This Is Fully Self Indulgent - Tumblr Posts

Safe Place

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Prompts -  'The safe place you created for me, all those years ago, that's where I call home.'

If you were to ask anyone in the galaxy who would be the least likely person to become a dad many people would have said Han Solo, especially if you asked who would be a dad to a baby girl. Han himself would have told anyone who asked that he was in no way equipped to raise a daughter, the idea alone was enough to terrify him, how could he ever raise a girl?

And yet somehow here he was, standing in the medcenter staring down at this beautiful, small baby girl that somehow fit in the palms of his hands. His eyes were watery as he stared down at you, almost like you weren’t real, and he could feel the fear that seemed to run through his whole body but somehow the fear was being drowned out slightly by the absolute and unyielding love he felt for you. 

It was an overwhelming experience, feeling so much love for somebody who had only been alive for a few minutes. To know that he would do anything you wanted, anything you asked without a second thought, to know that he would burn the galaxy down just to keep you safe and you couldn’t even do anything yet, he hated to think just how much you’d get away with once you could speak, once you knew just how much power you held over him, once you knew that you had him wrapped so tightly around your tiny little finger.

How did somebody like him make something as amazing as you?

Of course just because he felt this much love for you, just because he knew he would pull the stars from the sky for you it didn’t mean he was suddenly confident in his ability to raise a daughter, if anything feeling this love for you only made him infinitely more terrified because you deserved the whole galaxy and he didn’t want to mess that up, he didn’t want to ruin you. 

He was out of his depth, give him a blaster and a dangerous situation where the odds of surviving were slim to none and he was fine, he excelled in that. Give him the most precious baby girl in the whole galaxy and see how quickly he would crumble.

The first time he remembered being terrified when it came to you was when you were five years old. An absolute angel who was too curious for her own good, always getting into things you shouldn’t if left unattended for more than ten seconds.

One day Han had left the room to grab you some juice, he had been out of the room for less than fifteen seconds when he came back to see you with his blaster that he knew damn well he had placed out of your reach, how you had managed to get it Han didn’t know and didn’t even stop to question it.

All he felt was fear unlike any he had felt before and his blood turned cold as he ran over to you and snatched the blaster away from you, hating how you looked up at him with wide, watery eyes and a quivering lip. He couldn’t do anything, he felt frozen in fear and just about managed to grit out an order for you to go to your room.

He watched you leave the room with tears sliding down your face but he didn’t move to follow you. Han reached up and rubbed his forehead with his fingers, staring down at the blaster and mentally telling himself to hide the weapons away safely, apparently it wasn’t good enough for them to just be out of your reach now.

He waited five minutes before he left the living room and made his way over to your bedroom. The door was open halfway but he couldn’t hear you in there and felt a pit of guilt in his stomach, hoping he hadn’t scared you when he had snatched the blaster from you but he had been terrified, needing it out of your hands immediately.

If he thought he felt fear when he saw you with a blaster it was nothing compared to the fear that spread through him when he saw your bedroom was empty and that you were nowhere to be found in the house, despite him and Chewie searching the whole place and the grounds. 

Of course the one time you go missing Leia has to be off planet with the damn droid.

It wasn’t until he was doing another sweep of the house, passing by the hangar bay that he had already checked that he heard a noise that caused him to pause. He took a few steps back and stood in the doorway before his eyes landed on the Falcon, the door was closed but that noise had definitely come from inside it.

Dammit, he thought to himself. 

You knew you weren’t allowed on the Falcon by yourself, only if he or Chewie were there to supervise you and you had always followed the rule. No matter how desperate you were to board the Falcon you always waited until either of them could take you or just dragged one of them along with you so you could sit up front in the cockpit and pretend to pilot the ship.

Feeling some of his fear slip away he took a deep breath and made his way over to the Falcon and down towards the cockpit. His heart ached as he saw you in the pilot’s seat, his seat, curled up with tears still running down your face.

“C’mere,” He murmured softly, walking over to you and picking you up just enough for him to slide onto his seat and settle you down on his lap, smiling down at you as you curled into him and gripped his shirt whilst wiping your face into it. 

“What are we doing on here, huh?” He asked you, keeping his voice soft and low as he tilted your face up towards him and wiped your tears away. 

“Mad.” Was all you mumbled before hiding away against his chest and he felt himself completely soften, torn between cursing himself for acting so rashly he had scared you but also not regretting his actions because seeing you with that damn blaster had terrified him more than anything he had faced before.

“I’m not mad at you, sweetheart.” He told you, chuckling as you shook your head, “I’m not, really, just seeing you with that blaster scared me, you know it’s not a toy.” 

The two of you stayed there on the Falcon for longer than Han could recall, curled up together in the pilot’s seat long enough for you to fall asleep in his lap and Han to carry you back to your bedroom, tucking you in securely and pressing a kiss to your forehead before leaving to safely lock up the weapons.

That day seemed to have created a tradition of sorts somehow. Whenever you were sad, whenever you were scared or overwhelmed or just needed a safe place to calm down you always made your way over to the Falcon. Han never panicked anymore when he couldn’t find you, he knew all he had to do was go to the hangar and he’d find you curled up in his seat.

He remembered the fight you had with Leia, you must have only been around nine or ten. He remembered looking away from her down at you and just wondering how someone so little could hold so much anger and it wasn’t the typical anger you’d expect from a kid, nothing like temper tantrums you’d thrown before when you couldn’t make sense of your feelings. It was genuine anger, you had started showing signs of being able to use the force and Leia had wanted you to go to Luke, wanted you to be trained under her brother so you could control it.

Han hadn’t given an opinion, he’d been asked but he refrained from telling Leia how much he hated that idea, how much the thought of his little girl being sent away felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest.

Luckily for him, your distaste for the idea was loud enough to speak for Han too.

Han had known for a long time you could use the force, once the fear had left him over seeing you with a blaster and you were fast asleep he had time to think about it. He knew he hadn’t left the blaster within your reach and that there shouldn’t have been any way for you to reach it…not unless the force was involved. From then he had seen different instances of you using the force, a toy just out of reach, a cookie on the counter, a piece of meat on his plate after yours was long gone and your plate held only vegetables, no problem you’d just float whatever you wanted over to yourself.

“I don’t wanna go!” You yelled, angry tears making their way down your face and it took everything for Han not to intervene, to put his foot down on this topic and tuck you away but he knew Leia only wanted what was best for you.

“Y/N,” Leia started, her voice firm but soft but you didn’t give her the chance to speak, you let out an angry huff, already knowing exactly what she was going to say considering the conversation was just going around in circles. 

Instead of staying to listen to it you stormed out of the living room, shoving past Han who turned to watch you stomp down the hallway and made your way down to the Falcon, knowing full well your dad wouldn’t let you be alone for long but he’d give you long enough to yourself that you could calm down a bit.

“All that anger isn’t good.” Leia said softly, causing Han to finally look away from the empty hallway and back at her, a frown on his face as he shook his head.

“She’s a kid who doesn’t want to leave home. Just because she’s frustrated now doesn’t automatically mean she’s going dark side.” Han told her, tone almost dismissive in the way Leia hated when she tried to talk about something serious and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“There’s always a chance.” She told him, looking away from Han and off into the distance.

“No there’s not,” Han replied, tone hard and leaving no room for Leia to disagree with him, no room for Leia to doubt you. “She’s a good kid.”

And with that he too turned to leave the living room, leaving Leia sat alone to ponder the best course of action though it seemed to be two against one. Han made his way down the hallway, down towards the hangar, something he was sure he could do in his sleep with how often he followed you down here. 

It wasn’t long before he made his way through the Falcon and stopped to knock on the frame of the entrance to the cockpit, smiling sympathetically at you, the familiar sight of you curled in his seat still managed to warm his heart no matter the situation or how many times he had seen it.

You didn’t say anything, didn’t look up, just continued to stare out of the window at the closed door but Han didn’t let it deter him. Instead he walked in and picked you up, just as he always did and settled you on his lap, his arms wrapping around your waist as you tucked yourself under his chin.

“I don’t wanna leave.” You mumbled brokenly causing him to frown. 

“Then you’re not going to.” He told you like it was that simple and it really was, if you didn’t want to leave Han wasn’t going to force you. He was going to keep you around for as long as he could until you got too old to be spending time with your dad or hiding away on the Falcon.

“But mom said-” You began, tilting your head to look up at him but he cut you off with a smile and shake of his head.

“Don’t you worry about your mom, just leave her to me.” He said, giving you a wink that caused you to giggle and it was like the mood instantly shifted and felt a little lighter. 

Maker, he’d do anything to hear that sound instead of listening to your cries.

Han’s heart hadn’t stopped beating wildly in his chest, so loud he could hear it in his ears, almost deafening and yet you stood there rolling your eyes at him and in that moment he had never felt so unequipped to be a dad. 

“I don’t even know why you’re making such a big deal out of this, I didn’t even go that far and I’m fine.” You told him, gesturing down to yourself as if to prove your point.

“You stole the Falcon, Y/N!” Han snapped back at you, fury taking the place of the fear that had coursed through his veins at seeing both you and his ship missing. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that you and mom never let me leave and I am so tired of this place! You go on adventures all the time and you never let me go with you, forgive me for wanting to see more of the galaxy!” You snarked, rolling your eyes again in a way that made him want to grab your shoulders and shake you until you realised just how reckless you had been, just how terrified you had made him.

“You can’t even fly the damn thing yet, could’ve gotten yourself killed.” And that was the thought that played on a loop the entire time it had taken him to track you down, his blood running cold as the thought refused to leave. 

Sure he’d given you plenty of flying lessons but not enough for you to take the damn ship out yourself.

“I can fly it better than you.” You shot back, knowing damn well it wasn’t true but wanting to say anything to annoy him even more at this point, unwilling to see it from his point of view, unwilling to apologise when you’d had such an amazing afternoon in a faraway village, surrounded by all different types of people.

“Kid, we both know that’s bantha fodder. There’s a reason you don’t go off on your own, you’re damn lucky to be standing there right now.” The words had you rolling your eyes again at him, and Han clenching his jaw, a disbelieving scoff leaving your lips and you shoved past him, leaving the room, and heading down to where Han had landed the ship not long ago.

Han let you go, the two of you both needing time to calm down.

It was times like this he felt so unequipped to be a dad, so completely out of his depth because on the one hand he knew you had always longed for more, longed to jump in the Falcon and search the whole galaxy. Despite your words Han had actually taken you on more than your fair share of adventures, nothing too dangerous but he couldn’t resist seeing the look of joy on your face as the Falcon made her way across the galaxy, watching the wonder on your face as you saw all kinds of species and the pride he felt when he watched you interact with them, always so polite and friendly.

On the other hand though, they’d witnessed so much, they knew there were still people out there that would love the chance to hurt them and you out alone in the galaxy was the perfect way for someone to get back at them.

He knew you understood that but he also knew you were a kid who took after the rest of her family, knew there was something more for you out there. He hoped you’d never be forced to be something more than you were, hoped that everything they’d done would be enough for you to live your life freely but the fear of something bad, something dark was always lurking in their thoughts.

Enough time passed to the point where his heart was no longer in his throat and he couldn’t hear each thump in his ears. For the first time in years, for the first time since you were a five year old little girl, he hesitated on his journey down to the Falcon, doubting for the first time that that was the place you would choose to hide away in. 

He’d always figured that eventually you would stop using the ship as your safe place, always tried to ignore the thought and the ache in his heart but couldn’t now that he thought it was actually happening. He couldn’t help but remember the last time the two of you took refuge there, couldn’t help but regret the fact he hadn’t held you tighter, hadn’t held you longer.

Still he made his way down the familiar path and felt a weight fall from his shoulders as he saw the door to the ship wide open, couldn’t help but smile despite the fight as he made his way to the cockpit to see you curled up on the seat, taking a second just take in the familiar scene just in case the day was drawing nearer that you didn’t hide away here anymore.

He made his way into the room, taking a seat on the arm of the chair and looked down at you, hating how you hesitated before meeting his eyes.

“I know you’re a tough kid and I know you can handle yourself,” Han said, tone showing how much he believed his words causing you to relax slightly, no matter how bad the fight was between you and your dad it was like being in the Falcon raised a white flag and you both agreed not to bring it onto the ship. “but you know why the thought of you out there scares the hell out of me. I can’t lose you, kiddo.”

If your eyes were a little watery, well it’s not like your dad hadn’t seen you in worse states but you still leaned forward, burying your head against his stomach as he wrapped an arm around you, leaning down to press a kiss to your hair and if he held you a bit tighter, well who could blame him?

The two of you stayed on the ship for the rest of the day after that, neither one of you wanted to leave the safety she offered and when it came time for bed you ended up in Han’s cabin, you tucked under his chin and Han was more than happy to hold you.

When the Falcon disappeared it felt like a large part of you had gone missing too, after the dark side had gotten a new leader, after Uncle Luke disappeared, blaming himself for letting one of his student’s turn to the dark side of the force, after your mom and dad went their separate ways, after the First Order had begun their attacks…all you wanted to do was hide away on the Falcon, hating that you had ever wished for something more, for an adventure. 

Now you were by your mother’s side, commanding armies and watching people you had come to care so deeply for die on a regular basis. There was nowhere that had ever felt more like home than the Falcon did and not having her around anymore saw you pushing your emotions further and further down and bottling them up tightly.

Today felt particularly bad even though nothing major had actually happened. Some days the weight of everything that was happening just felt like too much. You heard that your mom was back on base and headed outside to greet her, needing a distraction from the thoughts running wild in your mind. 

You didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings, only enough so that you could avoid X-wing pilots who ran back and forth across the base, barely avoiding getting your feet crushed by the BB unit you knew to be Poe’s causing you to tilt your head, laughing fondly as the droid knocked into people before crashing into the man he was looking for, Poe just as excited to greet the droid.

“Hey kiddo.” A voice said to the side of you, a voice that caused your head to snap around, gaze locking onto your dad before looking past him, feeling your eyes widened at the ship that stood behind him. “I brought her home.” Han said softly, watching your frozen frame and seeing the exact moment your brain started working again. 

Tears filled your eyes as you let out a slightly manic laugh of disbelief, head shaking as if you couldn’t believe your eyes before you ran to meet your dad who easily caught you in his arms, winding them around you and holding you tight against his chest, one hand coming up to cup the back of your head.

“You got her back?” You mumbled into his chest but he heard you clearly anyway.

“Sure did, kid.” He smiled, a weight falling from his shoulders as he had you in his arms again. 

You don’t know how long you stood wrapped in Han’s arms for but eventually you pulled away and smiled up at him, his hand moving to cup your cheek and bring your foreheads together. With everything going on lately it felt like heaven to not only see your dad again but for him to have brought back the place you truly thought of as home with him.

You moved away from him and took a cautious step over towards the Falcon, almost as if you expected it to disappear, causing Han to smile fondly at you. It only took a few steps, Han following behind you, until you were in the Falcon and the feeling of home overwhelmed you, memories assaulting your mind as you looked around, letting your fingers drag against the walls as you made your way further into the ship, stopping when you stood in the doorway of the cockpit.

If you thought stepping into the Falcon itself was overwhelming it was nothing compared to stepping into the cockpit. You never thought you’d be standing in here again, never thought you’d be able to find a moment's peace like the ones you had come to love in here. Somehow even despite everything going on outside, being in this room made it easier to breathe.

You didn’t realise the tears were pouring down your face until Han pressed a hand to your shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze pulling you out of your frozen state and giving you the push you needed to step foot into the room, instantly feeling better. 

Your fingers danced along the back of the pilot’s seat as you made your way around it, sitting down in the seat with a soft sigh. Han smiled over at you as he made his way into the room, taking his place on the arm of the chair, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close, you cuddling into him without a second thought, feeling like no time had passed between now and the last time you were in here.

Of course time had passed and you had somehow found yourself fighting against the dark side, found yourself giving orders out despite being completely unequipped to handle the job and yet it was easy to block out all of that when it was just the two of you in here, easy to forget how messed up things had truly gotten. Han, like you, never thought he’d have this moment again, never thought it’d just be the two of you curled up together on your seat in the Falcon but here you were. 

There was an exhaustion that ran deep in his bones at the thought of another war. He had no idea what was going to come in the next few days, next few weeks and months. He had no idea when the next time he’d be able to sit in here with you again would be, hell he didn’t even know if there would be a next time and that thought sent an ache through his chest and caused him to pull you closer to him, his grip tightening on you like he was afraid to lose you.

“I love you, kiddo, you know that right?” He asked you, he needed to say it all of a sudden, looking down at you and smiling shakily as you looked up at him, eyes still filled with tears but you looked less tired, like this was exactly what you needed and he was glad he could give it to you.

“I know,” you murmured softly, smiling up at him and nodding, watching as his own smile widened and he let out a small huff of laughter, “I love you too.”

Yeah, Han didn’t know what was coming next. He didn’t know who was going to live to tell the stories of this war and who was going to die fighting.

Whatever happened next he’d do it for you, he’d do it for Leia. He’d given you your home back, brought her back to you and knew that if nothing else, if anything were to happen to him, he knew you’d at least have a safe place to deal with it.

I've been replaying fe fates, as well as starting my first fe3h maddening run, so ofc I wanna send my favourite child units to the officer's academy lol. I didn't do any grinding at all in fe fates conquest, and soleil was one of the ones who practically carried my team late game. She's very strong with azura as a mother, and I very much ship azura and laslow. I'll probably do another set of these (with my faves kana and dwyer! as well as conquest mvp nina)