THE EDGE - Tumblr Posts

The Edge

The Edge is a rundown dive bar in the Old Quarter of San Padua. Its flickering neon sign out front declares its name in red glowing letters, and it's definitely seen better days. Tim "Buck" Buchanan, a grizzled 56-year-old man, has owned the place for the past twenty-five years and runs it with a steady mix of apathy and minimal effort.

Inside, the atmosphere is dim and musty. The air is thick with the smell of stale beer and cigarette smoke that seems to have soaked into every surface. The bar is long and scarred, its surface bearing the marks of countless drinks, brawls, and late-night confessions. Mismatched bar stools line the counter, some wobbling precariously on uneven legs.

The floor is sticky in places, a testament to Buck's lax cleaning standards. Old posters and faded photographs line the walls, their edges curling with age and humidity. A few ancient ceiling fans spin lazily overhead, doing little to circulate the stagnant air.

In one corner, a jukebox that's probably older than most of the patrons is stocked with an eclectic mix of classic rock and country tunes. Near the back, you might find a pool table with worn felt and a set of cues that have seen better days.

The clientele is a mix of regulars who've been coming for years and the occasional newcomer drawn in by the promise of cheap drinks and anonymity. It's the kind of place where people come to forget their troubles or to hide from the world outside.

Despite its rough appearance, The Edge has a certain charm for those who appreciate a no-frills drinking establishment. It's a place where the beer is cold, the music is loud enough to drown out your thoughts, and the bartenders don't ask too many questions.

Are you ready, angel? | CH13

𝐔𝐩'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐈 𝐬𝐞𝐞

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: It all begins when Somi declares that she's on a sex ban for three months. You remind her of this when your life is turned upside down. And when everything finds its place again, you reconnect with him in a way you never would have expected.

You're new to this avenue of pleasure, Hyunjin isn't. Who can be better to guide you through this journey of self-discovery? And maybe Hyunjin has a few things to learn about himself.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Hyunjin x Reader (female)

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 9.1K

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: co-parenting, parent-child relationship, some angst, mostly fluff

𝐀/𝐍: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know this update took longer than usual and I could give you lots of excuses but the truth is I lost motivation for it. Which led me to reading the entire fucking thing and I'm just like @ me WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS FIC SO LONG AND WHY ARE YOU STILL PLANNING ON HAVING SO MUCH MORE STORY IN THIS STORY?!?! Anyway, with this chapter I'm over 100k words which is both cool and weird 😶 I have the rest of the story very outlined and there's still a lot I want to do with it. Even though I know I will leave it after few chapters to prepare for my exam, I want most of it out. This chapter is Hyunjin light but I think I make up for it with Y/n's internal monologue haha and the last part. Enjoy!!

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @justoutfromdead @amelialistree @aerastus @purehyunida @danyxthirstae01 @moasworld @c-atitos @hyunee1 @bangtanskz @jisungsleftcheek @uwusforateez @keehoslove @hyynee @a-person-with-void @castielsfrillywhiteknickers @mtkdukart @ninjaleeknow @hiraemy @minaamhh @sermed @97lovestay @kpophoe22 @lyralurexrattle @arraby2 @internetmemeofficial @byunhoebaek @baekxhwa @dancingstan @hyunjinspark @vitrealislux @lotus-dly @yumi-xox @chiefbananaearthquake @koovvie @dazikie

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The following weeks return your life to the semblance of normal that you have found since Hyunjin’s return.

It’s the morning of another warm Sunday in the middle of August that has you following a very determined Hyunah climbing up the familiar steps to Hyunjin’s front porch. You have already grown used to witnessing this excitement, Hyunah always eager to visit Hyunjin at his own place, and it never fails to make you smile. The week apart did nothing to put a dent in their growing relationship.

He opens the door to Hyunah’s knock, smile bright as he crouches down and lets Hyunah launch full force into his arms. It’s another half minute of the expected kisses, tickles and giggles, until Hyunjin finally swings her onto his hip.

“Good morning, cheeky monkey,” he says, pressing his lips once more to her forehead, before finally directing his gaze to  you. “And Y/n.”

“Hey, Hyunjin.”

“Hey, Hyunje,” Hyunah parrots, wiggling in his arms until he puts her back down with a fond smile.

You both watch as she runs down the hallway on her little, chubby legs, likely to go raid the toys in his living room. “Does she ever stop?” He asks, stepping aside to let you in.

“Almost never,” you admit with a wry smile. Hyunah’s settled comfortably where expected, the scattering of toys already around her indicative of her particular talents in making messes incredibly quickly. Hyunjin comes to stand by you, his presence warm at your back, and you decide to just be straight with your intentions, as you agreed with each other you would be: “So, I was thinking of leaving Hyunah here for a few hours.”

“Really?”

Surprise is clear in that one word, and your chest fills with warmth. After everything that happened, it’s nice to be the reason for a happy surprise.

“Yes,” you say, turning to talk to him properly. “I asked Hyunah this morning if she’d be comfortable, and I’m sure from her excitement greeting you that you know her answer to that. So, if you’re happy to, and comfortable with it, I think it’s a good idea. I know what I said…” Clearing your throat, you ignore the way Hyunjin’s gaze softens at your words, “...that day, but I’m ready, if you are.”

”I am, Y/n. And you don’t have to convince me. I’d love to look after her today.”

“I’m glad. I didn’t want to put the pressure on, but I’ve got a whole lot of lesson planning that I need to keep working on.”

Hyunjin smiles, wry. “Yeah, I can imagine. How’re you feeling, going back?”

“Mostly good. It’s hard to believe summer break is almost over. It really flew by with…well, you know. Everything is going on.”

“It has for me, too.” His gaze shifts over your shoulder, his smile softening as he looks at Hyunah. “It’s hard to believe I haven’t even known her for two months yet. With how much I love her, it feels like I’ve known her since she was born.”

“Hyunjin…”

He clears his throat, looking suddenly embarrassed. “How about I take her the whole day? It’ll give you some proper time to get things done. I don’t have her room completely set up yet, but she can sleep in mine for her nap. And I’ve got the car seat now, too, if we need to go out anywhere. When you swing by to pick her up, you can even stay for dinner.”

“If you’re sure, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

Looking at you properly now, the embarrassment falls away with his smile, this one kind. “Y/n, it’s not an imposition to look after my daughter.”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Hyunjin.” Your hand finds his, and you give it a quick squeeze, before you turn and make your way to Hyunah, still playing on the lounge floor. “Hey, button,” you say, crouching down beside her. “Remember this morning I asked if you wanted to spend your day with Hyunjin?”

“Yep,” Hyunah chirps happily, running a toy car up your leg. “I like Hyunje.”

“That’s good, so do I. Well, Mummy’s going to go so you two can have some fun together, and I’ll see you for dinner, okay?”

Barely taking her eyes off her toys, her response is easy: “Okay!”

“Great. Can I give you a cuddle goodbye?” Hyunah nods and leans in for you to give her a quick hug, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Thanks, button. Remember to be good for Hyunjin. I love you.”

“Love you, love you, love you,” Hyunah sings, pulling back to focus her attention back on what’s important: the toy cars.

You laugh and stand, hand over Hyunah’s bag to Hyunjin, with all its usual supplies. “I try to put her down around one, to keep with the daycare’s schedule, and let her sleep about an hour and a half. Too much longer, she usually wakes up cranky, so even if she’s sleeping all nice and peaceful, I promise it’s in your best interest to wake her up.”

Chuckling, Hyunjin nods. “Good tip, I’ll make sure to interrupt my baby's peaceful rest.”

You roll your eyes, but can’t help the smile that threatens. “And don’t give into her every request for sweets.

“Learnt my lesson the hard way, angel. I know better now. We’ll be fine, but I’ll text you updates for proof of life.”

“Alright, alright, I’m leaving!” You make for the front door, and Hyunjin follows closely behind. “I hope you have a nice day.”

“You too. Make sure you do something nice for yourself, too.”

“All work and no play makes you a dull boy?”

Hyunjin’s laugh is warm and fond. “Exactly. I’ll see you tonight, angel.”

His offer really is a handy one. You get close to seven hours of uninterrupted work done, which would be all but impossible when looking after Hyunah for the day. There are less than two weeks until the first day of hospital and posting, and you have still got more lesson planning to get through, but the day allows you to get a good enough dent into it that around four thirty, you decide that Hyunjin’s right.

You should do something nice for yourself, too.

Drawing a bath with the nice bath salts you rarely have a chance to indulge in, you pour yourself a glass of wine and load an episode of Friends.

It’s easy to relax after a full day of work, and easier than you thought it would be not to worry about Hyunjin and Hyunah. He’s sent through a couple of texts, as promised, and one photo of a fast asleep Hyunah with a corresponding 'Time’s up on this sleeping monkey, I’ve been told she gets cranky if she sleeps too long' that made you laugh.

It feels like it should be harder, but since your conversation two weeks ago, a sense of calming trust has settled over you. While you’d truly believed you and Hyunjin were working through everything well previously, after the blow up, you have since realised it was mostly on a more surface level. And while that worked well — allowing Hyunah to meet Hyunjin in a relaxed setting — this next step steadies the foundation already building between you all.

You are already organising Hyunjin’s paternity to be declared legally, and Hyunah’s birth certificate to be reissued with his name. You are on the same page about next steps, over the coming weeks and months, and while this particular one — leaving Hyunah alone with Hyunjin — doesn’t seem huge in the larger scheme of things, it’s something you feel a lot more comfortable with now that you are confident in Hyunjin’s commitment.

You're just grateful he’s been willing to go at your pace.

By the time you're driving back over to his place around six, you're feeling very pleased with the day. It was both productive and rewarding, and from Hyunah’s happy smile when she greets you at the door, your little girl’s day seems like it was just as good.

She tells you all about it at the dining table, where Hyunjin insists on serving them up, pulling so much attention that you barely get a word in to Hyunjin until dinner’s finished and Hyunah’s occupying herself in the lounge. She looks sleepy after a full day of excitement, but you're holding your ground with Hyunjin, in helping him clean up.

“So, I couldn’t really get a gauge from Hyunah, but it went well?” You tease, placing one of the last items in the dish rack.

Hyunjin laughs, rolling his eyes playfully. “Yes, it went well. She was good. Really good. It was — I’m glad we were able to do this today.”

“Me too.”

“I was thinking it’d be a good idea to continue doing it. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out as a family, but it’d be good if she got used to being with, well…just me.”

“I agree,” you say, relieved that the words are easy. It’ll be a big change, and you’ll need to get used to sharing your daughter’s time, but Hyunjin deserves to develop the relationship you have with Hyunah. “We’ll see how we go with everything, yeah? Eventually build up to overnight stays.”

“That’s the plan.”

“As long as we’re both on the same one.”

Hyunjin chuckles, offering a warm smile, and you finish up the dishes in a comfortable silence. When you’re done, you quickly gather up the few toys Hyunah brought over, while Hyunjin collects a sleepy Hyunah in his arms.

“Here,” he says, nodding towards the front of the house. “I’ll walk you guys out.”

“Thanks.”

It’s a routine you're already familiar with, Hyunjin strapping Hyunah into her car seat, pressing a kiss to her forehead, before pulling you into a hug.

“We still on for tomorrow night?” He asks into your hair.

“We sure are. I’ll wrap up with work around three, and pick up Hyunah for daycare. So you’re good to come by from four or so.”

“Sounds good.” Another squeeze, and he lets you go, though without stepping back too far. His entire face is soft and warm. “Thank you for today. Really.”

“You’re welcome, Hyun. I’m glad we did this.” His expression turns a little funny, and you frown. “What?”

“Nothing, you’ve just never…” Shaking his head, Hyunjin clears his throat. “Never mind. I’ll see you both tomorrow, okay? Drive safe, angel.”

A long beat passes, as you simply look at him, but whatever he was going to say, you can’t guess, and it doesn’t look like Hyunjin’s going to share. So you simply nod, and give him a last smile.

“See you tomorrow, Hyunjin.”

* * *

Y/n: So

Y/n: I thinks someone’s flirting with me

Somi: Omg details

Y/n: Do you ever actually work?

Somi: 1) Pot. Kettle.

Somi: 2) Almost never. Spill.

Y/n: This guy has come in like five times over the past two weeks. Like nobody needs that many art supplies do they?

Somi: Probably not, but he might just be really bad at planning ahead. What’s happening?

Y/n: he just came in again and smiled at me

Somi: Scandalous

Y/n: Shut up. Like THAT smile. Coy

Y/n: You know that smile?

Y/n: And I was like oooohhhhhh. Bc it’s been so long and I can’t recognise people flirting with me.

Y/n: And I think he has been.

Y/n: And I’m just bad at picking up signals

Somi: I’ve noticed over the past months. Are you flirting back?

Y/n: wtf do you mean?

Y/n: idk. Maybe? Now that I think about it the flirting was probably reciprocated.

Somi: And are you flirting back because you’re at work and feel like you have to? Or are you into it?

Y/n: I think I’m kinda into it. He’s cute.

Somi: Omg go for it

Somi: I’ve missed getting you ready for dates

Somi: It’s been so long

Y/n: How do you date?

Y/n: Okay I think I’m getting ahead of myself I don’t even know his name

Y/n: Omg he’s coming over

Y/n: Bye

Y/n: How do you flirt?

Somi: You’ll figure it out.

“Me again.”

You look up at the man with what you are hoping is a smile that doesn’t hold 'I’m just texting my best friend about you' guilt. Having shed your naivety, cute probably isn’t the right descriptor, you realise; with a narrow face and high cheekbones, dark brown hair, long and in a low ponytail, hot might be more appropriate.

He places some tubes of paint and a glue gun on the counter for you to scan in. After two weeks, you're honestly quite confused about the project he’s working on.

“Hi,” you say, hoping your voice doesn’t sound quite as nervous as you feel. Now that you know what’s going on, of course you're going to be awkward about it. Three years out of the game has unsurprisingly left you with none.

You scan the items through and tell the man his total, flashing a shy smile when you fumble while exchanging some coins. It feels like such a cliche, honestly.

“Thanks,” the man says, placing the things in his bag. “I’m Yuta, by the way.”

“Y/n.”

“I know,” he smiles, amused. It’s a very pretty smile. “You’ve got a name tag on.”

“Right,” you laugh, hand absently going to the small badge. When the man — Yuta — lingers, you decide you may as well put in some effort. “So, um, I have to ask. What’s with the array of art supplies you’ve bought over the past couple of weeks? I haven’t been able to decide how they could all work together in a project.”

“You mean you don’t normally make things with feathers, clay and water colours?”

“I must be missing out.”

“Oh, you definitely are.” His smile sharpens. Yes, definitely flirting. “I’m actually an artisan, I make sample craft pieces for fests and summer's ending."

“And that means end-of-season fests.” You nod in understanding. “Arts and crafts abound.”

“Exactly. I would complain about having to make the journey here as much as I do, but then I’m paid too much to think of other alternatives, at least for now. Seeing you hasn’t been half-bad, either.”

Ducking your head with a laugh, you feel your cheeks flush hot. But it doesn’t stop Yuta from leaning in, and continue chatting you up, and though it’s been years, you feel the excitement of your attention and reciprocate. It’s flattering, and surprisingly easy — though your heart races a little and your stomach certainly flutters — and all around nice, which is why it’s more than a little odd where your mind lands once Yuta actually asks you out on a date.

Hyunjin.

Barely a few weeks since their fight over Luna, you wonder whether agreeing to a date makes you a hypocrite. And while you can logically recognise it’s a completely different situation, the worry still nags at you. Though it’s nothing compared to the far larger feeling, that you have tried to ignore since Somi shed her particular brand of wisdom: that you like Hyunjin, more than one co-parent should the other, after stating they’d keep things strictly platonic.

Like Hyunjin, the father of your child. Like Hyunjin, the man that three years ago, you thought you could’ve even loved. Like him but can’t do anything about it. Like him but can’t risk the developing relationships with their daughter.

Like him and need to move on.

“Yeah, I’d love to,” you tell Yuta, and Yuta’s bright smile almost makes up for the the way the words somehow feel like a betrayal.

Almost.

* * *

You organise to meet after your shift, because as luck would have it, Hyunah’s spending the day with Brittany and Anthony. Your call to your mum was met with a lot of teasing, but the undercurrent of support was still clear. She even put Anthony on speaker to double team, and while your cheeks heated with embarrassment, you still couldn’t help the smile that tugged at your lips. "Just be yourself" was the recycled advice Brittany gave, no more helpful than it was when you were fifteen, but you still appreciated the effort, and after a quick check in with Hyunah over the phone, too, you felt calm enough to finish your shift.

Surprisingly, you calm even more when you spot Yuta sitting at a table outside the cafe they agreed upon, a five minute walk from the studio. His nose is in a book, and he looks lost to this world for the story’s instead. It’s both charming, and something you note as a conversation starter, and though you are still a little nervous, a spark excitement hits you, too.

It’s been a long time since you have been on a date.

“Hello again,” you say, pulling out the chair opposite Yuta. He looks up, surprise quickly replaced by a smile.

“Y/n.” Folding down the corner of his page, Yuta places his book in his bag. His smile warms as he looks you over properly. “I’m glad you made it.”

“You didn’t think I would?”

“I wondered whether you may have had second thoughts over the past few hours,” Yuta says, not unkindly, not seeming to hold any ill thoughts of you with the statement. “I’ll go order us some drinks. What would you like?”

“A latte would be great.”

You pull yous wallet from your bag, but Yuta shakes his head. “Nonsense. I’ll grab these, and you can get the next ones.”

It’s a bold prediction in the length of this date, but you already appreciate that about Yuta. “Sounds like a deal,” you say, and when Yuta gets up, a lingering smile over his shoulder, you’re sure the running-hands-through-hair move is deliberate.

He returns with their drinks, and, as though knowing you’re a little rusty, takes charge of the early conversation. His ease settles over you quickly, though, and soon you fall into a comfortable back and forth, learning about each other. Yuta’s twenty seven, a dog person, and beginning a PhD in child development psychology next month. He’s cool in an effortless sort of way, kind and charming, but with an understated wit, the kind of person you can easily see yourself on a second date with.

Which is an odd thought in and of itself, because even before Hyunah, you never really dated. Your relationship history consists of two months with some senior in your freshman year of college, seven with a classmate as a junior, a few one night stands here and there, and Hyunjin. All of which started without any intention to, after a night flirting in a bar and a decent amount of alcohol.

This is the first date you have been on with the predetermined agreement of the outing actually being a date.

And on top of your overall lack of experience in dating, you're anticipating the whole 'by the way, I’m a parent' thing will be something of a bombshell to Yuta. Already, it’s weighing on your mind, as you contemplate the best time to bring up that nugget of information.

Apparently though, fate takes that decision out of your hands, because about an hour — and a second round of drinks, paid by you — into the – if you're being honest – very successful date, a familiar voice calls your name.

“Seonghwa?” It takes a moment for your mind to catch up, to reconcile the man coming out of the cafe with a juice in hand. He’s probably on his way to the community centre. “Hey, how are you?”

“Good. Just heading into the centre.” His gaze shifts to Yuta, and his smile widens. “Sorry for interrupting. Hi, I’m Seonghwa.”

“Yuta,” he replies, taking the hand he offers and shaking it. “How do you two know each other?”

Your eyes flick to Seonghwa, and see he’s now recognising that what he’s interrupted is a date, and his being here has brought up something somewhat complicated.

“Is it cliche to say it’s complicated?”

Yuta laughs, soft. “Ominous,” he teases, grinning when you shoot him a rueful look.

Seonghwa smothers his own laugh, before resting a hand on your shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. “I have to get going, I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll see you soon, though?”

You smile, hope that he can recognise the forgiveness. “Sounds good. See you, Seonghwa.”

After a quick goodbye to Yuta, Seonghwa’s on his way, leaving you to navigate this situation. Yuta looks at you expectantly, but in an amused sort of way, and you blow out a breath.

“So, I actually have a daughter,” you say, to start them off. Blunt honesty may be the best way to go.

“Oh!” Yuta’s surprised, but from his soft smile, thankfully not put off. You know, having a young child would be a deal breaker for a lot of people, and while you wouldn’t hold it against Yuta if it were for you, it’s nice not to feel like your daughter is some sort of point against you in the dating world. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Grabbing your phone, you find a photo and hand it to your date. “Hyunah. She’ll be three in December.”

“She’s lovely, Y/n. That smile just screams cheeky.”

“You’re telling me. I don’t know where she gets all her energy, being so small.”

“Mm, kids are like that.” Yuta passes your phone back, brows drawing. “So Seonghwa is…”

“Hyunah’s father’s friend’s partner.”

“Wow, that’s a mouthful.”

 You laugh. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“So, you’re either not with the father anymore, or I’m about to be told about an open relationship.” He’s teasing, obviously trying to ease your nerves, and you’re endlessly grateful for the fact. “You obviously don’t have to tell me any more than you want to, but I’m happy to listen.”

“That’s very kind of you. No, it’s not an open relationship situation,” you say, allowing yourself a wry smile. “I was actually never in a relationship with Hyunah’s father, Hyunjin. It wasn’t a planned pregnancy, obviously, but she’s my world now.”

“I can imagine she would be,” Yuta says, still smiling — encouraging, even. “What’s your relationship like with Hyunjin?”

It takes you a long moment to answer, but when you do — telling him the truth, that Hyunjin’s only been back in their lives for the past two months — you see the shift in Yuta’s expression. While still kind, it loses the initial hope, and you quickly suspect that while this date has largely gone well, there won’t be a second.

Yuta confirms that thought a few minutes later, once you have wrapped up a rather clunky explanation of the complicated relationship that is yours and Hyunjin’s. Not unkindly, and with a gentle segue: “I just think your hands are a little full at the moment, Y/n. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I become one more person you need to juggle in all the relationships you’re trying to navigate.”

You nod, smile wry. “Yeah, that’s fair. I’m still going to call my first date as a parent a success.”

“You definitely should,” Yuta says. “I do like you, Y/n, you’ve just got a lot going on. And if it all settles in a few months and you want to get a drink, you have my number.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Yuta leans over and squeezes your hand. “You should. Now, are you happy to have one more drink as friends? My treat.”

“That sounds fantastic.”

Even without the pretence of the date, you and Yuta continue to get along just as well as you did earlier, though there’s a lack of pressure that puts you even more at ease. It’s another half hour of chatting and laughing before you call it a day, and after a warm hug — longer than it probably needs to be — you go your separate ways.

In the car, you give yourself a moment to let the day settle over you. While it might not have been an ideal date — because ideally, a first date would lead to a second — you can’t help the smile that forms regardless.

Because it feels like something, a step you didn’t know that you wanted to take, but having now taken it, you're glad to have. It might be a while until you can properly date — Yuta wasn’t exactly wrong in saying that  you've got a lot on your plate at the moment — but when you're ready, it’s a relief to know that you can.

After checking your phone to find some photos of Hyunah and Anthony making a sandcastle, you get your head in gear and make your way over to the pier. It’s almost five now, and your family’s in its usual spot on the beach, towels laid out, playing happily together.

You have got a smile on your face as you take off your shoes and walk over, enjoying the sand under your feet.

“Darling, what’re you doing here?” Brittany asks, when you join her on a towel.

“I wasn’t too far off, and the traffic was looking alright for once. I thought I might as well meet you here and spend some time barefoot in the sand.”

“How lovely.” Brittany hands over some fruit, ever the parent, no matter your age. “How’d the date go?”

“Good.” You rest your head on Brittany’s shoulder, smiling as you watch Hyunah burst into a round of giggles. Anthony was showcasing his impressive acting skills, falling rather dramatically into the sand when she gave him a good old push, and slapstick is still very much comedy gold to Hyunah. “There won’t be a second, but it went well.”

“I’m glad you had a good time. There’ll be others, you know.”

You nod. “Not for a while, but yeah. I think there will be.”

Brittany presses a kiss into your hair, much like you do to Hyunah, and you spend another minute watching Hyunah and Anthony play together before Hyunah notices your arrival. Covered in sand, she launches into your lap without a care in the world, hugging you tight for ten good seconds before she’s running back to her grandpa and the all important sandcastle.

It gives you the opportunity to check your phone again, updating the group message with wild speculation over your date and how there won’t be a second but you're still calling the first a success, and responding to Seonghwa’s apologies over the interruption with reassurance.

Because while it may not have been how you thought the conversation with Yuta would be brought about, Seonghwa’s passing by only sped up the inevitable.

And as you watch Hyunah playing in the sand, so happy and carefree, so trusting of the world, you think that not going any further with Yuta may have been for the best.

While things with Hyunjin have settled, it’s a relationship that still requires time and effort, for both your sake and Hyunah’s. Just like the mother you didn’t talk to for years and now rely on more than almost anyone else in the world, and the step-father you never particularly wanted who’s now a loving grandpa to your daughter, Hyunjin’s part of your not-very-conventional family. And just like everyone else, he’s still yours, and there’s a part of you that does love him.

Separate to the way you like him, those confusing, growing feelings that Somi brought to your attention — the ones that had you accepting the date with Yuta in the first place.

It’s a situation that’s becoming your new normal, but that doesn’t lessen the fact that it’s a fucking minefield to navigate. You’re no longer keeping all your interactions dependent on Hyunah being around, have started lingering longer after your bedtime, falling into easy discussions while she’s down for a nap. And though it’s still all platonic, just as the two of you agreed, and despite all your rational thoughts about your relationship with Hyunjin, and his with their daughter, you still know one thing deep down.

That in all honestly, you're not ready to move on from him just yet.

* * *

“Hyunah, baby, you gotta keep your shoes on, okay? The ground isn't always safe to walk on.”

Hyunah lets out a displeased whine when you try to pick her up, wriggling in your arms until you have got no choice but to put her down again, of course for Hyunah to only try to take off her sandals again.

Taking a breath that does nothing to calm you, you veer the stroller Hyunah doesn’t want to sit in to the side and crouch down in front of your daughter. She’s been in a difficult mood since you picked her up an hour ago, and it’s been a bigger hit to you than her tantrums usually are. After your last shift at the studio today — Claudia dropping by to hand everything over —  you had been excited to spend one of the last afternoons before hospital's back with your daughter, but so far, Hyunah’s not made it easy to keep that excitement rolling.

It didn’t help that five minutes ago, some man  you’ve never met before thought it was his duty to stare at you with utter disapproval while you tried to deal with Hyunah’s decision to stand defiantly in place on the footpath, not moving a single muscle for any passersby.

When you’d told Hyunah they’d just have to go back home, it got her moving again, but it’s clearly not taken much time at all for her to commit to another moment of stubbornness.

“Come on, button,” you say, trying to keep the pleading tone out of your voice as you move your hands to cover Hyunah’s tiny ones, where they pull on the velcro straps of her sandals. “Do you want to go to the park or not?”

Hyunah pouts, brows drawing. “Yes.”

“Then you’ve gotta keep these on. Mummy doesn’t want anything happening to your little feet.” Hyunah thankfully stops her efforts and glances up at you, a touch less disgruntled than before. Holding Hyunah’s hands, you duck your head to catch your daughter’s gaze. “Thank you. Now, do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you.”

“Walk.”

“Okay, then. But your shoes stay on, button. And if you really don’t want to listen to Mummy, we’re going to have to miss out on the park.”

It’s a warning that works, Hyunah sticking close as you continue pushing the stroller, and you make your way towards the park.

You’re just hoping once you are there, Hyunah’s mood lifts, because Hyunjin’s wrapping up work early to meet them, and you don’t really have it in you to reassure him of things you yourself are feeling particularly shitty about today. Thankfully, as soon as the park’s in sight Hyunah’s eyes light up and her short strides come a lot quicker with growing excitement.

“Go on, baby,” you say, once you reach the edge of the park, watching as Hyunah runs through the tanbark, immediately setting her target on the slide.

Setting up on one of the benches edging the playground, you keep an eye on your daughter, relieved that her crankiness seems to ease with each passing minute. The usual smiles and giggles come as she makes her lap around the playground, and you even manage one of the two as you watch Hyunah, allowing yourself some soothing breath and the simple enjoyment of the warm August sun on your face.

It’s about fifteen minutes and one bandaid for a scraped knee later, that a bag drops down next to you. Glancing up, you find Hyunjin, donned in his work clothes, though he’s lacking a jacket and tie, and his shirt is rolled up a few times to reveal muscled forearms. His gaze is running eagerly over the playground to find Hyunah, but there’s a stiffness to his shoulders that you can’t help but notice.

“Hey,” you say, after a few moments pass where he doesn’t think to greet you first. It’s a dismissal that causes something sharp to twist in your chest, which is probably an overreaction, but after the past hour on the receiving end of Hyunah’s sulkiness, you may be a bit sensitive.

“Oh, hey,” Hyunjin says, glancing down at you for only a second, the tight smile he offers not reaching his eyes. “I’m gonna go see Hyunah, alright?”

“Oh. Yeah. Of course.”

You barely finish the stuttered sentence before Hyunjin’s heading off in search of Hyunah without even looking at you, and try to ignore the fact that Hyunah lights up more than she has today with you, the moment she sees Hyunjin.

It’s something you should feel glad for. That they are building this relationship with each other, that Hyunjin’s able to coax some happiness from Hyunah on an otherwise shitty day. Any other day, you’re sure you’d have that grace, but right now you just feel dejected.

Which isn’t all that uncommon, on the difficult days that draw all your insecurities to the surface. The ones that stem from being a single parent, that really knock your confidence. But now you have got the added bonus of bearing witness to the other parent having far more success with their daughter than you have.

Before you let those thoughts spiral, you close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself that some days are harder than others, that you have been doing this for close to three years now and can survive those bad days. That Hyunah loves you and that you are a good mother. And while it doesn’t work quite as well as it usually does, the rejection of both your daughter and Hyunjin stinging, you’re thankfully broken from your thoughts when someone clears their throat beside you.

It’s a man, maybe early thirties, with a baby strapped to his chest and what looks like one too many bags in hand.

“Sorry, can I sit here?” He asks, gesturing to the space your own and Hyunjin's bag is taking up. There’s a hint of desperation creeping into his voice, and though it’s probably bad to find pleasure in someone else’s suffering, you instantly feel better that you are not the only one having a bit of a shit day.

“Of course,” you say, clearing the bench for him. When he sits down, a huge sigh of relief rushing right from him, she can’t help but laugh. “You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry. Long day. I’m guessing you know how it is.”

“I definitely do. I’m Y/n.”

“Jongdae.” Unstrapping the baby from his chest, Jongdad settles them on his lap instead. “This is Miju.”

You grin at the gurgling baby, reaching out so she can grasp one of your fingers. “How old?”

“Seven months. And I’ve got another one, Hari.” He points to a girl in purple overalls and messy pigtails in her hair, currently hiking up to one of the taller slides on the playground. “She’s six and absolutely had to go to the park today.” He rolls his eyes, but his tone if all fondness. “What about you?”

“A daughter, Hyunah. She’s two and a half.” You point out your own little girl, now strapped into a swing, Hyunjin pushing her gently. He catches your eye for a moment, and you don't miss the way his brows draw, noticing your new company.

“And how are the terrible twos going? Should I worry about it with this one? I’ve never experienced them before.”

“How the hell did you avoid those with Hari?”

“You adopt them when they’re four.”

You laugh, and Jongdae shoots you a teasing grin. “Yeah, that’d do it.”

“Yeah. So this is my wife and I’s first experience with an infant. Definitely a learning curve.”

“You’ll be fine. How long have you been married?”

You fall into a comfortable conversation, centred mostly around their kids, and it’s a nice distraction from your previous worries. Jongdae is sweet, if a little flustered supervising one child while entertaining another, and when Hari has a fall that takes more than five seconds to bounce back from, Miju is quickly deposited in your arms while he goes to check on his daughter.

You have never been one to strike up conversations with other parents, but you might have to start, because it’s actually quite nice. Plus, you have not held a baby since Hyunah, and it’s something you are now realising you definitely miss. When Jongdae returns, he even lets you continue to hold Miju as you chat, and you only give the sweet baby up when five o’clock nears and a woman, quickly introduced as Jongdae's wife, joins them at the park, and you decide it’s probably rude not to let her greet her child properly.

You part ways with hopes to run into each other again at the park, and when the family’s off you start gathering up your own things. Hyunjin must notice that you're making movements, because only a minute later he’s following Hyunah as she races back to the bench, thankfully looking to be in better spirits.

She lifts her arms once she reaches you, and you smile, picking your daughter up. Little arms are quick to circle your neck, and you hug Hyunah tightly, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before settling her on your hip.

“No! I wanna walk.” She wriggles to be let down, and you have to take another deep, calming breath as you grab the stroller. It was a brief reprieve.

“Everything okay?” Hyunjin asks, falling into step with you as Hyunah toddles ahead.

“Yeah. Hyunah’s just been in a bit of a mood this afternoon.”

“Really? She seemed alright with me.”

You hum in agreement, not trusting your voice to remain even with the dig that you are hoping was at least unintentional.

Minutes pass without anything further said, until you finally ask how work’s been, in an attempt to make the polite conversation that he seems unlikely to initiate. It gets them through the journey back to your place, and while there’s nothing outwardly wrong with the whole interaction, it’s certainly more stilted than they usually are, something just… off.

When they arrive home, you stick to the kitchen while Hyunjin sets up with Hyunah in the lounge. Starting on a veggie curry, you remind yourself that just because he normally asks how he can help, that doesn’t mean he’s in any way obligated to hang out with you tonight.

It doesn’t get any better at dinner. It feels like you and Hyunjin are on slightly different wavelengths and can’t seem to sync up with each other, as though the axis of their relationship has shifted just slightly and you can’t figure out the cause. Conversation doesn’t flow as easily as it should, and Hyunjin doesn’t seem to relax entirely, barely able to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds, and you’re trying to remember your last interaction — dinner, here, on Monday night, everything normal — to see if you have somehow missed something, but there’s nothing.

The whole thing gets you so frustrated — with this day, with Hyunjin — that once Hyunah’s down for the night, and Hyunjin, for some reason, insists on staying to help with the dishes, and starts a conversation with the most unhelpful “So…”  you decide you are not putting in any further unreciprocated effort.

Folding your arms across your chest, raising a single brow, you simply look at him expectantly.

"...Been up to much lately?”

It’s a terrible question, given how regularly you see each other, but one that finally points you in a direction that may explain his behaviour.

Your date.

Your date with Yuta which Seonghwa interrupted and likely told Yeji about, who then probably caught Hyunjin up, too, just to round out the trio.

It’s not something you were going to bring to Hyunjin’s attention, given it was a single date that wasn’t going to lead to anything further, but perhaps it was naive to think nobody else would. Because despite the bettering of your relationship with Yeji, you probably should have suspected Yeji would share the news with her best friend. And given it’s only been two days since said date, it’s not like you've had a chance to mention anything to Hyunjin anyway.

It’s something you have already moved on from in your mind that it didn’t flag at all, as a potential reason for his behaviour. Not that he’s being an asshole, just… aloof. Uneasy. As though he’s not sure how to act around you.

You watch him for a moment, appraising. While he asked the question, he’s putting a lot of effort into appearing not to care for the response. He doesn’t even take his eyes off the dishes he goes back to washing.

And just like that, the surge of frustration that’d just filled you all up eases, released in a long breath as you lean back against the kitchen bench. While you can’t be sure until you ask, it seems that Hyunjin’s general weirdness is a result of a date unintentionally kept secret, which now feels very much like an elephant in the room.

“Yes. I went on a date on Tuesday. Is that why you can barely look at me today?”

As though to prove that’s not true, Hyunjin finally meets your gaze, abashment creasing his features. “I’ve been a dick, haven’t I?”

“I probably wouldn’t say a dick, because I can’t be mad that you were ignoring me to hang out with our daughter tonight. But whatever one level beneath a dick is, maybe.”

Hyunjin laughs, but it’s remorseful. “Yeah. Fuck. I’m sorry.”

“Is it — do you feel weird about it?”

“No. I don’t know. I think I just wasn’t sure how to act, when I knew but it wasn’t you who told me.”

“It didn’t have anything to do with… anything else? Our fight?”

He takes a moment to consider that. “I guess after we talked, I decided I wouldn’t start seeing anyone for a while. Just as we all got settled. And — fuck, this sounds stupid. I just wasn’t expecting to find out you were, especially from Yeji.” Clearing his throat, he runs a hand through his hair. “It’s not an excuse to be an asshole, but it just threw me.”

“You know I don’t expect you not to date,” you say, brows drawing. While the idea of him dating makes you feel all funny, it’d be incredibly hypocritical to ask him to remain single.

“I know. I promise. I just don’t have the inclination at the moment.”

“Okay. And for what it’s worth, the date was very last minute, and there won’t be a second. I would’ve told you otherwise.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Did it... not go well?”

Your mouth twitches to a smile. “No, it did. But we both agreed my life’s a bit too hectic at the moment, to start dating someone new.”

Hyunjin chuckles. “Yeah, what you need to do is find someone who's already here.”

It’s a joke that’s followed by a thick silence filled with words unspoken. Your cheeks heat, and you drop your gaze from Hyunjin’s, all of a sudden embarrassed, as though your feelings are exposed for him to see right through. You know he didn’t mean anything by the comment, simply a riff off your own, but inevitably your mind states the obvious: Hyunjin's someone already here.

Clearing your throat, you focus back on the dishes, drying another bowl with far more attention than is required. “Anyhow, I’m just glad that’s all it was.”

“It was. And I’ll apologise again, for my unintentional below dick-ish behaviour. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Thank you. I’m just glad we’re okay.”

Though you're still not looking at him, you can hear the smile in Hyunjin’s voice. “Yeah, me too.”

You continue the dishes in silence, but after, when you offer tea, he accepts.

He stays for another hour that allows the two of you to catch up properly, Hyunjin asking about your last day at the studio, how you are tracking for the beginning of the hospital year next week. You bring him up to speed, and he does the same after, about his own work. You confirm plans for dinner tomorrow night, at Yeji and Seonghwa’s, and then to get the remainder of Hyunah’s room at Hyunjin’s — now with a constellation of glow in the dark stars on the ceiling — furnished in a couple of weekend’s times.

By the time you are seeing him off, you’re back on even ground, you feeling far better for it.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” you say, as Hyunjin lingers on your front porch. The envelope marked with Hyunjin’s name sits on the table by your front door, and you hand it to him. “It’s my mum’s fiftieth next month, and she asked that I pass this on.”

He accepts the invitation with a surprised smile. “Thanks, Y/n. That’s very kind of Brit.”

“She throws a good party, so it’d be good if you came. You’re free to invite Yeji and Seonghwa, too. She won’t notice two more with her guest list.”

Hyunjin laughs. “Dare I ask?”

You roll your eyes, but you're smiling. “Her position at the hospital puts her list of friends and acquaintances at a far greater number than mine could ever be.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” His smile softens, and after a moment of hesitation, he pulls you in for a hug. “I’m sorry again. For making you worry today,” he says, voice hoarse, his face pressed against the top of your head. “I’m working on getting better with the whole communication thing.”

You smile, press it into his shoulder. “That’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

You stay entangled like that for another lingering moment — probably longer than necessary for a goodbye hug — and when you pull back, Hyunjin looks at you for a long moment.

The space between you charges with a certain energy, unspoken words and confusing feelings, and for a moment you think Hyunjin’s going to say… something, but instead, shaking his head, he takes a step back, and you tell yourself you were just imagining it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, angel.”

* * *

Thankfully, Friday is far better than Thursday.

Just as you told yourself, some days are harder than others, but it’s certainly nice when the bad days don’t roll on into the next. Hyunah went to daycare again, to allow you some hours of uninterrupted hospital prep, but today when you picked her up, she was in far better spirits.

Now, as she’s wrapped up in Yeji's arms, and subjected to kisses and general enthusiasm, those spirits only rocket.

“Let her breathe,” Hyunjin chastises Yeji fondly, though he’s right behind her, ready to give Hyunah the same treatment. He does divert his attention to you for a quick hug before doing that, though, so it seems he’s learnt something of a lesson yesterday.

Settling Hyunah on his hip, Hyunjin joins Seonghwa in the kitchen, showing their daughter what’s cooking for dinner. Hyunah is very excited to be bestowed the honour of stirring burrito beans.

“Something to drink?” Yeji asks you, holding up a bottle of wine with a grin that could tempt most people into just about anything.

“I’ve spent the better half of the day preparing class material, so I would love one.”

“Come, come, let’s sit outside. It’s such a nice night.”

Wordlessly, you look over to Hyunjin and get a smile and nod in response, his assurance that he can look after the little one for the moment. You smile your thanks and follow Yeji and her bottle of red outside, to some deck chairs, sans the deck.

Settling in, you drain half a glass in one go, an act that earns a hearty laugh from Yeji.

“Run down?”

“Something like that,” you say, letting your eyes fall closed. “Trying to coordinate everything in my life at the moment is just — a lot. And please don’t take that as any sort of snipe at Hyunjin, or at you, because I honestly don’t have the energy to defend myself right now.”

“Don’t worry, I’m totally over that now. Besides, I know how generous you’re being, and so does Jinnie. He’s not always good at saying it out loud, but I hope you know how grateful he is that you’re putting so much time into his relationship with Hyunah.”

“Thanks, Yeji. He hasn’t said it in so many words, but yeah, I know.”

“You know you can drop your formal tone.”

You laugh, open your eyes to shoot Yeji a grin. "'kay.”

“Because I’m going to say some things that require us to be on a nickname level of friendship.’

“I don’t really have a nickname myself.”

Yeji waves her hand. “Semantics. So, I want to apologise.”

Frowning, you sit up properly. “For what?”

“It was completely unintentional, but I’m sorry for telling Hyunjin about the date. I assumed he knew, but it still wasn’t really my place.”

“Oh. That’s okay. It worked out fine.”

“So Hyunjin wasn’t an idiot about it? Because he was an idiot about it when I told him.”

Chuckling, you take another sip of your wine, slower this time. “He may have been a bit of an idiot, but we talked last night and it’s all fine now.”

“Okay, I’m glad. And he didn’t… say anything? Big?”

Something swoops in your stomach, your heart suddenly on alert. You clear your throat, turn your chair to face Yeji’s. “No. Should he have?”

“I’m going to meddle again, but only because I think I need to. I just — I want you to understand something, about Jinnie, and all of this.” She gestures vaguely your way, her words slow, careful, and you feel a breath catching in your throat as she draws herself closer. As though it may quicken whatever it is Yeji’s going to say. “When he came home, the first time, three years ago, he was… he was upset. It took me a while to get it out of him, that he met someone. That he met you. And he never — well, I kind of think you were always the one that got away for him. I remember when he found out Seonghwa knew you, it was like… I don’t know. If he had more belief in himself, I think he would’ve tried to get back in contact.

“Because he cared about you, Y/n. A lot, and before Hyunah. And I know it’s been years, and that discovering you have a daughter takes priority over everything else, but…well. I’m not sure those feelings ever went away entirely.” Yeji takes a long breath, looks you directly in the eyes. “And I think that his weirdness over your date has a simpler explanation than he probably gave you. It made him realise that it wouldn’t always be how it is now, you and Hyunah and Jinnie together, acting like a little family. He knows he has Hyunah, but… I think he realised he might not always have you.”

The words settle between you and Yeji, their implications filling your mind to the brim, drawing your heart right to your throat. It’s quiet for a long moment, as you try to process everything, as you try to grasp the earnestness of Yeji’s information, but eventually the woman’s impatience gets the better of her.

“I know that’s all a lot, but it’s all to say: Y/n, when Jinnie lets you in, he loves you fucking selflessly. He’ll sacrifice his own happiness for yours. It’s how we grew up as friends. And I know he’s older now, but… he’s that same person at his core. It’s how he’ll raise Hyunah, and it’s how he’ll love you both. I just — I need you to know that that’s the kind of person you’re in this with.”

You have to swallow twice before your voice works. “Okay,” you say, the word barely a whisper. You look away from Yeji’s sharp gaze, needing a moment to compose yourself. Finishing your glass, you steady your breath and blink back the heaviness from your eyes. “Thank you, for telling me. It’s…a lot to process, but I’m glad to know.”

“You’re welcome. It’s the last time I’ll meddle, promise.”

It’s a half-joke that barely draws a weak laugh, but you still shoot Yeji a grateful smile for the moment of levity. “I doubt it,” you say. “But I think there’s some saying about good intentions.”

Yeji grins. “‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions’? That’s probably not what we want, but you’re right. Knock on wood, this is the last time I’ll meddle.”

She does actually tap her knuckles against her wooden chair, before picking up the bottle of wine and starting to fill your glass back up.

“To take the edge off.”

“Only half,” you say. “And then I’ll have to stick with water. Still have to drive home, and I’ve got precious cargo.”

Yeji nods, and pours your glass into her own. “That she is. Water for you.”

Laughing, you again lean back in your chair and close your eyes. The past five minutes will be something to loop over in your mind tonight, though already you feel yourself analysing each and every word.

You are not sure whether to be grateful that it’s only a minute before Hyunjin’s yelling out to them from the back door. “Hey, slackers, dinner’s ready! We’ve had to set the table ourselves and everything.”

“Oh, God forbid you set the table, Jinnie!”

It’s a friendly banter that reminds you a lot of your relationship with Chan, and you can’t help but smile. Standing to join everyone inside, you only make it a few steps before Yeji catches your arm.

“Hey, I don’t want you to feel bad about anything I said, Y/n. I just want you to take it on board.”

Not trusting your voice again, you simply nod, and hope that you will manage to keep it together for this dinner. Of course, Hyunjin’s the first to greet you again, and the weight of all these revelations must show on your face, because his own expression creases with concern.

“Hey, you alright?” He asks, soft to keep it just between the two of you. “You look… overwhelmed.”

His perceptiveness only heightens the swelling of emotion rising in your chest, but you somehow manage a smile, one that seems to assure Hyunjin you're not spiralling.

“I’m fine, Hyun.” On impulse, you grab his hand, give it a squeeze. “But thank you for checking in.”

Face softening, he returns your smile with that warm one of his own. “Anytime, angel.”

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When the painted glass shatters // And you're the only thing that matters // But I can't see you through the tears

Love this new song from U2. The lyrics are so beautiful, and Bono delivers them with such a sincerity and with so much emotion. Really excited for new U2 music soon.