Writing Feedback - Tumblr Posts
Looking for feedback/ constructive criticism
Feeling
She makes me feel
Like a room full of sunlight,
Warm tea mixed with honey.
She makes me feel
Like there is a hammer in my chest
Slamming against my ribs
And shattering them
In an attempt to reach her.
She makes me feel
Like flowers are blooming inside of me
Like hope is cradled in my hands.
She makes me feel
Like I am looking through
A fogged up window pane,
Hazy glass difficult to see through.
I can no longer discern my reflection.
I am afraid I’m losing sight of who I am.
(She makes me feel
Like the embodiment of heartbreak
Like I will never stop closing in on myself
Like I will never stop fading.)
She makes me feel
Like I am worthy of love,
Like I am capable of being loved.
Like I can finally learn
What I have been trying to teach myself
For far too long.
She makes me feel
Like I am made of fault lines.
Like there are earthquakes inside
That threaten to rip me apart.
Because even thinking of her
Makes my hands shake
And I don’t know if it’s because of
Anxiety or anticipation.
She makes me feel
Like a campfire burning,
Like art,
Like poetry,
Like s’mores and shooting stars.
If anyone wants to give me any feedback or constructive criticism on this poem I would greatly appreciate it! I hope anyone who reads this has a wonderful day tomorrow! 💛
OMFGGG!!! This means so much to me since i literally adore your fics 🥹🥹 thank you so much!! words can’t describe how much your feedback means to me!! so again THANK YOU🫶🏽💜💜‼️‼️
Mafia Wives Of Seoul
SUMMARY: Being the wives of Seoul biggest criminals isn’t easy. It comes with multiple hardships and obstacles. Be ready to get a closer look inside the lives of Bangtan boys 7 lovers
RATING: 18+
PAIRINGS: Kim Namjoon x OC Kim Seokjin x OC Min Yoongi x OC Jung Hoseok x OC Park Jimin x OC Kim Taehyung x OC Jeon JungKook x OC
TAGS: Yandere!bts, Mafia!bts, heavy angst,extremely toxic relationships, smut, violence, drugs, violence, misogyny, fluff, aave (African-American vernacular)more to be added
A/N: I’ve had this lil series in my head for a while but seriously DO NOT ROMANTICIZE!! but also enjoy.
╰┄─➤ talk to the wives and husbands!
╰┄─➤ meet the wives
╰┄─➤ how they met (7/14/22)
╰┄─➤ Tina and Namjoon
╰┄─➤ Jasmine and Seokjin
╰┄─➤ Diamond and Yoongi
╰┄─➤ Quinn and Hoseok
╰┄─➤ Jimin and Athena
╰┄─➤ Tiana and Taehyung
╰┄─➤ Ariel and Jungkook
╰┄─➤ Ariel’s wedding
╰┄─➤ Fight Night
╰┄─➤ You’re not that girl
╰┄─➤
ANSWERED CONFESSIONS
Why Diamond pole dances
Why Jasmine is retired and the biggest fight she’s seen.
How does Ariel feel about being the youngest wife. How does jungkook feel about their marriage
Ariel’s biggest secret & sin
How long has Tiana been singing
Why did Athena punch namjoon? Why does she hate jimin so much and want to kiil him?
thank you dezzy!!! Tianas the silent but deadly type but we’ll definitely be getting more of her😇 and Diamonds just deadly no flitter at all!! If it’s on her mind she’ll say it no matter the situation. I also think Athena’s suffering enough tho 😭 ur lovely feedback helps and motivates me so much muah 💋
MAFIA WIVES OF SEOUL: Jasmine and Seokjin Kim
SUMMARY: Being the wives of Seoul biggest criminals isn’t easy. It comes with multiple hardships and obstacles. Jasmine Kim definitely knows.
RATING: 18+
PAIRINGS: Kim Namjoon x OC Kim Seokjin x OC Min Yoongi x OC Jung Hoseok x OC Park Jimin x OC Kim Taehyung x OC Jeon JungKook x OC
TAG LIST 🏷 : @sovereignlizzie | @jooniesbubbie | @jeonlxvr
BEFORE YOU READ: a small look into the girls relationship | someone's prego👀 | infidelity | misogyny | heavy heavy angst | abusive relationships| extremely toxic relationships | strong language| asshole jin | talk of child death | sex mention | talk of kidnapping | gaslighting? | crack? | violence
MUSIC REC: me and my husband- mitski | she knows - j cole |
A/N: Please do not read this if anything I’m the tags trigger you! I’m not good at tagging at all so I’m sorry if I miss some stuff please let me know if I did.
Knocking at the front door startled all of the wives. If it were their husbands they’d open the door themselves with their own house keys so it had to be an unsuspected guest. No one was home but them so they couldn’t have anyone else open it for them. Looking amongst each other they waited for the knocking to go away silently arguing with each other about who was going to get up and open it. Quinn sighed, standing to her feet the blanket that was wrapped around her falling as she huffed “I can’t stand you lazy bitches.”
Shuffling to the door she looked through the peephole finding a woman holding a baby carrier. “She’s got a baby” she whispered.
“I don’t know it seems like a kidnapping tactic to me.” Diamond spoke, flipping to the next page in her book. “All seven of us are here against our will so how bad can this person be?” Athena voiced, head laying in Ariel’s lap as the younger girl rubbed in the face moisturizer.
The woman knocked yet again, this time speaking ‘hello? i'd like to speak with Mrs.Jasmine ?’ Jasmine looked up from her puzzle, making a confused face and pushing her glasses up on her nose. “Why would she need to talk to me?.”
“Can y’all just open the door damn.” Tina groaned, the noise waking up the pregnant woman from a nap. Jasmine hopped up unlocking the top and bottom lock of the door peeping through, the woman looked familiar but she couldn’t really tell.
“Mrs.Kim! I’m sorry for showing up like this.” scanning her face Jasmine remembered her as one of their maids who left suddenly months ago.
“Why would you need to speak to me?” She asked, opening the door wider. Her eyes fall onto the baby sleeping soundly then back at her ex-houseworker. “I was going to sit down and explain but I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to sugar coat it but… this is Jin's son.”
Jasmine eyes snapped down to the baby in the carrier staring down at the baby, hands gripping the door tightly. “Jin’s never?” The woman pulled a paper out of her diaper bag and Jin was in fact the father. Jasmine became light headed. “He fired me when I told him I was pregnant.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ll be sure to.. talk this out with him” when the door shut she turned around finding all the girls standing behind her sympathy deep in their eyes. Them standing there looking at her knowing she failed at being a wife was embarrassing, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe as her heart pounded hard in her chest. Eye filling up with tears as her sobs came out sounding like she was being choked.
“She’s having another panic attack”
“Jin got her fucked up,, I’d be hyperventilating too.”
“I say we kill ‘em’”
“How about we kill all 7 of them?”
“Can y’all be serious!” That's the last thing she heard before she fell unconscious.
“You had another panic attack.” Jin stated as he entered their shared bedroom. His tone sounded annoyed, as if his wife’s own health was a burden. She watched him shrug off his suit jacket the same one she’d ironed this morning and set out before he left to do “business” she wondered if business meant fucking other women that weren’t his wife. “I’m guessing you haven’t made dinner?”
Still she said nothing, just staring at the man who provided for her just as her father did her mother. She always told herself that she wouldn’t be like her mother yet here she was stuck as the woman who still adored and worshiped her husband even after finding out he had a child with a woman of a lower status. “Jasmine?” he spoke, voice laced with concern. concern? he was concerned? “Have you taken your medication today? I’ve been meaning to schedule an appointment with your doctor”
“Do you love me? '' she asked, eyes glossy watching his hand go to run through his hair. His finger missing the silver wedding band. “I’ve told you many times not to ask me silly questions.” His tongue poked the insides of his cheeks as they always do when he’s agitated. “Why don’t you wear your ring?”
“Is it a requirement? Everyone knows that I am married.”
“Yet that doesn’t stop you from fucking maids?” Jin breathed hitched, eyes widened a bit before he contained himself. A deep frown setting itself between his eyebrows. “Maids? I would never stoop that-“
“BUT YOU DID!” throwing down on the bed the credit card transaction and the DNA test. “You went and fucked the help now she’s pregnant with YOUR bastard baby. You’ve bought her expensive dinners, lingerie, fucking flowers?!”
“You can’t even look me in the eyes and tell me you love” she yelled, which was way out of Jasmine’s character. Even though she was mildly entertained by the other girls and their petty arguments she still disliked cursing, fighting, and yelling. There was a first time for everything.
“I do love you Jasmine. Can we please just sit and talk like mature adults.” He takes a step closer only making her take a step back causing Jin to huff arms crossing over his chest. “The dinners and lingerie weren’t for the maid. They were for someone else. I’ve never had penetrative sex with the help”
Someone else. Someone that wasn’t her.
Someone who was ironing and washing his clothes, someone who wasn’t making him breakfast every morning or packing his lunch, someone who didn’t have to bust their ass to make sure his dinner was on the table at a certain time, someone who didn’t have to be slapped around or forced to quit doing what they loved just to be his partner.
Someone who didn’t love him.
“You just haven’t been yourself lately, all these panic attacks and issues. I felt lonely and I couldn’t ask you to fulfill my needs so I went.. elsewhere.”
“I lost a child, SeokJin! Our child died! I’m sorry I can’t fuck you because I’m mourning.”
“You think the death of my only son didn’t hurt me? I wanted a healthy child and wife now I have to sit around and babysit you like you’re the child.” He shouted, tips of his ears completely red as he breathed heavily.
“Fuck you Jin! I wanted a husband who isn’t a selfish, and cruel sack of shit. If it isn’t about the handsome Kim Seokjin YOU act like a child. For example, cheating on me with a maid and some unknown woman doesn’t care about you the way I do.”
She turned and began packing her things in a bag. “I’m going to stay in the empty part of the estate.” shutting the case closed she moved to leave when he snatched her back by her forearm making her drop her bags. “You can’t just leave me here alone.”
“You’ve done the same to me many times” the familiar glint in his eye, shivering the alarms in her head telling her to back down but she stood tall.
His fist clenched hard as he released her, taking his anger out on the wall causing the picture frame to fall on the ground. The picture of them holding each other at their wedding, all smiles and sunsets “You’ll be back. Like always” and he was right. She’ll be back. Just not anytime soon.
hi baby im just now seeing this and i feel awful I didn't see it sooner 🥹🥹 thank you sososo much for your kind words and lovely critics 🩷🩷
Anyway!! back to our regular schedule. let's talk about vampire ex boyfriend Jungkook
warnings: angst, major character death, just so sad poor Kook, unedited , this fic will never be posted
The two of you met at a club.
You spot Jungkook in the far corner and according to your friends he's been eyeing you all night so with all the liquid courage in your system you approached him.
The two of you dance the night away and surprisingly he can handle all the ass you throw at him. The night ends with him helping you and your friends into a taxi and your number snuck in his phone.
Time goes on and you and Jk put a title to your relationship. For 10 long months you were a very happy couple. Until you weren't.
When Jk was turned he was on his way to see you actually. After a long 2 days of being apart he rushed the opportunity of being with you. In the alleyway he heard a woman crying and the sounds of thrashing and Jungkook was a selfless man.
Little did he know it was a trick and that woman took his humanity away forever.
You don't see Jungkook for a month. His parents' friends and acquaintances haven't seen him either, he never showed up to his scheduled training sessions at the boxing gym, or the gym he'd been going to for years. You put up missing posting in every nook and cranny of Seoul. You were in shambles emotionally and physically, the love of your life just up and leaves you. The police suggest that maybe he ran off with another woman— a different looking foreigner but no that wasn't your kookie.
When it hit 2 months you noticed everyone's efforts were lacking, you watched as his friends moved on and your friends encouraged you to move on. His parents' didn't seem to care as much as you did either coming to the terms of their son being gone. When the 6th month hit you also lost hope. You don't sleep surrounded by his clothing anymore, you don't sob into his hoodies or smell his cologne anymore. You loved Jungkook but there wasn't much u or the police could do anymore.
When you finally see Jungkook again it's been a year and a half. You moved from his apartment, thrifting his things and even went on dates arranged by your friends because you still felt iffy about dating.
When you see him, you have to look long and hard. He looked different from the kookie you knew. Long curly hair, leather jacket, piercings adorning his lips, ears, eyebrow, and nose. He looked paler and his cheeks and jaw were sharper, he'd even gotten taller by a few inches, and extremely buffer. The puff in his chest was more than noticeable. While observing you didn't realize that you were walking towards him until a woman appeared.
He gave her a smile he once had reserved for you all teeth and gums, handing her a bouquet of red roses as her arms wrapped around his neck kissing him. You stopped all movements as your mouth opened wide. Your fears were true. He left you for another woman and most would think your fear was him dying but at the moment you were convinced this was worse than death on both parts.
The cars in front of you honk making you jump you were quick with crossing the opposite street. With your head down to the pavement tears filling your eyes. Though what you didn't see was the smile leave his lips as he pushed his sire from him.
Aggressively wiping his mouth as he shrugged himself away from her. Despite his absence Jungkook has little to no say in his actions anymore. He was only a vampling and until he fully controlled his bloodlust he couldn't leave his sire or obey her word. He didn't understand why now she decided to approach u with him after a year of restrictions she'd set for him but his sire was an evil and spiteful woman.
He'd been watching you from afar since he was turned never not hiding in a corner when u walked Bam or went on your dates. He longed to feel you again all he needed was to control himself but from what his sire tells it takes centuries.
Let's say he watches you move on completely the only reminder of him being the dog you once shared. He watches you marry and have children, he watches you grow old and grey and your children grow older. He hurts so bad because he was supposed to be living alongside you , dying alongside you.
He's at your side when you die at age 86 , he holds your aged hand tightly into his forever cold ones. You stare at him long raising your hand to touch the mole that stays in the tip of his nose. Using the little strength you have to speak
"Jungkook... Kookie.." He shushes you and kisses your hands. "Where did you go?"
"I've always been here, baby." He watches you smile, squeezing him.
"I've always known" were your last words
Let's say centuries do past and Jungkook has found a coven, his previous sire burned at stake for her crimes of turning humans. Your bloodline was long gone dying with your great grandchildren five times over but you were never a distant memory but always a vivid one.
When one day while taking a train he spots you.. buying flowers.