Too Stupid To Fall In Love - Tumblr Posts

Day 579: If We Fall In Love...

Once every year, I put myself in this situation where I can't help but express several emotions all at once. I laugh. I feel giddy. I cry. I feel loved. I get bothered. I feel regretful. I hate. I curse. Dying to go back to the good old times. It's like a torture to myself. I do it since it makes me happy but at the same time I experience the pain that I went through just because I was stupid to fall in love with this person who never liked me. I try to go back to what we were like in the past. I check on you as if I have the right to do so. I feel as concerned as before.  I feel like I have to be sure you are okay. I do not care if I had to cry again or if we have to be in a fight again. All I want to know is... if you still remember those times too. I continue to wonder what could have happened if we fell in love with each other. What could have happened if we are still together as lovers if not as friends? Have you already forgotten everything that happened between us during those two years? Was there a time where you also think of me? Do you also experience this sadness and emptiness I always feel when thinking about those times? Can you not sleep as well? Do I remind you of the moon too? Do you also have the urge to talk to me just like how I am dying to see you again? I fell in love with you. Did you feel the same way about me too? Do you even care? Did you even care at all?

Sad enough, I know he has moved on already. I was nothing to him. I don't even know if he ever considered me as a friend. I don't know how much he hated me for being so immature. But I have an idea that we both hurt each other because of my stupidity.

In the end, I push myself to look forward again and stop reminiscing about the past. Two, three, four days and nights in a year is enough to feel miserable again. I wake up the next morning as if those two to four nights and days of thinking about you didn't happen at all.

I have to make sure I will put my feelings aside. Or else, I might ruin your happiness once again. I was always sorry for hurting you. I wonder if you were sorry to me, too. I want to hear your thoughts about all of this but I can't just say it to you. If given a chance in the future, I want to know everything. I know a lot of things had changed over the past 6 years; I don't want to hurt you again. I'll consider everything. I just hope you'll honestly tell me everything so that I don't have to feel this emptiness ever again and stop searching for the missing piece of my heart. As much as I  care about those memories, I want to be able to let go and move on too.