My True Love Appeared To Be.... Malleus

My true love appeared to be.... Malleus 😳

I'm a bit surprised, cause I mostly simp for Octa trio, especially for one hell of an eel.

...that got me thinking

💖Twisted Wonderland: True Love TWST Boys Quiz💖

https://uquiz.com/MIP8UI

Here you go, everyone! Hope you all enjoy this cute little quiz I made! Enjoy~ 💖🤗

🌹🌸First day of spring🌸🌹

Ahem-

I wanted to write about this for quite a while, but every time there was something stopping me..

⚠️Warnings!!!⚠️

•This post is not connected with the theme of this blog, just a rambling of mine

• an angsty post with a mention of suicide

Sometimes I try to get rid of dark and disgusting emotions by the help of any kind of art and it usually goes in 3 stages.

1 stage:

For example writing a poem of how I hate something right now or drawing a doodle/art with a character who has a tragic backstory. Crying....a lot and questioning my life choices and a purpose of existence. Then hiding these poems and art somewhere in my room.

2 stage:

Forgetting about the place I hid it in and what exactly has been created. Focusing on the life and schoolwork.

3 stage:

Suddenly finding these "pieces of art" during general cleaning and taking a moment to think. Then crying happily and thanking my past self for not doing a freakin suicide.

『I do not regret living

I am more or less happy with myself』

Then it goes all over again, sometimes methods and stages change but the result is one...I continue on living

But...there is always this but....however....an exception out of the rules I've been used to for so long,

this tiny dark thought that appeared

I've made this video during these two weeks because of once again falling into this abyss...and I really thought that this feeling would just go away...

sometime.... like it always did

this time I couldn't stop on just 3 stages thing.

No, it was harder than I expected

At first I couldn't even recognize the depression, cause

『aight, I am just exhausted, sleep will help』

It didn't

The situation escalated quickly

The thoughts became darker than usual

『Why am I acting so awkward?

Can they hear me? I want to tell them- no, not now

Speak normally, f* concentrate!

They are my friends ...well...classmates.am I allowed to talk to them? I'll definitely disturb them...it is better to stop the social interaction....I don't want to ruin somebody's day

They won't see the real me if I keep wearing the mask

I want to cry

Focus

Fell asleep during the lesson

Focus

My grades are lower than usual

Focus

I need a place to cry, maybe behind the coats?

Is there a reason to live? to exist?

Why am I trying to cut myself if these scratches are not deeper than a cat's?

Is it better to jump? hang? or poison?

Wait stop-

Not now.....I need to stop... freakin slow down

Life is wonderful even if it's a lie

I can't stop crying

I am not fine

I want to disappear』

These are not even a half of what I went on thinking about.

The constant pressure and failed attempts to focuse made me just look like a tired lad, nothing more, not even a suicidal shadow made it up to my face. Every single thought was trapped inside, deep down, until I was home...where I really could cry without looking suspicious

『Oh! I-I've just watched a series with a dramatic end, that's why I'm crying』

Excuses and more excuses each day

Then I've finally decided to countdown the days from 15th to 21st of March.

Only 6 days and only 2 variants.

I'll end my life...No matter how, I'll do it!

Or

Continue on living...happily

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

After 6 days of deciding

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Today was the 21st of March and I'm still alive

I've realized a few things:

•I want to live

•I want to talk to people

• why did I even hesitate whether they see me as a friend or not? Of course we are friends.

•I don't want to burden my family with more troubles

•I don't want to become a cheater that could just escape this life without living it

That's what I chose after being depressed for about two weeks.

We must never give up!

💚💚💚💚

🌱

Ahem-

👁//👉👈//👁

I just wanted to say...

Thank you, Avionvadion-san for inspiration!

P.s.:

I've noticed it in the middle of drawing, but.... I do be having a thing for an art that shows different sides. Like my first fan art of El.

Also, I can't draw glasses...😅

But I won't give up 😎

•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•

I think that's all I wanted to say

Thank you and have a great day/night!

💚💚💚💚

End

Tagging: @avionvadion

Finally watched all seasons + film of Bungou stray dogs and I have to say that it was ✨fantastic✨ 🥰💚, now I have to check out the manga aaand works of the writers featured in the series (like Edgar Poe, Edogava Ranpo, Osamu Dazai and etc.)cause....I'm familiar with only a few

°-° ' and I feel a biiit embarrassed about it.

P.s. :

About 2 months ago I've finished reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky and what a perfect timing it was, cause :

*BAM* 3 season (end of the 2 season)

*BAM* another hot man appears

*And final BAM* it's Fedya! ma dear lord Fyodor D. + references😊

*that's how Acid became a simp for another boi*

Also about this gif...I drew this thing at 3 am and maybe it represents da eager to read? But we'll never find out~

End of P.s.

Anyways, it's 3 am already 4 am here so

good day/night to ya all

Imma heading to the land of dreams.... or nightmares....I'll find out ;)

💚💚Bye💚💚

Here comes the sun☀️

Smol art with some of my ocs :>

P.s.:

Finally finished that freakin geography T T project and going to bed straight away

-I love you Japan but I also love sleep

*dead asleep*