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Writing Grief

I’ve heard from many places - and wholeheartedly stand by - the idea that the larger the scope you’re trying to portray, the smaller your focus should be. For example, if you’re writing about a village that’s been destroyed, you don’t focus on the destruction everywhere, you focus on a little child’s doll lying half-scorched in the street. The idea is to channel as much of the emotion as possible into the smallest details. That’s how it’s the most potent.

Grief is one of these big things. Grief rocks your world, and it’s grip doesn’t go away as soon as the next thing comes around. It strikes at odd moments.

The thing with grief is that everyone experiences it differently, and everyone’s got different memories surrounding it. Given this fact, I’m going to describe questions who’s answers you may incorporate into your narrative, but I cannot give you a “this is how to write your character’s grieving.” The questions I’ve listed below are likely going to be most relevant at or just after another character’s died, when things are freshest and at their most raw.

(note: “or” questions do not necessarily mean you have to choose one or the other. You can, but it’s also saying, “is at least one of these the case?”)

How does it feel externally?

Do things feel too rough, or too soft? Too squishy or too unyielding?

Are yoru character’s sleeves damp or wet from wiping away tears? are there balls of tissues held tight in your character’s fists?

Is the air too cold or too warm?

Is the space too tight, or too open?

How does it feel physically internally?

Is your character’s jaw clenched or their muscles tightened?

Do their eyes sting or feel puffy from tears?

Are they dehydrated and/or hungry?

Does their skin feel cold to the touch?

Do they crave physical contact such as hugs, or do they not want to be touched?

How does your character feel emotionally?

Are they angry, scared, sad, or unsure?

Do they feel emotionally empty like there is nothing inside of them (do they feel cold but aren’t physically cold)?

Are their thoughts coherant, or are they scattered?

What do they notice? Colors, shapes, patterns, sounds, movement, tactile sensations, smells?

Is your character craving a sense or normalcy, or a sense of difference that reflects the difference of someone dying?

How does your character physically react?

Do they start crying or showing other intense emotions?

Do they try to hold everything inside and/or not show other people?

Does their movement style change (they’re jerkier, slower, etc)?

Do they not seem to hear anything anyone else is saying?

Do they try to overcompensate and/or pretend that what happened didn’t really matter (showing intense emotions seemingly unrelated to grief)?