This Post Put My Thoughts Into Words Pretty Well - Tumblr Posts
I have been feeling so similar to this, almost like I'm unable to accept it as truth. Neil Gaiman books got me through difficult times, and I just cannot fathom how such beauty can come from someone who did such awful things.
I don't want to ignore or deny the truth, but it's really difficult not to. And that sucks. There's a part of me that wants it to be false allegations, but at the same time I feel like denying it is not helping anyone. I'm not good at opposing feelings at the same time, but I'll deal with them somehow.
what a mindfuck
As a teenager, I was a huge fan of Neil Gaiman. I bought the entire Sandman graphic novel series as well as a bunch of various novels or borrowed them from other people. When MeToo started and all of these guys that we thought were wholesome were outed as sexual predators, I, like so many other Gaiman fans, were certain he'd never be one of those people.
When the news about Neil Gaiman came out, I hoped it wasn't real. I waited to say anything about it because I wanted to be sure. But after reading the various things, I am just so fucking heartbroken.
Me and my siblings and cousins watched the Cosby Show reruns when we were kids/teens so when the shit about Cosby being a rapist came out I was like FFS. Then other guys like Kevin Spacey that I admired, etc etc. But I was able to move on/deal with it/etc.
Still, I thought, not Neil Gaiman, not him. He's just too cool/nice. I thought, of all the guys out there, Gaiman would have to be at the bottom of the list. I was so fucking certain of it, so to have to accept that ugliness about a man I thought was beautiful was an especially bitter pill.
So many of his books/graphic novels were beautiful and got me through some really hard times, and there were times when i was just astounded by this brilliant line or paragraph or idea of Gaiman's and wishing I was more like him.
Definitely not the case anymore, and if someone like Neil Gaiman can be like that, then it honestly makes me wonder what sorts of ugliness lurk in people that I think are beautiful (I mean beautiful in a mental/emotional/artistic way, not physically) and it's left me shaken in my faith in people.
EDIT - I wrote the OP fresh, without any editing so I know it comes across as rambly but I just had to get it out, and I did. Now that I've had more time to think, I can articulate myself a little better.
No one is perfect. We're all flawed creatures, but a lot of men manage to not have 'assaults/coerces/disrespects women/is a creep' as one of their character flaws and I sincerely thought that Neil Gaiman would be one of those people. With other people I liked who were outed for shitty behavior, there's always a certain level of disappointment but with Gaiman it just feels more personal even though we never met one another. I sincerely, truly, honestly expected and thought better of him.