The Chosen Matthew X Reader - Tumblr Posts

Matthew | Speak Love | Romantic

Matthew learns about the languages of love and wonders if physical touch is something he could ever get used to when it involves you.

Requested by Emmy

Matthew is staring — gaze fixed upon a couple sitting on a flight of stairs in the busy streets of Jerusalem - his heart racing inside his chest as he notices how close they are sitting. Something nervous swirls inside his gut as their legs brush together, a blush forming over his cheeks, as if he knows he isn’t allowed to watch. It’s rude to stare, he knows, blinking rapidly as he tears his eyes away from the married man and woman sitting almost intimately like that in public. Why he was having such a strong reaction to this seemingly unimportant and harmless display was something he couldn’t quite wrap his head around. 

Philip walks up next to him, sliding a jug of milk into the basket around Matthew’s arm, nearly concluding their little shopping trip to the market safe from having to stop to get bread on the way back. A knowing hum leaves Philip’s throat as he notices something is bothering him, lowering his voice as he leans towards Matthew as to not startle him.

“What’s on your mind?” 

In spite of Matthew not staring at the couple anymore, he still jolts, feeling as if he’s being caught red-handed. Philip frowns a bit at the disproportionate reaction. 

“Are you okay?” he asks worriedly.

“Yeah— Yeah, I’m fine, I just…” Matthew clears his throat, fiddling with his handkerchief as he adjusts the strap of the bag around his shoulder, “I was just thinking, is all.”

“What are you thinking about, then?” 

The former tax-collector is almost too embarrassed to admit it, but he knows Philip well enough to realise that he won’t allow him to brush it off when his brow is furrowed like that. Matthew takes a moment to gather himself before nodding towards the couple sitting together. 

“Them.” 

Philip follows the gesture, letting his eyes fix upon that same pair, who are chatting and feeding one another grapes. He is almost inclined to immediately look away, feeling he’s imposing on a private moment even though it is happening in public, before realisation dawns on him.

“Oh… Right.” 

Matthew is a bit confused at that. “What do you mean?” 

“Okay, why don’t you tell me, Matthew… What is your question?” 

“If uh… If two people are together… Are they like… Supposed to be close like that?” 

Philip thinks for a moment, pursing his lips. “Ah… It’s natural for most people who love one another to have the urge to be close to their partner. It causes a happy, content feeling.” 

Matthew tilts his head a bit as he weighs Philip’s words. 

“As for your question whether if it has to be that way, I’d say no. Everyone has a different way of telling their spouse that they love them. Love and appreciation can be displayed through kind words, acts of service, and many more other ways. There is no right and wrong when it comes to this.” 

Matthew ponders the words for a bit. “I… I’ve been wondering what it would feel like to hug… Hug someone. Someone I care about a lot.” 

“I see.” 

“But I don’t know if I’d… If I’d like it all that much. Usually I don’t like being touched. I don’t even know if she’d—” Matthew’s voice trails off as it dawns on him that he’s revealed more than he’d wanted to, but Philip gives him a knowing chuckle.

“I’m sure that (Y/n) would be open to help you out with that. All you need to do is ask her. After all, she’s a very patient woman, especially when it comes to you. If she cares for you as much as I can see, there is nothing for you to be nervous about. There is nothing wrong with taking it slow and trying what works for you.” 

The two of them round a corner as they walk back towards camp slowly, taking their time to continue with their conversation.

“Do you really think so? I… I don’t even know if (Y/n) likes me in that way, you know? I-I mean… She’s extraordinarily beautiful— Before she came along, I thought Mary was the prettiest and that a more beautiful woman would never exist, but then… Then she just… You know… Changed everything? Is that the right way to say it?” 

Philip chuckles at that, nodding at his friend. 

“The message you are trying to convey is pretty clear, Matthew.” 

A brief silence hangs between them before Philip speaks again. “But trust me, you’ve got nothing to be concerned about. I’m not an expert when it comes to reading women, but (Y/n) is pretty obvious when it comes to expressing how she feels about you. I mean, she constantly defends you whenever Simon or the Thunder Brothers pick on you, or looks out for you whenever you seem to struggle in certain situations. It’s crystal clear that she is very fond of you. And… I’ve seen the way she looks at you when she thinks nobody is watching her. I’m pretty confident in my findings.” 

Matthew cannot fight the slight blush creeping over his cheeks. Whereas some of the other Disciples liked to pull his leg from time to time, he knew that Philip wouldn’t mess with him in that way, under no circumstance. A sudden wave of confidence circles around his chest. Matthew tightens his grip on the basket in his hand.

“I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything, just know I’m speaking the truth. Only do things you are comfortable with, and (Y/n) as well of course, and explain to her what you would like to try out.” 

“What if I don’t like it?” 

“I’m sure she will understand if you don’t like it. There are plenty of other ways to show your appreciation. Just make sure to be honest in it all. And if it’s not your thing, that’s totally fine. But as long as you don’t try, you can’t know for sure, hm?” 

Philip puts a hand on Matthew’s shoulder, who doesn’t flinch. Not anymore when it comes to his friend beside him. He gives a gentle squeeze before releasing him again.

“So, we need to get some more bread before heading back to camp. Did you take note of what Jesus asked for?” 

“Ah, yes. Three rye loafs, seven flat breads, twelve buns.” 

With their shopping list in mind, the two head over to the next stall.

_ 

Matthew’s thoughts won’t leave him alone as he watches you do the dishes at the other side of the fire, the bowls and cups sloshing around and colliding in the water as you work, pulling utensil after utensil out of the warm liquid, clean and ready to be dried and used again. Matthew collects himself and grabs the cutlery you’ve washed to wipe them on the rag in his hands, looking at your face every so often in an attempt to ground himself. The fact that the fire makes you look even more beautiful than you are doesn’t make it any easier for him. 

“What are you thinking about?” you ask him, sensing that something is up. 

“Nothing.” he quickly tells you. “Just a bit tired from today. I’ve been talking to Philip and he’s always good at giving me food for thought.” 

“Oh yeah?” you muse, “What was the topic today? Another Psalm to ponder about?” 

“Not really.” 

“Then what?” 

“About um… About ways of expressing our love and gratitude for people. How it is different for everyone and that this also counts for personal relationships.” 

You hum, pursing your lips in thought. “Oh, that’s interesting. Like… Saying kind words to people?” 

“Yes… And… Helping out with something they’re struggling with. Or just doing a chore for them, too. Acts of service.” 

Slowly nodding, you put another bowl down right as Matthew reaches out for another, his fingers brushing against yours by accident. He feels a jolt go through him, but not necessarily a bad kind of sensation. He quickly withdraws his hand, his heart racing inside his chest. You give him a small smile, oblivious to the way that just made him feel.

“What other ways are there?”

“There’s, uh… Spending time together. Doing things with one another, no matter what. Maybe going for a walk, or— Or going fishing, or going to market.” 

“Quality time.” you muse, smiling softly. “Does doing the dishes together count?” 

Matthew is taken aback by that question, especially since it’s accompanied by a sweet smile that makes his heart drum even harder, and after a moment of figuring out his thoughts he swallows hard and nods.

“I—I suppose so. There’s uh… There’s also giving gifts.” 

“Presents are always fun to get. But a dangerous one, too, in case a person has bad intentions. In that case, they could shower the person with gifts in order to win their favour.” 

The former tax-collector gulps. “Ah… Yeah, I hadn’t thought of it that way.” 

“But if it is given with a good heart, I think it’s a nice way to tell someone you care about them. Have you ever received any gifts?” 

Matthew clears his throat, blinking rapidly as he tries to think of an answer. After all, it isn’t necessarily where he wants to steer the conversation towards.

“I… Sure, a few times. And you?” 

“I have.” 

Something almost disappointed swells inside his chest.

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, from either friends or family.” you clarify, rinsing another plate.

The disappointment quickly makes place for relief as Matthew exhales, smiling a little. 

“There’s one more way to show someone you care about them.” 

You give Matthew a curious look as he blurts it out. 

“Yes?” you muse.

“There’s uh… Giving hugs— I mean, physical touch. I… Some people like to do that and others don’t.” 

A patient smile spreads over your face. “I see. And I understand that physical touch is not really your thing, which I can get behind. It’s not part of everyone’s comfort zone to be touched by others. There is nothing wrong about that.” 

“No! I—I mean… I…” Matthew pushes his handkerchief into his palm with his thumb, squeezing it a little. “What I am trying to say is that… It… Might not be my usual way of expressing that I like someone, but… I… I would like to at least try it out, you know?” 

Tilting your head a bit in puzzlement, you watch him nervously fidget with the piece of fabric in his hand. Matthew swallows hard as he realises you need some more elaboration. He takes a deep breath. “Would you… Would you be open to the idea of hugging me to see if… If with you, it’s different? Since you and I are going to… You know, since I want to ask your father whether I could… Have your hand…” 

A soft smile spreads over your face as he explains himself, an understanding expression coming over your features. “Oh, Matthew. Of course. It’s good that you’re asking me such a thing and being so open about it.” 

He relaxes his tense shoulders a bit as he hears your positive answer, lacking judgement.

“Would you like to try it now?” Matthew queries, afraid he’ll refrain from it altogether if he allows reluctance time to grow, and you give him a look.

“Sure, but… Don’t we need a chaperone for that? After all, it’s not very… Common to embrace your betrothed without the company of a chaperone.” 

“I… We are not yet betrothed…” There is innocence in Matthew’s words, causing you to smile a little, “But yes, I know we’ll need a chaperone to make sure nothing inappropriate will happen.”

Tapping your chin, you let your gaze go over the camp. “Someone… Like Philip?” 

Matthew nods. “Yeah, that would be good. He wouldn’t judge us, or make fun of us for it.” 

Humming, you smile. “It’s settled, then. Let’s find Philip and give it a go.” 

Standing up, the two of you head over to the friend in question. You clear your throat to get his attention, and you don’t even have to ask him the question to let him know what is going on.

“Phil—” 

“Sure, let’s see it. Pretend I’m not here.” 

Matthew rubs his neck, fiddling with his handkerchief for a second. He seems to be deliberating something inside his mind, thinking deeply as he looks at the small rag inside his palm.

Then, he does a step in your direction — looks around to see if anyone is watching other than your mutual friend — and feels himself exhale when he realises you are alone. For some reason, he feels nervous even though he’s stood in front of you countless times before. You can’t say you don’t feel the same way. 

“So… Just tell me if it’s too much. No means no and that is okay, too.” 

Matthew nods and you open your arms a bit, waiting for him to make the first move. He gingerly steps forward, loops his arms around your waist as you rest yours on his shoulders, testing the waters.

He gazes at you, his dark eyes filling with something tender. You smile and he replies with the same expression, biting his lip as he drinks in the sight of you. Stepping forward, he dares to take you in his arms, and yours instinctively slide around his neck to hug him.

Matthew stiffens at first, wondering what he is supposed to feel. Then, he feels the tension leaving his shoulders, his arms, his entire form. He dares to close his eyes as he smells your subtle scent, your hair, your soap. Before he knows it, the former tax-collector tightens the embrace. 

Then, without him even comprehending what is going on, the handkerchief falls from his grip. His fingers must be so relaxed against your back that it slides out and falls to the dirt below. Philip looks at it and smiles at the gentle scene unfolding. 

Your hearts beat as one as you stand this closely together and you smile so hard that your head starts to spin. Even after months on the road, Matthew’s robes still give off their expensive scent, but something entirely him manages to come through. You drown into it, sinking further into the embrace, your head buried into the crook of his neck.

Philip clears his throat to remind you that he is still there, and part of you feels disappointed that he interrupted, even though you agree that neither of you can afford to get carried away in the moment. Your heart hammers against your chest as your mind feels fuzzy with giddiness. Matthew smiles down at you, beaming with joy. 

“That was wonderful.” he whispers. “Thank you for that. For allowing… Me to embrace you. That means a lot.” 

“Of course,” you murmur, “Don’t mention it. The pleasure is all mine. I wouldn’t mind trying that again some time.” 

Philip raises an eyebrow at you upon your comment, causing you to chuckle. Matthew slides his arm away from your waist and drops it back to his side, immediately making you miss his warmth.

“Something else should happen for that, first.” Philip reminds you, giving you a knowing smile. “But neither of you should be worrying about that, really. After all, I know that we might be stopping by in your hometown soon, (Y/n).” 

You hum, smiling softly at Matthew, before letting your gaze avert a bit. When your eye falls onto the handkerchief, your grin falls into something more serious, yet soft enough to be gentle. Matthew follows where you are looking and realises he must have let it fall to the soil below. The white linen is already collecting dust. 

Philip steps away, leaving the two of you alone. In silence, you stand there, watching the handkerchief before looking at one another. Weighing the options. Wondering what Matthew will do.

He doesn’t pick it back up again.