That Butch Sounds So Much Like Me In High School (and To Some Extent Now) It's Unreal - Tumblr Posts

feeling nostalgic bc i just remembered my very first crush on a butch and it was the most closeted teen longing shit imaginable because they weren’t even presenting butch at the time and i thought i was straight. i could not explain why i felt so drawn to them. they were just the quiet kid sitting next to me in english class who hunched their shoulders and tried to get away with the most nondescript and baggy girl clothes they could. they were desperately shy. there was something so sweetly boyish in the way they moved, they way they sat in their chair. they had weird music taste and a soft laugh. me and my other friend in that class instantly scooped them up and included them in our elaborate inside jokes and made a nickname for them and they would stare at their desk and blush and smile when we gently teased them. i had the most specific thoughts about their thick dark hair and their even darker eyes and the way the corners of their lips moved. i made them a cd mix that i never gave to them because i was too nervous. i didn’t know why. i burned cd mixes for my friends all the time but i knew this one meant something different so i kept it instead and my stomach felt funny when i listened to it.

and it wasn’t until like six years later that i found them on instagram and they had shortened their name and were posting about their woodworking and wearing masculine clothing and their smile was so much bigger than i ever got to see when we were 15. and isn’t it amazing how we find each other even in the pitch dark of the closet in a homophobic surburban high school without having any words without knowing anything just two weird kids at the back of the classroom making silly jokes and talking about studio ghibli and blushing at each other