ‘Aren’t you here to tell me everything is going to be okay? That it’s all going to work out?’ He finally looked up at you tears in his eyes. ‘I guess, but it’s going to be a lot of work, and it’ll be hard, very hard kid’ He nodded leaning back against the pillows. ‘You’ve seen this a lot right?’ You nodded. ‘You ever catch the guys?’ You nodded again. ‘Will you shoot him?’ You took a deep breath

If you were honest you didn’t even know if you would or wouldn’t. When you were confronted with this man would you shoot. You didn’t know. ‘If his being alive threatens someone’s life, we have to’ You told him and he nodded fingering his neck again. ‘Kid, there is some things I need to ask you though’ He nodded. ‘Did he call you all by different names?’ He nodded. ‘And made your sisters call him Joshie’ He nodded again. ‘He told us why he was doing it, how his own family left him, he-he-’  You reached out and took his hand and hushed him.

Tears rolled from his eyes. ‘Okay, it’s okay, lets move away from that, okay. Have you ever seen him around before?’ He nodded. ‘He was at my baseball practice a few times and once at my sisters chess games’ You nodded your thumb running across his knuckles. ‘So, you didn’t know him personally, he had never been around before no? He never spoke to you ever? Not even to ask the time?’ He shook his head. ‘Did he ever pay any special attention to you or any of the other kids?’ Again he shook his head. ‘I felt his eyes on me a few times but that was it’ You nodded smiling slightly at him.

You took a deep breath. ‘I’m going to need you to close your eyes’ You whispered feeling sorry for the kid. He didn’t need to relive this, no one needed to relive anything like this. He shook his head. ‘Everytime I close my eyes I ju-I see-’ You hushed him again. ‘I know, but please just try, as much as you can. Any little pieces of information you can give me may just help us yeah?’ He gulped but nodded, barely noticeable.

You smiled reassuringly at him and he closed his eyes. ‘Okay, you came home from morning practice and what was there?’ He squeezed your hand. ‘Da-dad was in the kitchen, Jenny was in the living room watching a cartoon’ You nodded. ‘What cartoon?’ You asked and his eyebrows furrowed.

His hand squeezed yours. ‘I-I don-he-he’s-Mom’s-I’ You patted arm. ‘Jason, it’s okay. I got you, it’s okay’ His breathing began to speed up and you glanced at the machine beside him. ‘Jason, listen, focus, listen to me, please, just listen to my voice and try take deep calm breaths’ You tried to calm him

But to no avail. ’Jason, kid, open your eyes, okay, it’s okay- you stood reaching over to his bicep avoiding his neck. You knew from past experience that was a place to avoid. ‘Open your eyes’ You ordered and his eyes snapped open tears flowing down his cheeks his breaths coming in sharp bursts. You leaned over pulling him into a soft hug as he clung to your shit sobbing. ‘It’s okay. I got you. I got you kid’ You glanced up to see Spencer looking at you through the window. 

You shook your head slightly and he nodded turning taking out his phone. He was going to call Hotch, tell him the kid wasn’t ready yet, that he couldn’t do it, not yet anyway. ‘You’re okay, your safe. I got you’ You hushed him as you smoothed his hair trying to calm him.

It was almost twenty minutes before you had him calm enough for you to leave him alone again. You closed your eyes leaning against the wall letting out a long breath. ‘You okay?’ Spencer’s voice broke through the darkness and you nodded slightly. ‘Is your arm okay?’ He asked and your felt his fingers brush yours which were holding your right forearm. You nodded. ‘Cramp’ You muttered pulling your arm out of his reach opening your eyes. ‘He’s really tore up, we’ll have to come back if we need it’ Spencer nodded as you pushed yourself off the wall. ‘We should get back’ You told him and he smiled softly his eyes still on your arm.

The rest of the ride was silent neither of you talking as you drove to the station. You smiled at Detective Grenly as you walked into the station. ‘Agent Y/ln’ He smiled and held out his hand. ‘Detective, its good to see you again’ You reached out shaking his hand with a soft smile. ‘Would be nicer under different circumstances’ You nodded as you let go of his hand. ‘This is Dr Spencer Reid’ You introduced Spencer and he lifted his hand and waved slightly. ‘The rest of your team is through here’ He told you after greeting Spencer and lead you to the back of the station.

You rubbed your eyes as you sat in the back of the car. It had been a long day. You had been patrolling the streets, going through residents, talking to families that fit victimology and JJ had contacted the media. You had built a profile and given it out to the police. All in all it was a long, hard day and you were ready for bed

The whole team was. ‘Aren’t you too warm?’ Morgan asked from the front of the car looking back at you in the mirror. ‘Not really?’ You quirked an eyebrow. ‘Do you even own a short sleeved shirt?’ He chuckled. ‘No’ You shook your head and his eyebrows shot up. ‘I don’t own anything short sleeved, well maybe one or two t-shirts. But no’ You shook your head leaning back onto the leather seats. ‘Really?’ Emily turned looking back at you and you nodded. ‘Don’t you ever get too warm in long sleeves?’ You shrugged. ‘Sometimes but I prefer long to short sleeves’ You sat back up and smiled at them. ‘You’ve asked me this before guys’ She nodded her lips parting a little. 

The ride back to the hotel was long and quiet after that. And you fell to the bed after a long shower and putting on your pjs instantly happy to have to fluffy softness underneath you and not the hard seats of the car or the chairs at the station. You were almost asleep when there was a soft knock at your door. Pushing the covers off you you grabbed the robe from the chair pulling it on going to the door.

You opened it and were met by a washed and sleepy Spencer. ‘Spence? You okay?’ You asked and he nodded. ‘Aren’t you warm in that?’ He nodded to the robe you picked at the strings giving him you ‘get to the point’ look. ‘I just wanted to see if you were okay’ He muttered and you smiled slightly. You held up your arms and he smiled at you. ‘Thank you’ You muttered as he reached wrapping his arms around your shoulders and brought you to him. Your arms wound around his waist and buried your face in his chest.

He let out a breath and laid his cheek against your head. ‘Do you need some company?’ He muttered and you bit the inside of your cheek. If he stayed he would probably question you on the case more, but on the other hand if he did you would have him tonight, you’d get to fall asleep in Spencer’s arms. ‘Please’ You whispered the positives outweighing the negatives.

You grabbed a different top as Spencer climbed into the bed. ‘I’ll be back’ You muttered and walked to the bathroom to change. ‘Y/n’ Spencer’s voice called and you hurriedly pulled it down over your top and came from the bathroom. Spencer was holding out your phone as it buzzed. ‘It’s your Mother’ He told you and you took it from him answering it. ‘Hey Momma’ You whispered. 

you heard her grunt from the other end before silence. Then, ‘Hey sweetie, your brother told me you were working the case?’ You hummed in response and she sighed. ‘Don’t let it get too stressful, yeah?’ You hummed again and let out a yawn. ‘Oh, did I wake you?’ You smiled at the concern in her voice. ‘No, no’ You muttered. ‘You were just about to sleep right?’ You smiled, she knew you way too well, well she was your Mom so. ‘I’ll let you go if that’s the case’ She muttered. ‘No, no, it’s okay’ You hurried, you wanted to know how everything was at home, you hadn’t spoken to her or your Dad in a few days.

the call only lasted another minute and ended with your mother insisting that you needed sleep after hearing you stuffling another yawn. When you came back Spencer was almost asleep, barely able to keep his eyes open. You pulled back to covers and climbed into the bed. He opened his arms and you ducked under one laying your head on his chest.

This wasn’t unusual for you and Spencer, you had often fallen asleep together after staying at each others apartments too late, or on a case if it took a lot out of either of you, one of you would show up at the others room offering a hug and a cuddling partner. Spencer wrapped his arms around you and you hummed closing your eyes. ‘Goodnight Spencer, thanks’ He gave you a squeeze. ‘You’re welcome, anytime’ He whispered his voice sleep heavy and you snuggled into his chest thankful for the heat and company.

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