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I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Here’s another piece I’ve written during depressing times, and I hope you’ll like it as much as you like my fluffy and sometimes sexually awkward stories. 

Get ready to see guitar-playing Mark Lee again here, so here’s a photo of that for you. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

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Summary: Although I’m not her biggest fan, I never thought that Sulli’s death would leave an impact on me. This piece was inspired by her passing last year, and my favorite comfort song whenever someone precious to me dies. 

POV: 3rd person this time. 

Word count: 1,300 + words 

Warning: There are mentions of self-harm here since Essie hasn’t been cured of it yet. 

Recommended listening: The title of the piece should already be a giveaway, but as always, I’ll put it down below so you can listen to it repeatedly while you read this. 

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Essie couldn’t believe it. One of her close friends, Yuki, committed suicide. There wasn’t any alarm or warning. She didn’t notice that her friend was struggling. Yuki was always smiling, comforting her every time she ranted about her life. Although they didn’t always meet, their phone conversations made up for it.

Whenever she was left alone in the house, one of the people she would always call was her. Pretty, timid, and kind Yuki. She looked delicate on the outside, but it turns out she was even more on the inside.

Essie learned the news from Aoi, a common friend of theirs. The girl was crying over the phone, and it took a couple of tries for Essie to understand the situation.

“Yuki’s dead, Essie. She hanged herself.”

The phone slipped out of her hand first before her body came next, hitting the cold floor with a hard thud. They were of the same age.

As she picked up the phone again, Aoi had already dropped the line. She sighed in frustration and wept at the sofa.

Good thing she was alone – she screamed at the top of her lungs first before bursting into tears once more.

\\\

Essie was a horrible mess the day after. She didn’t talk to Johnny or Mark. She was staying at their apartment for now since hers was under repair.

At first, the two guys chalked it up to PMS. But when they found out from Nini what happened, Johnny was the first to bang on Essie’s door.

“Baby, please open up,” he pleaded, close to tears at how his best friend had suddenly shut him off.

Essie wasn’t responding. She was curled up in a ball on her bed, still in her pajamas. Her mind was clouded with all the bad thoughts she had been repressing.

When someone takes their own life, she always had the itch to do the same.

She had a new pair of scissors on her desk. She also had a sharp letter opener inside one of her drawers. There were many objects that she could draw blood from.

She tuned out the world to listen to her diabolical yet devastating thoughts until it bored her to sleep.

\\\

When she did get out of her room, she saw Mark on the couch with his guitar. Her mouth was itching to say something, but it never came.

She did her best to move silently so he wouldn’t bother her. She just wanted to be alone, but at the same time, she couldn’t be left alone.

Both guys didn’t know of her suicidal tendencies, and if they do, they would never leave her side.

As Essie rummaged through the fridge (it was a bit far from the couch so she didn’t mind if Mark could hear the clinking of glass against plastic), she heard him strum the introduction of one of her favorite songs.

Love of mine, someday you will die                    

But I'll be close behind and I'll follow you into the dark

He always surprised her with the songs he sang with his guitar as of late. She couldn’t help but get teary-eyed again as he sang the melancholic song.  

Yuki was one of the people she truly cherished. They were childhood friends, just like with Nini. Although the latter was her forever classmate, Yuki became her close friend when they always joined the same clubs. They joined the choir, the dance club, and even the bookworm one. They kept in touch even if they went to different high schools and colleges. Now that they were both working, they still called each other almost daily.

However, all of that is gone as she took her own life yesterday.

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied

And illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

She got a pitcher of water from the fridge and closed it gently, still wanting not to be heard by Mark. On the contrary, the younger guy knew she was out of her room. He had a keen sense of listening, and he was familiar with how her footsteps sounded.

To sympathize with her situation, he decided to play a song that he thought fit the situation. He found one in her playlist, and it took him an hour to learn it.

And the soles of your shoes

Are all worn down

The time for sleep is now

But it's nothing to cry about

'Cause we'll hold each other soon in the blackest of rooms

He heard her sniffle, but he had to finish the song. He closed his eyes to concentrate, hoping he did justice to one of Death Cab for Cutie’s masterpieces.

As he strummed the last chord, he waited in silence if she would go to him or not. He was shocked that she did, holding a glass of water.

“Thanks for playing that, Mark. That was beautiful,” she started, her voice hoarse from crying.

He patted the space beside him, and she sat. She put the glass on the table first before she got a pillow to cover her rumpled pajamas.

“I’ve heard about Yuki…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck out of nervousness. He didn’t want to make her cry with his words. “And I thought of singing this song because I’m also empathizing with you…” He looked at his guitar as he ended his statement, afraid of her reaction.

“Thank you again, Mark. That’s sweet of you,” he heard her say gently, and he also heard the rustling of fabric. He suddenly felt warm, and he saw that her hand was on top of his.

“M-May I?” He asked, looking at her hand and his. She nodded, and he clasped it in his clammy hand. She didn’t mind it at all – it was the thought that mattered.

They held each other’s hand for a moment, feeling each other’s warmth. Eventually, he had to place the guitar on the floor as they faced each other. He saw how depressed she looked – her eyes were puffy and red, and there were tear stains on her clothes.

He wanted to hug her right then and there, which took him a lot of courage to do. It took him a few minutes before he pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her. He cradled her to his chest, and she buried her face on his shoulder.

Their embrace comforted her, and he even gently rocked their bodies together. “I’m here, Essie noona…I’ll always be here for you,” Mark said softly, one of his hands combing through her curly locks.

The older girl continued to cry, her face still on his shoulder. Her arms were loosely wrapped around his neck, which he had to adjust from time to time as he could feel them getting limp.

This was the closest they have ever been, and deep inside, he wished this moment would never end.

Alas, all good things come to an end – Johnny texted him that tomorrow morning was Yuki’s funeral. He texted Mark because it was futile to talk to his best friend, even though the information he was sharing was for her.

If only his hyung knew that he and Essie were having a moment right now…

As he told her of this information, the girl could only nod her head and broke off from his hold. She trudged towards her bedroom, and he helped her, one arm looped around her shoulder.

Once she was settled on her bed, he tucked her in and planted a kiss on her temple. “We’ll go there with you if you want,” he said as one of his hands found its way into her hair again. He loved combing through her hair and seeing how satisfied she is whenever he took out some difficult knots.

“Yes, please. I need you two,” she murmured. Mark continued to play with her hair until she fell asleep.

“Sweet dreams, my dear Essie noona,” he whispered before closing the door to her room.

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FIN