This Is Me Overanalyzing That Line - Tumblr Posts
That quote from mockingjay, katniss's thoughts after having a conversation with peeta who had just gotten back from the capitol. When she realizes he's not peeta anymore, at least not the one she knew.
It takes a long time before I get to the bottom of why I‘m so upset. When I do, it‘s almost too mortifying to admit. All those months of taking it for granted that Peeta thought I was wonderful are over. Finally, he can see me for who I really am. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly.
"Finally, he can see me for who I really am." We never really get to see katniss being insecure or doubting herself, she thinks of herself in a certain way, she admits she may be twisted, broken, or even manipulative, selfish. But it's never in a way that she's bashing herself, she acknowledges these traits and actually uses them to fight, to protect the people she loves (which she knows love her back, but right now she's not so sure peeta is on the list). But after she talks to peeta, she starts doubting herself. No matter what happened before, she always knew that peeta would be there for her, that his love for her would be there to comfort her, to make her feel safe. Peeta's love was different than anyone's she knew. Prim loved her as the big sister she looks up to, she's protective of her, she feels responsible for her and she'd do anything to protect her even if it means hiding certain truth from her. Gale's love is strong, violent, he'd always be there to save people, to make the hard decisions nobody wants to, even if it makes him cruel, he'd step up, he's rebellious, he's protective, and... he's so much like katniss when it comes to this. But peeta's love, it's comforting, it's like a ray of sunshine covering her, makes her feel safe, normal, human, it's hopeful, bright, but it's not delusional, it's real and it's raw and beautiful. And of course she feels the need to protect him, but it's like the love he has for her seems effortless, she doesn't have to give anything in return, she can just be who she is and do what she sees right and he'd still welcome her in his arms and stays with her until she falls asleep.
But now, peeta doesn't have the memories of her that made him fall in love with her in the first place, he doesn't remember the little girl who sang in class, he doesn't remember the girl with bread, the girl who was ready to die just so he lives, he only has this picture of a cruel damaged 17 years old girl the capitol imprinted in his mind.
He talks to her, he can't tell the difference between reality and imagination, he doesn't know what's real and what's not. And katniss cannot help him, she has the time to, she's just different now, she's hurt, but she also has a mission on her hands, she cares about peeta, but his expression when he looks at her is unbearable, she won't bother to build new memories for him, because being around him hurts. Even when she had no one, she had peeta. But now he's gone, and she has no idea how she would ever get him back. I just think it very devastating seeing someone who'd love you unconditionally turning into someone who can't even see your face without falling into a rampage and starting to scream. He finally sees her for what she really is. For what she really is. For how everybody else sees her, even worse. She's unlovable, peeta doesn't love her anymore, This line is ruining me.
This all got inspired when I read the lyrics for an SZA song, my mind went to that moment from the hunger games immediately.
