Unuseful Life Advice From The Noise Machine - Tumblr Posts

Unuseful life advice from the Noise machine:

Don't drink to the point of puking on your cat. They're really hard to clean.

Unuseful life advice from the Noise machine:

Avoid faceplanting into metal railings whilst trying to take a drunk piss. You'll feel fine in the moment but you'll look like Rudolph the reindeer in the morning.

Unuseful life advice from the Noise machine:

Don't try to recarbonate leftover beer in a Soda Stream. It's not as flat as it appears.

[15y/o me learned the lesson. Father was.. displeased.] 💀

Unuseful life advice from the Noise machine:

You'll totally fuck up your Demonia platforms if you wade around in a fountain with them.